The Nation Newspaper

Tag: behaviour

  • Behaviour, events and functions

    The true test of civilization is not the census, nor the size of cities, nor the crops, no, but the kind of man the country turns out.

    • Ralph Waldo Emerson

    A foreigner in that gathering could not but leave with the impression that Nigerians are a noisy and unruly lot, people lacking in self-respect and personal discipline.

    • Eniola Bello

    We have all been lied to about the concept of African Time; which the majority have adopted as a practical way of life-taking a cue from our leaders and those in charge. The Special Guest of Honour at many occasions is usually a very highly placed government official. Such a person characteristically arrives exceedingly late at events.

    It means nothing to such a one that without their presence, the event would not properly take off. Meanwhile, citizens of even the smallest African country have respect for time, as do their presidents, leaders and officials.

     

    The correct term for our national malaise is nigerian time, not african time.

    In fact other Africans come to Nigeria and waste precious time here whenever they have to attend events in Nigeria.

    It is of no import making reference to the actual event that Eniola Bello was referring to in the excerpt below the header. Fact is, he could have been referring to ANY gathering of Nigerian big wigs, social or official, ANYWHERE in the country.

    He is also right on the mark, when he talks of the impression that is made on a foreigner.

    A certain foreign writer and journalist published a book on Nigeria after his trips to the country, each involving long stays.

    In that book, the writer stated categorically that ‘Nigeria is under-developing’.

    He spoke extensively on several issues in our polity but the one that lingers is in the opening. Here, a vivid picture was painted about events on a certain Democracy Day, the first; in May 1999.

    He described how unruly crowds who were outside the Eagles Square venue of the presidential swearing-in, suddenly caught sight of vans bearing the program of events for the day. He described the typical scene: the crowds went crazy, and ran as if on cue, after the vans. They began struggling for the programs like tigers.

    At a point, the vans were forced to drive away from the venue WITH THE CONTENTS, to avoid the milieu. But the people there, incredibly; gave chase: – leg attempting to be faster than automobile – just to grab a souvenir program. “My dividend of democracy”.

    May 29 2019 – check out the behavior of people at this year’s edition of the event: nothing would have changed, the commotion is certain. It’s now a part of [the] events. A very sad part of events, indeed.

     

    Is that what they are calling an investment?

    Personal and inter-personal relationships seem, on the one hand to be constant, and on the other, ever-changing with changing times.

    Not many years ago, the craze was for a foreign-based spouse (husband).

    For the away-Nigerians, their dream was to come back and pick an authentic Nigerian girl for wife.

    They snag was always the papers. The foreign-based man would have been out long enough to have become a citizen or at least to legitimize his stay. His local bride on the other hand might never have left her locality in Nigeria. Her first trip to Lagos or Abuja would probably be to the consular visa office.

    The chances of such a one getting even a visitor’s visa tend to zero. And so with her fresh new passport stamped DENIED, boldly across the pages, the damsel would sit and wait for the next visit of her husband. She would wait and wait, and wait some more. Some ladies would tarry as long as seven years waiting for a phantom husband to return in person, possibly to furnish the embassy with more convincing documentation.

    Most always these Christmas Holiday Husbands never return for their wives.

    Suitors come and go, the lady religiously says no (“my husband is America”) and gradually she transforms from being a Christmas Bride to a Grassroots Widow.

    These days it would appear that the venue has shifted home, and that the parameters have changed. But the long waiting game remains a constant, this time, for a different reason.

    We are probably used to the common sob story of guys who sponsor the education of young school-leavers they meet and propose marriage to. All too often, after the exposure/ maturity acquired in the course of higher/ tertiary education, the girl would graduate and REFUSE to get married to the long-suffering suitor.

    But a male friend has hold me that the Aro Mental hospital in Abeokuta has several female inmates who lost their minds after investing in a suitor who not only dashed their hopes, but also emptied out their purses!

    There is a lady wanting counselling on her relationship issues. She says that the guy she has been dating for 5 years now has made no progress whatsoever towards concretizing the relationship.

    Worse still, at the turn of the year 2018, which would now be their fifth as a ‘couple’, the guy called the lady and told her that if she should meet any man wanting to marry her now, she was free to!!!

    At this point you wonder – although they say it all the time that love is blind, surely even the blind can see from the guy’s statement that the very long courtship is well and truly over.

