Widows and orphans are integral parts of our world; however, when this class of people fall into the lower rung of the economy, the hardship can get extreme, with consequences that can jeopardise societal peace. Omolara Akintoye chronicles the effort of one man and his organisation, towards ameliorating this potent danger.
They wake up every day, hungry and desperate. When afraid or threatened, they have no arms to run into for protection or succour; and when hurt, they simply take it in their strides and trudge on, all because they have no moms and dads to pick them up and dry their tears. Their lives are shaped by fear of the unknown and a desperate struggle to survive. Yes, they are children, but they may never again have the privilege of growing up in a family or home, where they can think and play like children and be catered to. By no fault of theirs, they must live without the loving care of parent/s, who would inspire, guide and nurture them to their dreams.
Temitope Jegede and her four siblings fall into the above picture. They lost both their parents to the cold hands of death within a spate of three months. Narrating how it happened, Temitope said: “First, it was my mom who died of breast cancer, which nobody knew she had until it was too late. As if that was not enough, while we were mourning her loss, dad slumped and died of cardiac arrest three months later on his way back from work. It happened at Alapere Bus stop, Ketu, Lagos and it was a harrowing experience for us all(weeps).”
Literally, life became miserable for Tope and her junior ones. “All our relatives who promised to give us financial assistance and sponsor our education disappointed us. Even those who have the financial strength, their phone were no longer going; and when we tried to visit them, their gates were under lock and key,” she lamented.
The situation became all the more harrowing because all five siblings were still young and in school. “We were still in school. I for one just finished my secondary school and seeking admission into higher institution, while my younger ones: Bolutife, Taiwo, Kehinde and Shola also needed to further their education.”
It got to a stage that Tope had to pick up odd jobs for survival. “Many a times, I had to go on hunger strike for my siblings to get something to eat, but one day help came. All thanks to Triumphant Foundation, a non-governmental organisation that decided to sponsor our education.”
Today Temitope is a graduate of University of Agriculture, Abeokuta (FUNAAB), while her siblings are also being catered for. The foundation is also sponsoring several other orphans and fatherless children.
As negligible as one may view Triumphant Foundation’s intervention, especially from the larger picture, it remains significant and a watershed in the lives of these five siblings. What if it had not stepped in and the kids had ended up as derelicts and criminals?
Even the police acknowledge the potent danger that orphans and fatherless children portend to society.
Assistant Commissioner of Police, Lagos State, Mrs. Ronke Okunade, put this most succinctly, when she said “the absence of the father is the single most important cause of crime.”
She also said, “Boys who are fatherless from birth are three times as likely to go to jail as peers from intact families.”
She lamented that majority of youths in custody are also victims of abuse, some victims of violence at home; stressing that “the trauma many of these children experience early in life (such as the death of their parents or either of them) is a key factor in their violent/criminal behaviour.”
She therefore emphasised the important role mothers need to play to effectively curb crime and social vices among youth.
“With youths daily becoming restless and involved in various crimes far beyond the comprehension of their parents, the police and society, there is need for mothers to rethink their priorities,” she said.
She therefore enjoined parents especially mothers to discipline their wards, build their self-esteem and spend quality time with them, thereby raising productive children.
Call to action for widows
Because women also become widowed when some, if not most of their children are still in their formative years, makes this advice more remarkable. According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, one-third of all women who become widowed are younger than age 60, and half of those widowed become so by age 65. In fact, seven out of ten baby boomers can expect to outlive their husbands.
A widow’s deepest pains last longer than a year. Immediately after her husband’s death, family relations and community will visit her irregularly. Her experience can feel like a major surgery—a radical amputation, to be specific. She may be numb for several months. After the visits drop off and friends return to their normal lives, her hardest work would only have just begun. When the husband was the principal breadwinner, his widow is now deprived of his income and the nucleus of the family is destroyed.
A grieving widow loves her children and watching them suffer is a misery that compounds her grief. This was the case with Mrs. Hope Daniels, a mother of three, who has been widowed for three decades. “I became a widow in my late 30s and it was not easy raising the kids alone. The first major problem was economic hardship,” she reminisced.”
