Good morning! Are you ready.” Sexy Jola called out to me from my bedroom window that Saturday morning when I chose to be one with my pillow. I actually thought I was dreaming not until Ada screamed: “Hello Evelyn, oya na, get up. It’s time for our ‘October Race’ or have you forgotten!”
“Oh-oh-oh! What kind of wahala is this?” I mumbled angrily and dragged myself out of bed from a beautiful dream of refreshing coconut water snack, while lazing on the beach. “I’ll join you guys shortly.”
I rushed to bathe, dress and storm out to find that Tinuola the geologist was already prepping the ladies with warm-up exercises in the field close to our estate gate. Tinuola, sister to Yemi, a colleague of mine, who just moved into our estate, was a restless marathon runner. Since she moved in every woman wants to be in shape like Tinu, after being inspired by her early morning exercise routines that involve 30,000 steps daily. She has always wanted to join the ‘Women’s Corner’ since she came; and had even mentioned it to Christabel the fashionista who suggested we start by having a joint exercise routine once every week, beginning from that Saturday morning. The house agreed, although I had my reservations. I had just added some weight in the right places, and I’m still relishing the euphoria but kept my thoughts to myself. They tagged it ‘October race’. There and then I decided against overexerting myself.
The time was 6am. I scanned the field for the ladies in attendance and found that Mummy Fawaz was missing – she had opted out the previous night – but I was shocked to see Mummy Judith with her bright green track pant and top with matching trainers. I saw that the ladies meant business: they were all focused on the routines. Reminding myself that Tinu was a professional runner, I advised myself not to overdo it.
As I drew near, I heard her say something about electrolyte, even as the ladies sweated it away; I joined the routine.
“Welcome Evelyn, it’s time to head out ladies,” she said, and then intimated us on a one-two-three jogging routine. She literarily made it rhythmic and the ladies followed suit.
“One-two-three… one-two-three … one-two-three …jog-jog-kick…ladies! Oya Tamara…one-two-three…go Stella and so on.” The ladies responded “One-two-three…,”accordingly. As we jogged past the main gate my eyes caught sight of Mama Yinusa’s shed which furnishes the estate with fresh corn and coconut. She was already setting up for the day’s business. I imagined what could be running through Christabel’s mind, seeing she had tried ousting the corn seller from that space as the vice chairperson of the estate union. Christabel says the woman’s waste constituted nuisance in the place.
Fast forward: after running some miles, taking short breaks in between, we returned home. It was about 7.30am and we were all tired. But just as we approached the main gate, some metres to Mama Yinusa’s shed, Christabel slumped. “Jesus…Jesus!” We screamed. “Let’s carry her into the shed, Mama Yinusa, get us some coconut water,” Tinu urged. We sprinkled fresh water on her which revived her. We heaved a sigh of relief and Tinu gave her the coconut water. Christabel asked: “Where am I?” “Mama Yinusa’s shed!” we answered. “What did I just drink?” “Coconut water.” And the rest was history.
Widows can lead a rewarding life after grief and growth stages. So says financial planner and author, Kathleen M. Rehl.
Five years after my husband died, I wrote in my journal: “I am so much more than just a widow. I’m a thriving independent woman!”
Yes, I was firmly in Stage 3 of widowhood — transformation — after navigating the first two phases of grief and growth. Like many other women who also have also experienced the terrible ache of widowhood, the third phase was quite gratifying for me.
Betsie Van Der Meer
This is when a widow is past the painfully vulnerable and confusing grief of Stage 1. There, she focused on immediate needs, applied for death benefits, checked her cash flow and didn’t make big, irrevocable financial decisions. In yoga terms, it was simply a time to breathe.
Moving into Stage 2 (growth), a widow takes care of financial business beyond the basics: updating her will and beneficiary forms, evaluating investments for appropriateness, making necessary changes with insurance coverage, deciding whether to stay in her house or relocate, and considering pre- or post-retirement choices.
If a widow has minor children, she thinks about money implications as a single-parent family. A widow’s life begins to feel more in balance during this growth stage.
For me, writing and speaking about widows and their financial issues become my passion, my mission. Indeed, this focus of helping my “widowed sisters” and their financial advisors became an important part of my own healing process.
Spending time with friends and family or taking on a new, enjoyable hobby may bring happiness to a widow during Stage 3. She’ll want to budget accordingly, taking into consideration some increased costs for these activities.
Don’t be a purse; leave your own legacy
During Stage 3, what I refer to as “legacy lifeprint,” activities can be gratifying. These actions involve sharing a widow’s stories, values and gifts for future generations. (Some of these activities are also referred to as legacy wills or legacy letters.)
