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Tag: goodwill

  • Another season of goodwill

    Christmas beckons.  Harmattan is here with its harsh, dry and dusty air. Gone is the greenery of the fields. The lush grass of the golf course and the plants that bloom during the rains to beautify the countryside. It is cloudy and hot. Nature has a tough and rough way of reminding us that another season of goodwill has come.

    How many among us know that, indeed, it is Yuletide? Can we blame anyone for this seeming oversight? Boko Haram, the snake with a truncated tail, is furious and vicious in its bloody campaign. Kidnappers are raking in ransom in millions of Naira. One used to settle only for hard currency, until time caught up with him. Robbers are as daring as ever. Jobs are scarce. Many are losing their mental balance. Strikes. Doctors, teachers, civil servants: everybody is angry.

    The times are hard indeed, but not so hard as to kill what has become a tradition for “Editorial Notebook”. So, dear reader, it is time again to remember our compatriots who deserve the gifts it dispenses during this season, lest they feel neglected. Here then is my mailing list for the Yuletide.

    President Muhammadu Buhari tops the list, for obvious reasons. When he travelled to Britain early in the year to see his doctors, the rumour mill hit  overdrive. Some said he would throw in the towel and quit for health reasons; others simply delivered a brutal and fatal verdict – they said he was dead. Buhari, needless to say, returned hale and hearty, with more vigour, bouncing like an athlete primed for the Olympics.

    Unrelenting, the purveyors of those uncharitable rumours then stepped up their game. They said his “double”, an unknown Jibril or Jibrin or Jubril, a Sudanese, was the one at the Villa, performing state functions.  As idiotic as this claim was, many lapped it up and challenged Buhari to prove that he, in fact and indeed, is the real Buhari, the man we elected to run Nigeria. The source of this foolish claim was, incredibly, Nnamdi Kanu, the provocatively reckless pro-Biafra fugitive, who led many youths astray and then fled into a safe haven somewhere overseas.

    For Buhari, I have packaged 12 bottles of the tested multivitamin , Centrum Silver. Taken regularly, this supplement will surely help the President in fighting the effects of aging, thereby confounding and confusing his traducers about his physique and intellect.

    Those who waited eagerly for former President Goodluck Jonathan’s memoirs seem not to be satisfied with “My Transition Hours,” which has just been published. They insist that His Excellency left out many facts – and fictions — that needed to be cleared in the work.

    For instance, said the critics, he did not address how he was caged at the Villa, as he once confessed. Who caged him? Men? Women? How? Why? What is the truth about the Office of the National Security Adviser (ONSA) funds? Who actually took what? And many other questions the reader of the book expected Dr Jonathan to address.

    Going by the title, I guess that the work is not meant to address the Jonathan  presidency’s six years. That will be difficult in just 167 pages. I am told by sources close to the former president that a full, uncensored biography will soon be in the works. I would have recommended Dr Reuben Abati for the job, he being an insider, a member of the kitchen cabinet, but he is nowadays damn too busy with  campaigns in Ogun State. Abati is – yes; he is – PDP governorship “candidate” Buruji Kashamu’s running mate.

    From me, Dr Jonathan will get a copy of Curtis Bisel’s book, “How to write an autobiography. The secret tips on how to finally get started”. I remember mailing a copy last year. I wonder if His Excellency ever got it.

    Former President Olusegun  Obasanjo loves drama. When he eventually proclaimed that he had forgiven Atiku Abubakar’s sins, he ensured that some clerics were present. He has since taken the relationship further by backing his former deputy for president. To many observers, however, a mere pronouncement of forgiveness from the hilltop Presidential Library is no full atonement for all those big sins he had ascribed to the Wazirin Adamawa. Nor is Atiku’s purgatory complete without Obasanjo expunging from his book, “My Watch” the odious references to the PDP presidential candidate.

    Atiku, some have suggested, should sue to salvage his integrity. How do you sue a benefactor who has been so magnanimous in forgiving you your sins? What if he takes it all in bad faith and withdraws your forgiveness and your sins return? Should Atiku decide to take the legal option, I am mailing a list of the best lawyers in this area–defamation.

    Besides, this being the season of campaigns and sleepless nights for politicians, His Excellency will get from me a big basket of kolanuts to keep him alert – always.

    All Progressives Congress (APC) National Chairman Adams Oshiomhole has been under pressure over the party’s rancorous (in some states) primaries. Ogun State Governor Ibikunle Amosun is restless; his favourite Adekunle Abdulkabir Akinlade for governor missed the ticket. Amosun insists nevertheless that Akinlade must fly the flag, but Oshiomhole would not budge. He says there is no room for an emperor. Okorocha is pushing for his in-law to succeed him. Oshiomhole disagrees. He would not allow anybody to create a “dynasty”.

    So much pressure being piled on Oshiomhole.   From me, he will get the new version of the M2 Basic Automatic Blood Pressure Monitor, the OMRON brand.

    Governors are hardly remembered when they leave the office. Theirs is, as many of them have been grumbling, a thankless job. Their sacrifice, sleepless nights, endless meetings and long tours are often forgotten so fast. Lest this group get angry, I have picked one of them for the mailing list.

    Former Ekiti State Governor Ayo Fayose’s expensive vehicles seem to be prone to accidents. Last year, one of those exotic SUVs, a Mercedes Benz G-Class, caught fire in Oshodi, Lagos sometime in October, last year. By the time the fire was put out,  piles of crisp Naira notes had been scorched; the notes were quickly retrieved  from the smouldering interior.  And just last week, His Excellency’s G-Wagon was involved in an accident on the Third Mainland Bridge in Lagos.

    Chief Fayose will get a “manual on safe driving, and a two-week training offer for his drivers, who will also undergo drug tests – all at no expense to His Excellency.

    Our lawmakers will surely get angry, should they be left out of my list. I do not want to be summoned before these distinguished men – and women – who deserve nothing less than the best the season can offer for their sacrifice. The Distinguished Senator representing the good people of Kogi West, Dino Melaye,  has always made the list. I am glad to announce – to the delight of his constituents, I hope – that Melaye will get 12 packs of the soothing tea, Chamomile, to help him stay calm all day. Last year, I sent 10 packs of the herbal medication “Kalms” that steadies the nerves for the sobriety and restraint a lawmaker of Melaye’s standing requires. I hope he got them.

    Women won’t be left out. Since former Finance Minister Kemi Adeosun  quit the Buhari cabinet in controversial circumstances,  her whereabouts have become a subject of intense arguments in boardrooms, bedrooms and restrooms. Why did she quit suddenly? Was NYSC threatening to prosecute her for allegedly forging its  exit document?

    For Mrs Adeosun, I have ordered the book “A Separation” by Katie Kitamura, “a story about betrayal and how impossible it is to know another person”.

    All through this season of goodwill, my mailing list remains open. Should there be any omission on which you feel strongly, dear reader, do not hesitate to point it out. I will make amends.

    Meanwhile, all the best for an exciting Yuletide.

     

    A family tragedy in Rivers

    WHY will a man kill his four kids, set his home on fire and then take his own life? This is the big puzzle detectives are battling to resolve in Alesa, Rivers State.  Achibong Patrick reportedly attacked his wife, who escaped by running away from their home, before descending on the innocent children, strangling them.

    Doctors are battling to save the distraught woman’s life. She remains a key witness in the investigation. Before the police call it a day, it is pertinent to ask some questions. What kind of man was citizen Achibong? Was he mentally stable? Did neighbours notice any strange behaviour of his and failed to report to the authorities? Were they in a position to save the kids? Was Achibong driven to this tragic end by poverty?

    How was he able, in the interval between the time his wife sounded the alarm and neighbours rushed to her rescue – how was he in that interval able to strangle his four children, set the house ablaze, and hang himself?

    The Achibongs are not alone. Such tragic incidents occur quite often nowadays. As claimed by experts, some 40 million Nigerians are suffering from mental illness. Why? What is the remedy?

    Fathers assault their daughters. Young men assault elderly women for diabolical purposes. Minors are not spared.

    The probe of the Alesa tragedy should go beyond the usual; it should find out the state of mental health in Nigeria.

  • In this season of goodwill

    In this season of goodwill

    Election politics is in the air.

    It has not quite reached fever pitch yet, but you can breathe it, feel it, and almost touch it.  Though the general elections are still some 16 months away, each passing day is guaranteed to raise the nation’s political temperature somewhat.

