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Tag: abuse

  • Abuse of the girl child: different shades, perpetrators and health implications

    Continued from last week

    For normal reproductive  life, a woman must have normal developmental milestones, which must necessarily begin in the girl child;  for an example, the first menstrual flow requires a body weight of 40kg or more. Though early menses may not be regular , it steadies as the girl child grows into maturity and in good health as defined earlier, so that  any deviations from an established normal pattern can be better understood and explained.  Lack of regularity developing within the normal reproductive age can then be used as a diagnostic aid . Children born into happy homes, with adequate nutrition tend to  have  the first menses occurring within  a range of  time period considered normal. They also tend to have less troublesome issues with menses compared with children who are obese, undernourished or malnourished.

    When  well nourished, stress free young cycling teenagers of the same age are kept together in the same apartment or  Hostel for some time, they tend to have menses coming about  the same time . Stress arising from physical, social or emotional trauma apart from being diabetogenic also places more cholesterol in the pathways for the biosynthesis of the female hormones, particularly estrogen. More estrogen than necessary at a particular time for the girl child is capable of evoking stimuli  that will force responses out of her which she may not have the capacity to control .  Stressful conditions  also have a way of weakening the immune system and reducing the ability of  the individual to fight infections. It is therefore more likely for the girl child in persistent situations of sexual abuse to die from infections  compared with older women facing similar challenges.

    Examine the policy that is currently in place in many of the Federal Government owned secondary schools where parents are not  informed that a child  is ill and on admission at the Sick Bay until the illness gets  beyond the capacity of the Medical team  employed by the School. One wonders if the relevant authorities have paused  to consider  the fact that some certain disease conditions do not give the patient  time to become ill ;that by the time it is finally understood that a disease or illness is beyond the professional competence of the managing  medical team an affected Child will have reached the point where her conditions are no longer reversible

    How did it all begin?  Why would any one imagine that a secondary school teenager who happens to know the symptoms and signs of early pregnancy will decide  to confide in the  Nurse  at the Sick bay in preference to her mother?

    In the  present arrangement of policies, rules and regulations,  most if not all the schools and colleges where our young girls are kept are  modified , glorified and regimented correction centres . In the  passion  to get the best out of these children and position them for better life, we have  failed to take into consideration, the  need to establish a routine  health check and  balance system that should be reviewed from time to time ,and in accordance with the School Health programme .

    Cases of child abuse occurring in schools and colleges remain untold until ten twenty and thirty years later, in some cases, victims die and are buried with their secrets

    By keeping them caged, with limited access to communication with their parents except visiting days, substantial periods of the life of the  growing and developing girl child are spent with people about whom the children know but very little.

    As the world  burns and conflicts spread like wild fire burning in the Harmattan period, the girl child is at the greatest risk with little or no room to negotiate herself out of conditions that are clearly unsafe and unfavourable for  health . Many will agree that when families are small, quality of life is better for the girl child for the simple reason that Mom and Dad will want to hold and to cherish .However ,even in polygamous families, every child wants to be loved and cherished ,to belong and appreciated, and out of sight is never out of mind.  Studies have shown that  whether  a family is polygamous or not, the girl child demonstrates unalloyed taciturnity, love and understanding. She sees her father in her  male teacher and her mother in her female teacher . This is the normal expectation. There are exceptions of course , but these are rare .  It is therefore natural that outside the family system, patterns of behaviour of the girl child can be used as an instrument to measure the degree of family cohesion available for the child to enjoy and vice versa . And so depending on the source of abuse,  an abused child is likely to grow up and become an abuser either in the family she will build or  the family she is born into.

    Under the conditions forced upon families by wars and conflicts, the girl child  within the families of internally displaced persons finds herself vulnerable to physical and sexual abuse even from members of the extended family.   Outside that, conditions that cause the girl child to lose one or both parents catapults the girl child into sudden poverty, with little or no capacity to escape physical abuse (including sex abuse) and negotiate for safe or safer sex

    A young woman took a nine year old  girl to the  Children emergency room of  a busy government hospital  crying effortlessly . She appeared exhausted  and barely able to stand  without support . Whereas the  young lady; later identified as  her Step Mom claimed she  fell down from  a tree  and fainted  , there  were scars  distributed asymmetrically on the  left  side of the body of this  girl .  The back regions of her arms and fore arms  showed  well marked healing stripes .  As soon as she was left alone  with the Nurses, she asked to be given something to eat .

