Title: Living By The Script
Author: Deji Ajibade
Reviewer: Oyeyinka Fabowale
Publisher: The Roaring Lion Newcastle 2021
Pagination: Pages: 1105
How can one make the most of life and existence? This encapsulates some of the serious existentialist questions that assail men at some point in their lives. It does not matter whether they are rich or poor, famous or unknown. While celebrities, ‘successful’ business or career people with well-paying jobs often feel deep within them dissatisfaction and a yearning still to be fulfilled, in spite of being apparently rich and comfortable, those who consider themselves not so privileged envy and put themselves under strenuous pressure to be like the former, unaware these ones would probably gladly trade places with them for a promise of truly happy and fulfilled life.
Both parties should probably read Living By The Script. The book, written by Deji Ajibade, a clinical psychologist, counselor and player in the financial sector, is a bold attempt at helping the reader make sense of life and live a vibrant, satisfying life of purpose, contentment and bliss. In it, Ajibade bursts a lot of myths and clears up misconceptions and limiting notions about life and living, sharing insights that can help men make oysters of their lives. He serves his prescriptions in capsules of clear, concise and logical instructions spread over 10 chapters of the 105-page book.
The author opens the book debunking the conventional notion that equates happiness with man’s ultimate goal in life. He describes it as illusory. According to him, most people, in fact, lose or sacrifice their happiness in pursuit of happiness as they forgot to consciously experience and enjoy what the present or the process had to offer, while they chase fame, fortune, material possessions or pleasures only to be disappointed that their accomplishment does not bring enduring happiness, making them to hanker for even more.
“It’s like we are filling a bottomless pit in our soul. As such, we find ourselves in a conundrum of persistent dissatisfaction,” Ajibade says.
Contrary to this view, Ajibade states that happiness is an intentional decision – a choice that takes a renewal of mind and a reorientation of our thought processes that require an understanding of certain patterns that make us unhappy and reconfiguring our perceptions towards them. He lists some of the factors as worry, comparing oneself or situation to others’, ingratitude, lack of exercise/unhealthy living, misguided pursuit of materialism, hanging around negative persons, playing the blame game/being fixated on being in control, neglecting set goals, fear, dwelling on the past, seeking validation and lack of sleep/relaxation.
Chapters 2 and 3 talk about the ‘more’ trap and the need to strike a balance between ambition and contentment, counseling individuals not to sacrifice time and attention that should be invested on the essentials of life particularly family and relationships for insatiable material craving. In these chapters, he demonstrates the delusions in thinking that one would become happy when he postpones self-gratification, seeks perfection, fulfills ambition and assumes being ‘bigger is better’.
Chapter 4 asserts that life offers meaning and fulfillment only when a man finds and strives to fulfill the purpose of his existence. However, he is quick to point out that this does not imply dreaming up a particularly big or spectacular thing that will have a tremendous impact or attract us fame as most ambitious people delude themselves, but “…the ability to do the seemingly little things with a touch of excellence and selflessness, and the ability to create purpose out of that.” This, he says, calls for a mindset shift from trying to derive “…meaning from what we do to making what we do meaningful”. Such purpose is not specific or static and can be created and fulfilled at whatever age.But to give wholesome fulfillment, it must be tied to adding value to others and not self- glorification.
Though, challenges are inevitable and integral part of life, the author assures the reader he would always overcome vicissitudes, melancholy and depression if he finds something worthy to live for and pursues it with passion. This does not mean focusing on that major thing that brings us fame or makes us rich, but could be multiple things such as – family, pets, spouse and children – outside of that are equally essential but often taken for granted. Since our purpose evolves just as our understanding of who we are and what we want, the possibility of bliss and fulfillment to be derived is infinite, Ajibade reasons.
The rest of the chapters contain tips on mentoring, how to tame one’s personal weaknesses, which he calls ‘foxes’ that undermine a person’s potential, as well as principles he needs to surmount hard times and positively transform his life from mediocre level to the zenith of vibrancy and fullness!
This is one book that you will find useful in trying to comprehend, adjust and cope with the puzzles and challenges of our present time. Besides its rich ideas and thoughts supported with quotable quotes and illustrations drawn from the lives and experiences of icons in diverse fields, its other value is in the simple, clear and accessible language with which Ajibade explains issues.
With the inspirational, empathetic and overtone of his discourse, Ajibade shows he is both a teacher and a healer. His concern to see the reader benefit from his knowledge is evident in his frequent urging and emphasis to put it to practice.
