Tag: Champagne

  • Champagne jurisprudence – a fable

    Once upon a time, in a certain large and shambolic country, there lived a man of immense affluence known as Chief Cleanface. He was of such  means that all the nobles, princes and judges of the land would always gather in his palatial abode for one purpose – to quaff champagne.

    Chief Cleanface loved that bubbly, fizzy, golden popper. Of course he loved all the good things of life and he can well afford nigh everything money can buy but he had a thing about the ‘champ’. He had it specially blended for him from vines in far-flung lands. Champagne was his particular and especial passion.

    One day, the unexpected happened to Chief Cleanface: a local miscreant dared to desecrate his pristine abode. The misbegotten fellow managed to scale the high and imposing fence of Chief Cleanface’s pad, and having beaten the security, like a rat, he scurried into Chief’s living room.

    Bedazzled by the wanton opulence of Chief’s lounge, the young man trembled notwithstanding that he held Chief at ‘gun’ point. Unable to withstand the awesome presence of his ‘victim’ any longer, the pale intruder grabbed a fancy object within reach and made for the door. Of course the hapless fellow was soon ensnared in the exotic security web of Chief’s equally exotic palace.

    The miserable bugler was soon arraigned and put on trial post haste. The entire judiciary was agog and judges fell over each other for this special assignment. What cheeky, little, vermin dared to try robbing the Right Honorable Chief Cleanface; a noble of no match, a philanthropist of oceanic magnitude? This miserable young man must be taught a lesson never to look great men in the face how much more contemplate robbery, the judges thought.

    Soon the celebrated trial began. Of course no counsel stood for the poor son-of-gun save for a state prosecutor who all the time wondered why the state would waste so much time with a rascal. It turned out that the ‘gun’ the blighters brandished was only a toy pistol. It also turned out that all he ‘stole’ was an empty champagne case that resembled a compact stereo set.

    Even Chief Cleanface sobered up as the case reached its ugly crescendo. The intruder was an armed robber and the punishment was death. According to the judgment, he was found guilty of an offence bordering on conspiracy to commit armed robbery and was sentenced to death by hanging. Soon the Brahmins of the community repaired in Chief’s abode to celebrate his ‘survival’ and the triumph of the rule of law. Of course champagne flowed like water but Chief wallowed in private melancholy.

    He was a much tortured man and as soon as the crowd dispersed he lapsed deeper into sorrow. He remembered he had changed his name to Cleanface after pulling off a multi-billion naira pension scam. He had hired six seniors advocate; he had had to part with half of the loot in a quiet plea bargain. He still had about 10 billion with which he relocated far from the city and begun a new life as Chief Cleanface. Yes, his face – head, beard, eyebrow and all – he shaved clean in his new life. If this boy is hanged… he thought, as he turned in his golden bed later that night.

    Moral of the fable: the law is an ass….

     

  • Champagne jurisprudence – a fable

    Once upon a time, in a certain large and shambolic country, there lived a man of immense affluence known as Chief Cleanface. He was of such  means that all the nobles, princes and judges of the land would always gather in his palatial abode for one purpose – to quaff champagne.

    Chief Cleanface loved that bubbly, fizzy, golden popper. Of course he loved all the good things of life and he can well afford nigh everything money can buy but he had a thing about the ‘champ’. He had it specially blended for him from vines in far-flung lands. Champagne was his particular and especial passion.

    One day, the unexpected happened to Chief Cleanface: a local miscreant dared to desecrate his pristine abode. The misbegotten fellow managed to scale the high and imposing fence of Chief Cleanface’s pad, and having beaten the security, like a rat, he scurried into Chief’s living room.

    Bedazzled by the wanton opulence of Chief’s lounge, the young man trembled notwithstanding that he held Chief at ‘gun’ point. Unable to withstand the awesome presence of his ‘victim’ any longer, the pale intruder grabbed a fancy object within reach and made for the door. Of course the hapless fellow was soon ensnared in the exotic security web of Chief’s equally exotic palace.

    The miserable bugler was soon arraigned and put on trial post haste. The entire judiciary was agog and judges fell over each other for this special assignment. What cheeky, little, vermin dared to try robbing the Right Honorable Chief Cleanface; a noble of no match, a philanthropist of oceanic magnitude? This miserable young man must be taught a lesson never to look great men in the face how much more contemplate robbery, the judges thought.