    The situation just described is probably an example  of the physical form of child abuse .

    Long periods of separation from siblings ,mom and Dad  have their own independent effects on the girl child. Any forms of abuse by way of verbal, physical ,emotional and psychological insults serve to weaken the ability of the girl child to resist abnormal temptations, either internally or externally generated.  Compared with an adult of the same sex, the brain of the growing child is not as stereognostic. However, it is  likely to accommodate a mental diary of with a larger volume , to absorb and retain for longer time periods.

    As will have been known by many, to be in good health is not the absence of  infirmity or disease conditions, but a state of COMPLETE  physical , social and emotional well being.  Depending on the type, nature and duration, an abused child finds herself fighting to maintain emotional balance throughout life. If she grew up in an environment where she was persistently shouted down, and never allowed to express her self , she is likely to grow up timid and afraid of every move she makes.  On the other hand if she was forced to keep secrets as a result of incidents or activities forced on her, she is likely to grow up confused, with guilt, intra psychic conflicts and thought broadcasts . It is also important to note that depending on   particular circumstances, explosive types of behaviour, suicidal ideation and actual suicide are more likely to arise or develop in a girl child that has suffered  or continues to suffer abuse.

  • Abuse of the girl child: different shades, perpetrators and health implications

    Sixteen year old Omonsiegho(not her real name), an SS3 girl  in a mixed sex Boarding School was  asked to stand on her desk ; her offence? Not paying attention . For the rest of that class, the  punisher; a middle aged, unmarried ‘Geography Teacher’ ignored her pains ,suffering and tears as she shifted weight from one lower limb to the other , seeking any position that will reduce her pain and  give her some comfort . A few days later, Omonsiegho was called out to the front of her class and asked to sit on the floor .The rivulets of tears as she tried to express her innocence were made irrelevant by the relentless instructions and counter instructions shot at her to stand, sit, move away, and lie down .The old ‘angel and arch angel of Geography as he was often referred to, and  whose  selective notoriety the School Authorities seemed resigned to put up with was  at it again. The young girl went through emotional trauma she alone can truly describe, as she tried to make sense of it all . The questions on the minds of many of the boys and girls  who may have watched several episodes of this type of behaviour from the Geography teacher  may not be too difficult to imagine  ;  many of them would have liked  to know if  he would  do this to his own biological daughter if she did  whatever. As it turned out following investigations, the Geography teacher was in the habit of coming down hard on female students, and especially the bright and beautiful ones .It was his way of softening them up before launching attacks. He was  however  friendly with the boys and always ready to assist them ,even financially.

    If one might ask; is there something fundamentally different  between people who have willingly gone through  the God given  process  of reproducing themselves and those  who have not or are unwilling to do so? Considering that the human mind is the most complicated and unpredictable entity known to man, how do you tell which Classroom teacher is capable or incapable of doing what ,when it comes to  health of School  children and child abuse?

    Mr Geography teacher is using the persistent physical and emotional abuse of  Omonsiegho as a way of getting something he alone badly wants? How many other young girls have gone through similar experience? Can Omonsiegho find the peace of mind to read her books in the prevailing conditions?

    Child abuse comes in as many shades as can be imagined .  In majority of cases and for those cases involving sex, the perpetrators are not people you very readily suspect;

    Commonly  under continuous subordination, senior  students  may subject   junior others to various forms of abuse .

    Teachers at the top  may engage in all sorts of inappropriate behaviour if they find themselves in positions of absolute power ,where no one cares

    There have been  well documented cases of heads of religious organizations sexually abusing  daughters  and  their mothers among  their followers, doing so  for years without  any one daring to cry out about the  evil acts. Where such followers are regarded as mere numbers, physical abuse may take many forms  including excessive chores, whiplashing , shaking , pinching and kicking

    Cases involving  Moms  and Step Daughters have also been followed where  the girl child is starved  , placed on long periods of starvation diet or low quality diets for refusing to get involved in abnormal or  inappropriate sexual relationship with the woman she calls mother

    Uncles, Aunties , care takers and care givers who are deviant and yet see nothing wrong with their brains  have in several studies been found to  subject children kept in their care to different forms of abuse including those which place sexual health and reproductive career of the girl child in jeopardy.

