The calm, ever smiling Preye is the wife of the out-spoken Comrade Joseph Evah, a Niger Delta activist and Coordinator, Ijaw Monitoring Group (IMG). The couple marked the 20th anniversary of their marriage in Lagos recently. Mrs. Preye Magada-Evah, in this encounter with EVELYN OSAGIE, takes us into the world of the wife of an activist, the secret of their 20-yr-old marriage and more:
Your husband is an activist and one of the Niger-Deltan roaring voices. How would you describe Comrade Evah?
(Laughs) My husband is a very stubborn person who doesn’t change his mind easily. I think the harsh environment we experience in Niger Delta provokes him to talk with much passion and bitterness. He is not one to vent his anger unnecessarily. He is passionate about people; he is not just moved by their sufferings but hates any form of intimidation. And his activism goes way back. He was once in the Catholic Seminary but was asked to go home because of his stubbornness. He then applied to go to the Nigerian Defence Academy but one of his uncles, then a military officer in Lagos, opposed his ambition and threatened him to abandon the ambition. He felt Comrade was a born rebel who shouldn’t be in the military, else he’d put the whole family into trouble by becoming a possible coup plotter.
Comrade is an impatient boss. He is a man of his word but he detests liars and intimidation. When he gives an assignment, he doesn’t like excuses but rewards excellence. Behind his stern looks, however, is a caring and loving man, who appreciates anything you do for him. He likes to surprise people with gifts. Also, he is a story teller and likes education. I always admire his energy. Because of the nature of his job, he talks a lot. When he wakes up in the morning, he must read the newspapers. He buys at least six newspapers every day.
Your husband is a women’s rights advocate and patron to several women’s associations such as the National Association of Ijaw Female Students (NAIFS) with over 5,000 members in higher institutions nationwide. Seeing he is always in the midst of the womenfolk, how do you feel about it?
Beside students, my husband’s biggest fans are women. Most times, during outings, they’d rush to him, hug him, and some will even tell me plainly that I should not be jealous, that he was made for the public. People who watch him on TV are usually excited at seeing him physically. I don’t have any bad feeling. Outside, he is a supporter of women; inside, he is my husband. And I know my husband; we’ve come a long way, together. I have known him since the time he was living in a one-room apartment in the same compound as one of Nigeria’s heroes of Atlanta ‘96, Joseph Dosu, who later became a Super Eagles goalkeeper.
Before then, he used to live in a room and parlour until he lost his wife and kids and later ran into financial crisis that led him to pack into the one-room apartment. He was in that one-room apartment when he took the then Military Government to court to stop the dredging of River Niger Delta. Interestingly, the building where he was living then is on the next street to ours, here in Alapere-Ketu, where we’ve built our own house now. The whole neighborhood knows our background. I thank God we have democracy now because every time my husband criticised the government in those days, I’d nearly have a heart attack. Abacha government once arrested him and his leader, Chief Saturday Eregbene, over oil companies and community problems. In fact, I was so afraid.
As the woman behind this man, how does it also feel seeing your husband like one in the frontline of the battle of justice? In short, how has been the experience these past 20 years?
It has not been easy. The road has been tough and rough, but also sweet and wonderful. Before, I didn’t really put much interest in his activism because it is so risky and often takes him away from home. He is still young, my children are still small, and I don’t want anything to happen to him. And I’d often wonder how and why one man would choose to fight for justice of other people. At times, I get scared for him and feel he should quit and do something else; after all, he is a journalist. But he remains undaunted. And I’ve learnt that worrying does not solve the problem.
These past 20 years, as I’ve come understand him, I’ve also come to appreciate his dedication to humanity. And I support him to the fullest. I’d go on my knees before God and always ask Him to protect and guide him for us and those that still need him to stand up for them. We give God the glory for how far and well He has brought us. I told you I knew him when he was living in a one-room apartment. But what I didn’t tell you was that I actually married him when I was 19 years old. So that teenager has also grown to be more mature.
Wow! That is interesting; tell us more about meeting your hubby.
But I was not yet 19 years when he proposed. I had just left secondary school in Iseyin, Oyo State, where I was living then. While I was waiting for my WAEC result, I came to Lagos with my mother and was then living with an uncle. That was where he met me in 1995. We got talking, and I learnt he had lost his wife and twins during childbirth a year before. I remember challenging him on why he’d wanted to remarry so soon. He’d told me he was feeling very lonely and was under a lot of psychological pain because of his loss, which was further heightened by the death of his mother in-law caused by the trauma of losing a daughter.
