The Nation Newspaper

Category: Monday

His shoeless majesty

I am looking for Jonathan the shoeless. It is a quest I take seriously. Since the half-dusk when President Goodluck Jonathan proclaimed his humble beginnings a few years ago, Nigerians have tried to reconcile him with the rural, maritime misery of the Niger Delta.

Imagine him around Otuoke, without shoes, walking the water-logged streets. All kinds of spikes, jutting stones, entwined weeds, worms, water-borne diseases lurked. He suffered in that morning of simplicity. He might have defied his fate with play. He might have jumped and laughed in the soggy terrain, splashing the brown water, making balls out of mud and flinging them at other boys who tried to toss same at him.

He wanted an education then. Today, he has a PHD and he is president presiding over 160 million souls. Like the tale of Joseph, he rose from bowing down to being bowed to, from ordinary to king. He has soared from the prison of the poor to the palace.

But since he became president, I have tried to see the shoeless man. I have not yet found luck. Two things made me begin that search recently. His minister of immigration, Abba Moro, invited ordinary people to apply for jobs at the ministry. It seemed he was doing something good. But I learnt he asked those who had no money to feed themselves to pay in order to apply for jobs. A profit of six billion naira resulted.

Some of the applicants probably had no shoes in their beginning. They tried to get through school, just like the president. Thank God they succeeded. They were asked to pay to apply. Even private companies don’t do that. Yet the public establishment buoyed by taxpayers’ money and our oil money were asked to pay. Over 500,000 young men and women applied for about four thousand positions. Not only did they not have an interview, about 19 of them died of suffocation. Sources say the jobs had been allotted to top politicians.

The president, who once had no shoes, was missing in action. All he has done so far is to query the minister, according to the media reports. But the president of shoeless origin would not show more passion. What about asking the minister to step aside, a minister who accused the dead of impatience?

Maybe I made a mistake. The shoeless president was not in that incident. The other incident was in the story of the oil minister, the royal Diezani-Alison-Madueke, who now has to answer the query from the National Assembly about spending about N10 billion on a jet travelling around the world. This is not the first time such a charge has hit the peacock madam. Once a N2 billion charge ricocheted the airwaves about her junketing mania. We must admit she is not alone in this jet-set jamboree. Many ministers and governors do this routinely.

But she is the Teflon minister. We would think that a president who did not have enough money to buy a pair of slippers would show public discomfort. At least, he would summon the minister and make a public show of alarm at the matter. Here again, the president of shoeless origin is missing. How many shoes can N10 billion buy? Let us forget the cheap ones. How many Armani, Gucci, Ferragamo, Louis Vuitton, Brooks Brothers, etc shoes will N10 billion buy?

I also pondered all the noise over the power crisis in the country. He said he would face it head-on. He probably did, but it is the heads of the poor that are drowning in sweats of sleepless nights because they cannot have power. He said he would follow due process, but it turned out to be doomed process. The people who secured the DISCOs and GENCOs are not those who really want to work. No due process was followed. Rather the friends of government secured it. They are complaining today that what they anticipated was not what they found. If they followed due process, won’t they know the costs of transmission and transportation and the inventory of functioning and damaged equipment? Now they are complaining. We don’t have power because those in power did not contemplate the poor. I know that if the president did not have shoes, there was no way he had power growing up in the village. The irony is that their lack of due process has backfired on the elite. If they followed due process, the wrong people won’t get the contract. Now that they have the contracts, they are on the wrong end of the stick. We the people have to suffer as usual. But the man of shoeless origin has constant supply, whatever the adversity.

Now, they have announced that they are contemplating the removal of subsidy again. About two years ago, the nation crawled in protests over the same issue when fuel prices soared. Soldiers were deployed on the streets of Lagos, the hotbed of resistance, to maul and silence everyone. They succeeded. They promised that it was the right thing to do. They promised palliatives against shocks the price rise would inflict on us. They included the revamping of the old refineries, the installation of three new green field refineries, the SURE-P project to help build infrastructure, transportation and other welfare efforts. In spite of the insensitivity of the subsidy removal, it seemed the president’s shoeless origin could be sighted in the promised palliatives.

But where are the green field refineries? His shoeless majesty has not explained. The old refineries now are so in poor shape that the same government is contemplating selling them. It is still a matter wrapped in a stalemate. SURE-P has so failed that even the government has not found the words to explain why. Where are the palliatives? Forget also that what they promised to do are the routine assignments of government. They secured extraordinary money from us and still could not accomplish ordinary work.

So, why do they want to remove subsidy? Supporters say we are still importing fuel and it makes it difficult to make money for the country. Listen. Is it not incompetence that makes Newcastle to import coal? When learning figures of speech in school, we were told that it was wrong to take coal to Newcastle because Newcastle had it. It was like taking coal to Enugu. Enugu as a city is a metaphor for Nigeria as a nation. There is scarcity in abundance and abundance in scarcity.

Back to the immigration tragedy. Is it not enough that the government takes money from the people indirectly through taxes, subsidy removal, contract inflation, power projects, life on the jet sky and inflated car deals, etc? Now, they take the money directly from the poor who want jobs and the poor die to the bargain.

If in the past, they could not account for all the gains in the removal of subsidy, why should we trust them this time? As Cicero quipped, “to stumble twice over a stone is a proverbial disgrace.”

President Jonathan has to dialogue with the young boy Jonathan. To paraphrase the short story, Going to meet the Man, by black American novelist James Baldwin, the small boy Jonathan should go to meet the man Jonathan or vice versa. Maybe the shoeless boy can redeem the man. So far, I am still looking for the boy without shoes.

Poet William Wordsworth crooned: “the child is the father of the man.” Is the shoeless child in touch with the man? In the same poem Wordsworth connects the child with the man: “So was it when my life began/so is it now I am a man/ so be it when I shall grow up.”

So, let it be with President Jonathan.

March 24, 2014
Kleptocratic continuity

Kleptocracy is in the news again through a March 10 note to the Federal Government by the United States (US) Department of Justice highlighting how the late General Sani Abacha who ruled the country dictatorially from 1993 to 1998 stole $2 billion from the treasury. No doubt, the unending tale of his mammoth loot stashed away in banks across the globe continues to stretch the imagination 16 years after his death in strange circumstances, which was a major premise of the popular condemnation of his posthumous centenary award on February 28, quite apart from his equally deplorable despotism.

Preceding the revelation of Abacha’s methods, the department reportedly froze $458 million in corruption funds linked to him in secret bank accounts around the world. The action was described as “the largest kleptocracy forfeiture ever in the US”, and according to Acting Assistant Attorney General Mythili Raman of the US Justice Department’s Criminal Division, “Gen. Abacha was one of the most notorious kleptocrats in memory, who embezzled billions from the people of Nigeria while millions lived in poverty.”

The greater tragedy is that the people are still tormented by poverty through apparently advanced kleptocratic behaviour by the country’s current political leaders who, ironically, impoverish millions on the platform of democracy. Abacha was a military dictator after all, which means that he was, by definition, not answerable to the people. Obviously, the same defence cannot apply in the case of democratically elected representatives who are meant to work in the interest of the people, which certainly shouldn’t include looting their resources.