    There  is indeed  a possibility no matter how remote, that  in those situations  where fathers are said to have  forced themselves on their daughters, they are not the biological or true parents of the girls involved. It is the opinion of  experts in DNA research that only women know the biological fathers of their kids, as most first born children do not belong to the men who claim them.

    When the cat is away , the mice play  without ceasing ;incestuous relationships are more likely to be common in polygamous and polyandrous relationships as well as those involving single parenthood where multiple partnering is the norm. In the study by this writer and late Dr George Chinyere Uzor, the researchers were surprised to observe that family heads were frequently in support and  at times pressed on to suggest it . The girl child in these settings  apart from the risk of growing up to be a disjointed  woman also suffers physical  and  other forms of abuse . If the language she understands is vulgar, crude and harsh, such will be her best way of expressing her self as she grows up with a character and an attitude. Whereas she sees nothing wrong in getting into quarrels and with the  free use of verbal invectives, accepting own faults and the use of words like ‘sorry’ may be strange to her. The researchers observed that religion,  level of education,  socioeconomic status  culture  and inability of Governments to give legal backing to the Child rights act were among the  important factors which influenced abuse of the  Nigerian girl child.

    It is  important to remind readers and stake holders in the educational sector particularly at the primary and  secondary school levels, something only very little about  how  the  strict rules and regulations in many of these schools and the ways and methods  they are applied place  majority of the female pupils and students  in these schools at very high risks of child abuse , including sexual forms of child abuse.  Unless the relevant authorities are constantly at alert and are able to maintain vigilance even during unguarded hours, loads of abuse can go on under the cover of darkness and with people least expected to be involved. Shame and pride will battle themselves within the abused child to prevent her from reporting any  such activities. Beyond that, there will always be  the fear  on the side of the abused child that she will end up being the one to get the blame . Moreover, she will have been warned  to expect  unpleasant consequences if she told any one any thing.  After all , students are usually not represented at meetings of Parents and Teachers’ Association.

    We should also realize that it is not only in Catholic schools that  young boys get abused by Priests and Holy Fathers for long periods of time without any one doing anything. Deviant patterns of behaviour are now being forced on children in secondary schools all over the globe By many standards, females have higher capacity for stress management and have demonstrated higher reserve with regards to practical coping device and ability to keep it inside, but girls mostly are at the receiving ends and would rather suffer in silence than tell .When a woman wants to tell, she is likely to tell it all, but when she chooses not to tell, she tells nothing to no one.  If similar abuses are being  perpetuated  by women of the same faith, no one will know until some one tells , which  as is the pattern with the males usually takes decades. What if routine psychotherapeutic checks were carried out in these schools, would it have helped to reduce  the  number of victims and the length of time the abuse lasted? We may never know . What must be emphasised is that  in  many of  the secondary schools and colleges in the world today, including my country, Nigeria,  there is need to  seriously sit back and  ask  if  some persons who have been entrusted with positions of responsibility  are not regularly taking advantage of some certain policies, regulations and rules meant to keep the girl child away from falling into the province of abnormal and dangerous  life style, to actually do more to cause more damage   in respect of her physical ,emotional and sexual health.

     

     

