The Nation Newspaper

Category: Olukorede Yishau

Olatunji Dare at 80

About six years ago, Dr Olatunji Dare wrote one of his powerful satiric interventions. A friend was the first to alert me to a publication in The Nation which confirmed that Nigeria was about to be sold. She said Winners Chapel founder Dr. David Oyedepo got his church praying hard against the recolonisation of Nigeria. His evidence of the planned recolonisation is a satiric piece by Dr Dare. My friend was worried and wanted details. Though I did not understand what she was saying, I assured her it was not possible. Coming from Dr. Oyedepo, she found it difficult to believe it could be a false alarm. That is the kind of power religious leaders wield, which must not be abused lest the people are led astray.

It became clear to me the following day that she was referring to Dr. Dare’s short piece titled ‘Buhari’s double’. My heart broke when I watched the video and saw that Bishop Oyedepo genuinely did not know that Dr. Dare had written a satire. He believed Dr. Dare, whom he referred to as ‘one Olatunji Dare’, was being authoritative. I wept! How on earth would the Bishop not know Dr. Dare and his reputation as one of the greatest satirists alive? Younger writers like me learnt from Dr. Dare and luckily have one or two laurels to show for writing good satires.

You need to watch the video to understand my dilemma. And sad for me was the fact that Bishop Oyedepo got the people praying fervently over a non-existent problem. The things we do in the name of our Father! The piece in reference has clear signs that it was meant to be a joke on people trading the rumour that Muhammadu Buhari died in 2017 in a London hospital and that a clone, a Jubril from Sudan, was foisted on us as president. But Dr. Oyedepo got hooked by Dr. Dare’s usage of the word ‘authoritative’ and since the Federal Government had not reacted to the ‘allegations’ in Dare’s piece days after, divine intervention was needed.

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I remember this show of shame as Dr Dare turned 80 and I decided that to celebrate this man of no mean repute, I would rework a piece I did after the incident titled “A satirist’s burden”.

In Dr. Dare’s wonderful satire that Bishop Oyedepo misinterpreted, he left clear signs that should have prevented the outcome. Here are the signs: “The Jubril family, having discovered the gigantic swindle, suddenly showed up in Abuja the other day and demanded to be compensated with a power-sharing arrangement at the federal level in perpetuity, plus 50 percent of Nigeria’s oil revenues for ten years in the first instance” and “the Nigerian authorities have entered into frantic negotiations with Jubril’s family to head off what is sure to earn a double entry in the Guinness Book of Records as the world’s Dirtiest and Worst-kept Secret. The UK authorities are mediating.” These sentences should engender posers, such as: If the Queen knew Buhari was dead and had sent condolence message, is it possible for the death to be hidden? Can the UK meditate in such nonsense? Is it possible for a family from outside of Nigeria to be compensated with power in perpetuity? Won’t a new government break the deal even if the current government agree to it? Once you can answer these questions logically, it is not difficult to discern the piece as a satiric one.

The burden of satirists (of whom Dr. Dare is a legend) is really huge in a nation where many are ignorant of this mesmerising literary tool. The other day a comedian, Dee One, did a skit and said the government deserved applause for irregular supply of electricity. He said the people were being taught time management. He was pounced on when the girl was just being sarcastic. The satirist in him incurred the wrath of those ignorant of this time-tested literary skill.

I once did a satiric piece about ace comedian Julius Agwu, who, at a time, indicated interest in running for the governorship of Rivers State.

Permit me to quote from the piece titled ‘Julius Agwu for governor’: “Let’s get this straight from the beginning. The man I write about is Julius ‘the genius’ Agwu. The same Julius Agwu you have probably attended his Crack Ya Ribs comedy shows or seen his comedy VCDs, which sell for as cheap as N100. You can even get the VCD for N70 at Alaba International Market on the outskirts of Lagos.

“After conquering the comedy world, it is time to move on. And what else is there to move on to other than politics? It took a lot of begging from his people for Agwu to finally take the bait. They pleaded and pleaded and sent delegations upon delegations before he deemed it right to join the crowded race for Rivers governor. The knee caps of some of the women involved in the begging almost peeled on the floor of his mansion before he decided to serve his people and help continue the legacy of his brother, Rotimi Amaechi.

“With Agwu as governor, the state will also be saving a lot of money. Never again will the state spend any kobo on any Master of Ceremonies (MC). Governor Agwu will play this role. All he needs do is to dash from the high table to the microphone stand as the need arises. The era of the state wasting money on stand-up comedians will also be gone. Agwu will also dish out comedy free of charge at government functions. And in case the state decides to go into film-making, Agwu’s training as a Theatre Artist will come into play. He will act, produce and direct at no cost to the state. He will also be able to get his colleagues to work on the production at a reduced rate. Since he can also sing, there will be no need to pay for the soundtrack. He will simply head for the studio and produce the soundtrack.”

After the publication of that piece, I got a mail from a reader who considered my reasons for canvassing support for Agwu as ‘puerile’. On a second thought, he asked: “Or are you joking?” I laughed and replied him: “Everything, from the beginning to the end, is a joke.” He apologised. The evidence of satire was all over the piece and there should be no reason for confusion. But that is the burden Dr Dare and his foot soldiers like me have had to deal with and are still dealing with and it is worse in this era when many don’t read beyond headlines and quotes.

My final take: Though President Bola Tinubu has congratulated Dr Olatunji Dare, I think he deserves more. As a journalist and scholar of inestimable value, he is an institution and he should be treated as one.

Happy birthday, Sir!

July 19, 2024
Makers of modern America

Ford. Rockefeller. Carnegie. JP Morgan. These are names that remain institutions in America and elsewhere, pioneers who had neither inkling nor a knowing in their bodies that their acts would change America and the world forever.

We know of Ford automobiles and Ford Foundation, which has educated and still educating scores of Nigerians in American institutions. We know of the Rockefeller Foundation, the one that is doing wonderful things for humanity. We know of many a library all over America that wouldn’t be without the institution called Carnegie. And we certainly know of Chase Bank and General Electric, two institutions that wouldn’t have been without JP Morgan.