Although Abacha has earned the image of an iconic kleptocrat, the reality is that it may well be a mistake to judge him as the worst in the country’s political history. His unprecedented ruthlessness tended to attract far more attention, and encouraged a scrutiny of his leadership style, a process that inevitably uncovered the scandalously fraudulent underbelly of his reign.

More subtle leaders, both military and civilian, have proved to be vastly superior managers of kleptocracy, and they are luxuriating in their loot.

It is worthy of note that the US Department of Justice identified Abacha’s own style of stealing, which, interestingly, has not gone out of fashion. According to the report, “ The prosecutor believes Abacha and his associates conducted three fraudulent schemes during his time in office: (1) the “security votes” fraud, through which more than $2 billion was embezzled from the Central Bank of Nigeria; (2) the Ajaokuta Steel debt buy-back fraud which defrauded the Nigerian government of more than $200 million through overpayment of non-performing debt; and (3) extortion of Dumaz Group, a company operating in Nigeria, which was used to invest in Nigerian Par Bonds that were managed and traded in the United States.”

This information shows that little has changed in the approach to amassing ill-gotten gains by the country’s public officials, especially those at the apex. It would appear that those who seek essentially status and personal gain at the expense of the governed think alike, irrespective of different epochs. The “security votes” camouflage is still in vogue, not only at the centre, but also at the level of state governments; and it is perhaps the least problematic path to illegal earnings. In elaboration, the report pointed out, “In order to execute this scheme, Gwarzo submitted letters to General Abacha in his capacity as National Security Advisor, requesting millions of US dollars, British pounds sterling, and/or Nigerian naira, to address unidentified ‘emergencies’ that threatened Nigeria’s national interest, General Abacha approved these requests and disbursed the requested funds.” It continued: “These funds, however, were not used to ensure national security or stability of the regime. Instead, these funds were diverted to shell companies and personal accounts created by Mohammed Sani Abacha or Bagudu.”

Against the background of such appalling abuse of “security votes”, it is relevant, for instance, to reflect on the central administration’s counterterrorism; specifically, the fact that the economic cost of the engagement with Boko Haram, the Islamist rebel group, is in the realm of conjecture in the absence of authoritative official figures. It is also apt to note that there are grave allegations suggesting an anti-terror racket by which easy state funds for the campaign end up counterproductively in private pockets, which may partly explain the insignificant progress in achieving the desired objective of crushing the terrorists, even after a year-long emergency rule in the affected areas.

As for the shady strategy of “overpayment of non-performing debt”, it is strongly reminiscent of the great 2012 multibillion dollar fuel subsidy sleaze, only that while the former was about the inflation of actual debt to make for overpayment, the latter involved primary fabrication of debt. In both cases, the goal was fraud and the effect was corrupt depletion of the treasury.

More recently, the emotionally charged contention over the allegedly missing $20 billion dollars of the country’s oil revenues triggered by suspended Central Bank Governor Sanusi Lamido represents a continuation of the narrative of kleptocracy. The fact that the country’s petroleum exports revenue accounts for about 70 per cent of total exports revenue is indicative of the extent to which such official corruption undermines its socio-economic potential.

Evidently, it is correct to observe that the repugnant entertainment has developed well beyond the standard of the Abacha era, and the new kleptocrats belong to a different class, particularly as their ruinous looting is carried out in an ostensibly democratic environment. The charge of stealing by muscle may not hold in this evolved category, but it is theft all the same, perhaps even more devious since it is done under the cover of representative government.

What is lost to official corruption may not be quantifiable, but the tip of the iceberg can be glimpsed from the fact that Transparency International’s 2013 Corruption Perceptions Index (CPI), which is widely regarded as a reliable measurement of public-sector corruption, ranked Nigeria 144 out of 177 countries surveyed. It is food for thought that in 2012 the country ranked 139 out of 177, indicating degeneration rather than change for the better.

Tragically, the country may be far from redemption, given President Goodluck Jonathan’s remarkably pretentious remarks last week, which played down the height of corruption. During a meeting with the Nigerian community at the Country Club, Windhoek, Namibia, he said, “Corruption is everywhere but it is over-celebrated in the country to the extent that the nation and its people are stigmatised.” With the weight of contradictory evidence available, he sounded like a kleptocrat, or a friend of kleptocrats.

March 24, 2014
Immigration test: matters arising

The outrage that trailed recent recruitment test by the Nigerian Immigration Services (NIS), which left about 19 dead and scores of others injured is to be expected. Job seeking Nigerians had trooped to the various test centres by 7am as advertised by the officials. But on arrival, they had to wait for hours before being let into the stadium where the test, including some physical exercise were billed to take place.

While struggling to enter the venue in some of the centres, there was stampede as the huge crowd defied all control measures put in place. In the resulting confusion, many were trampled on the ground resulting in some deaths with others sustaining varying degrees of injury.

Since the unfortunate incident, blames have been freely bandied with much of it heaped at the door steps of the Minister of Interior, Abba Moro. Some have even called for his resignation or outright sack for the turn of events that brought about the unfortunate pass.

But he has sought to exculpate himself from the unfortunate incident. He claimed the stampede was caused by applicants who refused to obey the rules for the exercise and others who were not invited for recruitment. To share in the blame in Moro’s calculations, are the social media for allegedly sending out messages publicizing the test which in turn, attracted those who had no business there. But as the recrimination goes on, 19 of the applicants have paid the supreme sacrifice for daring to aspire to serve their fatherland. In place of elusive jobs, they have harvested deaths in return. What an uncanny irony of fate!

President Jonathan has cancelled the test and ordered automatic employment for three relations of each of the dead persons as well as employment for those hospitalized as a result of injuries sustained at the flawed test exercise. He has also ordered a repeat that is to be anchored by the Civil Service Commission.

Even then, the House of Representatives has equally commenced public hearing to unravel some of the allegations that have been placed within the public domain since the incident. Without prejudice to what may come out of the public hearing, there are salient issues that have been brought to the fore by the flawed recruitment exercise. It has highlighted once again, the debilitating high level of unemployment in the country and the urgency for serious intervention to stem the tide. A situation where 700,000 people were scouting for about 4,500 job vacancies is that desperate. Moro had argued that a great majority of those who came for the test are actually not unemployed. He talked of some professionals who are employed but needed to change job for better career prospects. That cannot be ruled out even as its value in justifying the calamity the recruitment exercise turnout to be is very weak. Perhaps, if the organizers had admitted applicants into the venue as they arrived, the ensuing stampede would have been averted. That is the key point that is being glossed over. The stampede has little to do with professionals desiring to change job.

That such people are still in search of jobs indicates that they may have been underemployed in whatever place they are engaged. Underemployment thrives within a high unemployment matrix. For people to take anything in the name jobs that have no bearing with their specialization only depicts how bad the unemployment situation is. It was therefore not surprising that applicants were prepared to go to any length including putting their lives on line to take the test irrespective of the very slim chances of success. The outcome of such a fatal disposition is what we have reaped in the high rate of fatalities.

