The Nation Newspaper

Tag: abusive

  • Obasanjo’s ‘don’t run’ letter was abusive, says Buhari

    President orders recruitment of 6,000 policemen ‘States can’t fund own police’

    PRESIDENT Muhammadu Buhari yesterday in the United States (U.S.) spoke on former President Olusegun Obasanjo’s January 23 “Special Statement”, which asked him not to seek reelection in 2019.

    The statement, the President said, was “abusive”.

    The statement generated heat across the country, with some analysts backing Obasanjo and others condemning him.

    The President spoke during an interview on the Hausa Service of the Voice of America (VOA) in Washington D.C. He is on a four-day visit to the U.S.

    The President said despite perceiving the letter as abusive, he refrained from replying in kind. Rather, he said, he authorised that the government’s reaction should be to tell the country what it has achieved.

    The President said:  ”Even when the Minister of Information and Culture wanted to reply that abusive letter written by former President Olusegun Obasanjo, I told him not to. I later allowed him but only to highlight the achievements of our administration.’’

    In his statement titled: The way out: A clarion call for Coalition of Nigeria Movement, Obasanjo accused the President of nepotism, having a poor understanding of politics and engaging in blame games rather than accepting responsibility for his failure.

    The statement read: “Whatever may be the state of President Buhari’s health today, he should neither overpush his luck nor over-tax the patience and tolerance of Nigerians for him, no matter what his self-serving, so-called advisers, who would claim that they love him more than God loves him and that without him, there would be no Nigeria say.

    “President Buhari needs a dignified and honourable dismount from the horse. He needs to have time to reflect, refurbish physically and recoup and after appropriate rest, once again, join the stock of Nigerian leaders, whose experience, influence, wisdom and outreach can be deployed in the sideline for the good of the country”.

    On VOA yesterday, the President said he had ordered the recruitment of 6,000 policemen to boost security in the country. But he said he feared that states might not be able to fund their own police, which many governors and others are pushing for.

    He urged Nigerians to abide by constitutional provisions on the matter.

    Governors are the leading advocates of state police. In February, Nigeria Governors’ Forum

    Chairman and Zamfara State Governor Abdulaziz Yari said the creation of state police would help in addressing insecurity in the country.

    At the end of a summit organised by the Senate Ad hoc Committee on Review of Current Security Infrastructure in Nigeria, he said: “Today we have reiterated the position of Vice President Yemi Osinbajo.

    “And the position of the security summit we held in August, that there is a need for state police; we can say it is the only answer.”

    But, the creation of state police, the President said, would not augur well for the finances of the states, adding that some of them were finding it difficult to meet their financial obligations to workers and other needs.

    “We must carefully look at the position of the Constitution on the issue of state police before we take a final decision on the matter; if the Constitution allows state police , so be it.

    “But don’t forget that many times the Federal Government gave out what we referred to as ‘bail out’ to state governments for payment of workers’ salaries. How many states can pay salary promptly? And you want to add more financial burden to them.

    “It is not proper to employ a person, train him on how to handle weapons and then refuse to pay him – you can imagine what would happen in such situation.’’

    According to him, his statement on some Nigerian youths being lazy was quoted out of context. The President said he hardly listened to music.

    He said additional measures were being put in place to check insecurity.

    “We will put in place more measures to check insecurity in the country , including increasing the number of policemen and training them.

    “I have approved the recruitment of 6,000 policemen by the police authorities and I directed that those recruited must come from all the 774 local government areas of the federation.

    “Even if it means recruiting one person each from the 774 local governments, they should do that instead of going to motor parks, railway stations or market for the recruitment.

    “I gave (police authorities) them this directive,’’ he said.

    The President said the media only preferred to interpret and report what they liked about his comment on youths during the Commonwealth Business Session in London last month, instead of concentrating on developmental issues.

    He said: “You know Nigeria’s population is now between 180 and 190 million and 60 per cent of this population are youths that are 30 years downward.

    “You know in the North most youths are uneducated or school dropouts. If not because we had good harvests in the last two farming seasons the situation would have deteriorated.