The Ford that we hear of today was the surname of a man named Henry, who broke into the automobile industry in America and began mass production of cars. His adventure was met with stiff opposition from the umbrella body of auto manufacturers in America, a body of men who knew nothing about mass production of cars, men whose cars were beyond the reach of the masses, men who were in business to cater for the needs of the affluent and nothing more. They sought to frustrate Ford and he chose to fight and to the court he dragged them and he beat them to their game and opened the gate for mass production of cheap cars and better pay for auto workers.

At the time Ford won this battle, an older man, John D Rockefeller, lost the battle for the control of the oil industry in America. He first ran from the battle by evading being served court summons. He eventually chose to face it and defend Standard Oil, a company whose control of the kerosene business made him billionaire in the early 1900s. Chevron and ExxonMobil are two of what used to be Standard Oil. His efforts at defending this monopoly crashed with a resounding thud.

Rockefeller didn’t just lose that battle, he also lost his quest to frustrate the bid to electrify America. He wanted everyone to still be using kerosine to battle darkness at night. But, a rival, JP Morgan, saw electricity as the future of the world and bought into a company founded by Thomas Edison, a scientist who designed Direct Current. His home in New York was the first private residence to have electricity and his father laughed at him for installing something meant for festivals in his home. With time more homes bought into the vision and electricity began to spread and soon it was time for electricity to go national in America. The Niagara electricity project was to be awarded to make the whole of America have access to electricity and Morgan wanted the contract.

Ordinarily, it should have been easy for a company he co-owned, Edison General Electric, to clinch the contract. But before this contract was announced, an employee of the company named Nikola Tesla designed an alternative power source known as Alternative Current. Edison wrote off the design, which he felt was unsafe. Tesla resigned and against all odds got an investor for his new design and his design became a competitor in the Niagara contract. Morgan wasn’t amused and tried to muzzle them out. To save his invention, Tesla renounced his claim to any huge money for the patent and more investors came into the company to shore up its capital base. And when the winner was announced, it went against Morgan.

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Morgan, a major force in America’s stock exchange, threatened the winner with a law suit over patent. He wasn’t sure of winning but he knew the company had no war chest for court battle. The winner bowed to him and he got the deal. He removed Edison’s name from the company and executed the contract and became bigger. His General Electric adopted Tesla’s Alternative Current in place of Edison’s Direct Current and till this day, Alternative Current thrives.

In July 2003, Martin Eberhard and Marc Tarpenning incorporated Tesla Motors, a tribute to the inventor and electrical engineer behind Alternative Current. In February 2004, billionaire Elon Musk joined as the company’s largest shareholder.

Andrew Carnegie, on his part, was in charge of the steel industry and it was his enterprise that revolutionised buildings in America and helped to build multistoried structures around the country.

Of the four of them, Ford, was the youngest and operated at a time when their own stranglehold on America was beginning to ebb. At a point, Rockefeller, Carnegie and Morgan teamed up in “buying the White House” by sponsorship of a Republican candidate to defeat a Democratic Party candidate who promised to checkmate their hold on the American economy. So huge was this influence that Morgan was borrowing his country money to bail it out of financial trouble. In the second term of the president they installed, tragedy struck when an aggrieved worker shot and killed the president, the third time an American president was killed. His deputy was installed and thus began the loss of their stranglehold on America.

Of all of the trio who ‘bought’ the White House, Morgan was the first to die. After his death, Carnegie and Rockefeller started giving out a chunk of their wealth. While Carnegie was building libraries across the country, Rockefeller started a foundation that was helping humanity. He outlived Carnegie and was able to give out more and he even put in place machinery for the giving to continue after him.

The tales I have just recounted here are in a docu-series titled “The Men Who Built America”. It’s an interesting take on where America was and where these men and others were able to take it to the enviable position of the number one in global relevance. The series is frank. It gives credit where deserving and points out flaws of these makers of modern America whose exploits began after the Civil War.

From the docu-series, we see that Cornelius Vanderbilt, a retired soldier, who was in control of the rail system, was the one who began the revolution, but old age and death sidelined him. His attempt to break Rockefeller’s Standard Oil by asking for more money to transport its kerosene across America led to the laying of pipes across the country. Rockefeller’s diversion into gasoline, which used to be wasted during kerosene production, coincided with Ford’s mass production of cars and helped to make better cars. Facts such as these are elaborated in this docu-series of no mean importance.

My final take: Nations are not built by saints and trailblazers often don’t know their own worth. Leaders, be it in business or politics, don’t have to be perfect. They just need to be bold, bold to take decisions and bold to restrategise if their plans backfire. Those are my takeaways from “The Men Who Built America”, a tale of men whose pioneering efforts we benefit from to this day.

July 12, 2024
What breast milk seeks to put asunder

Shortly before my copy of Fatima Bala’s ‘Broken Not A Halal Love Story’ arrived from Lagos, the city where saints and sinners are difficult to differentiate, I saw a Qatari movie, ‘Honeymoonish’, on Netflix. A major conflict in the movie centers around a man whose aunt discourages from having sex with his wife because they might be siblings, not biological, but siblings because the mother of one of them was suspected to have breastfed the other during some babysitting sessions. It’s not Islamic for a boy and a girl in such situation to marry each other. It was a revelation to me and I felt only Muslims outside Nigeria obey this injunction until I came across it in ‘Broken Not A Halal Love Story’, a heart-wrenching x-ray of religion-cum-tradition and their effects on matters of the heart and of the mind.

Fatima Bala, with this book, offers insights into Islam but in manners that neither impugn prose nor pacing. It is not out of place to describe the novel as a crash course on this widespread religion, and it sparkles in ways that show clearly that the version being bandied by fundamentalists isn’t Islam but an aberration. It also gives great insights into the Hausa culture and traditions, which over the centuries have been under the overwhelming impact of Islam. This book has more surprises for people out of that part of Nigeria.

It is told largely in first person from Fai’za’s point of view, and in a few chapters in third person from Ahmad’s point of view.

In this novel that takes us from Abuja to Toronto, Milan and Kano, Fatima Bala’s imperfect Muslims find out that in the clash between obeying religious injunctions and letting human nature prevail, there are always casualties.

