The Nation Newspaper

Tag: abused

  • ‘I was abused by people I trusted’

    In line with the theme of this year’s International Women’s Day, PressforProgress, Amede Ajie Women of All Ages Foundation (AAWOAAF) founder Princess Calista Ezinwa has raised her voice against sexual harassment, sexual abuse and called for women empowerment.

    She urged women to speak out and take action to improve gender equality, self-reliance and self-confidence.

    Princess Ezinwa, who lives in Canada, recalled that as a child, she was sexually, emotionally and physically abused by her relatives and people she trusted would protect her. She noted that for a long time, her concept of love was shattered and that as a teenager growing up in Oguta in Imo State, she couldn’t understand what love was and how she was supposed to respond to it.

    “As a survivor of past abuse, I experienced difficulties falling in love, trusting men and relationships with others.These difficulties influenced badly my relationships with partners, friends, family members and it extended to my children at a time.

    “I have never fallen in love before so I don’t notice when someone loves me naturally because people I believed would protect me as a girl-child failed me.  And this attributed to the reason why I dated married older men for some kind of security.”said the 47 year old Behavioural Therapist who wrote via email.

    Feeling unloved and not being protected by her own family made her withdrawn without anyone to mentor her as she made mistakes. She said not being loved and protected by ‘your own family can be hugely destructive to anyone’s sense of security and short-circuits all the positive messages and skills parents are supposed to be instilling in their children.’

    “I was self-reliant from a very young age and most of what I know about life I taught myself. I didn’t have mentors and no one to rely on. Most of the mistakes people make in life can be generated from lack of good parenting and supportive environment,” she added.

    Six months after Princess Ezinwa wrote her West Africa School Certicate (WASC) exam at Oguta Girls High School, Oguta, Imo State, she became a mother at 17. She was ostracised by her family and friends and had no means of income.

    She described handling the ups and downs of life as a teenage parent as difficult.

    “Many challenges I faced were people’s judgmental attitudes and continuing my education. I needed family support and planning so I can overcome these challenges but it wasn’t there. I did not get any counselling or financial support as it’s applicable here in Toronto, Canada. I struggled to give my child enough attention. I was worried about getting a job so I can feed and provide for her and finding a job in my town was hard as well as finding affordable child care or nanny.

    “I was so lonely and I completely forgot about my friends because I felt none of them loved me. As a teenage mother, I didn’t have much of a social life. I couldn’t relate to my old friends anymore and the things they talked about me were horrible. I was always with my daughter, going to bed at 8:30 pm and getting up at 6am to do house chores and be with her,” she said.

    When her daughter turned two years, Princess Ezinwa was recruited into the Nigerian Custom Services in 1991. She said working and raising her child as a teenager was her hardest challenge.

    “In truth, though, I think I was a great mom, and I know that my daughter is crazy in love with me. I don’t support teenage pregnancy because that is when a child should be learning and developing herself academically and mentally. But if it happens, parents should please learn to counsel and motivates that teenager. Because when a child is loved, educated and protected, he or she would make better choices and would face less negative challenges in life,” she noted.

    Princess Ezinwa, who holds a Diploma certificate in Developmental Service and a postgraduate certificate in Behavioural Science, is also optimistic about the development of girl-child. Having been a victim herself, she believes that creating awareness of the ills of abuse in the lives of Nigerian girls will go a long way in curbing it as well as making mothers pay more attention to their children.

    “Child abuse happens almost everywhere in our society and it is easily overlooked,” said Princess Ezinwa, who founded AAWOAAF in 2014. AAWOAAF educates and inspires mothers and girls via workshops to take leadership roles in gender equality at community level and beyond. It has empowered widows financially, supported less-privileged women and supported some girl children educationally in Oguta Imo state.

    Continuing, she said: “The girl- child abuse should be taken seriously because of its adverse effects to the girl and the society. I know the trauma of abuse will dramatically affect a child’s ability to learn and commonly presents itself as behavioural difficulties in the classroom. It breaks my heart to see misunderstood students disengaging from school and failing through cracks just because of their circumstances. Children only know what they see, so we need to show them that there are other paths to take in life. To break the cycle, I’m sensitising and inspiring many abused girls that they are not alone by empowering them to make positive choices and strive for a better future.”

  • ‘My daughter claimed she was abused’

    Mother of the pupil said her daughter told her she was abused by Adenekan.

    Mrs Oladapo said her daughter told her someone put his wiwi into her wiwi.

    She said: “I asked her who the person was; my daughter then mentioned Mr Adenekan’s name saying he did it inside his office toilet. After my daughter explained everything to me, I got the teacher’s phone number from the school and called him. Initially, I did not want the issue to go out because of the stigma it would bring against my daughter in the school.