Thankfully, she is still standing strong 30years after and able to look back and smile – all thanks to Triumphant Foundation that has been supportive of her and her children.
Based on experience, Mrs. Daniels is however urging women, especially young widows, to be wary of the decisions they make as soon as they become widowed. “The decision you make when it happens is what will see you through. I, for one, made up my mind the moment I lost my husband to be distinct and to be a role model to my children.”
Children of widows, according to reports, bear the brunt more, as they often experience physical, mental and sexual violence, including under-age and forced sex. Invisible in statistics, child widows are even worse hit, as they are often denied their inheritance rights, evicted from their homes and in the absence of any social security, exploited by others, usually their own family members or gangs.
My tough background inspired the foundation – founder
Executive Director, Triumphant Foundation, Pastor Patrick Olusegun Tinka, explained that the foundation was set up to empower the less-privileged in society. Narrating his own experience while growing up, he said “I grew up in a home where there was prominence of lack. We were trained under hardship by my parent, but to God be the glory, we have lawyers, doctors in my family today.”
Tinka said the foundation started in 2014 but was registered in 2016. He added that the success stories of the foundation are numerous. “We have been touching lives in so many positive ways, such as training orphans through universities, and we have tried to build their self-esteem. We started a programme for widows and less-privileged in the area of skills acquisition. But we discovered that we had a limitation because when they are trained with such skills and they start producing products, they don’t have NAFDAC registration number; so we embarked on another project called ‘Self Sustainability Farming,’ whereby we bring widows to the farmland, give them lands to farm and make money from.”
The foundation also organised yearly activities known as Great mothers Gathering (GMG). “The aim is to create a platform for widows to have a voice of their own, as well as empower them and their children.”
The foundation also gives award to widows that have trained their children by giving them all-round development, such that they don’t end up as vagabonds. His words: “We need to appreciate these widows. This will serve as a model to others because once they discover that we have a platform to appreciate them, they will also stand up and train their children. By so doing, they reduce the crime rate in the society.”
Asked how the organisation has been accessing funds for such huge activities, Tinka said, “Funding has been a serious challenge because we have depended on funds from friends and well wishers. I’ve always looked inwards. If you build people, they will be able to build the world.”
‘The only thing our children miss is being with their biological parents’
Founded at the tail end of the Nigerian Civil War to cater for displaced children, the Nigerian Red-Cross Motherless and Abandoned Babies Home in Ebute-Meta, Lagos, is the first of such homes in Nigeria, and still waxing strong in providing a home and a life for the homeless. Gboyega Alaka, who recently visited, had a chat with the Branch Secretary, Olakunle Lasisi.
Tell us a bit of the history of the Nigerian Red-Cross Motherless and Abandoned Babies Home.
The Nigerian Red-Cross Motherless and Abandoned Babies Home was founded 55 years ago. It is actually the first home in the country, and it was born out of necessity. After the civil war, we had some missing children that were being taken care of by soldiers. These children were eventually handed over to the Red Cross. Some, we were able to reconnect with their parents, because in Red Cross, we do what we call Restoring Family Link. After that, we still had some children with us, and the organisation had to start taking good care of them. This particular premises was commissioned in 1951 by the British Red Cross, Nigeria Branch. It became Nigerian Red Cross Society after we became independent and a bill was passed and it became a law.
How many children did the organisation start with?
I can’t say precisely but lots of children have gone through this home. There was a time I was privileged to hear a prominent Nigerian actress talk about how she was adopted from this home. I was also happy to see that the person could openly say that to the media. I must say that the sweetest moments for us is not when these children come to us but when we are able to connect them with a family – for fostering or for adoption. At times, we are even able to reconnect them with their biological parents. We do have some whose parents may not be psychologically balanced, but once they are okay, we connect them. And there are others who bring their children for one reason or the other, probably economical or because the mother is a teenager or going to school. So this is a transitional point. More importantly, I can tell you sincerely that the only thing the children miss here is being with their biological parents. I say that because people have been responding well, even though that does not mean that we don’t have our challenges.
How many children do you have in the home as we speak?