They can take several forms, including print, photo, video and audio recordings or documents. It might be a scrapbook, painting, memory book, cookbook of favorite family recipes, video and more. A special charitable component may also be included.
For example, several years after my friend Judy’s husband died, she expanded her legacy planning to benefit her family in a distinctive way. Working with her local community foundation, she created a fund that will pay an income to her two children after she passes on. They will each receive an annual check on or about their birthday every year.
She thinks this is a great gift that will keep giving throughout her children’s lives.
Don’t forget to date again: A romance with someone who has lost a spouse may progress at a different pace.
Hey Ladies! Which do you prefer – Naija Jollof or Ghana Jollof,” asked Sexy Jola as she sat down close to me with a big cooler of food in hand. She dropped it on a table behind us which I had earlier spotted her placing there.
I guessed there was going to be a party because when Jola makes such move, it means we are in for a party. Although I didn’t know what we are celebrating, not being one to slack at such moments, I decided to treat the girls to my juicy Zobo drink.
“Oya, Tamara, Evelyn, which will you prefer,” continued Jolaolu, jostling me back to reality with her question.
“Give me Naija Jollof any day, anytime, and you’ll make my day,” retorted Tamara.
“I am black and proud of my heritage…Ghana Jollof of course,” countered Mummy Fawaz.
“I have tasted both, but critically speaking, I prefer Ghana Jollof,” Barrister Ada cut in.
And turning to me, Sexy Jola asked, “What about you, Evelyn?”
“Like Mummy Fawaz, I’m proud of my heritage… I prefer Naija Jollof. Give me hot steaming Naija Jollof with a dangerously peppered chicken as complement and watch my creative muse go.” I responded with a laugh that seemed to infest others, catching the attention of other neighbours.
“You ladies seem to have won the lottery, this one you are laughing like this. Please share the money o,” urged a curious Daddy Innocent from his balcony.
“We will sir. Ada responded. Just then we looked up and saw he was not alone but had with him the husbands of some of ladies in the group.
“Wetin dey happen here? Are the men forming their own counter group as well,” I asked in surprise.
“You never see anything yet. My husband says it is enjoyment that we are enjoying anytime we meet. In fact, he has been protesting the fact we cannot continue to enjoy alone and have the spotlight on your column. They want in on it too,” Jolaolu said, while laughing her heart away.
“Mine too,” added Ada.
“Including mine,” Tamara also stated.
“This is serious o. How come you didn’t mention it before now? I didn’t know our gists have caught the attention of our husbands? Well, there’s…” And before I could finish my statement, the men joined us, bring their seats with them.
“Oh-oh-oh-oh!” protested Tamara, “What is this na?”
“Today’s gist, food and drink will not pass us by!” Ada hubby interjected.
“I remember when you used to go to the office even on a Sunday and return late after hanging out with the boys, Daddy Nkem, what changed?”
“Your Women’s Corner and Evelyn’s column changed everything. It seems to hold a tantalising appeal and your blood pressure has reduced and everything else has improved,” he said with a deliberate emphasis on his statement as he winked at his wife. I caught the sensual look that passed between them and so did Jola for she quickly shifted the topic back to Naija and Ghana Jollof rice. “Ehen! Back to what we were saying before you joined us, between Naija Jollof and Ghana Jollof rice, which do men prefer?”
“If you ask me, between Naija Jollof and Ghana Jollof, I prefer both. Abeg all na the same boo,” Daddy Nkem said with an unusual passion as if he had so much to say.
“Abi o.” All the men all responded in unison.
“My brother na true you talk,” Ada’s hubby retorted.
“It’s like asking Nigerian women or Ghana women who do you prefer. All na the same. Woman na woman. I no matter where she from. Na the same headache the same wahala,” hammered Daddy Nkem.
“What about the love we show,” queried Sexy Jola as she scanned her hubby’s face for his response.
And not waiting Sola, Jolaolu’s husband to speak, Daddy Nkem continued vehemently: “It’s not about that. It’s about us thinking that the grass is greener on the other side. And everybody is Japaing now, including my wife. Now she is complaining, wishing she didn’t leave her job in Shell. And I’m here lonely. Imagine that. Abeg wey the two Jollof rice, let us taste and give our verdict her jare.”
We all laughed and joined Jolaolu to share the Jollof rice in the cooler, accompanied with croaker fish and very chiled Zobo drink.
“Have a taste of this Naija Jollof and when next we meet we’ll have the Ghana Jollof too and then we can judge.” Jola’s sat well with the men. And then then her hubby said emphatically, “But I hope you know we would be joining you ladies at the Women’s Corner as well.” We laughed and continued with the merrymaking.
