The emotional space is as competitive as any business environment you can imagine. Faced with that reality it is always better to make sure that the one that you are attracted to gets value for the emotions that they would be given to you. You just have to put yourself constantly in your partner’s shoes to appreciate what you do or leave undone.
Conversely, accepting a situation that is anything other than what you truly want in a relationship will not only make you unhappy, it will also keep you tied to someone who is not right for you. So really ask yourself what kind of relationship you want before you become involved with a man and the chemistry starts to cloud your vision.
Adunni and Tolu had courted for about seven months and they got along pretty well. During this period the two lovebirds discovered some of the things they shared in common and hoped that the relationship was going to lead them to the altar. Just when Adunni thought she had found the man of her dream man, the dream was aborted.
How did things fall apart you ask? A few weeks before the discovery, Adunni paid Tolu a surprise visit to the office. That was in order, it sometimes gives you direction and you would find out if you are on the right emotional track or not.
How did the bubble burst? Our dear friend who was still daydreaming about emotional adventure ran into another ‘competitor who surprisingly had won the emotional crown. “I found them together in a very uncompromising way and I began to ask some questions”.
So did she get answers to these questions? Not really. “Tolu simply introduced the lady as his fiancée.” No apologies! For a few seconds, she felt as if her heart had stopped. This relationship had caused her so much harm in the past and this certainly was the last straw. Gradually she gained composure, got her car keys, ran out of the office, and sat inside the car for a few minutes.
It was very cold and she was lonely and alone. All kinds of things started riveting on her mind. Cars were revving as everyone was in a hurry to get out of the car park and then she finally found her way out of the mess (physical and emotional)
Like Adunni, Nnamdi is in a deep emotional mess. He was supposed to meet his fiancée, Matilda in the restaurant at 5 pm. The traffic was really bad and somehow he was a little late. He finally found his way into the restaurant panting and almost breathless. A few seconds after he felt better and looked for her in their usual corner.
To his surprise, she wasn’t around. That was quite unlike her and he decided to call her on the phone. The line was dead and so he decided to wait for his sweetheart.
With his laptop opened in front of him, he happily slipped into a happy reverie of all their moments. The things they had shared. The words she had said, he had turned out to be quite the poet.
In those few minutes, he tried to work on some of the pending emails in his inbox. Here he found a note from his beloved, Matilda. “I can’t make it as promised. I am a bit confused about this relationship. Please I need some time to think about it all. Sorry for whatever inconveniences this might cause you”.
At this point, he knew that something new must have happened; after all, they spoke about an hour ago. So where do we go from here? Should he really give her another chance or start thinking of a plan B?
It is important to know how to interpret your partner’s mood from time to time. Usually, when a man or woman acts withdrawn, that is a signal that the person is undergoing an emotional process and needs time to recharge.
Women tend to think that if things are going well with a guy, that he will naturally want to move things forward to the next level. They’ll just assume this even when the guy has never talked about the future.
Things will be coasting along, and suddenly the guy will change gears, she’ll find out he’s dating other women, or he doesn’t make plans with her every weekend, and she’s left wondering what the heck happened.
The answer is that the woman created all these expectations about what the relationship was supposed to look like and how he was supposed to behave, and when he fell short of that, she became disappointed and unfulfilled. This usually winds up in a confrontation that causes tension and maybe even creates more distance.
When the emotional matter is more than a fling, then you would discover that it can be very devastating to handle. So the next question is how you survive during the hurting period. The crux of the matter is that it can be really tough but you just have to be determined to move on and create a better emotional space for the future.
Christians from different denominations have gathered to celebrate the Christmas season with prayers for the success of President Bola Tinubu‘s administration.
The Annual Christmas Carol tagged: Created to Manifest His Glory, taken from Mathew 5: 15, was organised by Asiwaju Project Beyond 2023 and held recently in Ikeja Lagos.
It featured top gospel artists who thrilled the people with melodious songs in praise to God to celebrate the Christmas season.
Some of the artists include Evangelist Esther Igbekele, Evangelist Segun Ajidara, Omotola Jaiyeola, popularly known as Gberra, and a host of others.
Speaking at the event, The National Women Leader of Asiwaju Project Beyond 2023, Mrs. Toyin Aroyewun, said that the carol was aimed at appreciating God for the success of the 2023 elections that led to the emergence of President Tinubu and also to commit him to God’s hand that his administration will succeed and Nigerians will be happy again.
She said that 2023 was like a woman who was labouring, noting that the New Year 2024 will bring forth great tidings, ease, and abundant blessings from God for Nigeria.
In his words, the Caretaker Committee Chairman of Asiwaju Project 2023, Lagos State, Hon Lanre OLaide said that they gathered to celebrate “our leader and mentor, President Bola Tinubu who God has destined to be the President of this country and we are also offering praises to God to celebrate the season.”
