Nursing mothers in their teens relive journeys into motherhood.
Ese Olori was full of life when she gained admission into a secondary school in Yenagoa, Bayelsa State. At 16, she was already in senior secondary two (SS2). Olori wanted to complete her secondary school education to fulfill the wish of her father. Her dream was to learn a skill and become a society lady. But her life became topsy-turvy when she got pregnant at 17. Her dreams were shattered because she was forced into motherhood.
The same fate befell Gift Pere whose bright future became blurred when she found herself pregnant at 17 as she prepared for her Senior Secondary School Certificate Examination (SSCE).
Neither was the case of Annabel Michael any different. Hardship hit her like a thunderbolt when she tested positive to pregnancy at 18. Sylva Young and Anthony Juliet also had their lives turned upside down after they were impregnated by their lovers at 16.
The rising cases of unmarried teenage mothers have assumed a worrisome dimension, particularly in Bayelsa State and other parts of the Niger Delta region where grinding poverty exists side by side with the enormous wealth of oil workers, many of whom are said to be in the habit of luring young, innocent girls with money and putting them in the family way.
Only recently, Hadassah Ibinyingi Alaputa, Port Harcourt, Rivers State-based Ms NigeriaUnited Nations and founder of Girls with a Purpose International Network, a non-governmental organisation concerned with helping unmarried teenage mothers to find their feet again, told The Nation in an interview that she had more than 400 of such baby mothers in her care.
She said: “My focus is on unmarried teenage mothers in our society. I realised that we have a lot of young girls who have children or are pregnant but nobody is responsible for them or they have been abandoned by whoever got them pregnant.
“You would also find that a lot of our young girls find themselves in abusive relationships and they are not able to move forward. They are no longer able to accomplish their dreams and goals because of these abusive relationships or because of their children. My focus is to inspire these young girls to dream again.” Alaputa said she had been able to reach out to 14 communities in Rivers State where more than 400 of such teenage mothers had identified with her organisation.
How they became emergency mothers
Ese, who hails from Ugheli in Delta State, was brought up in Yenagoa, the state capital. She was a victim of infatuation. Although she thought she was in love, the strong feelings became a fluke immediately she became pregnant. Her lover abandoned her.
She said: “Although the boy who impregnated me was not giving me money, l just liked him. Things were hard for the boy. He had no money. I didn’t have money too. But l had these strong feelings for him. I liked his calmness. He gave me a lot of time and attention. That was why l dated him and became pregnant for him. But immediately he impregnated me, he didn’t have my time again. My mother was the one taking care of me.
“The boy in question hails from Epie in Yenagoa, Bayelsa State. He pretended to be a good boy until l got pregnant for him. That was when he showed his true colour.”
For Gift, a native of Akassa in Brass Local Government Area, Bayelsa State, she was pushed into early motherhood by the economic hardship in her family.”It was something I was pushed into because of family problem. You know as a teenage girl trying to cater for myself, l never knew it would result in pregnancy,” she said.
She confessed that immediately she had a sexual relationship, she took in. And while some persons mounted pressure on her to abort the baby, she decided to keep the pregnancy.
“Actually, I was so much in love with the guy. I have to be sincere, my brains were not matured enough to know how to avoid getting pregnant,” said Annabel, an indigene of Amassoma in Southern Ijaw Local Government Area, Bayelsa State. On her part, Sylvia, who hails from Yenizue-Epie, Yenagoa, said: “l got pregnant out of frustration, lack of parental guidance, wanting to be like every other girl on the street, hanging out, knowing new people and new things.”
She added: “As a young girl, when l got pregnant, l could not do anything. I just found myself in circumstances l could not come out of.”
For Juliet, it was peer pressure that led her into early pregnancy. “In school, l had friends and we all started hanging out. I was trying to keep myself busy. I didn’t know anything. I didn’t even know how to terminate a pregnancy,” she said.
Rough road to motherhood
Ese could not quantify her suffering during her pregnancy. She said she had pains all over her body. According to her, the situation further plunged her into poverty. To make ends meet, Ese resorted to doing various menial jobs, including carrying loads on her head.
“I had serious pains and suffered a lot. Sometimes, with the pregnancy, l did many menial jobs, carrying loads. I did many stressful jobs and sometimes earned only N300,” she said.
Ese said she struggled to save part of the N300 to enable her buy baby items required for her delivery. Ese was only able to attend anti-natal care for a week throughout the period of her pregnancy. Eventually, she was delivered of a baby girl in a traditional birth attendant home.
She said: “l managed to buy my baby things gradually. I regretted getting pregnant at that age. l was suffering with the pregnancy to cater for myself. Some children were talking to me anyhow. People were disrespecting me. There was no money to buy things that l felt hungry for. There was, in fact, nothing and it made me to regret.