    “These youths even if they travel out of the North for greener pastures, they hardly make it economically because what they earn as income cannot afford them to meet their basic needs or return home.

    “All these explanations I made, they refused to highlight them in their report and you know the media in Nigeria in most cases only do what they like.

    “For instance the nation’s achievements in the agricultural sector where millions of Nigerians benefited financially were left unreported by the media.

    The President debunked insinuations that Christians were being killed by herdsmen.

    He said clashes between farmers and herdsmen had been on for the past years, adding that herdsmen were not in the habit of carrying dangerous weapons while moving their animals around the country.

    On what he does during his leisure time, he said he hardly listened to music but rather always obeyed his doctors’ advice on the need to eat and take enough rest.

     

  • How to cope with an emotionally and verbally abusive husband

    TRYING to cope with an emotionally and verbally abusive husband can be very difficult. Abusers create an unfair playing field so they can be in control. Tactics abusers use include intimidation, humiliation, coercion and isolation. Nearly one in seven American women have experienced this type of abuse by an intimate partner during the past 12 months, according to the 2010 Centers for Disease Control and Prevention study “The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey.” While there is nothing you can do to make your husband stop being abusive, you can regain some control over your life to make it better.

    Step 1: Living with emotional and verbal abuse can take its toll on your health and general well-being. Take care of yourself and find healthy ways to deal with the stress of an abusive marriage. Eat healthy foods and try to get enough rest. Remind yourself of your unique qualities and talents. Indulge in a hobby or interest you enjoy. Try starting an exercise routine or reading a good book to escape for a while.

    Step 2: Keep your support system strong. Try to maintain your relationships with friends and family as much as you can. Your husband may try to limit the amount of time you spend with others or sabotage your friendships. Tell them what is going on so they will understand if they don’t hear from you.

    Step 3: Learn about the dynamics of abusive relationships. Knowing more about the pattern of abuse will help you understand that the abuse is not your fault but is something your husband chooses to do. Speak to a domestic violence advocate in your community or call the Domestic Violence Hotline

    Step 4: Set some boundaries with your husband. When he starts a verbal tirade, do not engage and try match his abuse. Psychologist Marie Hartwell-Walker’s article “Signs You Are Verbally Abused: Part II,” published on the Psych Central website, suggests calmly letting him know that you are sorry he feels that way, but that you expect him to treat you with respect. If he continues, simply walk out of the room and give him time to cool off.

    Step 5: Prepare a safety plan. In its post “What Is Safety Planning?” The National Domestic Violence Hotline stresses the importance of developing a practical, personalized plan to stay safe while in an abusive relationship, when leaving an abuser or after the relationship is over. Even if your husband has never been physically violent, verbal and emotional abuse can quickly escalate to physical abuse. Your plan should include identifying safe areas of your home and planning an escape route. You should keep a phone with you at all times and know who you can call for help. Create a code word or signal so trusted friends and neighbors know if you need emergency assistance.

    Tips: Keep your car filled with gas and back it into your driveway. Lock all doors except the driver’s in case you need to make a quick escape.

    Warnings

    Take extra precautions if you decide to leave your husband. Abuse can escalate when a victim tries to leave, or when the abuser fears you might. If you believe you are in immediate danger, call 911.

     

    Source: livestrong.com

  • ILO to tackle abusive recruitment practices

    ILO to tackle abusive recruitment practices

    The International Labour Organisation (ILO) and the Gangmasters Licensing Authority (GLA), England have signed a letter of intent to strengthen their collaboration on tackling recruitment practices that trick workers into modern slavery and forced labour.

    ILO Director-General Guy Ryder, and GLA Chief Executive Paul Broadbent, signed the agreement in the presence of representatives of the Home Office, the Confederation of British Industry and the Trades Union Congress (TUC).

    The ILO and the GLA have been collaborating in the fight against fraudulent and abusive recruitment practices, forced labour and trafficking in persons over the past few years.

    In the framework of the Fair Recruitment Initiative led by the ILO, new general principles and guidelines for fair recruitment, were launched last September, and have been recognised as an a benchmark on how to address the issue.

