The Nation Newspaper

Tag: break

  • Let the Box Break!

    People often say experience is the best teacher but have you found out how much experience charges? Hmm..it will cost you greatly! Pain can come through poor choices, so be discreet, arm yourself with wisdom, get the facts at any price and hold on tightly to all the good sense you can get before making decisions, this can keep you safe from unnecessary pain. I believe that a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage and a career setback is better than a ‘bottom-power’ promotion. The pain that comes for doing the right things does not last, ultimately the gain will override the pain. It’s like the joy of a woman in labor when her child is born, her anguish gives place to rapturous joy and the pain is forgotten! Of course, I know that to err is human, sometimes we make mistakes but successful people learn and grow from their mistakes.

    Never stop learning because life never stops teaching. Last week Saturday I learned a great lesson from a plant. I observed that the plant outgrew its box(flower-pot), the strength and depth of its roots broke the box! Lesson; When you consistently tap into your inner resources your potential blossoms, deeply entrenched in undeniable healthy green foliage. Your gifts/talents multiplies to the point that they outgrow any box of limitation within your environment. So stay committed to a good cause and watch the box break by itself. The words of my mentor, Oladele Olunike, a quintessential polymath, corroborates my view; “Faithfulness and consistency to a cause are mystery seeds bound to deliver boundless rewards in due season’’.

    If I may ask you, what do you think are your limitations? I remember a touching encounter I had with a very beautiful lady a few years back. On this fateful day I boarded a bus heading for Asaba (Delta State). I got to the Lagos bus station as early as 6 A.M and went to the ticketing office to purchase my ticket, however I was shocked to see a long queue. I joined the queue anxiously waiting for my turn. At last I got to the officer and requested a bus ticket( for an air-conditioned bus) I was disappointed when the slim lady told me, “Madam we have exhausted the AC tickets..”This response could stir up emotions, but I chose to be calm..moreover I did not have the luxury of time to check other stations so I had to settle for the bus without air conditioner.

    In a bid to secure a seat very close to the window I quickly entered and sat at the back of the bus, I noticed that the lady who came in and sat beside me was really a creature of rare beauty, graceful… her fragrance was like a rose’s sweet perfume.. wow..she had an enchanting presence. We exchanged greetings and established rapport.. had a good laugh about the tantrums oozing from the area boys..Lagos na wah!! The bus took off at 7.05 A.M and the driver was quite a gentleman even on the wheels, the journey was smooth and enjoyable.. my new friend, Susan (not her real name) and I continued our conversation. We delved into work life, relationships and even politics until we got to Ore (Ondo State) and the unexpected happened. Susan started coughing, at first I pacified her with the usual “Sorry, do you need water?” she responded with a shrug.

     

    I was apprehensive when I noticed that she was sweating profusely and also pulling the weavon on her head “Please loosen my weavon for me…’’ She pleaded. I was scared and adjusted myself… looked into her eyeballs ‘’Susan, what is the matter??…before I could complete the sentence Susan suddenly became unconscious and was convulsing with violent movements.. haa!!!(I understood )..Susan is epileptic…she is having a crisis. Other passengers who were glancing at her earlier started shouting at the driver to stop. The driver pulled the brake and stopped. The passengers ran out of the bus including the driver and were lamenting. I struggled to keep Susan’s head from hitting the glass..and shouted for help…I called the passengers to help pull her out of the bus, with great caution we carried her out and gently laid her on the ground(my wrapper was useful). At that moment she had stopped convulsing and was still..she fell into a deep sleep. I stood by Susan to keep harmful insects away. The bus driver and other passengers maintained a good distance from her and I overheard them saying “Chai!…see this fine woman, so she dey epileptic…na wah oo..this world is wicked..abeg don’t allow her saliva to touch you oo or else you will catch the sickness..”. I tried to explain to the passengers that she would be fine. I observed that some of them were even crying.. thinking she was dead. After about thirty minutes, to their amazement, Susan opened her eyes and sat up, I was glad she did not sustain any injury, everyone came around her, shouting for joy. I understood the emotional pain Susan was experiencing… when she started crying I  wiped her tears and hugged her…gave her some water and she was calm afterwards. I encouraged her to enter the bus and before we got in all the other passengers and driver had settled down. They were all looking perplexed. I reassured them that she was fine.

    After the crisis, we continued the journey.. the driver played an Igbo Christian song  titled; All will be well. I guess that was meant to comfort Susan and calm the nerves of other passengers. I was surprised when Susan looked at me and said “Segilola, you are my angel today. Thank you for being there for me”. She shared her story and afterwards I gave her my advice. ‘Susan , I understood what happened to you because I had a close friend on campus who had epilepsy and she managed it well. I would encourage you to seek medical advice, in addition, please pray through this health challenge, grow through it and live through it. Susan’s story is really touching and even though I have lost contact with her, I believe the words I spoke to her would continually shine in her heart. So dear reader, what is your own limitation? Seek professional counsel also pray through it, grow through it and live through it.

  • If Nigeria must break through

    With the efforts at the executive arm of government to inspire change in all ramifications in Nigeria, there is a silver lining of a breakthrough in the country. The notion of a breakthrough is reaching the desired destination from a torturous journey, not by magic or miracle but by a definitive and systematic process that requires careful planning and patience. This is the gist of President Muhammadu Buhari’s thesis on process reform instead of restructuring obsession while addressing the nation on Monday.

    So, in what way must we reform our processes or must we act to achieve that systematic breakthrough?

    There is no doubt that every responsible government acts in the interest of the public, as whatever the government chooses to do or not is the open definition of public policy. Today, we blame our government and the leadership for every ill that plagues our land, expecting it to act with dispatch in public interest. Yet, if government must act with the urgency and intensity we expect, it must necessarily abridge the diverse and often conflicting vested interests that have limited our ability to reach our full national potentials. Therefore, it must step not only on the mighty cancerous toes causing extreme pains in our body politic, but also crush the feeble viral fingers of criminal toddlers.

