THEIR relationship was one that captured the imagination of many, with some observers equating their love story to that of the mythical Cinderella and her Prince Charming. Unfortunately, unlike the latter, the romantic liaison of the ‘glamour boy’ of Nigeria’s new generation preachers, Pastor Chris Okotie of the Household of God Church, Lagos, and his then heartthrob, Stephanie Henshaw, did not have the ‘happily ever after’ ending of most fairytales.
Their four-year marriage crashed like a house built on sandy, shaky foundation with a cryptic statement by the charismatic pastor to his congregation on June 24, 2012, which did not throw any light on what led to the break-up of their high profile union.
To Pastor Okotie, who had been married before to Tina, it might not have come abruptly as issues that led to the collapse of the marriage must have dragged between the couple for a while.
Just like his separation from the first wife, Tina, many of the church members were numbed, devastated by the news. But more of the church followers clung to the pastor and to the church with great devotion. Pastor Okotie remained a special attraction to his members. Many wept for him on our visit to the church immediately after the second separation took place. They said they loved him, that they felt sorry for his unsuccessful marriages but vowed to continue with the church.
Nearly two years after, a thick wall of speculation and mystery still surrounds their marital break-up. Pastor Okotie, who, according to reports, had promised in 2012 that he would reveal to the world in the new year what his wife did to him to make him end their marriage, has not fulfilled his promise.
In the early days of the split, the pastor, from close observations at the pulpit, looked troubled as he sang and did his solo performances during church services. Most of the female members were there to cry along as he sometimes sang in tears with some encouraging him to sing and give more.
Over a year into life as a bachelor once again, Pastor Okotie has bounced back to life. He is now more relaxed at the pulpit and outside. The pains may linger around once in a while but the pastor is at ease with himself. He has come out to boldly say that he is not interested in marriage again.
His church media department has equally stated the same to the ears of whoever may doubt that declaration. But then, the number of beautiful ladies flocking to the church has increased. Some well-known members of the church, who initially left, have even returned from the self-imposed exile abroad to fellowship there once again.
And if you don’t know it, Pastor Okotie has not compromised his standards. His glamour lifestyle continues. The classy perks around the church remain. While many speculate about his inner most privacy, the pastor went on a spending spree few weeks back when a church source is said to have confirmed that he spent a whooping N120 million for a Rolls Royce Coupe, 2014 Bespoke Edition and another N33 million for a Range Rover.
Our attempt to get the pastor to talk did not succeed, but questions begging for answers include: Will the women folk truly allow this charming pastor to live a successful life of bachelorhood at just 55 plus? And is this pastor truly capable of withstanding all the wiles of all those beautiful ‘born again’ ladies in his church and outside it?
Who is ‘perfect’ enough for Pastor Okotie? Who has all the love that can keep Pastor Okotie from bachelorhood? Whose head fits the cap of Pastor Okotie’s wealth and luxury lifestyle and at the same time fits his spiritual needs? Where is that possible Mrs. Okotie hiding? Will she ever appear? Will she ever let him maintain that declaration of ‘no more marriage’? Only time will tell.
What church members say
The Household of God’s Church, which Okotie leads as the main pastor, is one of the ‘new wave’ churches in the country that attracts some of the ‘happening crowd’ in town with celebrities like movie and music stars, beauty queens, top professionals, the elites and the nouveau riche among its members. The marital woes of their youthful, charismatic pastor have left many befuddled, with some wondering if there will be light at the end of the dark marital tunnel for him.
Gloria Doyle, musician and member of the church, is of the view that the decision to stay single or married again is a personal choice of the pastor. “If we want to follow what the word of God says, it is a two-way thing,” she said. “If you can stay alone and control yourself, fine, especially since he has tasted marriage twice before now. As a minister of God, if he feels he can contain himself, it is better for him to stay single. But if he feels he cannot contain himself, like you know, searching and moving from one lady to the other, then he has to go and get married. That is what the bible says.
“So, it depends on the side that he finds himself. If he believes that he has tried the first marriage and then the second marriage, which, to me, was very abnormal, in the sense that it was not supposed to crash since they had been friends for about 19 years. If they have been friends for 19 years, then why get married only to crash it within four years? I call it abnormal because they should have made a success out of it.”
Shedding some light on the intense struggle among some of the female church members to capture the handsome church leader for themselves, she revealed: “Of course, before I left Lagos, I know how it was there; it was a competition of some sort. Every girl in the church wanted him! Many of them were turning to fair ladies over night because they thought he likes fair ladies. So, they were using all sorts of things to turn themselves to fair ladies to gain his attention.