    Soon the celebrated trial began. Of course no counsel stood for the poor son-of-gun save for a state prosecutor who all the time wondered why the state would waste so much time with a rascal. It turned out that the ‘gun’ the blighters brandished was only a toy pistol. It also turned out that all he ‘stole’ was an empty champagne case that resembled a compact stereo set.

    Even Chief Cleanface sobered up as the case reached its ugly crescendo. The intruder was an armed robber and the punishment was death. According to the judgment, he was found guilty of an offence bordering on conspiracy to commit armed robbery and was sentenced to death by hanging. Soon the Brahmins of the community repaired in Chief’s abode to celebrate his ‘survival’ and the triumph of the rule of law. Of course champagne flowed like water but Chief wallowed in private melancholy.

    He was a much tortured man and as soon as the crowd dispersed he lapsed deeper into sorrow. He remembered he had changed his name to Cleanface after pulling off a multi-billion naira pension scam. He had hired six seniors advocate; he had had to part with half of the loot in a quiet plea bargain. He still had about 10 billion with which he relocated far from the city and begun a new life as Chief Cleanface. Yes, his face – head, beard, eyebrow and all – he shaved clean in his new life. If this boy is hanged… he thought, as he turned in his golden bed later that night.

    Moral of the fable: the law is an ass….

  • Between champagne and beer

    Both the rich and poor in Nigeria are united by an obsession, drinks. Hannah Ojo writes about how taste distinguishes and defines class. 

    Down town in Lagos is Merriment Bar on Alves Street in Lawanson area of Lagos. It is a cathedral of sort for men who stroll in one after the other after the day’s work to, in the words of the poet John Fletcher, “Drink today and drown all sorrows.” Music booms from the loudspeakers, reverberating with sounds from current hip-hops songs. Once in a while, the new rhyme is put on hold for the euphoric beat of the inimitable Fela Anikulapo Kuti. This usually ushers in a new lease of life as the bar comes alive with older men echoing the refrain and responses after the music legend. On each table, the number of beer bottles far outnumber the glass cups. The long stretches of chairs and tables arranged on both ends of the street and another set leading inwards to a crescent gives the scene away as an Owambe gathering, a common feature of Lagos weekend life. Although the reporter visited on a Monday evening; it appears evening at the bar feels like a weekend outing.

    Columbus Ndukamma is one of the men manning the bar; he waded through scores of merriment seekers puffing cigarettes in the company of their female companions who are gently sipping from bowls of pepper soup to answer the question posed to him. When asked the number of drinks sold on a daily basis, he gave the average as 30 crates. “The number increases on weekends and public holidays”, he added. According to him, the number of bottles in a crate differs from each other as they come in varieties of 12, 18 and 24. When put together statistically, this amounted to a total of 520 bottles consumed in a single day. All in a single bar and just on one street! The total cost of this will amount to N10,400 when multiplied by N200, the amount most beer brands are sold in this kind of location.

    At a different level

    At another part of town, the highbrow area of Victoria Island, a N10,4000 worth of drink consumed by over a 100 people is less than the price of Cristal Champagne which a ‘big man’ places on a table in a typical upscale Lagos Night Club. For instance, at the Troy Restaurant and Club on Victoria Island where this reporter visited, Cristal, a variety of wine is sold for N125, 000. Palme D’or Rose another brand of champagne goes for N85, 000. The cheapest of the brands such as Mort Rose (small) and Moet& Chandon Brut sell at N18, 000. There is also a new entrant in the Nigerian market called Montaudon promoted by Jide Adenuga, a business man which sells for N750, 000.

    The prize for a bottle of champagne can go from the most expensive to the most ludicrous. Such is the tale of the world’s most expensive champagne ‘Taste of Diamonds’ which costs £1,200,000 created by Luxury designer Alexander Amosu, a US born Nigerian noted for creating custom-made items like suite, Blackberry and iphone which is recorded in the Guinness Book of World Records as most expensive. The custom made drink which design, according to Amosu is inspired by the superman style signature is hand crafted from an 18ct solid white gold weighing approximately 48gsm of solid gold centred by a single flawless deep cut white diamond weighing 19cts. The label which is engraved with the client’s name is also handmade in 18ct solid gold and weighs approximately 36gsm.

