The Nation Newspaper

Category: Thursday

  • Danjuma at 80

    Danjuma at 80

    This piece “In Defence of General Danjuma” was first published in The Guardian on July 2, 1988. It is as relevant today as it was 29 years ago.

    There is an on-going war by plebeians against General Theophilus Danjuma (rtd), a hero of war and a hero of peace. They have taken up arms against him precisely because he had said there might be no democracy in his lifetime and that there has never been a civilian government worth defending.  But sadly, his adversaries who are now pitched in a battle royal against him know very little about this courageous man with a heart of steel who can lay equal claims to being a hero of war as well as radical intellectual.

    In July 1966, when an armed mob turned against their superior officers in Abeokuta and Ibadan, Danjuma, then a Major in the Nigerian Army, selected the most able loyal northern soldiers (there were only 50 Yoruba soldiers out of 500 based in Ibadan and 26 out of a battalion based in Abeokuta in July 1966) to replace Major General Aguiyi Ironsi’s normal guards. Thereafter, he preceded single handedly to arrest his General. He had told Major General Ironsi with bravado “you are under arrest, you organized the killings of our brothers in January… you will answer for your action”. The rest is history.

    This act of bravery is not the only thing that marked out Danjuma. He was to become the most positive influence for sustaining the Nigerian federation when the armed rabble in Lagos headed by our hallowed late General Murtala Mohammed and Martins Adamu insisted, after ferrying their families out of Lagos in a hi-jacked British Airways VC-10 airline, that the north must secede from the federation. Their other objective was to sink Lagos with dynamite. General Danjuma was apparently one of the few sane soldiers that averted that calamity.

    General Danjuma was to later become one of the best Chiefs of Army Staff Nigeria has ever produced. He established the Staff College at Jaji for the training of unduly radical officers, demobilized the mostly illiterate ex-service men that had then become an albatross for General Gowon.  Above all, he built befitting officers mess for his men.

    General Danjuma’s adversaries who may not know or appreciate the above achievements may also not know that his disenchantment with democracy or what Schumpeter aptly described as “the rule of politicians” did not start yesterday. About 10 years ago, he had refused to see 13 years of military rule as an aberration.

    To him then, the intensive preparation for civilian rule did not mean a return to democracy. His thesis: “we have never had a democracy in Nigeria precisely because Nigeria’s grasp of democracy and her commitment to the rule of law is extremely tenuous relative to some countries of the West”. To him therefore, it was a fallacy to talk of a return to democracy. His verdict: “the more I wonder whether democracy is possible in a country where the easiest means of becoming a national hero is to assault the police and where everybody threatens secession whenever his petty ego is hurt”. To him therefore, “democracy will remain a mirage in Nigeria for as long as the politician is not prepared to respect all processes of democracy”. That was in 1978.

    We can easily see General Danjuma as a man who abhors “religious bigotry and parochialism” and to whom pretence of any form has always been abhorrent and has remained consistent. This is one reason he is shoulder high above many of his inconsistent fair-weather adversaries who have today taken up “arms” against him.

    We can easily understand the problem of his adversaries.  The Democrat is a newspaper that only thrives at the advent of civilian rule. We can also sympathize with The Guardian’s slavish commitment to liberal democracy and abhorrence for “unlettered” soldier’s rule. One can similarly understand the problem of Haruna Mohammed who was sincere enough to admit that General Danjuma has always faulted his now predictable stand on national issues. Ditto for the Maiganis, the faceless Candidos and Abba Dabos. We know where their interest lies.  But the strength of General Danjuma seems to end with the above weaknesses of his adversaries.

    It appears to me that his thesis, like most of all soldiers’ and politicians’ suffers from what Karl Popper describes as “poverty of historicism”. Because of the brevity of time, his theory has no universal applicability.  When he first propounded his theory in 1978, the civilian had only ruled for barely six years as against the military’s 12 years of socio-political and economic chaos. His exposure in politics, which was the only basis for his pessimism, is too short to support the force of his assertions. His other thesis that there has never been a civilian government worth defending easily raises the question of whether there has ever been a military regime worth defending.

    If his righteous indignation is based on the financial indiscipline of the discredited politicians, we can assuage his injured moral sensibility by reminding our highly respected General Danjuma that the miasma of hopelessness that today characterizes our economy and the current unprecedented human suffering were indeed nurtured by the military politicians during our profligate years of abundance. If on the other hand, his raw feelings were a reaction to the pervasive corruption that has become synonymous with our system; we can chill these feelings by admitting that neither soldiers nor politicians enjoy any credibility.

    The verdict is that we are all guilty. Under the military for instance, an audit examination at the Nigerian External Telecommunications traced financial abuses back to 1978 with $53 million dollars unaccounted for. The administration of the Federal Housing Scheme led to the loss of $43 million dollars while the renegotiations of the Jaguar jet contract saved the nation $30 million dollars in kickback.

    In the same vein, the chairman of the investigation panel into the activities of board members notably those of the Federal Mortgage Bank blamed them for “acting in concert to render the bank impotent by systematic plundering and looting of treasuries”, and for the Delta Steel Company of “stupendous fraud”. The siphoning of millions of naira from the National Youth Service Corps, the widespread corruption at the Abuja Capital Development Authority, the illegal export of refined petroleum products that was then costing the country over one million dollars a day were all products of a conspiracy between the proprietary classes, consisted of the bureaucracy, military elite, business class and other marketable professionals who share identical interests.

    If, therefore, financial indiscipline, lack of control in the public economy and privatization of public funds are joint efforts of all the ravaging elites, it becomes difficult to make a distinction between civilian and military governments. In our peculiar historical circumstances, perhaps it is even more difficult to make a distinction between civilian democracy and military regime.

  • Nigeria’s embarrassments

    Nigeria’s embarrassments

    In model earth, the incumbent government would be a scar to Nigeria, a degeneration to coarse civilisation. But there is hardly anything ideal about our world thus we are stuck with a Hobson’s choice. While it may be true that we dodged devastation by voting out Goodluck Jonathan and his People’s Democratic Party (PDP), it need be understood that President Muhammadu Buhari’s presumed moralist, disciplinarian stance and the All Progressives Congress (APC)’s romanticised ‘Change’ has become urban legend, a whimsical narrative peddled by incurable optimists dreaming of a better tomorrow.

    Buhari may not be corrupt but his government is septic with worms; and his APC, contrary to its earlier posturing, manifests as you read, like a clean breath of fresh stench. Contemporary facts affirm this ugly reality: from embattled former pensions boss, Rasheed Maina’s – reinstatement while under scrutiny for fraud – to shameful shenanigans of an APC-controlled House of Assembly and a very corrupt civil service, Buhari seems to have bitten more than he could chew.

    Maybe his touted renouncement of corruption isn’t childish or duplicitous after all; 2019 is 365 days away and so much could happen before the next general elections. Will Buhari do better or will he do enough to get re-elected?

    Buhari’s fate and the APC’s chances should be the least of Nigeria’s worries, youthful Nigeria to be precise. What is the future of the youth in the coming dispensation? Will the youth continue to serve as thugs and errand boys for the incumbent ruling class? Will we bend and break to the lure of filthy lucre?