    Not quite so for the sister. She tells us we don’t really understand. She says she has invested so much in her guy, that in leaving, she would lose everything.

    A closer look at the plight of several single ladies today and you find very many of them trapped, but caught in the trap that ONLY THEY made for themselves.

    Can you imagine that a young lady would go to the bank and empty out her life savings to send a boyfriend abroad for a Master’s degree! Just on a flimsy promise to marry her. The lady herself has only a first degree. Of course, the outcome is predictable, with the first winter breeze, the guy finds warmth in the arms of a Stephanie, or a Kimberley!

    You sink huge sums of money into a business venture you know next to nothing about. You go into partnership with a man you are merely dating. You say you trust him very much-after all he has ‘promised’ to marry you.

    Lady, may I please ask you: your man promised WHO? He has never met your family, yet he has every access to your money! Then several years later, and with many business ventures gone bad; you’re now in debt and with nothing forthcoming from your guy, you suddenly ‘discover’ the glaringly obvious fact that your relationship is long dead. But leave, you cannot. You say you have ‘invested’ your all, in it. Sister, you just sold yourself dummy. It is a real pity. It’s time to Wake Up. WISE UP!

     

    • 07055547031 SMS/WHATSAPP.

     

  • Healthy responses and behaviour: Manners in public service

    Nigerians are indeed comical in many respects and when it comes to corruption, hilarious. Recently, it was claimed that a snake swallowed N36m from a public office.  That was still in the air when a politician claimed monkeys carried away some N70m of public money under his care.  It is a jungle out there and animals have all become avaricious or have humans become animals?

    In considering manners, we regard humans as a family of neighbours.  And who is my neighbour? This is a big question and perhaps one of the biggest questions for any society and indeed for all humanity.  It is a question that is too big for hypothesis and theory and research and investigation and reasoning and intelligence and law, but not bigger than the human heart.  Jesus Christ was asked this question and in all his wisdom, he did not answer it with a sentence, he told a parable.

    Who is my neighbour? This question can never be answered enough in a lifetime, not practically.  However, it is a question that leads to a healthy society. This is because the neighbour is the person that is always near us, the person we pass by and never see again, the person we share resources with, the person we serve, the person we provide for, the person we relate to, the person that depends on us to do the right thing at the right time in the right place in the right way, the person that depends on us to get things right.

    The public servant is a powerful person.  The public servant has the power to add good or evil to people’s lives.  Some good or some bad passes through the public servant unto others.  The public servant meets people directly, indirectly, in real life, or on paper and determines what happens to those persons, what they get and what they do not get, what they can enjoy and what they will not enjoy,  whether the persons know it or not.  Public servants determine availability and quality of feeding, housing, and transportation for a society; provide services, goods, and utilities; develop infrastructure; provide means and standards for educational and healthcare facilities; direct the economy; protect freedoms, rights, security, privacy, and dignity of all members of a society, etc.

    When public service turns from serving the neighbour to serving oneself, humans become like animals and – it’s a jungle out there, the survival and the thriving of the fittest or the greediest, or the opportunist, or the audacious, and the progress of civilization and development becomes confused and slow while threat and insecurity heighten.  Mental conditions abound and like the lion and the fox, humans rely on pure evil to feed and survive.

    Beyond the well lamented “corruption of greed” and the well tolerated “corruption of need”, there is that question: who is my neighbour?  There are no neighbours in a jungle.  Neighbours exist in civilized society.  The more we diminish the neighbour, the more like jungle we become.

    Public servants that use public service to enrich themselves, depriving the public of benefits, really insult their constituencies. It is bad manners and a betrayal of trust.  Public service or the lack of  public service that induces or causes frustration, deprivation, discomfort, disappointment, anger, poverty, misery, threat, fear, insecurity, rancour, hatred, rebellion, crime, or other negativities really needs to face this question: who is my neighbour?

    At present, the parable of the Good Nigerian is not ready for telling.  Someday, a new generation may rise up and with a better understanding of the neighbour and of public service, a generation that is mentally, spiritually, and physically prone to peace, fairness, and progress.  Various aspects of people’s lives: bodily health and capacity for work, mental well-being and fitness, personal fulfilment, etc., are related to the kind of public service they receive. Those who are parents and teachers, irrespective of their own personal mistakes, have a duty to sensitize their wards to manners in public service.