    “Thereafter, I confronted the teacher not to threaten my daughter again and it was then he said I could go to anywhere to report.

    “He said nobody would believe me, that even if I told the management of the school, they would not believe me.”

    Mrs Oladapo said Adenekan should not be at the nursery section of the school, because he only supervises the primary section.

    “I took my girl to the school clinic where the doctors there said that they could not ascertain whether the girl was abused or not. When I took my daughter to Mirabel Centre in Ikeja, it was revealed that she had been abused.”

  • Abused woman seeks justice

    Abused woman seeks justice

    A woman, Latifat Adeyemi, who was allegedly battered by her uncle-in-law, Rasak Alabi, at Aga, Ikorodu, has cried out for justice.

    Last Friday Alabi allegedly hit the victim with a spanner on her head and face.

    The picture of the injured woman went viral on social media after a family friend Francis Ibirinde shared it on his Facebook wall.

    In a telephone interview with our Correspondent, Adeyemi said her aunt’s husband attacked her at their 3, Ile-Ewe, Sholebo family residence at Aga, Ikorodu.

    The makeup artist explained that trouble started after she got home on Friday night and discovered that the Air Conditioner in her room has been removed.

    “I was surprised and angry that the AC in my room at our family house was removed by my aunt’s husband. His wife stays abroad. The house belongs to my grandparents but because his wife renovated it, he has been staying there ever since they resolved their marital problems.

    “So, that day I got back from work and realised that my AC has been removed. I was angry. I picked my phone and called my sister, telling her that I have had it. That I don’t think I can continue staying in the house. I was still outside talking to my sister on phone, when the man from nowhere, hit me with spanner from behind.

    “He said I was making noise. That was how he continued hitting me with the iron. I was bleeding but he didn’t care. When he was satisfied, he went inside.

    “I had to call my parents and uncles before going to Ebute Police Sation to make an entry. At the station, the policemen asked me to go to the hospital and treat myself first that I was bleeding seriously. But I didn’t go straight to the hospital. I want back to the house to provoke the man so that he can come out but he did not. Then, I left for the hospital,” she said.

    Continuing, Adeyemi said policemen later went there to invite him for questioning but he refused to answer them.

    Rather, she said, the man went to Igbogbo police station to make another entry and took some men to her uncle’s house to arrest him.

    “He took vigilante members (Onyabo) to my uncle’s place because my uncle was against him. But when the vigilante boys took my uncle away, some people who knew him quickly contacted their boss and told him what happened. My uncle was released. But he went and got policemen from another station to arrest him, despite that our case was already at Ebute police station. My uncle was arrested and detained at the station till the following morning when other family members came.

    “I was on admission at the hospital and they had a family meeting and he said it was temptation. My bill was over N70,000. I was told he came to the hospital and paid the bills but he never bothered to check on me to see what he caused. Even the doctors told him to visit me and apologise but he refused. They said he paid the bill and left.

    “His wife too has not bothered to call me to find out what happened. I really cannot say if there was any problem between us. I don’t know. But the action was very surprising and I don’t think I want him to go free after what he did to me.”

    The victim who was at the Public Advice Centre (PAC), Ministry of Justice, Alausa on Friday, said she was determined to get justice for the unprovoked attack on her.

    She said: “The man has refused me access to get my things. My clothes and other belongings are still inside the house. For three days after the assault, I wore the same dress. I want justice. The police have not been able to arrest him, I don’t know why. So, I have gone to the Ministry of Justice so that the government can look into the matter.”

  • Lagos to cater for abused girl

    The Lagos State Government may has decided to take over the welfare of the five-year-old girl, allegedly assaulted by her father at Ikotun, a Lagos suburb.

    According to Police spokesperson Dolapo Badmos, a Superintendent (SP), the father, Surakat Idowu, 46, will be arraigned in court today.

    According to her, the Ministry of Youth and Social Development has indicated interest to be responsible for the child’s upkeep, who was still receiving treatment at the hospital.

    “The child is still recovering in the hospital. The suspect will be arraigned in court on Monday (today). The Lagos State government through its domestic and sexual response team of the Ministry of Youth and Social Development has shown interest in taking over the child,” she said.

    Idowu, a resident of 8, Kayode Toyoso Street, Off Liasu Road in Ikotun was nabbed after his neighbour reported a case of battery of the toddler to the police.

    He was alleged to have burnt the toddler with hot iron on her face and private part after the victim slipped and poured the waste meant for the latrine into the gutter.

  • Stakeholders divided over who abused consumers most

    The President of Advertisers Association of Nigeria, who is also the General Manager, Consumer Marketing, MTN, Mr. Kola Oyeyemi has undermined the proposition that consumers are helpless in their bid to seek protect against violation of their rights, saying corporate consumers are more helpless than individuals.