The federal government has been beating its chest on the jobs it claimed to have crated in the last couple of months. Though this claim has been challenged by the opposition, the fact remains that even if it is true that such volume of jobs have been created, it is still a tip of the iceberg considering the huge army of the unemployed in this country.

The Jonathan administration has been blamed for the suffocating unemployment rate. It has also been chided for mismanaging the economy. Since the buck stops at their table, they have to take responsibility. But it will be uncharitable to infer that unemployment started with this administration or it is solely to blame for it. Definitely, the conditions for the embarrassing unemployment were laid long before this regime came on stream. But it gets worse as days roll by.

Apparently prodded by political exigency, universities and other institutions of higher learning were replicated in geometric progression across the country. But the creation of industries or other employment avenues have only progressed arithmetically. Such a policy dissonance can only produce the situation witnessed in the immigration recruitment exercise. There is also the issue of corruption at all levels of government which has made it difficult for the citizenry to take maximum advantage of the immense resources nature bountifully placed at our backyard. Our perception of governance and government in prebendal terms has not helped matters. This is a country where many are qualified to work and are prepared to work but there is nothing for them to do. Yet, a few individuals wallow in questionable affluence because of the undue advantage political power confers them. Is it surprising that politics has turned out the quickest means of wealth acquisition in this country?

Notwithstanding these more generalized issues, the conduct of the test itself left much to be desired. Questions have been raised as to the propriety in collecting N1000 from applicants in search of jobs that may turn out elusive. There are also posers as to why after collecting the so called processing fees the consultant could not even shortlist the qualified ones to prune the number. Worse still, it remains inexplicable why the three categories of applicants including those in the junior cadre were invited to be tested on the same day and venue.

It was certain the organizers of the event paid scant attention to crowd management. They failed to let in the applicants as they arrived. And when they eventually flung the doors open to a surging crowd, the outcome was quite predictable.

The point remains that the planning and execution of the exercise were poorly handled. It is curious that 70,000 people could be invited to the test in a stadium without writing chairs and tables and we expect miracles to happen. As it tuned out in some centres, question papers were freely hurled on the air for the fittest applicants to scramble.

Off course, scramble ensured. Many of the scripts were torn as applicants struggled with one another. Many others, for fear of their lives kept off and could not write the test. And if one may ask, what type of outcome do we envisage in a test where candidates had to fight for exams scripts in the open field?

In sum, it is obvious that the exercise was ab initio primed to fail. This is more so with the complaints by the immigration officials that they were sidelined from the exercise only to be drafted at the last minute. Between the minister and the consultants, there are serious questions to answer. It is not enough to offer employment to relations of the dead and the injured. Some people must be made to take responsibility for the avoidable tragedy.

March 24, 2014
Now, the Fulani herdsmen

It is getting clearer by the day that something urgent has to be done to stem the recurring clashes between Fulani herdsmen and farmers across the country. If anything, last week’s attack on the convoy of Benue State Governor, Gabriel Suswam by suspected Fulani herdsmen has brought to the front burner the potent danger which the clashes have become.

Reports had it that the governor’s convoy came under the heavy gun fire of the herdsmen when he made a stop over at Tse Aekenyi in the Guma Local Government Area of the state to assess the damages done by the invading herdsmen the previous week. In that invasion, 72 villages were said to have been destroyed while 25 residents lost their lives. About 50,000 people were displaced even as tension is very high with frightening prospects of total breakdown of law and order.

But for the agility of his security men who forcefully bundled him back to his car and repelled the attack, the story would have been another thing altogether.

Expectedly, the incident has attracted wide condemnations from various quarters. Chief Barnabas Gemade, the senator representing the area has raised alarm on what he termed the incessant attacks and killing of the people of Tiv and Idoma ethnic groups by the herdsmen with a warning that the destruction will destabilize the country if not quickly arrested.

He had also alleged that most of the attackers were not herdsmen but hirelings from Chad, Niger and Cameroon with the intent to cause internal crisis or war in the middle belt region.

Coming from such a highly placed personage, it is difficult to dismiss the issue with a wave of the hand. Not with the suspected culpability of Chad, Niger and Cameroon in the current war against the Boko Haram insurgents in the North-eastern part of the country. Curiously, Benue does not share any common boundary with these African countries. Which raises the question of how the insurgent managed to infiltrate Benue communities with the military arsenal credited to them without being detected?

It is not that confrontation between herdsmen and farmers is new in this country. Over the years and across the country, loss of lives and property on account of such clashes has been a recurring decimal. From Plateau to Benue, Oyo to Ogun, Nassarawa to Kwara and Imo to Abia, constant clashes between the herdsmen and local farmers have been occurring. In many of these cases, the source of friction can be traced to the destruction of farm crops by the herds. In some others, the crises had their roots in cattle rustling. But by far the main bone of contention has been the crops destroyed by the herds in the process of searching for pasture. That is why suggestions have of recent been made to the effect that grazing routes should be mapped out for the herdsmen and their cattle. A couple of weeks back, the House of Representative apparently moved by these recurring clashes called on the federal government to establish grazing routes for cattle in all the geo-political zones of the country. This followed a motion which chronicled that within 30 days this year, more than 100 lives and property of inestimable value were lost in Plateau, Ogun and Benue states on account of the clashes.

The motion by Sunday Karimi (Yagba West, Kogi State) also gave account of how herdsmen riding on about 100 horses raided border towns and villages in Guma Local Government Area of Benue State killing two soldiers, 18 farmers and displaced 3000 people. That is not all as Benue has since been the theatre of constant attacks by the herdsmen. As this article was being put together, more chilling reports of the killing escapades of the herdsmen in Benue continue to trickle in. To add salt to injury, the ancestral home of Suswam has been reportedly sacked even as the governor is yet to recover from the trauma of his encounter with the marauding herdsmen and their hirelings.

But the Fulani herdsmen have blamed Suswam for being the brain behind the clashes between them and the Tiv. According to them, tension rose when Suswam announced that he did not want the herdsmen in his state thus giving rise to the attendant clashes. They claimed that they have lost 134 of their members and 11,915 heads of cattle to the clashes in Benue, Plateau and Taraba states in the last three months.

Implicit in this recrimination is the fact that the clashes have assumed a disturbing dimension that must be urgently halted. The way things stand this confrontation may well become another veritable source of instability in the country. This is more so with the allegation that foreign African countries may be behind the clashes. And when it is realized that the same countries have contributed in frustrating efforts to contain the Boko Haram menace, the danger in the resurging herdsmen attacks can be better appreciated. The attack on Suswam bears uncanny similarity with the manner the Borno State governor, Kashim Shettima was recently attacked when he visited to sympathize with those attacked by the Boko Haram insurgents.

