The Nation Newspaper

Category: Hardball

  • The great bond bazaar?

    It must feel rather obtuse for Hardball to go into the arcane terrain of high finance and securities on the back page of a newspaper. That may be true but trouble not; a bond is just a fancy word for debt; it is a written obligation to pay a sum on a due date. It is a paper; a contract note also called security issued by a government or a company when it borrows money. Bond is a certificate that is issued a creditor when money is borrowed. If you still don’t get it, let us illustrate further: when a company issues bond, it is simply borrowing money from those holding the bond.

    And Hardball is drawn to this rather ‘unromantic’ topic when it was revealed recently that 19 firms have issued bond worth about N225 billion in Nigeria in the last eight years. In other word, these 19 Nigerian companies have borrowed the above sum from the (bond) market. Noteworthy is that these companies have borrowed from both the local and foreign markets. Mr. Abraham Nwankwo, director-general of the Debt Management Office (DMO), who revealed this was actually elated that for the first time in Nigeria’s history, the private sector had been able to access long-term funds from both the domestic and foreign capital markets.

    But there lies our point of divergence: Hardball is not as enthusiastic as Mr. Nwankwo on this matter. Yes, it is good to secure long-term loans at low interest rates. This of course is the best recipe for rapid growth and development in a country. But that only applies to countries populated by decent people who are patriotic and care if their country is developed. But Hardball, being wise to the fact that loans in Nigeria are often diverted to personal pockets or deployed to everything else but what they were meant for, cannot help but be skeptical and indeed upbraid Mr. Nwankwo to get sober lest he be celebrating a phantom.

    A good example to learn from is the state governments (read governors) who have found in the capital market, a honey pot for scooping cheap money. It is a known fact that most states have issued bonds for specific projects which were never executed. The funds end up in the pockets of politicians. Thus instead of bond issue helping a state grow it ends up putting them in bondage. Back to the 19 firms, it seems like a bazaar as some as notable on the list are firms that had been run aground and are mere shells because of fraudulent managers and yet some that had been long embroiled in serious graft issues. For instance, the Federal Mortgage Bank of Nigeria, whose current status is hoary and is never known to give account, is recorded to have carted away N30.56 billion.

    Hardball wagers that Nwankwo knows all about this yet he is so happy that Nigerian firms have been enabled to raise cheap funds. Funds for what: to mismanage; to fritter away and even embezzle? What does Nwankwo have to say about the monitoring and regulatory environment? Why is it that nobody seems to care whether the funds are deployed for the purposes they were borrowed? For some of these companies, money was never their problem but poor management. Is this a bazaar of sort?

     

     

  • Ade in wonderland

    The Honorable Minister of Agriculture and Rural Development (MARD), Dr. Akinwunmi Adesina, is fast earning the distinction of Hardball’s favourite public official. Dapper, impeccable dresser and brilliant of speech, his elocution is like a rapid action revolver, meaning that the right words are always at his fingertips – or triggertip if you like. Plus his statistics too – in fact, figures are the palm oil with which Monsieur Adesina eats his words, so to speak. And he relishes every word that proceeds out of his mouth and you, his listener, may be carried away enough to dance to the cadences of his wonderful voice.

    It must be the hallmark of technocracy (which Adesina exemplifies) that they must crunch number, speak with statistics to retain their techie mystique. That is okay except that Hardball often finds his figures spurious. The latest in his now fine art of number-bandying is the claim that Nigeria’s food import has dropped by N400 billion since 2009. This is far from the truth and it rankles.

    The minister spoke last Monday at the inauguration of a 100,000 metric-tonne silos complex in Abuja. Let’s here him (and hear also, Hardball’s take as italicised in brackets): “Today marks another milestone in the drive and journey of Nigeria to modernise its agricultural sector (oh yea, whatever happened to previous silos installed across the country?). There is no doubt that agriculture is growing rapidly in Nigeria (hmn, where exactly in Nigeria sir?). Private sector investments in agriculture are expanding (this may be true but not exactly your making).”