    The problem with our nation is the erosion of a national culture built on integrity. Integrity is defined as an unimpaired character that stands public scrutiny, demonstrated by a well-ordered private and public life devoid of moral or material corruptibility. When integrity is asphyxiated in any polity, the essence of public service is lost as hedonism and pursuit of vested interests take over the instinct of virtually every stakeholder. We all lament that our constitution is deficient in certain areas and advocate that our nation must be guided by the rule of law, yet we are not united around the core value of integrity that needs to be addressed for the protection of our collective national interest. We all cry for national rebirth or reform without appreciating the depth integrity deficit in our polity.

    There are three dimensions to the compromise of this core value in Nigeria: abdication of public service, professionalization and desecration of politics and celebration of corruption. The sin of abdication of public service is a product of the desecration of the noble art of politics and condoning of corruption in public and private life in the country. Mahatma Gandhi, the man Indian deify as father of the nation, in 1925 illustrated these vices as politics without principle, wealth without work, pleasure without conscience, knowledge without character, commerce without morality, science without humanity and worship without sacrifice. Our nation rates very high in all these disturbing indices, needing serious and collective intervention. In discreet and practical terms, our government must make fundamental decisions that would produce radical changes in our culture of disdain and corruption. This of cause is the fulcrum of the president’s idea of process reform.

    There is optimism that the various reform initiatives of the government will manifestly address these issues. At the street level however, the understanding of reform is withdrawal of rights and privileges and curtailment of freedoms. Therefore, it induces trepidation and rejection. Yes, reform may seem punitive (and of course would ‘block’ some vested interests), its longer term goals and objectives are to ensure equilibrium in the society by expanding access to national wealth, ensuring provision of public goods and services and guaranteeing protection of life and properties of all citizens.

    The urgency with which we want the government to address the accumulated challenges of the nation demands the initiation and pursuit of radical reform policies that must definitely inconvenience many interest groups during the process of implementation. Such reform process will manifest in rigid state control, seeming over-regulation of public life with strong monitoring, compliance and deterrence strategies of enforcement that are punitive in outlook. But we cannot in a world of democracy and human rights afford official high-handedness and return to a police state. Without being overly prescriptive, what our nation needs in this difficult moment is the regulation of our public life in a manner that does not cause extreme dislocation, nor induce shock and glut.

    Since our first sin in Nigeria is the abdication of public service, we need a restoration of pride in public service through consolidation and alignment of the public sector with recognition, empowerment and reward of bureaucrats and technocrats who are invaluable to national growth and development but have suffered a high degree of de-motivation and insecurity in the recent past.  The pursuit of our national reform project must be real and tangible in its criminalization of corruption in all its ramifications. It must of cause seek to de-professionalize political offices, but ensure that only citizens with impeccable record in public and private sector management are attracted into politics to continue “to serve with integrity”.

    The seed of our national reform should be sown in benchmarking our national core value on this vital index of good governance. Our reform agenda should be capable of exorcising the nation of the cardinal sins illustrated by Mahatma Gandhi. In assuming public office and conducting public affairs, we must adhere to the Seven Principles of Public Life, the Nolan Principles: selflessness, integrity, objectivity, accountability, openness, honesty and leadership. Reforming Nigeria is a hydra-headed challenge, demanding a 360 degrees attention to reach our Canaan. We must acknowledge and respect the genuine agitations of many Nigerians on the future of our country but such agitations and expressions will be meaningless if the fundamental issue of evolving a national culture built on integrity is not addressed. This should be our beacon as we engage ourselves in the subject of National Rebirth, Restructuring or Reform.

    Happily, President Muhammadu Buhari has in his national broadcast of Monday, given an insight into what a New Nigeria will look like with the definitive actions he has outlined to cleanse the rot in our country. The President believes we should pay special attention to process, beyond obsession with restructuring. I seem to agree with him. Most of our processes of ensuring distributive justice are fundamentally flawed. They are the reason for the agitation for restructuring. So, when the processes are fixed, it will even be easier to achieve restructuring without controversy or threat to our corporate existence.

    The critical and urgent nature of the reform process however demands a correct appreciation from players in the mass media as providers of public service, through the style and content of our mediation or moderation of issues in the public sphere, by setting the agenda for reform in way and manner we frame issues and problems. The existence of trust between the government, the citizen and the press, and involvement at every stage of policy making process through public deliberation or participation will smoothen our ride along the difficult path of reform and inspire our preparedness for change.

    This is the essence of change; after all, Allah does not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.

    • Solanke is of Voice of Nigeria, Ikoyi, Lagos.

  • Hearts would continue to break

    What type of heart are you searching for ? A heart made of stone or a kind and loving heart? How do you discern the first from the latter? Interestingly, love looks like one of the cheapest commodities in town.  It comes in different garbs. No two experiences are ever the same. Like music, every heart swings to love and the most important thing is to be able to discern genuine love, when you see one.

    While some hearts travel from one village, city and continents to find true love, others simply find hearts that are magnetic and romantic in the neighbourhood.

    Are you still in doubt? Well, if you take a good look around, you are likely to find all kinds of heart telling their romantic stories via Love avenue. You can actually find love anywhere and everywhere. Interestingly, in places that you least expect to find one. The love race can be interesting, easy, exciting or tortuous.

    Does it have anything to do with those involved? Not really! Truth is that it makes our world go round and round. Feeling tipsy? Yes, that is what it does. When you get to these dizzying heights two things happen to you; the first is that your sweet heart, the one who has put you in this state comes to your rescue and you are taken to another realm in the love process. Conversely, when the heart you are getting tipsy for is a pretender to your emotional throne, then you have a grand slam, the type you see in wrestling. Knock out!

    A dear friend is in this state and she had a close shave recently. She almost lost her life but somehow the driver (heart) was able to manoeuvre the car. That saved her from having a broken arm, limbs and perhaps a battered face.

