Continued from last week
There are underlying mechanisms of the midlife crisis: physical, mental, spiritual, environmental, and social mechanisms. To know them helps the mid-lifer to undergo mid-life transition rather than midlife-crisis.
Spiritual: Spiritual matters contributing to midlife crises are typically individualistic and may be above intellectual scrutiny therefore we will not attempt to analyze them too much here. It is important to know that having a good soul mate in marriage and/or suitable life companions, living according to one’s predestination which is often inscribed in our genetic makeup and talents, and having a proper relationship to one’s origin and end (widely understood as God) are important contributors to life fulfilment and satisfaction which are partially attained by midlife. Uneven yokes are risky and may become counterproductive. At midlife one may become aware of what has become one’s predominant contribution (good or evil) to one’s family, society, or the world: progress or backwardness, love or hate, mediocrity or greatness, order or chaos, justice or strife -temporary or permanent. Positive outcomes of awareness of one’s contributions may be satisfaction, contentment, joy, peace, freedom, optimism, drive, momentum, etc. Negative outcomes may be dissatisfaction, rebellion, unhappiness, viciousness, paralysis, pessimism, discouragement, despondency, etc. Crises are playgrounds of evil. Transition is to gain spiritual power to overcome various evils.
Environmental: A midlife entrepreneur in Nigeria at this point in early 2016 that has no personal solutions to problems of electricity, petroleum, and forex shortages experienced in the country may be bound for crisis. Many parts of the world are hit by overpowering wars, floods, catastrophes, accidents, epidemics, etc. that devastate people’s lives instantly. No matter how matured and successful the mid-lifer was before such happenings, crisis is generally inevitable. To see the gains of ones efforts in life destroyed suddenly and possibly irrecoverably is bad for one’s ego and emotions. There can be lasting wounds: physical, mental, spiritual. People of power, influence, and affluence should be quick is assisting victims who suffer such disasters. The quicker and the better the aid, the better the transition the victims can make.
Societal: Some people at midlife find themselves with the double responsibilities of taking care of their children, especially costs of education, and taking care of their parents, especially cost of health care. Both can be financially draining, time consuming, and can limit one’s other interests or capabilities. This can become a source of crisis. On the other hand, the Empty Nest may be a source of midlife crises. The children have gone to live their own lives and single parents or couples are left alone in their homes. The initial adjustments may be difficult. Mid-lifers may also grow tired of or sever longtime associates possibly through such factors as: change of occupation, review of religious beliefs, change of political affiliations, awareness of cultural identities, emergence of differential social statuses between oneself and one’s associates, limitation by illnesses, and relocation. Loss of friendships, acquaintances, and relationshipsare telling in lack of social support when needed. The wisdom of Ecclesiastes 4: 10 (NAB) puts it: “Woe to the solitary man! For if he should fall, he has no one to lift him up.” Transition is to reposition oneself correctly in society and this may be in different aspects for different persons.
Factors That Can Lead To Male Midlife Crisis
Popular gossip says “men have huge egos”. Has anyone been able to disprove it? A man needs to feel that he is a man and if he does not feel so, there may be crisis. A crisis is expressed in active or passive behavior. Actively, a man in midlife crisis would most likely do anything to make him feel bigger or better such as: having a new girlfriend that is twenty years younger or far more good-looking than his wife, marrying more wives that he has no time or money for; buying a new posh car that only creates a fleet in his yard; scrambling to the top of the professional ladder recklessly; embezzling a huge some; breaking laws with audacity; oppressing someone; doing outrageous things, etc. Passively, one may escape from reality through drink, drugs, sex, abandonment of job or family, etc.
Factors That Can Lead To Female Midlife Crisis
A woman’s emotions are a treasure for her children and husband and when emotions are empty there may be crisis. Celibate women who have lost the fervor of their celibacy may experience crisis due to unfulfilled emotions. Single women may also be strongly disposed towards midlife crisis for lack of a spouse or children. Widows, divorced women, and single mothers may also be strongly disposed to midlife emptiness. The premenopausal, menopausal, and postmenopausal stages that women pass through may vary individually and may turn to crisis depending on whether the woman is celibate, single, a widow, or divorced and depending on whether she is a mother or childless. Talking is a good outlet of one’s feelings but it can also bond one with the listener which may be good or bad, depending on the listener. Emotional substitutions may be by anything including adopting a child, keeping any company including bad or unfit dates, attachment to groups and teams including faith groups, and using sex toys.
Even though men may have huge egos and women may have huge emotions, the role of the ego or emotions in a crisis is individualistic and midlife crisis may have emotional or egoistic preponderance in either males or females alike.
Dr. ‘Bola John is a biomedical scientist based in Nigeria and in the USA. For any comments or questions on this column, please email bolajohnwritings@yahoo.com or call 08160944635