    “All across the nation, smallholder farmers are witnessing a refreshing new dawn (haba oga, ride us slowly now, you are not talking to Americans!). Our food import bill has declined from N1.1 trillion in 2009 to N684.7 billion by December, 2013 and continues to decline in 2014 (Oga this is not possible. What have we done right?).”

    Then he noted quite contradictorily that despite the gains, there were still challenges and one of such was, “low level of mechanisation of the agriculture sector…The number of tractors per 100 square kilometers in Nigeria is less than 10, compared to over 728 in the United Kingdom; 257 in the USA; 200 in India; 130 in Brazil and 125 in the Philippines.”

    How could Nigeria have achieved about 40 per cent reduction in food import under Adesina’s tenure if, as he admits, a country of our size still lacks such basic large scale farming implements as tractors? Hardball can testify that it is neigh impossible to find motorised equipment to clear or till large scale farmlands. In fact, mechanised commercial farms are still a rarity in the land.

    President Goodluck Jonathan must have been so moved recently by the joke we call agriculture in Nigeria to practically order the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) to set aside N50 billion to catalyse mechanised farming in Nigeria.

    The fact is that not much has changed in the sector. We are still embroiled in hoe-and-cutlass subsistent farming; government has failed to create the right environment; huge agric funds are still diverted and nearly half of our meager harvests go to waste. That is Nigeria’s agric story; never mind what our minister say, he must be in a wonderland.

  • Who will show the way?

    What exactly does it mean to say that a country’s citizens do not know where they are going, or that the country itself does not know where it is going?  The August 24 visit by a delegation of the Nigerian Market/ Traders’ Council to a former president of the country, Olusegun Obasanjo,   was a time not only to consider the country’s trajectory but also to contemplate the puzzles?   Indeed, the group’s mission to Obasanjo’s home in Abeokuta, Ogun State, was to seek answers to its apparent confusion about the country’s course, particularly in view of the approaching 2015 general elections, the evident heightening of centrifugal tensions and the threat of apocalypse.

    The weight of the delegation reflected the importance attached to its objective. The  150-person team, led by the council’s National President, Yeye Osho, had representatives from  the country’s 36 states, including the Iyalode of Yorubaland, Chief Alaba Lawson. Obasanjo was quoted as saying: “As for me, we don’t know where we are going yet; may God show us the way, the way that will make this country a great country.” He added: “If I see the way, I will tell you. I pray that God will show me the way; may God show you the way.”

    Disturbingly, Obasanjo likened the state of the nation today to the notoriously despotic era of the late Gen. Sani Abacha who was the country’s military head of state from 1993 to 1998. In case he was unaware of the import, such a negative comparison actually implied the failure of Obasanjo’s party, the ruling Peoples Democratic Party (PDP). Or was such implication his intention?  In other words, it could be that Obasanjo consciously suggested that the President Goodluck Jonathan administration was the worst in the country’s history, given that Abacha’s regime allegedly held the odious distinction before now.

    Possibly to reinforce the idea, Obasanjo said: “Tough times do not last forever. When tough times come, tough people get going. We will keep going and we will survive this tough time.” Could this be a not-so-veiled statement indicating his position on Jonathan’s suspected interest in re-election? What did he mean by “tough people get going”? Did he mean that Jonathan should be rejected?  These interpretations may not be far-fetched, considering the wall between the two men despite Obasanjo’s well-known role in Jonathan’s rise to the presidency.

    Also worthy of contemplation, Obasanjo said: “We all have contributions to make and should not leave our responsibility to others. If we fail to participate in things that are meaningfully positive for this country, you will be a victim and we all become victims.”   Was this a case of seizing the moment to try to say something to his party, or to the electorate?