You can call her a fighter. Although she is not a legal luminary, Oyeyemi Mercy Adewole, the Chief Executive Officer of Worldova Support Limited, is a ‘soldier’ who is always willing to stand against injustice to women and children. After losing her husband, Adewole did not allow widowhood to hold her back. This fashion enthusiast braced up, became a fashion brand and a widow’s right advocate. Today, she exports sport and Nigerian wears. In this chat with EVELYN OSAGIE, she shares her fashion and passion.
What defines you as a woman
What defines you as a woman is the ability to combine many things and do them well. A man finds it difficult to combine a lot of things at the same time. That is why women are very strong physically and mentally – in short we are highly cerebral. I see myself as business savvy and a humanitarian. But, I’ll best describe myself as a project person. I am always involved in various projects at the same time. Besides being into fashion, I have spent years advocating for widows’ rights and I into tourism, tours and export.
My thought on beauty
Beauty to me is having good character. In addition, I see beauty as internal and external. While internal beauty means your character and comportment, external beauty deals with how one looks. For me, the two have to be in place before I can say a person is beautiful.
My thought on fashion
Fashion is to wear what suits your body and you’re comfortable in, and what’ll boost your self worth. My fashion secret is whatever gives me confident.
My style
My style is simple and comfortable; or should I say sporty. Whether it’s style or beauty, mine is hinged on simplicity. I’m not a fashionista; but I believe everybody is unique in their own way.
Fashion item I can’t do without
I can’t do without lipstick – red lipstick. I can wear it all day. I may not wear any make up or expensive jewelry but wearing lipsticks enhances my look.
My foray into the world of fashion
I was tired of what I was doing. I then fasted and prayed for some days on the next action to take. After the prayers, I had a leading to start sewing t-shirts and sport wears, particularly for schools. And so, in September 2009, I started the journey. Before then, we were into construction. This is because our company was registered by my late husband, who was into civil engineering. Today, we are into mass production and branding of t-shirts and sport wears. But we’ve since gone into corporate shirts and academic gown, and the export of Nigerian fabrics, like Kampala and Ankara to other countries.
My experience in the world of fashion
The experience has been fantastic. Someone once asked me: real estate and fashion which is more lucrative? I think both are, but because I am in the garment industry, I would say fashion is more lucrative. But for the economy downturn affecting everybody, it could have been better. The economy is affecting the industry, but in all, we thank God. To God be the glory, we now participate in fashion fairs across the globe.
My escape place
Sleep…I like to sleep well; watch TV. I also love travelling. I use it as a means to relax, too.
My passion for travelling
Travelling is my pastime. I have travelled to several Africa countries, Dubai, France and Brazil. I have discovered that there is no place like Nigeria. Nigeria is not as bad as we are painting it to be. We’ve got good people; good weather and good food. Our fashion and entertainment industries have created a good image for the country; and have put Nigeria on the world map. We only need to improve on our security and make Nigeria peaceful for tourism. Nigeria should borrow a leaf from my second country Gambia. I call it so because I do business there a lot. Gambia exports nothing else than peace. It is known all over the world as a peaceful country; and tourists trickle in daily. We need to also boost our tourist industry as a means to rebuild our economy.
Again its’s God’s leading; then being a widow for about eight years, and God has helped me. I felt I should be a role model and a blessing in my little way.
Widow advocacy:
I started widows advocacy because of challenges women face after the death of their husbands. They range from societal discrimination, stigmatisation and the worse part is in-laws taking properties, leaving the woman vulnerable. This has been the trend and nobody is talking about it. I felt women should rise against this wicked act of treating them like a witch because the husband died. Once a man dies, it is his wife that killed him, but when a woman dies it is the act of God, So my advocacy is ‘stop stigmation, stop tagging them as witch, stop collecting the husband’s property, widowhood is not a sin. Widows are heroes, they should be celebrated because a widow is strong and courageous. I had a funny experience when we held an advocacy walk on June 23, to mark Widow’s Day. A lot of friends didn’t join in the walk because they didn’t want to be associated with widows and some even felt wearing t-shirts with a write up (Widows Are Heroes) will make them automatically become widows. Thank God the few courageous ones that came are still in their husbands’ houses. I am a focus-driven person, so I was not moved.
My latest pursuit
I have spent years advocating for widows’ rights, my next advocacy project is on rebranding Nigeria to boost our tourism industry as means of rebuilding our economy. My NGO has a widows’ programme in December.
