Valentine is around the corner, this year, why not skip the singlet and boxers and try something a little more fun and adventurous. There are lots of budget friendly valentine gift ideas, you don’t have to worry about being broke afterwards.
It was the happiest day in Shade’s life because she had a date with her Romeo. But deep down, she didn’t really know how to handle this relationship that was one-sided. She loves Biodun so much but he was always telling her lies, he was always elusive, always getting angry at the slightest provocation, as well as doing a number of things that hurt and make her sad.
A lot of times, it is difficult to rationalise the things that go on in some relationships. Most times, the heart that should make her heart happy turns out to be the one causing her pain, the blackmailer and the one who sees nothing good in all she does. He actually goes to town painting the love of his life black and you wonder if there was love in the relationship in the first place.
Nobody loves to be unloved. What a woman desires is love, attention, as well as appreciation. She puts in her best and waiting for her Romeo to go to town to tell everyone who cares to listen that he has found a priceless jewel in words and deed. Surprisingly, what she gets is shock and not a pleasant surprise. First, tales of a number of escapades with characters, known and unknown, hit her like shockwaves.
Just while she is recovering from this, he confides in some of her friends that she bewitched him and lured him into a relationship. Now that he is wiser, he desperately needs his freedom, freedom to be with hearts that are more loving, hearts that know where the mumu buttons are located.
Tears? No need for that! It probably won’t change anything. The truth about the emotional terrain is that the rules are flexible, personal and sometimes, you just do not have any control over it. You can even compare it with making sense of something that doesn’t make sense. After all, how else do you explain loving someone who doesn’t treat you lovingly?
There are times when the heart you cherish goes a step further to justify the unfair treatment that you are getting. Unfortunately, being with someone who doesn’t love you the way we need or deserve can be a great source of frustration. Just because you love such a person, you continue with the hope that, one day, he or she would change. Sadly, they never really change and they may actually make you do the things you never planned to do.
Interestingly, it is usually better to look at the mind of the abuser rather than the victim. This makes it easy to recognise what the problem is, as well as the signs of abuse. As you take a deep look at relationships in this category, you would discover that the abuser is also a victim of some sort. A personality that probably has a complex; has been abused or feels bad about something. You would also discover how those who abuse the people they claim they love and tend to brainwash their victims by taking over their personalities.
Research has shown one of the main reasons why people put up with abuse in their relationships is pity. The person who is being abused often feels sorry for the person who is abusing them and this can be hard for others to understand.
They surround, or attempt to surround, that person with themselves and they try to keep everyone and everything else away from their “core” for fear of losing it. Abusive partners often hide the fact that they are weak and vulnerable. They replace their “core” self with the “core” of their partner.
The problem with a relationship like this is that the person will feel threatened by anything they do not feel in control of. If their “core” tries to have a life of “its” own, they feel threatened.
Abusive people inspire pity because, when they are at the risk of losing their partner, their panic and pain is massive. This is because, for them, they are literally in danger of losing themselves and their whole world starts to fall apart.
Abusive people hurt the people they love the most because in their effort to try to control, they attempt to stop the person with whom they are enmeshed from being an individual separate from them. So they try to control every aspect of their life, including who they talk to, what they do in their free time, who their friends are, and what they believe and think.
The more entrenched an abusive person’s partner becomes in their “core” the more control they need over that person. They begin trying to control every part of the other person’s life up to, and including, their mind. They often try to replace the thoughts and feelings of their partner by, in a sense, brainwashing them.
One of the most important skills in life to create harmonious relationships, reduce stress and enhance emotional awareness is empathy. Being empathetic requires skill and can be tricky at times. When you relate to another person’s feelings and needs, you build connections.
It is also important to note that the best way to get what you want is to ask for it. You also know that the best way to avoid getting what you don’t want is to say “NO”.
What happens frequently is that the selfish partner dominates the relationship with their needs and wants and burdens their partner with loads of expectations.
FOR the first six months, Teniola could not really fathom what was going wrong in her relationship. Of course she knew that something was wrong but just did not know what it was. Now that it is all over, the whole episode flows smoothly and now she knows that it was not meant to be from the outset. Flashing back, she discovered that she only got caught up in a flirtation that led to an affair.
Why not! Having those unsuccessful trials, just anything would do. Thirsty, it was sweet sipping from the affectionate stream. It wasn’t clean and didn’t taste right, yet it was better than nothing at all. Relaxed, she allowed herself to imagine that this was love and it was better to be blind to all the inadequacies.
It felt so good at the time and it all happened so quickly. This lovebird felt attractive, sexy, and alive for maybe the first time in years. Teniola allowed herself to get lost and just did not stop to consider the consequences of what she was doing. Now that she is back to reality, this heart wished she never made it this way because her heart has been disorganised more than ever.
