Dancer and content creator, Frank Ileogben, also known as Frank Itom, has opened up about the challenging experience he faced due to his ex-girlfriend’s scrutiny of his sexuality.
He shared that the ordeal led him to struggle with self-doubt, paranoia, and ultimately, seek therapy.
Itom revealed that his ex-girlfriend frequently questioned his sexuality, pointing to his friendships with men she assumed were gay.
According to him, her persistent suggestions and comments undermined his confidence, causing him to withdraw from his social circle.
In a chat with Chude Jideonwo, Itom explained that his desperation for clarity and self-acceptance led him to therapy.
He stated that with the guidance of a therapist, he confronted his conflicted self-image and reconciled his sexuality.
He noted that he realised that his ex-girlfriend’s opinions did not define his identity.
Itom said that through therapy, he gained a new perspective, emerging stronger and more self-assured.
“I was in therapy in 2020. Yes. I think what drove me to therapy was my conflicted self-image. I was not sure who I was at the time because somebody who I was with, we were dating at the time,” he said.
“She had made several suggestions about my person that I was not comfortable with. I think it first started with questions like ‘I know you are friends with this guy, why are you friends?’ I would respond and say he is a great guy.
“And we would just brush over the conversation. And then she would say ‘You know that they said this guy is gay’? I would ask what are you driving at? And one time, she will start to suggest that ‘you know if there is anything you can tell me’.
“There were times that I have had situations with my friends, guy friends who had said that guys had hit them up and I would just laugh about these things. And coming to an age where some guys were already trying to come to the DM and all of those things. I just thought ‘Man go toast me, woman go toast me’, I hot. She made several of those types of comments and suggestions to say that I could open up to her.
“At some point, I began to hear voices in my head myself that come to think about it things like going out with guys or how many guys you have slept with do not excite me. Even my guys who are talking about women I did not make friends with them. Because I thought what she was talking about. Everything does not make sense to me.
“At that period, I was battling these thoughts of why is it that they asked my friends and they do not have an opinion about the sexiest guys on earth. I thought that is how men who straight behave… so I started to try to be a man so that I do not live up to that image of you thinking that I am gay or something, that I am not… one time, I just realized that yeah I was not confident anymore. So I went to therapy. I was slowly withdrawing from everything that I knew at the time.
“This thing happened in January 2020. By April, I was okay as it were. Broke down like maybe August or September of that same year. My therapists asked me that question and I said it had nothing to do with being queer is bad.
“So, therapy helped me. He was from the company I was working with before. So they had been coming to talk to us about therapy and why it was important at the time. I thought let me give it a time. It worked. I think it was like the third session and like I am good. And reality, I put it to the past.”
