The Nation Newspaper

Tag: Frustration

  • OPS expresses frustration over high interest rate in 2017

    The Organised Private Sector (OPS) in the country has expressed frustration over the high interest rate regime, which persisted last year.

    In its review of the outgone year, Manufacturers Association of Nigeria (MAN); Nigeria Employers Consultative Association (NECA) and Nigerian Association of Chambers of Commerce, Industry, Mines and Agriculture (NACCIMA) noted that  their vigorous  advocacy for single digit interest rate regime in Nigeria, specifically five per cent,  went  unheeded, and unfulfilled by the monetary policy.

    According to the various OPS organisations, whereas in Nigeria interest rate hovers between 25-30 per cent, excluding other ancillary charges. In other parts of the world their interest rates hover from 0 to 10 per cent. For instance in Kenya it is 10 per cent, South Africa seven per cent, China 4.35 per cent and, U.S.A 0.75 per cent. Others are United Kingdom 0.25 per cent, France 0.00 per cent, India 6.25 percent and Brazil 13 per cent.

    In addition they said Mexico is 5.75 per cent, while Indonesia is 4.75 percent, Ghana 25.5 per cent and Ethiopia five per cent,  urging the government to address the disparity to stimulate the growth of the sector.

  • Turning frustration into opportunity

    SIR: The adage that “tough times do not last, tough people do” is fast becoming the experience of Nigeria in its fight against recession. It is also relevant to confirm the saying that “God is a Nigerian” in the sense that the speed at which the nation is coming out of recession remains unprecedented, indicating that the hand of the Almighty is on the country.

    On assumption, President Buhari’s first action aimed at attacking recession was to insist that Nigeria and Nigerians produce what they consume and consume what is produced locally. This position formed the philosophical base of the federal government’s diversification policy.

    Between 2015 and 2017, Nigeria witnessed the establishments of its largest rice processing mill, the second largest single line petroleum refinery, second largest urea fertilizer plant and the second largest chemical complex.

    With the establishment of the largest cement producing complex in Africa, foreign investors are encouraged to buy stakes from Dangote cement. So far, private investors have subscribed to about 2.1 per cent stake in the company which amounts to about $236 million. This is an indication that the confidence of foreign investors in the Nigerian economy is on the path of growth.

    Furthermore, with the Olam group investing $150 million in the establishment of the largest poultry farm coupled with an integrated feed mill in sub-Saharan Africa in Kaduna as well as another $120 million investment in Vicampro potato farm that has the prospect of generating 30,000 jobs, all is now set for Nigeria to record a quantum leap in its economic growth.

    Another proof of investors’ confidence manifested when a company with French parentage, Lafarge Nigeria, the second largest cement producing factory in Nigeria, converted the loan it granted the local arm of the company into equity. This is also an indication that foreign investors are no longer in a hurry to leave Nigeria.

    Economic recovery also is on upward movement with the Manufacturing Purchasing Managers’ Index (PMI) standing at 54.1 per cent. This means that Nigeria recorded expansion in production. On the other hand, there is a strong indication of growth in the Nigerian Stock Exchange (NSE) and the Financial Markets Dealers Quotations (FMDQ).

    The simple deduction from these activities is that the nation is exiting from economic recession while at the same time growing rapidly. The recession has proved that the never-say-die-attitude of Nigerians to challenges should be The feat achieved so far proves that it takes a disciplined government to take Nigeria out of a mono economy and conquer the world through economic diversification.

    To further improve the current achievements, the government can do more by creating business clusters, mechanic workshops and industrial estates in order to deepen the expansion of the productive sector. By the time the expansion of the productive sector has been deepened, Nigeria will once again prove to the world that converting a frustrating condition into an opportunity is its stock in trade.

     

    • Kunle Somoye,

    Abuja.

  • Taming your anger, frustration and aggression (4)

    What is the end product of anger?  Happiness comes upon us when our legitimate and valued desire becomes reality. Unhappiness results when our legitimate or illegitimate but valued desires are frustrated.  Therefore, when our desire is defeated, regardless of how many times we may try, it results in frustration. Despite concerted efforts to overcome the frustration, if the valued desire fails, it results in unhappiness.  It should, therefore, be noted that the end result of anger is unhappiness, whatever the cause of it.

    Anger becomes a problem and pathological either on a single occasion or in multiple times when anger is accompanied by hostility and or any form of destruction or aggression (violence, war, beatings, destruction of property etc). In short, anger becomes pathological if the verbal and physical expression of the angry person now causes psychological or physical harm. Ironically, this harm may be self-harm or harm to other individuals. It may also be physical harm to properties that belong to other persons. This is called uncontrollable anger. This should not be confused with defensive and legitimate anger which may also be in some ways similar to, but different from, pathological anger.  The latter type may be in response to a seriously threatening situation. If such a threat is not removed, it may cause greater damage. This is the main basis that most people will give good reason for their anger.