    Dr. Theresa Adebola John is a lecturer at Lagos State University College of Medicine (LASUCOM) and an affiliated researcher at the College of Medicine, University of Tennessee, Memphis. For any comments or questions on this column, please email bolajohnwritings@yahoo.com or call 08160944635

  • ‘We ‘ll not condone unruly behaviour on poll day’

    ‘We ‘ll not condone unruly behaviour on poll day’

    Garba Baba Umar is the Anambra State Commissioner of Police. He has fought the members of the Indigenous People of Biafra (IPOB) to a stand still in the state. In this interview with NWANOSIKE ONU, in Awka, the state capital, he warns trouble makers to stay clear of the Southeast state during the November 18 governorship poll.

    You have been here for just a few months and a lot of transformation has been noticed. How did you do this?

    The secret of the transformation as you have seen is hard work, dedication and the zeal of the personnel in the command to give the best. Much earlier when I took over, when you are dealing with your officers, you must be plain, and you must be seen as being above board in terms of discipline and ability to lead.  So, no matter how little you have, show that they are part of you and that you appreciate them and that you have the same calling. When you do that, you will see their cooperation.

    Is that why the transformation is not only on infrastructure, but discipline among the officers as can be seen now?

    That is what I am saying. When you discipline yourself, others will follow. I am a disciplined officer, and I believe in doing the right thing. I like my subordinates to learn from me. You know, a leader makes his subordinates, not the subordinates making the leader. When you say you are a leader, it is what they see you do that they do. You are like a mirror to them, and they do what you do. The officers here have seen me as a man of courage, honesty, sincerity, and man that is not corrupt, and they follow it. If I were a corrupt officer, and I move from one house  to the other, extorting from people and all that, they will also be looking, but they have seen that I am a contented person. I told them that you do not need to have money to be contented. Contentment of the heart is what you need. No matter what you have, you must  thank God for it. That is how I have changed the psych of the officers and men of the Nigeria police in this command; by making them to see right as right and wrong as wrong, and clearly they have seen that right is right and wrong is wrong. When it come to work, I also make them to understand, I come to work at 7;30 am, and by 8am I have started work  and we close late and am with them all the time, sometimes at 11 pm or 12am, and even at that, I also join them on patrol, and I ginger them, talk to them on the walkie talkie and tell them I am in so so place, and so so person is not there and theise is what is  called checks and balances, and as a leader if you do that you do not have problem. That is what we are doing in Anambra state.

    You have been here for sometime now, how would you describe policing in Anambra State?

    Policing here is easy. If someone tells you it is difficult, then, it is not the truth. If you find it difficult, it means that you do not have the strategy. But, when you have the strategy, it will be easy for you. The strategy is what I am adopting, like we have what we call patrol teams, these patrol teams, at time they have what they call sector commander, and there is no central body that commands, regularize or supervise and disseminate information. I formed that kind of habit, that is what is called checks and balances.

    How prepared is the Anambra State police command for the governorship election?

    Our preparation is high and it is water tight. The Nigeria police and other security agencies are ready if INEC is ready. We know the number of polling booths, we know the number of collation centers, we know all the number of black spots in the state. We have done our best in strategizing for a safe election in the state, and even those that are coming from other states have been adequately tutored on what their job is, and they need not to converge here in Awka because we already know where we are taking them to. The Inspector General was meticulous in this. Physically he did the operation by himself, having gotten all the areas that require to be covered, so you can see that we are prepared and we have the best of security and we assure the people that they will get the best and we are ready. Even those coming from Awka, we have decentralised our function. We are ready, we have the best. The IG did all the mobilisation by himself and you can see that we have taken everything into cognizance, so we can have free and fair election. We assure members of the public that we will have the best election with enough security and people are sure, and they know and have seen our strategy in security and they are ready to come out and vote because they have seen our strategy.

    Don’t forget that this is the only tome in the history of election in Nigeria that three months to a major election, we have not recorded any ugly incidence, and these is the highest of governorship candidates contesting for one seat in the history of Nigeria. 37 of them, this is the highest, we have never had these number before, and yet we have not recorded any violence, these is to tell you that that security is working in this state.

    What assurances do you have for the people in terms of security?