From all indications, it is clear the herdsmen have axe to grind with Benue for whatever reasons. The claim that the crisis was precipitated by Suswam’s alleged statement that he did not want the herdsmen in the state may be part of the grouse. But it cannot account for all. Not with the sophistication in the planning and execution of the attacks by the herdsmen who do not even reside in the state. In one of the accounts at the weekend, the attackers infiltrated through a neighboring state when the indigenes were at the farms and wreaked incalculable havoc on defenseless people. It is therefore clear that these attacks have gone beyond the usual skirmishes that arise from the destruction of farmlands and crops or cattle rustling. That is why the lead that there is a political dimension to this crisis must be explored to the fullest. Gemeda alleged that there is a plan to decimate the Tiv and Idoma ethnic groups. He also averred that the intention is to simulate war within the middle belt region. These allegations are very weighty and cannot be waved aside. This is more so, given the political tension in the country as a result of the fast approaching general elections. From the bitter acrimony generated by power competition at the centre, there is no doubt that we are home to an array of disgruntled politicians. With the dynamics of realignments throughout the country, old patterns of political support are changing. Some of the zones hitherto assumed to be monolithic with very predictable support direction are now confronted with the challenges of self determination. It will not be surprising, if the resurging insecurity in the middle belt bears positive correlation with this state of flux.

If a governor could be so attacked even with the security at his disposal, then the matter is turning into something else. That seems to be the point that has been poignantly underscored by the attack on Suswam. Perhaps also, the Benue attacks will serve to draw the attention of governments to how political grouses can find ventilation through the instrumentality of the herdsmen. That is why the idea of mapping out grazing areas for the herdsmen in the six geo-political zones cannot fly. Such exclusive areas could further provide the base for the herdsmen to now attack and conquer the zones. There are standard practices in cattle farming. The herdsmen should be made to key into them.

March 17, 2014
Obasanjo’s problematic age

With the benefit of hindsight, the eyewitness account of ex-President Olusegun Obasanjo’s visit to Rivers State to inaugurate some of Governor Rotimi Amaechi’s projects on February 17 and 18 should prompt reflections. According to a report by Bisi Olaniyi of The Nation, “At the commissioning of the Ambassador Nne Furo Kurubo Model Secondary School, Ebubu-Eleme-Ogoni, Obasanjo staged a high drama that sent the audience reeling in laughter and amusement. The state-owned school was built on 21 hectares of land and managed by an Indian firm, named after Nne Furo, the first female Permanent Secretary in Rivers State and a former Nigerian Ambassador to Trinidad and Tobago, who was present at the commissioning.”

He continued, “Both Governor Amaechi and Kurubo had used the steps to and from their seats to present their speeches, but when it was Obaanjo’s turn, instead of using the steps, he just lifted himself up and jumped up into the 4 to 5-feet podium to the thorough amazement of the audience! The funning ex-President, wearing a smirk, told Amaechi that he jumped into the podium to prove that even though he was older, he (Obasanjo) was stronger. He added that he decided not to inform his security team because they would have dissuaded him against it.”

Furthermore, the report highlighted Obasanjo’s display during “the commissioning of the Buguma Mega Fish Farm in Asari-Toru LGA in the old Port Harcourt Township, popularly called Town Guguma Fish Farm.” According to Olaniyi: “At a point, a member of the cultural troupe broke out and danced towards him (Obasanjo). And quite unexpectedly, the ex-President stood up and danced towards the dancer, obviously impressed by her dancing prowess. However, in the process, Obasanjo himself demonstrated a dancing agility belying a man of his age and status. He engaged the dancer in what looked like a dancing competition. The crowd yelled in ecstasy and awe. Shouts of Baba! Baba! rent the atmosphere. The thoroughly amused guests and hosts laughed to their fill!”

This background proved useful in the context of Obasanjo’s “77th birthday” on March 5. It would appear that his earlier theatrics in Rivers State was a conscious statement on his vitality, particularly for the benefit of those who perhaps underrated his fitness. In other words, his exhibitionism, for that is what it amounted to, had the objective of projecting a sound body.

Obasanjo’s apparent demonstration of vigour was significant, given the fact that his biological age is a subject of debate and the possibility that he could be much older than his publicised age. It is noteworthy that he admits that he does not know his true date of birth, a position he reiterated at his Olusegun Obasanjo Presidential Library in Abeokuta, Ogun State, during the latest celebration of his “birthday,” saying that he would make it known “sooner or later.”

His words on the occasion: “There are some people, including me, who do not know their exact birthday. My mother told me that I was born on Ifo market day. According to her, in our village, she had prepared to go to Ifo market and Ifo market is every five days. She said as she was preparing, she fell into labour and before those who went to Ifo market returned, I was born. Don’t ask me what month or what year. Whether I know the exact date or not, I think God has made my path to be glorious.”

Nevertheless, there is the inevitable question: Since there is no record of his birthday, how did he arrive at “March 5, 1938”? Interestingly, the issue was complicated by the contradictory assertion of the Olowu of Owu Kingdom, Oba Adegboyega Dosunmu, who described Obasanjo as his “close friend.” He reportedly declared at the event that the former president knew his actual date of birth, adding that a small circle of his friends also had the information. However, it was disappointing that there was no disclosure.

Without doubt, Obasanjo has understandable reasons to express gratitude to the Almighty. Despite his disadvantageous beginning, the retired Nigerian Army general unprecedentedly became the country’s head of state twice. He was a military ruler from February 13, 1976 to October 1, 1979, and a democratically elected two-term president from May 29, 1999 to May 29, 2007.

What is regrettable about his good fortune is the fact that his track record as a leader is not particularly complimentary. Indeed, he continues to battle the charge of “wasted years” which, sadly, may follow him to the grave. The truth is that he largely failed to demonstrate sufficient sensitivity to what Jeremy Bentham calls “the greatest happiness of the greatest number”, which is tragically ironic against the background of his own unremarkable, not to say impoverished, early years.

In this connection, President Goodluck Jonathan’s story unavoidably comes up. His tale of initial poverty, which he made public, drips with touching emotion, particularly his claim that he was “shoeless”. However, again, as in Obasanjo’s case, it would appear that the experience of hardship brought little or no enlightenment on the overriding importance of people-focused service in the context of governance.

Remarkably, Obasanjo’s official birthday had what can be considered a moment of illumination, when he said, “I have been very lucky for many things. On one occasion, I said God had never disappointed me and a journalist who thinks that he knows too much asked if I had disappointed God. I said ‘of course’. As long as I am living in flesh and blood, I am liable to be unworthy in what I have striven to meet the standard of what God expects of me.”

He needs to be told that mere philosophising cannot be exculpatory. Being human, which is trite, is no excuse for lowering the standard of good governance. It is disturbing that, despite this admission of inadequacy, he does not extend it to his years in power. If there was any fog concerning his psychological condition, it was cleared by his remarks at the Fourth Annual Ibadan Sustainable Development Summit organised last year by the Centre for Sustainable Development, University of Ibadan, in collaboration with African Sustainable Development Network. He seized the platform for self-glorification, and by the time he was done, it was unmistakable that he desperately desired worship. His keynote address at the forum on “Leadership in Africa’s Quest for Sustainable Development” turned out to be an enthusiastic exercise in embroidering his over-dressed conceit. He projected the impossible image of a flawless hero, whereas quite a few would question the basis of his self-perceived greatness.

Obasanjo argued baselessly that the “younger generation” was to blame for leadership failure in the country and, by extension, on the African continent. It is noteworthy that he was quoted as saying, “We had some people who were under 50 years in leadership.” Age, again! For a man who appears to be ignorant of his real age, his problematisation of age should not be surprising.

