The Nation Newspaper

Tag: forgive

  • Obasanjo to Atiku: God will never forgive me if I support you for president

    FORMER President Olusegun Obasanjo has ruled out the possibility of his support for the presidential ambition of his former deputy, Alhaji Atiku Abubakar.

    Obasanjo told online publication, Premium Times, in Abeokuta, that the former vice president should not count on his support in next year’s election, or at any other time.

    Atiku recently formally declared his interest to seek the ticket of the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP)   for the election.

    “How can I be on the same side with Atiku? To do what?,” Obasanjo asked rhetorically in response to a question during the interview.

    He added: “If I support Atiku for anything, God will not forgive me. If I do not know, yes, but once I know, Atiku can never enjoy my support.”

    Obasanjo dismissed suggestions that he had personal grudges against Atiku, saying: “If you do not do well for Nigeria, you do not do well for all of us.

    “It is not a question of working with or not working with an individual.

    “If you are working for the good of Nigeria, I am working with you. If you are not working for the good of Nigeria it does not matter who you are I am not working with you.”

    Obasanjo fell out with Atiku midway into their  tenure as president  and vice president between 1999 and 2003 but managed to patch up their differences to contest the 2003 election together.

    But once they emerged winners in that election, their hostilities resumed full blast and have not  been able to mend fences ever since despite pretensions from  both sides.

    The former president recently formed what he called Coalition for Nigeria Movement (CNM) to, in his words, rescue Nigeria from its present mess.

    The group  has since adopted a political party, African Democratic Congress, for the purpose of  realizing  its dream of a new Nigeria and take  over from President Muhammadu Buhari.

    The ADC has gone into an alliance with the main opposition party, Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) and others to present a common candidate against Buhari next year.

    Asked if he would support Atiku in the event he emerged as the coalition’s candidate, Obasanjo retorted: “I know Atiku very well. And I have mentioned my position with Atiku. My position has not changed.

    “If my children are getting married, he has sent representatives. If his children are getting married, I have sent representatives. That is social. That is not political.

    “On political ground, my position has not changed. If I support Atiku for a political office other than the one I supported him in the past when I did not know him, maybe, but not now that I know him, God will not forgive me.”

  • Oyo: We’ll forgive aggrieved members -Ajimobi

    Sequel to parallel state congresses held in Oyo State yesterday, Governor Abiola Ajimobi has expressed willingness to accommodate aggrieved members of the party, if they are willing to repent.

    Noting that politics was usually ridden with agitation, interests, conflict and reconciliation, he avowed that he would be magnanimous and humble to accept aggrieved members who he expects to beg to return to the mainstream of the party.

    Ajimobi who spoke just after the congress of the party held at Lekan Salami Stadium, Adamasingba, Ibadan, however, said he will accommodate those persons who propagate progressive ethos and eschew brigandage and thuggery.

     

     

    He charged the Chief Akin Oke-led state executive council, which was returned through consensus, for another four years term, to continue to work for the unity and peace of the party and accommodate everybody.

    Speaking on the need to restore peace in the party, Ex-Governor, Adebayo Alao-Akala expressed the willingness to lead the cause of reuniting the ruling party, noting that he had offered himself to the governor to pursue the course.

    Addressing journalists, the State Congress Committee Chairman, Mr. Abdullahi Gwarzo, said the committee was unaware of any other congress apart from the one it coordinated at Lekan Salami Stadium, Adamasingba.

     

  • Why Ndigbo must must forgive Buhari

    If you do not forgive your fellow man, how then can you seek for forgiveness from God? This is the question that captures the full essence of Christianity. The Bible illustrates: A rich man wanted to take stock of his business. He called all his servants to give account. In the process, he discovered that one of the servants could not account for N100,000. He ordered that he be locked up and be made to pay to the last kobo. But the defaulter fell flat on his knees and begged for mercy, asking to be given more time to enable him pay.

    Moved with pity, the master asked him to go, for all his debts were forgiven.