    Just consider this past fortnight.

    A rejuvenated President Muhammadu Buhari all but indicated during a visit to Kano that he will seek re-election, thus putting to rest speculations about whether his health can withstand the strains of what remains of his current term, let alone the burden of a second term beginning in 2019 when he will be seven months shy of 77.

    Recognising that his route to being elected Nigeria’s next president in 2019 is blockaded if he remains in the ruling APC, former Vice President Atiku Abubakar quit that party and returned to the PDP.  He not only defected, he urged colleagues who had migrated with him to the APC to return to the PDP fold.

    No surprise there; Atiku’s soul was never really there.  His critics might even say, with some justification, that his soul is everywhere and nowhere, considering his predilection for gravitating toward whichever political party can offer him its back to climb to the top job.  Besides, his often strident critiques of the President and the Administration while he was in the APC, always seemed calculating and self-serving.

    In an earlier column, I described Atiku as “a (presidential) candidate of habit.”   Based on his latest peregrination, I belong now among those see him, not without cause, as a candidate of desperation.  Only desperation can move even a politician to perform in full public view all the gyrations the Turakin Adamawa has been performing not just lately but in his political career.

    The gyrations include, most recently, a trip to Minna to solicit the support of the discredited former military president who apparently is still a king-maker in the PDP.  Atiku emerged from the encounter looking anything but upbeat.  At the PDP’s National Convention to elect party officials, he was received coolly at best.

    Atiku seems unlikely to clinch the PDP’s presidential ticket, and not just because of his image as a drifter. With Buhari in the running and most likely to win re-nomination, the PDP is unlikely to award its ticket to another candidate from the North.

    This should, however, not cause him great distress, nor signal the end a great public career.

    Through his business conglomerate, he can directly create more jobs than he will be able to do as president.  Through his acclaimed philanthropy, he can continue to bring aid and relief in a more personal way to far more people than he can do as president. He will be able to devote more time to nurturing the American University of Yola, of which he is the proprietor, from its already high standard to world class.

    In the end, these engagements may offer greater satisfaction and certainly far fewer frustrations than being President.

    But this being Nigeria, and given the mysterious ways politicians conduct their business, it is too early to count Atiku out of the race.

    Only in a land of “anything goes” can Chief Olabode George, and Gbenga Daniel  in all seriousness run for PDP National President.  Both are political lightweights.  Both will bring to the table more liabilities than assets

    As military governor, Bode George virtually ran Ondo State aground.  His more recent outing as Chair of the Ports Authority landed him in jail until the Court of Appeal quashed his conviction.

    Gbenga Daniel’s rap sheet with the EFCC on account of his stint as Governor of Ogun State stretches all the way from the Ijebu waterside to Abuja and back.

    It has to be said that the new PDP chairman, Uche Secondus, has also had his        day with the EFCC   As deputy national chair, he was accused in 2016 of corruptly receiving 23 luxury cars worth N310 million from Jide Omokore, a business associate of the former Minister of Petroleum Resources, Diezani  Alison-Madueke, and ordered to turn in the cars or pay the monetary worth.  The National Identity Management Commission, of which he was Board chair, was mired in inertia and dogged by allegations of serious fraud.

    But Secondus had in his corner his friend and fellow Rivers State indigene, Governor Nysom Wike, who reportedly bankrolled the election of all the candidates on the so-called Unity List the PDP Convention delegates were handsomely mobilised to approve.

    For once, Wike aimed before shooting, and was dead on target. He taught those who still think you can play party politics without money that the game is not       for paupers.  Instead of denouncing the influence of money in the race, General Babangida should have drawn on his fabled hoard to empower the aspirant of his choice.  But then, again he has been in the business long enough to know a forlorn cause when he sees one.

    As befits this Biblical season of goodwill to all men, this is also a season of political reconciliation.  Former Oyo State Governor Adebayo Alao-Akala is the most prominent of former PDP political heavyweights to be received into the APC fold, following his defection several months ago.

    And there he was in Ibadan being welcomed by Asiwaju Bola Tinubu and Governor Isiaka Ajimobi and other dignitaries, all enthusiastically holding high and literally brandishing the APC’s emblem, the broom.  Given Oyo’s recent political history, a colleague told me he did not believe he would ever witness a ceremony like that.

    Did he ever think he would live to see Governor Ayo Fayose of Ekiti State send birthday greetings to President Buhari whose imminent or actual death he has announced more times than anyone can recall? Prepare for stranger developments, young man.

    Talking of goodwill, powerful men on both sides of the North Atlantic – elected officials, entertainers, leading media figures, athletes, etc.,—can be forgiven for believing that if this season portends anything, it is goodwill toward women and the precise opposite toward men, especially with so much sex in the  air.

    I have in mind the way they have been tumbling from their high perches over their cumulative gratuitous and offensive conduct toward women, some of them even taking their own lives out of shame.  A good many of them now live in mortal dread of a phone call, fearing that it might be the signal that they have been outed by a woman or women they once preyed on.

    But, irony of ironies, the one man who was actually caught on tape reveling in his predatory behavior is ensconced in the White House composing his latest fulmination on Tweeter.

    It is also an irony that Christine Keeler, the call girl whose affair with John Profumo, Britain’s secretary of state for War, a defence attache at the Russian Embassy in London and an un-named “member of the Royal Family” culminated in the fall of Harold Macmillan’s Conservative Government, died last week as sex continued to dominate the news in the United States, and to a lesser extent, the UK.  She was 75.

     

    Correction

    Contrary to what I stated on this page last Tuesday (December 5, 2017), it is Crowther University’s Library that is the product of General TY week munificence.  Crowther University, Oyo, has no teaching hospital.

    I thank Professor Tunji Oloruntimehin for setting the record straight.

  • Again, season of goodwill

    Again, season of goodwill

    I begin with an apology. The last instalment of this column was not meant to slight anybody, not the least those worthy compatriots of ours who deserve to enjoy the warmth and felicitations that this season offers. No.

    Some readers protested that some names of prominent Nigerians were missing from my mailing list. They may have felt neglected, they reasoned. Others were kind enough to suggest who should get what. Again, I apologise.

    President Muhammadu Buhari was listed – to the delight of many. But, to some distinguished readers, if the President deserves to be on the list, why not the First Lady –sorry, I take that back- the wife of the President? Aren’t they right? No gift will be too much for Hajia Aisha Buhari, vivacious, affable and radiant.

    A friend has suggested a compilation of my former boss’ series, “Anxiety in the other room”. But the problem is that Mr Femi Kusa, the frontline journalist-turned-herbalist, is yet to conclude the series even after five instalments in this newspaper.

    I have a less complex idea. Madam will get a copy of a poem a potential  literary champion is working on. It will be framed in fine, well polished and glossy mahogany. The fellow, who wishes to remain anonymous until the work is completed, offered me a rare glimpse into the first few lines, which he has permitted me to share with you.

                 Take me to the other room

                 Where there is no sorrow

                 The other room where all pains dissolve                                                

                  into joyous cries

                 The other room where men become babies

                 The other room where all proposals are                                 

                 signed and sealed

                 Oh no room like the other room  

    Another reader made a case for former First Lady Patience Jonathan, who he said had gone through a lot since her husband left office. The other day in Enugu, some youths carried placards, protesting against the seizure of Mrs Jonathan’s $15m in some bank accounts opened in the names of some companies. Others joined the protest yesterday in Lagos and Abuja. To be fair to the former First Lady, she complained to her husband’s ex-aide who facilitated the opening of the accounts that the documents were not in her name. He promised to change that. Apparently, he never did, even as Her Excellency continued to run the accounts.

    Many, including the youthful protesters, have praised “Mama Peace” for coming up to claim the cash, which the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) described as “proceeds of crime”, even after she had let everyone into what was otherwise a family secret – that the fortune belongs to her mother. But, some idle fellows parading themselves as social critics and analysts have been asking  exasperating questions, obviously in their dubious plan to enrage her: “How did she get the money? Was it from her ice cream shop? Kickback? “

    It is fitting and proper to remark that despite the provocation, Mrs Jonathan remains firm. From me, Her Excellency will get a lorry-load of T-shirts with the inscription: MY MONEY GROWS LIKE GRASS. Those youths protesting for her will at least have a uniform for better identification so that their gathering will not be penetrated by touts and other criminal elements.