    Confused! So confused!  Over what? you wonder. A heart?  Is it really worth the stress? Yes, sometimes it is.  The crux of the matter sometimes is that this is part of the process. Hearts have been broken, hearts would continue to break and hearts would certainly be afraid of being broken from time to time.

    The best thing to do when you are stranded on the emotional tarmac is to take a break and wait for a better plane if you do not want to crash land.

    So how did our dear friend get to this state? you wonder. Her first emotional disaster was in the university; the Romeo that she banked her emotions on was only fooling around with her. By the time, she came to this realisation, things had fallen apart. The experience was not very good and she made up her mind to step aside from the emotional terrain for a while.

    It worked! The poor heart regained her emotional sanity and was able to offer emotional advise to friends who got bashed along the line. However, her friends and family would not allow her to be. They kept talking about her single state and it was at this point that Banji strolled into her life.

    To be or not to be? The temptation was just too much and before she knew it, she fell helplessly in love with another emotional criminal. Just when she thought she had found what she wanted, the table turned.

    “I kept on receiving all kinds of threats from other ladies warning me to leave their man alone. Somehow, he had captured my heart and I just didn’t want to let go. I trusted him so much in spite of all the negative information I was getting about him.”

    If she trusted him so much, he didn’t. “About two weeks ago, I fell ill and was hospitalised. As soon as I heard that I was going to be on admission, I sent him a message. Banji came five days after and when he came to see me, my neighbour, Patrick, also came visiting. As soon as he saw Patrick, he told me it was over. I tried to tell him that there was nothing between Patrick and I but he just walked out.”

    End of the road! The gambler had been looking for ways to end the relationship all this while but she refused to read in between the lines. What is the point hanging on to someone that does not trust you? What is the point hanging on to a heart that is preoccupied with emotional distractions? Truth is that you aren’t going to go far together and the more you try to make it work, the more pitfalls and disasters.

    Finding love again can be easy for some but not everybody gets it right. For the latter, love is fraught with pitfalls and mishaps.

    Luckily, it ended well because Patrick was genuinely in love with her. All the love that she was travelling many distance to find was in her neighbourhood. Now, she has to make up mind about the dude, the one who genuinely loves her. But somehow she is still wondering if she should give love a try again. Could this be the heart that she has been searching for all this while? Is this the heart that would bring back her emotional sanity?

  • Chibok Girls: Time to break the rule

    The latest video released by Boko Haram showing a section of the missing Chibok girls should serve as incentive for deeper introspection. At the official level, perhaps the moment has come to rethink a counter strategy that increasingly looks impotent, if not suspect; even as public communication is weaned of words that now sound more like broken record.

    In the eleven-minute-long recording, the Abubakar Shekau-led faction unambiguously restated its old demand that its members held across the country be released as pre-condition for the release of the over 200 remaining Chibok girls. As usual, a masked guy (Shekau?) in military fatigue is shown blustering beside the girls who look expressionless in hijab against an eerie black backdrop.

    No prize for guessing the possible motives behind Shekau’s latest stunt. Like any movement not inspired by an enduring or lofty value, the accursed Boko Haram (BH) is obviously already choking on its grotesque contradictions. With ISIS seeking to disrobe him by naming Abu Musab al-Barnawi as the new leader, it is evident the bloodthirsty fugitive is desperate for a pitch to demonstrate his nuisance value to the Nigerian authorities.

    True, hostage-taking in Nigeria did not start in April 2014 with the Chibok girls. But with the twists and turns witnessed in the past 28 months, this should be the most dramatized in human history. It is like a slow-motion horror movie. The spectacle of aggrieved mothers fellowshipping periodically, holding vigil, at a hearing distance from Aso Rock gates in Abuja has become a constant source of national embarrassment.

    Well, we are free to elect to live blissfully in denial by conveniently making generous allowance for Shekau’s blustering in the latest video and the possible exaggerations – like claims that Nigeria’s airstrike had killed many of the girls. But the next footage in the flick should be enough to sting us back to cold reality: the face and voice of one of the captives, Dorcas Yakubu.

    Speaking both Hausa and her native Kibaku in a voice that strikingly sounds accustomed to the tragic fate she and others find themselves, the teenager urged parents to “be patient and beg the government to release their people, so that we’ll also be released.”

    Caught between joy at a proof their daughter is still alive and sorrow at the thought of the unthinkable she must have endured in the past 28 months, Dorcas’ parents, Mr. & Mrs. Kabu Yakubu, could only afford to make a loud sigh in Abuja after watching the new video. Their testimony: “We cried when we saw our daughter but we’ll sleep better now.”

    They spoke from the very depth of anguish every true parent will feel.

    For others who could not see or hear their loved ones, the nightmare obviously continues.

    Today, what however remains unknown is if, beyond the mouthing of platitudes and shedding of crocodile tears, anyone in Abuja truly feels the kind of soul-wrenching pain parents of the Chibok girls have endured in the past 28 months to want to literally move mountains to free the captives.

    The dumbest apology to give today is to say Buhari is ready to negotiate with BH but is handicapped over which faction to talk to. Unless the government wants us to believe its intelligence-gathering capacities and capabilities are dead and so now fit only for the cemetery.

    Legion stories are told of how western nations like Britain had passed credible intelligence to the Jonathan administration on the precise location of the Chibok girls earlier in the day but, as usual, it refused to lift a finger until it became too late. In fact, one account states that the girls were initially camped on the other side of the river for several days in April 2014 without any intervention by the authorities until they were presumably herded deep into the dreaded Sambisa forest.

    But lamenting missed opportunities is no longer defensible today. What we want now is result by any means necessary, realizing that each passing day means a continuation of their abuse in captivity.

    Elsewhere in the west, the mere echo of Mr. & Mrs. Yakubu’s words, to say nothing of the sheer spectacle of their presence, would be enough to drive leaders into extra-ordinary exertions with a view to liberating citizens so held in bondage, anywhere. In the circumstance, such leaders begin to pick and choose sections of the Geneva Convention to obey.

