The Nation Newspaper

Category: Saturday Magazine

  • The millionaire’s daughter (4)

    “You should not blame her too much. She must have been spoilt as a child and never learnt the things a woman needed to know about running her home,” my mother stated one evening. We were sitting in the main living-room watching a programme on TV. Meera had travelled out of the country for what she termed, ‘to rest a bit and do some shopping.’ I wondered what she was resting from: excessive partying and drinking perhaps, I thought grimly to myself.

    I however, listened to my mum’s advice and decided to be more tolerant about Meera’s behaviour. I had no choice as we were already married and there was nothing I could do about it. Besides, things were going very well for me in my business. Within a few years, it had grown so big that we had to move to a bigger space and employ more staff. I had grown very rich in such a short time. And what gave me even more satisfaction was that I had achieved most of it by my own efforts, with some support from my wife and her family. I lived an opulent lifestyle, drove expensive cars and wore the best clothes.

    Despite all that, though, I was not truly happy. It was like something was missing in my life, a void that money or luxuries could not fill. The truth was that I was not happy in my marriage. By this time, Meera and I were quarreling most of the time. As her behavior grew more outrageous, so did my anger with her. There were times, we would not speak to each other for weeks though we lived in the same house.

    I tried to reason with her but it was no use.

    “You need to break away from these friends of yours. A married woman shouldn’t be keeping so many single friends and jumping from one party, one club to another, drinking and getting into all kinds of wild behaviour,” I said one day. It was our fourth wedding anniversary and she had been drinking and smoking all day and was not fully sober.

    “You are beginning to get on my nerves with all this nagging. This was how I was when you met me. You have to accept me the way I am or you can get out,” she responded, blowing cigarrette smoke in my face.

    * * *

    It was at this stage that Elfreda came back into my life. I had not seen her since we broke up. From friends, I had been getting news about her life though. I learnt she had gone back to school, got a Masters degree and was working in a top firm. And had remained single.

    We ran into each other at the wedding of a mutual friend. She hadn’t changed much. She was dressed in a pale blue dress with a smart hat perched on her head. She looked very pretty in the outfit and my eyes were continually drawn to her. Initially, she was very cold towards me and refused to return my greeting or even acknowledge my presence. But my friend, Dick, who was also at the event, spoke to her and we later got talking. I apologized profusely for what I had done to her.

    “Fifi,” I said, using the nickname I had given her and always called her with, “I know no words are strong enough to express how sorry I am about the way I treated you. But if you can find it in your heart to forgive me…” I said in a beseeching tone.

    She smiled a little at me then said:

    “I forgave you long ago so you don’t have to worry about that.” Then she added:

    “But that doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten. You hurt me too badly for me to forget that easily.”

    We were sitting in my car at the car park of the venue of the wedding reception. She turned towards me in the small confines of the car and said:

    “At least something good came out of it all. Just look at you! You’ve done really well for yourself and have become such a successful businessman. You must be very happy,” she stated.

    I smiled wryly at her.

    “Don’t be deceived by outward appearances. One can look happy on the surface, but really miserable inside,” I replied, thinking of my situation at home with Meera. We were supposed to have attended the wedding together but she had been unable to make it as she was sleeping off the effect of a party she had gone to the previous day. We had had another row before I had left the house that morning for my friend’s wedding.

    “With all your wealth, why would you be sad?” she wondered, a questioning look in her eyes.

    “There are certain things that money can’t buy in this world,” I stated enigmatically.

    “Like…?” she asked curiously.

    Peace of mind. Contentment. Happiness. Marital bliss… But I didn’t voice my thoughts but simply looked searchingly into her eyes. She must have read something in my expression for she sighed and looked away. That was the thing with Elfreda- she sometimes had the ability to read what was on my mind, fathom my innermost thoughts without my speaking.

    She reached for the door.

    “I need to get back to the party. I came with a friend and he must be looking for me by now.”