    Going by the readers’ protest, Rivers State Governor Nyesom Wike, a chief, deserves to be listed even ahead of his Kaduna counterpart, the impulsive Nasir El-Rufai, the one who claims to have  been fighting for peace even as his political opponents cry out that he is a clear and present danger to peace.

    Wike’s opponents have accused him of uncountable allegations, some of them  criminal. Deriding his hard-won electoral victory, they alleged that he rode into office on a road awash with blood and strewn with smashed heads and limbs. They said the governor was borrowing money recklessly, but it is to His Excellency’s credit that nobody has claimed that he is inconsistent.

    On his inauguration, he vowed to protect the rights of Rivers people. Needless to say, the governor has done this with remarkable agility. He once rushed out of bed, braved the night and all its dangerous oddities to save a judge whose home was being  invaded by Department of State Services (DSS) operatives. His critics, obviously those who may have forgotten that he is a lawyer, said he was obstructing justice. Do they know the law more than the governor?

    Wike has vowed that his Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) will win Saturday’s by-election. He once advised that the officials coming to conduct the last Assembly polls should write their Wills. Thankfully, no official died in the elections, which the PDP won.

    Now the governor says security agents plan to help him make history by making him the first governor to get killed in office. The opposition All Progressives Congress (APC) says His Excellency is merely raising hell to cover up a massive plan to rig the ballot. Before the dust raised by the allegation could settle, the governor launched another, saying his security aides had been withdrawn. The police denied it.

    I have ordered a big family-size piano, which will be mounted in His Excellency’s living room. A young man well grounded in classical music can always sit down to work the keyboard for the governor’s favourite hymns whenever he seems to be in a foul mood. The Bible (David playing for Saul) days again? Why not? Doesn’t the world know that His Excellency is a believer? A cheeky fellow once remarked that Wike holds the enviable record of a governor whose head has been touched by all the Pentecostal giants in the land. I won’t confirm that because I don’t have the figures.

    A reader suggested a gift for Ekiti State strongman Ayo Fayose. This being a family paper, I will not go into the details, which are full of seditious propositions. You may call him a stunts man of the Ballotelian class and a hell raiser of the Wikerian school, but you can’t accuse Fayose of docility. No.

    When His Excellency stormed the Assembly last year to table the budget, he came with his own gavel. After a short speech, in which his opponents said he was rambling, Fayose turned to the gallery, which was jammed by visitors, and asked: “Those who want this budget passed speedily say ‘yeah’”. The lawmakers kept quiet, but the gallery erupted in a shout of ‘yeah!’. “Those who doesn’t (sic) want this budget passed speedily, say ‘yeah’”. All was quiet.  “The ayes have it,” the governor said, turning to an aide who gave him the gavel. He then banged the table and said: “Mr Speaker, I hereby present the budget.” Applause. Applause.

    On Tuesday, Fayose returned to the House to submit next year’s budget. He was decked out in a black vest, a pair of military fatigue (camouflage) trousers and a fez cap of the same material. Tall and trim, His Excellency was, of course, the cynosure of all eyes. His appearance brought back memories of the great Fidel Castro, the Cuban legend who has just passed on. Only the thick, dark cigar was missing.

    He explained his dressing to his bewildered audience, who apparently thought Fayose had emptied his bag of stunts, saying: “We are in serious wartime in Nigeria. We are at war in Nigeria.”

    Perhaps for modesty, His Excellency did not bring a gavel, but he stressed that the Speaker is his representative. “I’m the Speaker. He is the Acting Speaker. Therefore, if I say this budget will be passed by me, it will be passed,” Fayose said.

    I have ordered for His Excellency some cartons of the best Cuban cigar – to complete this new dressing. He need not smoke it – I understand he doesn’t smoke. He can just chew the stuff.

    Also missing on the maiden mailing list is the indefatigable defender of party discipline, rule of law and loyalty, Ali Modu Sheriff, the former Borno State Governor, who is in the thick of the crisis that has hobbled the PDP.

    Some party chiefs are now ruing the day they drafted Sheriff in as acting chairman. When they asked him to step aside for a Caretaker Committee headed by Senator Ahmed Makarfi, the former Kaduna Governor, Sheriff went to court.  Thus began an internecine war that has cost the opposition party so much.

    His opponents accuse him of being an accessory to the rise of Boko Haram, the terrorist sect troubling the Northeast, urging security agents to take him in. Sheriff denies it all and vows to pursue justice for his faction of the party. I planned to send His Excellency a book on leadership, but a colleague of mine doubted if he would appreciate that. He asked me: “Does he read? Have you forgotten how he boasted while in government that only a negligible percentage of his people was reading?”

    I wasn’t really persuaded, but to be cautious, I changed my mind. Now His Excellency will get 100 cartons of the best brand of spray starch for his big babariga  to remain crisp and smooth as he shuttles from one court to the other in search of justice.

    Now a little family secret. “Editorial Notebook”, you must have noted, never talks about this reporter so as not to be accused of abuse of privilege. My wife has also demanded, as a matter of conjugal right and privilege, to be on the mailing list. She even suggested some “romantic” gifts, which a poor reporter can hardly handle in these days of recession.

    After a long rumination over this sensitive issue, I have decided to give her my Automated Teller Machine (ATM) card for just 24 hours.

    Again, the mailing list remains open. After all, we are still in the season of goodwill. Compliments!

  • Another season of goodwill

    Another season of goodwill

    Is santa coming this way soon? I really can’t bet on that. The recession has sparked hunger and anger. Shut factories and cracked roads that guzzle blood everyday. An electricity crisis that has sent the cost of running businesses flying out of reach.  Job cuts and foreign exchange trouble. High cost of drugs that keeps patients depressed. The mood is unusual. Dull and drab. Oh, what a season.

    How will Santa Claus cope with tearful kids struggling to tug at his snow-white beards?  Who will console the elderly in this otherwise season of goodwill?

    Resilient as ever, Nigerians have been struggling to put up a bold face against the recessional depression. They are taking it all on the chin. Some homes have set up Christmas trees with lights that wink all-night.

    Despite the tyranny of these times, I have embarked on my yearly ritual of drawing up a mailing list of those prominent Nigerians who deserve to get gifts from me. I have been scouring the web for great gifts.

    Who tops my mailing list? And there is no price for guessing right, dear reader. Being a firm believer in protocol, I won’t skip President Muhammadu Buhari for  other prominent but less powerful Nigerians. No.

    With just about 16 months into his administration, the President seems to have touched the nerves of some Nigerians who have been asking: “Is this the change we voted for?” “Na change we go chop?”They point at rising prices of food and services. Some, apparently in frustration, have even suggested that “corruption should return”, as they draw up comparisons with the Dr Goodluck Jonathan era when they got crumbs that fell from the tables of government officials and their friends who were living like kings and partying like Hollywood stars.

    Buhari, of course, denounced that cosmetic era. The veneer of prosperity was all vestige of a golden era that no longer exists. He went after corrupt individuals who ganged up to rape the treasury on a scale beyond imagination, even by our weird standards. There have been revelations of people collecting a fortune for contracts that were never executed.

    Now there seems to be some order, but the government is stuck in the mud of a poor economy, fuelled by low oil prices and worsened by the new wave of militancy in the Niger Delta. Many states can’t pay their workers. Nigerians’ faith in the country is under attack. Pro-Biafra agitators have added to the dicey security situation. Boko Haram, sequestered in Sambisa forest from where it launches  devastating  occasional attacks, seems to be playing the snake with a slashed tail – vicious.

    The only thing that has not been questioned is Buhari’s integrity. It is not too late for the government to set its hand to the plough, be creative, pull us out of this recession and set rolling the good times he promised.

    Our situation is not new. Nor is it peculiar. For the President, I have ordered a copy of Roger Matuz’s “The presidents fact book”. It is a compilation of “the achievements, campaigns, events, triumphs, tragedies, and legacies of every American president from George Washington to Barack Obama”. He will surely find it a great resource material from which he can draw inspiration to tackle the problems we face.

    As I pulled the book off the shelf, the bookshop manager, a cheeky fellow who is obviously struck by a strange type of childish exuberance, asked me: “Who are you ordering this for? Do they read?” Not being one to be found among people of unconscionable conduct posing as “radicals”, I quickly summoned my legs for a dash outside the shop.