    Officially, the tendency is for western nations to openly pontificate that ransom-payment in turn fuels terrorism. That cash paid is soon invested by the receivers to buy new weapons and finance training. But unofficially, countries like Italy, Germany, France and Spain are known to have paid ransoms through private companies to free their nationals from terrorists, convinced that the end ultimately justifies the means.

    UK, for instance, is known to turn a blind eye if relations or companies slipped cash to have their loved ones freed. That was how Judith Tebbuth’s release was secured in 2012. In 2014, the same tactic was employed to secure the release of teacher David Bolam from the clutches of ISIL in Libya.

    Same year in the US, the Obama administration swapped five Al-Qaeda suspects held at the Guantanamo detention facility for one American soldier, Sergeant Bowe Bergdahl, after five years in captivity, whipping the sentiment of an ironclad commitment “to leave no man or woman in uniform behind on the battlefield”. Washington engaged the government of Qatar as the go-between in the indirect negotiations.

    Decades earlier, the Reagan administration did something far more unorthodox to free seven US hostages held by Iranian terrorists in Lebanon. Despite subsisting arms embargo against Tehran, Washington opted to sell arms secretly to Iran during its war with Iraq in a complicated covert deal that soon birthed the Iran-Contra scandal. Once the illicit cargoes began to berth in Tehran, three of the US hostages in Beirut were let off, though three more were taken in what a Washington top official later described cynically as “hostage bazaar”.

    More filth surfaced in 1986 after a Lebanese newspaper blew the whistle on the secret deal. Not only was Reagan exposed, it was also discovered that only $12m out of the expected $30m had reached government coffers. It soon came to light that the balance had been diverted to fund the contra rebels being propped by Washington to combat the communist government in Nicaragua since the US congress had outlawed such direct monetary aid through formal channel.

    To be fair, President Buhari only inherited the Chibok girls issue. Still, the government deserves credit for rallying a relentless campaign against BH in the past fifteen months so much that relative peace has now returned to the hitherto beleaguered North-East, even as it is left to face a huge refugee crisis. But to suggest that the war is now totally over as the military high command is wont to claim lately with the over 200 Chibog girls still unaccounted for is to miss the human angle to the historic tragedy.

    One lesson the Buhari people appear not to have learnt from the Jonathan mishap is rehashing the same rhetoric each time the Chibok girls question is raised. The other day the Information Minister reassured that the government was still on top of the situation. Well, Lai Mohammed just said what is expected of him. Really, no one can say the president has forgotten the Chibok girls. After all, he gave a plum appointment to one of the conveners of the BringBackOurGirls Group. And since Ms. Hadiza Usman assumed duties as the Managing Director of the Nigerian Ports Authority, at least one of the eloquent BBOG voices has since become muted. Even if she is not too engrossed sorting cargoes at the Lagos ports to forget or have time to attend the BBOG fellowships in Abuja, her presence there today will certainly be incongruous.

    Really, what the aggrieved parents desire and indeed deserve is not just tons of nice words from Mohammed. If truly the government is quietly moving mountains to get the girls released, it ought to device an effective channel the information is shared with the traumatized. Had this been the case, it is doubtful if Oby Ezekwesili and other committed activists will continue to speak so bitterly each time they congregate at the Unity Square in Abuja.  But for the uncommon patriotic zeal of these volunteers, perhaps the memory of the abducted would have long faded, if not totally extinguished, by now.

    Again, whoever counseled the Army authorities to publicly declare wanted last Sunday three individuals known to have links with Boko Haram did the nation a disservice. If the measure was intended to project the authorities as being proactive, it has surely backfired. For no sooner had the announcement been made than the duo of Mrs. Aisha Wakil (aka Mama Boko Haram) reported at the Defence Headquarters in Abuja and lawyer Ahmed Bolori turned himself in at the Army Headquarters in Maiduguri. Journalist Ahmad Salkida expressed willingness to travel down from his Dubai base once he receives ticket fare.

    Mama Boko Haram, for instance, soon expressed disgust that the Army could go ahead and declare her wanted like a fugitive when, according to her, they knew her address and how to reach her.

    The Army spokesman later explained that the trio were invited out of a belief that they knew more than they were willing to share vis-a-vis the location of the abducted. A claim the accused did not deny. From the utterances of Mrs. Wakil and Bolori after meeting with the military authorities, it would appear they are more than willing to be engaged in the search to rescue the missing girls. The trio is not alone. A serving senator, Shehu Sani, is also known to have links with the BH leaders. Rather than alienate or demonize them, such individuals ought to be co-opted into the search for the missing girls as a matter of national urgency.

    In the unlikely event that all the remaining captives are being assembled in one location, given the young lives involved, let it however be stressed that no one is advocating a re-enactment of the daring Entebbe raid of 1976 when Israeli commandos stormed Uganda’s International Airport in Kampala to free 100 of their nationals being held hostage by pro-Palestinian gunmen. After a 35-minute fire-fight, the toll exacted was not only heavy in human but also in material terms: three hostages lay dead beside seven hijackers, twenty Ugandan troops and the leader of the invading unit, Lt. Colonel Yonatan Netanyahu (brother of future Israeli Prime Minister). Completely wrecked also were eleven Russian-built MiG fighters of the Ugandan Air Force.

    Nor can anyone afford a repeat of the Moscow solution applied in Russia in October 2002 following the hijack of a theatre by some 50 Chechen rebels. A record 700 theatre-goers were taken hostage. After a 57-hour-standoff at the Palace of Culture, the Russian special forces who had surrounded the hall were at their wits’ end. In what became one if the worst rescue operations in history, they resorted to the quick fix by simply lobbing a pipe into the hall through which a lethal narco gas was discreetly sprayed. By the time the fume settled, no fewer than 120 hostages and most of the militants had been wasted.  The official defense was that gassing was the most prudent option in the circumstance to disarm the militants before they had time to detonate their explosives.