    Let me tell you, the Electoral Act says each polling unit must be covered by three police officers, and what we are doing is that each polling unit would be covered by three police officers, and we have 4,608 polling booths in the state. If you multiply that by three, you know how many police officers we will be deploying there.

    Again, there are 326 Registration Area Centres(RAC), and that is where most of our men would be , and if you multiply five men in each of the RAC by 326, you will know the answer. Then, there are 414 major streets and black spots in the state, and if we deploy seven to 10 men to these places, you will know why we are deploying that large number of police to the state. In the riverine areas, INEC has 40 buses that will convey materials and personnel, we have Navy to man those places. We also have what we call standby, just in the event of any trouble. We have eight entry points in the state; Anambra has border with Kogi, Ebonyi, Abia, Imo, Enugu and the rest, and we are sending 15 men to those places. We have banks, institutions, tertiary institutions, we have helicopters that will be carrying out aerial surveillance on that day in the three senatorial districts. We also have 21,000 men that will be escorting INEC materials in and out of the state, and we have these adhoc staff that will be working and we need to provide security for them, same for those that will be at the INEC headquarters. By the time you add all these, you will see that that number is not as high as you think.

    So, What is your assurance for the people regarding their fears over security?

    My assurance to the people is that the security that is coming is in line with what is required. It is to ensure their safety. It is not a war, it is an election and it is about their safety. Ask those who re in Edo State where there have clashes and even fights, there were 38,000 police men in Ondo State, there were over 35,000 in Ekiti, there were over 40,000 in  Rivers State, even before the election. Here in Anambra, we are trying to be minimal. This is because Anambra is not a volatile state, but that does not mean we will ignore security entirely. We have t provide security here.

    IPOB is still threatening that there will be no election in Anambra State. How ready is your command for these people?

    We are aware that IPOB is an already proscribed group, and the proscription stops them from meeting or carrying out any activity. Through our intelligence network, if we hear any noise from them, we will go after them. Since their proscription, we have not had more activities from them like before when they go about molesting people. Sometimes, they pass through my office and even throw stones at us and insulting us, but since the Federal Government waded in and they are proscribed, we will not have any of that because they are now an illegal organization and if they surface, we will go after them. As I said before, the IPOB people have not been kind to Ndi Anambra because as a result of them, peoples businesses have been challenged and made to suffer set back, and there is need for us, the security agencies to wade in and make sure they are not allowed to do anything that will bring crisis in the state. That is why we are after them. We do not have problem with anyone that is not a member of IPOB, but the moment we see you with anything that belongs to IPOB, automatically, you are a member. We are telling the people; do not listen to IPOB, do not be a member, be law abiding citizen and I know Anambra people are law abiding citisens and will not engage in the wrong thing.

    What message do you have for IPOB members as elections draw near?

    I don’t have any message for them. We don’t have IPOB any longer. They have been proscribed. So, who am I giving advice? People that do not exist? They do no exist. So, there is no advice to give to people who are not in existence.

    These people send us press releases and they are very strong about elections not holding, and their press releases are usually signed by one Emma Powerful.

    Tell that Emma or whoever he is that he is a coward. He is always in hiding and cannot come out in the open and talk. Tell him it is an advice from the commissioner of police in Anambra, that he should stop misleading the people, if he thinks he has a cause, let him come out of hiding. As far as I am concerned, there is nothing like IPOB, that person you are talking about is a criminal. He is a kidnapper and he wants people to remain in their houses on that day that police will be busy working in the field, so that he will attack people in their houses. He wants to use it as opportunity to perpetuate crime. People should not stay in their houses, they should come out enmasse to vote. Anambra people will not allow themselves to be divided because United we stand, divided we fall. If we let them instill fears in our minds, then they have achieved their aim, so we must not let them.

    What is your message for your men who will be on duty on that day?

    My message to them is simple. They should exhibit high sense of discipline and try not to be partisan in the discharge of their duty. They must know that the era when unscrupulous politicians used police officers to commit electoral offences is over. They should be careful. We resolved here in the Anambra Command to be neutral and you will see transformation in our services.

    How about politicians, what is your advice to them?

    I will only ask them to play by the rules I know most of the politicians want peace, and they want security and a level playing ground. We expect that they will do the right thing, but anyone that does anything contrary, they will reap the consequences of their actions.