Olaide, the convener of the Christmas Carol said that in 2022, the group engaged in ceaseless prayers to God for President Tinubu to win the 2023 election, God answered our prayers. We are not resting on our oars but we are committing his administration to God’s hand that God will perfect everything that concerns him.
He posited further that the group will embark on numerous humanitarian gestures to alleviate the suffering of vulnerable and hapless Nigerians at this Christmas season, appealing to Nigerians to be patient with the present administration as we will soon experience a sign of relief.
“President Bola Tinubu has a lofty agenda that will help to address numerous challenges facing the country. I believe that as he rolls them out, things will normalise and we will all smile again”, he said.
It was a season of joy and excitement for over 50 families when the Prison Fellowship Nigeria, Lagos State Chapter supported by The Apostolic Church Nigeria, LAWNA organised a Christmas party for the children and spouses of inmates.
The event was held recently at The Apostolic Church Nigeria, LAWNA International Convention Ground. Food items, clothing money, and educational materials were shared to the admiration of the families of persons in incarceration.
Chairman, Prison Fellowship Nigeria, Lagos chapter, Michael Adeyemo explained that the annual programme themed “Angel Tree 2023″ was a time to show love to vulnerable children, especially those whose parents were not present to provide for the children during the Yuletide because they were in prison.
He explained that the children from both Muslim and Christian homes were reached through their parents’ consent.
Adeyemo stated: “There is a consent form each of them has to fill to indicate their interest. This outreach is done across the country.”
A Girl-child advocate, Newspaper Columnist, and Founder/Headgirl of The Girls Apostolic Ministry of All Nations popularly known as the “Apostle of Chastity”, Evangelist Temilolu Okeowo, hosted all and sundry to “When Virgins Sing” 2023- a Concert Ministration and Healthy Music Competition in commemoration of her father, Late Sir Victor Taiwo Okeowo (KCW)’s 20th-year remembrance at Hoare’s Memorial Methodist Cathedral Yaba, Lagos.
Late Sir Victor Taiwo Okeowo (KCW), in his lifetime was a Real Estate Magnate, Industrialist & Construction Giant. He was the CEO of Metal Construction West Africa Ltd & Manna Real Estate Ltd. Also a Philanthropist, he was a Choirmaster Emeritus of Methodist Church Nigeria, Palm Avenue for 27 years. Aside from ensuring his local church had an excellent choir, hiring professional organists and paying their salaries from his pocket, and buying musical instruments and world-class organs and choir robes from time to time, he also in his magnanimity gave scholarships to choristers to both Nigerian and foreign institutions and generally made life better for everyone who came around him and served God with all he had.
Amongst the dignitaries present were the Prelate Emeritus and Prelate Methodist Church Nigeria- Their Eminences, Dr. Sunday Ola Makinde and Dr. Oliver Aba who was the Chairman of the August event. In his speech, he eulogized the late Sir Victor Taiwo Okeowo (KCW) for his laudable works in Methodist Church Nigeria and the wonderful legacies he left behind. He also applauded Evangelist Temilolu Okeowo for her timely ministry needed in a highly depraved world like this and encouraged her not to give up on her mission on earth.
Evangelist Temilolu Okeowo took the audience down memory lane revealing how her late father laid the foundation for her ministry by raising her in purity and holiness, ensuring he kept an eye on all his children and fiercely protected his daughters from guys as much as he could.
The Synagogue Church of All Nations (SCOAN) last Sunday held its second thanksgiving service following the commencement of the church operations after its founder, Prophet TB Joshua‘s passing.
The highly colourful event was a full house, as the church auditorium in Ikotun and its extensions were characteristically filled to the brim, with worshippers from across the country, Africa, and beyond.
Anchored by Chioma and KC Brown as MCs, activities of the day included praise songs by the church choir, music by guest artist Christiana Shasho from Tanzania, Akintayo Akinwande, Nancy Amanco from the Dominican Republic, and dance drama by Group for Christ.
Recounting the journey in the last two years, SCOAN leader, Pastor Mrs Evelyn Joshua gave thanks to God for the strength to soldier on after her husband’s ascension and for preserving and even expanding the church.
Eulogising the late founder of the church, KC Brown challenged all who claimed T B Joshua’s achievement was a fluke to achieve half of what he achieved in such a short time.
According to him, none of those who tried to undermine his great work fulfilled the scripture as he did.
“The bible said we will lend to nations; which was what Prophet TB Joshua did all his life,” he said.
Of the woman of God who has inherited the pastoring of the church, KC Brown said, “It will be an error if we do not celebrate the person on whom the mantle is resting today,” stating that she has more than stood up to the test.