    Oyeyemi stated this during a symposium by Brand Journalists Association of Nigeria to commemorate the World Consumer Day.

    According to him, consumers are not helpless despite some of the challenges they face, such as erratic power supply, man hour loss, economy, security concern, traffic burden, among other family facing them.

    He said consumers, who are believed to be oppressed, depressed and difficult to please, have become knowledgeable, demanding and absolutely disloyal as a result of access to social media, mobile telephony which makes them to search for alternatives and voice their grievances against any marketer, producer or service providers.

    Oyeyemi noted that with the cosmopolitan nature of consumers, corporate consumers are more endangered than the individual consumers as a result of challenging operating environment which also further put pressure on pleasing the consumers at high cost.

    While defending the corporate organisations, Oyeyemi noted that with the level of consumer’s sophistication and discerning mind, corporate organisations are forced to break their bank to please the consumers who are inundated by many social issues.

    “When I see corporate Nigerian and helpless consumers as an issue I become worried that are consumers really helpless? A day in the life of consumers is actually full of issues such as home front challenges, power, traffic, work pressure, security, armed robbery, kidnapping and the economy challenges. For manufacturers, you know your highest cost is power. Imagine you want to market to these consumers, you had better prepare for war. With lots of adverts to capture his mind, you will do a lot to get him amidst his social issues which has made consumers oppressed and depressed individual and difficult to impress. Whose fault? Definitely not corporate.

    “However, I am not sure consumers are really helpless. There is tyranny of new consumers, which had made them knowledgeable, very demanding and absolutely disloyal. These are dangerous combinations. You mess up with them, they port to another brand, and he takes his money elsewhere. He is a potential porter. He doesn’t have emotion, sentiment; life has already beaten him. The little money he brings to the market he wants to maximise and with the weapon of social media and mobile telephony accessibility at his disposal, he can access the worldwide web to search for alternative brands, hence, making advertisers to loose their huge ad spend which was produced to capture his mind.”

    Oyeyemi lamented that the marketing game has turned to blood-letting in an attempt to please the consumers.

    However, the President of Consumer Advocacy Foundation, Sola Salako irrespective of the problems corporate organisations are facing, consumers are still at the receiving end as brands factor in some of the challenges in their pricing which are passed to consumers.

    “We can’t deny the fact that corporate is facing such challenges but corporate consumers oppress individual consumers who are at disadvantage more. No matter what corporate people say, at the end of the year, they will declare N7billion profit and as a result pass price to consumers.”

    Also, the Head, Lagos office of Consumer Protection Council, CPC, Mr. Tam Tamunokonbia said CPC is aware of some of the challenges and have called on chief executives of service providers in relation to poor service, illegal deduction, but they have failed to come to the roundtable to address some of the issues.

    However, the Marketing Director, Unilever Nigeria, Davic Okeme urged the government to encourage the real sector. He urged consumer advocacy groups to advocate for corporate consumers so that the government can address some of the challenges that make them helpless to satisfy consumers.

  • Since I was abused by our housemaid when I was 7 years, I have grown to love porn and masturbation. How do I get over my addiction?

    Good day Ma, I’m a 21 years old male medical student. Ma, you are not only beautiful, but also an inspiration. I was abused by our housemaid when I was 7 years and have grown to love porn and masturbation. I am trying to get over my addiction use because I’ve  had related health problems lately and I’m no more a high-flyer in my academics like I used to be and I don’t want to disappoint my Mum. Though I’m an introvert, girls flirt a lot with me but I shun them because I don’t want a relationship. Ma’am do you think developing friendship with girls will ease my addiction problems and clear thoughts of sex? If Yes, Ma how do I start? Thanks Ma – J.

    Dear J, at some point or the other, young people are exposed to porn, masturbation and thoughts of sex. But you can tell yourself today that you have control over all things that may slow you down towards having the perfect future you deserve to have. You need to sort out yourself first before trying to have female friends. You will win this battle against flesh and be the proud doctor your mum would be proud of and one I’d love to associate with in the near future. God help you.

    Below are some advices someone else in your shoes got, which I hope you learn from:

    Using porn and playing with yourself is a big problem. That kind of activity basically can start you down a path of addiction that can lead to all kinds of problems.

    You need to get a new hobby, asap; one that doesn’t involve a computer. Whenever you get stressed out or are otherwise feeling like you want to look at porn, go do the other hobby. If you really need help, go talk to your parents. Tell them the truth, because you may need professional help to kick the habit. – by Matthew Y.

    Porn addiction can be hard to control. Many people have lost jobs, family, and loved ones because they could not tame their porn habits.

    I suggest you seek some help. Here is a site that has addiction information and a directory of addiction treatment centers so you can

    help. www.addictionselfhelp.com.

    Good luck.