FOLABI raped innocent Yewande in her teens and deflowered her in the process. That act got her in the family way and Folabi wickedly refused to acknowledge the pregnancy as his. You can imagine the shame and disgrace Yewande went through. Eighteen years after, when Yewande wanted to finally settle down with a good man, Folabi appeared to claim his daughter and ask for Yewande’s hand in marriage.
Dear Temilolu,
Folabi indeed took advantage of Yewande’s naivety but thank God she remained a mentally stable person who could pick up her life and move on. Spiking and date rape is a very serious offense which in other climes would have landed him in jail!!! That was dastardly and wicked. She could have been injured or even died.
Folabi and his family and especially his sister do not deserve a second chance. But to err is human but to forgive is divine. She should forgive him if she hasn’t. However, it’ll be interesting to know the real reason why Folabi and his family have finally come to their right senses! Is it because Folabi is having relationship issues or he’s been rejected by all women, or he’s been asked to go and “mend” his ways? Or is he being tormented for his callous act?
If Yewande was selling pepper and her daughter hawking gala…would they have come back to them? What if Yewande was already legally married, would they have come back? Yewande shouldn’t be under any pressure to marry him because she was never in love with him and she shouldn’t be sentimental because she had vowed to God that her husband would deflower her. Folabi was not married to her then.
Yewande should commit all into God’s hands for peace of mind on any decision she finally takes. She also may not know whether God is trying to warn/save her from “unknown” issues she may end up having with the nice French person she’s considering for marriage and that’s why he’s showing up. It may also be a ploy by the wicked one to derail her with Folabi so she needs to seek inner peace and guidance.
Ayo
Madam Okeowo,
Yewande is simply trying to mix ignorance with spirituality. She made a vow to give her virginity to her husband, but unfortunately a rapist ended up with it without her permission. Now she is struggling with the thought of either going back to the rapist or moving ahead with her life? How many times do we Christians need to remind ourselves, Jesus did not bring us religion but life. He even told us not to cast our pearls before swines because they will trample on it. I even like the way Yoruba’s put in an adage, “eni to moiyiwura la n ta fun” meaning you only offer gold to someone who values it. Folabi is a rapist and he should be in jail. The only thing Yewande owes Folabi is genuine forgiveness while she leaves the vengeance to God. I can’t even ask her to forget, it’s like asking a mother to forget her labour room experience. I also need to remind Yewande, she is breaking no vow by marrying the white guy or any other person. She lost her virginity to a rapist not her husband. Methinks Folabi has wrecked enough havoc in that family; he should therefore let the sleeping dog lie, his presence in fact re-echoes bad memories. They should go their separate ways. As for the daughter, providence has settled her own case because, she is eighteen which makes her an adult not in need of too much explanation from her mum on the issue. Finally I want us Christians to be careful of the vows we make before God without proper understanding and foresight. May God’s mercy never depart from our lives. I rest my case!
Kola O.
Dear Yewande,
You are not gullible but it seems you are too trusting; this aspect of you needs to improve otherwise the situation could repeat itself in your life. After saying this I would deal with the issues in your letter –
A writer says, “Betrayal is a symptom, not the be-all-and-end; sometime it is a wake-up call that something has to change.” This refers to your relationships.
By holding a grudge or nursing resentments you are placing painful limits on your capacity to love. Forgiveness frees you from such limits and gives you courage to love others. This is not saying that you should ignore your sad experience, but you should learn from it to empower you to move on in life. I can imagine how you felt when you were sexually abused; and each time you think of it you feel cheated.
Folabi has got nothing that could make anyone recommend him as a husband for you. He has the tendency to repeat his disregard for your feelings; and he has no respect for who you are. What he did to you gives you pains, and if you marry him you shall always have the pains. And this would not make you love him as a husband in case you marry him. And please, when deciding on whom to marry, think of cultural differences; language, and a lot of things not only at the present but future also. Listen to the script in your head, and don’t ignore how you are feeling about your new-found love.
Rev. Chris
Dear Yewande,
The above responses to your story aptly describe my submission. I’d only further add that you exercise some patience before deciding on your French suitor. True, you had a revelation that your husband would find you this year. However, I think it’s too early. You are very confused and might be emotionally imbalanced right now such that the devil can seem like an angel to you. Please talk to God more and be absolutely sure before you go into any marriage. You can’t afford to make any mistake that would further crush you or wear you out again emotionally and spiritually. Wait on God and victory will surely be yours. God bless you.
Love always,
Pastor Temilolu