“The labour was very hard for me. It was prolonged and painful. There was no man to stay with me. If not for God, the labour would have taken my life. I only did one week ante natal. I was delivered at a traditional birth attendant home.”
Gift was, however, more enterprising following her business experience. Despite being industrious, coping with pregnancy as a teenager was cumbersome. She hustled to make money for her upkeep.
“It was hectic but God saw me through. And on my own part, I was not a lazy person. I really was hard-working. I was in SS3 preparing for my examination when I took in. What I did was to hustle for myself by getting myself engaged as a teacher.
“Even though the pay was very low, it was 5000 to 6000, but it was a also a huge amount because I was managing with it. Aside that , I had a mini shop where I sold recharge cards. I also sold kerosene, madiga (Bayelsa local bread) and other items,” she said.
Annabel simply described her pregnancy period as really hard. “There was nothing to hold onto. Things were very difficult. OIt was really hard”, she lamented.
“It was not easy”, said Sylvia, adding that carrying a baby for nine months as a teenager was a difficult situation. “I was very young and l had not learnt anything about being a mother. I had learnt nothing about being pregnant. It wasn’t really easy. Going through the pains of nine months, it was like something that would never come to pass. It was difficult for me; the stress, pains and all”.
On her part, Juliet said it was easy to become a pregnant teenager, but thereafter, life became frustrating and she felt like giving up. According to her, being a mother was never part of her plan as a teenager. She said she would not have gone through it if she knew how to prevent pregnancy.
Sordid tales at motherhood
Indeed, Ese, Gift, Annabel, Sylvia and Juliet never planned for motherhood, hence they lacked the readiness, experience and support to cope with their situations. They were mostly alone as the men that fathered their babies abandoned them to their fate.
For instance, Ese recalled with painful nostalgia how the man she thought loved her abandoned her immediately she became pregnant.
“After birth, things were very difficult for me”, she said. The boy who got me pregnant and his family abandoned me and could not even send money to me since l was managing with my younger sister. The boy told me that he had no money. He does not even call, because l don’t have a phone.”
Although Gift said she had little support from the father of her baby, the man in question was not rich. Even footing the bills the day she was delivered of the baby was difficult. Although she had safe delivery, there was no money to immediately offset the bills.
“I had a safe delivery. But when you talk about footing the bills, it was a bit difficult because my boyfriend, I would say, was not up and doing. He was not buoyant then. Nevertheless, we were able to foot the bills, but it took us some time.
Asked how she has managed to cope with life as a teenage mother, she gazed into the sky and said: “The issue is that I would not even encourage teenage pregnancy. As a person, I will never encourage it. In fact, that is my sermon to all the females I came across. It is a really bad experience.
“I am a single parent not married to the man who impregnated me. You know that men are not free givers. I say so because you are not married to him. He does not know your responsibilities. He does not know the needs of both the child and the mother.
“You as a female, you want the best for your child. So what you do is everything you work for, you spend it on the baby. That is what I do. But it gives me joy because I decided to have the baby.
“Although as a female, this money, l am supposed to spend it on myself and look good, the fact that l am spending it on a child that has a future makes me happy. But, honestly, it is challenging.”
Annabel said that giving birth to her baby was very challenging. At the point of delivery, the baby was sick and was immediately admitted in the hospital. So, she had to look for ways to cough up money.
She said: “I had a serious financial challenge. It was somehow because when I gave birth, the baby was actually sick. The baby was convulsing and we had to admit him in the hospital. It was a bit hard, but with God’s grace, I went through it.
“Being a mother as a teenager is very hard. I have no other financial help. It has been very hard. I receive many insults and hardship.”
For Sylvia, it has been difficult coping as a mother. “It is not easy as a young mother. My parents rejected me at that time. I was all alone with the father of my child. Sometimes, we quarrelled. Though things didn’t go as l wanted, l tried my best to cope.
“It is not really easy being a young mother. It is disturbing and it distracted me from things l needed to do at a particular time. However, l get some support from the father of my baby even though we are not together in the same place for now. He comes at times to check on me,” Sylvia said.
Juliet on her part said being a teenage mother made her to look like someone without a future. “It is not easy. I am staying with my mum. Being shouted at and embarrassed became my lot. It is like l don’t have a future. But l am coping.
“There has not been any support from the father of my child. He is not even around and has not set his eyes on the baby. I am the one taking care of him and l am the one going through all the stress,” she said.
Regrets
The teenage mothers have nothing to cheer about motherhood. Indeed, if they knew, they would not have taken in at the time they did. All of them regretted their actions, especially as their situations hindered their academic progress with some of them dropping out of secondary school.