    Overwhelmed, the defaulter left, rejoicing. However, that joy was short-lived, as he soon encountered a man who owed him N1,000. In anger, he seized the debtor by the throat: Pay me what you owe!

    All pleas for mercy and to be given time to redeem the debt, fell on deaf ears.

    Still unable to pay, he dragged the debtor to the police station, who charged the matter to court and had him jailed according to the law.

    Distressed by this great show of wickedness, some of the servants of the rich man, who witnessed the entire episode, ran back to their master and narrated everything to him. The rich man ordered that he be brought to him immediately. You this man, he thundered, how much did you owe me that I forgave you, yet you could not forgive the debt of the person that owed you far less? He ordered his servants to bind and throw him into a dark room, where he will suffer and gnash his teeth.

    Does this biblical narrative ring a familiar bell? Right now, Nigeria is dealing with one. Or does anybody really need an interpreter to decipher the similarity between this and what is happening between President Muhammadu Buhari and the Igbo people?

    God granted the President a second chance after spending an entire 103 days abroad dealing with an ailment. It is almost certain that he must have made supplications to Allah, and promised to be a better person if he was eventually spared. But what does he give in return?

    Don’t blame anybody who waited for the broadcast, the President promised the nation on his return, with bated breath. Not a few actually believed that he would be a new Buhari, burnished and refined by his near-death experience, having confessed himself that he had never been so sick in his life, and mellowed by realisation that he lived only because God willed it.

    Today, many of those who harboured that expectation are not only hugely disappointed, but are actually bracing up to the new reality that nothing has changed and nothing would probably change.

    For Ndigbo, nothing could conduce a more compelling reality. If there was any iota of hope otherwise, the events of the last two weeks or so, must now jolt them back to face the truth. They must now come to terms with the fact that under a Buhari Presidency, theirs would be weeping, wailing and gnashing of the teeth.

    If anything, the designation of the Indigenous People of Biafra (IPOB) as a terrorist organisation, has indeed not only made it more apparent, but opened a new vista as to the cross Ndigbo must bear at this time.

    With the new tag on IPOB, degrading, cruel and inhuman treatments seem imminent. Massive arrests, torture, imprisonment and even death cannot be overruled. All it takes is to be branded an IPOB member. People’s homes and businesses could even be targeted, buildings pulled down in the explanation that their owners are IPOB members or communities sacked, in pursuit or search for IPOB members. Nobody really knows how far and wide it could get.

    Of course, in each episode and even the worst-case scenario, there will be a retinue of government agents and supporters to rationalise. Easy judicial pronouncements will also be obtained, as in the instant case to provide official cover. Even people from the South-east will be there to take ownership of the onslaught, casting their people who are victims as agent provocateurs.

    After making 48 critical appointments without an Igbo man or woman, those who shouted, were again branded Wailers and shouted down. What did those the previous governments appointed achieve? When the President made his infamous 97-5 (3) per cent mathematical analogy, those who cried out were similarly scuffed at as Buhari haters crying because they lost avenues for free money.

    When Fulani herdsmen went on rampage in the South-east and instead of arresting them, those who tried to defend themselves against the obvious invasion, as happened in Enugu, were rounded up and detained for months in Owerri prison, countless Buhari lovers struggled to outdo themselves in rationalising it.

    Today, the build-up has endured, such that Nigeria’s security council, could take the most critical decision that would have great impact on Ndigbo, like the IPOB case, without a single Igbo man participating, because they have been totally excluded. Not even the latest National Peace Corps is headed by an Igbo. Yet, people line up to rationalise it.