Fatima Bala starts the book starts on a tension-soaked September 2016 morning in Abuja, where a lady is refusing to talk to a man who seems to have a lot to say. The lady’s mother’s appearance provides her the excuse to escape from the scene and we find ourselves escaping into one scene after the other, with a throw back to six years back. We quickly know that this novel about choice and identity among many other things follows Fai’za Mohammed, a Northern Nigeria Muslim girl from a conservative home, and Ahmad Babangida, a sophisticated Muslim aristocrat. Fai’za is raised to always be mindful of public reactions to everything she does. Handsome Ahmad ‘forces’ her to query values she has held dear since childhood, including pre-marital sex. The tension of Ahmad’s electrifying effects on her fast-paces the plot and leaves us racing along with these lovebirds.

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The subplot that involves Afreen and Zafar is one that drives the main plot and further enlarges the cycle of flawed characters whose hearts and minds are entangled in battle royale.

The book examines other issues such as disparity in the raising of boys and girls, including how boys have freedoms girls can only dream of. Religion, faith, sexuality, heartbreak and more are also examined in manners that balance Muslim and non-Muslim readers’ sensibilities. The author punches patriarchy and raises posers about why conservative societies always ask: “why was she alone with him?” instead of “why did he do that to her?” And there is this related and germane viewpoint: “Nowhere in the Qur’an did it say that sins would be judged in accordance with one’s gender. Yet, in our culture and tradition, many Muslim rites were only applicable to women.”

We see the interesting dynamics of the relationship between girls from the North and their mothers and how so different it is between mothers and sons. We also have a glimpse of what it is like between fathers and sons and daughters and fathers.

The author shows us what the lives of educated and rich Nigerians from the North looks like, and the images that emerge are not only exquisite but alluring.

Reading the bits about wedding and marriage in the North is educating. It was quite a revelation that brides don’t attend their own Nikkah and parents play domineering roles in their children’s choices of life partners. Interesting. It’s refreshing finding out that there is room for a father to give out his daughter in marriage and there is also another route different from this.

If you’re curious about what the Islamic injunction against marriage of a man and a woman suckled by the same woman has to do with this book in which by the time the author returns us to 2016 Abuja, the novel’s takeoff point, Ahmad is set to marry Sakina, the answer is in the book. And if you also want to know how come two people were suckled by the same woman since they aren’t from the same mother, the answer is in the book, and these answers drive this sweet read. All I will tell you is that Fatima Bala resolves the conflict in a remarkable manner, manner so outstanding, so grounded you are left with only one choice and that choice is to give her her flowers.

I also need to point this out: Clever Fatima Bala doesn’t orchestrate events to suit plot development; way before a revelation, veiled references are made, but because of the wisdom behind their presentations, they come across as ordinary until the moments of truth or revelation beckon, leaving a reader saying “no wonder he did or said that”.

Fatima Bala’s writing in ‘Broken’ is one I gulped slowly like a crazily-chilled water; I chewed it like akara just off hot vegetable oil; and I digested it with the patience of a man after a beautiful woman playing hard to get. In a nutshell, this book is a great read because the author demonstrates that fiction isn’t just fiction as it often brings out sociological facts in interesting ways and forces us to be educated even when all we set out to have is just some fun.

Permit me to say this book, as the subtitle warns, contains scenes that aren’t halal, scenes that are hot, scenes that will make you scream “haba, haha Alhaja Fatima”!

My final take: Injunctions can be hard to obey, but often they help to escape being in a cul-de-sac. Like laws that are meant to minimise chaos and engender peaceful coexistence, injunctions are necessities.

June 28, 2024
Dear Umar Abubakar Sidi,

By the time you read this, I have willingly led myself to Golgotha for Garba Dakaskus to crucify me with his incredible dreams as detailed in your novel, ‘The Incredible Dreams of Garba Dakaskus’.

I first heard of your literary madness (sorry, work) years ago from Azafi Omoluabi, the CEO of Paressia Publishers. She spoke of the work in superlative terms, though it was still a manuscript at the time. What she said about the work excited me when I saw that Masobe Books was set to publish it this year and I began the countdown for its release.

Your status as a helicopter pilot with the Nigerian Navy and as a poet of repute further compounded my curiosity. And Richard Ali, the poet and novelist who had recommended novels I found incredible (Chimeka Garricks’ ‘Tomorrow Died Yesterday’ and Elif Shafak’s ‘Forty Rules of Love’) would not allow us rest. At every moment, he was on social media preaching the gospel of ‘The Incredible Dreams of Garba Dakaskus.’ The reputation of the marvellous and ingenious Richard and Azafi built around the work, not only fueled my desire to read it but also made me decide that once I read it, I would write about it.

The first thing I’ll say is that a forensic study needs to be carried out on how you ideated and executed this huge and strange concoction. For goodness’ sake, how did you conceive and execute the mad idea that became this novel?

Garba Dakaskus, the narrator of your novel, is a crazy dude who hides in his room in fear of being assassinated and begins spinning one yarn after the other, yarns that are at once confounding and mesmerising. Your Dakaskus took us to America, Asia, and the Middle East but not quite as we know them. What he has to say about these places makes me wonder if he is talking about the same Asia, America and the Middle East that I’ve visited.

As Abubakar Adam Ibrahim said, this book is a first for me. Nothing I have read comes close to this madness. I’d thought Ben Okri was crazy but you are crazier. While Okri built his magical world around known life events, you created a world I would never understand, a world where we hear of “A Guide to the Secrets of the Alphabets and other Mysterious Matters Related to the Arrangement of Letters in the Construction of Words and Sentences”; we hear of a novel known as “The Teachings of Kabuki and the Philosophy of Suffering”; and we hear of more bizarre stuff. The madness in Abubakar Adam Ibrahim’s “Dreams and Assorted Nightmares” and “When We Were Fireflies” pales when compared to yours. Though Abubakar also toyed with our ‘mental health,’ his magical is still rooted in realism and we can largely recognise the Abuja, the Kafanchan and Jos he wrote about. We can relate with the historical events his magical draws strength from. In your case, the only things I recognise are the poetic prose and the smooth-singing and enchanting syntax. Every other thing keeps screaming ‘This is madness, madness of the highest order!’

