“I stood by my balcony that quiet afternoon, watching people passing by, tears rolling down my eyes, and something in me broke,” recalled a teary-eyed Mummy Gbenro that beautiful sunny Saturday afternoon under some ebelebo trees that stood in a semi-circle as if planted to serve as amphitheatre.
She was recounting a near-suicide experience when her second baby, Omatsola, who is 16 and autistic, was three. The usual suspects of the Women Corner crew were at an autism awareness campaign by non-profit, FSS Foundation in partnership with Imari Life Recreation Centre. It was empowering parents and ASD persons. We were invited by a neighbour whose sister has a son who was living on the spectrum.
It was an informal ambiance that gave timeout to parents with autistic wards like Mummy Gbenro while they shared experience and knowledge on coping with the condition.
“I fixed my gaze on one woman, backing a baby and dragging two children on both hands while carrying a nylon bag full of groceries on her head; and nodded at her with understanding, wishing I could exchange my plight with hers,” continued Mummy Gbenro.
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“A part of me reached out from somewhere inside me to those passing by. I found myself waving at them as if to say: ‘See me…Can someone just see me, my pain and rescue me’. I tried to speak but no words came out. I couldn’t say for sure how exactly I was feeling. I was sad, tired, afraid, angry, fed up at the same time. All I wanted at that time was relief from all that I was going through. I just could not take it anymore. That was when suicidal thoughts hit me.”
“But was there nobody around you at that time,” asked Jolaolu, who was already becoming emotional by Mummy Gbenro’s words, as she grabbed a glass of Chapman on the rock.
“I had nobody with me at that time, just my five-year-old and Omatsola. We had just moved to Lagos from Warri and I didn’t have any friends or family members close by.”
“What about your husband,” our Barrister Ada quizzed.
“I was home alone with no support system whatsoever. My husband was not around: his job made him travel a lot at the time. At that moment, I didn’t care about my three years old son throwing tantrums and screaming his heart out behind me. I just wanted to escape but I couldn’t leave, I was so stuck and it hurt. I blanked out: I couldn’t feel or hear my child, who was now joined by his elder sister, crying and screaming. All that was on my mind was how to end it. But two of my neighbours who heard the children’s screams came to my rescue. The story would have been different.”
“I know the feeling. My wife had the same experience,” Daddy Anarachukwu, another parent, interjected. “I feared for her and the child because I saw the way she looked at him, especially when he was having his episodes. I became her support system. I quit my job and started a business which allowed me to work from home. That was before COVID. Today, we are the better for it. I have a happy wife, happy child and happy family. Our daughter is 14 now and she can talk and is doing great. The women are the heroes of the story. All that is needed is the right people and support for mother and child.”
“The women are indeed the heroes of the story. You cannot do without a good support system,” Mrs. Zainab Shitta-Bey of Cedarville Private (Inclusive) School, who moderated a session, noted.