    Just when we thought the noisy controversy generated by his scurrilous trilogy, “My Watch”, in which he portrayed everybody as unworthy in character, we thought former President Olusegun Obasanjo had hit the peak of his egocentric tendencies. How wrong we were.

    Obasanjo, without provocation, last week, suddenly lashed out at Buhari, asking him to stop whining and face the economy. He called the National Assembly a den of unarmed robbers who should get the kind of treatment to which the judiciary has been subjected in a desperate bid to rid the institution of corruption. He was harsh and brash, taking no prisoner.

    The lawmakers, of course, defended their integrity. They described Obasanjo as the grandfather of corruption and accused him of plotting against Buhari. The former President has since held his fire. A colleague remarked that he must have had memories of his days in the Abacha gulag flooding back to him.

    For Obasanjo, I have ordered a copy of “The life plan study Bible”, edited by John Hagoe. He should pay attention to Luke 6:42, Psalms 10:4 and Proverbs 8:13.

    It is fine that Dr Goodluck Jonathan has shaken off the moroseness that comes with a major calamity, such as losing the presidency. He has since hit the lecture circuit, turning it all into a great advantage. He is now an apostle of good governance, leadership and democracy. The halls, I am told, are throbbing with people.

    But Jonathan still owes the world the story of his presidency. Besides a pack of the highly rated multivitamin Pharmaton, I plan to mail His Excellency a copy of  Judith Barrington’s “Writing the memoir”.  A president caged in a demonic villa will surely have a lot to tell.

    Poor Kemi Adeosun. The more the Finance minister tries to explain the government’s handling of the economy, the more furious her critics get. The other day she said about N750b had been pumped into the economy to tackle the crippling recession. From many angles came a flood of questions : “Where is the money? Who got it? How was it spent?” Some have even questioned Mrs Adeosun’s competence.

    I hope the woman still finds time to sleep. From me she will get a brand new M2 Basic Automatic Blood Pressure Monitor, the OMRON brand. She needs it, no doubt.

    Former police chief Solomon Arase has opened his law office. Those who expected him to open a car shop after his predecessor Ibrahim Idris accused him of leaving office with 48 exotic vehicles must have been disappointed. Arase advised Idris to stop crying over cars and face his tough job. From me, Idris is getting a list of companies willing to donate cars to the police, but they have put a caveat-  kidnappers and robbers must be reined in.

    Senator Dino Melaye has made the list again. He remains as pugnacious as ever after being vaulted from street activism – rent-a-crowd, as some would insist – to the Senate. Hyperactive and easily excited like an over pampered kindergarten undergraduate , Melaye seizes the floor to make wild allegations and disturb the peace of the chamber with his inanities. By now, the distinguished senator must have run out of “Kalms”, the herbal medication that aids sleep at night and clear, calm and reflective reasoning during the day. That was what I mailed him last year. He gets a full pack – in the spirit of this season of goodwill.

    Chief Tony Anenih has quit partisan politics after presenting his memoirs, which have enjoyed good mention in the media. He no longer wishes to be called and addressed as “Mr Fix it”, the sobriquet he earned by what many thought was his rare ability to turn things around during elections. His critics – as well as his admirers – ascribe to him either rightly or wrongly the unusual skill of turning  a loser into a winner and vice versa. For this quality, he was loathed by some, respected by many and feared by all.

    Many believe that with his Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) losing the 2015 election after threatening to rule Nigeria for 60 years non-stop and former Governor Adams Oshiomhole troubling him at home with his vociferous campaign against godfathers, it was time the chief quit politics.

    From me, the Iyasele of Esanland will get a massaging machine and a year’s supply of the refreshing drink “Lucozade” to keep him as active as ever, even in retirement. Who knows, the old man may some day be pressured to lend a hand in saving the troubled party.

    Even before fate thrust onto his laps the governorship of Kaduna State, Nasir El-Rufai was a cantankerous fellow. Temperamental, conceited and overrated, El-Rufai has been jumping from one battle to another since he mounted the saddle as governor. He ordered beggars off the street in a manner that infuriated the poor. He forged a division within the local All Progressives Congress (APC), fighting Senator Shehu Sani. Communal clashes are common. The Shiites, whose leader has been in detention for months, he has accused of planning an Iranian type of revolution in Nigeria, just to justify the hammering of the sect that lost many of its members in a bloody encounter with soldiers.

    There are rumours that El-Rufai was a major influence in the internecine feud that saw the APC going into the Ondo State governorship election a divided team. He is said to have his eyes on being president in 2019, a claim he has refused to admit or dismiss.

    Whatever his critics may say about him and his fairy tale rise to stardom, El-Rufai has been lucky; his past has refused to haunt him, unlike many of his former colleagues who are either answering questions on what they did while in office or hustling contract papers in Abuja.

    I have ordered for His Excellency a copy of the Holy Quran. He should pay attention to  Quran 7:146 and Quran 16:23.

    My mailing list remains open to accommodate any omission that may have occurred.  Feel free to contact me should you notice that any of our deserving compatriots has been left out of this list.

    Compliments of the season.

  • Another season of goodwill

    Another season of goodwill

    Is santa coming this way soon? I really can’t bet on that. The recession has sparked hunger and anger. Shut factories and cracked roads that guzzle blood everyday. An electricity crisis that has sent the cost of running businesses flying out of reach.  Job cuts and foreign exchange trouble. High cost of drugs that keeps patients depressed. The mood is unusual. Dull and drab. Oh, what a season.

    How will Santa Claus cope with tearful kids struggling to tug at his snow-white beards?  Who will console the elderly in this otherwise season of goodwill?

    Resilient as ever, Nigerians have been struggling to put up a bold face against the recessional depression. They are taking it all on the chin. Some homes have set up Christmas trees with lights that wink all-night.

    Despite the tyranny of these times, I have embarked on my yearly ritual of drawing up a mailing list of those prominent Nigerians who deserve to get gifts from me. I have been scouring the web for great gifts.

    Who tops my mailing list? And there is no price for guessing right, dear reader. Being a firm believer in protocol, I won’t skip President Muhammadu Buhari for  other prominent but less powerful Nigerians. No.

    With just about 16 months into his administration, the President seems to have touched the nerves of some Nigerians who have been asking: “Is this the change we voted for?” “Na change we go chop?”They point at rising prices of food and services. Some, apparently in frustration, have even suggested that “corruption should return”, as they draw up comparisons with the Dr Goodluck Jonathan era when they got crumbs that fell from the tables of government officials and their friends who were living like kings and partying like Hollywood stars.

    Buhari, of course, denounced that cosmetic era. The veneer of prosperity was all vestige of a golden era that no longer exists. He went after corrupt individuals who ganged up to rape the treasury on a scale beyond imagination, even by our weird standards. There have been revelations of people collecting a fortune for contracts that were never executed.

    Now there seems to be some order, but the government is stuck in the mud of a poor economy, fuelled by low oil prices and worsened by the new wave of militancy in the Niger Delta. Many states can’t pay their workers. Nigerians’ faith in the country is under attack. Pro-Biafra agitators have added to the dicey security situation. Boko Haram, sequestered in Sambisa forest from where it launches  devastating  occasional attacks, seems to be playing the snake with a slashed tail – vicious.

    The only thing that has not been questioned is Buhari’s integrity. It is not too late for the government to set its hand to the plough, be creative, pull us out of this recession and set rolling the good times he promised.

    Our situation is not new. Nor is it peculiar. For the President, I have ordered a copy of Roger Matuz’s “The presidents fact book”. It is a compilation of “the achievements, campaigns, events, triumphs, tragedies, and legacies of every American president from George Washington to Barack Obama”. He will surely find it a great resource material from which he can draw inspiration to tackle the problems we face.

    As I pulled the book off the shelf, the bookshop manager, a cheeky fellow who is obviously struck by a strange type of childish exuberance, asked me: “Who are you ordering this for? Do they read?” Not being one to be found among people of unconscionable conduct posing as “radicals”, I quickly summoned my legs for a dash outside the shop.

    Just when we thought the noisy controversy generated by his scurrilous trilogy, “My Watch”, in which he portrayed everybody as unworthy in character, we thought former President Olusegun Obasanjo had hit the peak of his egocentric tendencies. How wrong we were.