It was supposed to be the last emotional card. Miraculously, things moved on well and the first six months looked like a union made in heaven. Just when she thought, she had captured Bosun’s heart; his old flame came back into the picture. The fair-weather lover ditched him when he was nobody. The natural thing to do was to move on and forget the runaway ‘bride-to-be’. Sadly Bosun could not resist this ‘prodigal ‘lover’. First, he kept it a secret but it got to a point where they just could not continue as secret lovers anymore.
Three certainly is a crowd. So, who do we send out of the emotional garden? Sadly, it was our dear Teniola who lost out.
The crux of the matter is that relationships are not based on logic; they are actually influenced by our emotions. This therefore makes cheating difficult to define. Whether you consider cheating as sex or simply a kiss, the truth here is that a betrayal is a betrayal.
We all love to have a smooth emotional ride. A journey that is filled with fun, sweet memories, and time shared with someone real and caring. Unfortunately, the fun times are usually too short for some, depending on what side of the coin you are on.
They are part of the reality of living, life and love are not perfect. The lovebirds are responsible for the outcome and it is better to spice a dull space with affection and when it becomes messy, then you make your skills and mop up the mess before it gets out of hand.
Sadly, many of us are dreamers and we love to hide under the illusion of dating a sweet ‘Barbie’ doll or Prince Charming that would never hurt a fly.
So when our emotional flight crashes on the tarmac, then we are jolted back to reality. The emotional hangover of being cheated is actually the worst. What would you do if you found out that precious heart that you cherish is nothing but a two-timing fool? What would you do if you opened the door of your bedroom and caught your fiancé and your best friend in bed? How would you feel when you walk into a restaurant and your girl is in a hot passionate kiss with another man? Question, questions, and more questions. Sadly that is the reality of the love zone, hearts have crashed and somersaulted along the emotional corridors and it can be so painful sometimes.
If you ask anyone who has lost a dear heart, they would tell you that being cheated on is the worst thing that ever happened to them. First, you feel sad, rejected as well as also pissed off. Betrayal through cheating can come from the babe or the dude; however, we all know that it is more common with the guys.
Interestingly, scientific studies have narrowed down some traits that are statistically more common in guys who cheat. Money is important and it has a lot to do with this and so many other issues that affect any relationship.
The research also showed that partners were less likely to cheat if they were in the same (or similar) income brackets. Men were more likely to cheat if they made a lot more money than their partners, and they were most likely to cheat if they made a lot less.
Next, it was discovered that people are more likely to cheat if their friends are also cheaters. Conversely, if his friends are trustworthy, it’s likely he’s trustworthy too.
Oh dear! That is certainly a tough one; you can get rid of friends in this category easily. So what do you do? Perhaps the way out would be to be at your best and satisfy your man in bed. Not so easy! Experts also explain that most men don’t cheat because they’re not satisfied sexually. They actually join the cheating game because they are seeking emotional satisfaction.
Ordinarily, you would think that extroverts, our jolly good fellows are the ones to be avoided if you don’t want your heart to crash like Humpty Dumpty did. The research goes on to reveal that introverts are actually more likely to cheat because they’re more likely to agree with someone propositioning them. If you are hooked on an extrovert, then surely there is no real cause for alarm. Even if he’s always out there meeting new people, you actually might be safer. Reason: “There is no big deal’.
That is not all. The emotional researchers also found out that you can trust your gut when it comes to identifying guys who look like they would cheat and finally break your heart. So, if your gut is telling you “no,” then it’s a good idea to listen to that gut.
You win some, lose some. Yes, it can be the end of the road for some relationships. Those who have a large heart may just forgive but not totally forget the act. Infidelity can either destroy their sex lives or just be a powerful way to heal and discover the gaps.
Thanks for your articles advice ma’am however, I’m confused as there is this book I was reading sometime ago. It is all about sex and the book stated that it’s good to know about sex and see it as enjoyment not as a problem or something that will make you not to go to heaven. In fact it says if you’re not having sex, your hormones will be lacking some things. So my question is which one is better, knowing how to sex your husband because if you don’t satisfy him it will be a problem or keeping your virginity because of Christ?
Cynthia
Dear Aunty Temilolu,
I’m 23 and still a virgin. Sometimes, I feel stupid because I’ve come across guys in church who say they don’t like virgins or can’t marry one and this can be very discouraging and I feel left out especially when I meet clean, cute, hardworking guys that can take care of me and my parents/relatives who can’t be bothered about my well-being. Let’s be realistic, those who enjoy premarital sex end up with better men and better marriages than the chaste!