    They will say they are under threat and so they act in self defence. It is the same reason that nations justify their angry war reactions.

    In case of our personal relationship situations, it is the same reason that spouses and partners give for their reactions in domestic affairs: self-defence, which in most cases, is not even recognised in law.

    The bad news for the spouses is that such reactions often appear tenuous to the police and the law courts.

    Scientists have said that uncontrollable anger can be due to genetics and a person’s environment and so forth. These are not the issues here. The issues are that there is a connection between anger and your relationship to others.

    You cannot get angry except when human beings or inanimate object defeat your intention. It is that simple.

    The problem is that most people do not know how to constructively overcome their mental, human and non-living obstacles, and that is what causes frustration and anger.

    The chains of how anger develops are:  “A feeling of displeasure”. This means,  not being pleased. The question then arises as: “Displeasure with (or about) what?” The answer is displeased with frustrated intention and desires.  The result of this displeasure is a “belligerence” which means first unhappiness then hate follows, leading to violence and hostility, and many other features, and finally, if unresolved, the unhappiness continues.

    These outward behaviours of belligerence are in fact due to a “wrong” which is the intention that was defeated. What is a wrong then?

    A wrong arises when a given intention established by, say, Mrs B, the person causing the “wrong”, negatively influences or frustrates the desire and intention of another person, Mr B. The next thing is that Mr B will react in an angry manner to Mrs B. The event could then take a different life of its own from that point onward. Police could be involved. The couple, or one of them, may end up in hospital. This is exactly what happens in some spousal relationships.

     

    Another example:

    If Mr. X behaves such that his behaviour does not allow the intention of another person called Mr. B to be established, then Mr. B will be frustrated because of this. Then Mr B will get angry at Mr. X. Let us take a practical example: You are driving on a road, in a hurry to catch an important meeting.

    Then suddenly, another car, driven by Ms S, crosses your path so that you cannot move or be on time for your meeting. Your desire and intention has been curtailed and frustrated.

    You get out of the car and react in some way to and against Ms S. But you know that, usually, such behaviour is not accepted in normal human relationships or in society, or even under God’s laws.

    Now what has happened is that you are angry at Ms S for the frustration of your desire and intention.

    This is the “wrong” that you are reacting to. Your reaction is called “belligerence” against a given wrong.

    And your reaction is called anger. It’s pathological if you cause harm.

    Another example: assuming that you asked your 13 year old daughter not to go out at night and told her that she should do her homework.

    She refused to listen. Either you reacted or did not, and it caused some resentment in you and you are angry. Equally, because your daughter’s intention is also frustrated, she is angry against you too.

    Similarly, if you intended, regardless of your age, that you

    (a) should not fall ill but you did, or (b) that your family or parents should not divorce, or (c) that none of your parents should die and they did, you will become unhappy and angry with any of these situations.

  • Taming your anger, frustration and aggression (4)

    In marriage, you are expecting (“expect” means a manifestation that follows desire and intention) to have a happy marriage and that your spouse should behave in a certain way. If this expectation is defeated by any of the means stated above (see last week), you will become deeply unhappy and angry. One can also be angry against the government for “failing to meet certain expectations”. In a similar manner, many people are “angry” against God for apparently “failing” to do certain things for them. Some are even angry that God did not provide their ideal spouse for them. The thing to remember is God is not the decision maker here. You are. You saw your spouse and/or partner and decided that he or she is the person you want to be with. You are in charge here.

    Who can be angry or frustrated? Anger can occur in anyone (note also that dogs, sheep, hippos etc, could all display anger when frustrated!) who is capable of forming a desire or intention. This includes children and teens who sometimes desire their own way in order to change society. They can become angry if they don’t achieve this. This is the reason for the rebellion in them when they are frustrated. Other people who can be angry are married couples, in-laws or anyone in any form of relationship-formal, informal, private, public, sexual, non-sexual, business etc. The root and dynamics of frustration is the same. The bottom line: disappointment leads to anger. Anger leads to destruction and aggression.

    Nevertheless, the angriest person is a person who is so unwise that he or she knows very little about what he or she ought to do, legally or morally, to bring about happiness without causing offence (harm), verbal or physical. Such a person will be very frustrated indeed, as well as very angry. Anger, you remember, is a sign of discontent.