    Obasanjo, without provocation, last week, suddenly lashed out at Buhari, asking him to stop whining and face the economy. He called the National Assembly a den of unarmed robbers who should get the kind of treatment to which the judiciary has been subjected in a desperate bid to rid the institution of corruption. He was harsh and brash, taking no prisoner.

    The lawmakers, of course, defended their integrity. They described Obasanjo as the grandfather of corruption and accused him of plotting against Buhari. The former President has since held his fire. A colleague remarked that he must have had memories of his days in the Abacha gulag flooding back to him.

    For Obasanjo, I have ordered a copy of “The life plan study Bible”, edited by John Hagoe. He should pay attention to Luke 6:42, Psalms 10:4 and Proverbs 8:13.

    It is fine that Dr Goodluck Jonathan has shaken off the moroseness that comes with a major calamity, such as losing the presidency. He has since hit the lecture circuit, turning it all into a great advantage. He is now an apostle of good governance, leadership and democracy. The halls, I am told, are throbbing with people.

    But Jonathan still owes the world the story of his presidency. Besides a pack of the highly rated multivitamin Pharmaton, I plan to mail His Excellency a copy of  Judith Barrington’s “Writing the memoir”.  A president caged in a demonic villa will surely have a lot to tell.

    Poor Kemi Adeosun. The more the Finance minister tries to explain the government’s handling of the economy, the more furious her critics get. The other day she said about N750b had been pumped into the economy to tackle the crippling recession. From many angles came a flood of questions : “Where is the money? Who got it? How was it spent?” Some have even questioned Mrs Adeosun’s competence.

    I hope the woman still finds time to sleep. From me she will get a brand new M2 Basic Automatic Blood Pressure Monitor, the OMRON brand. She needs it, no doubt.

    Former police chief Solomon Arase has opened his law office. Those who expected him to open a car shop after his predecessor Ibrahim Idris accused him of leaving office with 48 exotic vehicles must have been disappointed. Arase advised Idris to stop crying over cars and face his tough job. From me, Idris is getting a list of companies willing to donate cars to the police, but they have put a caveat-  kidnappers and robbers must be reined in.

    Senator Dino Melaye has made the list again. He remains as pugnacious as ever after being vaulted from street activism – rent-a-crowd, as some would insist – to the Senate. Hyperactive and easily excited like an over pampered kindergarten undergraduate , Melaye seizes the floor to make wild allegations and disturb the peace of the chamber with his inanities. By now, the distinguished senator must have run out of “Kalms”, the herbal medication that aids sleep at night and clear, calm and reflective reasoning during the day. That was what I mailed him last year. He gets a full pack – in the spirit of this season of goodwill.

    Chief Tony Anenih has quit partisan politics after presenting his memoirs, which have enjoyed good mention in the media. He no longer wishes to be called and addressed as “Mr Fix it”, the sobriquet he earned by what many thought was his rare ability to turn things around during elections. His critics – as well as his admirers – ascribe to him either rightly or wrongly the unusual skill of turning  a loser into a winner and vice versa. For this quality, he was loathed by some, respected by many and feared by all.

    Many believe that with his Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) losing the 2015 election after threatening to rule Nigeria for 60 years non-stop and former Governor Adams Oshiomhole troubling him at home with his vociferous campaign against godfathers, it was time the chief quit politics.

    From me, the Iyasele of Esanland will get a massaging machine and a year’s supply of the refreshing drink “Lucozade” to keep him as active as ever, even in retirement. Who knows, the old man may some day be pressured to lend a hand in saving the troubled party.

    Even before fate thrust onto his laps the governorship of Kaduna State, Nasir El-Rufai was a cantankerous fellow. Temperamental, conceited and overrated, El-Rufai has been jumping from one battle to another since he mounted the saddle as governor. He ordered beggars off the street in a manner that infuriated the poor. He forged a division within the local All Progressives Congress (APC), fighting Senator Shehu Sani. Communal clashes are common. The Shiites, whose leader has been in detention for months, he has accused of planning an Iranian type of revolution in Nigeria, just to justify the hammering of the sect that lost many of its members in a bloody encounter with soldiers.

    There are rumours that El-Rufai was a major influence in the internecine feud that saw the APC going into the Ondo State governorship election a divided team. He is said to have his eyes on being president in 2019, a claim he has refused to admit or dismiss.

    Whatever his critics may say about him and his fairy tale rise to stardom, El-Rufai has been lucky; his past has refused to haunt him, unlike many of his former colleagues who are either answering questions on what they did while in office or hustling contract papers in Abuja.

    I have ordered for His Excellency a copy of the Holy Quran. He should pay attention to  Quran 7:146 and Quran 16:23.

    My mailing list remains open to accommodate any omission that may have occurred.  Feel free to contact me should you notice that any of our deserving compatriots has been left out of this list.

    Compliments of the season.

     

  • Buhari: My pre- election goodwill remains intact

    Buhari: My pre- election goodwill remains intact

    • We will surmount power supply problem
    • My rating has not dropped, he insists
    •Why Nigeria joined Saudi Arabia Coalition Against ISIS

    President Muhammadu Buhari is unmoved by suggestions that his rating by Nigerians has dropped.

    He insists that the generality of Nigerians still believe in him as they did in the run up to the 2015 election that brought him to power.

    Besides, he says it is erroneous to imply that he has abandoned governance for anti-corruption war.

    Buhari, in an extensive interview with the magazine, African Leadership, declares that there is nowhere in the world where transition from an old order to a new one has ever been easy.

    A national survey by the Centre for Democracy and Development (CDD), entitled The Buharimeter Report, had said: “We can also infer that there are still gaps between campaign promises, public expectations, government policies and actions. These need to be aligned properly going forward.

    “Attempts sometimes by the President’s party to disown certain promises made during the elections will not serve the government well.

    “What is required is to focus on achieving the promises by prioritizing them and carrying Nigerians along if there are challenges along the way.”

    But Buhari insists in the African Leadership interview   that he has neither lost the goodwill nor alienated the masses.

    His words: “Yes, I was elected by an overwhelming majority of Nigerians, and I am ever grateful for the opportunity I have been given to serve.

    “However, I don’t consider the result of the so-called survey a slip in my public rating and acceptance. I appreciate the high expectations of Nigerians and as an administration we are working assiduously to deliver.

    “We came in with a mantra of Change and the zeal to give a new lease of life to governance. Our zeal has remained the same and we are always prepared to make the difference.

    “You will recall that when I was being sworn in, I emphasized that as a government, three key areas will be the priorities. The first is the need to rebuild the economy. I also pledged to fight insecurity while the third and equally important area is the fight against corruption.”

    He pleaded with Nigerians to be patient with his administration, saying: “Nigeria will soon be back on track.”

    He added: “Before now, we have been having sleepless nights in Nigeria with Boko Haram having field days in tormenting people, most especially in the North-Eastern part of the country. So far, we have shown resilience in stopping these people and yet many criticize the approach we are using.

    “What I think our people should know is that a process of change is difficult as it requires endurance and patience. China, Malaysia, Singapore, Indonesia and other great Asian countries had at different times passed through processes of change. They are far better off today.

    “And some of these countries were at par with Nigeria in terms of development some five decades ago. We are attempting to do the same here to say let us stop building individuals, let us stop making those who serve in government get stupendously wealthy at the expense of ordinary Nigerians they had sworn to serve.

    “Rather, we should concentrate on building strong institutions. Let us introduce economic prosperity by bringing in more investors to catalyze a sense of competition to grow our economy. Let there be law and order in our ways.”

    He asked Nigerians to “continue to exercise patience and let them know that we will not rest on our oars until we bring succour back to them and to the country. From our efforts so far.”

    On the erratic electricity system in the country, the President said the nation will overcome the problem under his administration

    His words:  “Let me assure you that we will surmount the challenge of power supply. We have mapped out a mix of electric power generation sources inclusive of thermal, solar, hydro, nuclear, coal and windmill.

    “The idea is to adapt and embed these sources to areas that they are easily adaptable to. But more than that, we will reinvigorate and conclude the power sector privatization process and thereby ensure the whole value chain in the sector is populated by the private sector.”

    On why he has abandoned governance for only anti-corruption war, Buhari said: “it is not true that the fight against corruption is distracting my attention from the task of governance. You can sit back and review what we have done in the past one year and come up with your judgment. That will certainly assist you and other concerned Nigerians to reach the right conclusions.”