     Whether Yeye Osho and her team understood Obasanjo’s comments superficially or essentially, they at least provided him with an opportunity to express his thoughts on the country’s worrying situation. Yeye Osho said the purpose of their visit was “to find out which direction we are going.” Obasanjo said he didn’t know, and asked for divine intervention, which is sheer mystification. Isn’t it clear that the country is going in an unconstructive direction, and urgently needs the intervention of the people

  • Untransformed fakers

    When salesmanship dovetails with sycophancy in the political arena, the result can be perfectly perplexing as well as revealing. The Goodluck-Jonathan-for-second-term campaign, which is unofficial because the Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) has not formally blown the whistle for electioneering, is an intriguing study in how far unreasoning partisanship can influence individuals in the pursuit of power. It is easy to imagine that President Jonathan must be enjoying the grandiose performances of his doting backers, even though he continues to feign unawareness and keeps playing a remarkable game of calculated suspense concerning his interest in the 2015 presidential election.

    Expectedly, the August 23 Southwest rally organised by the Transformation Ambassadors of Nigeria (TAN) in Ibadan, Oyo State, did not fall short of the standard set at the August 16 Southeast version in Awka, Anambra State. It unmistakably promoted the expressed purpose of the obsessive non-governmental organisation, which is “the continuation of transformation by President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan (GEJ).”

    It is interesting that the group reportedly claimed to have succeeded in collecting 1.8 million signatures of prominent Nigerians in the Southwest geo-political zone who would prefer Jonathan’s re-election next year to any other possibility. Not surprisingly, the voices that were heard at the event spoke about Jonathan and his administration in fantastic terms. The Chief of Staff to the President, Brig-Gen (rtd) Jones Arogbofa, said: “You are a performing and transforming president and the people of the Southwest are calling on you to be president again.”

    Women were not left out of the monkey business. The Minister of State, Federal Capital Territory, Olajumoke Akinjide, said: “I mobilised over 25,000 people to this event, in spite of the short notice, to join me in appreciating a man of honour, performer and transformer.” A former governor of Oyo State, Adebayo Alao-Akala, was quoted as saying: “It is logical that if we want to see laudable ideas develop, he deserves our support. No doubt, he has displayed good leadership qualities.”

    However, the gold medal and ultimate trophy for scandalous hyperbole must go to a familiar Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) loyalist. A report said: “In his words, a leader of the party in Lagos State, Olabode George, described Jonathan as a rare leader whose transformation agenda would take Nigeria to a higher level compared to what was obtainable in the advanced countries of the world.” Did George say “higher level”? Surely, that must be a reflection of his lack of high thinking?

    Perhaps there are even more nauseating promotional days ahead as the TAN train moves to the South-south on August 30, North-central on September 9, Northeast on September 20 and Northwest on September 27. Of course, the climax in the federal capital, Abuja, on September 30 promises to be a demonstration of climactic propaganda.

    There is no question about the right of the group and its supporters to push their agenda, even if their activities are informed by an uncivilised understanding of transformational government. It would appear that the self-acclaimed agents of transformation themselves are in dire need of transformative values. The Jonathan administration, if anything, has earned a deserved place in history as a government that focused on the buzzword, “transformation”, without positively transforming the polity.

     

     

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  • On the grave of Biafra

    As anyone perchance feeding on the grave of ex-Biafran soldiers? In a clime where nothing is sacrosanct anymore, would some morbid fellows in government exhume the better-forgotten Biafran debacle and profit by it? Hardball fears so. Why? The Nigerian civil war, also known as the Biafran war, ended about 44 years ago with the war generation aging and passing away, while some scars of battle remain visible and in some cases unhealed. Many compatriots from the Biafran side still feel hard done that as not much reconstruction and rehabilitation have been achieved over these years.

    In fact, most must have moved on with their lives, knowing that Nigeria is a wayward entity where government is apt to provoke its citizenry to strive and contestation. Explains why government keep poking stick in the eye of the Biafran wound. If it refused to attend to the wound, dress it and in fact find out the anatomy of the wound, why rake it up after more than four decades? Yes, the recent story that the federal government is paying pension to ex-Biafran soldiers reads like a hoax.

