The loss of a spouse at one point in life or the other is no doubt inevitable. When one spouse dies, the society expects from the surviving spouse to observe a period of mourning. Now, this varies from one society to the other and from one culture to another. It also could depend sometimes squarely on individual differences and circumstances surrounding the loss.
For companionship sake, it is expected that after a stipulated mourning period, the affected spouse should move on. Herein lies the pop quiz…Who moves on faster and recovers more quickly?
In this part of the world, oftentimes, women find it more difficult to move on. They cling to their children for comfort. They are hooked up to the memories they once shared with their departed loved one. So, they brood. They stop socialising. They reject love overtures from potential love interests. Oh! They never ever forget anniversaries. So you see things like, this is the second, third and tenth anniversary of the loss. They most times wish they can rewind the hand of time. I really wish I could say the same for most men. No offence meant. I was inspired write this by the story of a family friend who not too long ago lost his wife. Whilst his wife was ill, he was simply the most caring husband any right thinking woman would wish to have. He would take her to the hospital on countless occasions. He would clean her up when the need arises. He even got her a device to help monitor her blood pressure. He was cute and adorable.
He was devastated and inconsolable. You can then imagine my shock when barely a year later, he introduced to us his new wife to be. He explained how he really needed to move on and how lonely the house had become. He even added that his intended wife was a very good cook. It just made me wonder how quick it was for Mr Widower to move on so easily.
First, those who saw him while he was caring for the wife when she was sick could have sworn that this man just wouldn’t survive without his wife. It got to a point where he began to play the doctor all by himself. He would check her blood pressure. He corrected the nurses when they administered the wrong treatment. It was just love made in heaven. He made her laugh sometimes. He was the envy of all men. I remember some men saying in admiration that if I could be this loving, I would have a happier home. Oh, well, he’s moved on. A sister who lost her husband years ago was planning on marking the tenth anniversary of her husband’s death when her childhood friends surprised her with a huge party. They even planned a makeover. They knew she would be mourning as usual. They opined that if it were to be the other way round, the man would be planning his ninth wedding anniversary with another woman.
Truth is that till death do people apart, I am of the opinion that people should give a little break before taking another big step. What do you think?
Leave a Reply