    An inordinate lust drives the Nigerian youth to self-destruct. Having perverted the natural order that places man above money, the animate cowers to the inanimate. Nigeria submits to mammon, and science, technology, power, property and other bastions of materialism own and control us. The consequences are rampant and discernible for all to see.

    The lust for money has put paid to our staunch adherence to a cultural value system, that incontestable code of personal and societal ethics that supposedly humanizes the average Nigerian and moulds him into a fuller, better breed.

    The current generation, the youth especially thus manifests a dissonance with future bliss and progressive leadership anticipated of it. I will not bother over the shortcomings and atrocities we inherited from preceding generations lest I tow the oft beaten path and glamourize our claims to victimhood and base sentimentality.

    If the Nigeria we inherited is truly shorn of values and promises of a brighter tomorrow, must we aggravate the circumstances that foist upon us such hopelessness?

    One of the most curious kinks of this generation is its sustenance and worship of the incumbent ruling class. Consider the former administration of President Jonathan for instance; men and women that erstwhile professed to champion the people’s rights united to defend Jonathan’s ‘honour’ and justify the unceasing ineptitude and mindlessness of his administration.

    They conveniently forgot that the administration’s insensitivity, clumsiness and gluttony cost Nigeria thousands of lives and public fund till date. Evidences of the government’s incompetence and tactlessness abounded in its appointment of men and women unfit to run a roast corn kiosk to man the nation’s finance, aviation, health, defense, foreign affairs, education, works and housing ministries to mention a few. The citizenry’s election of shady men and woman into the nation’s legislative chambers and their defiant justification of the emergence of such individuals in the country’s hallowed chambers was equally instructive in the nation’s descent the steep slope of institutional corruption and decadent culture.

    This anomaly periodically incites harsh criticisms and disillusionment among the citizenry. However, as had always being the case, the leading critics take no part in the pursuit and actualisation of majority will beyond lip service. Nonetheless they proceed with the most vulgar extravagances courting power and projecting it, irrespective of the nature of men and women that wield it.

    It is incontestable that many of such men, including the former president’s media aides attract to themselves, too much of every ill that lies on the threshold of psychosis and common crime. They cackle like a coven of crooked enthusiasts that see every shortcoming of the incumbent administration as cause for political theatrics and hysterical spinning.

    Such men are very useful to the ruling class; wobbly in intellect and infinitely handicapped by greed, they repeatedly parade themselves as pirates amenable to crimes and accessible to venal enterprise. They eventually shed their pretensions to heroism and honour to unite with the ruling class in its savage war against the citizenry.

    We have fought many wars in Nigeria. Wars for Biafra and the soul of the Niger Delta. The ongoing war for and against the soul of the northeast currently asphyxiating in the grip of terrorist sect, Boko Haram. And the never-ending war against thieving governors, legislators, and a corrupt judiciary.

    These wars are ultimately triggered by our failures with money and its innumerable material vestiges. But the wars of the underdog, Nigeria’s impoverished lot, has a greater significance than all of the others.

    This daily battle for the soul and survival of the struggling working class and barely existent middle class is merely an episode of the universal war that constitutes the true nature of humanity and history of the world—the war of good against evil, ruling class against working class, the haves against the have-nots.

    These wars however, are lost on all fronts even before the masses march on to the battle field every day. This is a consequence of the knavery of men, mostly in their youth, entrusted to serve as our moral sentinels, custodians of culture, value and hope for a brighter tomorrow.

    These men, contrary to their touted crusades in the interest of the citizenry, unconscionably mutate into more savage destroyers of hope and forms of life than the ruling class they were known to despise.

    But rather than call them out as the savages and murderers of hope that they have become, the Nigerian masses continually rationalise their betrayal arguing that they were only being smart. Perfidy and greed thus become noble enterprise in the Nigeria of our dreams.

  • Libya’s death chambers

    Libya’s death chambers

    The search for the golden fleece or greener pastures did not start today. In the past, our fathers embarked on journeys to distant places to better their lot. They travelled to the United Kingdom (UK) or the United States (US) mostly. Those countries were then ever ready to welcome strangers and a lucky traveller could end up taking up the citizenship of either country. But the trips were planned ahead of time. The traveller did not just wake up and embark on the journey.

    It was something the entire family even knew about. Thus, in some cases, it was done with fanfare. “Our son is travelling to obodo oyinbo”, the proud parents will announce to wellwishers, who will in turn pray for his safe return after a successful sojourn abroad. But now, things have changed. Many of our youths travel out of the country without their parents’ knowledge. To them, there is nothing wrong in that. Their argument is that since the society has failed them, they should be allowed to take their destiny in their own hands.

    Nobody is quarrelling against that since their parents took similar actions in the past in order to make it in life. What many are saying is that these youths should look before they leap. Unfortunately, they are just taking the plunge without a deep thought. Whereas in the past, our fathers had well laid out plans before going abroad, the same is not the case today. The difference is in our youths’ craze for fast buck. They believe that the streets of London, New York and Rome are paved with gold, which are there for the picking.

    And without giving it a thought, they jump at any invitation to travel to Europe – where they believe it is very easy to make it. In the past, our fathers had their credentials with which they could further their education abroad. Again, the same cannot be said of many of our youths who are desperate to go abroad to seek better life. What better life are they going to look for without first laying the proper foundation at home? The sordid tales by returning Nigerians from Libya in the past few weeks have brought to the fore our failure as a nation.

    In many of our compatriots’ desperation to cross to Europe, they went through Libya or the Mediterranean Sea. Before leaving home, they are told that they will pass through Libya because it is an easy route to Europe. Since they are already dreaming of Europe, they accept what the intermediaries call the ‘’terms and conditions’’ of the trip. The terms are usually killing, but because they think they are smart, they do not bat an eyelid before agreeing to them and by so doing, they unknowingly sign their death warrants. It is when they get to Libya that the reality of their foolhardiness usually dawns on them, but by then, it is too late to reverse the situation.

    They end up in slave camps, prostitution houses and other dark places where life is brutish and short. They found themselves in trouble because they wanted a short cut to Europe. There is no short cut to greatness. It is either you work and pray for it or go through hell if you want to short circuit the process. It is a shame that as big as we are as a country, we cannot cater for our citizens. This is the reason for the mad rush abroad. But it is not enough reason for people to walk into fire with their eyes wide open. This is what those trying to cross into Europe through Libya or the Mediterranean are doing. They are paying a big price for their actions. A girl said she slept with 18 men in one night and was paid N15,000 out of which her sponsor took N10,000, leaving her with N5000. Yet, she did not get to Europe, the continent of her dream.

    A man said he watched Nigerian girls being raped by some Arabs. Many were impregnated, with some returning home, clutching their babies. Many are wont to blame the government for their nasty experience, like one of the returnees, who noted ‘’…the truth is this country has nothing to offer us. Those that have various degrees are on the streets, no jobs for them. The attempt to travel to foreign land is as a result of bad leadership…’’ If things are rosy at home, many would not seek to go out in search of a better life. We are a blessed nation which should be the envy of others. But we have misused our God given resources and made our citizens objects of ridicule  in Libya and other parts of the world.