    “Is he a boyfriend?” I asked, suddenly feeling jealous even though I knew I had no right to.

    She shook her head.

    “Just a friend.”

    As she made to step down from the car, I held her hand.

    “I’ll like to see you again, Fifi. I hope you don’t mind.”

    “I don’t think it’s wise. You are married now and…”

    “I know,” I quickly cut in. “Please. At least for old times sake. It will mean a lot to me,” I pleaded.

    She shrugged.

    “Alright,” she said.

    The following week, we met up for lunch at a restaurant not too far from my office. She was on leave so she had not gone to work. Like she had stated, it wasn’t very wise for us to be seeing each other again but I just couldn’t help myself. Meeting her again at that wedding had brought back memories of the past, of the time we had been together. It made me realize what I had lost when we broke up; the genuine love, affection and deep friendship Elfreda and I shared. I never felt that way about Meera. In my own way, I loved my wife especially at the beginning of our relationship though for sometime now, it was becoming more difficult to feel anything for her but anger and resentment.

    That day, Elfreda and I spent a long time at the restaurant, chatting and reminiscing about old times. It was like, we had never parted, never separated…

    As I drove back to the office after we parted, I felt happy for the first time in ages. It was like a heavy weight had been lifted off my chest, leaving me with a euphoric feeling.

    Together again

    After that day, we saw again a couple of times. The old attraction was still there between us and with time, we were back to our old relationship, becoming lovers again. I never planned to be unfaithful to my wife but in a way, she caused it due to the situation at home which had worsened. Apart from her excessive partying and clubbing, Meera had also started taking lovers outside. I had heard rumors which I dismissed as idle talk. But that changed when she even had the guts to bring one of her boyfriends home.

    I had returned from work one evening to see her sitting cosily with a man in the main living room. I had never seen him before and when I questioned her about him, she replied that he was a business partner. They later went out together and she did not return home till the following evening. That day, we had a big fight as I was so mad at her that she was not just cheating on me but was flaunting her affairs in my face.

    Later, I reported her to her family so they could intervene in the matter. While her brother, Tony, tried to talk some sense into her, her mum only ended up fanning the flames of discord in our home.

    “What do you mean she should stop going clubbing?” her mum queried when I complained about her daughter’s incessant partying as well as her affairs. “So, because she’s now married, she should start living like the Pope, is it? You should leave my daughter alone to enjoy herself, ok! You are doing nothing but stressing her with all these your complaints!”

    In this type of volatile atmosphere at home, you could imagine why I turned to Elfreda for some comfort. I always felt happy and relaxed when I was with her. She was everything Meera was not: loving, caring and homely as well…

    To be continued

    What happened to Dave, Meera and his old flame Elfreda? Join us for the final episode next Saturday!

    Names have been changed to protect the identity of the narrator and other individuals.

    Send comments/suggestions to 08023201831 or email psaduwa@yahoo.com

  • What can I do to win my husband’s love?

    What can I do to win my husband’s love? –B

    Maybe you have been married for a few years, and you are beginning to notice an unsettling trend. Slowly but surely, your husband seems to be drifting away from you. He no longer seems interested in giving you as much attention as he used to do. Previously, he would rush back to spend time with you as soon as he closed from work. However, nowadays he has other matters to attend to on more occasions than you would like.

    When you start to see signs that indicate your husband is not in love with you any more, you will be hurt deeply. However, simply fretting over the issue as things progressively get out of hand will just make a divorce even more inevitable. You have to take definite steps to help get husband to “love me” again.

    The good news is that there are actually a number of measures that you can take to influence your husband to renew his love for you. Here are two important tips by Teecee Go for you to take into consideration.

    Tip 1 – Be the woman he used to desire:

    We live in a dynamic society where we also change with time. Although you may not realize it, there are chances that you have changed. Try to think of the kind of woman you used to be when he craved for your hand in marriage.

    This does not mean that every change is necessarily bad. There are some positive changes that will make you a better person. However, try to figure the ways in which you may have changed that are less positive.