    In the two foregoing scenarios, the casualty toll was quite heavy. While no one will at this point prescribe a similar raid on the location where the Chibok girls might be kept, several other options remain open to Abuja with a view to quickly bringing a closure to what has clearly become one of the darkest chapters in the nation’s history. Swapping, as already mooted by the affected, is not a bad idea.

    In case President Buhari is still unaware, the hour has finally come to bring back our girls.

  • Xmas break for Eagles

    Xmas break for Eagles

    • Players to leave camp Dec 23

    Christmas holiday has been extended to the players of the Super Eagles, who are in camp in Abuja preparing for the African Nations Championship (CHAN) in Kigali,Rwanda.

    Sporting Life gathered authoritatively that the tecnical crew had to squeeze out two days out of the team’s tight training programme to allow the players spend the Yuletide with members of their family.

    To this effect, the players, coaches and backroom staff are to leave the camp on December 23 for the Christmas vacation and return on December 26,which is Boxing Day to continue intensive preparations for the championship which begins on January 16, 2016.

    “The coaches wanted the players to remain in camp during the Christmas break because the tournament starts barely three weeks from now but had to allow the team to go spend sometime with their family members”

    It was understood that the players have been given a stern warning to report back to camp on December 26 and to avoid activities that could affect their physical fitness and form.

    The Super Eagles have been placed in Group C which includes Tunisia, Guinea and Niger. The team will be making its second CHAN appearance.

    Nigeria won bronze at the 2014 edition of the competition in South Africa. The tournament will be held from January 16 to February 7, 2016 in the cities of Kigali, Butare and Gisenyi.

  • Dealing with break up

    DEAR Harriet, during my year in the Polytechnic, I had a girl friend in school then. Though the relationship became stronger when we came for our HND program. I love this girl so dearly that I never dated any other girl except her. We became fond of ourselves that everybody in my class like the way we do our things which made them to call her my wife. Despite the fact that I was a student then, I provided virtually everything that she needed that is within my power except paying her school fees. In fact, I made this girl. I had the intention of marry her if things go well but I never propose to her reason simply because we are still students and I didn’t  want to marry out of desperation, to keep her off from other men. We discussed about getting marriage to each other and concluded that if it is the will of God it will come to reality.

    One thing that surprised me was that immediately we rounded up our school program, her attitude towards me began to change to worse; I will call her on phone she will not pick and will never call back except I called back again. The one that got me mad was that immediately she saw my  NYSC posting where I was posted to the North while she was posted to the Western state She openly told me that I am not the type of guy that she needs now to my greatest surprise. I feel disappointed. Thank God that I didn’t die of high Blood pressure during that period because the shock of the news was so devastating. I was not able to understand why she should be telling me this now after so many years of being together. I called to know her reasons which she said nothing at all just that she need to taste a new life aside me.  My friends tried to settle the issue but to no avail. I was not comfortable with it but I had to summon courage and move on. I even called her during my NYSC year begging her to come back which she turned down. Instead she told me that we can be just casual friends. This was a girl I once took to my house and introduce her to my parents, elder sisters, uncle and even my in-law in one event that I invited her for in my village.

    To cut the story short, immediately after my NYSC I got a nice pay job. I compelled myself to call her again what she is now telling me was that her parents disapprove her marrying any man from my state though we are from the same region. an opinion she said she did not accept. Please do I need to start worrying myself over this girl again or to move on with my life?

    Kingsley C., Abuja.

     

    Thanks for telling your story, it takes a lot of courage share your situation and we really commend you for it. Your situation is not an exceptional case because at one time or another every one of us has been deeply hurt by another person. Some of us hold tight to the anger and pain, others choose to let it go. A break up hurts… like hell. There is no better way of putting it. It’s intensely painful. And dealing with a breakup involves getting through some of that pain to still be able to get things done in your life.

    Since your case is a recent break up, you’re probably still in shock and having a hard time accepting it emotionally. That explains why you keep making all the effort for her to come back, In fact your emotions are probably running the show. Regardless if you’ve been dating for short while or not, you are going to be overwhelmed with incomprehensible sadness. Maybe even a combination of disbelief, anger and obsessiveness topped with an overall lack of control over your emotions. Note, You’re not just mourning the loss of someone very close to you, dreams of growing old together are shredded so for healing to take place you must go through all these emotions and do not suppress it. Dealing with heartbreak in a situation like yours with all the investment with high expectation, must be treated properly so that it does not affect your next relationship. The initial stage  for example, a few weeks might be the worst. They are as close to unbearable as it gets. But… break ups don’t kill you. And like the saying goes” What doesn’t kill you,makes you stronger”. In fact, through the process of loving and losing you have the capacity to learn valuable lessons about yourself, your life and your relationships.

    How ever, Most interesting people have experienced a wide spectrum of emotions ranging from extreme pleasure to excruciating pain. They, and millions of men before you, have found ways to get over a break up and survive, and so will you. Besides it might just be God’s doing, remember you mention that you both have committed your marriage intension into God’s hands so may be she is just not your wife. God know’s best, go to him in prayer and with time he alone will give you clarification.  Break up hurts like I said earlier don’t get me wrong but would you rather be in a relationship with someone that is not fully committed? Sometimes breakup are for the best, it is just one of those things you have to push through. As tough as it may be you can not force her to stay,  she has made up her mind to break up with you, reasons best known to her, the truth is that you should  let her go and move on with your life because no matter what you do or say she might not come back to you. The signs were there the moment she started avoiding your calls, and giving you excuses, tells you that something is wrong. Time heals all wound, so with time you will get over her, you have a fantastic life ahead of you. As a result here are some tips to help you get over your heart break. Initial step is  accepting your present situation; people have different reasons for going into relationship so your aim of making her your wife, might be different from her own reason and from your statement you have made all the necessary effort to make her change her mind but it is clear that she has made her stand clear to move on, accept her decision and let go. Next step is the aspect of communication; for you to recover it will be a good idea if you avoid any form of contact with your Ex girl friend for now until you are completely over her, because while getting over a break up, you might have a strong urge to contact your ex. More often than not, however, it will be detrimental to your emotional wellbeing to do so. Too often I see guys break down after seeing an ex’s latest face book update or by getting dead aired after a “I miss you” text. Don’t make their mistake!