    Many of our compatriots’ experience in Libya should ginger the government into action to turn things around for the betterment of society. If virtually all the returnees’ plaintive cries do not touch the government’s heart, nothing will ever move it to reshape the country for the greater good of all.

  • PDP’s pangs of rebirth

    PDP’s pangs of rebirth

    Since the conclusion of its convention in Abuja on Saturday, all has not been well within the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP). Those who lost out in the power game are still seething with anger. Many chairmanship candidates are not happy with how things played out. They should have known better. I do not pity them. The contenders from the Southwest should have known that there was no way the governors, who are mostly from the Southsouth and the Southeast would have supported them.  The well known ambition of Ekiti State Governor Ayo Fayose, who had earlier thrown his hat into the ring for the party’s presidential ticket, spoiled their chances. As usual, he was clowning.  He knew the ticket cannot go to the Southwest after the party had zoned its national chairmanship to the South. The Southwest contenders, who wanted the post micro zoned to their region, so as to exclude the Southsouth and Southeast from running, also did not help their own case when no fewer than seven of them showed interest in the race. None was ready to step down for the other. In that wise, what is the essence of micro zoning? Uche Secondus, who emerged chairman, has embarked on reconciling with them so that they will let bygones be bygones. It is all a ploy to use them in 2019 to win election in Southwest if they can, but after that what will be the region’s fate?

  • Atiku’s jinxed presidential bid

    Atiku’s jinxed presidential bid

    In a nation with records of ‘delegated’ Prime Minister,  Head of State  imposed through ambush by coup plotters with hidden agenda, president corralled into office despite loud protestation that he did not forget anything in State House, ill-prepared presidents who at the end of their tenure admitted being entrapped by their self-serving captors and a nation that even celebrates an ‘accidental civil servant’, as if bureaucracy has ceased being a  specialized field that requires long years of training and apprenticeship, it is an irony that leadership of Nigeria has continued to elude Atiku Abubakar, who by training, experience, carriage, confidence is eminently qualified  to run the affairs of our nation.

    And it is not as if Atiku, a grassroots mobiliser, generous giver, with friends in high places and among youths he has successfully mentored, has not paid his dues. As a  son “of an itinerant trader who travelled from one market to another selling imitation jewellery, caps, needles, potash, kola nuts and other nick-knacks…” who unfortunately passed on while he was just starting school, Atiku’s life has been  a lesson in hard work, determination  and courage. All those who have worked closely with him play glowing tributes to his humanity.

    His bid for leadership however seemed to be jinxed since 1990 when he first lost his bid to be governor of Gongola State and in 1991, when his SDP ticket for the governorship of Adamawa State was annulled. In 1993, he had stepped down as SDP candidate for MKO Abiola with an eye on the vice president’s slot. He however lost out to Babagana Kingibe and SDP governors without whose support, MKO’s 1993 pan-Nigeria mandate would have been impossible. In 1999, he traded his hard-earned governorship victory of Adamawa for Obasanjo’s vice president with the hope of succeeding him in 2003 or 2007. In the pursuit of his ambition, he had stepped on the toes of an unforgiving Obasanjo, who not only drove him out of his official residence and out of PDP but foreclosed Atiku ever becoming Nigeria’s president.

    In 2007, Obasanjo, a shrewd politician, played Umaru Yar’Adua, Shehu Yar’Adua’s younger brother against Atiku, the rightful inheritor of Shehu Yar’Adua’s Peoples Democratic Movement (PDM), a platform Atiku had made available to Obasanjo who had no political base having been rejected by his own Yoruba people in 1988.  Atiku took refuge in Tinubu’s AC in 2007. Both he and Buhari were however rigged out by Obasanjo and Maurice Iwu in the most scandalously rigged election in our nation‘s history where even the declared victor questioned his own victory.   Atiku, against all odds, crawled back to PDP where he lost against Goodluck Jonathan, Obasanjo’s adopted godson in the 2011 PDP primary despite his adoption as northern candidate by powerful northern PDP leaders. Jonathan’s decision to contest the 2014 presidential race against his gentleman agreement to do one term drove Atiku and his supporters to the embrace of APC then at a gestation stage. Here again, he lost to Muhammadu Buhari in a keenly contested APC primary of 2014.

    Last week, Atiku again crawled back to PDP with Jonathan’s degrading precondition that he first beg Obasanjo who is no longer a member of PDP. With the takeover of the PDP by Ayo Fayose and Nyesom Wike, two controversial politicians for whom the end justifies the means, the fulfilment of Jonathan’s humiliating condition does not seem sufficient guarantee for securing PDP 2019 ticket.  If Atiku survives the road blocks already erected by these two spiteful politicians, he will then start erasing scars the PDP left behind after 16 years of mindless looting. It will be his lot to defend the defunct CAN’s charges that “PDP turned Nigeria into a borderless land of unending misery, ethnic warfare, insecurity and torture”; allowed for the “takeover of the country by sundry armed gangs, killers of all sorts, suicide bombers who have brought Nigeria to the level of strife-torn Somalia”; made the country a morgue of decayed and obsolete infrastructures”.

    After crossing this hurdle, Nigerians have to be told how the new PDP, controlled by those who freely set thugs and armed militants after political rivals  will improve on the baleful legacies of  Babangida, Jerry Gana and Bode George’s old PDP.

    It cannot also be good news for Atiku that Buhari is likely going to secure the APC ticket to run in 2019 if he asks for it. Buhari has in spite of his initial health challenges, his government initial lethargy and insufficient support from his timid APC that is yet to appreciate that a political party is like a cult organisation that has no place for deviants, delivered on his core promises viz, anti-corruption war, revitalising the economy and ending insecurity in the north-eastern part of the country.

    In spite of sabotage by some corrupt members of our National Assembly and a few bad eggs in the judiciary, Buhari’s anti-corruption war is on course. Stealing is now corruption and as Magu, the acting chairman of EFCC observed a few days ago, ‘the days of impunity are gone’. Nigerians are today united against corruption to guarantee sustainable development peace and security.

    Recession has effectively come to an end in spite of antics of IMF and World Bank foot-soldiers in Nigeria and other prophets of doom that predicted Nigerian recession would drag on for years. Not many economies have been known to survive a recession in one year.  Buhari’s greatest success by far is in his battle against Boko Haram insurgents. Life is gradually returning to the north-east devastated by Boko Haram’s mindless killing of innocent Nigerians. Buhari’s success in routing Boko Haram out of Nigeria has been hailed by world leaders. Only last Sunday, Fareed Zakaria in his popular GPS Sunday programme quoted the latest report of Global Terrorism Index indicating terrorism in Nigeria has decreased by unprecedented 80% in two years compared to 40% in Iraq, 24% in Syria, 14 % in Afghanistan and 12% in Pakistan.