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The fact that your narrator keeps referring to books and sources we do not know of tells me his sanity should be queried. What on earth is that tale about the Caliph and the bird who becomes his adviser? And what about those animals who become part of the kingdom and thus become free from being hunted for food?

I need to ask you, were you drawing our attention to Nigerian politics when the animals given the chance to live in peace started misbehaving? Or, am I just reading too much meaning into this book with a maze of tales that puzzle me? I know that in ‘Glory,’ her sophomore novel, NoViolet Bulawayo wrote an allegory about Zimbabwe and we see an African country ruled by Old Horse, an animal regarded as the Father of the Nation. So, I wanted to hope you were also using the animals to say something, but the more I read, the more I saw clues that you had no such intention and that your only intention was to mess with our heads and make us imagine and search for the impossible.

My final take: With so much going on in our world, it’s not a sin to escape into some other world, where we don’t have to think about man’s inhumanity to man, where we can search for the essence of humanity and probe its nature in unabashed ways. That is what you have offered us with this book. And take it from me, Umar, those who will love Dakaskus’ crazy tales will love them not just for the tales but the way you told them; also be prepared, those who will hate the tales will hate them because they are experimental and far from what they know and believe a novel should be. Some may even ask you to reveal your marijuana plug.

Until I have cause to write you again, bye for now and may your dreams continue to be incredible.

Yours,

Olukorede.

June 21, 2024
Trump our Trump

Otunba Dr Chief Professor Honourable Donald J Trump is the best thing that has happened to America. He has brought so much glory to God’s own country that years after his time on earth, America and Americans will worship him the way Ogun worshippers pour palm oil in deference of this human-turned god.

Without Honourable Trump, America would never have seen a president who would never see anything as too much to say, they would never have seen a president whose supporters care less about conviction for felony charges, and America would have only dreamt of a man seeking a return to the White House and is already settled about the many policies he would reverse on his first day in office.

Without Honourable Trump, it would have been difficult for America to clinch its slot as a country, whose ex-president and presidential candidate, has been convicted of criminal charges. Only Honourable Trump has made America turned so many turning points, including churches openly adopting him, praying for his success and prophesying victory for him on the account of him being a rock-solid Christian.

Honourable Trump is the sort of a person you can say his ota po ju enemies lo, but still he rises. All the American constitution requires of him is to be atleast 35, be natural born American and to have lived in America in the last 14 years. Felony conviction means nothing when it comes to leading the world’s greatest nation.

From what I can see, Honourable Trump’s records are sterling, so sterling that he shouldn’t dignify himself rolling with mere mortals. His greatness is such that I wonder why he allowed himself to be born of the intimacy of a man and woman, and bear some burden of mere mortals. This man should have chosen to come to this world in extra-ordinary ways because of his extraordinary nature.

The manner Honourable Trump became president was not ordinary, only a special being could work out that sort of miracle. It looked like it was Hilary Clinton’s time and that she would cruise to victory but she had no idea she was running against a god in human flesh! She learnt the lesson the bitter way and she has since remained scared to run for the most-coveted seat in the world.

That Honourable Trump allowed Joe Biden to defeat him after his first term is just a strategy from a god on earth. Soon it will be cleared to all doubting Thomases that he deserves our accolades, he deserves to be deified because if he had lived in the same era as Venus and other gods, he would have been superior to them. He would have been a god being worshipped by other gods.

Honourable Trump’s effigy should be in shrines and bitter kola, kola nut and so on should be used to appease him. We have this god in our midst free of charge and we are not taking advantage of his presence. He shouldn’t be running to lead only America, he deserves to lead the world, from the Americas to Europe and Africa.

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The special anointing on Honourable Trump professes that he is who America and the rest of the world need, and we must do everything within our capacity to convince him to not limit himself to running the American presidential race; he should run the global race for our sake. We need to get him to agree to help us. The rest will be sorted out. The world needs a god who can capture Death and carry it on his head.

With Honourable Trump’s magic wand, inequality will become a thing of the past; with his magic wand, sickness and diseases will flee from our world; with his magic wand, global infrastructural development will be accelerated.

With these few points of mine, I hope I have been able to convince and not confuse you that Honourable Trump has done so many other great things for America’s democracy, including using more than $100 million campaign funds to fight legal battles. All thanks to a loophole in electoral law that doesn’t see that as illegal.

I thus beseech doubters to believe Honourable Trump has all it takes to get the world to the Promised Land.

My final take: Honourable Donald J Trump deserves more than America’s presidency. He should be the president of the world so it is time a central global government was formed and his headship of this government would heal the world, make the world a better place and we all will be the better for it.

June 14, 2024
Mambilla

In the last few months, Mambilla has been in the news. The news isn’t a true representation of the Mambilla I visited some years back; it is a representation that stinks, it is about a corruption trial over a messed up federal project.

Mambilla is more than what we now hear in the news. Mambilla is one of Nigeria’s many unexplored gold. Mambilla is uncut diamond, a jewel in the raw. Even with its glooming buildings, unvarnished walls, broken fences and hectares upon hectares of wasting land, the goodness in Mambilla is discernible.

Mambilla Plateau sits pretty in the committee of the unfortunate. This is a land that should be swimming in dollars from all over the world, it should be a place where the high and the mighty all over the world die to visit and many should be willing to see Mambilla Plateau and die!

Mambilla, which borders Cameroun, has the capacity to spring surprises— if only the right investment is made. Its weather is akin to what you have in Europe. The ‘hottest’ it ever gets is 20-degree centigrade. Here people wear winter jackets all the time and their heads are covered with head warmers. Gloves are not uncommon to keep the cold away. Apples, tea, and any kind of fruits, including those believed to be exclusive to European soils, grow on its fertile soils. They hardly experience sunshine. Fridges are not necessities. Drinks chill anywhere you put them. All thanks to their land being 1,840 metres above sea level— the highest point in Nigeria.

It is no less than six hours by road from Jalingo, the Taraba State capital. It was no fun until I was reminded that it used to take three days. The terrain is difficult and for the road to be constructed, engineering wizardry had to be applied.

