A few days into the Christmas celebrations, snooper witnessed a most outlandish and unforgettable sight. It was Okon fully kitted in Father Christmas costumes being borne along the streets by Baba Lekki and the usual retinues of hangers on all chanting “Feliz navidad” in a rowdy and raucous manner. Boy, the whole place smelt like an abandoned ogogoro factory. The crazy boy was obviously in high spirits, no pun intended, and appeared in fine fettle.
Very soon, the riotous crowd was joined by urchins and other urban vagabonds turning the whole thing into a carnival-like procession of the dispossessed. It was at this point that a drunken solitary policeman attempted to arrest Okon for impersonating Jesus.
“Sebi you say you be Jesu, abi? Na sergeant go settle dat one when we reach station”, the drunken cop guffawed as he pointed his Mark 4 rifle at Okon. To everybody’s surprise, Okon brushed aside the fellow with disarming familiarity.
“Yellow, I give you one minute to run for your life with your Shakabula gun or you will smell your mama’s yansh”, Okon roared. The policeman, now recognizing who it was, jumped through the restive crowd and took to his heels.
“Yeepaa, na dem Esu boy from Calabar . He don beat me well well before before”, he screamed as he tore through the adjoining street with the crowd cursing at his heels.
The train soon stopped in front of an abandoned warehouse as Okon settled down to distributing rice pilfered from an upended trailer even as Baba Lekki began smoking prohibited weeds from his prodigious pipe.
“Dis one na ma own contribution to dem National Pension scheme, or baba abi na pension scam as you dey call am?”, the mad boy began with an expansive flourish.
“Go on my boy, your head never knock. Him still get engine oil”, the crazy old crook nodded with warm approval.
“Baba no be say Okon thief rice. Na trailer jam and Okon come jam rice, baba abi no be so?”, the crazy boy drawled.
“Na dat one dem they call ijamba for Yoruba”, the old devil concurred.
“Why dem trailer dey carry only rice and no currency from ONSA?” one fellow snorted from the crowd. Like a practiced operative, Baba Lekki immediately picked the dangerous train of thought.
“Dangote no dey transport currency. Na Seriki mai-rice. Onsa means he dey run for Yoruba.”. Baba Lekki crowed. But the damage had been done. It was the turn of one sturdy-looking man who flatly refused the offer of rice.
“Give me one Dasuki”, the man bellowed rather threateningly.
“Wetin be one Dasuki?” Okon asked the irate fellow.
“One billion, period!” the man screamed and stormed away. A hush fell on the crowd. There was an awful silence everywhere. Even Okon appeared momentarily lost. Then he seemed to have regained his old confidence.
“Baba, see me see trouble. You no see how the yeye people I wan help dey disgrace me? Dem no wan chop rice rice again na money dem wan chop”, Okon rued like a lost soul.
“Okon, rice sweet but money sweet pass am”, the crazy old man whispered.
“Baba, you come dey sound like dem old TAN people. Abi you don obtain sef?” Okon chortled.
“Ha Okon, stealing no be corruption and obtainment no be stealing” the old man crowed.
“Na God go punish dem wuruwuru fisherman. He come turn dem obodo country to Kalokalo machine. As dem thing come dey vomit money dem come dey carry go”, the crazy boy lamented.
“Okon I don tell una say father Christmas pass father Christmas. Make we dey go home”, Baba sneered.
“Baba, I never know say stealing dey dem Nigerian constitution”, Okon rued.
“Okon dat one he depend on dem intendment of dem framers of dem constitution”, Baba Lekki noted with a jocular frown.
“Baba he be like if say dem don frame dem framers for dis time. Na iron frame dem must to put for Kirikiri”, Okon screamed.
“Okon your brother Bode come say na jara dem gave am, so na jara jail he go go dis time”, Baba Lekki sniggered.
“Dat one him head no correct at all”, Okon spat.
It was at this point that a madman who had been snoring through the proceeding suddenly roused and screamed, “rice ooo compatriots”. Before anybody could make any sense out of this, he seized a cudgel and began attacking everybody and everything in sight.