     

    Manifestations of Anger and Frustration

    With these explanations, one can come to a profound conclusion that anger is the clearest manifestation of a frustrated intention. As I have said in the book, The Road and the Key to Happiness, a frustrated or defeated intention leads to unhappiness. Also, an intention, good or bad, that goes unhindered, gives happiness. And like depression, anxiety, bullying, threats, vengeance, selfishness, blaming, unpredictable behaviour and evasive action, they are all signs of unhappiness. Anger is one of the octopus-like manifestations of sadness.

     

    How do you prevent anger?

    The most important prevention tool is wisdom. You must have strategic foresight to forestall any attempt to disappoint your intentions. It is that simple.

     

    What fuels and influences anger?

    Decision making processes are and should remain under our conscious control. The decision making process is central to happiness. Anger is also subject to decision making processes. However, except for when this process is removed from the individual, such as when one is under the rule of certain laws, as in military orders for example, or during, say, anaesthesia, the decision process is subject to our control.

    Thus, drugs, illicit substances, alcohol and outside emotions such as humiliation by anyone either in public or private, may fuel anger. Ironically, if anger cannot be controlled voluntarily, medication may be called for to subdue the hostility, but not the failed intentions. The main issue here is that drugs (cannabis, cocaine, alcohol etc) can fuel anger, even to criminal levels. Once again, I am conscious of the fact that all divorces or family conflicts cannot be blamed on drugs or alcohol misuse. There are also people who may simply have other reasons for being angry. However, the influence of substances on human behaviour and criminality has been proven beyond reasonable doubt.

     

    Anger management

    Whilst it is important to prevent an event before it causes harm, what happens if the event has taken root? The short and long answers to this question are that anger must, in one way or another, be subdued or resolved/expressed. There is no running away from it, anger, to make it go away; it must be resolved.  One way is to deal with the root of the problem. Other means include, counselling (see later) which operates through the power of expressed words, as explained in my other book: The Secret and Supremacy of the Expressed Word. Another means of dealing with anger is forgiveness; if this method has not already taken place then it should be advocated. I cannot see any other means by which irretrievable wrong can be resolved other than by means of forgiveness. Amongst many, other means include honest tolerance, listening, poetry, music and writing—all are forms of expressions of intentions. In general, all forms of anger must be expressed, one way or the other, in keeping with the principles in the book, The Secret and Supremacy of the Expressed Word.

    The outcome of anger: Except when you deal with or express the anger or obtain the result of the original desire that was frustrated, anger, if it was either subdued or not, will lead to offence. The first offence that anger will lead to is hate.  Secondly, hate will lead to offences against humans or man-made law. Hate or malice can lead to threats, conspiracy, and destruction of properties, self-harm, suicide, and homicide. At least, hate can cause the pulling out and use of the most severe weapon of all: bad words. Try it, make your spouse annoyed, and then experience the power in words as a result! I hope those in relationships are paying attention. Does this sound familiar? You are not alone after all. In most cases, anyone who actually commits any of these offences listed in the preceding paragraph, is likely to either end up in the hands of the police, get harmed (self harm or being harmed via others), killed or disgraced and be disregarded. If there are children in the vicinity, children may learn and be induced into a vicious cycle which may become established later in life.

    If any of these do not occur, hate and anger can lead to a diagnosis of poor mental health, even though the person may not be dangerously unwell, as in what we call personality disorders. However, this will depend on the culture, the law and the society in which such angry individuals reside. The outcome may include admission to a mental health hospital directly or through the prison system. The label following the diagnosis of mental health disorders is clear for everyone, with eyes, to see.

  • Taming your anger, frustration and aggression (4)

    What is the end product of anger?  Happiness comes upon us when our legitimate and valued desire becomes reality. Unhappiness results when our legitimate or illegitimate but valued desires are frustrated.  Therefore, when our desire is defeated, regardless of how many times we may try, it results in frustration. Despite concerted efforts to overcome the frustration, if the valued desire fails, it results in unhappiness.  It should, therefore, be noted that the end result of anger is unhappiness, whatever the cause of it.

    Anger becomes a problem and pathological either on a single occasion or in multiple times when anger is accompanied by hostility and or any form of destruction or aggression (violence, war, beatings, destruction of property etc). In short, anger becomes pathological if the verbal and physical expression of the angry person now causes psychological or physical harm. Ironically, this harm may be self-harm or harm to other individuals. It may also be physical harm to properties that belong to other persons. This is called uncontrollable anger. This should not be confused with defensive and legitimate anger which may also be in some ways similar to, but different from, pathological anger.  The latter type may be in response to a seriously threatening situation. If such a threat is not removed, it may cause greater damage. This is the main basis that most people will give good reason for their anger.

    They will say they are under threat and so they act in self defence. It is the same reason that nations justify their angry war reactions. In case of our personal relationship situations, it is the same reason that spouses and partners give for their reactions in domestic affairs: self-defence, which in most cases, is not even recognised in law.