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If not for a 1963 referendum, it would have been in Cameroun. The people chose Nigeria after the then Premier of the Northern Region, Ahmadu Bello (the Sardauna of Sokoto), convinced them to stick with Nigeria. Their local government is known as Sardauna in honour of the man who made them see the goodness in Nigeria. But have they much to show for it?

In 1991 when Ibrahim Babangida was military president, the people were enraged and one day chased away Nigerian policemen and declared the area a United Nations territory. They hoisted a UN flag. This made Babangida gift them the road which turned the journey from Jalingo to six hours instead of three days.

During my trip, I found out that the Mambilla Plateau had been partitioned by influential Nigerians, especially those who were in the military. I was told acres of land were acquired by these goons in anticipation of the Plateau taking its pride of place.

The people I met felt more affinity with Cameroun, where many had relatives. They crossed the border easily. Cameroonian music, television stations, and radio stations are popular with them.

Photographers and cinematographers will jump for joy at the ending rolling green hills of the Plateau.

The road to the Plateau is not one where you speed; it is so curvy a speeding car can end up in the many deep gorges around it. Rocks, mountains and highlands had to be drilled or quarried before Babangida could gift them the road that shortened the distance from Jalingo to six hours instead of the three days.

Like Mambilla Plateau and its neglected gifts of nature, Nigeria seems to be a grave of potential money-spinners. We have forest reserves, waterfalls, dams and other scenic beauties all over the country, but we carry on as though we are bereft of how to make them cough out money like they do overseas. We run abroad for everything that we have but have failed to make the best of.

A hydro-electric project initiated by the military remains unrealised some two decades later. Mrs. Yorte Sorandi was 18 years in 1980 when the project was conceived.

“I was only 18 years then. With my small body, I was not married yet. I watched as my father assisted the white men who put the instrument. They said they were going to construct for us a hydropower dam.

“Today, I am 58, and no block has been laid, no iron has been cast. When will they start the project?” she asked The Nation some years ago.

Dahiru Abdulkadric, whose father was employed to lo okafter an instrument on the site, sees it as a dream.

He said: “This Mambilla dam project has been to me like a dream. My father used to talk about it. Now he has gone and I am doing his job.

“They told us they are coming to compensate and move us to new places. We have waited and become tired. But we are ready if the government is sincere and serious about the project.”

When President Muhammadu Buhari was in the state capital for his campaign rally on January 28, 2015, he said the previous governments were only doing politics with the Mambilla hydropower project.

He said: “If I become president, I will revive and complete the Mambilla hydropower dam, which has been moribund,” he said.

On August 30, 2017, Buhari awarded the contract for the engineering work on the Mambilla dam, through a joint venture with a Chinese civil engineering company for $5.792 billion (N2 trillion) to be partly funded by China Export-Import (EXIM) Bank as a concessionary loan. However, EXIM, after its survey, reduced to $3 billion.

My final take: We need to explore the unexplored, we need to tap the untapped, we need to milk the ‘unmilked’ and we need to do everything possible to make Nigeria equal if not better than the nations that catch our people’s fancies.

June 7, 2024
Oba of Benin revisited

On September 11, 2020, I wrote about the Oba of Benin, the one who sits, speaks and treads with a candour, the one who men cower in his presence, and women differ to his being, and children look at in awe and the one whom, when it is time to ascend the higher realm, all we hear is that “the leopard is ill in the Savannah Bush” and we dare not ask what that means.

I wrote about this great monarch whose stool is not about who is on it, neither is it about the person’s age nor education or any other thing, but the stool itself. The stool, I noted then, is the most important and once you sit on it, you command the sort of authority the people have made sure we are yet to see in any other monarch in Nigeria. I noted that it is one stool in which the occupant is groomed from birth and availed the best of traditional and modern education.

I had written about the stool at the time because the Oba of Benin summoned politicians and political godfathers in Edo State to his Palace and, like obedient servants, they all went with their hands tucked at their back. I was in awe because I couldn’t think of anyone else who could pull that off with the kind of ease the Oba of Benin did.

Some of the men who obeyed Ewuare II’s summon had armed thugs, and the monarch was afraid they would later use their guns to rob and assassinate people; and were involved in acts that could make Edo State a laughing stock. The monarch had their ears and he minced no words with them on their ignoble roles in the run-up to the governorship election.

The Oba gave it to them raw. He let it be known that all of them have disappointed him by directly or indirectly supporting violence. He told them to show respect to the traditional institution without lip service. He said he expected ex-Governor John Odigie-Oyegun to call both sides to a ceasefire, adding that he would hold him responsible if he failed to use his elder-statesmanship status to stop the violence in Edo State.

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And to the one Ewuare used to call son but who betrayed his confidence, the monarch looked him straight in the face and declared: “I am not sure I will call (Phillip) Shaibu my son again, because of the way he (Shaibu) is going. Shaibu refused to honour his assurances to me. You do not say something to me and go against it. Shaibu, behave yourself. Calm down. I learnt you control thugs. Tell your boys to a ceasefire and drop their arms. Let your boys calm down. Must it be a do-or-die affair? Do not turn Benin into a city of thugs. Do not kill yourselves because of public office. Stop the shootings. I am very sad about what is happening in Edo State. This is the worst scenario. Let us eschew violence and give peace a chance.”

And Shaibu had responded by saying “I will do as you have directed, by telling my boys to calm down.”

The monarch shared interesting insights about how Godwin Obaseki became governor. One, some royal members of Obaseki’s family close to the palace were against the decision; two, he had pleaded with Adams Oshiomhole to propose but not impose a successor; three, he refused to give an opinion after Oshiomhole informed him of his choice; four, three weeks after telling the monarch Obaseki was his choice, Oshiomhole came back to the palace and wanted to know the monarch’s opinion but the Oba did not give any because Oshiomhole’s decision on Obaseki was not a proposal, but an imposition; five, Oshiomhole invited Africa’s richest man Alhaji Aliko Dangote to speak with the monarch on his choice of Obaseki. Dangote came and spoke with the Oba on Obaseki for over one hour, but the Oba kept quiet. Oshiomhole and Obaseki also visited him in Uselu, but he still kept quiet; and six, Dangote stood as a guarantor for Obaseki to be of good behaviour and that if Obaseki misbehaved, the monarch should contact him and still the Oba kept quiet.