    “No contact” are words to live by  and one of the best ways to get over a break up. The reason is simple because any contact with your ex will trigger the most painful and overwhelming feelings you have been having and will set you back in your recovery.

    Staying friends is a fallacy. In fact, the more space you have while getting over a break up, the greater your ability to heal and move on.Fully disengaging is one of the most effective ways to get over your break up. This will allow you to disentangle your emotions from your rationale. That, in turn, provides you with the mental clarity to reflect accurately on your breakup.

    Accept your feelings and do not judge them. Learn to stop blaming yourself for her decision to end the relationship, accept your emotions it only natural, as for all the kindness, love and care you showered her, see it as an act of charity, do not regret it at all. In addition avoid jumping into relationship at the moment because you need time to heal so that you can have a clear mind and appreciate the person instead of using the person to fill in the gap. This is the moment for you to focus on your vision and achieve your goals, be the best that you can be in every aspect, take up activity that you enjoy, get busy. Look at her action as a wake up call for something good. Finally writing can also help you to heal; Although, most  men too often foster a culture of “walking it off” and “manning up” and as a result very few of them have emotional aptitude. Living peacefully with your emotions, however, does not come through suppression, but through understanding. You must become aware of what you feel and why you feel it, before you can let that feeling go. Start Writing today, when you feel sad. But also when you feel good. Write to your future self. Give yourself tips and breakup advice to help you through the hard times. Trust me,I know you’re feeling down right now, it may be difficult to accept all these tips but in all likelihood you cannot change her mind because she has already decided to end her relationship with you. You cannot control other people’s feelings and actions, you can only control yours. You deserve a partner who is equally as excited to be with you as you are with her not someone who will constantly need convincing to stay with you.

    Harriet Ogbobine is a counsellor and a motivational speaker. Send your questions and suggestions to her on bineharriet@gmail.com or txt message only 08054682598. You can also follow her on twitter: @bineharrietj.

  • Will Ajimobi break the jinx?

    Will Ajimobi break the jinx?

    Two former governors, the incumbent and a former Senate Leader will lock horns on Saturday for the right to occupy the government house at Agodi, Ibadan as the governor of Oyo State. The four, and a businessman, Seyi Makinde, are the top contenders for the job.

    Except for the former Senate Leader, Teslim Folarin, who is the candidate of the People’s Democratic Party (PDP) and Makinde, who is the candidate of the Social Democratic Party (SDP), any of the other three  that wins the election will be breaking the second term jinx in the state. They are the incumbent, Abiola Ajimobi of the All Progressives Congress (APC), Rashidi Ladoja of Accord and Adebayo Alao-Akala of Labour Party (LP).

    Since the Second Republic, no governor has been re-elected in the state. All attempts by previous chief executives of the state have been futile. Hence, it has become a popular saying that no governor gets a second term in Oyo State. Judging by the results of the National Assembly election on March 28, none of Ladoja and Alao-Akala can be easily wished away in the race to take Ajimobi’s job, meaning that the jinx is about to be broken on April 11 by one of them.

    The National Assembly election naturally puts the APC far ahead of others as it produced the three senators and 12 out of the 14 House of Representatives members in the state.

    Though they were beaten, Ladoja and Alao-Akala look undefeated by the bravery they have been displaying since then. But can either of them or Folarin spring a surprise?

    How they stood in the 2011 governorship election

    Ajimobi, who stood on the platform of the defunct Action Congress of Nigeria (ACN), polled 420,852 votes to dislodge the then incumbent, Alao-Akala, who scored 387,132 votes. The latter contested under the platform of the PDP. Ladoja scored 275,773 to come third in the election.

    Factors that shaped the 2011 governorship election

    The administration of the then sitting governor, Alao-Akala, was associated with thuggery and violence. It was also seen as a profligate government which undertook so many projects that were poorly executed due to lack of commitment to quality and alleged collection of kickbacks by key functionaries of the administration.

    The crisis that rocked his party, the PDP, also grew sharply during his tenure so much so that many of the party stalwarts, particularly in Ibadan zone, worked against his re-election.

    Besides, the wave of change represented by the then ACN, was blowing through Ekiti and Osun states which had their PDP governors removed by the Court of Appeal for ACN governors.

    But Alao-Akala was generous to people around him, a factor that helped him retain so many people who patronized political power and its privileges.

    In the growing discontent against Alao-Akala’s government, Ladoja, who was his predecessor, began to make wave again, rendering the political turf more complex with his defection from PDP to Accord and speedy growth of the party before the April 26,2011 governorship election.

    But the wave of change in the region and Ajimobi’s personal popularity combined to earn him the victory in the election, defeating his closest challenger, Alao-Akala, with 33,720 votes. To earn the victory, Ajimobi defeated Akala in Ibadan and Oyo zones with a wide margin and also gave him a very close marking in Oke-Ogun area where he polled 96,667 to Akala’s  97,398. Ladoja occupied a distant third position with his 275,773 votes. As tough as it was, Ajimobi dislodged the then incumbent governor whose party was also controlling the Federal Government.

     

    With this result, however, the three parties produced seven, 13 and 12 members in the state’s House of Assembly respectively to operate as a strong party each. They also produced members of both houses of the National Assembly except Accord which did not produce a senator. But it went to the March 28, 2015 election with one senator, Olufemi Lanlehin, who defected from the ACN.

    Yet, the dynamics have changed within the last four years. Because human beings and the society are not static, politicians have criss-crossed the parties to find better comfort and advantage in realizing their personal ambition. New issues and developments have also reshaped the polity to alter voting patterns and interest that determine voters’ choice.

    It is, therefore, no surprise that in the March 28 presidential and National Assembly elections, the APC produced the three senators from zero level, and also produced 12 out of the 14 members of the House of Representatives.