    On the flipside, in these days when nobody seems sure of anything, Nnamdi Kanu is even a suspect. Some have actually branded him as some sort of agent, who delibrately offered himself to be used to prepare his people for the slaughter house, because, no rational person would be that tactless and brazen, if the agenda is actually noble. Not only are his high-voltage rants against other ethnic groups immature and dangerous, given the diversity of the same Igbo people he claims to be protecting, setting up groups like the Biafran Secret Service (BSS) and Biafran National Guard (BNG) against all reasons and advice, without the needed elements to back them up was not only dangerous, but had serious suspicious implications. After all, is it no longer true Igbo saying that you stay in the house of a coward to point to the ruins of a warrior?

    Nobody really knows the reason for the bird to be dancing in the middle of the road, except that the drummer is in the bush. However, Ndigbo are no fools. They will surely get to the root of the whole matter, where everything will be revealed in the fullness of time.

    But before that every Igbo man must bend his knees in supplication to God, as the first and only option and saving grace for now.

    But in doing so, they must first free their minds. Doing so must be to totally forgive Buhari and those who have caused them harm. It is difficult, but they must, because the only way they can obtain mercy from God is to forgive those who have wronged them.

    Those who crucified Jesus Christ, must have expected to receive a curse for their atrocious action. Instead Jesus, not only forgave them, but prayed to His father on their behalf. Stephen, as he was being stoned to death for his faith, also prayed to God thus: Father, do not hold this against them.

    Think about the late Pope John Paul 11. Mehmet Ali Aðca, who shot him, in 1981, had intended to kill him. Yet, the first thing he did when he came out hospital, was to visit him in prison and not only totally forgave him, but asked for his freedom.

    If that is still not enough, Nelson Mandela, brought it closer home, when he forgave those who jailed him for 27 years.

    Yes, Igbo people must not only endure Buhari for the next two years or even six years for the treatment they have received so far and the ones yet to be received, they must also forgive him. The power of forgiveness far surpasses the greatest ammunition ever fashioned by the human hands.

  • Traditional worshippers: forgive and forget

    The Ancient Religion Societies of African Descendants International Council (ARSADIC) has urged the Yoruba and Hausa to forgive and forget, following the violence between them in Ile-Ife, Osun State.

    A statement by its President, Aare Sola Olalekan Atanda, said forgiveness was necessary because of the consequences of staining the abode of the Orisa.

    According to him, retaliation is never the solution but parties must forgive and learn tolerance, adding that peace is light and fighting is death.

    Atanda, who described Ile-Ife as a sacred ancient city and the cradle of mankind, said the world could not afford any disturbance and threat to life and property in the town.

    He called on traditional priests and priestesses to join hands in prayers and rituals with the 20 kings of Orisa Ife (Oba Isoro) in seeking peace for the town.

  • Why you should forgive and forget (2)

    WE will be looking at more useful counsel on why it is necessary to forgive and forget. Sometimes we find it difficult to let go despite the fact that we claim to have forgiven our offenders. Like some people will say, I can forgive, but I cannot forget.

    Genuine forgiveness and giving-up resentment go hand in hand. Real forgiveness requires three things: understanding the other’s experiences and feelings, being compassionate to others and accepting others as they are.

    To forget what was said or the action that was carried out, or pretend that it never happened is not true because the word or action indeed took place, so for you to let go which is regarded forgetting, the following steps should be put into consideration.

    Talk about how the word or action has affected you. It could be your friend,  family member or worker, and find out what made him or her say or do what hurt you. Make your message clear, and pour out your emotion freely.

    Avoid violence because it is not the best way of resolving issues. Don’t be in denial and tell the person your pain, bitterness, and resentment. On the other hand, if writing the issue down will make you feel better, why not do so.

    The main issue here is that you need to let it out from your mind, so that you can get rid of the whole issue faster and move on. Because the sooner you forgive and let go, the better for you as a person. As a matter of fact, forgiveness is really an act of will, making up your mind to forgive the offender, even before you are asked for forgiveness.

    This can only take place when you put certain steps into consideration, which are as follows: First is to acknowledge that others have also forgiven your offences as well. Once you realize this, forgiving your offender might come easier.