Bisola
My darling, precious, glorious, dignified, world-famous and heavenly celebrated Nigerian sisters,
How can you be a rare gem and complain about what a perverted world think? IF YOU GIRLS KNEW WHAT GUYS REALLY THINK ABOUT SEXUALLY-ACTIVE GIRLS AND WHERE THEY PLACE THEM IN THEIR LIVES, YOU’LL COWER IN SHAME! In fact, time has proven a lot of guys would go around sowing their wild oats sweeping off the feet of every available girl; lay her then end up marrying a virgin! What in the world happened to your common sense and dignity girls? THE PRESERVATION OF YOUR VIRGINITY IS IN YOUR SOLE INTEREST!” I can’t believe anyone would ask me if it’s better to learn the art of sex before marriage in order to satisfy her husband or remain pure because of what the scripture says! Lord have mercy!!!
I should also ask you which you’d rather go for- A FAIRLY-USED CAR OR BRAND NEW CAR? Even a very bad or crazy man in his lucid intervals would treasure a wife he deflowered and she would earn his respect and trust for life. Also, do you know a chaste lady has the power to attract a damn good man- even if she’s once been sexually-active and then surrendered to God? People say “bad girls” end up with good men and in good marriages. This could be true because they have “na ‘gbara, na “gboro” i.e. that is they’ve sampled and been sampled by diverse type of men so they have an idea the good and bad ones or the type of men they could subdue to their whims and caprices. But guess what? They have laid a bad foundation that opens up their marriage to satanic attack also, they may be insatiable in bed! Also,he man may be good but not their original spouse!
How can 2 soul-mates paired up by God not be able to satisfy themselves sexually? Do you know the fact that your husband/wife is a virgin is a great turn on for you in the first place? In a world where 14-year-olds are engaging in sex like it’s an indoor game, a lady who keeps herself till her 20’s or 30’s is made of the rarest type of gem! Because God is not only at the centre but the chief controller of an undefiled marriage bed, you are both controlled by Him. He’s in fact the Chief Commander of your emotions and the way your bodies respond to each other and because He controls your minds (that is if you allow Him); the slightest touch from either of you just sends you to cloud 81! It sparks off celestial fire! Because you allowed God to fine-tune you in the supernatural, being in subjection to Him and your divine partner (not necessarily the one your pastor recommended) locating you, a mere thought of each other turns you on and you want to run home from work and be with no other person than your spouse, your greatest treasure, your goldmine and honey pot! I insist there’s something in an unpolluted destiny that naturally magnetizes his/her divine partner! YOU TREMBLE WITH PASSION AT EACH OTHER’S PRESENCE! YOU WANT TO EXPLORE WHAT NO ONE HAS EVER HAD ACCESS TO! DO YOU GET IT?
Girls…girls…girls, why do you like dulling yourselves? Why are you so impatient? Why can’t you lay a solid, consecrated foundation for a beautiful future in the first 25 years of your life? Life would be a lot easier to coast through and enjoy optimally! May the fire of God hit you where ever you are and arrest your hearts in Jesus mighty name!
Gender equality is a fight we must take on together, with women leading the charge for a fair and equal world. During the International Women’s Day which was celebrated a few weeks ago, Risevest recognizes the strength and resiliency of women each and every day. We must keep fighting for an equitable future. Together, we have the power to create lasting change. Risevest’s comprehensive, inclusive approach to gender equity strives to be women-led, encouraging women to unlock their full power and potential by stepping into positions of leadership. Women identify challenges they face, and work together to come up with resilient solutions that reflect their priorities, needs and vision
International Women’s Month is a month when we celebrate the achievements of women around the world while we continue to work towards achieving gender equality and equity. This year’s women’s month campaign theme is #EmbraceEquity and is focused on raising awareness on the need for equity for women and why equality is never enough. At Risevest, we understand that gender equity and inclusion are crucial to building a more equitable future, which is why we have made it a priority to champion these values in everything we do.
So as part of our commitment to supporting women and girls and contributing towards an inclusive society, we reached out to Mrs. Olagbaju, the Managing Partner of Abigail St. Johns Advising and Formation Services for a partnership to sponsor the SATs and preparatory costs of two students to complete their undergraduate degree in the US.
Mrs. Olagbaju sent in a shortlist of the top-performing students in some of the best schools in the country. And after our screening, we decided on two students, whose academic track records stood out for us and who, coincidentally, are women.
We paid for the SAT registration and exam prep course of these two brilliant 16-year-olds to further their education abroad. The SAT is a standardised test used by many colleges and universities in the United States as part of their admissions process. And we’re proud to say that our candidates did outstandingly well in this test and other preparatory tests, applied to their schools of choice and are now waiting for a response.
We firmly believe that education is a key factor in promoting gender equality. Studies have shown that educating girls and women can have a profound impact on their lives and the lives of those around them. It can lead to better health outcomes, increased economic opportunities, and improved social outcomes. Education is also a fundamental human right, and we believe that everyone should have access to it, regardless of their gender.