    The bad news for the spouses is that such reactions often appear tenuous to the police and the law courts.

    Scientists have said that uncontrollable anger can be due to genetics and a person’s environment and so forth. These are not the issues here. The issues are that there is a connection between anger and your relationship to others.

    You cannot get angry except when human beings or inanimate object defeat your intention. It is that simple.

    The problem is that most people do not know how to constructively overcome their mental, human and non-living obstacles, and that is what causes frustration and anger.

    The chains of how anger develops are:  “A feeling of displeasure”. This means,  not being pleased. The question then arises as: “Displeasure with (or about) what?” The answer is displeased with frustrated intention and desires.  The result of this displeasure is a “belligerence” which means first unhappiness then hate follows, leading to violence and hostility, and many other features, and finally, if unresolved, the unhappiness continues.

    These outward behaviours of belligerence are in fact due to a “wrong” which is the intention that was defeated. What is a wrong then?

    A wrong arises when a given intention established by, say, Mrs B, the person causing the “wrong”, negatively influences or frustrates the desire and intention of another person, Mr B. The next thing is that Mr B will react in an angry manner to Mrs B. The event could then take a different life of its own from that point onward. Police could be involved. The couple, or one of them, may end up in hospital. This is exactly what happens in some spousal relationships.

     

    Another example:

    If Mr. X behaves such that his behaviour does not allow the intention of another person called Mr. B to be established, then Mr. B will be frustrated because of this. Then Mr B will get angry at Mr. X. Let us take a practical example: You are driving on a road, in a hurry to catch an important meeting.

    Then suddenly, another car, driven by Ms S, crosses your path so that you cannot move or be on time for your meeting. Your desire and intention has been curtailed and frustrated.

    You get out of the car and react in some way to and against Ms S. But you know that, usually, such behaviour is not accepted in normal human relationships or in society, or even under God’s laws.

    Now what has happened is that you are angry at Ms S for the frustration of your desire and intention.

    This is the “wrong” that you are reacting to. Your reaction is called “belligerence” against a given wrong. And your reaction is called anger. It’s pathological if you cause harm.

    Another example: assuming that you asked your 13 year old daughter not to go out at night and told her that she should do her homework.

    She refused to listen. Either you reacted or did not, and it caused some resentment in you and you are angry. Equally, because your daughter’s intention is also frustrated, she is angry against you too.

    Similarly, if you intended, regardless of your age, that you

    (a) should not fall ill but you did, or (b) that your family or parents should not divorce, or (c) that none of your parents should die and they did, you will become unhappy and angry with any of these situations.

  • Taming your anger, frustration and aggression (3)

    Take another example: You just came back from work and you intended to have a short sleep–a kind of rest. You lay in your bed at about 6pm on a hot day. The teenage boys in your neighbourhood would not allow you to rest. They were screaming and running whilst playing football.  Unable to sleep, you got up and called their attention to the fact they were disturbing you. They did not heed your request. You failed and they continued. You went back to bed. The noise became louder and louder. At last, the football was kicked violently. It broke through your windows and it landed on your belly in your bedroom with some of the broken window glass. You were enraged. Not only that, your intention had been frustrated miserably. Your sleep and peace were badly shattered. Your expectation to be in relative calm within the walls of your own home was terribly disturbed. You got angry.

    These kind of scenarios call on the individual (or couple, society, state, company or even nation) to take protective action to preserve the person from irrational response. This type of irritation, on a larger scale, calls on a nation, as the case may be, to refrain from violently reacting to the frustrated intention. On the other hand, the person who is angry may take measures to protect himself/herself, or take measures to ensure that his or her desire and intention are realised.  That is a biological reaction towards self-preservation. You simply take action to reduce your dissatisfaction.

    Frustrated intention or defeated desire is of the same kind of feeling to having a sense of rejection. You want something you could not get because “you were not good enough” for some individuals or “authority” that had blocked you. It represents a failure of desire and this is why it is so painful to the person concerned, who is now angry. Often, the individual feels threatened. This is because his/her desire to enjoy life or derive certain benefits from the desire has been despondently defeated or thwarted.

    In the majority of occasions and probably in the majority of people, anger passes without further action/manifestation on the part of the irate person. He may just take the disappointment in his stride, so to speak. An example of this is seen in many homes and in public places.  It is also seen in many marriages and other relationships regardless of their form. Your spouse could annoy you tens of times in a day. Yet, you cannot afford to be angry on all those occasions. You will have to allow a lot of them to pass. If you don’t, you run the risk of mental illness or being labelled as such.  Anger is seen amongst bosses in many businesses and it passes without destructive impact, in most cases. Imagine if your boss at work reacts angrily to all forms of dissatisfaction that his subordinates bring to him! Who on earth would be able to work with such a boss?