    Champagne, a sparkling wine which originates from France is a drink that the taste buds of most wealthy Nigerians crave for. It is sometimes referred to as ‘bubbly’ as it possesses a sparkling quality caused by the bubbles it creates when poured in a flute glass, with which it is often served. Whether at birthday parties, weddings, dinners, picnic and other events, the number of champagnes available for guests to latch on to is considered a statement in the wealth status of the host.

    Champagne is an elite obsession in Nigeria. According to Spiros Malandrakis, a senior analysts at Euromonitor, the research organisation which broke the news of Nigeria being the second fastest champagne market in the world, “ It’s not even about the middle class, it’s about the elite. People may find it surprising that Nigeria came second in the rankings, but it has an extremely extravagant elite, with Nollywood and the oil industry”, he said.

    Confirming this claim, a worker at the Oriental Hotel, a high class luxurious hangout for the super-rich on Victoria Island told this reporter that Nigerians are the highest consumers of champagne at the hotel which also attracts a sizeable number of expatriates. “While the Chinese would prefer their Chinese tea, Indians usually go for Vodkas but Nigerians are the champagne consumers.” The source also confirms the class of Nigerian clienteles to be mostly oil workers from Chevron, Shell and other big oil companies. Also listed are politicians of different cadres, even local government chairmen.

    As the rich pine after champagne for its vivacious effervescence, so are the poor and some members of the middle class obsessed with beer. However, the poor’s hankering for brewed liquor appears to be a consolatory drink to escape depression caused by hardship. One of the drinkers at Merriment Bar, Lawanson who identifies himself as Ayo said; “it is depression arising from disappointment that force men to drink”. Ndukamma, a bar man also testifies to the fact that most of his customers at the bar hardly stop at one bottle as some could go for four or more. “When a man has difficulties, beer gives him freedom and satisfaction.” He supported the fact that even paupers who hardly make enough to feed the many mouths on their waiting list still find money to drink. “Drinking makes you forget your sorrows,” he said. As if sensing the amusement in the reporter’s demeanour he promptly asked; “do you drink?,” perhaps to emphasize his point.

    The Nigerian beer industry is reputed to be the second largest beer market in Africa. There is an ironical twist to the event that as beer consumption in developed countries dwindles owing to the economic downturn; that of Nigeria is expanding. This is manifested in the increase in beer parlours or ‘people’s cathedral’ in most streets in various part of the country, except for the north where there is a restriction, yet people still invent ways to quench their thirst for liquor.

    According to analysts the surge in the beer market can also be attributed to a growing middle class and a large number of young people drinking most of who are also finding succour in the escapism of beer bottles to ease the tension of unemployment. Mr Nicolaas Vervelde, MD/CEO of Nigerian Breweries Plc attested to this in an interview in a brand magazine where he said: “a young population, a big population, growing middle class, growing organization, per capita, all fundamentals in that sense are indicating a very exciting growing beer market.”

    The inclusion of women into the drinking class is fast fuelling the trend also. Mrs. Bolanle Ogun, a distributor of a popular brand of beer in Ibadan once said that she used to hide the fact that she drinks beer because people in the society frown at the sight of a woman drinking. Like other western culture which found their way into the Nigerian system; the sight of a woman drinking beer appears to be becoming accepted as they too are not free from depression.

    In a couple of years, the country is expected to take the number one slot, findings according to Euromonitor International reveals. The beer turn over in Nigeria is said to be growing faster than the economy itself. “ At the moment, beer consumption is about 19.5 million hectolitres (a metric unit of capacity equal to 100 litres) in 2012 and growing at about 8-9 per cent per annum”, said Esili Eigbe, an analyst with Stanbic IBTC. Also, there is a forecast that champagne consumption in the country will reach 1.1 million litres by 2017. 2011 consumption was pegged at N8b naira.

    What implication does this spell for a fragile economy? Mr. Temitayo Odeyemi, a social scientist from the department of Political Science, Obafemi Awolowo University said the trend translates to a disadvantage in terms of foreign exchange. “We spend more, give more that we release which creates an unfavourable balance in both trade and payment,” he submitted.

    Does champagne consumption really surpass that of beer in the country? In the words of Chinua Achebe; “The death that will kill a man begins as an appetite.”