  • Abuse of public trust

    Some Governors who hold state land in trust for fellow citizens, under the Land Use Act, continue to abuse their privileges, despite the clear intention of the law. In Enugu State, some past governors are guilty, and there is concern, whether the present Governor, Ifeanyi Ugwuanyi, will tow that line, like his predecessors. Indeed, many political actors in that state, have used the much abused allocation of prime state lands to themselves and their cronies, to become stupendously rich.
    Such conducts are clearly an abuse of the constitutional prerogatives of a governor and I appeal to the abusers to stop it. The intention of the Land Use Act, as provided in its section 1, is clear enough, for any conscientious public official. The Act says: “subject to the provision of the Act, all lands comprised in the territory of each state in the federation are hereby vested in the governor of the state and such land shall be held in trust and administered for the use and common benefit of all Nigerians in accordance with the provisions of this Act” (emphasis mine).
    Despite the clear intention of the Act, to create ‘a trustee relationship’, for the benefit of ‘all Nigerians’, the governors, and in many cases, the state officials they delegate the powers to, often use the constitutional license to mainly appropriate prime state lands to themselves and their friends in government. During the regime of former Governor Chimaroke Nnamani, the iconic Enugu State Zoo, left since the era of Eastern Nigeria, as a wild life park, got converted into a posh estate, and given away at ridiculous prices to mainly state actors.
    And of course the majority of the beneficiaries were members of the state ruling political family, the Peoples Democratic Party, (PDP) many of whom are still in the present government, and may have gained more lands to show for their so-called public service. Without any iota of public shame, some of the commissioners entrusted by the past governors to oversee the state land use and allocation, cornered the process, to acquire for themselves and their patrons obscene quantity of the state lands.
    As predicted here previously; when Governor Nnamani left power, and a fight soon ensured between his faction of the Ebeano political family and that of his successor, Governor Sullivan Chime, some of the obnoxious allocations of state lands were abrogated by the new men in power. Of course there are several other ill-mannered appropriations of state land that took place, during that era, including the land earlier marked out as golf course by the state.
    Not to be outdone in personal aggrandizement, even when they sought to undo some of the ills of their immediate past, the successor-government of Governor Chime, stands accused also of taking over prime lands set out originally by the state for public purpose, and converting same to pseudo-personal purposes, for those in government and their cronies. Under Governor Chime land belonging to an iconic public institution, the Queens College, Enugu, was reportedly appropriated and shared among cronies in ‘exercise of public power’.
    While I was in the state during the Christmas break, a concerned indigene of the state called my attention to an alleged plan by the present government in the state to appropriate a land belonging to a higher institution within the Independence Layout axis of the state, expectedly for similar treatments like under the previous regimes. I hope that information is not correct, considering that Governor Ugwuanyi has declared himself and his government as conscientious, vowing to always act in the best interest of the state.
    If however the allegation is true, considering that Governor Ugwuanyi is still somewhat an offshoot of the Ebeano political family holding sway in Enugu state since 1999, and that many of the original dramatis personae are still hanging around in the corridors of power, are we going to see another round of sharing of public lands, by the very same public officials, charged by law, with holding the state land merely in trust and given the prerogative to administer same for the use and common benefit of all Nigerians?
    Nationally, the Land Use Act has been used for good and for bad. While the act has enabled the governments at little or no cost to acquire land for developments and improvement in the quality of life of many; it has also been dubiously deployed by major political actors to turn themselves and their families into some of the biggest land owners in the country. Many of the public officials by subterfuge, first take up large sparse of public land for agricultural purposes, through acquisition, and then surreptitiously convert same to estates, which they hawk.
    It was such duplicitous style that allowed the former President Goodluck Jonathan and his Minister for Federal Capital Territory, like their predecessors, to insidiously acquire large acres of public land earmarked for public purposes, and call it private farms. Regrettably, the abuse of the Land Use Act dates back to the inception of the law in 1978. Many of the military rednecks who were leaving power in 1979, used the dubious law to acquire community lands for themselves, in the guise of going into farming. There is even the common belief that the much touted Operation Feed the Nation was a subterfuge for such dubious agenda.
    The abuse of public trust has reached such a height in Nigeria that some faith-based organisations are now shamelessly competing with profit-making organisations to break the laws upon which they are set up, under the Company and Allied Matters Act (CAMA). May I say with all sense of propriety that some of our touted men of faith, who registered their religious bodies under CAMA may have serially broken the law, with regards to its provision on Incorporated Trustees, with the way and manner they deal with the resources of the religious bodies?
    Again, despite the hullaballoo about the tenure of office and the cowardly gimmick of the federal government in sacking the executive secretary of the Financial Reporting Council of Nigeria, Jim Obazee, to appease some gods, there is the general knowledge that it is the custody and proprietary rights over the wealth of the faith-based organisations that is at the root of all the apprehensions and struggles. Yet many of the leading faith organisations have long ceased to differentiate between the resources of the incorporated bodies and that of the private individuals directly in-charge.
    Of course many of them are not aware or choose to ignore the clear provisions of section 686(1) of CAMA, which is part of what the Financial Reporting Code on Corporate Governance, sought to enforce. It provides, with a minor proviso, that: “The income and property of a body or association whose trustee or trustees are incorporated under this PART of this Act shall be applied solely towards the promotion of the objects of the body as set forth in its constitution and no portion thereof shall be paid or transferred directly or indirectly, by way of dividend, bonus, or otherwise by way of profit to any of the members of the association”.