For some people, moving in and out of relationships can be real fun. For those in this category, life is simply sweet. They know how to manuevre themselves, having an easy time creating the kind of connection desired. Some great heart here understands the emotional environment and knows how to turn and transform a few typical “dates” into the beginning of an amazing relationship.
Conversely, you also have those who are not as emotionally y gifted as the first set of hearts. Unfortunately, if you fall into this category, then you are likely to find it more difficult than you think it should be to find a great heart and go from the person just feeling “casual” about dating you to wanting and needing you on both a physical and emotional levels.
Therefore, if you fall into the latter category, it is better to reorganise and restrategise to get better emotional results “to win the right man’s heart.” Interestingly those things that matter on the emotional roundtable are little details. They are the things that a lot of us do not talk about, but they are also the emotional ingredients that we just cannot do without. It is important to pay attention to these details because they can actually drive your partner wild when they recognise them and experience them in you.
So, when you discover these details and put them to use in your love life, the right heart would melt for you and the person would always see you as that unique and special person that the heart just has to have and behold forever.
Real men are mature and grounded on physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual levels. They might not have everything they want in their life. But they are on a great path and open to growing on a deeply personal level. If you are unlucky to fall into the hands of the opposite of a real man, then your heart would constantly be in a dilemma. Handing your heart over to a boy is the greatest disservice you can do to yourself. Unfortunately for those in this category, you may not discover the emotional tide that you are running against until it is too late.
So, the next question that you are likely to ask yourself is how you know if what you have is a heart for a man or that of a boy. Well, the first thing you would notice is that a boy will become uncomfortable when he gets too close to his own emotions, or too close to a woman who truly sees him inside and out, for better and worse.
The story, however, is different with a real man. This kind of heart certainly knows his emotional onions. It is a heart that knows who he is and will listen, learn, and communicate even when he sees or senses that the woman in his life is unhappy or disapproving of something about him or his actions.
The things that will make a real man appreciate and admire a woman are often things that a “lesser” man would be annoyed, frustrated, or put off by.
Understanding these issues means that we all need to appreciate people for their differences and relate with them appropriately. For a lot of women, you must know how to talk to a man about your feelings and needs.
The easiest and most straightforward way for a man to engage in his emotions with you is by doing things with him that do not require talking, but allow you to be playful with him to dial up the emotional intensity to make him more attached to you.
Not all men love sports or are great at them, and you might not like them either, but that’s not the point here. The point here is to play a sport with a man because it involves aspects of a “game”.
Have you ever found yourself falling for a man you were dating and wondered if he was feeling the same way? Did you find yourself trying to prove what a great catch you are by being sweeter, funnier and smarter in hopes that he would fall in love with you? Focusing on what a man wants and ingratiating yourself in this way may feel like the natural thing to do, but it’s the worst way to try to make a man feel romantic love for you.
Love isn’t a reasonable emotion – and being “nice” and “understanding” and “a good sport” won’t get you where you want to go. Here are some ways that will:
Tip 1: Don’t give a man more than he gives you. Love, and inspiring a man to fall in love with you forever, is all about you being able to receive love.
Most of us only know how to give. We give for lots of reasons – because we’re taught that’s the way to get to a man’s heart (it isn’t) because we see other women do it, and because deep down, it feels uncomfortable and scary to be vulnerable enough to really get love.
“A man is actually turned off when he gets more from you than he gives.”
A man is actually turned off when he gets more from you than he gives.
When you shower him with affection, attention, dinners, gifts, and always go out of your way to drive to his place, it makes him think of you as a mother or a friend instead of inspiring his emotional desire for you.
Tip 2: Don’t give away exclusivity if he hasn’t yet committed. We become totally, emotionally invested in a man when we’re exclusive with him because he has all our time and attention. There’s no way we can stop wondering about where the relationship is going. But the more we think about it and talk about it, the more we push a man away.
Tip 3: Don’t give him gifts, make him dinner or pay for dates Yes, this sounds unfair, and yet, who pays is often the difference in his mind between friends hanging out together and a “date.”
If a man complains about paying for everything, let him know you don’t care what you do, you feel great being with him, and you don’t want to pay. Walking, hanging out in bookstores, having a picnic in a park can all be fun, romantic ways to get close to a man.
(And forget about cooking dinner, or trying to make dating “reciprocal.” A bowl of popcorn and something to drink is fine.)
When you give a man gifts, give him all your attention and energy, and give MORE than you receive, you’re OVERFUNCTIONING.
Overfunctioning is doing more than your fair share and stepping up to rescue a man because you know you can do a better job. It’s arriving from your masculine energy. It feels aggressive and forward to a man.
And it’s totally unattractive to him.