The church also took time out to regale the congregation with the evangelism journey so far since the commencement of service two years in two tranches of video reports.
Most notable was the dedication of the first-ever SCOAN branch in Akure, Ondo State, which was graced by the deputy governor of the State, Mr Lucky Ayedatiwa.
The reports also captured the church’s continuation of its founder’s giving legacy, starting with its donation of 10,000 pounds to families of victims/survivors of the Turkey earthquake earlier in the year.
This was followed by interventions in Malawi, where about 200 people lost their lives to Tropical Cyclone Freddy; and as far as Bolivia, Canada, UK, and Zambia, to mention a few.
As the year winds down in a couple of weeks, church founders and men of faith have impressed on other leaders in the Lord’s Vineyard and other stakeholders in the media the need to place more emphasis on sound moral teachings that will promote sustainable peace and development in the nation, reports ADEOLA OGUNLADE.
Elections are very important to Nigerians today. Nigerians are being more active and involved in the process of choosing leaders to that point of leadership because of the state of the economy and security,” Senior Pastor, of the Foundation of Truth Assembly (FOTA), Yomi Kasali said during the end-of-year forum of the Association of Christian Correspondents of Nigeria (ACCoN), held recently at the Vineyard Christian Ministry, Lagos.
Speaking on the theme tagged: ‘Sustaining Peace and Unity in Nigeria in the Post-Election Era: Role of the Church and the Media,’ Kasali said that in the last 24 years, Nigeria has witnessed successive transitions of government from one administration to another, noting that not much can be said about the electoral process both at the state and federal levels.
According to him, the parlous state of the economy and the issue of insecurity have been the two major factors that stimulate the interest of Nigerians in arriving at their electoral choices.
Both the church and the media have roles to play in the pre and post-election processes.
Kasali calls for more patriots, not politicians
While commenting on how to get Nigeria working again after the strained socio-political atmosphere on the back of the 2023 general elections, Kasali said that Nigeria needs patriots and not politicians. According to him, patriots build a nation not politicians.
“Nigeria in post-election needs moral leaders. This country needs two things for our nation to get better – first Nigeria needs moral leaders; second, Nigeria needs patriots,” Kasali stressed.
“Nigeria will not get better by looking to politicians for solutions to national issues; rather she must look for patriots who are detribalised, with some sense of moral uprightness. “Politicians know we have been bought over – what I am simply saying is that we are all involved. We lack moral leaders in Nigeria,” he said.
He is of the view that people can effect change, especially for the cause of the people without holding political offices. “Christian journalists must become moral leaders. When we have patriots in politics, it’s better. But, when we have politicians forming patriots, it’s terrible. Because politicians build parties for themselves; patriots build nations – that is why it’s easier for patriots to work with the winning side even when they lose,” Kasali said.
Church as a change agent
Kasali disclosed that about 12 years ago while he was working on a project tagged, ‘Church for change’, he discovered that Nigeria had less than 1, 800 active politicians in electoral (political) offices both at the state and federal levels.
The idea of the project, he recalled, was to leverage the church as a moral agent to drive change in the polity. “1, 800 people should not hold 200 million Nigerians to ransom,” he lamented. Less than 2000 people should not carry the responsibilities and the future of the entire nation on their shoulders, he reiterated.
He disclosed that the plan behind the project then was to meet with about 1000 politicians holding political offices as ‘Church for Change’ and as Christians to speak directly as moral institutions, leveraging moral and persuasive force for social transformation.
The church for Change project was birthed by the need to create a progressive change agenda that people can see and measure tangibly.
“Some of us run churches with 8000 members – if you look at 2000 people, we should be able to communicate, speak to these 2000 people. Those that you and I put into offices vote through the ballot boxes to run the affairs of the state and federal government,” Kasali noted.
The church, he emphasised, is a moral institution that must speak truth to power and must be non-partisan. Noting that the church is not a business enterprise hence the need to maintain its non-partisanship by avoiding using the pulpit for partisan politics.
The Ark of Nigeria will rest on solid rock – Archbishop Ojo
The Presiding Archbishop of Calvary Kingdom Church (CKC), Joseph Ojo, took his lessons from Genesis, stating that “The ark rested on the seventh month; on the seventh day of the seventh month upon Mount Ararat.”
According to him, the President Bola Tinubu-administration will be celebrating seven months in office by December 29 he therefore prayed that the ark of Nigeria would begin to rest on the solid rock. According to him, the foundation of the current administration will be solid enough to withstand all the political floods ahead of it, and it will not get carried away by the floods.
Ojo, who was represented by Best Ojo, the National Overseer of CKC, said that God is raising men in journalism, in the church that will always come with the olive leaf. “The dove signifies the Holy Spirit, and the olive leaf signifies the truth. The truth is that our waters will abate in this country,” he said.