March 17, 2014
On our behalf

The story fizzes with fear and trembling. Young men and women rose in the morning with zest and hope. For years, all most of them wanted were jobs. Jobs gave them food on the table but, more importantly, the pride of life. But few days ago when the countless numbers of them attended the Nigeria Immigration Services job recruitment exercise, death replaced hope. It skulked and triumphed over at least 19 lives.

Stampede swamped the venues across the country. Imagine the sight of the three pregnant women gasping for air in Ogbemudia Stadium in Benin City, or the three who lost their footing and choked as the crowds trampled over them in Sani Abacha Stadium in Minna. Imagine the families of the beloved ones in Port Harcourt who had to swap their earlier wishes of good luck with dirges and funeral faces as they headed for the state hospital. Five died in the garden city. In the nation’s capital Abuja, which was the headquarters of the recruiting agency, how could you explain the eight snuffed out giddily?

Explanation will trump explanation in the coming days. The inspector general of police may utter sympathies to the families of the bereaved while doling out symbolic punishments to the police men who shot into the air at the Ogbemudia Stadium. Already the Federal Government is commiserating with the families.

The narrative affirms a cliché narrative of contemporary Nigeria. Our youths are wasting away. To paraphrase the poet Wordsworth, it was not bliss that day to be alive, and to be young was not very heaven. In fact, some went to heaven prematurely. The youth wanted an opportunity to toil, to be useful to themselves, to their families and their country. Plato wrote youth is the time for any extraordinary toil. They lacked the opportunity. Those who survive would wonder about their own fortunes in a day they wanted to change their fortunes.

These are the youths who belonged to a different universe from the young men who are ravaging northern Nigeria in the name of faith and in rebellion against their despair for a nation. These are the young men who would not rumble like the others in the Niger Delta for the brutal flamboyance of militancy. These are not stalking the well-heeled for kidnaps. In these days of female vulnerabilities, the young men wanted work, not harlotry.

But what of the sheer numbers of these young men and women? They are big enough to form a division of an army, and fight for their fatherland. But more importantly, shall we not see this as example of a failing state, if some would not call Nigeria a failed state as yet.

I also see the irony of some of the venues, the stadiums. Stadiums were primarily the fare and fair centres of the land. Football of the local varieties dwarfed any foreign intoxications of the FA Cup of European Leagues. That made the stadiums special places of memory. With increasing poor leadership and the contraction of the economy, every other part of the Nigerian life dipped. So the value of the stadiums changed. Stadiums became constants not for entertainment, but worship. We did not go to stadiums to play but to pray, not to laugh except in ecstasies of belief, not to kick and clap for the physical prowess of the young. They kicked the devil away – dem mash am – and clapped for the Lord, and hailed the prowess of God.

Now, stadiums serve as death marches. From the recent incidents, the young did not play. They did not pray. They struggled to stay alive. Imagine the five who fainted at the Mudashiru Lawal Stadium in Abeokuta.

The story is the tragedy of a nation unaware of the time bomb of youth. Not all the jobless showed up. Those who did still believe in a nation where many Nigerians think the exercise was mere government public relations move. They think the well-connected are already employed and the many others who came were to broadcast the government’s efforts to reduce unemployment.

I think our elite have to think deeply from the tragedy. It is a signal and a warning. We cannot continue to live with flamboyance and see the young toil in despair. We cannot ride flashy cars, live gaudy opulence, in palaces and soar in private jets. The political elite ought to think deeply about how selfish efforts cut away employment opportunities. When a government votes billions for roads that don’t get done, or hospital contracts that go through variations every other year, they fizzle out job opportunities. Imagine if all the road contracts across the country were fulfilled to the letter. They would have not only created many jobs, they would have unleashed wealth in the land. Look at the Lagos- Ibadan Express Way, for instance. Shall we compute how many billions would have gone into it? And it goes through rigmaroles and nonstarters in the name of election promises and teases.

If all the billions of dollars allocated to revive power have been executed faithfully, shall we not have thriving businesses, and fewer jobless men and women? The tragedy of the new power arrangement is corruption. Those who arranged the DISCOs and GENCOs allocated them to themselves. When they took over they discovered it was not as cheap and easy. They would need to seek more funds. They had seen only profit before the acquisitions. Well, they did not do due diligence just like other things in government. It has now backfired on them. The Frankenstein wonder has become their Frankenstein monster.

If they followed due diligence, maybe those who really want to do it would have gotten it, and we shall not be in this tizzy of despair over power.

They always tell us they are doing it on our behalf. Subsidy, for instance, is on our behalf. It is the way the political elite say they are doing infrastructure, roads, hospitals and schools on our behalf. The contracts are given on our behalf but we do not get the roads, or we get them partially done so they can get partially done again. So the unfinished road or school or hospital will remain a basket case for the people but a perennial goldmine for the contractors and the government.

It is in the same way that the subsidy scandal must be viewed. They say they are giving us subsidy on petrol, the price goes up. They say they are giving us subsidy on kerosene, we don’t see the product. If they do roads, schools, and hospitals we don’t enjoy, why should we enjoy subsidies executed on our behalf? All these they do on our behalf led to the mass hysteria over jobs last week. They are our time bomb, and our political leaders must do something before the kidnappings, Boko Harams, militancy take new dimensions around the country.

March 17, 2014
At last, the conference

Barring the unforeseen, President Jonathan will today inaugurate the National Conference. Already names of its leadership and the 492 delegates have been unveiled. With these developments, the stage is now set for the various interest groups to engage each other on the best approaches to a stable federation. This is more so given that even after living together for 100 years, fissiparous and centrifugal tendencies have of recent been on the ascendancy.

The pressure has been so much so that even ardent advocates and supporters of Nigerian unity have had cause to rethink that position.

When the idea was made public sometime last year, there were divergent responses from those who spurned it and others who thought it was a thing whose time had come. Issues were raised regarding its propriety especially given the fast approaching general elections. There were other matters relating to nomenclature, mode of representation, legitimacy of its decisions and above all, the sincerity of the superintending government.

Yet, many others felt events today make it compelling that we talk, if anything, to renew confidence in our commitment to live together. The inauguration will put paid to the debate regarding the desirability of the conference or not. Coming at a time of waning confidence in our capacity to live together, the conference will create the needed ambience for aggrieved sections to articulate their positions and seek accommodation within a common milieu.

This is especially so given that one issue at the centre of the current tension in the country has been which section of the country should take a shot at the presidency come 2015. The north fells it is its turn in view of the zoning order in the PDP. The defections and counter defections as well as the bad political blood now flowing among politicians have their roots in this. We have been told of agreements or no agreements to serve for a single term and all that talk. We have heard of sections threatening fire, lime and brimstone should this or that happen. There is also the Boko Haram debacle that has been aptly classified as political grievance masquerading under a religious garb. All these fissures are indicators of a centre that can no longer hold. Do we need any body to tell us that it is time to sit down and address basic questions of our existence? If after 100 years we are yet to find a common handle to national integration, is it not suggestive that we have to go back to the drawing board else we risk dire repercussions? Can’t we learn from contemporary events in countries that have passed through this path?