Obaseki, of course, became governor. What started as a smooth ride, turned to an unprecedented conflict. The Oba tried to intervene several times. He even went to President Muhammadu Buhari over the matter. He said both of them started avoiding him. Oshiomhole succeeded in frustrating Obaseki out of the All Progressives Congress (APC). He threw his weight behind Pastor Osagie Ize-Iyamu, who he vilified in 2016 because of Obaseki.

I’m revisiting the Oba because Obaseki is now on his way out and is at loggerheads with the Palace over returned stolen art works, including two coronation stools of two kings, Oba Eresoyen and Oba Esigie. Obaseki has not congratulated the Oba because he wants the returned items in a museum he set up after breaking away part of the iconic Central Hospital in Benin. The palace, on the other hand, wants the items at the Oba Akenzua II Cultural Centre. The governor also seems to be supporting Enigies who want to suffocate the monarch.

My final take: The Oba of Benin will have the last laugh. In a matter of months, Obaseki’s political relevance will almost fizzle out; it is eroding already because every outgoing governor is as good as out. Moreso, the Oba of Benin stool isn’t ordinary. It is one stool whose mystic is impossible for mere mortals to understand, and it will remain so for a long time to come. And because of the grooming of its occupants, it will always be about the stool and not the age of its occupant or any other factor.

May 31, 2024
This thing called loyalty

In the beginning was a golden seat at the Government House, Port Harcourt, and the seat was with Nyesom Wike, and Nyesom Wike was the seat because he controlled key political structures; and without Wike, nearly no Rivers politician was made. And when time came for Wike to vacate the seat, he looked around for who was worthy among the buttocks jostling for the seat. He found none suitable and thought outside the box and decided on top civil servant Siminalayi Fubara with no known political structure.

Adversaries rose against his choice and were poised to checkmate him. With gun-blazing Wike went to war and on May 29, 2023, the battle was won. Fubara came out top without firing a missile or throwing a stone. All he had to do was act like a man who becomes blindly loyal when he craves the unquantifiable pleasure within a woman’s thighs.

Fubara watched as Wike used grenades, bombs, machetes and every weapon imaginable. He watched as Wike decided every single person who would make up the House of Assembly. He watched as the shape of his administration was being drawn with little or no input from him. He watched like a man whose guiding philosophy is “the end justifies the means”. Simply put, Fubara allowed he who paid the piper to call the tunes, and it was supposed to remain like that for the whole of his time in power, a feat only one politician has been able to enact in Nigeria since the return to democratic rule. But, it didn’t take too long before it was clear to all that it would be Herculean for Wike to equal this record.

Having sated his urge and thus seeing no need for blind loyalty for fleshy pleasure again, Fubara began to reject the tunes being called by the master. First, we heard whispers, soft whispers; second, loud whispers; and third, it became above whispers—serious hullabaloo. The former House Leader, Hon. Edison Ehie, and some members of the Assembly, were suspended. An impeachment notice was issued to the governor; there was bombing at the Assembly complex; and some commissioners quit the cabinet. Fubara, with smiles on his face, also sent a bulldozer to the House of Assembly, where the majority thinks and dreams Wike. The building, he told us, needed refurbishing, a refurbishment that he didn’t start before Wike threatened to bring down the heavens. We feared blood flowing. We feared fire. We feared brimstone. We even feared Armageddon.

And, in no time, Wike’s boss, President Bola Tinubu, chose to obey the Yoruba saying that a child’s head shouldn’t be in the wrong position when elders are around. An eight-item pact was sealed. And Wike’s men in Fubara’s cabinet, who had earlier resigned, were renominated, cleared and returned to their old positions. It was like peace was back. And the dividends of democracy would soon start reaching the people of Rivers who had watched with bated breath as their leaders squabbled for the soul of their state.

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Sadly, hardly had a week passed before the discerning knew that the cracks hadn’t been properly cemented; they knew that the river would soon flow beyond its banks. And when it did, the Fubara, who was an apostle of no-price-is-too-much for Rivers’ peace, came out smoking, smoking hot: He declared the Martin Amaewhule-led House of Assembly non-existent; he referred to the lawmakers as a group of boys whom he helped to pay their kids school fees; he expressed disappointment about their disloyalty; and he said God used vessels to make him governor and that the vessels shouldn’t replace God. He also derided some elders in the state, who, because of “small, small money”, refused to be statesmen. That he said all these when a delegation seeking peace visited him belied his readiness to war-war. And when he followed up days after with his plan to probe his predecessor and a statement that debts from the Wike era are so heavy they are pulling his administration down, I interpreted it as the end of jaw-jaw. And his signing of an executive order relocating the House of Assembly to the Government House made me feel “Wike go hear am; Wike go feel am”.

What is happening in Rivers State isn’t unforeseen by some of us. On May 26, 2023, these words appear on this space: “Rivers State is one place I look forward to seeing gnashing of teeth. Will Nyesom Wike, the outgoing governor, leave the man he installed to work without interference? Or will he interfere and see the other side of the gentle-looking Fubara? Interesting moments await us.”

I had also written: “It is near impossible for a new Sheriff to take instructions from a predecessor. Once the initial pretense of being loyal and grateful for being chosen ahead of others is over, successors mostly revolt. The way out is to leave them to enjoy their reign.”

The precedence is there for us all to see. Samples: What became of Godswill Akpabio and Udom Emmanuel, the man Akpabio installed as his successor in Akwa Ibom? Didn’t Willie Obiano seek to cut the throat of Peter Obi who fought tooth and nail to make him his successor as Anambra State governor? How long did the romance between Chimaroke Nnamani and his anointed successor as Enugu State governor, Sullivan Chime, last? Didn’t Adams Oshiomhole and Godwin Obaseki fall apart with a loud bang? Weren’t we witness to the fallout of Liyel Imoke and his successor, Prof. Benedict Ayade? What about Rabiu Musa Kwankwaso and Abdullahi Ganduje? I can go on and on and on.

What these fall-outs show is that we must learn from the past. We can try to run away from the past, but it will always catch up with us.