We also recognize that there are many barriers that women and girls face regarding education, including lack of access, poverty, and discrimination. Hence, we are committed to doing our part to break down these barriers and to create a more level playing field for all.
By paying for the SAT course, helping with the admission and travel process and providing additional support including future internships through the duration of the studies of these two young women, we hope to help them pursue their dreams and someday be in a position to contribute positively to their country, communities, and the world.
These efforts are just early days for us when it comes to supporting gender equity and inclusion. We are committed to continuing to find ways to promote these values both within our company and in the wider community. The journey to achieving gender equity and equality is a long one, but we are determined to do our part to close the gap and make it a reality.
As we continue to celebrate International Women’s Month, we encourage everyone to think about how they can support women and girls in their communities. Whether it’s through education, mentorship, or simply speaking out against discrimination and inequality, we can all make a difference. At Risevest, we are proud to be part of this important work, and we look forward to continuing to champion gender equity and inclusion in everything we do.
Stereotyping cuts across many phases of life. Studies have, however, shown that women suffer more, especially in the work place, writes OYEBOLA OWOLABI
BISHOP Priscilla Otuya was betrayed. She was wrongfully accused by friends, relatives, and associates in her journey to being the first female president of a religious association. It wasn’t palatable. Her offence: She is a woman and so not worthy of leading men, at least to those men in her circle of profession.
The cleric is definitely not the first female Bishop in Nigeria, but the first female to lead a male-dominated religious association. The battles she fought to get there, and remain there, are better imagined.
Being a young female audit consultant has not been easy for Ayomikun Titiloye because people naturally believe the profession is an exclusive reserve for men, and elderly at that. She has had to put in extra effort to show herself capable.
Olabisi Awolola runs her own accounting/audit firm. She is constantly on her toes to leave a good first impression with clients.
“Clients must give me a chance to prove that my firm can do what other firms owned by big and elderly men can do. I own an audit firm and my gender and age are what amazes people because my industry is seen to be one dominated by men, and usually the elderly.
“When a friend introduced me to a company, the managing director was surprised to see a young woman in practice because their outgoing auditor was an elderly man. This is the story of most companies. But anytime I have a referral, I present myself well and display knowledge at our first meeting so you don’t doubt my ability,” she said.
These women, and many others out there, should not have to go the extra mile to be recognised or get a promotion, but because the society has so much stereotyped the work environment, it becomes increasingly difficult for them to aspire and attain certain positions, and even perform optimally.
According to the United Nations Human Rights Office of the High Commissioner, a gender stereotype is a generalised view or preconception about attributes or characteristics, or the roles that are or ought to be possessed by, or performed by women and men.
The UN describes gender stereotyping as the practice of ascribing to an individual woman or man specific attributes, characteristics, or roles by reason only of her or his membership in the social group of women or men.
It adds that “gender stereotyping is wrongful when it results in a violation or violations of human rights and fundamental freedoms.”
A study by Assistant Prof. Katherine Coffman of the Harvard Business School explained it further. It stated that “stereotypes are pervasive, widely-held views that shape beliefs about our own and others’ abilities, likely from a very young age. Until we can change these stereotypes, it’s essential to think about how we can better inoculate individuals from biases induced by stereotypes, helping people to pursue fulfilling careers in the areas where their passions and talents lie.”
These beliefs and labels of what a woman should do or be, most times force women to see themselves as not capable, and so limit themselves. Just like Bishop Otuya and Titiloye who first felt incapable of performing.
“Yes, at first, at the beginning of my journey, I felt incapable, and that is because of the molds of misinformation that surround us as women. You know who you are and what you have inside, but you are not sure you can because of popular beliefs. But looking inwards and shutting out the fear and dissenting voices in my mind, I find myself doing better than I thought I could, and the positive response I get helped me to believe more in myself,” the cleric said.
Titiloye narrates her own experience: “Yes, I feel incapable a lot of the time, especially when it’s my first time with a big client. But that feeling fades away as quickly as it came when we are on the job as a team. Sometimes when I lead teams and I’m the only female, some clients don’t want to co-operate until they are sure I know what I am doing. Moreover, being the youngest in a team and the leader makes it difficult relating with some clients in the first few days.
“One of my first jobs was a team of three women. The Chief Financial Officer (CFO) of the firm we were auditing practically rubbished us and asked for our family backgrounds, spouses’ backgrounds, and even complained about our dressing. We weren’t comfortable but did the job. By the time we were leaving after two weeks, and had the exit meeting, he apologised for his treatment of us because he thought we were not capable of handling the job. He was quite elderly though.