    People don’t react to every situation they are displeased about. They simply allow the feeling to pass. This is a type of anger that is called controlled anger. It is a protective and normal biological anger. Such a person (or people) is often not under serious threat and so may not react to remove the threat. Even if they do, they have a credible way out of it.  If they are under serious threat, there would be a strategic way to overcome the frustration. Picture a situation in which you left the bathroom tap in your office on, and water from it filled your office, destroying confidential and security papers in the process. Just consider how irate the boss will be, yet he cannot afford to be seen to be manically angry. That is biological anger.

    Common causes of anger and frustration: Specifically, anger can arise from just about anything, including but not exclusive to financial issues, children matters, career, sexual frustration, failure in investment and property, general life concerns, health-related issues, general sense of inadequacy or persistent failures, persistent domestic opposition from spouses or lack of support from supposed loved ones (parents, spouses etc).  The list goes on and on. A person who is readily coming into conflict with the law may be an angry person too, as his intended desire is frequently blocked by the law. These felons become hardened against the law and work hard against it in a way that is best described as a hard rock meeting an irresistible object. In the end though, in most cases, the law wins.

    A death or disease in the family or the death of a friend may lead to anger in those who are bereaved, by reason of the loss for which they could not do a thing about.  Therefore in general, any intention or expectation about anything that fails may lead to anger. In the public domain, anger may come due to perceived political problems. It may be due to a dislike for a government course of action or government economic policies. Some people just don’t like the treatment they receive in life. They loathe life as a result. As we shall see later, hate is a result of anger. Some come to loathe the world and living—for its challenges. Some hate the world and they just can’t figure out why there are so many difficulties and apparent anarchy in the world.  Clinically, sleep deprivation and poor quality of sleep can also cause a person to be angry because the intention to have good sleep is frustrated.  Remember, anger is always due to frustration: a failed intention.

  • Taming your anger, frustration and aggression (2)

    In today’s discussion, we shall take a look at causes of anger. A person gets angry because of a defeated desire (such as failed life ambitions, failed marriage, childlessness, poverty, accident, death and so forth) and the resentment that follows it, linger gingerly unresolved.

    In other words, failure or frustration in any form may lead to anger.  Therefore for example, if we can understand this and deal with the roots and causes of failures, then we can deal with relationships that may be undergoing stress and strain. As we go along, I shall deal with what leads to this devastating feeling of anger.

    However, I want you to remember that what you see, hear, smell, touch and do is sometimes, not necessarily always, within your ability to determine its effects and outcome. On other occasions, you may be helpless. Let us say your country is going to war. You are angry at that idea, but you are not in position to influence the decision to go to war. What then is the purpose of your anger? It’s fruitless after all. Here are some similar situations.

    In marriage, spouses could show their anger or keep mute and hope things get better. In cohabitation, and other friendships, the same rules apply.

    Individuals may become selectively mute in the face of irritation.  In a business environment and because of the need to maintain decency and to earn a living, anger is often subdued, even if you loathe to death what the boss or client has done.

    It may well be that you just don’t like the job or the job environment. What if the law of your country constrains you from taking action against your teenage daughter whose conduct is an embarrassment to you? In such scenarios as above, fury crawls underneath but it is kept in check—for if you act out, you might become aggressive which may cause you embarrassment.

    Therefore, before you act on your frustration, you may need to carefully weigh up the potential losses against the potential gains. It’s your choice but it’s also a delicate world out there. With all this background now well in place, let us consider the anatomy of rage.

    What is anger?

    According to experts, anger is a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong.  Mark it—a wrong. For me, this is a complicated definition but I will try my possible best to bring it to our understanding.

    This explanation gives us the scope to explore what anger means and how we can deal with it. This piece of writing will depart from a lot of official or formal records about anger but will also make use of known facts about anger and its management. For a moment put aside all that you have ever known about anger for I want to safely lead you into the true nature of resentment.

    Forget, for a minute or two, all the complex theories and convoluted structure that you have been told generated anger. Try me, put these words of mine in these series to practical test and see if you will get any result or not. The reason is to avoid complicated psychological and biological arguments which, as it may turn out, may not be helpful to the readers.

    With this in mind, let us look at the root of anger in general, putting the above definition into focus.

    Causes of Anger and Frustration: The root and science of anger/frustration Biological and Protective Anger (controlled or channelled anger):

    Without doubt, anger is a normal biological reaction to an unfavourable situation. You get angry perhaps simply because something did not go your way or go the way you wanted it to. Very simple, isn’t it? It is unfavourable, because it threatens your survival, pleasure or peace.