Of the current governors, nine still have good rapports with the men who helped them into power. The secret may be that they have some freedom to lead their states. Or, will things eventually fall apart as we have in Rivers State? It remains to be seen if anything good will come out of ex-President Goodluck Jonathan’s intervention.

My final take: There is no need wasting time and resources to get someone elected with the mindset of calling the shot from outside. The reason is simple: Power is an aphrodisiac. In power, a eunuch can regain his testes. A gentleman without power can become a tiger when in power. An imbecile can wear the toga of the brainy when in power.

Power changes most men and women. Money does the same because most times they work hand in hand. At times, money brings power and, at times, power brings money. And together they make men and women’s heads swell so much that they put aside the circumstances that get them their exalted positions. And in the long run, this thing called loyalty suffers. Big time!

May 24, 2024
America and campaign cash

Transparency. Accountability. Fairness. These three words are never far from America’s mouth. This nation of nations is ever ready to talk about these principles as the pillars on which its democratic ideals stand.

I remember these words as President Joe Biden and Donald Trump, his main rival in the November 5, 2024 quadrennial presidential election, intensify the race for campaign cash. They have for months now been on the neck of donors—big and small— for financial assistance. Their campaign teams bombard Americans with messages daily on why they need to contribute to their campaign funds. Of course, with each team explaining why the other side must be stopped and the role of cash in achieving this onerous task.

In one message from the Biden team, donors are told that “when you chip in any amount today, you’ll be automatically entered for a chance to meet the Bidens so they can personally thank you for your continued support”.

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The Trump team also has catchy tactics of getting Americans to fund the campaign of the man who once rose to power with a promise to “make America great again”, a promise he is still making in his second attempt at America’s most important job.

Both have raked in millions of dollars, and more will flow in as the campaigns hot up for the soul of America, the world’s most known nation.

These funds being raised are being monitored by the Federal Election Commission (FEC), a crucial pillar in the landscape of American democracy. The agency is tasked with overseeing the flow of money into political campaigns. Established in the aftermath of the Watergate scandal, its primary goal is to ensure transparency and integrity in the electoral process. However, the FEC faces formidable challenges in fulfilling its mission.

One of the core responsibilities of the FEC is to monitor and disclose campaign finance activities, shedding light on who funds political campaigns and how these funds are utilised. This transparency is essential for voters to make informed decisions during elections. However, the staggering increase in campaign spending over the years, reaching record highs in recent election cycles, raises concerns about the influence of money in politics.

The exponential growth in campaign spending, especially with the advent of digital platforms and online advertising, has outpaced the regulatory framework designed to ensure transparency. Loopholes in existing laws allow for significant amounts of “dark money” to flow into campaigns, often without disclosure of the true funding sources. This opacity undermines the principle of informed democracy, leaving voters unaware of the forces shaping political narratives.

The FEC’s ability to enforce campaign finance laws effectively is hindered by internal challenges, including staffing shortages and budgetary constraints. The commission’s reliance on achieving consensus among its members, often resulting in deadlock on critical issues, further impedes its regulatory efficacy. Members of the commission are drawn from the Democratic Party and the Republican Party, a situation which often contributes to deadlock in taking necessary actions.

Trump has really capitalised on the weakness of the commission. Some days back, reports indicate that Trump has been using a chunk of these funds to fight his legal battles.

The Brennan Centre for Justice captures it well in these words: “The former president has relied almost entirely on donations to his campaign and affiliated PACs to pay his lawyers, to the tune of more than $100 million, as of early 2024.

“Following his 2020 election loss, Trump received more than $250 million in donations from supporters to fuel an “election defense fund.” He divided that money between two campaign entities: his 2020 presidential campaign committee, which he subsequently converted into a freestanding PAC called Make America Great Again (MAGA) PAC, and a second entity called Save America PAC, which is a so-called “leadership PAC” (a type of PAC that a federal candidate can establish for the ostensible purpose of supporting other candidates).

“Beginning in early 2021, Trump began spending funds from these two PACs on his myriad legal proceedings — including personal matters. The fact that MAGA PAC was no longer a campaign committee enabled him to take advantage of a loophole in campaign finance law prohibiting candidates from using campaign committee funds for personal expenses, but not PAC funds. Through early 2024, MAGA PAC spent $30 million on Trump’s legal expenses. Roughly another $70 million has come from Save America, which is subject to a similar loophole.

“By early 2024, however, Save America was running out of money, even as Trump’s legal bills continued to mount. To boost his leadership PAC’s cash base, Trump began to steer online donations to it and also set up a joint fundraising agreement with the Republican National Committee, under which the RNC prioritizes funneling money to Save America over filling its own coffers. (The party has also directly paid some of Trump’s legal bills, as it did when he was president and as the Democratic National Committee has done for President Biden.) Additionally, Save America has clawed back a $60 million donation it made to MAGA Inc., a pro-Trump super PAC, through an unusual series of monthly payments. Despite these efforts, Save America is running low on funds: the PAC had just $4 million on hand at the end of March, as Trump headed into his first criminal trial.”

What the current situation shows is that urgent reforms are needed to strengthen campaign finance regulations.

For example, legislative measures, such as the Honest Ads Act, which seeks to extend reporting requirements to online political advertisements, are crucial steps toward enhancing transparency in the digital age. Also, closing loopholes that allow undisclosed contributions and ensuring robust enforcement mechanisms are imperative to safeguard the integrity of elections.

It is also essential to address the influence of foreign money in U.S. elections because it remains a paramount concern. We can also not rule out the need for stricter oversight and enforcement against foreign interference. Enhanced disclosure requirements for political spending is essential to protect the sovereignty of American democracy.

My final take: To uphold the principles of transparency, accountability, and fairness in America’s campaign finance, comprehensive reforms are needed. Only through concerted efforts to mitigate the influence of money in politics can it safeguard the democratic ideals upon which the nation stands. The Department of Justice, which handles criminal violations of the law, also needs to bite more in this matter. And the Congress need to close the loopholes which allow politicians to run their adverts online without disclosing them to the commission and concealing both the adverts’ sources and the money spent on them.