The point here is that Nigeria does not seem to have an alternative than to sit down and realistically craft the architecture of a stable and sustainable federal order. What we currently operate is federalism in its most aberrant form. Though extant regulations on the conduct of national affairs do exist, but they have not served the collective interests of the disparate groups that make up this country. Thus, the recurring decimal these issues have become.

The main concern of those genuinely committed to Nigerian unity should be how to generate consensus on the vexed issues of our federation and incorporate them into the ground norms governing the country. That is the challenge. It is not enough to parrot Nigerian unity, its indivisibility and sacredness. It is not sufficient to decree Nigerian unity a- no-go-area as Jonathan and the Nigerian Supreme Council for Islamic Affairs have done.

The question is, do we have the necessary dispositions and how much of the sacrifice that will stave off the constant recourse to parochial and primordial proclivities are we prepared to make? How prepared are we to significantly diminish the constant competition for the loyalty of the citizens by these cleavages? So it is not just a matter of sanctimony, grandstanding or precepts. It is a feeling that has to become manifest in the way sections react to such genuine issues of friction as fiscal federalism, devolution of powers, state police, revenue allocation and true federalism

It is the overarching powers and influence of the centre that have in the main, accounted for the bitter struggles for its control, thriving corruption and the attendant underdevelopment despite the huge resources nature bountifully endowed this country. The need to whittle down these powers can only be discounted at the expense of national stability.

But what you find when discussions commence will be a situation groups and sections hold on tenaciously to pre-determined views that are patently incapable of advancing to cause of true federalism. Then you begin to wonder if all this sanctimony about the unity and indivisibility of the country has become an end rather than a means to common good. You begin to wonder if the refrain has not become a subterfuge for holding others down.

Yet, we are better as a united country especially given the attendant economies of large scale. The strength of Nigeria in its current form cannot be discounted both economically and politically. But that strength should not be allowed to become a liability. It should neither stifle intellect and innovation nor become another platform for the promotion of mediocrity. Sections that should ordinarily have moved notches higher in the development matrix are held down by a balancing process and tardiness that have left us in the current pass.

It is not for nothing that regional development paradigms have now become very attractive options. Its proponents see in it a convenient way to circumvent the huge baggage and liability which the central authority has become. So when people talk of re-negotiating the basis of our common existence, it is a mark of their frustrations with the inability of the central government to deliver public goods and services efficiently and effectively to the constituent units. This category of people are no less patriotic than those who at the slightest chance, parrot national unity and its indivisibility but are found wanting when it comes to the necessary sacrifice and disposition that will sustain what they preach.

That is why it is difficult to fault the views of advocates of all issues under the sun, including the unity and divisibility of Nigeria being discussed. Those who root for the inclusion of self-determination and the right to secession in the agenda of the conference may as well be more patriotic than others who do not want such issues mentioned.

It is vital that these items are discussed and positions taken on them. They could become stabilizing factors out of our present logjam. Nigerian unity and indivisibility have been taken for granted for too long. It is time to subject our commitment to that unity to another test. There is the nebulous assumption that this unity will always be wielded by the force of arms. Yet, the force of arms has been most ineffective in that assignment. It is this over reliance on the capacity on force to wield sections together that has been the greatest deficit of our union. That accounts for the arrogance of some sections and disregard for mutual respect among the constituent units.

Giving constitutional backing to the right to self-determination and secession will reverse all that. It may not necessarily lead to the disintegration of the country as being feared. But the fact of their existence will make all sections conscious of the need to sit up, live together and respect the feeling and sensibilities of the constituent units if they really appreciate their importance. It could turn out the recipe for a stable nation that is bound by love and mutual respect and not one that is sustained by ephemeral force of arms.

March 10, 2014
Marginalisation, or what?

Surely, it must require a demanding leap of imagination to recognise the omission of two attention-grabbing characters deserving prominence in the controversial list of 100 centenary heroes and heroines, both living and dead, which was approved by President Goodluck Jonathan. The noisy February 28 conferment of “Centenary Honours Awards” on the collection of “Nigerians and friends of Nigeria” across 14 categories lost much of its lustre not only on account of the significant rejections by a number of illustrious personalities, but also because of the treatment of the noteworthy duo as inconsequential.

On the contrary, there is no doubt that Major Chukwuma Kaduna Nzeogwu, who announced Nigeria’s first military coup on Radio Nigeria, Kaduna, on January 15, 1966, and then Colonel Chukwuemeka Odumegwu- Ojukwu, who on May 30, 1967, declared Eastern Nigeria a sovereign state to be known as Biafra, prompting a 30-month civil war, were undeniably men of striking consequence in the context of the country’s political evolution.

It is pertinent to contemplate whether these actors have a place in any of the classes that informed the Centenary Award Ceremony at the Banquet Hall, State House, Abuja. These include: Contributors to the making of Nigeria; Heroes of the struggle for Nigeria’s independence/Pioneer political leaders; Pioneers in professional callings/ Careers; Pioneers in commerce and industry; Promoters of democratic transition in Nigeria; Heroes in global sports competitions; and Accomplished pioneer public servants.

Others are: Accomplished contemporary entrepreneurs; Distinguished academics; Internationally acclaimed artists, literary icons and journalists; Outstanding contemporary public servants; Outstanding bravery and public spiritedness; Outstanding promoters of unity, patriotism and national development; and Exemplary service in the promotion of peace and moral excellence.

It is food for thought that Nzeogwu, speaking for the country’s first coupists, said, “The aim of the Revolutionary Council is to establish a strong, united and prosperous nation, free from corruption and internal strife.” According to him, “Our enemies are the political profiteers, the swindlers, the men in high and low places that seek bribes and demand 10 percent; those that seek to keep the country divided permanently so that they can remain in office as ministers or VIPs at least, the tribalists, the nepotists, those that make the country look big for nothing before international circles, those that have corrupted our society and put the Nigerian political calendar back by their words and deeds.” His punch line was: “We promise that you will no more be ashamed to say that you are a Nigerian.”

These words, uttered almost 50 years ago, are as potent and correct today as they were then, which is a tragic statement on the country’s trajectory. It is disturbing that Nzeogwu’s indicting declaration sounds contemporary. Worse still, the incumbent government seems to be perpetuating the old order. The point about this specific military intervention is beyond the fact that the coup plotters disrupted a democratic arrangement; the overriding consideration should be whether the aberrant move had redemptive value.

With due respect to the fashionable demonisation of military rule, the truth is that patriotism can be clothed in military uniform, which is not to say that benign dictatorship is preferable to democratic governance. Nzeogwu and his associates were apparently motivated by lofty objectives that reflected promotion of unity and corporate progress; they also seemed to care about peace and moral example.