  • Loss of reasoning and abuse of title

    SIR: To the “end time army” of religious rangers in my country of birth currently fighting for “the restoration of God back to the American society”, Donald Trump is the flawless chosen one to lead this war. For that reason, it is tolerable for him to constantly throw temper tantrums like a child deprived of his toy or candy.  Even more, it is okay if he grotesquely denies things he said and did from the day he started running for office till date. Boasting about his unwillingness to acknowledge error is another peculiarity the chosen one is allowed to enjoy.

    For the records, I like to swiftly state that this piece is not meant to ridicule, pastors, Christians or Christianity. I am a Christian who has had the privilege to work in the Orthodox and Pentecostal religious circle in South West and Northern Nigeria, and currently in the Diaspora.

    Be that as it may, religious values seem to have, as a matter of fact, taken a twist these days. It seems as if we Christians are no longer raised to think. Rather, we are told what to think and, in most cases, intimidated into allowing one man or woman of God to further do the thinking for us. As a consequence, many non-Christians now see Christians as a collection of myrmidons who misrepresent what they preach or believe in. To many, church is now synonymous with money, materialism, and glamour.

    The consequence of this mistaken impression which we have, unconsciously, painted to non-Christians is creating more harm than good. The carrot and stick approach employed by mainstream Evangelical/Pentecostal leadership, and followership in Nigeria, towards growing false tales about the church is even making things worse. Their act of shushing people who voice out any opinion on issues they consider cultural, embellished or artificial also raises questions about the rectitude of our faith.

    Is the Church not supposed to be a place for educating devotees about truth, love, humility, forgiveness, godliness, faith, and encouraging them to grow in these tenets?

    Sadly, leaders in some Churches now teach rancor. They also help in spreading conspiracy theories, and encourage worshippers to be hostile to values that are actually personal and not biblical. As if that is not bad enough, we have graduated to interpreting series of local and global events on the pulpit in a way that violates basic intellectual, biblical and ecclesiastical decency.  For example, I read from a pastor’s Facebook feed that “ISIS was created by Hilary Clinton and President Obama to wipe out Jews and Christians from the surface of the earth”.  I personally think it is wrong for any cleric to fructify such rumours especially from a supposed place of spiritual authority. This is an abuse of title is escalating in our society.

    Well, there is no record in the Bible where we are commanded to blindly follow anyone. Instead, we are encouraged by Act of the Apostles chapter 17 verse 11 to be like the people of Berea who listened eagerly to Paul’s message. Afterwards, they examine the Scriptures day after day to see if Paul and Silas were teaching the truth. The word of God is the only source of truth. We should subject all that is taught or written to the authority of God’s holy word.

    As leaders in churches and teachers of the word of God, we should keep our personal views to ourselves. Our job is to help and encourage Christians to be Christ-like. Also, it is expected that we inspire them to double-check utterances from the pulpits whether the principles preached and taught are biblical or personal.

    We are not called to be bigots and policemen of the world.

     

    • David Dimas,

    Laurel, Maryland, U.S.A

  • Abuse: 100 women police for IDP camps

    The Borno State Police Command has deployed 100 women police officers in Internally Displaced Persons (IDPs) camps following allegations of abuse of women.

    Human Rights Watch (HRW) alleged mass abuse of girls and women by camp officials in its latest report.

    Commissioner of Police Damian Chukwu told the News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) in Maiduguri that his command was taking steps to to protect the IDPs.

    He said he constituted a high-powered committee to oversee the camps.

    “I have constituted a committee, led by Assistant Commissioner of Police in charge of the Criminal Investigation Department (CID), with Divisional Police Officers (DPO) and other senior officers, to take over the daily running of the camps.

    “It is interesting to say that most members of the committee are females. I have also mobilised over 100 women police, including mobile police women, to handle day-to-day interactions in the camps.

    “The male officers will be limited to handling of the territorial coverage and patrol within the camps,” he said.

    Chukwu added that the objective was to further secure the camps and give confidence to the thousands of women.

    “The deployment of women police is also to dig out true happenings in the camps regarding the allegation.

    “We feel the victims might not want to talk freely to men, but they will be encouraged to open up to women if the allegation is true,” Chukwu said.