    The next step is to release the person from your mind. It might be emotional which involves mental bundling up all hostile feelings and throwing them behind you. This can be achieved in two ways either by meeting face to face or by using a substitute possibly sharing the issue with someone who will help you put things right with your offender.

    Acceptance must not be excluded, accepting others as they are and releasing them from any responsibility to meet your needs should also be considered.  Learn not to expect more from people, so that you will not be disappointed by their actions.

    Certain people can make or destroy your day, depending on the level of attention you give to their actions or utterances. However, when you decide as an act of will to forgive, you absolve your offender of any responsibility to meet your expectations. In addition, you must see the person as a tool in your life to assist your growth. Experience, they say, is the best teacher. It also helps you understand and appreciate boundaries.

    The last thing that must be considered is the aspect of reconciliation, regardless of how you go about it. Restoration after forgiveness is vital and you must ask God to restore the lost good relationship you once shared with this person.

    Furthermore, several things will occur once the forgiveness process is completed. The first effect is that all the negative feelings about your offender will disappear completely and you start seeing the person in a different form. Henceforth, you find it simple to accept your offender without feeling the need to change him, being willing to understand people for who they are and be able to tolerate their strengths and weaknesses.

    Finally, your concern should be more about the person, not his or her action. So, no matter the pain, whatever the situation, you must learn to get involved with the process of forgiving others and find out what it means to let go and be free.  Take care of yourself and each other.

     

    Harriet Ogbobine is a counsellor and a motivational speaker. Send your questions and suggestions to her on bineharriet@gmail.com or text message only 08054682598. You can also follow her on twitter @bineharrietj, instagram-harrietogbobine, blog; liwh.com.ng

  • Why you should forgive and forget?

    Dear Harriet, I am hurting badly. I just can’t forgive him for what he did. It is so hard for me to let go. Please, help me.

    Amaka, Lagos.

    Thanks for sharing your situation; it is not that easy to open up when it comes to emotional issues, so I must commend you for your text message because some people in your situation will try dealing with it on their own, instead of seeking help.

    From every indication, it must have been a very painful experience, although details of the offence are not given here. Holding on to grudge and revenge works like a deadly poison that can destroy the general well- being and mind of a person.

    Not been able to face anger and confront bitterness issues (whether from a loved one, colleague, relative and so on), people allow  unforgiving behaviour to cause much distress for them. However, it might sound impossible or irrational, let’s face it, forgiveness is the most difficult issue to tackle in one’s heart. The reason is simply because the afflicted person believes that he or she has every cause to loathe his or her offender.

    Forgetting that by refusing to forgive and let go, you might feel you are fine by it without knowing that the experience is only a temporary feeling of peace, a momentary taste of satisfaction and contentment for a while to prove your supposed strength and ability to forge on with life, leaving the offender behind.

    As a matter of fact, forgiveness is a choice, conscious decision. Note it is a personal decision to let go off the pain, bitterness that the action has caused. Forgiveness makes you feel relief; it’s like a heavy weight has been lifted off your heart.

    Don’t forget when you bear grudges, you are actually the person that is putting his/her health in danger, therefore, when you forgive, you are helping yourself; it makes way for kindness and compassion.  It reduces anxiety, stress and hostility. It also helps to reduce the intake of alcohol and abusive substances to ease off the painful situation.

    Forgiving the person does not make the offence right or that you accept the wrong action, instead it is a way of peace with yourself and the person.

    The choice a person makes can affect the rest of his or her life. There are so many people who have been burdened with an unforgiving heart, a heart that feels the same way you feel at the moment because of the magnitude of the offence this will  affect other aspects of their lives because they did not deal with the issue properly.

    In addition, some people view forgiveness as an agreement or settlement, forgetting that genuine forgiveness is not a truce but a pardon. Aforementioned, the person is not agreeing rather he or she is releasing; forgiveness benefits the offended person more than the offender.