The church has a critical role to play in Nigeria’s socio-political and socio-economic narrative. He said that the church must appear to be blameless in all circumstances and that church leaders and journalists will be blameless in carrying out their day-to-day activities.
Rhoda Jatau: It’s wrong to beg govt – Bishop Robertson Akwazi, former PFN chairman, Bauchi
According to him, the question left for the Nigerian state to answer is about what happened to the perpetrators of the Sokoto killing; and if the question is left unanswered, it means there is a problem in Nigeria.
He said further that Rhoda Jatau was not meant to have been jailed, and that whoever jailed her should have been the first person CAN should have gone after to ensure that justice is served. “And, if that is not done it means we are just hypocrites.”
According to him, Jatau was bold enough to speak up when Christian leaders in the country were afraid to speak.
“Are you saying that as Christians in Nigeria, we can no longer cry out for injustice?”
Was she wrong to have asked why a young girl would be murdered for a crime she never did?
We must have the mind of Christ as a church-Adetoyese-Olagunju
The Senior Pastor of Praise Arena-Kingdom Light Christian Centre, Dr. Jummy Adetoyese-Olagunju, charged the church to have the mind of Christ in any situation and circumstances and should live above the standard of the world.
He noted that as the light of the world, we are to make a difference in society. Be the light to the world.
He said “As stated in Matt 5:14-16 “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.”
Adetoyese-Olagunju cited Myke Murdock saying it takes knowing Jesus for you to be saved but it takes knowing the principles of Jesus for you to succeed in life.
“Therefore we as followers of Christ should be guided and controlled by the principles of Jesus we are following; His ways should become our way and his instructions become our foundation”, he said.
He advised the church that the church should rediscover and focus on its purpose concerning the Kingdom assignment, adding that the Church should champion the move to institutionalise the right values in the educational system without sounding religious.
He charged the Christian media practitioners to rediscover and focus on their purpose as Light to the World.
Itoro Okopide is into real estate, finance, and investment as well as the founder of Bond Hair. In this interview with Yetunde Oladeinde, she takes you into her world, experience in real estate, finance, and investment as well as life as the founder of Bond Hair. She also talks about her experience working at the Lagos House of Assembly, memorable moments, and how her father, a journalist, inspired and motivated her.
What inspired you to go into the beauty sector?
It was the need to be and feel different. I wanted to stand out. When I was growing up I had a mother that was very particular about things. My mother reminds you that you have to stay beautiful; you have to check your weight and be organised. All that she stressed are things that will make you a beautiful woman. You have to eat well, diet, and exercise.
She is a retired banker, very fit and she works out four times a week for one hour. She is trimmer than I am and she has always wanted that for us. I have three other siblings, three girls and a boy. My dad was the Manager, Public Relations, the National Fertilizer Company of Nigeria. Just before that, he worked at Chronicle Newspaper as a journalist and interviewed many people like Chief Obafemi Awolowo. He told me then that there were three professions in the world, Journalism, Public Relations, and Law.
How did he inspire the things that you do?
He inspired me to chase the career that I have now. I also intend to do a Masters in Journalism. I have a passion for it. When I was small I used to help him read his scripts and he would ask me different questions about it.
What were you doing before this?
I studied English and Literary Studies at the University of Uyo. When I left school, I did my Youth Service at the Lagos State House of Assembly and worked with the Deputy Speaker, Wasiu Eshinlokun.
What was the experience working at the Assembly?
It was a different experience and I was just starting life then. I learned a little about politics and Lagos State. I remember that his PA then was always encouraging me to read about different constituencies, LCDA’s, and all that.
Does politics look like something you are interested in for the future?
No. I am not just cut out for that. It is not a thing of passion or interest. Politics has never been there for me.
What did you do after that?
From the House of Assembly, I pursued a professional degree in Public Relations and then I worked in a PR firm. I also did a short course in journalism at NIJ and then I worked in a travel company as a reviewer. Then, I would go to the best restaurant and do a review. Right now, I am in the Finance sector at Coronation Group. It is a financial firm and we do asset management, merchant bank, and registrars.
Tell us about your experience in the hair sector.
It is an interest as well as a passion. I like to look good all the time, even when I get to the office at 6 am, I am made up. So, I had to learn how to make up for myself to always look good.
Why did you choose the word bond for your brand?
You are supposed to have a bond with your hair. It is personal like a relationship. You have to love it, take care of it, and nurture it. So far, my experience has been good and I am working with a great team and the best manufacturers in India. India is the origin of good hair. A country where the term raw and single donor came from. My experience in the sector has been unique and the quality and supply chain is reliable. I also have some international clients and those who appreciate and value our product. We started just before COVID in 2019 as a luxury hair brand to provide women with a product that, in its raw form, creates an unforgettable impression on me and some
What are your inputs to the collection?