    The President, who explained why Nigeria joined the Saudi-led Coalition Against ISIS, said it had no religious motive.

    “We were looking for solutions to our myriad of problems in the area of security posed by Boko Haram which has pledged alliance to ISIS and the Saudi-led coalition against ISIS was set up to confront and eradicate ISIS,” he said.

    “Boko Haram had pledged alliance to this terror group and I don’t see the reason why we should isolate Nigeria in any effort to eradicate global terrorism.

    “It is all about eliminating the menace called Boko Haram. Having said that, Nigeria remains a multi-religious nation where there is freedom of worship as prescribed by our constitution.”

    He said he remains committed to Nigeria as a multi-religious society where freedom of worship will be guaranteed.

     

  • A season of goodwill

    A season of goodwill

    DOES anybody remember it is Christmas?

    I almost did not – for good reasons. The Boko Haram insurgency remains a bad sore, partly a self-inflicted injury, as we are beginning to find out – courtesy of the $2b arms contracts probe. Politicians have refused to learn a lesson on why the people’s will should be allowed to prevail, our roads keep taking lives, power supply remains everything but stable and rights abuses are yet to abate. The economy is like a barber’s chair, rolling and rocking but going nowhere. Senators are struggling to enact a law that will criminalise free speech – as if they never swore to make laws for the benefit of the citizenry.

    In the stifling environment, isn’t it easy to forget the Yuletide? The reality of it hit me when a cousin of mine showed up with a gift. Besides, harmattan is here, dry, dusty and nasty. Visibility is poor; it is cloudy and a bit smoggy. No excuses; the season of goodwill is here. So, as I do every year, I have begun a compilation of gifts for some prominent Nigerians – just before the authorities declare the Yuletide inconclusive.

    On top of my mailing list is President Muhammmadu Buhari. I have refused to join critics of his frequent travels, which an aide insists are not for fun. Consider those friends we have lost over the years; won’t we woo them back? How do we announce that the giant of Africa is truly back when our President is not seen at major seminars where world leaders discuss such life-and-death matters as climate change, ISIS, small arms trafficking, human trafficking and others.

    For the President, I have ordered a copy of Jonathan Swift’s classic,  “Gulliver’s Travels”. He will get also several packs of Vitamin C tablets.

    Many of former President Goodluck Jonathan’s associates have dissociated themselves from him, I am told. Not on account of any ill-feeling, but simply because His Excellency is out of power. I wonder how many Christmas cards and visits he is going to get. Poor man.

    Some of his friends are telling Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) detectives all they know about the $2b arms cash bonanza at the Office of the National Security Adviser (ONSA). The EFCC is contemplating how to handle the matter; should it take in Dr Jonathan for questioning or leave him out of it all? Should he be sent questions to answer or simply be allowed to decide how to clear his name? The “armsgate” cash is huge, bigger in reality and in imagination than what the late Justice Victor Ovie-Whiskey, chairman of the Federal Electoral Commission (FEDECO), the forerunner of the Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC), said could send him fainting.

    I bet Dr Jonathan would like to address this and other matters in his memoirs, which will surely be a best-seller whenever he decides to write it. But, a source told me he is yet to start writing. From me to the former President is a hard copy of Curtis Bisel’s “How to write an autobiography: The secret tips to finally get started”.

    Talking about the “$2b armsgate”, former National Security Adviser (NSA) Sambo Dasuki seems to be at the centre of it all, with people, such as controversial businessman Raymond Anthony Aleogho Dokpesi confessing that he got N2.1b from his office – we understand that the AIT/Ray Power chair actually has N10b (incredible) to account for – and the accountant Shaibu Salisu giving an account of  how the cash was funneled. Former Sokoto Governor Attahiru Bafarawa was said to have got N100m for –wait for this – “spiritual purposes”.

    Well, we’ll get to know more now that the matter is in the open court. Before then, I have ordered for Dasuki an ATM, the Automated Teller Machine that dispenses cash at the touch of some buttons after the insertion of a personalised and coded card. It keeps records of who gets what and actually issues receipts.  All this after a courteous greeting, which in this case will run like “Welcome to ONSA. Please, enter your secret number.”

    Dokpesi has issued a statement that the cash he got was for “media and publicity”. But the EFCC, which is said to be unable to fathom what the ONSA could possibly have to do with publicity contracts, has asked the high chief to tender some documents –letter of award, certificate of no objection from the Bureau of Public Procurement, certificate of completion and all that. Dokpesi’s  family has said he submitted a proposal to Dr Jonathan  in the presence of the then Vice President, Namadi Sambo (where in the world is he?) and that the proposal was thoroughly scrutinised. What due process could have been better than this, Dokpesi was said to have told the incredulous officers, who were amazed and dazed at the depth of his proficiency.

    I have briefed a young lawyer with an incredible zealotry – you missed it if you thought Mike Ozekhome (SAN) got my brief – to file an application for a copyright on a yet to be published work that will change the face of Commercial Law for ever. “How to sign multi-billion naira contracts”, by Dr R.A. Dokpesi.

    Where is Olisa Metuh? This is the question many have been asking on account of the unusual silence of the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) spokesman. I have got Metuh a bottle of Cognac. Besides, he will get a basket of farm-fresh okro to keep his mouth ever-smooth and  ever-running as in the days when his party revelled in the illusion that it was going to rule  for 60 years – in the first instance.

    The other day in the newsroom, somebody was talking about Dr Doyin Okupe – remember him; one of Dr Jonathan’s spokesmen, the one who swore that Buhari would never be president? – and his prediction that the All Progressives Congress (APC) would find it difficult to manage its success in the general election. Now, said the fellow, rather than defend its victory in Kogi State, the party’s leadership flunked a single test of integrity and  principle– Haba Chief John Odigie-Oyegun – agreed to a supplementary election and abused the memory of its candidate, Abubakar Audu, by dumping his running mate, Abiodun Faleke, for a man who never cared for the party after losing its primary. Now, let’s be fair. Isn’t Okupe right?

    Okupe will get from me a week’s supply of Italian pizza from the best restaurant in town for what the fellow called his precision. By the way, has the prince executed that Benue State contract, the one on which he reportedly got a hefty mobilisation fee? Or has he been restrained by a court of competent jurisdiction from executing it?

    Faleke too deserves a gift. I have ordered “The proverbs of MKO Abiola”, a pamphlet compiled by the former crime writer who is now a security consultant, Ben Okezie. Abiola, frontline businessman, philanthropist  and sport enthusiast, won the June 12,1993 presidential election, but his friend, Gen. Ibrahim Babangida, annulled the poll for no reason. Abiola died in a desperate battle to reclaim his mandate. Before then he had  quipped in reply to a reporter’s question: “With a friend like IBB, nobody needs an enemy.” Faleke should note particularly such instructive proverbs as “You don’t abort a pregnancy after the baby is born” and “You can’t shave a man’s head in his absence”.

    Dino Melaye has been hyperactive since he became a senator. Vaulted from street activism to the Senate, Melaye, in the view of many, has never really got over his dramatic transformation. Not for him the sobriety that is the hallmark of a lawmaker. When he is not playing Senate President Bukola Saraki’s bodyguard, he is busy screaming – without facts but with fake figures – that an innocent company has  creamed off N25b of the national revenue in three months.

    I won’t join those condemning what they have described as Melaye’s incivility, describing him as an empty barrel making the loudest noise and an irritant who thrives on peddling salacious rumours. No. From me, the distinguished senator will get a bottle of the herbal medication “Kalms”, which will assure him of a good night’s sleep and put him in a calm, reflective mood all day.

    Before governors begin to feel neglected, let me quickly announce the package for a worthy member of that exclusive club, Mr Ayodele Fayose, the grandiloquent “architect of modern Ekiti”, the one who recently corralled the honourable members of the House of Assembly to crown him the “leader of the opposition”, a title that has refused to stick despite his “Balottelian” stunts.

    Fayose, you may wish to recall, just before the general election, practically laid bare in public, his mother’s private infelicitous circumstances, saying the old woman had been condemned by her health status to wearing pampers, like a baby. This being a family paper, I would not like to write the other things he said in denigration of then candidate Buhari, using his innocent mother as a symbol.