It stretches the mind to think that Nzeogwu was dumped in favour of an individual like General Sani Abacha, another coupist of a later era, whose reputation for unrepentant evil and mindless acquisition outlived him and remains a reference point. He was, ironically, honoured for patriotism and national development. Not surprisingly, five days after his widow, Maryam, received his posthumous centenary award, it was reported that the United States (US) Department of Justice had frozen $458 million in corruption funds hidden in bank accounts around the world by Abacha who ruled the country with an iron fist from 1993 to 1998 when he died in strange circumstances. The action, described as “the largest kleptocracy forfeiture ever in the US”, was a further demonstration of Abacha’s insensitive dominance, continuing the unending tale of his mammoth loot stashed away in banks across the globe. “Gen Abacha was one of the most notorious kleptocrats in memory, who embezzled billions from the people of Nigeria while millions lived in poverty,” said Acting Assistant Attorney General Mythili Raman of the US Justice Department’s Criminal Division.

It is incomprehensible that this same monster, apart from the glory of a centennial honour, has his odious identity positively publicised in various places across the country, whether in the naming of streets or even hospitals, among other incredible monuments to savagery and rapacity. The fact that his family members showed up for the award is a sad commentary on their shamelessness, particularly when eminently qualified persons stayed away from the ceremony on grounds of impropriety.

Paradoxically, in a case of reverse patriotism, Ojukwu who attempted a dismemberment of the country perhaps ultimately helped to advance the cause of unity, even if unknowingly. The civil war triggered by his spatial seizure underlined the intensity of a desire for togetherness by the rest of the country. The war slogan of the federal side, “To keep Nigeria one is a task that must be done”, mirrored the pursuit of unity in diversity.

Furthermore, the apparent display of magnanimity by the federal side at the end of the war, encapsulated in the improbable expression, “No Victor, No Vanquished”, was of historical import in the country’s march to nationhood, which regrettably remains a mirage.

It is worth highlighting Ojukwu’s naive insistence on fidelity to military hierarchy in the aftermath of the Northern counter-coup of July 29, 1966, which resulted in the killing of the Supreme Commander of the Nigerian Armed Forces and first military head of state, Major General Johnson Aguiyi-Ironsi, an easterner. In other words, he stood for order and appropriateness, which has a ring of virtue. Ojukwu had argued that the most senior army officer after Ironsi, Brigadier Babafemi Ogundipe, should take over leadership, not Colonel Yakubu Gowon who was favoured by the coup plotters. The complication that arose from this disagreement contributed to the degeneration of the situation.

The official exclusion of these particular players from the centenary honours illustrates the extent of subjectivity that marred the show. What is the fundamental moral? The troubles of yesteryear are very much in the present.

March 10, 2014
Disgrace

ONE was condemned as a sinner, and the other side punished him. But the punisher, also agog with iniquities, gets away with many misdeeds. So what we have is an inequity of iniquity. One side is more endowed and the other on the scale of sinning.

I am referring to the Central Bank Governor, Lamido Sanusi’s story, his suspension and the saga of the Jonathan administration with its litany of scandals. Sanusi accused the president of failing to account for a large sum of money. It turned out his was a mathematical gaffe, a stumble of figures that undermined his bona fides as the supremo of figures. What was $49 billion turned out to $12 billion on reconciliation? That was sin number one. Sin number two was that he did not apologise, but he insisted he was right, but that the money was not accounted for the way he expected it. After perusing the figures, he says he was not wrong, but the figures were accounted for through a different process. His other sin? He did not do enough homework before pealing to the world.

It turned out that the president had been unhappy with him. So he suspended him for other sins. That he spent too much of the CBN money for charity, gave contracts to his friends and political cronies, allocated money to the mint that was used for printing money outside the country, acted as the be-all and end-all of the CBN because he was chairman and governor in the same breath.

The sins of this man were compounded by the familiarity of cronies in the aftermath of his suspension. When he arrived the country on his suspension, he was received by partisans of the opponents of the president’s party, the APC. That was another sin. He was not allowed to have friends even if they belonged to another party, and if they had known each other before either the PDP or APC was conceived, or even before this democracy took seed in the imaginations of men.

Sanusi bore a regal indifference to the charges. He did not agree with the charges, and rather he decided to challenge his suspension in court. Another sin. He was supposed to lie low and allow the president and his horde of incessant gunslingers pockmark him to oblivion.

Those who were angry with the CBN chief did not ask many questions from the other side. They did not ask why the president did not show balance. The other side said that was president’s sin number one. He never showed any public umbrage at his minister who is ex-this and ex-that on the world stage. He did not say $10.8 billion is a lot of money, especially when it was now difficult to pay our bills. Price of oil is the highest in recent memory but our current accounts profile is going down to seed and dangerous territory. When this sort of scandal happened when I was a student, another president called Shehu Shagari, had to make a live address and explained to the nation the dynamic of the account. Lack of communication was Jonathan’s sin number two, if lack of outrage was sin number one. Lack of public censure of his two favorite ministers was his sin number three. The sins are piling up.

Some raised an earlier matter. He had an aviation minister accused of car worship, or automobile vanity, depending on how you viewed it. She turned the ministry of celestial matters into a centre of terrestrial scandals. She was supposed to care for our skies and heavens but she came down to earth to ruin things. She did not care for the planes but she sullied the earth with sudden sedan sins. So hundreds of millions were spent to buy a car with armour. The president did nothing except to allow her to accompany him from the land of sin to the holy land where they all received blessing and purification. After they cleansed hands and souls, it was not proper to punish her because Stella Oduah had become the Lord’s anointed, especially when one of the top anointed ones who had heavenly gift with aircraft led the odyssey in their chariot to the Lord.

Those who did not believe in the anointing said it was Jonathan’s other sin. He did not show balance, and did not suspend the woman. But when it came to Sanusi, he suspended him immediately. Thereafter he asserted in a choreographed media chat that if Sanusi was cleared of the charges he would restore him as the vicar of our financial soul. So what happened to the absolute powers he boasted about on Sanusi’s case? Why did he not apply them on other ministers? He gave Oduah a “safe landing,’ as though she was falling from the celestial sky where she was appointed to chaperon, a safe landing her inefficiency could not afford many Nigerians who are now history from air disasters. She is no longer minister, but her case has not been treated.

If he wanted to follow due process and fairness, why did he not apply same to her other angels, Diezani Alison-Madueke and the Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, his ex-this and ex-that on the world stage? They are still in office while their stewardships are under investigations. That was another sin. Some holy tears for him. We now face the charge of $20 billion. Attention is gradually going to other matters. If it was wrong for Sanusi to give crony contracts, what of the many contracts to those who now watch over our waterways and pipelines where we keep hemorrhaging billions. One cronyism is better than another cronyism?

Obviously the two sides are sinners. One sinner, Sanusi, has not denied he did things, even if he did not accept them as sins. He did not deny he unleashed high numbers that turned out hoaxes, and some said it might have destroyed our economy for raising such false alarm. True. I wonder if they did not think that other true alarms like Oduah’s N255 million, or Alison-Madueke’s N2 billion on jet or the agreed upon $10.8 billion were not serious enough to disrupt a nation? Now an aviation group says a certain minister has spent our N10 billion in two years on a private jet for repairs and leisure travels around the world.