We are creating different designs, artistic designs, several textures, and mixed textures. You can also request your design and it comes in different colours.
What makes yours different from others?
The styles of the weaves and bundles are very different. It is something that has not been used here. I am also working with my models for shoots and marketing purposes.
What challenges do you see for the future?
I would constantly innovate. Also, we have to research to find out market needs. We have a strategy and research analyst with the team that would be working closely with us.
The year is wrapping up, what were some of the high points for you?
I traveled extensively this year for projects. I also have an interest in housing. I love beautiful houses and decided to partner with an agency, Africa Real Estate International. We traveled recently to host a Summit. Then I went to Europe on a Cruise, I went to five countries and now I am launching my bond. So, it has been a good year.
The foreign exchange rate has been a challenge. What has been your experience?
It has affected a lot of business. Initially, when I placed my orders it was the same exchange rate. But, luckily I have built a relationship in the business and they can easily wave some cost for me. That has helped, they are very empathetic and they understand what is happening.
Do you have people that you are mentoring?
The idea of going to study Journalism was to become a humanitarian journalist. I also took courses from the Nigerian Leadership Academy. I also intend to pursue an advanced degree related to social work because my mum has a keen interest in helping children. She is devoted to helping children go to school. So, she has committed her time to this, even though she hasn’t registered the foundation. I would be supporting her with this as it expands.
Lagos State Commissioner for Waterfront Infrastructure Development, Yacoob Ekundayo Alebiosu, in this interview with OYEBOLA OWOLABI, warns against indiscriminate dredging of Lagos waterways and illegal reclamation of land along waterfront corridors, insisting that these must stop, else Lagos tastes the bitter side of Dubai.
The government has been trying to flush out illegal dredging operators. How do you intend to curb this menace?
The state has laws which stipulate functions and duties over reclamation, dredging and other things. Illegal dredging affects our lives in different ways; it affects our economy. Gambia has a population of about 2.1 million, but they receive about 300,000 foreigners per annum. Why? Because they have clean waters. Anywhere you have clean waters, people will always go there but, unfortunately, indiscriminate dredging is the reason we have dirty waters here. This of course affects our outlook and how people choose to come here. If you would spread the 300,000 that visits Gambia annually, that is about 20,000 foreigners monthly. Now picture how it affects our economy, even among the local traders; the woman selling roasted plantain, the lady selling akara, bread and things like that.
Are you then saying dredging operation and operators should be regulated?
One of the things that really scares me, and that gives me a lot of concern is the Dubai experience. After Dubai reclaimed all its islands, it ran out of sand. Dubai and in fact most of the Arab nations, now import sand from Australia. You can imagine the cost. God forbid. But, of course, there’s a possibility of that happening here too if it is not controlled.
Some would tell you dredging is Lagos and Lagos is dredging. In some areas like Ojo, that is their traditional job, and they are already passing it to their children. How much of this sand dredging would affect the environment, how bad can it be? And would stopping it not deprive people of employment?
I am not saying we won’t dredge because we can’t survive without dredging, but it must be controlled. If it’s not controlled, it becomes a mess. I’d give you an example of how it affects every day households. Dredging is basically sucking sand from water, and that is where you have micro-organisms. These micro-organisms serve as food for fish. Every time you disturb the water, you mess up the food for fish, and mess up their habitat. The fishes thus have to go further to look for food. And the further you go, the more tedious and expensive it is to harvest the fish. The effect of this is that the fish that should cost N500 will now sell for N5,000. And I think the traditional dredgers who use baskets, like their forefathers did, should be protected, just like the Native Indians are protected in America. They are not the problems, the problem is those who dredge indiscriminately at alarming rates and then reclaim. The sands dredged are used for two reasons. The first is to reclaim land which is also done illegally, and it affects the alignment of the state, and the second is they reclaim to stockpile.
But how are they able to dredge indiscriminately without government’s knowledge?
Well, every community is aware. They see them but are afraid to talk because they are also members of the community. But, of course, there are several cases in court. There was the High Court judgment which went in favour of NIWA, and then the Appeal Court judgment in favour of the Lagos State government, saying that states are allowed to regulate their waters. NIWA approached the Supreme Court for interpretation. Regardless, we as a government need to know the amount of sand that is pumped from our waters. Again, how many beaches do we see right now, because every time you dredge, you’re taking out sand, and nature has a way it works. What happens is that it compensates for what’s been taken out. Nature sends out water to reclaim sand, and where’s the first place the water goes? The beach! The beach mops up the sand and brings it in. When all that is done, it leads to erosion.
What are plans to sensitise people on the negative effects of dredging?