    Some say they are sacred cows, particularly those who think they have federal connections?

    I do not know about those set of people. Maybe, you do not know who I am. But, when I took this job as a young officer, there were some oaths I took, which I will always abide by in doing this job, and no one can push me into doing the wrong thing.

    After the election comes Christmas with its attendant challenges, what message do you have for Anambra people?

    We usually make ember months plans, which also include Christmas. Look, tell Anambra people where ever they may be that this will be one of the most enjoyable Christmas in Anambra state in terms of security, and they should not waste time to come back for the festive period to enjoy themselves. We intend to give them the best and they will get the best this year.

  • Consumer behaviour threatens legacy brand Seaman’s Schnapps

    Consumer behaviour threatens legacy brand Seaman’s Schnapps

    Some legacy brands, including Schnapps, are facing consumer apathy. Olufemi Babalogbon writes that unless their producers addressed the problem, their products may soon become extinct. 

    In 1985, when Chief Akin Odunsi created Seaman’s Aromatic Schnapps, the target was “the Nigerian yuppies, who seek to impress clansmen back in the village”, according to a 1987 report by New York Times’ James Brooke.

    In the early 1980s, when Nigeria and Ghana experienced foreign exchange pressure, and there was a need to produce a local schnapps to replace the imported one in West Africa, the imported brands, such as Blankenheym & Nolet and De Kuyper, were the favourites of elders in the village.

    At inception, Seaman’s adverts targeted youths. The TV advert in 1987 ended with ‘’Seaman’s aromatic schnapps -preferred by our elders for libations”.

    This tagline was in consonance with the consumer behaviour of the yuppies who prefer to take Schnapps as a gift to the elders, who would receive the drinks, pour some as libation, and offer some prayers.

    In contrast, Schnapps is a drink for the boys in the United States; so relevant that the late 2 Pack Shakur rapped about “Dripping peppermint Schnapps, with Jackie Wilson, and Sam Cooke” in his track titled: “Thugz Mansion”. Flavoured schnapps, he meant!

    The brand and the millenials

    Seaman’s Aromatic Schnapps is a legacy brand, just like Alabukun powder. Storied as the No 1 prayer drink, Seaman’s Schnapps thrives on festivals, the tradition of using drinks for libation, and of using drinks to pray during weddings, naming, coronations, and other forms of celebration. This proposition would be successful only as long as the culture it promotes thrives.

    This year, more than half of Nigerian population is under 30, and most brands focus on them for wallet share. These youths have interests in entertainment, social drinking and culture of night-clubbing, urban culture and charismatic religious practice. Also, the elders in the village do not fancy Schnapps as a gift, except if there is a celebration. At motor parks in Lagos, where people board buses to their villages, bread-sellers get repeat purchases as bread is the common gift for the elders. These emerging consumer behaviours and lifestyles may pose some threat to the legacy brand.

    Reviving the legacy brand

    In a market, which gives large wallet share to beer and wine, Schnapps competes in the spirits category, which has the likes of McDowell being merchandised by Guinness Nigeria PLC, a company with 54 per cent share of the Strong Spirits Category.

    Beyond the rivalry in the Spirits Category, Seaman’s Schnapps will struggle to be relevant and appeal to millennials who spend so much on spirits but are rather lovers of social brands, such as Hennessey and Johnny Walker.

    A visit to various night clubs across Lagos showed that Schnapps are not being sold at these hubs of night entertainment. Gold Oark Limited has introduced some innovations, including providing Seaman’s Schnapps in handy sachets. This is successful as it gives the drink some competitive advantage and makes the product available for social drinking.

    However, the use of social media to promote the brand, and the introduction of a mobile game – Seaman’s Ayo – are not sufficient to make the brand relevant to the evolving millennial culture. The Seaman’s Ayo game, which could be downloaded via google play store or played via Seaman’s Schnapps’ facebook page, is, however, a strategic consumer-engagement initiative.  But the game has rather made the cultural age-long game, Ayo Olopon, relevant to millenials who ordinarily use mobile apps. It fails to make Seaman Schnapps relevant to the youth.