    I have asked a photographer to glaze a bold copy of the popular Yoruba song celebrating motherhood for His Excellency. Here it goes:

    Iya ni wura iyebiye, ti a ko le f’owora

    O lo yun mi fo su mesan,

    O pon mi fodun meta

    Iya ni wura iyebiye ti a ko le f’owora

    “Mother is the priceless gold that money can’t buy. “She bore me in her womb for nine months. “She carried me on her back for three years. “Mother is the priceless diamond that

    money can’t buy.”

    Sunday Oliseh is hanging in there as coach of the Super Eagles, a team that has embarrassed its fans in spectacular ways since it won the Africa Cup of Nations in 2013 under the pompous Stephen ‘Big Boss’ Keshi. Since he got the top job some five months ago, Oliseh has played eight games, winning four, drawing three and losing one. He has been tongue- lashed for lacking attackers who have the skill of scoring goals and for engaging in needless squabbles with goalkeeper Vincent Enyeama.

    For Oliseh, the honeymoon may soon be over. I have got him an M2 Basic Automatic Blood Pressure Monitor, the OMRON  brand. He will surely read it.

    My mailing list remains open and inconclusive – in the  spirit  of these days  of  inconclusiveness– all through the Yuletide. Should anybody feel left out, he or she should feel free to contact me. After all, this is the season of goodwill. Merry Christmas!

  • From Goodluck to Goodwill

    From Goodluck to Goodwill

    My great joy is that darkness did not fall on the country on May 29. A new democracy illumined the entrails of Eagle Square.

    Jonathan, with repressed, if dignified, reluctance passed the torch to the dangling septuagenarian general who should now rise to the role of avatar.

    The day began with the glory of the soldier. From my seat, I thrilled to the elegant discipline of the parade, the colours, the starchy beauty of the uniforms, the stentorian authority of the commanding officers, the blend of the martial with the cultural. The bright and sultry morning rippled with familiar church and folk songs drummed out by the military bands to the accompaniment of saxophones and cymbals. With gusto the audience watched the formations. The lines were now straight, now fluid, a jigsaw puzzle broken and restored. The soldier’s feet rose, zipped forward, stamped down, up again in rhythm. The shoulders turned and eyes glowed in tandem with erect necks. It was the military at the service of the civil order.

    The irony was not lost that in this transition, a man was morphing from a general to president. In this ritual, the army was playing the role of this glorious surrender. Perhaps it was the last rite of Buhari officially ceding the army in him to a democrat. He swiveled from GMB to PMB – President Muhammadu Buhari.

    There was a torch of vanity to some guests. Nigerians who came wanted to be seen and heard. They appeared and spoke with their sartorial displays, especially the ex-this and ex-that. They wanted cameras to click. Others saw it as opportunity to rise out of the shadows, to commingle with perceived potential powers brokers of the new dispensation. They twirled their business cards, fawned before the new big men. Some told the big men stories about their past meetings or something they did together. Some others just worked the memories of the big men to remember them. “I was that guy or that woman, do you recall?” they would ask, simpering. The big man would feign a kindled memory. Yes, he remembered and asked after the family, and both moved on.

    Some just wanted to be seen so they could be drafted into a project or job. Cell phones were at the ready to take pictures with the big men, just to force some sort of intimacy even if the big men only obliged out of courtesy. I observed this more at the two banquets, the inaugural one with Jonathan attending, and the gala, which was an APC gig.

    Once Jonathan and Buhari arrived, the formal ceremony began. The ushering in of GEJ was more dramatic than Buhari’s, and that’s understandable. It was the last grand act of the departing President. Guards accompanied his SUV on both sides as it glided slowly to the front of the state box. The man alighted and walked in with his usual casual gait and smile into the box and his seat, his last front roll in Nigerian history.

    When Vice President-elect, Professor Yemi Osinbajo (SAN) strode to the platform for swearing-in, the audience realised that something epochal was happening. Once he, and his elegant wife, had read out their oaths of office, a sigh of history filled the commodious square.

    Then we saw the rites that followed after PMB was sworn in, and it dawned we now had a new president. An era had passed. Jonathan stood with respect to the majesty of a system that ushered him in just four years earlier after he had eased into the position when Yar’Adua died.

    He seemed lonely from where I stood near the platform. He was almost unaccompanied in his last day in office. Not his wife, not many of his presumed great friends were present.

    More telling was when he walked out of the platform through the steps to his vehicle. He never returned to the state box to say a final goodbye. As he descended the steps, he met the tall ex-governor Timipre Sylva, shot out his hand and shook hands with the man he ousted with impunity from the Bayelsa throne and hounded with the EFCC.

    “Sylva,” he said with a smile. Sylva smiled back and greeted. It was curt and telling. I wondered what coursed through the ex-president’s mind. Was it disguised defiance or apology?

    What was more curious was when his SUV left. The crowd around the car waved with deep feeling, but it seemed a genuine pity glazed their eyes as they saw him go. He waved back through the tinted window.

    The stage turned to Buhari, who mounted a vehicle and rode around the square to inspect guards and wave to the audience. The army again regaled us with their poetry of the parades, a thing that made me wonder if it was this same army that chafed at the predations of Boko Haram. I also thought the army was so beautiful it is a pity they have to shed blood. I loved the 21 gun salutes and the chaotic flutter that greeted the release of birds at the inauguration.

    The highlight, however, was Buhari’s maiden speech. It was elegantly couched speech with the right tone. The crowd cheered to the everybody and nobody phrase. But I still wonder if it meant he did not belong to APC or those on whose back he rode to power. It will be clear in coming months. For his and our sake, I hope he did not mean he would not have primary constituency of consulting. No great leader in history shunned the platform on which he rose. His speech reflected a Unitarian impulse when he espoused the independence of local government.  A throwback to military era? He did not seem to be in sync with the idea of fiscal federalism by promising to interfere in erring states. Did he mean it in an authoritarian way or as moral leadership? I expect that he could use his bully pulpit to initiate a constitutional federalism that is at odds with today’s malformed structure.

    Some expected a hammer and anvil temper, but I disagree. His pitch dropped halfway through, indicating tiredness. His handlers must learn to manage the exertions of a man of his age. His speech might have been shorter given the ritual rigours of the day in relentless sun. For me the speech was less moving than the one he gave at the gala later that night where he spoke from the heart.

    On the gala, what was Tunde Ayeni of the N5 billion campaign donation for GEJ doing there? Has APC decided to associate with such characters? Not good. The beautiful Joke Silva, who was compere, either naively or out of sublime mischief, acknowledged his presence. It was a dark spot in a fine day. I expect that he – with the Vice president – will publish the declared assets as promised during the campaign. He owes that to Nigerians as a matter of honour. With Boko Haram pounding Borno and Yobe, it is surprising he has not even announced his chief security adviser, as well as key staff. As he has noted, the job at hand is urgent. It is still early days though, but Buhari must dispel fears of the dillydally.

    Well, “the revels now are ended,” noted Shakespeare in The Tempest, and Jonathan is no longer in “cloud-capped towers, the gorgeous palaces…solemn temples…” His time, like an “insubstantial pageant,” has faded into thin air. The substance now belongs to Buhari. It will work not with good luck but goodwill with hard work.

    Ambo and the rainbow

    For all its grandeur, Lagos State Governor Akinwunmi Ambode’s inaugural speech struck a tone of harmony. After all the truculent cacophonies of the campaign season that saw religion pit itself against religion, and tribe overshadowed tribe in bitter acrimony, it was heartening to hear the new governor note that Lagos is for all. In his voluminous white agbada and sunny face, he promised to erect a big tent. I call it Ambo’s rainbow.

    His opponent had tried to cast him as the candidate of a part against all, and the image of lagoon drenched a sense of coexistence Lagos always knew. In the coming months, we expect to see fruits of this so that the past of doubt will give in to a future of peace and plenty in Lagos, the oasis of Nigeria.

  • Lagos chambers names goodwill ambassadors

    Lagos chambers names goodwill ambassadors

    The Lagos Chamber of Commerce and Industry (LCCI) has unveiled Evangeline Wiles, Managing Director, Kaymu.com.ng amongst others, as an LCCI Goodwill Ambassador ahead of the 2014 Lagos International Trade Fair.

    The event held at the LCCI’s head office in Lagos.