    According to the report, government has started paying pension to soldiers of the Nigerian Army who fought on the side of the secessionist Biafran army during the Nigerian civil war of 1967 to 1970. The freshly appointed chairman of the Military Pension Board (MPB), Air Commodore Mohammed Dabo, told his visiting boss, Musiliu Obanikoro, who is the minister of state for Defence, that the MPB had enrolled 160 ex-Biafran soldiers for the payment of monthly pensions.

    Strange things happen daily in Nigeria and desperate things stranger than fiction would happen when big elections are nigh. This scheme seems so strange even a rat would smell a rat. Now the civil war ended 44 years ago; no one remembered the ex-Biafran soldiers till the year 2000 when the government of the day deigned to have pardoned the soldiers. But between then and now, nothing was heard of the hapless soldiers anymore. Then out of the blue, a very ‘magnanimous’ Goodluck Jonathan administration is suddenly paying pensions to some unknown and forgotten soldiers?

    Hardball would wager that the Nigeria Army does not have proper data of its current soldiers, not to speak of those who fought in the civil war in what must be like dark ages now. A few weeks ago, Nigeria Army retirees protested in Kano, Ibadan, Taraba and Abuja over 39 months of an unpaid 20 per cent of their pension. The protest was carried out under the aegis of the Retired Army, Navy and Airforce Officers’ Association. They had protested to the president in 2013, who promised to see that their outstanding was captured in the budget of 2014. Now the year is more than half way gone yet, nobody cares. As you read this, those soldiers are still being owed.

    Nothing can be fishier than this ex-Biafran soldiers’ pension story. It would be nice to see the remnants of the Biafrans. It would be salutary to publish their names, addresses, local government areas, hometowns and states of origin. It would be wonderful if MPB could give Nigerians more information, including the sum paid to these ex-soldiers so far. This is the only way to prove that some soulless people are not feeding on dead Biafran soldiers.

     

  • Like John the Baptist wailing in the Nigerian wilderness

    Hardball is weary, he is sore, he is hoarse and he feels like the Biblical John the Baptist wailing in the wilderness. Like in those Herodic days, the more one wails, the more hardy and unyielding the tormentors get. They revel, they wine, they dine and embark on binges of spurious seminars and conferences. They do everything but the proper things. Their every action is a mockery of the preacher, making him seem like one suffering dementia. Is the preacher losing his mind or have our leaders completely lost their souls?

    Is Hardball merely crying wolf or is Nigeria rapidly failing? This question was stirred by a recent report in a national daily, which says that churches and worship centres flourish in abandoned industrial estates. We all know that our industries and, indeed, the entire manufacturing sector of our economy have been in rapid decline since crude oil assumed pre-eminence here in the late 70s. We knew that the fact of our decayed and unsustainable infrastructure system will not allow any meaningful growth and development of our real sector.

    Lately, we have seen long-established multinational brands like Dunlop and Coca-Cola close shop entirely or scale down their operations in Nigeria; preferring our neighbours – Ghana and Togo. We have seen well known conglomerates wobble for a long time and eventually succumb to Nigeria’s morbid environment. We have seen medium to large scale FMCG manufacturers go to dust just because our leaders do not care. Companies like Komatsu, Crittal Hope, Suzuki, Tate and Lyle, BEWAC, BEREC, to name just a few, have all gone with the unrelenting Nigerian ill-wind.

    Yes we also knew that throughout the 90s, warehouses and some failed factory premises were acquired by the new wave Pentecostal churches. The sprawling expanse of Chris Okoties’s Household of God in Ikeja, Lagos, for instance, rose from the ruins of some brick factory. The same fate befell industrial estates in Iganmu; Ilupeju; Apapa-Oshodi Expressway and so on.

