Toyosi Etim Effiong started her career as banking but today she has ventured into so many other things that include being an author, talk show host, producer, digital Media strategists and earning a degree from the New York Film Academy. In this interview with Yetunde Oladeinde, she opens up on her career, life married to a celebrity and writing a book about identity crisis titled, “Now you know me better”.
You are a presenter, Producer, Tell us about life married to an actor. Is celebrity marriage easy?
I am married to actor, Daniel Etim Effiong whose popularity in the past six months soared and I just thought about the women and being married to a celebrity. So, I did a write on that as well, it’s called, so you want to marry a celebrity. So, I looked at different things and events that has happened in our marriage. It’s been very interesting and when we got married , he wasn’t as popular but the popularity has grown.
How did you meet him?
We met on set physically for the first time but we had chatted on social Media. But before that I had seen him on Gidiorg, which I was an Ndani production and I wondered who is this somebody. He was playing a villain, a bad guy called Folarin and I whispered, “we must meet’. And we eventually met. I was smitten when I saw him. I sent a message to my friend, Dolapo that I have seen and found the guy.
How do you cope with the girls?
There was this film festival, slay festival.
That was when I realized that this thing is real. He is on the Men’s club now and all the four main characters of the Men’s club were invited to the festival which was organized by SheLeads Africa. It was a women’s festival and as they entered the hall, hundreds or over a thousand girls started screaming. I was like what is going on here. Then when they finished the panel as they were about to leave the ladies rushed towards them, security had to guard them and I now had to become security as well. They didn’t even listen to me. I kept wondering, I have been in this industry, I wasn’t noticed. They were rushing towards them and they had to be taken to a place that was cordoned off and there was a long line of people waiting to take pictures with him. That was when I realized that this was really serious. And of course, messages would come in, some have sent him nudes and when I read some messages I say, let me pray for you. Its only prayers that can help the situation right now. Someone once said, if not that my parents would not allow, I would have had a child for you. She did not even ask him. And of course, going to places, meeting people, people want photos with him and then acting suggestively. Sometimes, I am completely ignored and I am the one that is asked to take the pictures. The one that stood out was when I was pregnant and we were in the room with the person that does the ultrasound . Then somebody was knocking on the door in the hospital, they had that thing on my stomach, the knocking was so persistently and they had to leave to open the door because they had almost finished. Then this girl just walked in and said, I knew it was you. I had not even finished dressing up, it can be so evasive. And it turns out that she was actually a staff of the hospital.
Any regrets?
No. I knew that he was an actor before I got married to him. I was also in the limelight, I had a talk show, had another that I had licensed to African Magic. So, I was good on my own. The insecurity started when brands started reaching out to him, they wanted to make him their ambassador and I had to think about this seriously. These things break marriages easily, also thought about the divorce rate and celebrity marriages. It is way higher than regular people and it is because of the insecurity that the women face, loneliness. Like three days ago, he didn’t sleep at home and I didn’t know initially. They stayed late on set and they had to put them in a hotel and that has happened several times and some women cannot cope. Initially, you would think you can cope but you can’t. Just before I had the baby, I could do that. But how do I start driving all over Lagos with a baby
What inspired you to write your book?
The lockdown. Suddenly, I discovered that I had time on my hand and I started to revisit old hobbies which includes writing. I used to write for Bella Naija years ago. I was writing on Developmental issues, not as a staff but a contributor. So, when the lockdown started I said this is the time to go back to writing, my old hobby and all of that. I started to write on Social media, Instagram and I was writing about the different stories and people were commenting, saying things like this is hilarious, this is so funny and that was how the inspiration started. Some actually said I should write a book and I got inspired.
At what point did the inspiration come?
I would say April towards May because I was going to launch it on 8th June to coincide with when I lost my dad, on his remembrance anniversary, but it didn’t work out. I just realised that I had time on my hand. There was no rushing, everything stood still and I decided to go back to the things that I loved doing. I had also written for Genevieve magazine. I had a blog and at a time, I started a website. So, writing has always been a hobby for me. Then I started to write stories of things that had happened to me. The first one that caught my attention was the one called Lekki Chronicles. Here, I found myself in a semi brothel for accommodation. I didn’t realise that my neighbor’s were brothel people, no disrespect. One day, I just heard, ‘you thief my white man in the middle of the night. That was when I had to call the agent to ask him what was happening and it was in Lekki Phase one. So, I wrote about the experiences on Social media and it took off. People wanted more and the second one I wrote was tagged; now you know me better. This was about me growing up in two different situations. During the week, I would go to school in Victoria Island; I was living in Bode Thomas. I had rich friends and their parents were ambassadors, bank MDs and all that. But, I spent my weekends at my maternal grandma’s place; she lived in Amukoko near Ajegunle.
How many months did it take you to write it?
I would say five months including editing. In terms of the book, I would say 2020 was a productive year. The year also took a toll on my mental health, mind, emotions and all of that. Yet, a book was born out of it.
What is the message in the book?
The main theme is identify and with that comes self acceptance and self love. This is a collection of my personal stories and things that I was ashamed of in the past. But I have come to realize that this is my story. There is no shame in my own story and it has all come together nicely.
What are some of the things that you share in common with your grandma?
The first thing that comes to mind is prayer. She was a praying woman; she taught me songs, Lord’s Prayer in Yoruba. And she made sure that I spoke Yoruba. But what I have in common is praying, her spirituality, trusting God for everything, inviting God to everything and just reverencing God.
You mentioned your father earlier on; tell us a little bit about him?
My dad was Taiwo Olawale Phillips. He was a twin; we were very close because my mum wasn’t around much, when I was growing up. She worked abroad and it was just me and him. I am an only child. But he had sickle cell anemia; he died due to complications from sickle cell. I have a story in the book called my father is dead.
What do you miss about him?
From time to time, I think about how different my life would have been if he was around. He was my biggest influence, it was him I grew up with and he was very present. I miss his presence sometimes. Thinking about my wedding day, I kept thinking I wasn’t going to walk down the aisle with my dad, that got me a bit emotional but again, he has a twin who is like a second dad for me. I just miss having him around, I miss his love, and I just miss him.
What was he doing then?
My dad was a HR person; he passed on when I was eleven. He worked at Apex Mill.
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