    He insisted that prior to HRW’s alert, the police had not received any complaint of abuse.

    “We have not received any complaint of human rights abuse in the camps, so it seems strange to me. In each camp, we have many police outposts.

    “In Bakassi camp for instance, we have five police units because every local government in the IDP camp has its DPO and other officers, with all the compliments of law enforcement,” Chukwu said.

    He, however, said investigations would unravel the truth.

  • Rape, abuse in IDPs camps inexcusable, says Saraki

    Rape, abuse in IDPs camps inexcusable, says Saraki

    Senate President Bukola Saraki has said the increasing cases of rape, abuse, diversion of supplies and corruption in Internally Displaced Persons’ (IDPs’) camps are inexcusable.

    In a statement yesterday by his media office, Saraki pledged the cooperation of the Senate in ensuring the quick passage of bills to help address the plight of IDPs.

    He spoke when the United Nations High Commission for Refugees (UNHCR), led by Mrs. Angele Dikongue-Atangana, visited him at the National Assembly, Abuja.

    His words: “It is disheartening and heartless when you hear of corruption in the supply of food items, when you see malnutrition and mortality in IDPs’ camps.

    “When you see malnourished children and you know there can be speedy recovery when the necessary drugs and nutritional items are provided with the necessary food items.”

    Saraki pledged the readiness of the National Assembly to cooperate with the commission in addressing challenges facing the IDPs, adding that the Senate would work with the House of Representatives to pass legislation to enhance the welfare of IDPs.

    He assured the visitors of the Senate’s resolve to facilitate the domestication of the Kampala Convention on Statelessness and Protection of Refugees.

    Mrs. Dikongue-Atangana recounted efforts of the UNHCR to rally support for the domestication of the Kampala convention in the troubled regions within the country.

    She added that the UNHCR is planning a workshop for lawmakers on their role in internal displacement.

    According to her, the workshop will focus on creating awareness among members regarding international standards on IDPs’ protection.

  • Dealing with verbal abuse in marriage

    Dear Harriet, thank God I got a person like you. I have been in a verbally abusive marriage and my husband doesn’t see anything wrong in it. My feelings do not matter to him. I am psychologically traumatised because of this abuse. He calls me names like ‘mugu’, ‘idiot’, ‘stupid’, ‘senseless’, ‘goat’, ‘aturu’ (sheep) ‘evil’, ‘devil’; how I can’t meet up as a wife, more so that  he is keeping me because of the children, and that nothing good comes out of me. With all these happenings, I can’t have sex with my husband any longer or feel free with him. I need your counsel please.

    Name with held, Abuja

    Thanks for sharing your situation with us and seeking advice on how to deal with happening in your relationship with your husband. What you are actually experiencing with your spouse is a form of abuse known as verbal abuse. This kind of abuse is very common in relationships and, most times, victim do not tag it abuse because it is not physical or it appears subtle and hard to recognise due to the manner it plays out, so some victims do not know that they are going through verbal abuse.

    Giving a clear understanding of what you are passing through is of great essence, so I will start by explaining what action can be classified as verbal abuse and its effect, then steps to take which I had published months before for people with similar experience. This is not only applicable to women; some men are verbally abused by their wives as well.

    Verbal abuse is explained as constant use of words to undermine someone’s dignity and security through insults or humiliation with the intension to control the behaviour, thoughts and feelings of the person. For example: name-calling, using words like ‘stupid’, ‘idiot’, ‘fool’, ‘useless’, and so on. These words put your spouse or partner down. Yelling, screaming and swearing at your spouse or partner belittle them. Some feel so afraid to be free with their spouse or partner in the process. Victims are constantly ‘walking on egg shells’ for fear of been told off.

    Furthermore is the blaming and shaming attitude, the ‘can’t see anything good in their spouse or partner’, always finding fault, showing no appreciation no matter how hard the victim tries, isolation, intimidation, easy dismissal during discussions; disregard of spouse opinion or suggestion and controlling behaviour. All these are signs of verbal abuse.

    You may think that physical abuse is far worse than verbal or emotional abuse, since physical violence can kill or send someone to the hospital and even leave permanent scars on the victim. But the scars of verbal or emotional abuse are very real. They run deep. In fact, verbal or emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse, sometimes even more. It affects the victim slowly.