    If you thought that the act of churches and worship centres gobbling up factories and industrial complexes was a passing fad, you may wish to visit Oregun which is Lagos’ and perhaps Nigeria’s pre-eminent industrial cluster. Well laid out, purpose-built and the dream of large multinational firms, Oregun Industrial Estate was once the pride of Lagos State and, indeed, Nigeria – but not any more. According to a report, most parts of the Oregun Industrial Estate may have been acquired by a Christian Centre which is headquartered there. “The Church, it was learnt, has acquired the premises of many defunct companies in its vicinity.”

    Well for the faithful, it may well be the Word at work; prayers answered and promises fulfilled. Jabez prayed that the Lord may bless him exceedingly and expand his coast. And King David the Psalmist, writing in verse one of his 24th installment, notes that “The earth is the Lord’s and its fullness.” Well, when church overcomes an entire industrial estate, it may well betoken that the Word is spreading. But by the same token, when hundreds of thousands turn out for a job interview as if they have come to watch a world cup final and dozens die in the ensuing stampede, does that betoken that the country is failing?

  • Gender-unfriendly thinking

    Unsurprisingly, the alarming female suicide bombings that shook Kano State in a chain of violence generated by the Islamist guerilla force Boko Haram prompted a response from the police.

    However, beyond a physical operational reaction, it was interesting that Frank Mba, an assistant commissioner of police and the force public relations officer, considered the incidents grave enough to reflect on the phenomenon of female suicide bombers in a seemingly intellectual way.

    He resorted to an essayistic medium in exploring the development, with a view to selling his wisdom on a possible solution to the apparently novel approach to terrorism in the country.

    Mba’s article, publicised by newspapers, was titled “Female suicide bombers: Dealing with the emerging trend”; it included two important subtitles, specifically, “Why terrorist groups use female suicide bombers” and “Preventing female suicide bombers from carrying out attack”. It is instructive that he provided a background to his focus on the issue.

    He said: “This new trend in Nigeria started in Gombe State where a yet-to-be-identified middle-aged woman wrapped an explosive round her body and headed towards the Quarter Guard of the 301 Nigerian Army base in Gombe. While she was being stopped for a search, the bomb suddenly went off.”

    Mba continued: “In a similar vein, four unidentified female suicide attackers heavily strapped with EIDs have, at different locations, different days but almost same week of the month of July, 2014, blown themselves up while the security personnel on duty were trying to stop them from accessing their target areas in Kano State.”

    In trying to identify the reasons for the terrorists’ employment of females for suicide bombing missions, Mba made what should pass for a narrow-minded analysis, not to say chauvinistic comments. It is possible that he was not aware of the implications of his view, but that is no excuse. He said: “In addition, it is also easier for women to be indoctrinated, especially when they are intellectually immature, uneducated and perhaps from very poor and deprived backgrounds.”

    The questions for Mba: What about men who are “intellectually immature, uneducated and perhaps from very poor and deprived backgrounds?” Or are there no such men?  The point is that it would also be “easier” for such men, if they exist, and they do, to be “indoctrinated”.

    Indeed, it amounted to a curious understanding of human capacity to be so limiting on the basis of gender. It would be interesting to know more about Mba’s attitude towards women, in the light of his obviously skewed presentation. Intriguingly, one of his solutions was: “Conscious of the fact that ignorance and poverty provide fertile grounds for radicalisation, it is important that governments at all levels should develop and implement holistic measures aimed at preventing the radicalisation of our young girls through massive education and empowerment programmes.”

    There was a significant omission in his recommendation that cannot be excused. If “ignorance and poverty provide fertile grounds for radicalisation”, then it cannot be a female affair only.

    Men are equally vulnerable in the face of ignorance and poverty; and any enduring answer to the terror problem ought to address these identified enabling factors beyond the restricting context of gender. Is Mba guilty of “intellectual laziness”?