    For instance, you probably used to have a vibrant life with your own goals. Has your life sort of come to a standstill? When you come to think of it, you may realize that you have become more resentful almost imperceptibly. In the process, you may have started neglecting your husband in some little ways.

    Tip 2 – Set some time apart just for the two of you

    The busy lives that people usually live nowadays may easily leave you with hardly any quality time together. While it is true that you have to take care of the family in addition to other responsibilities, you should not do it at the expense of your relationship. Take time to rekindle the dying romance. If you are thinking that you are too old for romance, then you are wrong.

    Make arrangements for you to have at least one evening every week when you dedicate your time to each other. This will help you to become soul mates once more, instead of just being people who share a room.

  • Understanding your uniqueness (4)

    Dear Reader,

    Glory greetings to you again this week, in Jesus’ name. Three weeks ago, I taught on the creation of the male and female genders. Two weeks ago, I taught on the male gender’s differences and last week, I enlightened you on the female gender’s differences.

    This week, I dare to edify the women reader of this article on Your Uniqueness As A Woman!

    Well, I don’t believe any gender is superior to the other, but definitely unique to each other. Men and women are equal and they complement each other as well. It is important to understand that by nature, genders have different ways of thinking, expression and behaviour and that has to be addressed accordingly by parents, when raising their children.

    Talking about the creature of man in the image of God, it certainly refers to the ability of humans to be creative. It is important for you to also know that the woman is a unique being; her personality is unique. Her uniqueness is a reflection of God’s purposes and design for her. God created her specially to fulfill a divine purpose. God’s Word says: …in the image of God created he him; make and female created he them. For God to create them male and female, He has a purpose for His action. I want you to know as a woman that you are not an afterthought, as others presume, neither are you a nonentity. God did not make mistake in creating you who you are.

    Your creation is not an accidental occurrence! Thus, you have no reason to be ashamed that you are created a woman. Don’t try to be a man, don’t you ever say, “Oh! I wish God created me a man”, and vice versa. Personally, I have no regrets being a woman. I thank God for making me a woman, because I understand His divine purpose for my life.

    God’s Word says: Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered (1 Peter 3:7). The Bible admonishes that men are to treat women with sensitivity and consideration. If they don’t, their prayers could be hindered. Some men think that they can just slap and beat up their wives, and then go to church as if nothing had happened. Some men think they can do something to hurt their wives, and go ahead and become a pastor or deacon in the church. God isn’t listening to their prayers.

    Let’s briefly examine two major characteristics of your personality:

    A Crown Of Creation

    God’s Word likens the woman to a crown (Proverbs 12:4). A crown is an ornament of beauty, circular, and worn on the head of royalty. A woman is a crown of God’s creation, and the crown of her husband. The woman is a crown of creation, because it was after God created her that He ended His work. So, she crowned up the creation process. No normal person puts a crown under his feet or wears it on the feet as shoes. Crowns are meant to be on the head. Woman, don’t you ever look down on yourself, because you are a special person.

    A Peculiar Being

    God has not called you common, but peculiar (1 Peter 2:9). Some women see themselves as common. They allow certain physical conditions, such as their educational background, beauty, etc, to determine how they rate themselves. Aren’t you glad God recognizes you? It is time to see yourself as God sees you. He sees you as peculiar, and that is what you are! He also calls you a chosen generation, a royal priesthood and a holy nation.

    God is looking for virtuous women this end time, women of honour, women of dignity, women of noble character and women who can show others the way to go. God’s Word says: Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies (Proverbs 31:10). Are you a virtuous woman? You are meant to be virtuous, a person that others will see and like to emulate.

    Apart from being a virtuous woman, God expects you as a woman to be a good wife to your husband. Be a help to him, a plus not a minus, an addition not a subtraction. You have to make life more comfortable for your husband and family entirely. Let your husband be able to remember you and say, “I thank God for my wife”. Make your children to always be glad whenever they remember home. Don’t let it be that whenever they remember you, they hiss. Be a good wife.