    Above all, the integrity of Buhari, who Atiku will have to square up with if he secures the PDP ticket, remains unassailable. He therefore remains a formidable opponent to Atiku who has spent a great deal of time defending his own integrity.

    Atiku’s first campaign outing last week was a disaster. His attack on Buhari’s record on job creation opens him to counter attack. By claiming that Nigeria lost three million jobs in two years will lead to how his mismanagement of the privatization process cost Nigeria the loss of World Bank projected seven million jobs.

    Year 2019, is increasingly becoming dicey for Atiku.  If he loses once again, it will not be as a result of lack trying or inadequate preparation. The fault will be in his stars. Ahmadu Bello who never prepared for leadership of the country got it on a platter of gold and gave it to Tafawa Balewa, a non-Fulani minority from southern Bauchi whose grandmother had called for the killing of all Fulani that failed to vacate their land. On the other hand, there was also the Great Zik of Africa, who first studied politics as a science and practiced it as an art in preparation for Nigerian leadership. There was also Awo (the best President Nigeria never had) who spent all his nights when his contemporaries were carousing, studying Nigerian problems and proffering solutions. Nigeria’s leadership eluded both. Atiku should be happy to be in good company of these eminent and great forebears.

  • Southwest: Time to applaud our governors

    Southwest: Time to applaud our governors

    Last Thursday, December 7, newspapers carried the news of a meeting by the six governors of the South-west – a meeting at which the governors agreed unanimously to “adopt a common position” on amendments being proposed by the National Assembly to the Nigerian constitution. Sure, in the light of today’s realities and needs of Nigeria, the amendments being pursued by the National Assembly to the Nigerian constitution do not amount to anything important. Earlier proposals that the National Assembly should include the issue of devolution of powers from the federal centre to the federating units had been shunted aside by the National Assembly. After that, what was left in their amendment   package was a jumble of proposals concerning matters that, in serious essence, can be regarded as, altogether, inconsequential.

    But, as I see these things, agreeing to adopt a common position on those inconsequential constitution amendment proposals was not the core of the governors’ decision in that meeting. For me and, I believe, for the whole Yoruba nation in Nigeria, the governors’ core decision was to agree to “adopt a common position” in recognition of, and obedience to, the truth that, according to Governor Akeredolu who spoke for the six, “Yoruba is one with the same destiny”, and that “hence, party politics would not be allowed to divide them… “. “As you can see”, Akeredolu explained further on behalf of the six governors, “all of us are one from Oduduwa. All of us, being brothers, are presenting the same position on matters that are of common interest of all of us, and we are doing it together”. Governor Akeredolu made it clear that the issue of constitutional amendments was only one of the issues that the governors’ meeting considered. “There are many things that we have endorsed…”

    These are excellent sentiments towards the good and wellbeing of the Yoruba nation.  They bode well for us Yoruba. And our governors deserve to be applauded by us all.

    The experience of the Yoruba nation in Nigeria in these times has been one of lack of contact with elected Yoruba public officials, leading to a feeling that we Yoruba are abandoned by Yoruba leaders who hold offices in the governance of Nigeria. It is not that the governors of our six states have been totally failing to do and achieve some modicum of development and progress. Given the Nigerian structure whereby states have to depend on federal doles for everything, whereby states are impotent beggars for federal favours, whereby federal fixation on revenues from only one resource bedevils the Nigerian economy, whereby the federal authority itself is overburdened, chaotic and hopelessly incompetent, and whereby federal infrastructures and services strangulate development and progress all over Nigeria,  we have to acknowledge that our six state governments have not been doing too badly on the whole in the provision of public services and facilities. In fact, there are many of us who would point to the fact that our six state governments still rank among the leading achievers among the 36 state governments of Nigeria.  Our Lagos State, blessed with much internally generated revenues of its own and with much stability in governance, leads Nigeria in development, progress, services and facilities; and our Ogun State follows proudly closely.

    But provision, or lack of provision, of governmental services and facilities, is not the crux of our feeling of being abandoned by our elected public officials. For decades now, we have watched in dismay as our state governments have operated in almost total separation from one another – as if we Yoruba are no longer a nation, a people, “with one destiny”, in the world. We have watched helplessly as this separation has gradually weakened our nation’s well-known development capability. And we have watched in utter shock as our elected officials – our elected legislators in the federal and states legislatures and most of our governors – have kept mute over developments that undoubtedly threaten our well-being and our future as a nation. In an unbroken chain for over three years, Fulani herdsmen have brought herds of cattle into our farmlands, destroyed our farmers’ crops, and killed our farmers who dare to protest. Not even our most highly placed citizens who choose to engage in farming have been spared. The Fulani herdsmen’s terrorism is threatening to destroy the foundations of our economic life and, as one writer on the social media put it, threatening to turn our people into beggars in the streets. More and more, the evidence mounts that these outrages against our farming population are not random or ignorant acts, but that they are organized and purposeful. If any situation has demanded united and firm action by the governors and other elected public officials of the Yoruba nation in recent times, this one is it. Thank God for our one governor (Fayose of Ekiti State) who immediately put up serious resistance; and thank God for others who have more or less followed suit. But what would have met our expectations as a people would have been some very affirmative joint action by all our six state governments, supported by our federal legislators, our Houses of Assembly, and by masses of our nation’s leaders, to show definitively that we Yoruba will not surrender to this invasion of our homeland, and that we will not yield to any federal pressure for space in our homeland for primitive cattle rearing.

    Most Yoruba who understand what a restructuring of the Nigerian federation would mean to development and socio-economic progress in our homeland, as well as in all other regions of Nigeria, have also been surprised that Yoruba elected public officials have tended to abstain from the widespread demands among Yoruba people, as well as in other parts of Nigeria, for restructuring. Of course, we Yoruba are very grateful to those of our leaders and civic organizations that have been spearheading this demand for restructuring. We are very grateful to the organizers of the recent Yoruba Summit on Restructuring, and to the thousands of Yoruba people who turned out to make the summit the stunning success that it was. Also, we are very grateful to all our six governors for supporting the summit in various ways – and again to Fayose for personally attending and delivering a message. But, why do we not have regular and consistent leadership of our governors in this matter? Would we not have succeeded much more than we have done if the world has seen our governors standing resolutely with us and in front of us? Isn’t it their duty to stand by us in all our legitimate desires and endeavours as a people?

    We Yoruba need desperately that our elected leaders should change these attitudes of theirs concerning our strivings, our wellbeing, and our future. And that is why I think we should show them that we are especially grateful now that they have chosen to “adopt a common position” in recognition of, and obedience to, the truth that “Yoruba is one with the same destiny…(that) party politics would not be allowed to divide us…”, that “all of us are one from Oduduwa…all of us, being brothers, are presenting the same position on matters that are of common interest of all of us”. Filled with gratitude, we shall all look forward to seeing this new dispensation as it manifests regularly from now on in all aspects of the life of our Yoruba nation in Nigeria.