    A skilled abuser can actually destroy his victim’s self esteem while making the person believe that his or her action is done out of love and care. Moreover, verbal abuse can be so regular that it becomes the normal way of communication. In addition, it puts the victim in a confused state, not really knowing what to believe anymore, their own thoughts or the abusive words said to them, especially from someone who initially loved them.

    Other effects of verbal or emotional abuse are fear, anger, bitterness and resentment, insecurity, depression, rejection, eating disorder, psychological trauma and so on. Verbal abuse can take a great toll on someone’s health and general well-being if not addressed. More ways of dealing with issues of verbal abuse are to have effective communication with your spouse about how his talking down on you affects you and the relationship and talking about the attitude in a very calm manner, not through a quarrel.

    If you are not making any headway through this means, your next step is to suggest visiting a trained counsel or speaking out to a member of the family that you feel he or she will listen to for help. However, if he is the type that doesn’t listen to anybody, still make your report. Avoid silence because your abuser gains more control when you don’t talk. He might kick against it at the beginning. Learn not to force it but keep at it in a nice way and don’t forget to take your situation to God in prayer while you add action to it by doing the aforementioned.

    Think more about yourself than your situation, take good care of yourself and be happy, take up a hobby that you enjoy, register with a gym if possible, as exercise is a form of relaxation that makes you feel good with yourself. Nobody has the right to make you miserable except you permit it. Don’t regard his attitude towards you as your fault. Another step is to avoid isolation. Instead, surround yourself with true friends and family members for support. To stay sane, you surely will need all the help you can get.

    Moreover, avoid engaging in conflict with your abuser, be calm when he or she is upset, don’t give room for him to call you names, walk away if possible without an attitude. Verbal abuse, if not handled properly, can give room to other forms of abuse like physical abuse, the type that has sent spouses to their early grave. Don’t get me wrong, I am not an advocate of divorce, but safety is very important and must not be neglected.

    As you seek healthy ways to restore the situation, have the right attitude towards one another. Bear in mind that there is no moral justification whatsoever for a spouse or partner to verbally abuse his or her spouse, no matter the situation. Temper control promotes a healthy relationship among spouses which is a key factor in putting an end to verbal abuse.

    One thing married couples should be mindful of is the words they speak to and about each other because the direction of marriage is determined by the direction of the tongue. Take care of yourself and each other.

     

    Harriet Ogbobine is a counselor and a motivational speaker. Send your questions and suggestions to her on her blog: www. Liwh.com.ng or bineharriet@gmail.com, text message only 08054682598. You can also follow her on twitter @bineharrietj, instagram-harrietogbobine

  • Paracetamol abuse can lead to death

    Paracetamol abuse can lead to death

    Adults should not take more than six tablets of paracetamol (acetaminophen) daily, the founder and Group Chief Executive Officer (CEO) of  Emzor Pharmaceutical Industries Limited, Dr Stella Okoli, has said.

    She gave the advice at the 30th   anniversary of Emzor paracetamol, where a special pack was unveiled in Lagos.

    She said most users have ‘staggered’ overdoses after taking paracetamol in other forms, such as caffeine drinks or panadol, thereby failing to realise that the amount they have taken could be fatal in a few days.

    According to her, 500mg tablets   – the equivalent of 4g – should be the maximum dose daily, warning that any one who exceeds this dose will be endangering his life.

    She said some people may have  complaints, such as vague abdominal pain and nausea. With time, signs of liver injury – low blood sugar, low blood pH, easy bleeding, and hepatic encephalopathy- may develop. Some will be spontaneously resolved, though untreated cases may result in death.

    Mrs Okoli, who pioneered the production of Emzor paracetamol, explained that a damage to the liver, or hepatotoxicity, results not from paracetamol itself, but from one of its metabolites (the chemical processes that occur in a living organism to maintain life) Nacetylp-benzoquinoneimine  (NAPQI).

    NAPQI decreases the liver’s antioxidant glutathione and damages cells in the liver, leading to liver failure.

    NAPQI, inactivated by glutathione, prevents harm. When glutathione stores are depleted to less than 30 percent, NAPQI reacts with nucleophilic aspects of the cell, leading to necrosis. Necrosis occurs in the liver and in the kidney tubules. Toxicity is increased in patients with induction of the P450 system through drugs such as rifampicin, phenobarbital, phenytoin, carbamazepine and alcohol. This also occurs in patients with low glutathione reserves.