He was suffering from depression and needed somebody to help him out of it, he’d said. I remember asking, ‘What experience do I have in life to be able to save you from depression?’ He would go on and on, preaching about how I was going to save him. And at the end, he won my heart. I remember my father had first rejected his proposal. He was very bitter; he had wanted me to go to the university and not to get married at 19. My husband then vowed to send me to higher institution but my family doubted him. As a journalist then, people believed he just wanted to use and dump me. But the comrade turned deaf ears to all. Even when I warned him that my father would arrest and detain him in the barracks, he boldly took his family to visit mine at Iseyin where my father was serving as an officer in the army. My father rejected him but he continued to put pressure and when my parents realised that I meant business, they accepted and all is now history.
Beside the arrests and threats, could you recall other sad moments?
It was the death of one of my sons who died of an ailment at age eight. Because of the pain such memory brings, I usually do not like talking about it. And although we have four other kids, till date, his death has created a vacuum in our hearts. My husband and I loved him dearly. Like his father, he was very stubborn but he was closer to me than his father. As young as he was, he used to reprimand his father on issues he felt different about and Comrade loved him for his boldness. But we give God the glory for everything.
What happy moments do you recall?
Do you see that photo on the wall of me and my husband sitting side by side President Goodluck Jonathan? That was a memorable evening I will never forget in a hurry. It was taken at the Aso Rock Villa where we were treated to a dinner of just three of us. Comrade came home one day to say that the President wanted to see me, I was shocked. Comrade was also surprised, but jokingly said, may be Mr President wanted to find out if he was a troublemaker at the home. While at the villa, I was shy and was reluctant to eat, but the President insisted. He thanked me for taking care of Comrade, asked about the children and jokingly urged my husband, “no take your wahala trouble this simple and humble wife o.”
How has marriage molded you?
Marriage has molded me to be more focused and patient in life. Marriage is a school where you learn everyday but to be frank, marrying a comrade is like being a soldier’s wife. My father was a military man; I lived in the barracks all my life; so, I see the pressures in the life of soldiers’ wives, especially during the military regime. So, marrying a comrade and seeing the pressures all over my husband was nothing new. People always come to him with one problem or the other. Whenever his phone rings, it is either someone needs financial assistance or is in detention without trial and needs justice. And when he is not at home or outside the country, the pressure is on me; and I give assistance. It is not easy at all.
Does his activism get to the house?
At home, he is a different person. He is a nice, but no-nonsense man who also knows how to make me laugh. He can be very funny. We have a full house with a large number of young extended family members and our biological children. He won’t spare the rod if the need arises, but treats everyone equally. Comrade may be very busy and at times away from home, but he is also there for us, his family. He always has a way of making up for the times he is not here and we love him dearly. During the holidays, he takes the family to recreation centres. Recently, he took us to see the late Kwame Nkrumah Mausoleum in Ghana because he wanted us to see where he got his inspiration from.
Did your husband fulfill his promise of sending you back to school?
Yes and did more. Beside encouraging me to further my education, he motivates me a lot. I did my first degree when my first son, who is now 18, was two years old. He established a business for me that I’ve run since 1996. In fact, if I am failing towards my studies, he reports me to friends and relatives and reminds me of his promise during those early days, saying I should not disgrace him. Now that I’m doing my second degree at the Open University, he reports me to them if he sees I’m not with my books. He and my children challenge me a lot.
In the past, some activists have been seen going into politics, should we expect such from Comrade in the future?
I don’t know but I doubt if it’ll happen anytime soon. He hates going into politics because of the ‘do or die’ manner it is practised in Nigeria. Look at the last political campaigns; they were full of bitterness and hatred. Also, whenever public office holders give him appointment, he’d always refuse.
What is the spice that has kept your marriage alive?
The secret of enjoying a blissful marriage life is marrying your friend, one who is ready to go to the extra mile to make a sacrifice for you. That is what has kept me and my husband. We have it as a policy not to lie to one another. I think the golden rule in marriage is obedience, trust, love, tolerance, prayer and being understanding and submissive. I have no regrets. I wish my husband would still remain the way he is when we are celebrating our 40th.