     

  • Champagne champions

    Champagne champions

    Nigeria, as this paper noted in an editorial last week, is indeed a huge theatre of the absurd. Or, how else do you explain our being the second largest champagne market, globally? Is it not strange that in a country where poverty is the hallmark of millions of faces, we still could find space for champagne to the point that we are number two among nations that consume it?

    Of course to get to this position, the country coughs up N41billion to finance the importation of this luxury; thanks to Euromonitor International which made the revelation. According to it, between 2006 and 2011, we achieved a compound annual growth of 22 percent in champagne consumption. Indeed, total champagne consumption reached 752,879 bottles (75cl) in 2011, higher than consumption in Russia and Mexico; therefore, placing Nigeria among the top 20 champagne markets in the world. Meanwhile, our Minister of National Planning, Dr Shamsudeen Usman has just told us that our dream (pipe dream?) of attaining one of the best 20 economies in the world by 2020 is no longer attainable.

    According to the Euromonitor International data, in 2010, Nigeria consumed about 593,000 bottles, the highest in Africa. The closest to this figure was South Africa’s 384,000 bottles. Like Nigeria, South Africa is another emerging market for luxury goods.

    “Nigerian champagne consum-ption is quite big,” says Charles Armand de Belenet, global marketing and communications director, at Pernod’s GH Mumm and Perrier Jouet Champagne brands, saying “we are building our network here and it is one of the most attractive places for us at the moment.” Mind you, manufacturing ventures are leaving Nigeria in droves; Michelin has gone, Dunlop has left, almost all the textile industries have become history. But champagne producers can find space to build network here?

    It is only the European markets that might have been taking by surprise that Nigeria could rank that high in global champagne consumption. As a matter of fact, Nigeria was not on their minds for the period 2011-2016. Countries like France (which tops the list), followed by United Kingdom, Brazil and China as well as the United States and the upbeat Australian market were the ones listed. “However, what did come as a surprise was Nigeria’s second place in these global rankings,” says Spiros Malandrakis, senior alcoholic drinks analyst at Euromonitor International, in a keynote presentation at the 2012 Champagne Assembly held in London.

    Obviously, they did not reckon with the proclivity of the Nigerian rich for ostentatious lifestyle; but Nigerians would not have been surprised by the findings because they know their rich like they do the lines on their palms. Rose champagne is sold for N77, 000, while Demi-set brand is N55, 000 per bottle. Krug and Crystal brands fall among the most expensive, with a bottle going for N165, 000 and N275, 000, respectively. But this is chicken change to many Nigerian rich, (never mind that minimum wage is about N18, 000 per month) most with inexplicable sources of the wealth they flaunt.

    The good news is that knowing our rich for what they are, the demand for such luxury can only rise; backward never. Whatever negative things our rich do, they try to excel. So, the champagne thing is just a confirmation of this.

    But make no mistake about it; it is not only the rich that drink like fish here. As you know, for every drink that the white man brought, we have our local equivalents. So, while our rich go for expensive brands like champagne, the not-so-rich also go for red wines, beer and stout, the same way the (so-called) poor also comfort themselves with ogogoro, burukutu, kanin kanin, our local brews that have been given all manner of names like te nle ana (get disgraced in your in-law’s place), etc. The rich drink champagne to show they are up there; but the poor are probably drinking in order to put their sorrow behind them. In other words, they drink and relax when all else has failed. Of course, as the ‘happiest people on earth’ that we are, we can afford to drink away our sorrows. That is why our breweries keep posting billions in profit annually. This is indication that their products are still selling in spite of the objections by some of our religions, particularly Christianity and Islam which believe it is ‘haram’ (sinful) to take alcoholic drinks.

    Indeed, that reminds me of something I almost forgot; it will be interesting to see the champagne consumption pattern across the regions. This is necessary in view of the widespread belief that few people consume alcoholic drinks in the northern part of the country. It will also be interesting to see if the Boko Haram kingpins drink champagne as well or whether, like Western education, champagne is also sinful. I recall that many years ago when I was on national service in Yola, then Gongola State, many big men who came for some of my youth corps female colleagues drank (alcoholic drinks) like fish. But they had a way of disguising what they were drinking because the drinks were poured from kettles similar to the ones they used to pray. The research into this matter must be thorough because I do not want anyone to call dog monkey for me. What I am saying is that I do not want to be told that what the big people in the north drink is non-alcoholic champagne because those who drink champagne do so not just as status symbol but also for the effect of its alcoholic content. What else could have been the attraction in procuring dizziness if not to make one dizzy?

