Nigerians are beginning to wake up to the responsibility of providing for widows and children of military men who died in active service. GBENGA OMOKHUNU captures one of such moments.
Faced with rebuilding their lives following the death of their breadwinners, many families left behind by fallen military men are left to bear their emotional and financial cross alone.
War orphans find their situation equally difficult as many of them face growing up without their fathers. There were ways, however, in which these victims of war coped with their unique situation through self-determination, aid from family, and government assistance.
Widows are blighted by emotional hardship in a variety of ways. Many seek comfort by moving in with family members. Others remarry after the death of their husbands in order to bring some sense of normalcy into their lives.
Those with children also discover that remarriage could ease the financial and emotional strains associated with widowhood. In extreme cases, widows overwhelmed with grief succumb to alcoholism, suffer severe bouts of depression that could lead to suicide.
The children of soldiers killed in battle also experience difficult periods of adjustment. According to research, in World War II alone, government records showed that 183,000 children lost their fathers in overseas military service.
Many young children had no recollection of their fathers and thus had to rely on family stories, mementos, pictures, and letters for the missing links.
The research further indicated that children’s ability to cope with their father’s death varied considerably. While some experienced short-term loss of security, others suffered long-term psychological disorders.
With little assistance from public organisations, children’s ability to cope with loss of the father depends greatly on the type of response they get from the immediate or extended families.
Furthermore, families often help children in the grieving process by restructuring their daily routines to fill the gap created by the absence of their fathers.
Memorials in the home and larger community also help children to adjust to their fathers’ death by providing them with emotional outlet.
The presence of a stepfather in the home, however, may sometimes complicate the children’s ability to cope. Some war orphans reported a troubled home life caused by neglectful mothers or abusive stepfathers.
But many others testified that the presence of stepfathers in their lives helped fill the emotional void left by the death of their biological fathers.
Also, the financial cost of losing a husband or father invariably adds to the hardships suffered by war widows and orphans.
Between 1898 and 1945, society generally embraced men as breadwinners and heads of their households. During wartimes, soldiers’ wives rely on their husbands’ income, in salaries and allowance.
Although women during the two world wars, were said to have found new job opportunities in war industries. However, they were said to have received lower pay than their male counterparts and given slimmer chances for advancement.
Given the discriminatory rules often targeted at women in the workplaces in some societies, the then war widows were said to have found it extremely difficult adjusting to the loss of their husbands’ income.
The wives and children of deceased soldiers found a variety of ways to cope with financial and emotional hardships.
Many developed a sense of self-reliance that allowed them to adapt to the loss of a spouse or father. Some others turn to the extended family members for assistance.
Government at all levels have come to recognise the growing number of widows and orphans in need of financial assistance.
Public institutions and private organisations are now rising up to the challenge of rendering assistance to widows and orphans in the society. These institutions and private entities are however being encouraged to do more.
One of such calls came from the wife of the National Security Adviser (NSA), Mrs. Nafisat Monguno. Mrs Mongunu who is a wife to a retired military officer, urged well-meaning Nigerians to always remember the wives and children of soldiers who died in the line of duty. She also made case for children from less privileged backgrounds.
Mrs Monguno gave the charge in Abuja recently while distributing gift items like sewing machines, grinding machines, food items and cash to widows and children of fallen soldiers.
Mrs Monguno is the founder of Precious Little Lives Initiative (PLLI), a charity based foundation.
Addressing a gathering of the beneficiaries, she said, “I am motivated by God and the less privilege will often enjoy this gesture.
This foundation believes that children deserve equal opportunities. Opportunities for education, empowerment to be self-sufficient and become decent members of the society.
“An opportunity to just simply live a happy and normal life like every child should. with the right tools, love and support, they will grow to be responsible citizens as well as leaders who will inspire others not to lose hope in striving to be the very best, no matter the odds.
“We are here to share some precious moments with orphans and wives of our brave soldiers who paid the ultimate price in service to their father land. We should not forget their sacrifice. That sacrifice will never ever be in vain. I also want to use this opportunity to commend all those who made this event possible”.
The wife of the Governor of Kwara State, Olufolake Abdulrazaq, said all hands must be on deck to improve the lives of widows, orphans and children in the country no matter the situation.
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She urged recipients to always keep away from drug abuse, adding that, “We have been doing a lot regarding women, children and gender based violence. It is important to continue to project the cause of women and children in Nigeria. I am happy to see the children of the orphanage and all that we are doing with them. It is very important to continue to improve the lives of our children in Nigeria. In my little start, I have decided to work closely with Mrs. Nafisat Mungunu.
“I am sure you are all aware that we have a high incidence of drug abuse in the country and it is important for us to spread this awareness while the children are still young to make sure that they know the effects of drug abuse so that they don’t get into it.
“It is important for us to continue to engage the children, go out with them. Mothers, care givers, fathers and school authorities, please let us all step out to our responsibilities to make sure that we continue to take care of children in Nigeria. We want them educated, we want them free from harm, we want them to know the dangers of sexual abuse.
“I am glad that you know what I am doing in Kwara State. The children, the widows are also happy. You saw them in tears of joy when they were given gifts.
This will not only impact on their lives. It will also impact on their children. The positive effect is that people that depend on them also get to enjoy.
And these days, we do not just give gifts, we also empower by way of training. We have been doing a lot of skill acquisition programmes. This allows the women to work with whatever skills they get from this and make a living.”
The Kwara governor’s wife observed that Nigeria is a country of young people, so the young ones should be provided for in every way possible.
She also charged institutions and public spirited individuals to help mentor and monitor the young ones for the progress of the nation.
The National Security Adverser (NSA), Babagana Monguno, and the Minister of Youths and Sports, Mr. Sunday Dare, were among the dignitaries that presented gifts to the wives and children of fallen soldiers. It was all joy and excitement as the widows sang and danced in appreciation of the gesture.
Also present at the event were the wife of the Inspector General of Police, former Super Eagles player, Daniel Omokachi among others.