We have 32. Last year, 17 were adopted. I’m talking about adoption/fostering /reconnection back to their parents.
Wow! Would that be because Nigerians are beginning to be at home with adoption?
They are over aware – because the request is far higher than what is available. Some people have been waiting for three or four years to get a child. When they come, we counsel them and advise them to go to the Ministry of Youth and Social Development for an interview. That is where they can be authorised and given a document to come to the different homes. And if they get a child that fits into their requirements, we contact them and they go to a magistrate court to finalise and the ministry will do the handing over. Of course it is usually done discreetly.
Have you had cases where you have had to retrieve the child because they are not being well treated?
It is the government that does the monitoring, but we had some little issues once in a while. Once, one of our children who had grown up in a family was able to relocate to the base. She lost her parents and felt this was the only home she knew. Luckily, with the support of the ministry, something was done to sort him back to the family. Even the brothers were so keen on having him back, and one had to come back from overseas to take her back home. The love was so huge.
You spoke about people being supportive, do you want to talk about some of your notable supporters?
We have some corporate organisations who come from time to time. They are so huge and if I’m going to mention names, I may be offending some people. Sincerely, they are lovely set of people who seems addicted to what we’re doing here and don’t even want their names to be mentioned. There is a woman who gives us certain litres of diesel and petrol. A particular donor gives to us 2,000 litres of diesel and that lasted like two months. There’s is another, who has been so consistent in giving us 1,000 litres of diesel. There is a particular medical doctor, a professor, who comes in ever Wednesday to look after the children by way of free medical service. However our major challenge still remains electricity supply. But of course, you know there is what is called donor fatigue.
Right now we are in need of some basic things which are giving us some serious concerns. We intend to rehabilitate the home, create a nice wardrobe, change tiles and do some painting. We also want to build a laundry section, because the location being used is not too safe for the staff. We also need an ambulance. The one we had last was given to us by Asiwaju Ahmed Tinubu when he was governor. It only packed up last year, meaning that we were able to maintain it for about twelve years.
Apart from that, we look forward to having scholarships for our children. To send them to school is going to cost N72, 350 for one academic year. As I speak, we have two in the secondary school, whose bills are higher; we have a donor who is taking care of that and we are augmenting. We actually had a school in mind, something on the average, but the donor insisted on a classier school. She’s paying the tuition and footing other bills while we’re sorting the little ones. The rest are in the primary school.
Do you have any in the university?
No. This is actually a motherless and abandoned babies home. Once the children outgrows that stage, it is the government that determines what is next. Usually they are moved to other homes that are suitable for that age.
Tell us some of your most touching stories concerning the kids.
That would be about a boy who has spent about ten years here. Somehow, he got to be aware that his mom is called a particular name. A certain newspaper that had an understanding of how he got to the home had done a follow-up story on him and she got a hint of her mother’s name in the process. He became so attached to the name that he never wanted to go to any family, once they are not bearing the name. He’d just say, ‘this is not my mother.’ But right now, he’s grown and to the glory of God, he’s likely to be leaving any moment from now. As we speak now, there is a bonding process with the to-be parents. And he’s such a smart boy, who knows what he wants, just about 11 years old now. Most of us are attached to him; even my kids are his friends. Most times that I go home, they are asking after him. Of course, they don’t know his situation and thinks he just lives here. Often they’d gather in my office and discuss their favourite clubs and players. Sometimes I worry that the bonding is getting too strong.
The other one is about a girl who had a hole in the heart. Luckily, she was taken to India at age three, but she could not be operated. She was eventually operated on the third visit. The same woman that is sponsoring the kids at the secondary school was the one that paid for the surgery. All we did was to buy the ticket.
Are they aware of their situation?
They know they’re in a home.
How do the children get here?
Some were brought as missing children through Juvenile Police, Alakara. Some were equally brought by some nearby police station, while some came in through magistrate courts through the police as a result of child abuse. Child abuse in this sense could be a stepfather trying to penetrate the girl. Sometimes, it is the mother that is imbalance and the child had to be rescued. some were also rescued in cartons by passersby, having been abandoned by the mother.
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