    Against the waves of culture

    The #ShareABlessing campaign of Seaman’s Schnapps uses festivals, traditional figures, aboriginal practices and traditional leaders as icons of ad messages. A key component of strategy should be the evolving culture, and not a tradition that belongs to ages past. The millenials have embraced new religious ideologies. A tongue-speaking couple would not make use of a drink for prayer. They would use a bottle of anointing oil! In Ghana, a cleric, Apostle Kwamena Ahinful, urged former President Ata Mills in the latter’s aloofness to libation at public functions.

    Wrappa, a South African brand consultancy firm, warned that legacy brands die “because of rigid marketing strategies and redundant products that did not evolve”.

    The brand communications being churned out by the manufacturer of Seaman’s Schnapps do not resonate with Nigerians.

    During Seaman’s Centenary pack launch in 2014, executives of Grand Oak Limited reportedly said: “Consumers should embrace the centenary pack as a conveyor of their prayers for Nigeria at 100”. Those words rather reinforced ritual practice and keep the potential consumers detached from the brand, an analyst said.

    The way to go

    Poju Bakare, Head of Digital at Noah’s Ark, an advertising agency based in Lagos, said Seaman’s Schnapps is going to survive, if the product evolves.

    Poju, an alumnus of Orange Academy, added: “What if they change the shape of the bottle to something fanciful? What if they make a luxury brand of Seaman’s and packaged it in a wooden box? What if they make flavoured varieties of Seaman’s schnapps?”

    Brand Strategist and Chief Executive Officer (CEO), Beacon Media & Communications, Enyinnaya Iroadum-ba, advised that the campaign for the legacy brand should be refocused on millennial culture.

    He explained: “If Seaman’s Schnapps must remain relevant in years to come, the product must be changed from being a prayer drink to an everyday drink.”

    The book titled: “The King of Drinks: Schnapps Gin from Modernity to Tradition” by Dmtri Van Den Bersselaar, a social scientist, supported  both Poju and Enyinnaya. It discusses the failure of Dutch’s Schnapps Gin in West Africa between 1980 and 2000, citing that the gin was restricted to the ritual sphere.

    The book adds: “The Dutch gin distillers and importers failed to reposition gin as a modern drink that could be consumed in a wide range of circumstances.”

    Therefore, the way to go for Seaman’s Aromatic Schnapps is to reposition it for social drinking. Perhaps we can have Seaman’s Flavoured Schnapps!

  • Ways to tackle change in behaviour

    DEAR Harriet, I am 26 years old. My fiancé and I have been together for some years now. Our marriage is around the corner. Recently, he keeps telling me that I should allow him to rest. I don’t understand his reasons for such statement.

    His intimacy with me has also taken a new dimension. Personally, I really don’t know how long this will last. I love him and he has become a part of me and a member of my family because everybody in my family knows and like him a lot.

    Please, I need your counsel.

    Thanks.

    Name withheld, Akwa Ibom State.

     

    Thanks for sharing your problem with us. To be in a relationship with someone, especially if the person is on the same page as you, it is actually a thing of joy.

    Therefore, for any relationship to be successful, be it with family, friends, neighbours, colleagues and so on, information is vital and this is a fact when it comes to understanding the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

    Attitude, as we know, is the predisposition or tendency to respond positively or negatively towards certain ideas, objects, persons or situations. It is a powerful tool for positive action, but when used negatively, it reflects in bad actions and behavior, so confrontation by the means of communication is the first step we must bear in mind in dealing with a situation like yours.

    Interaction is the heart of every relationship, and for it to be effective, it is very important to note three factors: what to say, how to say it and when to talk. This is why we have a case of someone claiming that his or her action is misinterpreted.

    So in order to avoid such scenario, it will be a nice idea to actually discuss with him to find out what the problem is, if there is any reason for him to pass such a statement.

    It could be something different from what you think, so the only way you can find out the motive for his change of attitude is by engaging your partner or spouse in a relaxed conversation at the right time.

    Avoid assumption if you want to have a successful relationship.  What it does is to give you false impression instead. Note, you are no mind reader, so ask questions for proper clarification before jumping into conclusion about the situation.

    Moreover, his statement, “let me rest” can connote a lot. Have you considered the fact that he might be going through personal issues? It may not necessary be from you as a person. It could be his job, family, or the whole marriage preparation since it’s just around the corner.

    Listen, it might be anything, but the good news is that he is the only one in a better position to let you in on what he is experiencing that makes him feel that he really does not want additional stress at the moment, so learn not to take it to heart rather find a way to let him tell you what is happening to him.