“Some were leaving because they were like, they couldn’t get his attention. Ladies were trying all sorts of things to make sure that they could probably be the one. I had a very good close friend there then who said it that she could do anything to become Mrs. Okotie (laughs). I used to laugh at them then. There is no woman that will not want to spend her life with someone like that. That is the simple truth.
“My sincere advice to him is to settle down, know his passion, and know the kind of woman that can fit into his passion before he gets married again. One thing I know is that God created a man and a woman for companionship. Money cannot fill in that gap. Having people surround you cannot fill in that gap because somehow at some point, they will go. When you talk about friendship and marriage, you are talking about someone that can fill in every moment with you.
“The book of Proverbs says charm, which is beauty, is deceitful and beauty itself is vain. A God-fearing woman would be greatly praised. That is the kind of woman he needs to get married to. As a man of God, we expect that he understands the bible more than we do. He should be able to understand the woman that would fit into his calling as a minister of God. After that, he should get married. But if he feels that he wants to stay as a bachelor, it is still obtainable.
“One thing I know is that God created a man and a woman for companionship. Money cannot fill in that gap. Having people surround you cannot fill in that gap because somehow at some point, they will go. When you talk about friendship and marriage, you are talking about someone that can fill in every moment with you. Sincerely, Pastor Okotie may say he is contented, but he is not a happy man. When you see a happy man, you know he is a happy man. I don’t see Okotie as a happy man.”
Another member, who simply gave her name as Mandy, however, debunks that, insisting that the Pastor is, indeed, a happy man. “You are asking if my pastor is a happy man? Absolutely, he is a happy man. Why shouldn’t we be happy? He is happy. I am happy. We are all happy. Do you need a wife and children before you are happy? In most cases, it is not so. Let me tell you, our happiness is predicated on Christ. So that gives us joy. We have joy. Wife and children do not add or remove anything in you. You are who you are in Christ. And that is what matters.”
She is also supportive of the Pastor’s choice of acquiring an ultra-expensive new Rolls Royce car, stating: “My Pastor has just acquired a Rolls Royce. If he has that, it means I have it too. You know, my Pastor is still looking very young, even in his mid 50s. He is single again. And he is happy.
“No, my pastor is not going to get married again. He is married to Jesus. He needs his Rolls Royce, even now that he is single. What is wrong in a single driving a Roll Royce? Do you need a wife and children to drive a Rolls Royce with you? There is time for everything. My pastor is over 55; he doesn’t need to drive a Rolls Royce to impress ladies. He doesn’t even need to impress ladies for anything! He doesn’t need such impression.”
Another member, Joy Davies, believes the pastor could stay single for life if he so desires. “The pastor is a holy person who thinks differently from every other member of this church and the society. I think the pastor might want to free himself from things of the world and wouldn’t want to get married again. It is okay for our pastor to remain single till the rest of his life, if he so desires,” she noted.
Also speaking on the issue, Lanre Idowu, a member, said: “He has not changed his mind about his intention not to re-marry. I don’t know if he is happy or not. He has not given me authority to grant an interview on his behalf, so I don’t know. But in an interview he granted on this matter some time ago, he insisted that he will not get married again.
“Please let our Pastor be, it is his personal life,” maintained James Ekundayo, a member. “If he desires to marry again, I am sure that none of us will be able to stop him. It is his life, whether he is a pastor or not, he still has his personal life to live. As an adult, he has a right to decide how he wants to live. Personally, if he re-marries, I will celebrate with him and other members of our church over it. But if he doesn’t, that is not my immediate business but his own. My pastor is happy and I am happy at the church,” he posited.
Stella Monday, an irregular attendee of the church, attributes the pastor’s problem with marriage to his wealth. As she stated: “I have not been attending church recently, but I think the Pastor can re-marry. I mean, why not? There is nothing wrong with it. I did not know that he said he will not re-marry, like I told you earlier, I have not been to church for some time. Well, if he said so, then let us see how long that will last (laughs). But somehow, within me, I do not think he is a happy guy. And I don’t know why I think so.
“From what I perceive, I always think that he could be happier. He is too lonely and sometimes, I think that too much money may be a problem. You know, sometimes when somebody has too much money, controlling it becomes an issue. Pastor Okotie is a wealthy man. He has a lot of money. However, you can’t change people. The women who want to marry him will have to learn to accept him and thread softly around him. I guess that should be the solution. But I know one good thing about him. He knows how to spoil women. So if you are a lady and the pastor spoils you, just know that it is your luck.”