    For example, let us imagine that you are trying to work on your computer. Let us assume that you have tried a couple of times. On each trial, it freezes. You are in a hurry. You have to restart all over again on each occasion. You have limited time.

    You are starting to be anxious.  Then you began to call the software companies all sorts of names and you direct your feelings of frustration and disappointment against the computer box in front of you. The computer is not responding despite your lack of progress. This condition is unfavourable to your desire. You get annoyed.

  • Taming your anger, frustration and aggression (1)

    The article was culled from my book: Relationship: What You Should Know and Do. It is being published with some minimal editing.

     

    In the last few weeks we had dealt with issue of abuse in its various forms. In many circumstances, at the underbelly of abusive behaviour of an individual lies frustration and anger which if unresoved peacefully may result into aggresive and abusive behavior against other persons. In this article, we will take a look at anger in general and in subsequent weeks, we will examine anger and frustrations in more detail.

    You only need to look around our neighbourhoods, drive on our roads, use public transports, get engaged buying and purchasing a good in a market from a woman or man or live with other fellow human beings to gauge the depth of deep-seated anger in individuals on one hand and the larger society on the other. Everyone is angry over one thing or the other. However, as the saying goes, there is no smoke without fire. There is no anger without frustration and there is no aggression without anger.

    While there are various and manifold reasons that generate anger and frustrations, there is no denying the fact that anger, frustration and aggressive behaviours are a common sight in our society: in schools, in religious places of worship, in healthcare settings, in the farm, in polity, on the road and indeed everywhere. Young people and old, women and men seem to be getting angry and aggressive on what may look like innocent issue.

    There is a relationship side to anger occurring. No matter what, the relationship may be short, or it may be long. The association may be near or in far flung distance from the person who is being annoyed. Interestingly, you may also be angry against a non-living object. One may be angry against one’s car if the car let the owner down.

    I have been asked if anger is in itself a crime. No, anger on its own is not a crime. Controlled anger, like all intentions without actions, is not a crime. It’s the action from being angry that may be a crime. Such actions may endanger the life and property of others.

    Much has been made, especially in modern times, of anger and its management. Many books have been written about it. There are also complicated attempts to explain the foundation of fury in biological terms. Celebrities of various shades colours, sizes and geographic locations, in both platonic, employment and/or intimate relationships, have been convicted in courts of law in the everywhere in the world because of destructive consequences of anger. They have been reprimanded for consequences of their anger and as such have been sent for anger management or in some cases given severe punishment, including community service as well as imprisonment.

    Those are the lucky ones. Has the reader not heard of rage at home leading to murders, rage leading to the public destruction of property, or anger leading to wars? For your information, there is no deliberate war, no intentional destruction of humans and property, no deliberate killing, no premeditated harm that ever occurs without anger underlying it.  Anger is the root of all non-purposeful destruction.

    Anger can be demonstrably verbal (words), or by physical acts, or by, can you believe it, silence. Anger can be subdued. In such a case,  it is very hard to immediately know the true feelings of individuals who, apparently without you realising it, are annoyed with you.

    Anger occurs in the low and the high, to the rich and the poor, to the old and the young.

    If you are angry, it means you want something that, in some way, may satisfy your desire. Otherwise, if you have anger with another person whom you cannot reach nor be influenced by, then it is futile to be angry. Imagine being angry with the country’s President while he is not even aware of it as you reside in a little village house in one remote part of the country.

    You may just be able to ruminate while you cannot do anything concrete about it.  To be able to influence someone for good or ill means you have to be in a relationship with the person, or be about to have a relationship with the person, no matter how short that relationship is. The person must be receptive to your views, questions and opinions, or at least be willing to learn about the cause of your anger. This is as true in intimate relationships as it is in platonic ones. It is a matter of fact in business associations or in mere friendships.

    Yet, at the core of all relationships which come to an end, there is either an unresolved anger which is pretentiously subdued, or anger may be acted out as in domestic violence (DV).

  • Ambode’s frustration over Airport road

    Ambode’s frustration over Airport road

    I read with consternation the frustration expressed by Lagos State Governor, Akinwunmi Ambode over the non-cooperation by the Federal Ministry of Works and Housing concerning the fixing of the International Airport road.

    Ambode is very disturbed about the dilapidated state of the Oshodi-Airport road, which he described as an eyesore and an embarrassment to the whole nation as the road leads to the Murtala Muhammed International Airport. Despite the fact that Lagos state government is ready to fix the road. The Federal Ministry of Works under the leadership of immediate past Governor of Lagos State, Babatunde Raji Fashola appears not be forthcoming in terms of granting the required approval for the Lagos State government to embark on reconstruction of the road.