    God’s Word says: Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord (Proverbs 18:22). Let your husband know that he has found a good thing by marrying you. God’s purpose of making a woman is to make life comfortable for the man (Genesis 2:18).

    The question is, what do you call yourself? No matter how people may perceive you, always call yourself what God has called you. God says you are unique in a class of your own – peculiar. So, you need to agree with Him. It is time to get excited, happy and joyful, because you occupy an enviable position in God’s agenda. You are special, not ordinary, a crown of glory, not a crown of thorns, a vessel of mercy, not of destruction. So, rejoice!

    For you to demonstrate your uniqueness, you need to identify yourself with God. You need to come out of darkness to show forth His marvellous light. In case you have not surrendered your life to the Lord Jesus Christ, this is an opportunity to do so. You can say this prayer of faith: Dear Lord, I come to You today. I am a sinner. Forgive me my sins.  Cleanse me with Your precious Blood. I accept You as my Lord and Saviour.  Now I know I am born again!

    Congratulations! Till I come your way again next week, call or write, and share your testimonies with me through: E-mail: faithdavid@yahoo.com Tel. No: 234-1-7747546-8; 07026385437, 07094254102

     For more insight, these books authored by me are available at the Dominion Bookstores in all the Living Faith Churches, and other leading Christian bookstores: Single With A Difference, Make Life Count and Marriage Covenant.

  • My dad thinks I’m a failure; is there anyone out there who can help me?

    Dear Aunty Adeola, I don’t know if I can confide in you to help me. My name is Innocent, and a boy of 20. I live with my parents. I completed my secondary education in 2009 with the hope of gaining admission into the university but unfortunately I didn’t pass my WAEC examination and the NECO was seized so I hoped to re-sit these exams but my trouble is that my dad hates me and refuses to take responsibility for me. He thinks I am a failure, but I am not. I felt rejected then I decided to help myself by trying to learn a vocation (plumbing) so I could help fund my education in the future but my dad frustrated those my efforts by telling the man that I wanted to learn the vocation from that I am useless and that I can never be useful, so he should forget about me. I cried bitterly and helplessly but to no avail even my mum couldn’t help me because she is just a petty trader. Please is there a way you can help me.

    My dear, I sincerely sympathize with you over your current travails. I can assure you that with time, these problems will go away and you will have a new lease of life. Maybe if you had been more serious with your studies, you would have passed. Failing both WAEC and NECO shows some level of unseriousness on your part and I can understand your dad’s anger especially if he had high hopes of you. Your dad might have dreamt of you becoming the beacon of hope in the family but instead of steadily moving towards his dream, you failed. I pray he finds it easy to accept you back into his heart with love knowing that we all fail at some point in our lives.

    Let me ask you this; are you being paid as an apprentice with this plumber? If you honestly want to make money to be able to pick the pieces of your education together again, then being an apprentice without pay won’t work. You might have spent years following this man everywhere before realizing that you have wasted quality time. That is even if jobs come for him regularly enough for you to learn well.

    For now, you need a day job that will get you a regular income so you can register at an evening school and enter for the exams you wish to take.  At this stage, I appeal to all Nigerians who have the means to help this boy to come to his rescue and give him a job. He writes good English and I’m sure he can be a good office assistant. His telephone number is: 08137586780. Please call him. God bless you.

  • My cousin says my boyfriend has another girl

    I’m a regular reader of your column and I say kudos to you for your good works. Please help with this problem. I have a guy whom I love so much and we are dating but my cousin who is his friend keeps telling me that he’s dating someone else whom I know very well. I trust him and asked him about it and he said it isn’t true. He calls regularly despite the fact that I nag about this same issue. I have threatened to quit our relationship but he begs and I don’t know if he truly loves me or not.