    In addition, avoid nagging, but prepare to be considerate by listening attentively to him, bearing in mind that you are in it together. Furthermore, once you have succeeded in clearing the air about his action, then let him understand how his action is affecting you.

    To sustain a healthy relationship is ability to always tackle your issues as they come amicably no matter the circumstances. Some people want to get married, but as the time starts approaching, some might start experiencing cool feet for different reasons.

    Marriage is a lifetime commitment and a beautiful thing that must not be rushed into. That is why it is important that you must be truthful to yourself by evaluating your relationship critically before taking the bold step. Intimacy in a relationship is another important aspect that must be discussed. However, it mostly advised to keep it on hold, while dating in order to have a good sense of judgment. After all, you are going to get married soon.

    Self-discipline is another important factor that helps a marriage to be successful, and it is best practised while dating, so that when eventually you get married, no matter the circumstance, you can handle it. There is more to marriage than you can imagine, so learn to look deeper.

    Take care of yourself and each other.

     

    Harriet Ogbobine is a counsellor and a motivational speaker. Send your questions and suggestions to her blog; www.liwh.com.ng, text messages only 08054682598 or bineharriet@gmail.com.  You can follow her on twitter: @bineharrietj and instagram: harrietogbobine.

  • Making people change their behaviour

    Behavioural change practitioners from different parts of the country came together recently at a conference tagged “Building a sustainable practice in Nigeria.” The forum was a dialogue with practitioners, prospective practitioners and members of the public. The deliberations focused on how to bring practitioners in the industry together to be able to chart a course as well as set up a framework and working structure for those involved in change work.

    The team of experienced speakers included Lanre Olushola, an alumnus of the Harvard Business School, Dr Tylor Ilori, Innocent Usar, Praise Fowewe and Dr Maymunah Kadiri. Kadiri’s knowledge in the field of psychiatry and psychology provides her a sound foundation and has helped her develop a strong practice in the area of stress management and employee performance problems, conflict resolution, team building issues and other inter personal or behavioural areas that have negative impact on productivity.

    For the convener of the programme, Samuel Obafemi, a Computer Science graduate of Abubakar Tafawa Balewa University, “We believe that everybody ordinarily likes to do change work. This is inclusive of HR managers, counsellors, therapists, coaches and psychologists. Apart from medical practice, it involves religious leaders in schools doing guidance and counselling. We are all interested in making people to change their behaviour.”

    The life coach and author adds that there is a lot of unregulated practice and profit is not clear. “Even those who have problems are abused because there is no structure. What we are doing is to bring practitioners together to see a harmonisation of our practice.”

    Obafemi became a certified life coach in January 2011 through the Nigerian franchise of the UK licence (NCFE). “This was at Olusola Lanre Coaching Academy. The initial challenges were the Nigerian misconception of what coaching is meant to be. Also, the proliferation of coaches where everyone is suddenly a coach. This makes the market largely disrespected and undervalued. But as time went by, clients became more aware of what coaching entails and which coaches are top value. This has reduced the resistance and misconceptions.”

    Being creative and dynamic is very important in the sector because of the proliferation of coaches. “Getting coaching clients requires a lot of creativity because what we sell is not tangible. Clients must see the link between their problems and your solutions. Most of my clients have been via referrals and also via social media followers who have encountered my content and depth.”

    Happily, he goes down memory lane to recount how he worked in places like Valuecard and MTN before he opted to be on his own. “As an employee, I guess I became impatient with the regimental rudiments of doing daily systemic tasks. I loved my job alright but my spontaneous competences and capacity to evolve my own solutions were not finding expression so the impatience became a limitation of its own. I had to step out to explore my own risks.”

    Next, Obafemi talks about the possibilities and life as a coach with specialisation in anger management, emotional intelligence, stress management and peak performance, “When I started out, I had a singular vision: to be the most effective therapist on earth in my time. Every other goals or ambitions were secondary. This has been a very arduous ambition thus far, especially because most people who have been close to me were more pessimistic about the opportunities in that category of business than the potential.”

    Now, that he has created his own market and niche, you want to know how new comers can make a success in the area. “First, be conscious that coaching is a life passion. You must be a living version of people’s solutions; irrespective of the niche you want to follow. Then you need to be certified. It is a short-sighted ambition to be a coach by ‘doing’ coaching without learning the tools via procedural classes.”