    This is where I am saddened and began to flash back to similar needless muscle flexing and power show between some Ministers and State Governors, especially if they are of different political parties. It is therefore absurd and unfortunate if Ambode’s allegation that Fashola is deliberately withholding approval is true. Fashola was the immediate past Governor of the state and a member of the same APC Federal government which is also the ruling party in Lagos state and who knew the bad state of the Apapa-Airport road and who also experienced frustrations from a PDP led Federal Government over such projects.

    It will therefore be a puzzle for any discerning observer why Fashola should deliberately frustrate Ambode from developing a state where he was once Governor and also did his best in terms of infrastructure. The allegation of Ambode against Fashola’s attitude is very weighty and going by how Ambode presented the facts, many may be tempted to agree that Fashola may actually be blocking Ambode’s opportunity to excel. There is no reason why Fashola should waste any time in granting the required approval for the Lagos State Government to embark on the construction of the all important Oshodi-Airport Road.

    Ambode announced the readiness of the state government to immediately embark on the reconstruction of the road which has been redesigned to accommodate 10 lanes to come from Oshodi to the International Airport with interchange and flyover that would drop you towards the Local Airport. The Governor also announced that the state government is ready with the funds to execute this, immediately approval is granted by the Federal Ministry of Works. So the question now is, what is delaying this much needed approval?

    Ambode could not have expressed his frustrations openly without exhausting all avenues to get the approval from Fashola’s Ministry. Now that we have heard Fashola’s side of the story, one is tempted to believe that there may be some reasons other than bureaucratic bottlenecks considering the not too cordial relationship between Fashola and his successor in the early months of the Ambode administration, which was mainly caused by the disclosure of the huge debt left behind by Fashola. The only thing that would soothe the nerves of Lagosians is for the minister to handover the all important road for the Lagos State government to repair.

    Any attempt to play politics with a road that needs an urgent attention as the statement from the minister seems to imply, might affect the ordinary Lagosian, who will benefit from the road and the positive impact on the economy of Lagos state as it will save a lot of man hour lost to traffic gridlock on that road. Also given the fact that the road is a major entry point to Nigeria from the Murtala Mohammed International Airport, the federal government should have gladly be receptive to the offer of the Lagos State government to do it and finish in six months.

    If the allegation is true, Fashola must rise above pettiness and be a statesman that he is supposed to be by immediately putting the interest of the people of the state above any personal animosity he may be harbouring against his successor. With the open expression of frustration by Ambode, there is no way many will not believe Fashola’s action is deliberate considering the fact that such scenario had happened before in Lagos when another Lagosian,  Senator Adeseye Ogunlewe who defected from the Alliance for Democracy (AD) to the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) and became  Minister for Works (2003-2006), was engaged in a power show with then Governor Bola Tinubu over operations of Lagos State Transport Management Agency (LASTMA) officials whom he banned from operating on Federal roads in the Lagos metropolis and quickly assembled his own Federal Road Maintenance Agency (FERMA) operatives.

    The power show ended in chaos as there were frequent clashes between Ogunlewe’s FERMA officials and Tinubu’s LASTMA officials, not to mention other opportunities the state was denied in the Federal Ministry of Works.  It was Lagosians who bore the brunt of the unnecessary show of Federal might and I don’t think we need such scenario any more in Lagos. Despite the fact that the Federal government is owing Lagos State a whopping N51 billion refund on federal roads rehabilitated by the state government, the governor said the federal government should release the N2Billion appropriated for the Oshodi-Airport road in the 2017 budget, for the state government to embark on the reconstruction of the road. This is not fair!

    Ambode also expressed frustration that six months after President Muhammadu Buhari approved the handover of the Presidential Lodge, Marina, the State Government was yet to gain access into the premises. This is also wrong and may send wrong signals out there that Fashola is on vendetta mission because the release of the Presidential Lodge also falls under his Ministry. Why has the key to the Presidential lodge not been handed over to the governor? And why are those involved making very difficult for presidential directive to be honoured? these are germane questions that should bother more than casual observers.

    Every Lagosian would want Governor Ambode to be encouraged to continue with the current pace of work in the areas of infrastructure and security which has made Lagos state a yardstick of governance for other states in the country. Many people marvelled at the regeneration of Ojodu Berger which is a beauty to behold, Abule-Egba Flyover Project and also the Aboru/Abesan Link Road and Bridge Project. These projects are repositioning Lagos to measure up to its status as an emerging mega-city.

    The only way the minister can show his sincerity is by granting the long overdue approval to the state government to immediately embark on the reconstruction of the Oshodi-Airport road, which he said he will complete in six months and also ensure the release of the N2 bilion earmarked for the project.