    Rider said: “Tackling abusive recruitment practices is key to effectively preventing modern slavery and forced labour nationally and across borders. The GLA’s work has changed how the regulation and monitoring of labour recruiters is carried out in the UK. It is a model which can inspire other governments on how to implement the Fair Recruitment Principles and Guidelines.’’

    Following the adoption of the UK Immigration Act 2016, the GLA has been given new powers, including the possibility to investigate modern slavery offences related to labour exploitation, with increased powers of arrest, search and seizure of evidence of labour abuse.

    The GLA will investigate across the entire UK labour market, and not solely in the fresh goods and related processing and packaging sectors as before.

    “These extended powers will help us pursue our goal to protect vulnerable workers from being exploited in the UK,” said Paul Broadbent. “Strengthening our collaboration with the ILO will provide the opportunity to share the experience we have gained and contribute to training programmes and tools to increase reporting and identification of forced labour and abusive labour practices across supply chains.”

    Cooperation between the GLA and the ILO will also contribute to raising awareness on the Modern Slavery Act’s transparency provisions which require companies to ensure that human trafficking is not taking place in any of its supply chains. The ILO Protocol to the Forced Labour Convention also promotes due diligence by both the public and private sectors to prevent and respond to the risks of forced labour.

    “The fact that in today’s world there are still children, women and men in modern slavery, is an affront to all people and nations everywhere. We all have a role to play to eliminate it once and for all. Social partners are a central piece of the equation, together with other valuable partners such as the GLA,” said Ryder.

    Minister for Vulnerability, Safeguarding and Countering Extremism, Sarah Newton, said “The government is determined to eradicate modern slavery, it is a barbaric crime which destroys the lives of some of the most vulnerable in our society.

    “I welcome the commitment from these two organisations to combine their efforts, it sends a strong message to perpetrators that we will not tolerate any form of exploitation.

    “The government has extended the remit and strengthened the powers of the GLA to prevent, detect and investigate worker exploitation across the entire economy. We have also appointed Sir David Metcalf as the first Director of Labour Market Enforcement to oversee a government crackdown on exploitation in the workplace.”

  • Why you should not use abusive words in relationship (2)

    IN this second part, we will be looking at more useful counsel on verbal abuse, a quick reminder of what is regarded as verbal abuse. The use of words that undermines someone’s self-worth and security through insults or humiliation with the intension to control the victim.Spoken words are very power in relationships. “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”. Contrary to this old saying, verbal abuse can severely damage a person mental health and social development, living lifelong psychological scars.

    Verbal abuse eats up a home slowly because a woman who is constantly humiliated, insulted, called names and yelled at by her husband will have some reservations when it comes to giving her all to the relationship.

    Remember that you can only receive what you give so if you give out love and respect, then you will get same in return. A person you disrespect cannot show you love. Therefore, your behaviour towards your spouse or partner will affect the state of your marriage. Every woman loves to be appreciated and acknowledged by her husband or partner, no matter the situation or circumstances.

    Marriage  gives you the true personality of your spouse, his or her strengths and weaknesses, bearing in mind that you don’t love a person because he or she is perfect. Instead, you love in anticipation that you will be able to bring out the best in the person.

    Husband and wife should learn to speak kind words to each other at all times, most especially in the presence of their children, knowing that children mostly copy and practise what they see their parents do. In addition, comparison should be avoided. Never compare your spouse to someone else, whether a co-worker, a friend’s wife or husband.

    Meanwhile, the truth is that a person you see from afar is easy to admire because your interaction with him or her is superficial. You really don’t know her flaws.  Total acceptance, tolerance and correction with good intension are the keys to a happy home.

    Furthermore, intimacy in marriage is to be enjoyed by husband and wife, so a situation where a man only shows love and care to his wife only when he wants to have sex portrays the woman as a toy with little or no value. If you want a good wife in bed, you must start being nice to her from the beginning.

    You cannot be nasty to your wife all day and expect a good wife at night. That’s really not possible because most women find it difficult to switch from one state of mind to another.  As a human being, our feelings affect our moods most times. You can only be in the right mood when you feel right.