“If you are talking about regrets, yes l regret a lot”, said Gift. “But right now, I am no longer regretting it. In the beginning, it was like, ‘Men! this is not what I planned for myself.’ Every girl would want to put the ring on her finger before having a child.
“But when it happened, maybe because of my religious background, I refused to abort it. I decided to have the baby. Nevertheless, people started encouraging me, saying it was a gift from God and all that. I had to accept it, and aside accepting it, I think I encouraged myself as a person reading scriptures. It is indeed a gift from God.”
Ese also lamented that her situation terminated her education. “l regret getting pregnant. I was in SS2 when l got pregnant. Since then, l have not gone back to school, and l don’t want to go back. I want to learn a trade or a skill. I want to learn catering,” she said.
Anabbel said though she regretted being a mother in her teen, she had consoled herself to learn from the situation. “Actually, after the first years, I really regretted it. But l decided to see how to come out of it stronger. I really learnt so many things from that. But l am not giving birth again until I get married and make myself better, work harder and take care of my son and myself,” she said.
“l regret being pregnant. But since there was nothing l could do at that time, l left everything to God to take control”, Sylva said, adding: “It was not in my schedule to get pregnant at that time. It affected me a lot and distracted me from many things. Following the distractions, l regretted being a young mother or getting pregnant at that age.
“It affected my education a lot. I got pregnant when l was in JSS 3. So, when l was supposed to be in SS1, l came back to JSS3. Seeing my mates and peers ahead of me, it was a challenge to me. I couldn’t concentrate. l was discouraged. When l was in class, l thought about how my child was doing. I couldn’t focus, but l struggled to come out very well.”
Learn from us, victims advise teenagers
The victims of teenage motherhood lamented the rising trend of teenage pregnancies and advised other teenagers to learn from their horrible experiences.
“Before you meet any man or date any man, let the man first introduce himself to your parents. Ensure that the man is responsible, hardworking and willing to help you in future”, Ese counselled.
She added: “Don’t enter into any relationship as a teenager. You need to be mature enough to understand what it takes to be a mother. Otherwise, what l passed through is what you will also pass through. I can’t easily forget what l passed through.”
Gift said: “Teenagers should learn to be themselves. They should not let people’s opinion compel them to experiment destructive lifestyles. People were always accusing me of going to meet boys even when l was not doing so. One day, l decided to start doing what they were accusing me of and it landed it me in trouble.”
For Annabel, it is not right to give birth as a teenager. She asked other teenagers to be cautious in their relationship with the opposite sex. She said teenagers should preoccupy themselves with how to be responsible adults by building a career for themselves instead of running after men.
She said: “I need to tell other teenage girls that it is not the right option to give birth as a teenager or outside of wedlock. You should think about your future how to make it in life, not to get pregnant for any guy, because they will only fool you, get you pregnant and abandon you in the end.
“The boys will always go away because they are still very young. And it will be a very bad thing for you to forget about yourself and give birth to a child which you know you are not capable of taking care of. You should take care of yourself first and learn how to work for yourself before giving birth.”
Sylvia also said: “l would tell everyone out there not to make decisions when they are sad or in anger. I did what l did because l was angry with my father. My father never respected me as a daughter. He beat and molested me. So because of this, l wanted to get pregnant and leave the house for him.
“The only thing that came to my mind was getting pregnant. But after getting pregnant, l realised that it was not an option and it was not the right decision for me. I would have sat down and reasoned with my father and do all he wanted. This wouldn’t have happened. To all young girls out there, don’t take any decision out of anger.”
Concerns over rising trend
Rising cases of teenager mothers have become a source of concern to many stakeholders in Bayelsa State. The sight of teenagers clutching, strapping and breastfeeding their babies is not in short supply in many Ijaw communities. Most of the victims of teenage pregnancies endure excruciating poverty.
The Queen of Brass Kingdom in Bayelsa State, Her Majesty, Dr. Josephine Diette-Spiff, described the trend as sad. Josephine, who has made the promotion of the girl-child interest one of her pet projects, said the society should rise against it. The queen, who is the Chairperson, Bayelsa State Traditional Rulers Wives Association (BSTRWA) and President, Royal Queens of the Niger Delta Initiative (RQNDI), said unprepared pregnancies and early motherhood has cost many teenagers their future. She blamed the development on increasing immorality, parental irresponsibility, poverty, carelessness of teachers and peer pressure.
She said: “It is sad to know that girls who are supposed to be in school, learn a trade or acquire a skill for their future when they become true mothers are beginning to get pregnant. This weighs them down and does not give them the opportunity to aspire to be anything else, because with children, they are tied down for more than a couple of years.