The journey of a thousand miles starts with a step. We’re also reviewing our policies because it is important for us to know the amount of sand that’s being dredged. In the past, we gave licenses and permits for dredging. When you’re licensed, it says you can dredge but then we would have to control the quantity you dredge which means we have to keep an eye on the amount dredged. To answer your question, yes, we’re working on that.
What are plans to improve our waterfronts and make it more attractive?
We have a lot of ministries coming together on that, like Physical Planning, Environment, Transport, Survey, Lands, etc. When people apply for reclamation, we make sure it is not sent for approval until we get their Environmental Impact Assessment (EIA) report, Traffic Impact Assessment (TIA) and Drainage report. We don’t proceed on approvals until we get those things. One thing I am happy Physical Planning does is, if you reclaim, there’s no way you’re going to build on it, Physical Planning will not process your planning approval until they get clearance from us. And, of course, you have to get approval before you reclaim. Indiscriminate dredging goes hand in hand with indiscriminate reclamation because when you reclaim illegally, it affects the coastal lines. We had a meeting recently with some MDAs, where we all agreed there’s need to redefine an alignment so that we’re able to effectively monitor. Just like blood diamond, there’s need to monitor sand from when it is dredged to when it gets to the end user.
Do we even export sand?
Not that I’m aware of at the moment. But I can tell you that sand is the second most sought after natural resource after water. It’s used for a lot of things, especially in building, construction, and so on. So we must control and regulate the sector to avoid the Dubai experience.
While the japa trend continues to rage, creating anxiety in the country, especially among skilled labour employers and citizens genuinely concerned about the future of the country, the recent murder case involving a Nigerian couple in the United Kingdom and other unsavoury cases has brought to the fore the not so good side of the trend. GBOYEGA ALAKA explores.
The word for it today in Nigeria is ‘japa‘. That is the current trend of Nigerians finding their way out of the country, purportedly for greener pasture- by virtually any means. Usually their destinations are any of the first world European countries, the USA, Canada; and the not so first world European countries, like Malta, Romania, Greece; anywhere but Nigeria. Many young people actually think it’s a new trend because that’s the much their memory serves them and because they gave it that local nomenclature.
But for those above 45, 50 years of age, the trend dates back to the early 1980s, after things went awry at the hands of the Shehu Shagari-led civilian administration and the military took over in a purported effort to rescue. Things, however, got to a head under the succeeding Buhari/Idiagbon and later Babangida junta, that the young and the middle-aged people started exiting the country in droves. It got so bad that the Babangida regime under its MAMSER (Mass Mobilisation for Self Reliance) programme had to sponsor a television campaign tagged ‘Andrew no check out,’ played by the then popular actor, Enebeli Elebuwa, now of blessed memory, to reorientate the people and stem the alarming trend.
While there may have been a brief lull in the trend for about two decades, it seemed to have picked up again in the last decade or so, especially among the younger generations.
Macrotrends.net magazine, the premier research platform for long term investors put Nigeria’s migration rate in 2023 at -0.273 per 1000 population. Even though this is a 2.5% decline from that of the year 2022 of -0.280 per 1000, it is nevertheless significant. Besides, the reduction is by no means due to a lack of interest but more because of a lack of means.
Literally, a huge chunk of Nigerian youths and middle age people want to travel, as they feel frustrated with a system that they consider frustrating and limiting their potentials. Some get so desperate that they sell off all they’ve worked for just to get a passage to their perceived El Dorado countries; while some go through irregular routes, endangering their lives and sometimes perishing in the desert, in the Mediterranean Sea or even ending up as modern day slaves or worse, as sex slaves.
Literally, they’d give anything to be out of Nigeria.
But beyond these are other issues ranging from disappointment, to loneliness, troubled/ruined marriages, even spousal murders, like the one that broke in the United Kingdom penultimate week.
Murder in Suffolk
On Tuesday, November 28, David Abodunde, a Nigerian migrant allegedly strangled and killed his wife, Taiwo Owoeye, a former ophthalmic nurse at the Lagos State University Teaching Hospital at their Suffolk home.
Interestingly, the mother of three, according to the police, had reported a case of assault by her husband to the police a day before.
The police, paying a routine check, had found Owoeye’s lifeless body in the living room of their home; while the husband who was also inside the apartment was arrested.
Her death prompted many observers to question the essence of the relocation, especially since Abodunde only joined Owoeye early this year.
Owoeye, had on agreement with her hubby, gone ahead in 2022, ostensibly to settle down and pave way for Abodunde.
Following the unfortunate incident, the couple’s three children have been taken into the protective custody of the UK social services.