    How the zones voted in the March 28,2015 National Assembly elections

    Senate

    The APC won the three senatorial seats. Results of the senatorial election may not be fully suitable for this zonal analysis. However, the results are given below for a better insight.

    As shown above, aside keeping its lead in its traditional zones of Ibadan and Oyo, the APC has gained more popularity in Oke-Ogun and Ibarapa zones where Alao-Akala came tops four years ago.

    The party did not only gain an inroad into Oke-Ogun and Ibarapa, it’s popularity has increased in Ogbomoso, Alao-Akala’s home town.

    The APC chairman in the state, Chief Akin Oke, attributed the gains to what he described as the unprecedented performance of Governor Abiola Ajimobi in the last four years across the state. Oke emphasized that the governor succeeded in touching all the five zones with unique projects that meet their needs and generally improved the standard of living of residents in the areas. For instance, the politician cited dualization of roads in Ibadan, Oyo, Ogbomoso and Iseyin (Oke-Ogun) as one of such projects.

    But Accord did not agree with him. The Director General of the Sen. Rashidi Ladoja Campaign Organization, Hon. Adeolu Adeleke, described the result of the election as sham, saying it was rigged in favour of the APC.

    The Publicity Secretary of the PDP, Mr Kehinde Salawu, also attributed APC’s victory in the election to the overwhelming popularity of Gen. Buhari. He said the governorship election would be different.

    Alao-Akala also attributed APC’s performance in the March 28 election to the popularity of its presidential candidate, Gen. Buhari (rtd).

    Speaking through his spokesman, Oludare Ogunlana, the former governor said that most voters are illiterate who could not differentiate between presidential and National Assembly elections.

    April 11 governorship election

    Interestingly all the major parties are approaching the governorship election with confidence. They largely believe that the tide will turn in their favour, hence, they have stepped up personal campaigns.

    In an interview with The Nation, Hon. Adeolu Adekele said in spite of the result of the National Assembly election, “Accord remains undaunted and psychologically stable with optimism of winning” the Saturday election. He said the March 28 election only encouraged the party to strengthen its campaign to prevent rigging in the governorship election.

    In his own comment, the PDP candidate, Teslim Folarin, asserted that voters would choose him because the party had educated its supporters to vote only for the PDP this time. He spoke through the State Publicity Secretary, Kehinde Salawu.

    He said: “We have educated our people to vote right this time because governorship election is crucial in any state. That is the government that is closer to the people. And we believe we will do wonderfully well on Saturday.” He said.

    The LP candidate, Alao-Akala, also insisted that he would gain people’s votes across the state to return as the next governor because, according to him, Oyo State people are tired of the Ajimobi administration.

    But APC chairman, Chief Oke, said it is very clear that voters are very pleased with the transformation, restoration and the repositioning agenda of the Ajimobi administration as shown in the results of the last election.

    Factors that will shape the April 11 election

    Buhari’s victory

    Never in the history of the Yoruba has its party of choice won at the federal level. Oyo State was among the states that rejected PDP’s president Goodluck Jonathan. Buhari polled 528,620 votes to defeat Jonathan who scored 303,376 votes, leaving him with a deficit of 225,244 votes.

    The APC’s victory at the centre will play a key role in putting Ajimobi ahead of other candidates because a lot of voters would reason that the state deserves to enjoy the privileges of having the progressive party controlling the centre.

    Besides, Oyo State has always been home to the progressives’ party. Except in 2003 and 2007 when it is generally believed that the PDP rigged massively to take over Southwest states, Oyo has always been controlled by the progressives’ party. It partly accounts for the reason Ajimobi defeated the incumbent Alao-Akala of the PDP in 2011.

    Secondly, Ajimobi’s performance in the last four years is unparalleled. He has succeeded in changing the face and the name of the state among committee of top states through his cardinal programmes including urban renewal, environmental sanitation, integrity, laudable welfare for civil servants and infrastructural development, among others.

    His footprints are visible in major towns across the state. This is perhaps the strongest factor that will count for the incumbent governor.

    Thirdly, results of the National Assembly election has punctured assumption that Accord was next in strength to the APC in the state, and that it might upstage the former. In the result, while the APC won three senatorial seats and 12 out of 14 House of Representatives seats, Accord did not win a single seat. Only the PDP and LP won one seat each, and both are in Ogbomoso land.

    With a total of 357,017 votes in the Senate and 349,618 in the House of Representatives, APC is poised to trounce, once again, other parties who came in distant second, third and fourth positions.

    Accord that came second overall, scored 213 votes for the Senate and polled 171,675 in the race for the House of Representatives. It’s total of 384,826 is barely about 53 per cent of APC’s 706,635.

    The PDP came third with a total of 325,251 votes, which is less than half of the APC’s.

    With this result, the majority of voters are likely to see other parties as weak while seeing the APC as strong, and even waxing stronger by the day.

    Already, some members of Accord in Ibadan North East Local Government have defected to the APC in a display of death of hope in their previous party. More of such defections are likely before the April 11 election.

    In another perspective, the LP may not record another landslide victory in Ogbomoso as it did in 2011 because of Akala’s defection from the PDP. As shown in the March 28 elections, voters in Ogbomoso are now divided into LP, PDP and APC, with the profile of the APC rising sharply in the last four years.

    The result has largely shown that both Alao-Akala and Ladoja, who were considered very strong contenders prior to last month election, no longer possess the electoral strength assumed. In fact, APC defeated Ladoja in his Ibadan North Local Government while Alao-Akala was unable to win all the seats in Ogbomoso or additional seat in Oke-Ogun as he did in 2011.

    Fourthly, with three senators, 12 representatives mobilizing support across all the zones, combined with the power of incumbency, Ajimobi is most favored to break the second-term jinx in Oyo State on April 11,2015.

    How the election will go

    Oyo Zone

    Judging by results of the 2011 governorship election, the March 28,2015 election and the presence of a senator and House of Representatives member, APC’s Ajimobi is projected to coast home to victory in the zone.

