A lot of negative things happen to children in homes that many times parents do not know about until it is too late. At a programme for pastors’ children that I attended recently, one of the ministers shared stories of children who fell into error right under their parents’ noses. While parents were busy with work and ministry, their wards were led astray by relatives, friends, employees and guardians.
Some children were sexually abused by domestic workers, teachers, neighbours, relatives, while others were introduced to drugs and other vices by peers in school or at home. Many would have suffered for long before they are noticed by their parents. Sadly when these parents notice the damage, all other pursuits pale in significance compared to the welfare of their children and they become burdened with guilt. Unfortunately, trying to repair the damage caused by sexual or drug abuse is not always easy. The financial, emotional, physical and spiritual costs of fixing the problem are better avoided.
It is indeed not enough for parents to pay school fees and leave their wards in the care of teachers, relatives or caregivers. They must be involved in their upbringing. If it is difficult for both parents, at least one should make out time for the children or make sure that relatives, or care givers entrusted with the children are trustworthy.
It is very important for parents to establish a relationship with their wards that promotes open communication. This allows them to pick up new information that may need to be followed up. If they are vigilant, they are easily able to spot when things are not right. Children should not be afraid to tell their parents what is happening to them. Their confidence in their parents should supersede any threats or blackmail from people who may be harming them.
When parents find out their wards are being threatened, they should act without delay. Children never forgive parents who knowingly allow them to be abused or fail to act to prevent such abuse, and they never forget. Twenty years down the line when their childhood is behind them, they would call their parents to judgment about a misdeed they suffered as children. This can cause their relationships to strain at a time when they ought to enjoy companionship.
If parents need help to address the abuse or threats against their wards, they should not hesitate to get it. Getting professional help from the appropriate quarters is better than covering up whatever might have gone wrong or being in denial. It backfires at the end of the day. Children should not have dark secrets if their parents are alive to their responsibilities.