The archetype of traditional African society is one that supports communal living, respect for the elderly, marriage institution, especially family life, but that has since become eroded with the advent of western values and culture with all its limitations, warts and all!
The foregoing were experts’ views expressed at a public forum in Lagos, where they dissected the lingering challenges, problems militating against family life and offered practical suggestions on the way forward.
Speaking to a cross-section of participants at the 8th edition of the African Family Life Delegate Conference, a programme organised to commemorate the International Day of the Family by the Institute of Family of Engineering and Development, they observed that there was a need for sober reflection and soul-searching by all if Nigerians, nay Africans desire to turn the tide in the quest to change the narrative around family disintegration.
Firing the first salvo, Professor Ngozi Osarenren, a professor of Counselling at the Faculty of Education, University of Lagos, while interrogating the theme of this year’s celebration, ‘Embracing Diversity, Strengthening Families,’ said there is need to harness family solutions to resolve the crisis bedeviling the society.
Waxing philosophical, the one-time Commissioner of Education in Edo State said there is need for a paradigm shift in behaviour.
“We learn behaviour to unlearn it and you have to make a deliberate attempt at unlearning it. You have to first of all talk to yourself.”
The family, she said, mirrors the society and speaks to the issues playing out, hence the need for self-evaluation by all and sundry.
“Good is good and bad is bad; there are no two ways about it. There is no shade of bad and shade of good. No. it’s either good or it is not. It’s a question of gradually telling ourselves that we have missed the road, so let’s retrace our steps. It’s just like you are driving to a place and you missed the road to your destination. All you do is to turn around,” she said.
Expatiating, she said, “But for a better society, all our cultural diversities should be harmonised. All the cultural divides should be closed. My final thoughts: we should embrace, accept and celebrate our uniqueness, especially the uniqueness of the African person. We should celebrate it and by celebrating it, we will end up having a global impact and collaboration everywhere. We have the capacity, we can do it. We can do it, it’s talking to ourselves.”
Also speaking at the event, tech entrepreneur Iyinoluwa Aboyeji, who discussed the pathway to exporting African traditions to the rest of the world, said at the root of the endemic problem of poverty in African societies is the pursuance individuality rather than generational solidarity.
“To unlock poverty, it is not going to come from the government, it is going to happen through the coming together of families to build enduring legacies and businesses. If we don’t work together, we won’t overcome poverty. Education and productivity are key factors.
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Speaking on the sidelines of the conference, Praise Fowowe, the organiser, said he was inspired to carry on the onerous task of marking the International Day of the Family because there was a yawning gap.
The international family life strategist, advisor, life coach and crisis manager, and founder, Institute of Family Engineering and Development, said this year’s edition had about 1, 780 delegates in a hybrid conference drawn from various sectors with focus on different family life issues as they affect the continent and proffer workable solutions that can chart a new path towards a developed continent of Africa.
Fowowe who has over 24 years post-qualification experience in business and advocacy, said he is driven purely by altruistic, hence he has had no qualms at all trudging on despite challenges of getting sponsorship for the annual event.
“For me, it’s the impact and we hear people say it all the time when they come and they come here to share a lot of testimonies. For me, that’s fulfillment because if we don’t do it, who will do it. We are doing what we have to do because we have to do it. We have the Institute of Family and Engineering so basically, part of the returns we get is what we put in there and we have practitioners of family life and when they come together some of them will drop their little widow’s mite. So it’s self-funded,” he said matter-of-factly.
While reiterating the need for families to imbibe values of integrity, honesty and love, Fowowe, said these virtues are time-tested principles which the pristine African societies were known for.
“When I was growing up you dared not steal and nobody would clap for you if you stole. Now, people steal and people go on and say he is our thief, no don’t persecute him it’s because when your man was there he was chopping and now it’s our turn to chop and things like that. Honesty, love for our people, these are critical values.”
The government, he stressed, must begin to pass the right policies in place. “I hope that the state governments will set up the Ministry of Family Affairs, what we have right now is the Ministry of Women and Affairs and Youths. It is just scattered and so when you disintegrate family at policy level how are you going to build an effective family? So, we need to get to that point where we have a Ministry of Family Affairs, where we can now decide what the Nigeria family should be like? What should be the values? And that’s why I have been preaching over the years. Once we have this integration, we will be able to raise our children proudly. We will account for every child and every family and provide support for them ultimately.”