“Apart from getting pregnant, you will have to look after the child. It is a sad phenomenon.”
Also, the Convener of Global Rescue Mission (GRM) a.k.a. Operation Rescue, Princess Egbe, lamented the rising trend of teenage motherhood in Bayelsa.
She said: “The high rate of teenage pregnancy in Bayelsa is alarming. It is not just in Bayelsa but in the Niger Delta. But because l am based here, we are working here mostly.”
She recalled that growing up as a child, Ijaw had a cultural heritage that frowned at pregnancies before wedlock. She, however, lamented that such culture that promoted high moral value took a flight from the society. She said it is common to see a girl giving birth to five children from different men without marrying any of them.
She said: “There was a programme that took us to one village in Southern Ijaw. We did household mapping and l was alarmed because a 25-year-old girl had given birth to five children and was looking very old and unkempt.
“Right now, we have many children taking care of themselves because their parents started very early. You see one woman giving birth to five children with each having different fathers and none of the men is married to her,” Egbe said.
Causes, consequences and solutions
Queen Josephine blamed the trend on rising immorality in Bayelsa. She also lamented that teenagers are being coerced and enticed to engage in pre-marital sex against their will because of poverty. She further attributed the development to parental irresponsibility and carelessness of teachers.
She said: “It is because of increasing immorality in the land. For the first time that a girl sees a man, you find out that they are being forced out of cash and they are being forced and coerced to do things against their will, and most times, the people they look up to as a father figure entice and sleep with them. “I also blame it on parental irresponsibility. Between the parents and the teachers, children react to what they see in their environment. Sometimes, polygamous homes give birth to such things. When children grow up and see their fathers having children here and there, they are influenced by it.
“So, l think that it is something that the society needs to look into because we now have children that will not be looked after. We have children that end up being wayward, and that is why you have so much criminality.
“If the people concerned, especially at the grassroots like the local government, begin to address the issues, these girls would focus on acquiring trade or going to school because giving birth and looking after children as teenagers is too tasking.
“At the end of the day, some of them sell these children to baby factories and they are used for rituals. There are a lot of things going on in the land. Young girls should focus on their education and skills. They should forget about men, because men will always be there.
“Whe n you get married, you will be tired of having babies; you will be tired of sleeping with your husband. There are different stages in life and the teenage stage is for you to acquire enough knowledge to live a better life when you become an adult. It is a sad thing that is happening and l think that the government needs to address it.
“Parents should also look after their children. If you provide for your child well, l don’t think your child will be enticed with money or anything. If a child is given the right orientation, the likelihood of having affairs is reduced. Parents and teachers should talk to these children against immorality.”
Princess Egbe, however, said teenage motherhood is caused by lack of education, illiteracy and poverty. She said the presence of oil companies was also fueling the trend because of the poverty rate. “When a girl is offered a small amount of money, she is willing to succumb to them,” she said.
She added: “Parents also encourage teenage pregnancy. When a girl is going out, they don’t care. When a girl gets pregnant, the girl stays in the parents’ house to give birth to one, two, three children and, in some cases, the parents take care of them.
“The next thing, you see them playing in-laws with whoever impregnated the girl instead of making sure that there is proper penalty meted out to those who slept with the teenagers.
“There is this issue of defilement and rape. Most of the girls are victims of rape, and you know once they have done it through rape consistently, after a while, they become used to sex and it becomes a normal thing.”
Egbe described the implications of teenage motherhood as enormous. “It multiplies illiteracy. It multiplies poverty and increases more teenage pregancies. What you don’t have, you can’t give to your children. A teenager giving birth to children learns nothing and will hand nothing to the children, so the children are left to repeat the cycle.
“There are also health implications when a child is giving birth early. There are many health complications because the pelvic was not meant to carry children. There are also psychological effects. Most times, they become very wild and hostile and they replicate it in their children. The least is that the children can grow up to become prostitutes, armed robbers, drug addicts, traffickers, etc. It increases social vices.”
To tackle the trend, she said, the state should conduct a baseline survey to determine the actual number of teenage mothers and design an actionable programme to discourage others from toeing a similar path.
She said: “For now in my organisation, we do sensitisation through the mass media and one-on-one sensitisation. So, all hands must be on deck. Parents have a responsibility. Let there be proper marriage.
“We need to go back to our original way of living whereby we had values and reinstitute those values. Offenders of rape should be brought to book to serve as deterrent to others.
“Child marriage should be completely discouraged by government and religious leaders. Parents should stop playing in-laws because their daughters are befriending men. We should sit up. The House of Assembly should come up with laws prohibiting child marriages. Many of the teenagers are into cohabitation marriages.”