May 17, 2024
Every journalist should write a book

As I read Niran Adedokun’s new book, ‘Every Journalist Should Write A Book’, I see a number of our colleagues either dusting up their abandoned manuscripts or starting afresh. I see many who will read this book deciding to go beyond being just journalists and transiting into published authors. I see many being inspired and I see many still preferring to maintain the status quo, still saying no one will read them, still saying they don’t have time, still saying they don’t have money, still saying they don’t know how to find a publisher and still saying ‘I’ll start it tomorrow’ and when tomorrow comes, they’ll say there is still time; the same time we all know waits for no one. And in the long run, not every journalist will write a book.

‘Every Journalist Should Write A Book’ captures the multifaceted role of journalists, who traverse diverse landscapes from palaces to slums, documenting the tapestry of human experiences. They serve as catalysts for economic revival, dissecting facts and figures for the masses while engaging with leaders and dissecting public policies. The author laments the loss when journalists fail to immortalise their wealth of knowledge and experiences in books, a missed opportunity for personal growth and societal benefit.

The author doesn’t present this book-writing task as being without challenges. Adedokun underscores the need for perseverance and discipline in mastering the art of writing. He goes further to establish the wide gap between journalistic writing and the delicateness of the long-form writing that books require.

He also gives insights into why many journalists are yet to become authors. Reasons: Mindset, procrastination, self-doubt, what to write about, fear of acceptance, money, perfectionism and unrealistic goals. He urges journalists to envision success, join support groups, defy negative thoughts and show themselves compassion.

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Adedokun, who has authored books of essays, biographies and fiction, provides a roadmap that can lead journalists towards enlightenment and self-discovery.

‘Every Journalist Should Write a Book’ offers a practical approach. It has a ‘how to’ section which offers a slim-fit, step-by-step guide on craftmanship hurdles. He provides a catalogue of what journalists can write about. These include fiction and non-fiction. He breaks these genres further down into novels, memoirs, creative non-fiction, biographies, self-help, and more.

Many journalists are beat reporters, meaning they cover specialised areas such as judiciary, entertainment, crime and so on. Documenting their experiences on the beat, especially major events, Adeniran believes, can make interesting reads and great books.

Journalists also travel a lot in the course of their duties. Adedokun suggests travel books as something worth pursuing. Travel reporters, he urges, can even write travel guides as books.

The book instills confidence and motivation with its examples of successful author-journalists. From Charles Dickens to Mark Twain and Napoleon Hill, Adedokun shows us journalists who transitioned to authors. He also has Nigerian examples such as Segun Osoba, Mike Awoyinfa, Dimgba Igwe, Toni Kan, Azuh Arinze, Lanre Idowu and others.

Arinze, who edited National Encomium for years before starting YES magazine, has many books. One of them is called ‘Encounters’. It is about his meetings with important figures such as boardroom guru Dr. Christopher Kolade, ex-beauty queen Bianca Ojukwu, elegant stallion Onyeka Onwenu, ex-Governor Akinwunmi Ambode, the late Dora Akinyili, ex-Governor Segun Osoba, ex-Minister of Transportation Rotimi Amaechi, and Minister of Aviation Festus Keyamo. Others include Dr. Tunde Braimoh, advertising guru Biodun Shobanjo, United Bank for Africa owner Tony Elumelu, ex-Super Eagles star Nwankwo Kanu, Zenith bank owner Jim Ovia, Queen’s counsel, Fidelis Oditah, businessman Ken Caleb Olumese, movie star Kanayo O. Kanayo and Public Relations expert Yomi Badejo-Okusanya. Almost all reporters have met important people on their beats and can replicate something similar. Adedokun feels that the role models in the beats reporters cover can be subjects of books for them.

Kan, a former editor of Hints, has written or co-written over 20 books. His first non-fictional book was on Princess Diana, which he co-wrote with David Dozie Njoku. He has also authored critically acclaimed works of fiction such as ‘Nights of the Creaking Bed’ and ‘Carnivorous City’. The two are still in so much demand over 10 years after they were released.

The author also tells of his personal journey into becoming an author. His first book, ‘Ladies Calling The Shots’, is about female directors. He interviewed and did extensive profiles of them, which told us almost everything that should be known about them. Hungry for more, he followed up with a book of essays, ‘The Danfo Driver in All of Us’. A collection of short stories, ‘The Law is An Ass’, followed. Two biographies, one on the late Lt-Gen. Ibrahim Attahiru and the other on Wale Adenuga, have also come from his fountain.

Seeing many of his colleagues sitting on books led to his latest, which offers pieces of advice on putting the ideas together, publishing and marketing of books and breaks down the types of publishing. The book’s value extends beyond mere authorship; it symbolises a legacy that transcends material wealth and fame. Adedokun emphasises that books, more than any other possession, ensure a lasting imprint in history, immortalising the author’s legacy.

Long after I closed the last page of this book, I keep telling myself that veteran journalists need do us the honour of giving us books. They should not be like the great Lateef Jakande, whose memoirs went with him to his grave.

The first female editor of a national newspaper, Dr. Doyin Abiola, owes us a book or books. One of them is a memoir on the June 12 crisis; the other is about her exciting times as a record-breaking journalist. It will be interesting to find out what was going on in the MKO Abiola family while the drama lasted and other juicy details I am convinced she has documented, for now, in her memory and needs to be downloaded on paper. And she has the mental and writing skills to do this. Will she oblige us?

High Chief Ikechi Emenike, from snippets I have heard, has had fascinating experiences with finance ministers across Africa, especially West Africa, for decades. As the publisher of specialised Afro-centric magazines, he has had dealings with the drivers of economies. He has traversed that corridor like no one else I know. His adventures are the sort that will make a readable memoir, the type I’m dying to lay my hands on. Another book may also be about his wife’s emergence as Nigeria’s first female ambassador to the United States. Dr Elizabeth Emenike was our envoy to the Republic of Ireland before the then President, Muhammadu Buhari, named her the first female Nigerian ambassador to the U.S.

Aside Dr Abiola and Emenike, there are so many other senior journalists owing us books. It is a debt they have to pay and it is hightime they paid it.

My final take: It is a sin to die with a book in you, especially if you have all it takes—writing skills, resources, time and so on—to make it a reality and thus enrich the portfolios of human knowledge.

May 10, 2024