    Fashola should also obey the presidential directive on the Presidential Lodge by ensuring that access to the building is guaranteed. Anything short of this in the next few days will confirm Governor Ambode’s allegation of vendetta and the insinuation in many quarters that Fashola does not want Ambode to outshine him in performance. This will be so unfortunate and people would easily see him as being petty, mean and sadistic.

    • Gbadegesin wrote from Apapa, Lagos.

     

  • Revealed! The True Confession Of A Frustrated Lagos Working Class Wife – “I Cheated but Saved My Marriage”.

    Revealed! The True Confession Of A Frustrated Lagos Working Class Wife – “I Cheated but Saved My Marriage”.

    My name is Modupe, I have been married for 10 years. I’m 35 and my husband is 10 years older than I.  When we met one of the things my husband loved about me was my high sex drive which was all good for the first couple years of our marriage, We would have sex 3-4 times a week. Sex with him started to slow down after 3 years or so nothing drastic but not as frequent as it was early on, and our sex life began to suffer.

    He got promoted and was at work a lot. He would come home late, plop on the couch and fall asleep there most nights. I would end up with self-pleasure a lot of times.

     I resulted to the use of sex toys but I was dying inside of me, I needed something more but the man I was married to, though we live together he’s far away from me than ever.

    Sex became a once in a blue moon exercise and even when it happens it doesn’t last more than 1 – 3 minutes. I was not only starved of love but of sex as well.

    After awhile I started to look at porn now and then when I was feeling especially horny. Eventually that led me to chatting, sexting, sharing nude pix of myself to strangers.

    The thought of these men jerking off because of me was a thrill I have been missing really since I got married.

    So I found myself complaining a lot about my husband at work. Not necessarily about sex, but I have mentioned it before – lack of love. We fights over stupid things. We get along pretty good but when we fight, we really fight. I had befriended a well built, tall black man named Danny.

    We have lunch together and we even work near each other on the Island. Well one night after work, we were walking to our cars. He told me to have a good night. I said, “Yeah right. I will end up using a toy again tonight.” He said, “If you were my girl, you wouldn’t need those.” We flirt quite a bit. I said, “Oh yeah? What would you do?” He said, “Wine you, Dine you then make you scream.” I said, “Too bad you can’t prove it?” He said, “Cause you’re married?” I said, “Cause you’re not man enough.” He said, “You know where I live. Come on over and we will see.”

    I didn’t give it a second thought. I followed him to his house. He did exactly what he said. Opened a good bottle of red wine, made me jollof rice, then took me to bed.

    It had been far too long since I had been properly made love to. Afterwards he said, “So?” I said, “So what?” He said, “Was it good?” I said, “I haven’t been fucked like that since college.” He said, “Was this a one time deal? Be honest.” I said, “Probably not.”

    We have had a weekly thing for about 6 months now, I would invite him over on certain weekends, we would meet up at his place on other days. No more fighting with my husband. Guess it was sexual frustration.

    Please don’t blame me at all as my body is not a stone.

    The first day I and Danny made love, it stirred a wild passion in me and I could not get enough of him. One faithful day after making fun I used woman seduction to know what he is using to satisfied me for 40 minutes with his big rod because I won’t lie to you I always scream ‘is enough, please am satisfied’ but this guy rod doesn’t get tired. Click To See His Secret Here.

    I know I’m a horrible person/wife and I know alot of you will say I should leave my husband if this is what I want to do but I do honestly love him very much and our kids and the life I have with him.

    If sex were good between us I’d like to think I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing. And yes I’ve talked many times to my husband about needing/wanting more sex with him and it’s good for a few days or a week then it’s back to the way it was.

    Thank God Danny revealed his secret to me and I quickly try to find Danny’s big rod and 40 minutes performance secret. Immediately I got it, I dropped Danny because I still love my husband and I believe that he can do better too with this secret. Click Here For the secret.

    I have to look for a way to present this to my husband and it was around our wedding anniversary, guess what I presented to my husband? Danny’s big rod and 40 minutes performance secret, my husband asked me what it is though and I explained to him that my friend’s husband is using it to satisfied her and that is the secret of their happy home.

    My husband applied the secret and the same day we made love and I enjoyed it compared to the past. And on the fifth day our marital issues ease up and till today, no more sexual frustration.

    Will you like to discover the Danny’s secret that saved my marriage from continuous cheating on my husband? Mind you this frustration used to make all woman to take wrong step without letting their husband knows just like me. Click Here

    You need to hear from this expert himself whom i found that has the same secret on how he got cured finally without any side effect, plus his own special story on how he became an expert in this field. Click Here To Learn More.