  • NIS: A 50th birthday mis-adventure

    Hardball takes off here from a premise that this treatise is not exactly about NIS (Nigeria Immigration Service) but about our country, her institutions and the seamy cauldron in which we are all simmering. But this piece has been triggered by NIS’s belated 50th anniversary celebration for which it chose the platform of The Economist of London. Readers of the current edition of this elite British weekly journal were assailed by a three-page advertising feature, tagged: Nigeria Immigration Service: 50 Years of Excellence.

    Nothing wrong in a Nigerian government agency celebrating itself wherever and however it desired, just that if you are a perceptive reader like Hardball, you are bound to be wonder-struck when you come across NIS’s rather scatter-brained celebration in a foreign journal. Notwithstanding the heavy advert premium The Economist people would have charged, one wagers they would still rue the drabness the NIS copy brought to bear on their pristine weekly.

    Questions chase after even more questions in this NIS’s wonky outing. First, if NIS took its reckoning from 1963 when it was formally established by an Act of Parliament, then that makes it 51 years today’ not 50. Second, why would NIS choose a rarefied foreign journal, which is not widely circulating, to showcase itself? Third, why would NIS showcase its 50 years of inertia in such a slap-stick advertising feature? It is either that NIS is narcissistic and seeks to self-destruct or it cannot tell the difference between a good copy and a rubbish one.

    And the more germane poser is: what is the purpose of this ‘international outing’ which diminishes the Service? One would think that the NIS would first define its objectives then find professionals to realise them. But it is not only shocking that the NIS wasted three pages in The Economist saying nothing, but the feature portrayed the Service and by extension, Nigeria, as unserious and extremely awkward, if not backward.

    The feature could have been an unedited interview with the comptroller-general of NIS. The first paragraph reads thus: “It may be customary to hold an anniversary at the start of a 50th anniversary year, but Nigeria’s Immigration Service (NIS) is celebrating at the end of their 50th year as the work carried out during the last 12 months has brought it many rewards and gives it much to celebrate. It is hoped that the conference to celebrate the end of 50 years will become an annual event with accolades each year.” Phew!

    It is obvious that the NIS hasn’t much to report after 50 years of existence. But even those three pages of baloney could have been better articulated and better presented in a manner that it would not overly assault the sensibilities of the world. The advert is untargeted, rambling and aesthetically bland. If it was not an afterthought, it must have been an ad-hoc proposition.

    As noted above, this art of the slap-dash, the unpremeditated and un-reflecting attitude have become the hallmark of Nigeria’s public service and institutions. It is either we do not know the right way to do things anymore or we deliberately choose the path of infamy. The NIS job recruitment debacle of March 15 is still fresh and unresolved; now this.

     

  • What is Jonathan waiting for?

    With the formal launch of its series of rallies in support of President Goodluck Jonathan, intended to prompt him to seek re-election in 2015, the non-governmental organisation called Transformation Ambassadors of Nigeria (TAN) has further lifted the veil that had hitherto helped to conceal Jonathan’s ambition, even though his dream had never really been hidden. Of course, TAN’s August 16 campaign in Awka, Anambra State, which was revealingly tagged “Nigerians Demand” and was targeted at the Southeast, could not have been speaking for Nigerians as was suggested. But the incorrect and misleading sign-post could be excused because such is the way of politically-motivated communication, especially when those behind it are swimming against the current.

    By the time the group’s next rally aimed at the Southwest comes up in Ibadan on August 23, followed by the Southsouth edition on August 30, only the stubbornly naïve would still believe that  TAN is not externalising  what is perhaps Jonathan’s  deepest desire, which is to remain in power at least for another four years.  Other rallies are scheduled as follows: North-central, September 9 in Minna; Northeast, September 20 in Gombe; and Northwest, September 27 in Kano.

    For the avoidance of doubt, TAN’s expressed objective is “the continuation of transformation by President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan (GEJ).”  In its view, Jonathan’s “sterling human qualities, democratic credentials and landmark accomplishments” are “currently under-marketed and under-advertised”; and this has “given rise to the persistent false narrative about his leadership standing, and a myth that TAN has set out to deconstruct for Nigerians and the international community to know the truth and live by it”.