    Hi. Have you sat down to consider what your cousin might be gaining for lying against your boyfriend who is his good friend? I doubt if he would have any reason for wanting to cause disunity between two people close to him – his cousin and his friend. If guys don’t see, they don’t talk. So it is up to you to decide now if you want to continue with a polygamous boyfriend or not. One thing is sure, with time, only one person will finally remain between you and this other girl. That is if he ends up marrying any of you.My warning:  Never fight over a guy. Leave if you can’t stay but don’t trade insults.

  • She insists we must see face-to-face before talking about marriage

    Ma. I’ve been in love with a girl for over a year without having facial encounter with the girl. I usually help her whenever she needs my help. When I tried to ask her about marriage, she said we need to see face-to-face before going into that. Please tell `me on how to present myself to the girl on our first day of encounter. – Mr. Ben.

      Dear Mr. Ben, were you indeed going to start talking about marriage without seeing the girl? She was right by saying you two must see each other first. Haba! How would you feel if you had started the whole process of marriage on phone and any of you found out that physically the other person was totally different from his/her dream partner?

    Yes, get ready to meet her and here are some tips to getting yourself ready: Make an effort to look nice, quality aftershaves, colognes and perfumes only please and do not over do things, give some thought to what you are going to talk about and what things you would like to avoid. For security reasons, tell a good friend where you are going and carry a cell phone.  Ensure your shoes are sparkling and that your belt, watch and wallet are nice. As you have been giving her money before now, do not try to give her more money, but you may take a gift like a scarf along. Good luck.

  • My girlfriend started bleeding after taking contraceptives

    My girlfriend started bleeding right from the day she took tablet after sex and she is still bleeding for the past four weeks after medical treatment. Please help me.

     Dear brother, I must start by saying that I’m not a medical doctor. I also seek guidance from medical practitioners like the rest of us do. Let me however attempt to answer your question here while urging you to go back to the hospital for a complete evaluation of your girlfriend’s problem.

    First of all, who prescribed the contraceptive she used? It is dangerous to assume that what works for Miss A might work for Miss B. Buying such seemingly harmless but delicate medication such as contraceptives needs proper prescription. Once you think you’re old enough for sex and are wise enough to consider taking contraceptives, you must visit the family planning clinic next to you. It costs much less than taking risks. You will find out that you are not the only one on your visit. Many people who want to play safe seek medical help first. You will also find out that not all kinds of birth control pills are appropriate for everyone. Your health care provider will ask about your medical history and any medications you take to determine which birth control pill is right for you. Your health care provider may discourage use of combination birth control pills if you are older than age 35, have poorly controlled high blood pressure, have a history of or current deep vein thrombosis or pulmonary embolism and other things would be put into consideration before you are given the right pills for you. You should know that her unusual bleeding could be caused by something serious especially if she has symptoms like abdominal pain or dizziness, especially since the bleeding has lasted more than a few days. Take her to see a doctor immediately. I wish you well.

  • …brick walls all the way

    The search for the relations of the suspected killers of Cynthia Osokogu, the 24-year-old daughter of a retired general and post-graduate student of Nasarawa State University has not been an easy one. Two of the suspected perpetrators of the act, Echezona Nwabufor (33) and Ezike Illechukwu Olisaeboka (23) had claimed that they were indigenes of Anambra State.

    In fact, Olisaeboka went to the extent of naming Agulu community in Anaocha Local Government Area of the state as his native town.

    The late Cynthia was allegedly murdered by the suspects on July 22, 2012 in a hotel located in Festac Town in Lagos. The suspect did not only mention the community as his place of birth, he also claimed to be an Accounting student of Anambra State University (ANSU). Investigations, however, revealed that his claims were mere conjectures.

    This reporter undertook the task of searching for the family of the suspect, but it was impossible to see anyone who could identify his family in the said community.