As it stands, no concrete reason has been given for the unfortunate incident, save ‘tale of marital discord, domestic turbulence’, as told by the police; but a number of possibilities have been put forward in the public space – namely tendency to export the controlling culture of African husbands; wife’s insubordination or insistence on her rights as guaranteed by the UK law, which may be strange to the husband; possible allegations of infidelity; distrust- which of course could have led to the persistent domestic violence as acknowledged by the police.
The Owoeye murder was the second ‘çelebrated’ spousal murder involving Nigerian family migrants abroad in less than half a year.
In August 2023, a Nigerian man, Hassan Teddy Adeyemo was arrested for shooting and killing his wife, 43-year-old Nanchin Hassan Adeyemo in East Orange County, Florida, USA.
He was arrested on a first-degree murder charge by the police.
Although the Sheriff’s office didn’t release any additional details on the killing, it however said it was “domestic in nature.”
In another horrific domestic incident two years ago, a Nigerian man, Obinna Igbokwe, shot his wife and grandmother in Texas, USA, and thereafter, committed suicide by shooting himself, when he found that he had been cornered by the police.
Reports later confirmed the grandmother dead, while the wife was critically injured.
In an almost similar incident, another Nigerian man, Udoamaka Nwamu, 34, in June 2021, committed suicide after killing his estranged wife and mother-in-law in Douglas County, Georgia, USA.
According to the Douglas County Sheriff’s Office, Nwamu, who had just separated from his wife, Khaliya, shot his way into his in-laws’ home, killed his ex-wife and mother-in-law, and later took his own life.
The difference here is that the in-laws were not Nigerian.
Lonely… lonely abroadians
In a short social media video post, a Nigerian who neither identified himself nor showed his face, last year tried to convey the lonely life Nigerians and indeed Africans who reside abroad go through. The video, according to the male voice, showed a lonely and deserted town on a Christmas morning.
His motive was to intimate Nigerians with the life that awaited them if they chose to go live and work in Europe, going by the eagerness and desperation with which they chase migrating to those countries. He also spent time describing the extremely cold December weather and the fact that if Christmas, which is usually loud and bubbly in Nigeria, could be so quiet, with the streets so deserted, they should then imagine how lonely other days would be.
In a rather dramatic narrative, Mercy Item, a Nigerian broadcast journalist and radio news anchor based in Enugu literally corroborated the content of that post, when she narrated the extreme lonely life her friend who had relocated to the UK was living.
Even on her birthday, she narrated how her friend, Nnenna’s repeated responses of ‘I am tired’ got her worrying.
“Since Nnenna moved to the UK some months ago, I noticed her mood swings. Sometimes she’d be mirthfully bursting with energy, and then suddenly she would slump into a state of melancholy.
“… Within 12 minutes of our conversation, she had said, ‘I’m just really tired’ more times than I could count. Although I’ve heard such expressions of frustration and exhaustion repeatedly in our previous conversations during the past months, something was heart-wrenching about hearing her say it over and over again this time. Today of all days – her birthday!”
Similarly, a foremost Nigerian female makeup artist once lamented the huge burden going to put to bed in Europe and America could be.
Said the artist (name withheld): “It was a totally burdensome experience and I don’t wish to go through it again. Once you’re delivered of your baby, you’re on your own. You bath the baby; do the laundry and all other chores yourself. This is unlike the situation back in Nigeria, where the whole extended family are by your side, falling over themselves to help and ensure you don’t in any way go through any stress.”
Infidelity
A UK-based Nigerian in a recent social media post, warned Nigerian men who intend to migrate abroad (japa), not to send their wives ahead. “If you’re a man and you intend to japa to the United Kingdom, please do not send your wife ahead of you. I repeat, do not send your wife ahead. If you do, they will snatch her from you…”
Above is a modest translation, as the original form was a mixture of English and Yoruba, and a little too vulgar for this medium.
But his warning may have come too late for Karim, a Lagos-based engineer with a telecoms company, who, a few years ago, got the opportunity of a UK visa and propelled his young wife to go over ahead of him, while he served out the required number of years for proper exit gratuity in his company before joining her. If Karim imagined that he stood the chance of losing his wife to voracious UK men, he probably consoled himself that her seven-month pregnancy would ward them off. But he thought wrong, as his wife barely put to bed before she started dating another man and promptly sent him a message to get himself another wife in Nigeria.
Needless to say, this hit Karim so hard, as all his plans had centred on her and their child.
The biggest pain, Karim, confided in a friend, was the fact that another man became ‘father’ to his son.
Had he known, he lamented that he would never have sent her abroad.
In a video currently trending, a distraught Nigerian man could be seen filming his wife and his purported lover (both Nigerians) and asking the man in pidgin English that: ‘So you’re the one sleeping with my wife’? A long altercation ensued with both the purported lover and the wife trying to downplay the allegation and at the same time ward off the camera from their faces. But whether this one allegation was true or false, one clear fact, as testified by Nigerians in these countries, is that a lot of infidelities play out among women who live abroad in wait for their husband.