    The LCCI Goodwill Ambassadors are inspirational people who share a commitment with the chamber of commerce and industry to develop and promote the Nigerian economy. They possess widely recognized talent in the business, arts, sciences, literature, entertainment, sports or other fields of public life and will help generate public awareness and understanding of trade, commerce and development causes, as well as inspire broad, positive, committed action in support of LCCI and LITF’S mandate and priorities.

    In his opening remarks, the Chairman of the Trade Promotion Board, Chief Dr Michael Olawale Cole said: “The Goodwill Ambassadors have put the country first in everything they have done, I will not be surprised seeing them on TV for national honours.”

    Wiles, in her acceptance speech thanked the Chambers for deeming her worthy of being selected. “The Lagos Chamber of Commerce and Industry is known for promoting trade and entrepreneurship, which is at the core of Kaymu’s business model. I am committed to promoting SMEs in my service as an LCCI Goodwill Ambassador,” she stated.

    While giving a vote of thanks on behalf of other ambassadors, an upbeat Mr. Olisa Adibua, a media personality, said: “Today is a good day for me and my fellow Ambassadors, I am very happy and I look forward to working with the Chamber and promoting it.”

    Other ambassadors unveiled at the event include: Tuface Idibia, Toke Makinwa, Toolz, Kunle Afolayan, Vector, Brymo, Funke Okpeke , Managing Director, Mainone Cable, Martin Mabutho (GM, Marketing Mutichoice) and Lerin Davis.

  • Mark: A successful negotiator of goodwill

    Mark: A successful negotiator of goodwill

    For the less knowledgeable, incumbent President of the Senate, Senator David Mark was a trained combatant Soldier. Those who followed his track record in the hay days of his Military Career would attest to the fact that Mark was a no nonsense soldier who believed that no matter whose ox was gored the job that has to be done, must be done. From that background, as a Soldier, Senator Mark has less business with dialogue or negotiation. Like a true Soldier, his core obligation was to get the job done even if it required brute force or coercion. Most often, it was with immediate effect. To subordinates, the options are limited and there is no room or window for excuses; but getting results is the core value.

    But since taking the mantle of leadership at the nation’s apex law making organ in 2007, Senator David Mark has proven book makers wrong with his deep sense of wisdom lased with diplomacy in managing the affairs of the Senate, nay National Assembly. Even his emergence as the President of the Senate remains a shocker to many political pundits because except destiny and the hand of God, only a few gave him a chance to make a success of it.

    Those who had seen the rise and fall of many senate presidents under the current political dispensation (1999 till date) argued that David Mark would unwittingly step on the proverbial ‘banana peels’ that had seen the premature termination of the tenure of his predecessors in the unstable whimsical chair of the Senate Presidency.

    Seven years down the line, Senator Mark, to their utmost dismay, has proven doubting thomases really wrong. He has stabilised the Senate, nay the national politics with his ingenuity and wisdom of Solomon. He has unarguably given the upper legislative chamber a good name to be remembered for and whose shoulders Nigerians should rely on no matter the odds.

    Just a few months ago, Senator Mark rose above the fray, above partisan politics when he “resolved” the once Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) Senators from defecting to the emerging All Peoples Congress (APC) when he stood firm like the rock of Gibraltar and held on tenaciously to what is right in tandem with the constitution and the standing rules of the Senate.

    Those who rose up in protest that Senator Mark must read the letter of the “defecting” Senators few weeks later had cause to rethink and say thank you Senator Mark. The Senator Bukola Saraki-led “defecting” Senators now know better that the story would have been grossly unpalatable politically and that what Senator Mark did was beyond partisan politics but to safeguard democracy and protection of national interest.

    Let’s not miss the point of this discuss to wit; that at almost every critical situation the nation found herself at least since 1999 return to a democratic rule, there has always been a Nigerian, a David Mark there to rescue the hitherto wrecking ship.

    From Senate Retreat in Port Harcourt, Rivers State in 2008, where the upper Legislative Chamber proffered solution to tackle the menace of the restive Niger Delta Militants from where the establishment of the Ministry of Niger Delta, to compliment the Niger Delta Development Commission (NDDC) to so many interventions, including the labour unrests, Senator Mark has always been the man behind the mask.

    It is no longer news that for the whole of last year, the Academic Staff Union of Universities (ASUU) shut down the Ivory towers on account of the alleged Federal government refusal to honour agreement reached with them on the deplorable state of Education in Nigeria.

    All efforts/entreaties by authorities and stakeholders to ASUU to call off the industrial dispute fell on deaf ears until Mark, through a resolution of the Senate was mandated to wade into the crisis. Expectedly, Mark stepped into the matter and within a couple of weeks of tact and negotiation skills, the university teachers suspended the strike many thought was intractable.

    As a humble public servant, Senator Mark did not claim the credit of that achievement but gave it to the university teachers, the Senate and the President of the Federal Republic who gave him a listening ear to resolve the issues at stake.

    In the same vein, Mark, now dubbed the ultimate negotiator, waded into the Academic Staff Union of Polytechnics (ASUP)  dispute with the government and again achieved a great deal of success in resolving the crisis, and the lecturers went back to classes after about 10 months.

    Worthy of note was Senator Mark’s invocation of Doctrine of Necessity on February 11, 2010 to save the nation from the precipice at a time when the country was in a circumstance described as ruddership on account of the ill-health of Nigeria’s former President, Alhaji Umaru Musa Yar’Adua, a man believed to be determined but cut short by ill-health to lead the nation.

    That singular action of the invocation of the Doctrine of Necessity unarguably saved Nigeria from leadership vacuum and empowered then Vice President Goodluck Jonathan to become an Acting President. It remains a vital page for the Guinness Book of Records.

    What is more, Senator Mark’s intervention in the January 2012 public outcry and wild protests against removal of petroleum subsidy during which the socio-political and economic life of Nigeria was in comatose, remain a reference point in our contemporary history. The statesmanship of Mark on that occasion was worthwhile.

    Only last week, Senator Mark again added to his credit when his intervention led to the suspension of the Nigeria Medical Association’s (NMA) two months industrial action.

    Doctors under the aegis of the NMA had embarked on strike action to among other things demand for the unpaid areas arising from the relativity allowance, application of skipping in the promotion of medical doctors as applicable in civil service, increment of hazard allowance for medical doctors from the present N5,000 per month to a proposed N100,000 per month, withdrawal of the circular making nurses, midwives consultants, arguing that only degrees of fellowship registrable by the Dental and Medical Council of Nigeria can be considered for appointment of consultants.

    Besides, they are demanding the reversal of government circular sacking Resident Doctors and suspension of Residency Training.

    While the strike lingered, Nigeria had the unfortunate and challenging out break of Ebola Virus Disease (EVD), a development that worsened provision of health care services in Nigeria.

    Government and well meaning Nigerians pleaded with the striking doctors to call off the strike and respond to national health emergency, all to no avail.

    It was yet Senator Mark’s intervention from Sunday 17 through Wednesday 20 of August 2014 that salvaged the situation.

    During the prolonged meetings with the leadership of NMA, led by Dr. Kayode Obembe, Senator Mark persuaded the doctors to see reasons and hearken to the national call to duty.

    Accompanied by Delta State Governor, Dr. Emmanuel Uduaghan, also a meical doctor, and Senator Tunde Ogbeha, the doctors after due consideration and consultation with their colleagues agreed to suspend the strike and return to their duty posts. Although, negotiation continues with government over the yet-to-be-met demands.

    The point must be re-emphasized here that Senator Mark has lived up to his billings as the President of the Senate.

    He has consistently stated that he remains a pan-Nigerian, a patriot and nationalist whose mission and goal is to contribute squarely to the wellbeing of the ordinary Nigerian. In doing so, he is to be guided by the wishes and aspirations of the Nigeria people. He will be neutral in all matters, but he cannot fold his hands on issues that affect the security and wellbeing of Nigeria and Nigerians.

    In doing so he insist, he will be fair, firm, just and honest at all times so that generations yet unborn would remember his records of excellent services in public service.

    Hate him or love him, Senator Mark’s honesty and determination to leave the Senate nay its leadership better than he met it is incontrovertible. Even his political foes have come to agree that his leadership of the Senate is far beyond partisan politics. He believes and works for a peaceful and united Nigeria where no one or section is oppressed or marginalised. He is a peace maker, a successful negotiator of good will. For him, there is the hand of God in what he does, and adorns a garment washed by God which no man can stern.

     

    •Mumeh is the Chief Press Secretary to the President of the Senate.