    Agulu is believed to be the second largest area in Anambra State, as it is made up of 20 villages. They include Nwanchi, Nneoha, Okpu, Amaezike, Odidama, Amoji, Isiamaigbo, Ukunu, Uhueme, Obe, Obeagu, Nkitaku and Okpu. Others are Okpu-ifite, Umubiala, Amatutu, Umunnowu, Ifite-ani, Umuowelle, Umuifite and Nneogidi.

    After going round the villages, the search further took the reporter to the other communities in the entire Anaocha Local Government Area, including Adazi-Ani, Adazi Nnukwu and Adazi-enu, among others, all to no avail.

    The reporter also visited Anambra State University campuses in Uli in Ihiala Local Government Area and Igbariam in Anambra East Council. But from the records presented to the reporter by the authorities of the school from the Accountancy Department to Marketing, there was no name that sounded like Ezike Olisaemeka .

    The search took the reporter beyond Anaocha LGA, but it was like swimming in the ocean.

    At the institution where the suspect claimed to be a student, the Public Relations Officer, Ntomchukwu Fidelis, said the young man must have mentioned the institution as a decoy against his hunters.

    Be that as it may, the search continues.

  • “I wash my wife’s pant, yet, she still flirts around—husband

    There was a mild drama at the Grade ‘A’ Customary Court, Agege, Lagos when a distraught respondent in a divorce suit opened up on how he had been washing his wife’s underwears in order to make her happy.

    In a suit filed by Mrs. Adesuwa Oluwadamilare asking for the dissolution of their twelve years marriage to Mr.Ibukun Oluwaddamilare, she alleged that her husband had subjected her to humiliation and constant beating for no just reason.

    she explained that the marriage had broken down irretrievably adding that her husband has refused to properly seek her hand in marriage.

    She also added that he is a threat to her life and that he beats her a lot. “I wanted him to go and seek my hand in marriage but he always deceives me that he will do it soon”.

    The respondent, however said he was not ready to leave his wife despite their differences.

    “ I don’t want to leave her but all I am asking for is another child from her. I wash her pants day by day but my dear wife has refused to show any sign of concern, instead she keeps late nights and goes out anytime she likes”.

    “Whenever she goes out to meet with a man she comes home wet and her pant stained and I would summon our children to come and see what she has done. “

    The petitioner however dsimissed the allegations as baseless saying. “ I am not a flirt and he has never washed my underwears. He is a complete lazy man. He tagged me as a prostitute in public and also said that my legs are shaking because of flirting around; he is a woman beater and drinks a lot. The most painful part is the way he goes about telling the children all sorts of dirty things”.

    The president of the court, Mr. Emmanuel Shokunle admonishes the feuding couple to involve their parents in amicable resolution of the matter.The case has been adjourned till October 22, 2012  for further hearing.

  • Nigeria remains South Africa’s tourism hub for West Africa

    South Africa has reiterated that Nigeria remains the hub of all its marketing activities in the West African sub-region.

    Phumi Dhlomo, South African Tourism Regional Director for Africa stated this at the annual SA Tourism West Africa Trade workshop held in Lagos last week.

    “Nigeria as a hub for South African Tourism marketing activities will cater for countries in the West African region, including Ghana which has been identified as a tactical market for SA Tourism marketing initiatives,” he saidd.

    Dhlomo explained that SA Tourism held the annual workshop in Nigeria because the country is a core source market for arrivals into South Africa from the West Africa sub-region and it presented the opportunity to share SA Tourism’s marketing and activation calendar for the year with the trade, consumers and the media.

    From January to December 2011, about 64, 402 Nigerians visited South Africa. The figure, compared to the 2010 Nigeria tourists arrivals for same period, represented 37.5 per cent increase.

    So far this year, there has been 21.4 per cent increase in Nigeria arrivals in South Africa from January to May 2012 compared to the same period in 2011.

    Over 150 West African trade partners from Nigeria and Ghana attended this year’s South African Tourism Trade workshop alongside South African product owners, including hoteliers, inbound tour operators, provincial tourism boards and airlines.