    The fact and reality of the Nigerian situation is that we Yoruba must jointly find and follow ways to take care of our own wellbeing – just as other Nigerian nations must take care of theirs too – material and secutity-wise. That, after all, is the meaning of federalism. A nation that fails to learn that exposes itself to avoidable suffering.

  • PDP and its new enforcers

    PDP and its new enforcers

    Move over, the  Old Guard. There are new kids on the block.

    For long, the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) was like a ship with two – or  more – captains. The weather was rough; turbulent. Humbled at the polls by an electorate that felt enough was just enough and hobbled by a debilitating power struggle that threatened to end it all, the PDP got a lifeline with a Supreme Court judgment. Senator Ahmed Makarfi’s faction won the bitter battle for the control of the party. Former Borno State Governor Ali Modu Sherrif -where in the world is he now? –  beat a retreat. He went home quietly, perhaps to re-launch his bid for the soul of what was once the largest party in Africa.

    All was set for the convention that many saw as a redemptive tonic for the opposition party. The elders, including former military president Gen. Ibrahim Babangida, were excited by the prospect of a rejuvenated party. He issued a lengthy statement warning against the influence of money. How wrong he was.

    On the eve of the great convention, a “Unity List” surfaced, as reported exclusively by this newspaper. It was the governors’ weapon for the final push against the old guard, including Babangida, himself a master of subterfuge and obfuscation, and former President Goodluck Jonathan, who has vowed not to sleep until PDP returns to power. For how long can a man stay awake?

    The elders wanted former Education Minister Prof Tunde Adeniran as chairman. They put the governors under the gun to install him. But the new enforcers wanted Uche Secondus, a prince and former interim chair of the party. The battle was joined.

    The elders hammered out a “National List” and ordered everybody to fall in line. But the new power brokers, although not as experienced as the old hands, are more ruthless, brutal and aggressive. With a huge arsenal of cash and an army of ruthless soldiers who knew how to fight, they easily overran the old guards.

    Adeniran staged a walkout as soon as he perceived that it was all over. Southwest delegates and their naïve leaders who campaigned on their knees, begging for the job – have mercy on us; we’ve never had this job since the birth of the PDP – instead of flaunting their solid credentials and credibility, were sulking like some hungry kids.

    Nobody listened. Secondus – a cheeky fellow said the name sounds like one that will always put the troubled party in the second position – snatched the trophy. The losers, lacking in that spirit of sportsmanship which the elders are preaching, said the election was sold to the highest bidder. Did they also bid? They did not stop at that. They claimed that there were 2,115 registered delegates; the final count was 2,297. Isn’t that to be expected in such a crucial election?

    Congratulations Secondus, the chair!

    Missing at the convention was garrulous former Aviation Minister Femi Fani-Kayode. He seems to be unusually quiet nowadays – his opponents claim, without proof anyway, that he is broke and depressed. Dr Doyin Okupe, the one who said he should be called a bastard should Buhari win the 2015 presidential election, was not there either. Many were surprised, but I’m happy to report that the Ijebu prince is hale and hearty; he is only trammelled by the prospect of an uncertain political future, according to sources. Olisa Metuh, I am told, rescheduled a crucial meeting with his lawyers to attend the convention, but he got a raw deal, barred from the VIP stand for some inexplicable reasons.

    Kudos to the architects of the new order. Stand up for recognition, Ezenwo Nyesom  Wike, chief, lawyer, politician and governor of Rivers State.

    Wike is believed to be the lead actor in the coronation of Secondus. He led his brother–governors to seize control of the party from the old guards. When accused of imposing Secondus, Wike merely dismissed it with a sneer. “I’m free to support any candidate,” he said, adding : “Making statements that some people have hijacked the party is not correct. With all due respect, the people know what they want.”

    Bold, brash and brawny, the chief is no stranger to political wars. He had surmounted great odds that would have sent many a candidate throwing in the towel and running for dear life to become governor.

    Ironically, his opponents have refused to acknowledge his remarkable courage. They taunt him endlessly with that victory. They claim that his road to the Government House was paved with the blood of innocent citizens.  A lover of contact sport – he recently bankrolled a wrestling tourney – Wike is never afraid of a fight. In fact, his road rage with his predecessor Rotimi Amaechi grabbed the headlines the other day.

    Never afraid of telling the truth – an attribute which his opponents mistakenly describe as arrogance – His Excellency pointedly told the Southwest PDP chiefs that their zone was of little significance in the new calculations.  When a group of students who claim to have been abandoned in London stormed the Chatham House where His Excellency delivered a lecture, bearing placards and raining expletives on the authorities, Wike smiled. “I’ve gone past this stage,” he told them.

    Those who saw police chief Ibrahim Idris and Wike locked in a big hug at a ceremony in Port Harcourt thought their long verbal war had ended. They were wrong. Wike, a master of ambush, decided to up the ante. His opponents have accused  him of spearheading the SARS-must-go  protests against the police Special Anti-Robbery Squad.

    Despite all the accusations against him, His Excellency keeps hauling in awards as the world recognises his talents. For some newspapers, he is “Governor of the Year”. He has been honoured  by the “Sustainable Cities and Human Settlements Awards (SCAHSA), which is said to be backed by the UN, but derided as a big scam by – who else? – the governor’s political foes.

    Step forward Ayo Fayose, “architect of modern Ekiti, leader of the opposition, friend of the poor” and leading apostle of the much ridiculed but highly successful Stomach Infrastructure – the vote harvesting formula that has made an average Ekiti citizen the envy of all, with robust cheeks and bulging tummies.

    Fayose is said to have played a major role in the coronation of Secondus at the convention, which His Excellency attended after taking a break from the sewing machine on which he had been busy, battling to meet the deadline to produce Christmas dresses for 10,000 kids.

    Even that great gesture has attracted some  remonstrances. Why don’t you just pay their parents’ salaries? the critics say.

    To his opponents, he betrayed the Southwest. But that is their opinion. His excellency has seen far ahead of them all. He, months ago, launched his presidential campaign. If Southwest produces chairman, it cannot have the presidential candidate. If it does not get that, vice-president will be available. Who else fills the bill?

    Instead of hailing Fayose’s foresight, those who never see anything good in his deft political moves have been accusing him of shortchanging Ekiti delegates. What proof do they have? They said each delegate was to get $10,000, but that His Excellency claimed that an average Ekiti delegate would faint if handed such cash. He collected the Secondus largesse and gave each delegate N50,000, the tale bearers said. Trust His Excellency, he did not dignify them with a reply, let alone a defence of the puerile allegations.

    Bala Mohammed, the former Federal Capital Territory (FCT) minister, is also one of the new kingmakers. An unruly fellow said the other day that the amiable politician was the victim of a rare kind of envy that has seen him hopping in and out of courts since he left office. At a point, he was said to have lost 14 mansions to the EFCC. Besides, he filed a motion urging the court to compel the EFCC to grant him access to one of his homes to retrieve 35 “babanriga”, 15  bottles of perfume, 50 sets of leather handbags, 65 pairs of shoes and 35 boxes of clothes, among many other personal belongings.

    Mohammed is said to be eyeing Bauchi’s governorship in 2019.