    That is to say once forgiveness is offered, it means the problem is totally handed over to God Almighty and the person offering forgiveness is released to freedom. You might feel, why are we sounding religious, yes we are of different beliefs or religions, but one thing is certain God created us and put us in the world we live in, having to deal with people with different character. It is only wise for us to live, according to the way He instructed us, knowing that forgiveness is a major aspect we are asked to practise.

    Moreover, another important fact to understand is that forgiveness releases a person from the role of being a victim. There is no way to hold an offender hostage in your mind because the only one being held captive is the one who is unwilling to offer forgiveness. He or she is kept there by his or her emotions.

    Furthermore, the common perception about forgiveness is that some people feel that a person must go to them personally and declare their forgiveness.

    Pronouncing our forgiveness to someone who has not first solicited it sometimes causes more problems than it solves. Therefore, forgiveness is a much more involved issue than just putting time between us and the event. It is actually a process that involves understanding our own forgiveness and how it applies to those people who have caused us pain.

    To be continued.

    Harriet Ogbobine is a counsellor and a motivational speaker. Send your questions and suggestions to her on bineharriet@gmail.com or text message only 08054682598. You can also follow her on twitter @bineharrietj, instagram-harrietogbobine, blog; liwh.com.ng

  • Forgive your enemies —APC chieftain

    As muslims all over the world celebrate Eid-el-Fitr, a chieftain of the All Progressives Congress (APC), Hon. Niyi Adeagbo, has urged people to embrace peace and forgive one another as done during the holy month of Ramadan.

    The security expert in his sallah statement made available in his Otu, Itesiwaju country home, said that it was by embracing peace that the society could be better off, adding that people should imbibe what they learned during the just concluded holy month of Ramadan.

    He said: “People should forgive each other and be united in a positive cause. By so doing, the much needed developmental projects would trickle in. We should continue to live in unity. Ramadan teaches patience, love, humility, forgiveness and unity.”

    He urged people to continue to support Governor Abiola Ajimobi in his quest to continue the developmental strides in all facets of life in the state.

  • ‘It took a while for me to forgive my mother’

    ‘It took a while for me to forgive my mother’

    Abiola Laseinde has had a productive career life having worked with some of the major corporate organisations in Africa. At present, the young mother of two boys serves as the legal manager for Cadbury West Africa. Inspite of her victories, it has not been a rosy ride for this lawyer. Raised by a single parent, she was forced to pay her way through school and fought to preserve her dignity while at it. Speaking with Rita Ohai, she shared some of her challenges and how she overcame them.

     

    Being a lady at the level of your career, what are some of the things you did to rise at such a fast pace?

    It starts with God in the sense that I had a pretty rough childhood. At a point in my life, I was left all alone. I had to look for a way to get sponsored through school because I wanted to go to school but my background was filled with challenges.

    My getting an education was funded partly by the community and the church. So very early in life I learnt that I had to be determined. Immediately I was able to get some succour for my education, I was ready to give it my best shot. I was qualified as a lawyer 13 years ago and since then it has been a climb for me because I did not lose my focus and determination to succeed.

    I also had this thing for excellence; wherever I had worked, I always wanted to do things to the best of my abilities. I do not believe in eye-service. I can be very impatient with lazy people because I am not one. I believe that your work should speak for you. I am a lover of helping people develop their capacity and that has helped me. I enter a team and quickly align with the objectives and priorities and I run with it.

    You said you were left alone at a young age, explain what that means?

    My parents were separated just before my 10th birthday and we had to leave with my mum. It was not easy for my mother to bring us up.

    At a point in time, while I was in the University, my mother told me that I would have to drop out of school to help her work as a caterer because she could not pay for the law school fees which was very expensive. I refused and that caused a lot of bad blood between both of us.

    At that time, she felt that maybe if I had taken a break to help her as a caterer, I may have saved enough money to continue with school later but I just felt that would be the same thing as terminating my destiny. So I had to work with my hands a lot to survive because I realised as a very young Christian at the time that any other means of getting money was not an option for me.