The same applies for men, who go ahead of their wives.
Disappointment
For many, it has been tales of disappointment, with some even packing their bags and heading back to Nigeria. Some, however, are too ashamed to head back, preferring to soldier on, albeit as destitute.
Just last week, the International organisation for Migration (IOM) advised intending migrants to be cautious of a syndicate that specialises in offering fake employment letters for non-existent jobs in the United Kingdom.
The United Nations agency disclosed that over 1000 Nigerians are currently stranded in the King Charles country, having got visas based on fake employment letters procured for them, only to get there and the organisations deny they issued such letters.
Speaking at a news conference in Abuja, the IOM Chief of Mission, Dr Laurent de Boeck said: “There are some of them who lost over $10,000 only to be given fake employment letters, which allowed them to get visas….”
An X user, Gbenga Samuel-Wemimo, once narrated the story of a thriving Abuja-based Nigerian man who at the persistence of his wife, sold off all they had to relocate to Canada.
This was a man, a civil engineer in his prime, 37, who had two houses, a huge supermarket and thriving construction business, wining and executing federal government contracts and money in the bank; could be said to be comfortable.
To boot, they had three healthy children – a perfect life, you may say.
But the wife felt they had seen it all in Nigeria and the lure of the North American country seemed overwhelming to her. Eventually, the man capitulated.
They sold all that they had, raised 100,000 dollars and relocated.
But Canada didn’t turn out the El-Dorado they imagined. They stayed in her sister’s house for a while, until they found an apartment of their own. It took four months for the wife to find a local supermarket job but almost forever for the husband, who wasn’t certified as an engineer to work in the country. Ultimately, he needed to undergo fresh training before he could be registered to work even as a skilled labourer on construction sites.
Not the spectacle he expected.
Things got so bad that the only option was for him to return to Nigeria, which he took after some honest counselling from his friend.
Eventually, he returned, with two of the kids, while the wife stayed back, and things gradually picked up for him again.
Akin to the above story would be that of an elderly man who had gone to have a haircut, as narrated by a Winnipeg, Manitoba-based barber.
“I once had an elderly Yoruba man who was crying while getting a haircut, and I had to ask him, ‘Kilo seyin sir? (What happened to you sir?) And he said he wasn’t happy the way he was being spoken to at work. He said he was already a boss of his own, with a driver and everything in place’.” So I had to play the role of a comforter by telling him, ‘Daddy, you don’t need to see it like that.”
Catholic Bishop Emeritus of Abuja, Cardinal John Onaiyekan, has tasked political leaders to rebuild the trust of youths in their fatherland through good leadership to secure the future of the country.
He made the call in an interview with newsmen on the sideline of Christmas Carol organised by Managing Director, Prezzo Shed Investments Limited, Mr Emmanuel Njoku, on Thursday night in Abuja.
The event tagged ‘Carol Night of Nine lessons and songs’, attracted the scintillating Abuja Choral Ensemble, clerics and other Nigerians from different background.
According to Onaiyekan, the youths have lost hope and trust in the country because of successive bad leadership at all levels.
He lamented that the youths frustration was demonstrated in their willingness to leave the country in their hordes to Europe and other parts of the world in search for a better life.
The former president of the Christian Association of Nigeria (CAN) warned that if nothing was done urgently to reverse the tide, the future of the country would be bleak.
“Unfortunately, young people have lost confidence in the country and they are leaving, that is not good news.
“The nation whose youths are running away has no future and our political leaders need to rebuild their trust.
“The leaders are supposed to organise all sectors in such a way that nobody is hungry and that people are not running into poverty.
“Every day we are hearing that the rate of poverty is increasing, that is not good news, and If I was the president, I would be ashamed.
“But I will not ‘japa’, I am not going anywhere, I will stay here and continue to shout that the right thing should be done, and you cannot turn what is wrong into right,” he said.
In his short sermon, Onaiyekan urged Nigerians to use the season to share what they have with their neighbours, as giving was what characterised the message of Christmas.
He said: “Resist the temptation of monopolizing Jesus in the Christmas season and share the joy of Christmas with everyone.
“If you can help one or two persons do just that, because we must all do what we can to reach out to our neighbors this season,” he said.
Njoku, who was the host, said the Carol Night was an annual event organised to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ and to reechoe the message of love for neighbor and humanity.
“Christmas represents giving and love, which is what God did for us by giving us Jesus Christ, and we must also demonstrate that to others,” he said.
Highpoint of the event was the cutting of the Christmas cake by the host and his family, flanked by clerics and was followed by sections of songs performances.
