SOLAPE who was brutally raped by an acquaintance at 26 while “keeping herself” and waiting for her husband found love so soon and was catapulted from the depths of despair to the greatest heights of ecstasy by the doctor who treated her after the horrible rape incident. He not only turned her life around within a few months, he also married her and ushered her into what she describes as “heaven on earth.” However, in the last two years, her heart has been with another gentleman and after 11 years of marriage, she can’t bear to live with a man she claims she doesn’t love anymore. Now, Solape’s mother never enjoyed a single day of marriage because she was rejected by her boy friend (Solape’s father) who got her into the family way and never acknowledged Solape as his child till she was age seven. Could it be that Solape is following an evil pattern which could also make her lose out of being truly loved and happily married?
Dear Solape,
It is a pity that you are not contented with what God has given you- comfort, satisfaction and protection. These are what women always pray for but you got yours on a platter of gold. Stick to your husband and enjoy his affection. A bird at hand is better than a lover you hardly know. Be wise please.
Mr. Oladipo, Ondo State
Dear Solape,
My advice for you is to stay with your husband. Although you may not love him, he loves you. Remember, a friend in need is a friend indeed. Just consider the man you claim you love as devil-sent to destroy your marriage. The first man you loved disappointed you so love is not everything. You are better off in a happy home!
Augustin, Port-Harcourt
Dear Solape,
If you get into an affair with the guy you claim to love, you will end up very miserable because your conscience will torment you and if you marry him the love will fade away and you’ll be left high and dry. The answer is to go to God to help you love your husband with His love which is unconditional, pure and eternal. Human love is deceptive and unreliable. Don’t do what will make your children despise and end you in great regret.
Helen
Dear Solape,
Any elderly, experienced and professional counsellor that goes through your letter would inquire more about your background which seems to reveal itself in your attitude to relationship. One important thing for you to understand is that parents are role models for their children; you should therefore be able to understand the way you now relate and feel towards your marriage. The age at which you were raped was enough for you to understand the difference between love and infatuation; your experience in the hand of the rapist was due to your disobedience to the divine warning you received. I sympathise with you because as I said, your growth has something to do with your role models. Role models could also mean the elderly women you socialised with or emulate, and it could be due to the environment where you grew up.
You said your mother influenced you in marrying your husband, but she wasn’t the one that encouraged you to accept the British visa and the return ticket to London. Do you want to say you could not understand the motive and the underlining aim of the doctor who gave you the free trip to London? It is hard for anyone to believe that you were blind to the motive behind the gifts.
I can gather from what you have said that you would need deliverance from promiscuous spirit, which tends to have taken over your life from the rape experience. I am convinced that you fell in love with the doctor because of the support and love he showered on you, but more than that you were a victim of ‘rejection syndrome’ at the period. And in the situation that you were at the time you would have fallen in love with anyone that could show you love. Your rapist made you feel like a rag, and the first person that changed your perception was the kind doctor. He also was perhaps in a similar situation when he found you. But all said and done, now that you are married to him and he is doing all his best to make you feel loved and comfortable, you should not repay with desertion. What I am driving at is that you are making yourself a victim of infatuation, which in all cases usually results into desertion. Therefore, there is no guarantee that you would not repeat the same experience if and after you’ve crossed over to the man in your dream.
My advice is this; don’t make yourself an abandoned woman, therefore stay with the present man to whom you have given two kids. I wish you the best of luck.
Rev. Lekan Alawode
Dear Solape,
I see you as a beloved child of God who doesn’t know her worth before God. You said you disobeyed God after He warned you from what He knew the devil had planned for you and even after the devil had his way; God had mercy on you without you asking and eased your pain. What a good God! However, you chose to follow your mother’s advice and instincts to marry your husband. Who knows, your husband could be God’s arrangement for your destiny. Whatever it is, I’m afraid your heart is very far from God and if you don’t retrace your steps, you will end up like your mother whom you said gave up on love and never married after being rejected by your father. Please ask God for the fullness of His spirit and you will be pleasantly amazed at how wonderful life would be with the man you vowed to spend the rest of your life with. Happy new life!
Love always,
Temilolu