Louisa Eikhomun Agbonkhese is domestic violence survivor, she has helping and empowering other survivors. In this interview with Yetunde Oladeinde she talked about building a shelter for victims, capturing her experience in a book, going into politics in Edo state and more.
HOW do you feel about publishing your book recently?
I feel very fulfilled today that I am able to successfully launch my book to create awareness on Domestic Violence and Laws of Protection. I feel very happy that the government responded. Even her Excellency, Mrs Ibijoke Sanwoolu sent a representative. That shows where her heart is, that you cannot be too busy on Domestic Violence issues. So, I appreciate her and the Governor, His Excellency Babajide Sanwoolu for all the efforts they have been able to make Lagos very progressive and safe for women and girls. The book is out in designated bookshops and amazon.com for those outside the country.
What inspired you to put the book together?
I survived Domestic violence and I kept quiet for a long time. However report of women getting killed, suffering the same thing triggered me. I felt guilty for more than ten years and couldn’t do anything. So, I said let me begin to document my experience. I survived it, thrived and was able to overcome the trauma. Though you cannot really get over the trauma in your lifetime. But could heal, integrate back into the society and begin to contribute to meaningful development as a woman. Putting the book together was just the first phase, but getting it out to the public was very challenging because I couldn’t afford the printing. So, when I had the opportunity of going to Europe as a Shelter City Guest, I took the manuscript along. Lo and behold, the idea was bought by Halim Foundation who made it possible for me to have it as a hard copy for everybody to have access.
What is the Shelter City Project all about?
It’s a human rights defenders Project for Violence, Justice and Peace Netherlands, where they ask Human Rights defenders who are under threats or tired to engage with them, have 90 days of rest in the Netherlands and of course to gain new experiences. It is actually for rest and safety. I was at the Netherlands for 90 days but I couldn’t rest. Till date, they said that my records there was like I came to work. How do you rest when you are having challenges. So, I took every opportunity they gave me to learn, share my experience to impact on the students because I was actually giving talks to Masters students in some of the universities in Netherlands. I made sure that I shared my story, told them what was happening, the challenges of tradition, patriarchy and all that. I came back with my book which was the greatest achievement from Shelter City Project.
Tell us about your initiative for Women?
Echoes of Women in Africa (ECOWA) was founded in 2011 out of my experience of Domestic Violence. It was not a priority issue at first because after I experienced domestic violence I worked with Project Alert, the organisation that came to my rescue. I also worked with Ikeja Weekly and was writing about Women’s issues. Then I got an invitation to the African Union (AU) by the gender directorate on the issues of women. I now found out that I was still doing things around Women again. I later got another invitation from Armani Africa by the African Union to participate in a few simulated operations and was on the gender component. That was how all the pieces began to fall together. I realised that I still had a lot to do in this area, women in conflict, women in domestic violence, women suffering one form of abuse or the other. When I returned from the Armani Africa Project by the AU in 2010, I got like minds together and came up with the idea of Echoes of Women in Africa. Today we are marking 11 years. We are not there as we as we expect but we are not out of the picture either. I am doing a shelter Project in Edo state, to God be the glory we are at the roof top level. We are using this opportunity to reflect on this so that it can be functional. There are lots of shelters in Edo State, Shelters for the battered woman. And the issue of the battered woman is very sensitive, that you have to keep empowering other women. Domestic violence is an experience that you get blamed for, the culture blames you, society blames you and family blames you.
How do you come out of that blame. That is why a lot of people keep quiet, they don’t break the silence.
It is an experience that makes the victim a villain, stigmatized and then keep quiet and continue in silence. So, Echoes of Women in Africa was established to ensure that women break the silence and we provide practical solutions, not just lip service. So, responding to the issues of domestic violence, the first thing for a woman is Shelter, where would she go to, a woman under threat. She has to remain there, if there is nowhere to go to temporarily. That is why we need to have Shelters for battered women all over the Nation.
Tell us one or two cases you have handled that inspires you?
We started the encouragers circle and we got people to come and talk to the survivors. There was a particular lady who wanted to go into a second marriage, by the time she attended twice, she was able to realise that she had some self worth and would have made another mistake if she went into the second marriage. She had to call off that relationship and that was a success story because it would have been the same thing. She would have made another mistake and ended up in another violent relationship. All the indicators were there. So, women need to understand the indicators of abuse. Many don’t know the indicators, they think it is normal. It is not normal to be under abuse and accept. You need to remove the blindfold and seek for help.
What lessons have you learnt working in this sector?
The first thing is that you have to be a voice, you cannot remain silent in the face of tyranny and discrimination. It has already caused me friction from culture. I am someone who have being singled out in my village for things I write about women. Culture don’t want you to tell women they have rights. But, I persisted and I am known for that work now. At my book launch in Benin city, my traditional ruler came. So, when persistent in what you are doing, you will be respected. Let people know that you are there. It is not just lip service, not just what I use to earn a living. It should be a passion and women would believe in you and come to you to resolve issues.
Let’s talk about your experience in politics?
Initially, I started an ethnic Women’s movement in Esan known as the Eshan Women’s movement. In 2012, I went to my community told the Women they have rights and can run for political office. The Women said no, that they had never seen a woman run for office. I decided to push them into positions like counsellors and others but met a brick wall. They had never seen it and were afraid that they might be going against their leaders. So, I said I would make myself an example and demystify the political process for them to understand that it is not for men alone. You don’t learn politics in the womb, you engage in it, get better and begin to seek counsel. I ran for the House of Assembly and was under pressure. I was told that I would be stripped naked and put to shame if I get to the primaries. Then I sought counsel from older female politicians who told me not to give up. I persisted, went to the field and everyone blacklisted me. So, with shaky hands and fear, I went to the field and got one vote. Though I have not gone back to elective position, I have had different appointments. My core passion is human rights, ensuring that the women are safe.
Tell us about your mentors?
The former Minister, Iyom Josephine Anenih is a woman I admire. She believes in other women, doesn’t look down on other women. I met her in the course of running for office, though we are not in the same party. We connected and till date, I still call her. Another woman I admire is Rt. Hon. Ative, the only female Speaker in the whole of South south. She was one of my mentors during my campaign in 2014. She told me, ‘ Don’t step down ‘. We need more women who are there to mentor others. Be available, let women come to you and share your experiences with them. That is what we need. It is not about giving money but sharing experiences and encouraging others. Mee Mofe Damijo, may her Soul rest in peace was my boss. She found me in Abuja and co- opted me as producer for the MEE and You show. I also did my Youth Service in a radio station but never been on TV as co- producer. Her death was very devastating for me.