    I had a lot of temptations because by God’s grace, I am beautiful and I had offers of all sorts. I went to one of the most notorious schools in this country, Edo State University, which is right on the road to Abuja. So we always had all sorts of stop-over’s from Abuja which was rocking at the time. For me, that lifestyle was a no-go area.

    Could you share some of the things you did as a young woman to make money?

    Very early, I started trading. I could sell anything. I could sell ice to an Eskimo by the grace of God. I think my hands were just blessed. I would get the okirikas of this world, take them back to school and sell them at almost one thousand percent profit. Those were the clothes I was wearing back then. When I went home on holidays, I was always looking for some part-time job to work at. Whether it was as a receptionist, housemaid or anything, I did not mind the fact that I was an undergraduate because I wanted to go to school the clean way.

    What do you think are some of the challenges children from broken homes face?

    When parents are taking decisions to separate or divorce, they never ever think deeply about what the effect will be on the kids. All of a sudden, two people’s luggage becomes one person’s load. It’s as good as one of the parents just dying and it is not easy.

    For some reason, our parents are selfish in the sense that it took a while for me to really forgive my mother. I did not understand why she would tell a young child who was making straight A’s in school to drop out and come and work. I believed that she should have done everything humanly possible to keep me in school instead of throwing it back at me.

    Separation should not be an option if it is possibly to keep the family together. If it is possibly for the two fighting parties to just keep themselves alive, they should stay in the marriage for their children’s interest.

    The few times I had to tell my dad that he was not being responsible and that if only he knew that my life and my brother’s life were fertile grounds for them to sow on so that they could reap in future. But he just said I was talking nonsense because I was less than 10 years old then, but like my mum used to say, big words used to come out of my mouth.

    You talked about being able to blend in any team, how have you been able to handle the ‘office politics’ that comes with it?

    Initially, with my kind of heart, I was a bit naive to ‘office politics’ and I used to think that everybody had my kind of heart that always assumes positive intentions, but with time I got to learn that office politics is as real as the air we breathe.

    I tend to balance things out. If I am in an environment that has a lot of those issues, I try to just maintain a focus on objectives. I did a lot of study on emotional intelligence and how to manage people and their emotions.

    By the grace of God, I have gained some experience and I can handle any situation. Also, my childhood and all the struggles I have been through helped a lot. When I was back in school, many of my classmates used to think I was older than my age due to my dressing and carriage.

    As for dealing with the politics, you need to realise that it is always there. You do not go looking for it but you need to have a laid down strategy when it bounces in your face. You have to blend and learn how to carry people along and manage emotions. Some people have their own hidden agenda and you have to anticipate it positively.

    There’s widespread concern about the strength of character of the average youth. For you who chose not to compromise, what do you think is the problem with many of them?

    It would be difficult for me to imagine what my life would have turned out to be if I had a Blackberry or other kinds of phones. I did not even have the opportunity to own a social media platform or an e-mail address. Right now, they have so many things contending for their attention. There is so much decay in our society. If you ask a child what they want to become in future, they will say they want to become politicians because it is the easiest way to become rich. Whether they are boys or girls, that is all they want to be.

    Parents need to be more involved in their children’s lives now more than ever because of all the things competing for their attention. It starts with inculcating the right values form the home. I had church values which are the same thing as saying I had moral values. My family members would also tell me to make sure I did not go and get myself pregnant and all those things stuck.

    Knowing that you handle a huge amount of responsibilities at work, how do you pacify your husband so that he gives you time for your job?

    My husband is my mentor and friend. He believes in my development. If I am in the boardroom and I have a problem to solve, before I pick up a law book, I call him first and he will have something to say. He is a very wise man and I pick his brain a lot.

    I do a lot of travelling and he supports me tremendously. Anytime I go a trip, once I know my husband is at home, my heart is at peace. We have a very tight relationship and he is always proud of my achievements and I can rely on him one hundred percent.