It is clear the nation is the biggest scandal of all. In any civilised society, neither the CBN governor nor the president would survive a month of the scandals on both sides. But Nigerians, ever tolerant of sins and forgiving of foibles, explain away the disgrace. We oversimplify them in terms of parties and tribes and faith. Sanusi is Fulani, Jonathan is Ijaw, Oduah is Igbo, Sanusi is Muslim, Jonathan is Christian with pastors drooling more around him than the Holy Spirit. So, we should let the matter be while many poor suffer, power is failing, jobs are few and infrastructure in coma.

The irony is that we live in disgrace and we know it not. It is like the Nobel-Prizewinning novel Disgrace, by South African writer J.M. Coetzee, in which every side enwraps itself in disgrace and thinks the disgrace is on the other side. When a society falls into disgrace and it is not willing to challenge itself, it has lost its moral compass. That is Nigeria.

March 10, 2014
Centenary guests

I contemplated a Nobel prize-winning novel titled One Hundred Years of solitude while I watched the centenary awards to a motley crowd of honourees. The novel told the story of a family that destroyed itself systematically over a century. Garcia Marquez’s opus, acclaimed as one of the best-written novels of all time in any language, unfolded in a mock-heroic tone of tragi-comedy. It seemed he knew of Nigerian awards because, in spite of the destructions, the family heroes thought they were noble people. That chimes in with the award night and its list. Here is what the guests did that night unseen to many viewers. It is dramatised in the following report.

The queen of England attends the centenary awards night and gives an acknowledgement speech, and what sort of words does she unfurl? “Thank you Nigeria and President Goodluck Jonathan for this award. I thank you for acknowledging the role we played in enslaving your people, unleashing soldiers to suppress your resistance, for teaching you how to make laws, for exploiting your resources for the wealth of England, for suppressing your nationalists, like the upstart Macaulay, flamboyant Azikiwe and the subversive Awolowo.” And the audience, seeing the splendor of the queen in her aged and sluggish dignity, gets up and applauds.

What would Abacha have said, if he were alive, with his trademark goggle and relentless scowl? “Thank you my countrymen, I did not want to give you democracy, but I was trying to stay in power for life. I survived the poison of the mistresses, and on my watch the great MKO, Abiola died of poison. After all, even though I stole a lot of money and this government is chasing my loot everywhere, I am happy you acknowledge that I increased our revenue, even if it came freely from oil. I did not have to work. The oil was there and the market ready. I take the credit. That was part of my legacy of vision 2010, which actually was not methodical. It was just a way to deceive all that I had a plan to hand over power. Thank you for the honour.” The hall comes down with applause.

IBB would also mount the podium, with President Jonathan draping him with a medal. He says, “I knew you would recognise at last that it was an act of great patriotism that I denied my friend M.K.O. Abiola the mandate. Democracy was going to come today in spite of the annulment. If I did not annul, we would not have had Sani or Ernest and I wonder how different the award list would look today. I have not apologised for the annulment, and the honour today not only vindicates me, it has been proved right in all of history.” Kaboom!

Ken Saro Wiwa, pipe in mouth, swaggers in. Once he sees Abacha’s ghost, he takes out his pipe from his mouth and bellows, “what am I doing here?” He disappears as if in chase of Abacha.

MKO Abiola’s family rejected the award, but imagine the man came from the grave and accepted. Hear him: “I am here to reject the award. Please don’t put that thing on my neck. Why are you awarding me that gift, for dying and not becoming president? When you won your pan-Nigerian mandate, would you have loved it if they did not allow you mount the throne? By the way, I won the first and real pan-Nigerian mandate.” As the audience wonders how to react, the man, like Hamlet’s father’s ghost, disappears, saying in a voice of stuttering, tremulous plea, “Remember me.”

Lord Lugard, if he had an opportunity to materialise on stage before President Jonathan, would also have his say. “Thank you for acknowledging my time in government. I was the first, and I was known as governor general. Thanks for praising me for all the good things I did. I suppressed your bloody natives for trying to resist my will that the HMG had assigned me. For your information, HMG means his majesty’s government. I presided over the amalgamation of north and south. I know you said God was behind the amalgamation. I know you are a religious man and do a lot of internal and external pilgrimages. But the amalgamation had nothing to do with love of your people. It was pure convenience. It was very costly to administer the north but the people were calm. It was profitable to administer the south, but your people were troublesome. So it paid us both economically and philosophically to bring you under one umbrella. I thank you for this acknowledgement. If I had any moral doubts in the grave, now I am at peace.” Before the medal reaches him, he saunters backwards and vanishes.

If Buhari were asked, he would simply say, “I know I deserve it, but why are you giving it to IBB who removed me. Were you justifying his coup?” a murmur in the crowd responds: “He was a tyrant and he worked with Tunde Idiagbon to make life hell for Nigerians.” It was IBB amidst several disembodied heckles.

Imoudu, the labour stallion, who fought for the underclass all his life, notes as he walks the stage. “Look,” he says as if addressing the President, but he is looking at the television camera. “I want to say the fate of the workers are as bad as any era in my days. All the heads of state did nothing for the workers. Why are you blessing me? Are you mocking me? Are you giving me a medal of failure since the workers’ fate has remained poor?” He also spirits away.

The audience is now worried over some of the responses of the crowd. D.O. Fagunwa, also on the honours list, explains the spectacle of appearances and disappearances. He blares out: “Don’t worry, my people. You know in my stories I created the canvas of spirits. So I am the one who has enabled all of the men to come and go. Don’t be troubled. I am Fagunwa. I created the passageway. Where is Wole? I am told he is not attending. He should have told you about Abiku. He knows a lot about those who come and go and come again. Also Okigbo knows about the cycle. He receives his award but he spirits away and the award drops from midair.

Flora Shaw emerges. “Why am I honoured,” she asks, “for giving you an anthem you rejected?” but before she acknowledges the name Nigeria, the abami eda, Fela Anikulapo Kuti, emerges.

“Wetin una dey do for here,” he says in his mock-hectoring voice. “You are giving award. You are giving award to all the enemies of Nigeria. You gave to the queen? All hail the queen whose government made my people slaves for over a hundred years, colonised us. Na so una dey do am? Then una put Gani and IBB for the same podium. You want them to embrace or what. And the man wey kill my mama, influential mama, original mama, etc, una want make I take award with am, for this Nigeria where everything don tear to pieces like second tier…” a mixture of embarrassed acclamation and boos, just like a night in the shrine.

Historians Dike and Ade Ajayi receive awards with reservations: “remember that the local peoples of Nigeria were in the throes of nation-building and we did not need the queen and Lugard to give us a country if we wanted it. The Yoruba were fighting a war of nationhood, and the same had happened in the Niger Delta and sameness already existed in the east. The Sokoto Caliphate and Borno Empire had formed with special dynamics. All of them could have come together in a conference from outside and without rancour rather than what we have today with national conference with internal rancour. The British did us no favours.” They depart in peace. Achebe makes a cameo appearance: “I agree,” he says, “there was a country before things fell apart.”

Soyinka walks in and says, “According generalised but false attributes to known killers and treasury looters is a disservice to history and a desecration of memory. It also compromises the future.” The curtain closes.

March 3, 2014