Awolola
“Another CFO was trying to intimidate us by asking for our membership numbers so he would have an idea of when we qualified as chattered accountants.”
A study by Ina Toegel, a Professor of Leadership and Organisational Change, and Maude Lavanchy, a Research Associate, describes stereotypes as shortcuts for forming impressions of people and guiding decisions, without people being completely aware of it.
They said: “Gender preconceptions have important consequences for the workplace, including not getting credit where it is due. Whenever women work with men on male gender-typed tasks, men are more likely to be credited for joint successes and women are more likely to be blamed for joint failures. These negative performance expectations can only be overturned when the woman’s individual contribution is unquestionable, or her task competence is very high.
“Men are promoted on potential while women are promoted for proven performance. Research shows that women are held to stricter standards for promotion: promoted women have higher performance ratings than promoted men, and performance ratings are more strongly related to promotions for women than for men.
“The backlash effect is that women who counter their stereotype and break expectations are often perceived to be bossy and unlikeable. However, the paradox is that when women conform to gender stereotypes (e.g. by showing emotional sensitivity and concern for others), they are likely to be perceived as less competent.”
Can this mindset be changed? Toegel and Lavanchy propose certain actions – learning, moving confidently into male-dominated spaces and speaking up, and preparing to react (women should anticipate and prepare to react to inappropriate or discriminating comments).
Learning is what Titiloye does to counter clients who feel she is not capable. “I get informed about the company I am going to audit. Its activities, previous year’s reports and financial statements to sort the first impression issue. It shows I know about the company I am auditing and can ask a few questions to offset them too. I also ensure I am a good team player/leader so we can come up with a good report at the end of the audit,” she said.
For Bishop Otuya, asserting herself has kept her going. “I honestly didn’t think about proving anything to anyone because that’s how I am wired. I simply follow my heart and my convictions to do what should be done without sentiments. I am a jovial easy-going person, but when it comes to my work with God, I don’t play around. And as it is written, a city on a hill cannot be hidden, and the gift of a man makes a way for him and brings him before kings. That I believe is my staying power. And as they say, you don’t change a winning team,” she said.
Stereotyping cuts across many phases of life. Studies have, however, shown that women suffer more, especially in the work place, writes OYEBOLA OWOLABI.
Bishop Priscilla Otuya was betrayed. She was wrongfully accused by friends, relatives, and associates in her journey to being the first female president of a religious association. It wasn’t palatable. Her offence: She is a woman and so not worthy of leading men, at least to those men in her circle of profession.
The cleric is definitely not the first female Bishop in Nigeria, but the first female to lead a male-dominated religious association. The battles she fought to get there, and remain there, are better imagined.
Being a young female audit consultant has not been easy for Ayomikun Titiloye because people naturally believe the profession is an exclusive reserve for men, and elderly at that. She has had to put in extra effort to show herself capable.
Olabisi Awolola runs her own accounting/audit firm. She is constantly on her toes to leave a good first impression with clients.
“Clients must give me a chance to prove that my firm can do what other firms owned by big and elderly men can do. I own an audit firm and my gender and age are what amazes people because my industry is seen to be one dominated by men, and usually the elderly.
“When a friend introduced me to a company, the managing director was surprised to see a young woman in practice because their outgoing auditor was an elderly man. This is the story of most companies. But anytime I have a referral, I present myself well and display knowledge at our first meeting so you don’t doubt my ability,” she said.
These women, and many others out there, should not have to go the extra mile to be recognised or get a promotion, but because the society has so much stereotyped the work environment, it becomes increasingly difficult for them to aspire and attain certain positions, and even perform optimally.
According to the United Nations Human Rights Office of the High Commissioner, a gender stereotype is a generalised view or preconception about attributes or characteristics, or the roles that are or ought to be possessed by, or performed by women and men.
The UN describes gender stereotyping as the practice of ascribing to an individual woman or man specific attributes, characteristics, or roles by reason only of her or his membership in the social group of women or men.
Oyebola
It adds that “gender stereotyping is wrongful when it results in a violation or violations of human rights and fundamental freedoms.”
A study by Assistant Prof. Katherine Coffman of the Harvard Business School explained it further. It stated that “stereotypes are pervasive, widely-held views that shape beliefs about our own and others’ abilities, likely from a very young age. Until we can change these stereotypes, it’s essential to think about how we can better inoculate individuals from biases induced by stereotypes, helping people to pursue fulfilling careers in the areas where their passions and talents lie.”
These beliefs and labels of what a woman should do or be, most times force women to see themselves as not capable, and so limit themselves. Just like Bishop Otuya and Titiloye who first felt incapable of performing.
