The founder of Real Woman and Deputy Senior Pastor of DayStar Christian Centre, Lagos, Pastor Nike Adeyemi, spoke with Sunday Oguntola on the roles of women and how marriages can work shortly after the International Women Conference she organised last week with the theme Making a Difference. Excerpts:
What roles can women play in the face of insecurity and terrorism in the country?
Well, I believe the role of women is enormous because of all that is going on. Some women would set up NGO, ministries to provide comfort, succour for those that have been affected by terrorism, by the violence. Rape has been on the increase in recent time in Nigeria and even in Lagos especially where I live, kidnapping also has been on the increase. I think there is a lot the women can do.
We have a shelter where we take care of them, we provide counselling and practical help for girls that have been raped and we also have an orphanage for abandoned babies. That is a way of contributing my own quota. We have been talking to women to teach their children morals, to teach them the right ways and be hard working, to have the spirit of excellence, not to give bribes, not to cheat in exams.
Women, who are married, should also give support to their husbands enough for them to be able to give their best out there. There is so much we can do. We have been called to make a difference. Sometimes, your smile can make a difference in another man’s life because there is so much hurt, pains, poverty. We can give as well, not until you have so much. You can do the little you can do and encourage others.
How have you been coping with funding for your NGO?
Well, the NGO is funded to the glory of God by individuals; people who are aware of what we are doing; Some who have been touched with what we are doing. Initially, it was funded from my personal purse purely but my husband joined me. Then later the church, though it is not under the church but because our church gives to other not- for- profit organisations, there came a time they realised they can also partner with support.
They gave us some fund. Individuals also support. In the last three years, we have found corporate organisations come to visit us, visit the orphanage. They see the children and they are so touched some people are taking up the sponsorship of some of the children.
A girl has graduated from the university with a second class upper two years ago. Right now, I have one in part two and another one in part three and people are sponsoring them. We don’t have government or foreign funding yet.
The message of women empowerment is becoming vociferous lately and a lot of people are saying that is why divorce is on the increase. Do you agree with this?
People say the message of empowerment is what has opened the eyes of women who are now empowered. They say women in the western world and generally are not being patient anymore again like our mothers and grandmothers.
But the message we are preaching, by the grace of God, is balanced because I am married, and by the grace of God this year our marriage will be 20 years. I am an empowered woman by God’s doing. I believe I have been empowered from a young age. My parents do not believe that as a girl you should not be sent to school. I believe I have been empowered from a young age, but coming into Christ, becoming a minister, I got more empowerment and it has not made me to feel I should go on my own or leave my husband.
Women don’t just want to throw in the towel anyhow. Women want to be fulfilled. They want wings to fly, they want to be accomplished. At the same time they want to stay married. So, what we encourage is the support from the men. They should make life easier for her, don’t make life difficult for her.
We are praying to have men who will not be easily intimidated, even if your wife is a high- flyer she is still your wife. You are, still the head of the family. There is no woman that wants to leave her matrimonial home but if she is going to die there, if it looks like a matter of life and death, she would leave and that is what we are seeing today. What we are seeing today are women that are being battered, women that are being beaten.
You would recall the female banker that was battered by her husband who later killed her. The case is still in court but the girl is dead. She was an empowered woman. If she wanted to throw in the towel, she would have opened up. But she didn’t. She wanted to keep her home but at last she died there. If you are being beaten and you are going to die there, move out. Let things be resolved, it’s a balance. I don’t believe in divorce. I don’t advocate it but marriage should be within the sanctity of life.
Women don’t seem to have equal chances in the society compared to their male counterparts. How can this be corrected?
It is just the bias over the years. Women have been relegated to the background. They seem not to be given the voice and allowed to come to the forefronts but things are getting better now. What we advocate for women is not a matter of women liberation or whatever. We are already liberated, especially if you are a Christian woman. Christ has liberated you.
Even if you look in the Bible, there were women like Deborah who was a judge in Israel. She would sit under the palm tree and judge the people. If it were today, she would have an office. It was under a palm tree she sat and Israel came and she judged them. That was a court. She was also a prophetess; God’s mouth piece. She followed people like Barrack, a captain in the army, to war. She encouraged them.
We have realised now that women shouldn’t wait for men to make way, they must begin to do things. It is an old school thing that ‘men are not allowing us’. We have power; we have influence. If you look at the Lord Jesus, he chose 12 disciples. Those 12 were men. He didn’t put women there, not because of anything, not that he didn’t like women, but among the 70 there were women and there were women who didn’t have titles or positions. They were part of Jesus’ disciples.
Women should not wait for titles; they should not complain. It is only 30per cent quota we were given at the Beijing Conference many years ago, though not many countries are following it. They should keep working behind the scene, because one day, there will come a time when people will ask who will solve this problem for us? By the time they recommend a woman who is qualified, no one would be able to say no. We are powerful in raising the next generation, women can become king makers. If you like, don’t give me any position but I can train my children to get to that post and at the end of the day, that is a position of influence, and when that governor or president is doing well, they will trace and ask who trained this man or woman and the woman who raised such a person would be celebrated.
More and more women are indicating interest in politics. What would you tell them?
I will tell them to be closer to God. Even though they have their godfathers who they consult, I would tell them they must make sure they have the father God. They have to get information about what they are going into. It is a good thing for women to aspire because they are sensitive and they have passion.