    Those who thought former Benue State Governor Gabriel Torwua Suswam would be hamstrung by his many encounters with the law got it wrong. It is true that His Excellency and two others are facing a N9.7b fraud charge for which he was once detained at the Kuje Prison. It is, however, to his credit that he produced National Secretary Dr Agbo Emmanuel.

    Godswill Akpabio, the former Akwa Ibom governor, now a senator, belongs to this elite group. So are former Senate President David Mark and former Niger Governor Babangida “servant leader” Aliyu, who was once remanded for alleged N4.568 fraud and abuse of office. He is believed to have nominated Financial Secretary Abdullahi Husseini Maibasara. Former Foreign Affairs Minister Aminu Wali’s  personal assistant, Wada Masu, is Deputy National Treasurer.

    These are some of the leading lights of the new PDP, which has been threatening to return to power in 2019. Good luck to the party and its anointed ones.

     

    JAMB chief Oloyede’s example

    When Joint Admissions and Matriculation Board (JAMB) Registrar Prof Is’haq Oloyede announced that the agency had sent N5billion back to the treasury, many were shocked. Fees were not increased and standards were not lowered. How was that possible?

    Simple.  He plugged all the loopholes and reined in the fat rats that had been preying on the agency’s cash. Now, JAMB has remitted N3 billion more to the federal treasury.

    An elated (and troubled) Federal Government ordered a probe. All the former chief executives were summoned to account for their deeds in office. We are yet to get a report of that exercise.

    Why was it impossible for the old JAMB to remit such hefty sums to the treasury? Was it a sign of the impunity that sent corruption to a level beyond human comprehension? Who is looking into the books of the other agencies?

    Oloyede’s example should be commended by all. May his like multiply among us.

  • Let us stop our children perishing in Sahara and Mediterranean

    Let us stop our children perishing in Sahara and Mediterranean

    It has now become a regular occurrence for young Nigerians to be deported back home from different parts of Africa, Europe and the Americas. Some of them are part of the multitude being quartered on an island in Papua-New Guinea following refusal by Australia to allow their boats to land in their country. This uncontrolled migration of our people to near and distant countries has become an embarrassment for Nigeria and the African continent. Several Nigerians are in jail in China and many are facing capital penalties in some countries in South-east Asia and in South Asia where drug trafficking is punishable by death. I was surprised to read that Nigerians were also being deported from Iceland. What the hell is any Nigerian doing in frigid Iceland? Of course we know why this is happening. It is probably due to economic hardship at home and the breakdown of the extended family system which in the past provided a cushion against economic hardship. On top of this is the fact that our job opportunities are not expanding in tandem with the thousands if not millions streaming out of our secondary and tertiary institutions. Our educational institutions are not training people for self-employment but rather for the elusive white collar jobs in government bureaucracy and offices of commercial and financial institutions.

    Agriculture which would have provided a safety valve still employs antediluvian tools and implements our grandparents used to till the ground and expect young people to embrace the sector. These back breaking agricultural practices are no longer attractive to young people. Mechanization of agriculture seems to be one of the ways governments can help solve the problem of unemployment driving our young people to the perilous journeys across the Sahara desert and the Mediterranean Sea to Europe. While it is true that lack of opportunities at home is largely responsible for this dangerous migration and human wastage because it is well known that close to 50 percent of those who leave Nigeria reach their target countries safely, many die in the desert as a result of their unpreparedness for the harsh conditions in the desert. Others are killed by the various militant gangs roaming the open spaces not dominated by government presence. Many who reach the shores of the Mediterranean are thrown into the sea during the journey to Europe.

    What are the ages of these young people? We are told they are between 14 and 35. Some can neither read nor write. Some only have primary education while some are secondary school graduates who find it difficult to progress due to poor financial situation of their parents while others are graduates of our tertiary institutions like Advanced Teachers Colleges, polytechnics and universities. Quite a large proportion are underage teenage girls who are being trafficked into brothels in continental European countries. I personally saw young Nigerian girls lining the sides of intercity roads in one of my visits to Italy. In Paris and Rome, one is ashamed to see grown up men usually from francophone West Africa, southern Sudan and East Africa making nuisances of themselves hawking all kinds of stuff to tourists. This kind of sight is very degrading because it demeans the stature of the black man everywhere. One also finds this kind of people on the streets of New York selling all sorts of things that may be stolen goods. Nigerians have not gone this far. But I am told our people are already involved in the drug trade in places like Laos, Cambodia and Vietnam. I do not know if any of our people have been killed in the President Rodrigo Duterte-led war against drug traffickers in the Philippines.

    Recently, the bodies of 25 young girls were discovered in the Mediterranean. Their ages range between 14 and 18. They were said to have come from Nigeria and Niger republic. But I suspect they were all Nigerians. The governor of Edo State also recently welcomed home about 100 deportees from Libya. Most of them were girls who I must say are lucky to be alive. In some cases, their parents sold their houses to give to these children for their transportation to Europe for work as domestics. This is what their recruiters told them. Some of these girls after having been duped were taken to shrines to take oaths of allegiances to their Nigerian patrons. If they succeed in smuggling them to Europe, they were beholden to work for them for years before they could become free to work for themselves. If caught they were forbidden to say a word to implicate their traffickers. This is some kind of modern slavery. What I find galling is that some parents either out of ignorance or poverty collude with those taking their children into slavery. Some of the girls also go into it with their eyes wide open knowing they are being recruited into European brothels. We knew this through the wonderful work Mrs Eki Igbinedion, the wife Lucky Igbinedion erstwhile governor of Edo State did when her husband was at the helm of affairs in the state. It is a shame that she was not encouraged to continue her work of enlightenment about this problem in the state as soon as her husband left power.

    The problem of teenage girls being recruited was and is still concentrated in a few states like Edo, Delta and Anambra states. No one is sure about why. But I suspect previous participants in this odious trade return home with money without telling the truth about what they went through to get the money and others then followed them. But why these states and other states in the south-east? My guess is that some kind of western education is much deeper here than other parts of Nigeria and because of the capitalist disposition of the people there, the desire for rapid upward mobility which only money can provide drive the people to want to have money by all means.

    Migration is a feature of human society. The so called push-pull factor drives people from one place to another. The problem nowadays unlike in the past is the rising tide of racism in the western world where people of different skin colour are not welcome. Even on the continent of Africa, we treat ourselves with hostility.  Ghana and Nigeria in the late seventies and eighties expelled nationals of each other back home as economic undesirables. Xenophobia against other Africans and particularly against Nigerians is the regular phenomenon in South Africa. With advancing technology and particularly robotics, there is a growing dearth of routine jobs for nationals of countries in the western world with the result of hostility to outsiders who come to compete with locals with the few jobs available. In short, there are no jobs except highly skilled jobs in technology, engineering, the biological and physical sciences and medicine and nursing. Service industries like banking, computer sciences and accounting still offer possibility of employment for highly qualified and knowledgeable Africans. The point I want to make is that long term prognosis of the horrible unemployment situation for our youth is not very good. This is not only sad but dangerous bearing in mind that perhaps 70 percent of our population is below 30 years of age.