    In the first part of this article, I stated that living with verbal abuse can take a great toll on someone’s health and general well-being, if not handled properly.

    Another way of dealing with issue of verbal abuse is to have effective communication with your spouse about how the way and manner he talks down on you affects you and the relationship and discuss the attitude in a very calm manner, not with a quarrel. If you are not getting any headway through  this means, your next step is to  visit a trained counsellor or speak out to a member of the family for help.

    Don’t be silent because your abuser gains more control when you don’t talk . He might kick against it at the beginning. Learn not to make a force, but keep at it in a nice way and don’t forget to take your situation to God in prayer while you add action to it by doing the aforementioned.

    Think more about yourself than your situation; take good care of yourself and be happy, take up a hobby that you enjoy, register with a gym if possible, exercise is a form of relaxation that makes you feel good with yourself. Nobody have the right to make you miserable.

    Don’t regard his attitude towards you as your fault. Another step is to avoid isolation. Instead, surround yourself with true friends and family members for support.

    Avoid engaging in conflict with your abuser. Be calm when he or she is upset. Don’t give room for him to call you names. Work away if possible without an attitude. Verbal abuse if not handled properly can give room to other form of abuse like physical abuse.

    Don’t get me wrong. I am not an advocate for divorce, but safety is very important and must not be neglected as they seek healthy ways to restore the right attitude towards one another because there is no moral justification whatsoever for a spouse to verbally abuse his or her spouse no matter the action. Take care of yourself and each other.

     

    Harriet Ogbobine is a counsellor and a motivational speaker. Send your questions and suggestions to her on bineharriet@gmail.com or text message only 08054682598. You can also follow her on twitter: @bineharrietj, blog: liwh.com.ng

  • Four reasons you need to leave an abusive relationship

    IN the last couple of weeks I have had an ongoing battle in my head to write a piece about the scourge of violence in marital and amorous relationships in Nigeria. But I have been restrained by the thought of how it would be received, but the murder of Adebayo Oyelowo Oyediran Ajanaku; by his wife no less, helped me make up my mind. Like the late Layo, many Nigerians trapped in abusive relationships are unwilling or unable to get out or get help. Why? More often than not, the Nigerian society tacitly encourages the menace by excusing abusers and urging abused spouses or lovers to remain in the relationship to their peril. So why do I think it never pays to stay with an abuser? Read on.

    1. It is wrong. Nothing ever justifies violence against a lover or spouse, some men claim that their wives are rude, some women claim that their husband philander, and a thousand and one reasons, but guess what? The rod of correction is for the children in the house, not the mummy or daddy (as the case may be). The truth is that such people have problems controlling their tempers, and need help. Nothing will ever make beating your boy/girlfriend or spouse right. If you have a problem, sort it out, if you can’t, get out of the relationship fast, before you become a memory.
    2. It can lead to death or permanent injury. Abusive people are prone to uncontrollable rages. They are tragedies waiting to happen, oftentimes blaming their partners for provoking or inciting them to anger. Back to the woman who claimed to have stabbed her husband for having a child outside their marriage, rationally speaking as a Christian, and an African woman, it is nothing new, and does not justify murder. A sane woman would either accept the situation to save her marriage, or move on. Take your pick.
    3. It will never end. Cases abound of abusive husbands who beat their wives until the women land in hospital. And later blame such behaviour on the devil when they regain their senses. And so the women return to their abusers, hoping that the situation will change, and that the abuse will come to an end. The truth is that it never will, why? Because more often than not, abusers never change their behavior. It will only end when they break up or either party dies.
    4. It creates monsters. Human beings raise people like themselves, and that is one of the saddest things about the situation. Children born to such relationships abuse their spouses, and others end up with people who abuse them the way their parent was. I have seen men who hated their fathers for abusing their mothers; grow up to do the same thing even though they vowed never to do what their father did. The only way to break the ugly cycle is to get out, and get help. Abroad, the government provides counseling and shelters for abused women, but that is not the situation in Nigeria. Our extended family system however attempts to meet this need. Whatever it takes, if you are in an abusive relationship, break the silence; seek help, and get out, before you are carried out of that home in a coffin. Enough said.