    But I am still wondering why the adverts have not started pouring in congratulating our president for this feat that is happening in his time. Could it be that those to place the adverts are waiting for us to clinch the first position? But that is only a matter of time; France will soon lose that position to its rightful owner, Nigeria. Then it’ll be ours for keeps. Nigerian Big Men (and Women) hate being beaten in such contest.

    I hope someday, someone would do a survey again (the Late Chief Gani Fawehinmi compiled something like that before his death, but we need an update all the same) on Nigerian leaders’ trips abroad, whether in the quest for foreign investors (in a country where there is no power and security cannot be guaranteed), or for medical tourism or, worse still, for money laundering, I have no doubt again that Nigeria will retain its first position.

    On a last note, please join me in dancing to this song by one of our musicians of old:

    Ma mu ‘ti laye nbi (2ce)

    Bo ya won ki mu lorun,

    Ma mu ti laye nbi

    Bo ya won ki mu lorun,

    Ma muti laye nbi.

     

    Which other song could be more befitting for a country having its eyes on the trophy as the largest consumer of champagne than this which translates: ‘I will drink in this world, whether they don’t drink in heaven, I will drink on planet earth!’ Congrats in advance, Nigeria, champagne champions

     

  • Champagne country

    Champagne country

    •·Nigeria must benefit from the indulgences of its wealthy citizens

    For a nation whose basic development indicators leave much to be desired, Nigeria apparently has no difficulty in drinking its way into global prominence. The recent declaration that the country is the world’s second-largest consumer of the costly sparkling French white wine known as champagne is an interesting reflection of the country’s social structure, its consumption patterns and the way it is administered.

    According to Euromonitor, an international research firm, Nigeria consumed U.S. $59 million (N9.4 billion) worth of champagne in 2011, making it second only to France, where the wine originated. The country’s consumption of 593,000 bottles of champagne in 2010 was the highest in Africa for that year. Between 2006 and 2011, the growth in consumption of the beverage rose by 22 per cent.

    The consumption of champagne has apparently been driven by increasing ostentation in the lifestyles of the Nigerian elite, especially the newly-rich comprising musical celebrities, political office-holders, entrepreneurs and businessmen who seem determined to let the world know that they have arrived. Champagne-drinking is an expensive indulgence: a bottle can cost anywhere between N77,000 and N275,000.

    Nigeria’s ranking as a top-ranked champagne-drinker is the latest manifestation of a culture of conspicuous consumption which it first demonstrated during the oil boom of the mid-seventies. The stupendous increase in the wealth of its social elite has seen a flood of luxury brands descend upon the country. Home to the continent’s largest collection of millionaires, biggest buyers of private jets in the world, Nigeria has once again forced itself on global consciousness as a nation that has money and is prepared to spend it.

    Although this exclusive club of tipplers is obviously free to enjoy itself to its hearts’ content, it is worrying that the Federal Government is not taking proper advantage of its citizens’ lavish tastes. A thinking administration would have made certain that some of that wealth came to it by ensuring that the importation and consumption of this kind of luxury is adequately taxed. There is absolutely no reason why a developing country should not fully exploit the indulgences of its wealthier citizens. In addition, instead of simply confining itself to being a consumer of what others produce, Nigeria’s entrepreneurs should seek to get a piece of the champagne action. If the country cannot grow the grapes, it could serve as a hub for distribution in Africa, at the very least.

    At a more fundamental level, however, Nigeria’s industrial-scale drinking habits should give it cause for pause. If expensive champagne is being consumed in such large quantities, what is to be said of far cheaper and more popular staples like beer and gin? The consumption of alcoholic beverages needs to be carefully monitored by the authorities, given the obvious implications for society as a whole. Greater efforts must be made to ensure that social drinking takes place within the appropriate context, and steps taken to ensure that it does not facilitate drunk driving, drug use, prostitution and other vices.

    A champagne-popping country in which nearly 70 per cent of the population live on less than one dollar a day is a nation of enormous social discrepancies. Nigeria cannot hope to tackle widespread poverty and unemployment or overcome the epidemic of kidnapping, armed robbery and terrorism without dealing with the ever-widening gap between its rich and poor citizens. A country that is wealthy enough to drink champagne like a developed nation should be able to afford to provide social welfare and infrastructure like one.