    We have to make our environment investment friendly and embark on industrially adding value to our agricultural produce. We must also embark on mechanized agriculture to ensure food security and surplus for export. To avoid impending explosion, we as a people must prevail on our governments to face squarely this problem by investing our national resources properly not only to take care of the present population but those coming after us. The growing criminality in our countries is a pointer to what is to come if we don’t take care of our people and prepare for an uncertain future. The rampant cases of kidnapping, armed brigandage, armed robbery and violence everywhere as if we are already a failed state are manifestation of deep seated malaise in our country. The case of Nigeria is particularly concerning in the overdependence on hydrocarbons export which the advancing technology and the concern for the environment would soon make unprofitable. We must act quickly now that there is still some room to manoeuvre to declare a national emergency on youth unemployment and attendant violence. If we tarry, it may be too late a few years from now.

  • Parable of the gecko thinking itself an alligator

    The gecko thinks if it quits the roof to live in the forest long enough, it will become an alligator. Will practice make the cat’s meow boom like a lion’s roar? Let us accord our leaders their rights to everlasting folly, Nigeria will soon be rid of them. Until then, we will get the quality of leadership that we deserve.

    I have seen all sorts of revolutionary marches and I’ve come to the conclusion that the Nigerian revolutionary is an incurable coward. It doesn’t make a darn bit of difference what his causes are. It’s worse if he’s in his youth; then he fully immerses into the backwardness he has been born, evolving quite brazenly like a barbarian, badgering onto the stage for acclaim through the trap-door.

    The conscientious and the just, the honorable, the gracious and humane; the unselfish and the quick may begin a movement but soon it slips from their grasp, turning them from leaders of the revolution into victims of the revolt. Thus their seemingly desperate inclinations to distance themselves from every revolutionary march.

    However, the Nigerian youth believes himself staggeringly capable of revolt, although he does not know how to revolt. In his desperate bid to rebel against the predatory ruling class, he propagates the contradiction of that lifestyle which cultivates sincerity and at once frustrates it. Thus the Nigerian youth remains his own greatest enemy.

    No revolution can be successful if the human elements serving as its force of change are wholly incapacitated to see to the fruitful end, the ideals of the insurrection, which brings me to the quality of youth mooting the revolt.

    Social media activists will do Nigeria great good if they could mature beyond impotent rant and activism on Facebook and Twitter. I do not despise them for having found cause to rage and rant online; I only pick issues with their lust for perpetually engaging in never ending duel with themselves and their shadows. It’s somewhat incestuous, cowardly and narcissistic.

    Twitter and Facebook warriors should never let so much luster, ‘brilliance’ and fury go to waste. Anyone could lampoon the ruling class on the over-glorified Facebook wall. But it takes courage to marry action to rhetoric.

    Revolution is never the rebellion against a pre-existing order, but the setting-up of a new order contradictory to a corrupt one. How different could an order anchored by the current crop of Nigerian youth be?

    A spectre haunts the youth. Having entered an unholy alliance with the ruling class, they do not constitute formidable opposition to keep the ruling class on its toes neither do they offer invaluable support to keep corrupt leadership on track.

    If we truly intend to make our lives fruitful, to ourselves and coming generations, we should begin to see in imagination, the things that might be, and the way in which they are to be brought into existence.

    We should stop squandering time and passion defending and lamenting unjust privileges enjoyed by the ruling class. We should aim to make the world less cruel, less full of conflict between rival greed, and more full of humane elements whose growth has not been dwarfed and stunted by oppression.

    A life lived in this spirit—the spirit that aims at creating rather than possessing—has a certain fundamental single-mindedness and purpose, of which it cannot be wholly robbed by adverse tyranny and circumstances.

    If we could summon the courage and the vision to live in this way, there will be no need for the regeneration of our fatherland into fragmentary parts by political reform or bloodbath; all that is needed in the way of reform shall come automatically, owing to the moral regeneration of youths.

    Let us begin at the grassroots. Let us begin to court neglected segments of society like the “despicable area boy,” and “irascible market woman of the sidewalk” among others.

    Let us begin to value the ‘insolence’ of the enfant terrible police officer, disgruntled teacher, directionless undergraduate, campus cultist cum political assassin, and respond to it in plan. Let us begin to value the inputs of these human integers that we have learnt to disregard.

    The evils of power in the present system are vastly greater than is necessary but they shan’t diminish by any suitable form of activism save our concerted effort to do the hackneyed in ways it has never been done before. No bloody revolution will serve our cause; the ballot remains our next best alternative as usual.

    We should represent interests of wage-earners and even of the professional classes, that are the slaves of the need for getting money. Almost all are compelled to work so hard and covet hand-downs from the predatory ruling class that they dare not aspire to that unimpeachable standard of morality that has as its main objective, freedom and attainment of the common good.

    If we could induce every Nigerian in his youth to desire his own happiness more than another’s pain; if we could be induced to work constructively for improvements which we could share with the entire world, the whole system by which our nation diminishes might be reformed root and branch within a generation.

    Let us begin to build that proverbial bulwark of citizenship whose ideal of patriotism is held untainted by wantonness, ill-bliss and temptations of power. And let our passion not be overcome by the emergence of narcissists and corruption of broadly cultured men.

    Let us begin that assemblage of writers, artists, students, lecturers, free readers, thugs, social commentators, militants and labour groups that we love to theorize.

    We should be done quoting Awolowo, Azikiwe, Bello, Voltaire, Bonaparte, Fawehinmi among others. It’s about time we stopped mocking humanity excited by men channeling peace in quilted sleep. Shall we propagate deeds that would become incense for poetry and history that elevates.

    The current political parties negate our dreams of bliss. It’s about time we created a youth movement that would understand the silences of the oppressed in order to speak them – and resolve them. The kind of youth movement that would restore to the social camp, trust and confidence.

    The Nigerian youth, sadly, presents a contradiction to the benefits of such relationship of trust.

    He is accustomed to living like a lout and a beggar. In the long run, he understands the inferiority of those who are placed over his head but when they inflict greater hurt upon him, he becomes refractory and shy and crawls into the wall when backed against it. This is hardly the way to get on in the world.

  • In the spirit of the season

    In the spirit of the season

    There are many reasons to dump what has become a worthy tradition of this column.

    The recession has receded, but many are grumbling that the pains are yet to subside. A petrol crisis seems to be here, perhaps to perpetuate what has become  an end-of-year ritual of pain. Thankfully, the authorities have assured us that the queues are artificial.

    Some oddities are fast becoming our routine and culture. Fugitive Adulrasheed Maina, seen by many as a master of braggadocio and obfuscation, claims to have facts and figures on the incredible pension heist scandal. He has refused to come before the court to clear his name. Nigerians are pushing for the disbanding of the police Special Anti-Robbery Squad for alleged brutality.

    Boko Haram remains a snake with a slashed tail – vicious in its scorched-earth tactic.

    Nevertheless, there seems to be light at the end of the tunnel. So, in the spirit of the season, here we are again with a mailing list of some compatriots who deserve gifts this Yuletide.