“Yes, at first, at the beginning of my journey, I felt incapable, and that is because of the molds of misinformation that surround us as women. You know who you are and what you have inside, but you are not sure you can because of popular beliefs. But looking inwards and shutting out the fear and dissenting voices in my mind, I find myself doing better than I thought I could, and the positive response I get helped me to believe more in myself,” the cleric said.
Titiloye narrates her own experience: “Yes, I feel incapable a lot of the time, especially when it’s my first time with a big client. But that feeling fades away as quickly as it came when we are on the job as a team. Sometimes when I lead teams and I’m the only female, some clients don’t want to co-operate until they are sure I know what I am doing. Moreover, being the youngest in a team and the leader makes it difficult relating with some clients in the first few days.
“One of my first jobs was a team of three women. The Chief Financial Officer (CFO) of the firm we were auditing practically rubbished us and asked for our family backgrounds, spouses’ backgrounds, and even complained about our dressing. We weren’t comfortable but did the job. By the time we were leaving after two weeks, and had the exit meeting, he apologised for his treatment of us because he thought we were not capable of handling the job. He was quite elderly though.
“Another CFO was trying to intimidate us by asking for our membership numbers so he would have an idea of when we qualified as chattered accountants.”
A study by Ina Toegel, a Professor of Leadership and Organisational Change, and Maude Lavanchy, a Research Associate, describes stereotypes as shortcuts for forming impressions of people and guiding decisions, without people being completely aware of it.
They said: “Gender preconceptions have important consequences for the workplace, including not getting credit where it is due. Whenever women work with men on male gender-typed tasks, men are more likely to be credited for joint successes and women are more likely to be blamed for joint failures. These negative performance expectations can only be overturned when the woman’s individual contribution is unquestionable, or her task competence is very high.
“Men are promoted on potential while women are promoted for proven performance. Research shows that women are held to stricter standards for promotion: promoted women have higher performance ratings than promoted men, and performance ratings are more strongly related to promotions for women than for men.
“The backlash effect is that women who counter their stereotype and break expectations are often perceived to be bossy and unlikeable. However, the paradox is that when women conform to gender stereotypes (e.g. by showing emotional sensitivity and concern for others), they are likely to be perceived as less competent.”
Can this mindset be changed? Toegel and Lavanchy propose certain actions – learning, moving confidently into male-dominated spaces and speaking up, and preparing to react (women should anticipate and prepare to react to inappropriate or discriminating comments).
Titiloye
Learning is what Titiloye does to counter clients who feel she is not capable. “I get informed about the company I am going to audit. Its activities, previous year’s reports and financial statements to sort the first impression issue. It shows I know about the company I am auditing and can ask a few questions to offset them too. I also ensure I am a good team player/leader so we can come up with a good report at the end of the audit,” she said.
For Bishop Otuya, asserting herself has kept her going. “I honestly didn’t think about proving anything to anyone because that’s how I am wired. I simply follow my heart and my convictions to do what should be done without sentiments. I am a jovial easy-going person, but when it comes to my work with God, I don’t play around. And as it is written, a city on a hill cannot be hidden, and the gift of a man makes a way for him and brings him before kings. That I believe is my staying power. And as they say, you don’t change a winning team,” she said.
INADEQUATE finance and information are among the leading non-tariff barriers (NTBs) facing African businesswomen and may undermine the success of the African Continental Free Trade Area (AfCFTA), according to an advocate for businesswomen on the continent.
Speaking during a webinar on the Trade Easier platform, a mechanism for reporting, monitoring and eliminating NTBs under AfCFTA, the Executive Director of the Pan African Business Women’s Association (PABWA), Ms Yavi Madurai, said the problem of gender inequality, corruption, and lack of trust between women and border officials were among other barriers.
“Access to finance is the biggest challenge to women in business in Africa,” she said, a position supported by Ruramiso Mashumba, a Zimbabwean businesswoman and farmer, who said African financial institutions had not been friendly in lending to small and micro-scale businesses.
According to her, this made it difficult for women to raise funds for their operations. Speaking on the trade easier mechanism, African Union customs expert Willie Shumba said the platform would help to resolve NTBs that will surface as trading begins under AfCFTA, especially the long delays at land borders that disproportionately hurt majority of female traders. But for the scheme to be effective, it must ensure speedy response to complaints of the traders, said Jacob Makambwe, Secretary General of the Southern Africa Cross Border Traders Association. According to the United Nations Conference on Trade and Development (UNCTAD) African countries could gain US$20 billion each year by tackling NTBs – much more than the $3.6 billion they could gain by eliminating tariffs.