    Ibarapa Zone

    Going by the result of the National Assembly election and the projects Ajimobi undertook in the zone such as granting autonomy to two tertiary institutions in the area, Ajimobi is projected to comfortably lead other candidates in the zone.

    Oke-Ogun

    Judging by the results of the last election and the fact that the zone is traditionally progressives inclined, Ajimobi is projected to win convincingly in the area.

    Ogbomoso

    LP’s candidate, who hails from the town, is projected to have a clear lead in the zone. But APC and PDP candidates are also projected to follow him within a reasonable gap. This is because his defection from the PDP has broken his absolute following in the area. The deputy governorship candidate of the PDP hails from Ogbomoso while an APC senator has also emerged from the town. All these would combine to reduce the total votes he will garner from the zone.

    Ibadan

    Though Ibadan zone is a loose ground for all the four major parties, Ajimobi is projected to lead other candidates given the 2011 result and that of the last election. He is most likely to be followed by Accord candidate, Ladoja, who is popular in some of the councils.

     

  • Forbes break advert taboo

    A native advert for Fidel-
    ity, an investment company,
    appears on the cover of the latest issue of Forbes, which hit the newsstands last Monday.

    Native advertising is a form of online advertising that matches the form and function of the platform on which it appears. It is a publisher-produced brand content, similar in concept to a traditional advertorial, which a paid placement is attempting to look like an article.

    The advert is on the actual cover – it’s not part of a foldout or second cover.

    Forbes as among the first publications to fully embrace native advertising – a tactic where adverts seek to mimic editorial content – but the cover treatment takes the practice into mostly uncharted waters for magazines.

    According to Adage, world-renown  advertising magazine, “that’s because putting ads on magazine covers remains one of the last remaining taboos in an industry under so much financial pressure that it’s now enlisting editors to work with advertisers.”

    Last year, Time Inc., the nation’s largest magazine publisher, ran tiny ads for Verizon Wireless on the cover of Time and Sports Illustrated. But it has not repeated the tactic.

    The Fidelity advert on Forbes’ cover teases an infographic about retirement, which is the editorial theme of the issue. Fidelity paid for the two-page infographic to appear in the issue as part of a larger ad buy with Forbes that includes print and digital.

    “We view this as strong content that’s part of the retirement package,” Forbes Media’s chief revenue officer, Mark Howard, said. Forbes’ brand newsroom, a department that works with advertisers to create content, helped produce the infographic, he added.

    But Fidelity did not pay a premium for the cover treatment, according to Mr. Howard. Instead, it was a byproduct of the deal – something people in media and marketing call “added value” for the client. The decision to include the cover line came from Forbes Chief Product Officer Lewis D’Vorkin.

    “Lewis deemed it was appropriate for Fidelity to be called out on the cover just like any other great piece of content would be,” said Mr. Howard, who declined to discuss the terms of the deal.

    The stated rate for BrandVoice, as Forbes calls its native advertising product, is a minimum of $600,000. Media executives not affiliated with the company suggested the rate Forbes charged Fidelity for the entire package is likely in the million dollar range. Fidelity declined to comment.

    The cover line doesn’t specifically state that it’s an advertisement. It does, however, include the term “FidelityVoice,” which is how Forbes marks its native ads – melding the advertiser’s name with the word “voice.”

    Howard doesn’t think the cover line is misleading. “When you look at the colour scheme and the box, it’s separated, it has a different background,” he said. “For readers of Forbes, they’ve known for four years that when you see FidelityVoice that that is content that’s coming from one of our partners.”

    He described the cover treatment as “the evolution of where we’ve come from and where we are in today’s world.”

    Forbes introduced its native-advertising product in 2010, when it was called AdVoice. It allowed advertisers to post content directly to the magazine’s website. Media critics bristled then at the notion. Today, of course, nearly every publisher has adopted a similar strategy, although some vocal critics remain.

    The American Society of Magazine Editors’ guidelines for editors and publishers, meant to protect readers’ trust in publishers’ editorial independence from advertisers, still begin: “Don’t Print Ads on Covers.”

    The bold move into native advertising hasn’t protected Forbes from the stiff headwinds facing print-media brands, which are seeing declines in both newsstand sales and advertising revenue. Last year, the Forbes family and its backers sold a majority stake in Forbes Media, including the iconic namesake magazine, to a Hong Kong-based investment group. The magazine staff also relocated from its longtime headquarters on Fifth Avenue in Manhattan to an office in New Jersey.

    Mr. Howard said to expect more taboo-breaking tactics in the future. Last month, the magazine produced a second cover – which readers noticed after opening the magazine – that closely resembled the actual cover. But it was an ad for AT&T.

  • Sundowns give Uzoenyi extended World Cup break

    Sundowns give Uzoenyi extended World Cup break

    South African club Mamelodi Sundowns expect Nigeria winger Ejike Uzoenyi to join them at the end of July when the extended World Cup break they gave him ends.

    The 2014 Championship of African Nations (CHAN) Most Valuable Player has been training with Enugu Rangers since after the World Cup in Brazil, where he was a last-minute replacement for injured Elderson Echiejile.

    Rangers spokesman Foster Chime told AfricanFootball.com Uzoenyi will join Sundowns at the end of the month.

    “He is training with Rangers for the time being and will join Sundowns at the end of the month. His club have given him an extended break after he featured at the World Cup in Brazil,” Chime informed AfricanFootball.com.

    The left winger was given a 15-minute run-out in the group game against Bosnia-Herzegovina, which Nigeria won 1-0.

  • NIJ observes break

    Students of the Nigerian Institute of Journalism (NIJ) in Ogba, Lagos, have ended the 2013/2014 academic session. The session which began on October, 7, 2013 ended on July 4, 2014, giving the students time to prepare for the next session.

    A HND II student, Idowu Taibat, said: “I am happy for this break. I am free from the stress I have gone through in the past few months, even though it is tailored a building us up for the challenges of life.”

    However, the next session has been scheduled to commence on October 13.