  • Risky sexual behaviour on the rise

    Risky sexual behaviour on the rise

    A microbiologist has expressed concern on the rising incidence of anal sex, describing it as a ticking bomb.

    Dr Morenike Ukpong, an Associate Professor at the Obafemi Awolowo University (OAU) in Ile-Ife, Osun State,  said anal sex is the highest risk form of sexual transmission of HIV with approximately 14 times higher risk of HIV transmission when compared to penile-vaginal sex.

    Dr Ukpong, who conducted a research on prevalence of anal sex amongst adolescents – implications for HIV prevention in Nigeria, said anal sex is practised by 12 percent of public secondary school pupils;  12.1 percent of university students and 15.2 percent adolescents in North.

    The research was conducted under the aegis of New HIV Vaccine and Microbicide Advocacy Society (NHVMAS).

    She said most youths engage in anal sex based on wrong assumptions that they won’t get pregnant, and also as a way of maintaining their chastity/virginity.

    “It should interest them to know that pregnancy can occur if semen is deposited near the opening to the vagina. Anal sex does carry risks, especially of HIV. Oral contact with the anus can put both partners at risk for hepatitis, herpes, human papillomavirus (HPV) may also lead to the development of anal warts and anal cancer and other infections.

    “There are evidence to show that about 10 percent of women and 14 percent of men in the general population practise anal sex, with condom use being low during this sexual practice as a result of multiple erroneous beliefs including the beliefs that anal sex is safer than vaginal,” said Dr Ukpong.

    Dr Ukpong said: “Request for anal sex by clients of female sex workers is high, though not a negligible proportion, with men paying higher to have anal sex with either male or female sex workers for many reasons, such as it is more pleasurable, tighter, gets to ejaculate faster and for prevention of STIs, and it is cleaner as fewer people engage with this ‘hole’.”

    ‘And you know what?’said Dr Ukpong, “for females, the risk is higher as they will always be the receptor in either vaginal or anal sex. Part of the research indicates that many females engage in anal sex during menstruation, for pleasure and a whole host of other reasons. Yet evidence shows that as receptors of either anal or vaginal sex, their risks are increased.”

    According to a consultant/Professor of Haematology and Blood Transfusion, Prof Ibironke Akinsete: “The way forward is to create more awareness on this. The family, society and the government need to share information in schools in view of the statistics that show that despite under reporting, 12 to 15 percent of our adolescents practise anal sex.

    “We need to let them realise that even though serious injury from anal sex is not common, it can occur. Bleeding after anal sex could be due to a hemorrhoid or tear, or something more serious such as a perforation (hole) in the colon. This is a dangerous problem that requires immediate medical attention. Treatment involves a hospital stay, surgery, and antibiotics to prevent infection”, she stated.

    Prof Akinsete said: “There are a number of health risks with anal sex, and anal intercourse is the most risky form of sexual activity for several reasons. The anus lacks the natural lubrication the vagina has. Penetration can tear the tissue inside the anus, allowing bacteria and viruses to enter the bloodstream. This can result in the spread of sexually transmitted infections including HIV. Studies have suggested that anal exposure to HIV poses 30 times more risk for the receptive partner than vaginal exposure. The tissue inside the anus is not as well protected as the skin outside. Our external tissue has layers of dead cells that serve as a protective barrier against infection. The tissue inside the anus does not have this natural protection, which leaves it vulnerable to tearing and the spread of infection.

    “The anus is designed to hold in feaces. The anus is surrounded with a ring-like muscle, called the anal sphincter, which tightens after we defecate. When the muscle is tight, anal penetration can be painful and difficult. Repetitive anal sex may lead to weakening of the anal sphincter, making it difficult to hold in feaces until you can get to the toilet. The anus is full of bacteria. Even if both partners do not have a sexually-transmitted infection or disease, bacteria normally in the anus can potentially infect the giving partner. Practising vaginal sex after anal sex can also lead to vaginal and urinary tract infections.  Anal sex is a perverted, unnatural act. Girls engage in anal sex with their male partners for sexual pleasure while protecting their virginity. You must decide for yourself what feels natural. If you are uncomfortable with any sexual act, don’t do it. You are in charge of what you do sexually.”