    Interestingly, TAN’s moves coincide with a thought-provoking action by the presidency, which has inaugurated an 11-member committee to coordinate the seemingly innumerable opportunistic groups backing Jonathan for re-election. The President’s Political Adviser, Prof. Rufai Alkali, who introduced the team, said: “As 2015 approaches, we note that the circumstances and fundamentals facing us are somewhat different. The opposition is different; the political landscape is different; the players are different and the issues are different.”

    Alkali continued: “To address these issues, the reorganisation of the Goodluck Support Group (GSG) has become imperative. I have, therefore, decided to set up a special GSG reorganisation committee to study all issues concerning the organisation and propose a reorganisation structure that will allow us position for 2015.” The screening and evaluation of the various Jonathan support groups for accommodation under the GSG umbrella, he said, will be carried out in the six zonal centres set up by his office.

    Considering the scale of the preparation indicated by these developments, it is both puzzling and laughable that the character whose interest is being promoted by these activities continues to pretend that he may not be interested in a second term as president after all. In the light of all that is visible, Jonathan’s attitude is nothing short of self-deception, if he thinks that the people are in the dark.

    There is a certain reptilian sneakiness to his conduct in respect of whether he intends to run for president in next year’s general elections. What is he waiting for, particularly given all the signs that continue to betray his aspiration?

  • Marilyn! Marinating the DSS

    Hardball cannot tell when the SSS transited to DSS. More intriguingly, he cannot determine if the change of name has brought about its seeming change of character but there must be some correlation. Now some perspective to the proposition: in those days not quite long ago, when SSS meant State Security Service (or secret service), it was an elite corps, a formidable and, sometimes, forbidding national intelligence service whose mere name evoked awe and trepidation.

    To point out someone as being an SSS man (or woman) immediately marked him out as someone extraordinary, if not superhuman, who knew so much more than any other. And there was no art to tell him apart unless some other knowing person revealed his identity. It was a great cult that could claim the three O’s (omnipresent, omnipotent and omniscient), except that they too also used the small room!

    They were always dressed in suits under which their small pistols were well concealed. Men of the service were always quiet and sober, if not cold and menacing. They were self-effacing and not easily identifiable. They seemed highly trained to be most efficient with their hands and their minds; seeing without being seen, observing without being observed and forever gathering and analysing information. It seemed a most sacred duty; they were like the mystic third eye that never blinks while watching over the empire.

    Not anymore. Today, the corps has quietly transmuted to what is now known as DSS: Department of State Security. Maybe to take after the US but what’s in a name? What seems to tingle is that they have also taken on a fresh attitude. They have become brusquer, as if trying to be a combatant force; as if fighting for space, for survival among the assortment of Nigeria’s regimented forces. They first started by wearing lapel badges, a quiet, distant identification. Then they began to don that plebeian vest (the type the Lord’s Chosen sect are wont to wearing) with DSS emblazoned on it. But the message they really send is: beware! DSS, the superior force is here. They seem to corroborate this with the fat, fearsome rifles they bear.

    Hardball must fess up that they actually look really menacing, if that is the impression they sought to make. But they have even gone one up. According to Ms Marilyn Ogar, the service’s spokeswoman (now they have a highly visible (and beautiful) face too), operatives now dress up in military camouflage with hood to boot as we witnessed in Osun during the recent election.

    Ms Ogar explained that the hood was necessary because the highly sensitive duty for fatherland required it. Oh what a piteous state we have found ourselves now! Madam seems to have it all mixed up or marinated if you love kitchen metaphors. She had so much motherly words for some nameless politicians who weep because her operatives could not be bribed! Oh dear, what a calamity. So much to say, but let’s just sum it up that this DSS has been so marinated in the delicious sauce of politics and the presidency, we may have lost our secret service. Any wonder the Boko Haram rascals cannot be sniffed out of their holes?