    President Muhammadu Buhari tops the list for obvious reasons. To the consternation of his adversaries, who had written him off for dead, he survived a major health challenge after about 90 days in Britain. He has since been working with the energy of a young man, flying here and there on official duties.

    A governor-yes; a governor – once swore that Buhari would not return alive from his medical trip. “Call me a bastard, if Buhari returns alive,” he was quoted as saying. In fact, the gentleman threatened to release six pictures of the President on his sick bed. Since Buhari’s return, those who apparently have no respect for protocol have been calling the said governor “His Excellency the bastard”. Being a gentleman and in his characteristic reticence, the governor has pretended not to have heard the invectives poured on him.

    For Buhari, I have ordered a Sequential Compression Device (SCD), a pair of therapeutic socks to be worn on his long flights to prevent blood clotting.

    Dr Goodluck Jonathan remains a jolly good fellow, his close associates claim. In the spirit of sportsmanship, they say, he has put behind him the loss of his presidency. He has, in fact, been very busy on the lecture circuit, expounding the principles of democracy and rule of law.

    His goal, the former President said the other day, is to see the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) back in power. “I will not sleep until PDP is back in power,” he was quoted by newspapers as saying.

    C’mon. You don’t need that sir. Insomnia is a serious health condition to which an ex-president should not be subjected just because his party lost an election after threatening to rule for 60 years.

    For Jonathan, I have ordered 12 packets of the herbal supplement Valerian Root, which ensures a restful night, deep sleep and calm nerves. It has no side effects.

    There seems to be no sign that the former president has started writing his memoirs, which many can hardly wait to read, particularly after he confessed that he had been caged. Who did such a wicked deed? Men? Women? How? Why? The world would like to know. I mailed to His Excellency last year Curtis Bisel’s How to write an autobiography. The secret tips to finally get started. It may have got lost in transit. Another copy will soon be on the way.

    Before feminists and Beijing belligerents descend on me for alleged bigotry, let me quickly put former First Lady Dame Patience Faka Jonathan on the list. Why not? There was no dull moment in her days at the Villa. It was full of drama, like an Indian movie. Now she is being accused of having a gargantuan appetite for money, the source of which detectives are probing.

    Her Excellency has been in and out of courts in a desperate battle to keep what she insists is part of her vast estate inherited from her loving mother – may her generous soul continue to rest in peace. All the commotion over the hefty sums in various currencies would not have happened if the money had not been hauled to the banks under various names.

    I have ordered for Mama Peace three home safes, made of the finest steel by Hamilton, which has been in the trade since 1967. These can be installed in a safe house in Otuoke. When she eventually recovers her fortune by court order, it can be moved there and kept away forever from the prying eyes of those impudent detectives.

    Former Vice-President Atiku Abubakar deserves to be listed. The Wazirin Adamawa has just dumped the All Progressives Congress (APC) for the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) of which he had been a member. He says he jumped ship because he was sidelined in the scheme of things. Besides, he is doing it for the youth, His Excellency said.

    Instead of praising his courage and endurance, some critics have been excoriating Atiku for what they call his inconsistency and desperation. When did desperation become a crime?

    Some have even turned it all into jokes on the social media. Sample: “May your life never be moving forward-backward like Atiku’s political career. This disease is called ‘Atikulation’.”

    Others said the foremost politician had been struck by a strange disease called “sokugo” that keeps its victim restless, always moving, as described by novelist Cyprian Ekwensi in Burning Grass.

    Atiku has always kept his eyes on the ball. He won’t be distracted. From me Atiku will get a copy of Marie-Henrie Beyle’s “The Red and the Black”, a novel with unmatchable insight into the knotty nature of ambition.

    Many Nigerians are still grumbling even after the government announced with relish that the economy has been saved from a crushing recession.  Finance Minister Kemi Adeosun has been tackling the challenges – and many controversies. She has visited the National Assembly several times on budget performance, ‘Mainagate’ and others. The ministry got embroiled in the brouhaha over the compensation due to the whistle -blower(s) of the Osborne Towers cash haul. Now she will have to explain how and why Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) boss Mounir Gwarzo was suspended.

    She is also going after tax dodgers, majority of them men and women of immense influence and means. Just how much more can a young woman take?

    Mrs Adeosun will get the latest version of the M2 Basic Automatic Blood Pressure Monitor, the OMRON brand.

    Garrulous Senator Dino Melaye has always made my mailing list. Belligerent and cocky, Melaye continues to amaze his friends and foes with his conduct, which his critics have traced to his days as a rent-a-crowd contractor. A source, who is close to the cousin of a senator’s uncle, has just told me that Melaye’s friends are planning to sponsor research into psychopathy by some young neurosurgeons. I wish them well.

    From me, the distinguished senator will get another pack of the herbal medication “Kalms” that aids sleep at night and keeps one calm all day. That’s what he got last year.

    With many of our governors doing wonders, it will be gross insensitivity or pure mischief to ignore them. In Ekiti, His Excellency Ayo Fayose has been busy – not on some project files or at those long nocturnal meetings on urgent matters of state. He has been working a sewing machine to its limit so as to meet up with the deadline for the delivery of clothes he has promised 10,000 kids for Christmas.

    Owelle Rochas Okorocha is yet to finish the immensely tasking job of erecting statues in honour of his heroes, an action that has delighted millions of Imo State residents. So popular was one of the early works, the one mounted in honour of South African President Jacob Zuma that it has been hilariously named “Zuma’s Erection,” or “Okorochas Erection”; take your pick.      To Governors Forum Chair Abdulaziz Abubakar Yari, the governor of Zamfara State, I intend to mail 36 copies of Rudolph Giuliani’s “Leadership”.

    My mailing list remains open, dear reader. Feel free to contact me if you notice any omission. I would be glad to correct it. Best wishes for a great season.

     

    And Okorocha marches on

    Many have accused him of being proud and wasteful. Some even say he is frivolous and hysterical. But, to his credit, none of his traducers has accused Owelle Rochas Okorocha of lacking in creativity.

    The Imo State governor keeps surprising everyone. After riding the storm generated by Zuma’s statue, His Excellency is facing an uproar over the appointment of  a Commissioner for Happiness and Purpose Fulfillment.

    The appointee, the governor’s sister, has been fighting back.  “If you don’t understand something,” she has advised the critics, “keep quiet.” Read and research. Make good use of your sense.”

    Even before Mrs Ogechi Ololo settles down in office, a source has said, a large army of Nigerians are getting set for Imo in search of – what else? – happiness and fulfillment. Rejoice all Imo citizens; “The great march to the land of happiness and fulfillment” has begun.

    To shame those accusing him of nepotism, Okorocha, according to a Government House source, will soon make more of such prestigious  appointments. On the list is Commissioner for Enjoyment and Entertainment (E.E.). The lucky appointee, most likely the governor’s brother (for gender sensitivity), will ensure, among other urgent duties, that all the Isiewu and palm wine shacks are streamlined, serving the same good quality of the popular delicacy.