    “So, I always tell our people not to take paracetamol with alcohol. This is because risk factors for toxicity include excessive long-term alcohol intake, fasting, lack or loss of appetite for food (anorexia nervosa), and the use of certain drugs, such as a synthetic compound used as a bacteriostatic drug, chiefly to treat tuberculosis (isoniazid). It is important to remember that, when used at therapeutic levels, paracetamol is usually safe and effective,” she said.

    She added: “Over the years, Emzor Pharmaceutical has gone the extra mile in ensuring that affordable healthcare is readily available to everyone. This has made the company consistent in delivering time valued quality products and services to the delight of our customers.

    ‘’Ultimately, we see a world where unlimited wellness is available to all and affordable by all. We call this new world WELLOCRACY. It is our belief that a healthy nation is a wealthy nation. Therefore, we are giving the gift of wellness to our people, our nation and our world,” she said.

  • NGO drums support for anti-sexual abuse bill

    The Dream Project for Africa (DPA), a non-governmental organisation (NGO), is drumming support for the anti-sexual harassment bill in higher institutions being sponsored by the lawmaker representing Delta Central, Senator Ovie Omo-Agege.

    The bill, which is being co-sponsored by 46 other senators, seeks to prohibit sexual relationship between lecturers and students of higher institutions. It prescribes a five-year jail term for lecturers, who sexually abuse students.

    DPA’s Chief Executive Officer Oluwabukola Nelson led members of the NGO to a meeting with Senator Omo-Agege in Abuja, during which he expressed optimism that the bill, if passed into law, would help to sanitise academic environment and pave the way for students to compete favourably among themselves.

    Nelson said: “One of the inhuman things we do in this country is that, we leave the vulnerable to defend themselves. Nigerians deserve more when it comes to the quality of life. I urge that we generate more publicity around this bill so that we can create a better future for the generation coming by injecting the best minds into our academic institutions.”

    After the meeting, the NGO held a press conference to present the report of its project tagged: End sexual harassment and bribery in Nigerian colleges.  The project, it was said, created awareness on incidents of rape and bribery on campuses, which led to massive goal-oriented activities by advocacy groups, government officials and individuals, who felt the need to stop corruption in schools.

    A new campaign tagged: Influence tax payments and provisions of security to improve national and individual wealth was also unveiled at the conference.

  • Stop child abuse, illiteracy, pupils urge

    Secondary school pupils in Lagos State have called for encouragement of girl-child education and an end to child abuse especially in the Northern part of the country.

    In a Children’s Day programme organised by The International Association of Lions Club (District 404B-2 Nigeria), in conjunction with Olawole Lanre Akinsanmi (OLA) Foundation in Lagos, the pupils lamented the ordeals of their colleagues in the North and their expectations of government and the society, to make life better for them.

    Speaking on Child Abuse, Caroline Isebor, SS1 pupil of WuraVile College Palm Grove, said it is the responsibility of parents to ensure their children go to school; adding that parents should not discipline their children  out of anger, but in love.

    She noted that parents should stop using children as source of income for the family: “It is wrong for parents to use their children as hawkers on the street. Parents should be the ones to cater for the family needs and not the children,” she said.

    Isebor added that government should provide qualitative and equal education for all children, enlighten parents on the implication of neglecting their children, which will result to child abuse as well as a reorientation of Nigerians to be geared towards respecting children’s right.

    Victory Nzefili, SS 2 pupil of Brilliant Child College, Akoka, said children drop out of school as a result of poverty, lack of funds, insecurity and cultural beliefs.

    “The country must also be secured to ensure that the environment is made comfortable and the children feel secured to go to school; government must do everything to reduce the poverty level in the country such that parents will be able to afford their children’s education, while educating people to accept girl-child education,” Nzefili said.

    Another speaker, SS2 pupil, of Latmos Omprehensive College Egbe, Jeremiah Ajayi, called for the enactment of laws and unity among citizens to bring an end to child abuse.

    Addressing the participants, Running Officer, OLA Foundation, Mrs Folayemi  Akinsanmi urged the children to take their studies seriously, look to the future with the view to making progress, be good citizens, avoid distractions, be focused and ensure they get education, no matter their upbringing.