Iyabo Obasanjo got married to Hakeem Bello in September 1999, a few months after her father was sworn in as Nigerian President. Four years later, the marriage crashed. Bello remarried eight years after he divorced Iyabo, the mother of his only son. On 19 May, 2003, she filed for divorce at the State of Carolina General Court of Justice, District Court Division in the United States of America before Alonzo B. Coleman Jnr.
In the course of the hearing of the case with file number 03 CVD 384, her former husband, Bello, prayed the court to award him custody of their only child, Jimi Bello, who was born on 1st January, 2000 in Chatham County, North Carolina. The court subsequently granted him custody.
However, on 27 July, 2004, Iyabo allegedly took the boy from her former husband’s home in Pittsbhoro and fled to Nigeria with him.
Aisha Babangida, daughter of another former President of Nigeria, had earlier got married to Basheer Nalado Garba, a nephew to another late Head of State, General Sani Abacha. The marriage attracted celebrities from all over the world to General Babangida’s Hill Top Mansion back in September 2003 with friends and cronies of the gap-toothed martinet jostling to outdo one another in term of gifts.
The marriage, however, packed up three years after with a child as product of the union. After some time, Aisha found love again. Before long, there was another gathering at the Hill Top Mansion when she got married as the third wife of Muhammad Aliyu Shinkafi, the then Governor of Zamfara State. The marriage was contracted in April 2008 and a little less than five years after, Aisha is single again. Concerned parties are still keeping mum on the issue and what led to it.
Gbemisola Saraki, the two-term Senator at the National Assembly and daughter of the late strongman of Kwara politics, Chief Olusola Saraki, married Segun Fowora some years ago before the marriage crashed. The super-politician and mother of three has since remained single. The reasons are best known to her.
The list is by no means limited to the scions of potentates. Popular celebrities also abound on this score. After one year, Nollywood actress and celebrity, Funke Akindele, popularly known as Jenifa, admitted a break-up announced by her husband, Kehinde Oloyede. “We want to formally inform you that after due consultation and consideration, she’s now separated from Mr. Kehinde Oloyede as his wife,” Ayo Ola-Muhammed, her publicist, announced in an official statement.
Former member of the defunct Remedies music group, Eddy Montana was married to Kenny St. Ogungbe, the younger sister of Kehinde Ogungbe of Kennis Music. The marriage, which produced two kids, collapsed on grounds of alleged infidelity.
Deola Sagoe, daughter of Chief Michael Adeojo, Chairman of Toyota Nigeria Limited, carved a niche for herself as a haute couture fashion designer who also caught the eye of the international fashion community. The mother of three has, however, refused to remarry after her marriage to Kofi Sagoe hit the rocks some years ago.
Edith Jibunoh is your modern day super successful woman. The daughter of Dr. Newton Jibunoh, the popular adventurer and explorer, has worked in the MDG Office of the Nigerian Presidency and the World Bank. Since her short-lived marriage to Stan Rerri was dissolved, Edith has been on her own. Rerri’s first marriage to Edith Jibunoh crashed within one year.
Biola Okoya, one of the most celebrated daughters of business mogul and billionaire, Chief Rasaq Okoya of Eleganza Group of Companies, has not even come close to contemplating marriage after her marriage attempt with Akinwande Johnson failed.
These marriages were invariably the talks of the town when the weddings were held as they stood out for their ostentation. But in no time they fizzled out.
If you ask every potential bride her dreams about marriage, the things that usually come out of their mouths are to have a lavish wedding day as well as one that will stand the test of time. Usually, lots of emphasis is on the first set of goal, while the most important details are not attended to. It is therefore a day to roll out the drums, pop champagne and other exotic drinks at a luxury venue adorned with the finest décor.
Like a queen, the bride is expected to step out in the best outfit, best accessories as well as be chauffeur-driven in a luxury car. In the quest to achieve this feat, the loving couple spend as if there is no tomorrow, hoping to impress the rest of the world and damn all the consequences of being the emotional spendthrift. Interestingly, in a recent survey carried out by the Economist, some researchers found that the more lavish a wedding, the shorter the lifespan of the marriage was likely to be. Big weddings, they echoed, were the quickest way to the divorce courts.
Corroborating the fact that spending too much in creating your dream day reduces the chances of long term happiness are some financial experts, marriage counselors and other stakeholders. “I think that the wedding sector has pushed the cost up, leaving newlyweds starting married life in debt,” declared Leonard Odigwe, an economist. He added that “Soon after the dotted lines are signed, the wedding gown sits on the hanger with no other tangible assignment to be done. Sadly, such gowns go for as much as five or ten million depending on the source and the middlemen who help to get them. The other reality is that the limousine and the other choice vehicles are for a few hours and they would be returned to the car rental service parking lot too. The ceremony is just for a few hours or a maximum of days of extravaganza which leaves a big hole in the pocket for many.”
So, why do we fall for the hype? You wonder. Iveren Itokyaa, a counselor who specialises in Mind Engineering gives this perspective: “Humans are born with a strong innate desire for love and approval. The neuro-connections in a child’s brain of self value and approval are made based on the responses of early caregivers to the infant’s needs. Sadly, due to faulty parental conceptions or modern day needs, mothers are ‘taught’ that the best training for a little baby is to ignore a child’s crying so as not to ‘spoil’ the child before e go always de want body. However, as the research from neuro-science tells us, the first two years of a person’s life are key in forming the neural basis of a person’s identity and blueprint for life. A baby who didn’t receive the love and attention that it craved as an infant continues to unconsciously seek these throughout its life. The only thing that changes with years and maturity is the methodology. An infant cries; an adult has other avenues.”
Itokyaa continued: “One of those avenues used is excessive, unsustainable lavishness. Be these birthdays, weddings or funerals. Most people tend to throw caution and common sense to the wind whenever an opportunity to gain the 4 As attention, admiration, approval, acceptance presents itself. There comes a need to show off so that ‘others’ can see how good we are and thereby make us feel special. We will ignore budgets, throw tantrum, incur debts, cause quarrels but remain fixated on the end point the need to impress. The little infant takes over and is still demanding love and attention from the world, but this time with cash.”
Even though she agreed that on that day, we may get the admiration, the praise and the envy, all the attention in the world cannot heal the emptiness of a soul that has not yet been able to form a strong identity of love for itself. “After the event, the demons of self reproach will come out even stronger once the reality of our waste hits home. And it is usually then that problems begin to surface. But the problem is not that money is now scarce, or the attitude of the other person has changed or creditors are breathing down our back, the problem is the unconscious pain of not feeling unconditionally loved a lack in belief that I am worthy and the highest purest sense of love can come only from me. This is the issue that must be addressed. Yet for anyone of us to get to the point of not needing the lavish approval of others, we must be willing to first look within, face our hurting feelings and take the steps to heal the void created by our own early helplessness and well concealed sense of unworthiness. That is the essence of emotional freedom and the work we all are called to do.”
Like Ityokaa, Maureen Njoku, who got married about three years ago, recalled the tension and trauma she had to go through trying to make it a day to remember. “I am a very simple and conservative person, and so I wasn’t so keen about having something that was expensive. Unfortunately for me, my fiancé comes from an aristocratic background and he wasn’t willing to settle for less. First, he went to the bank for a loan for a business project and used all the funds to finance the wedding. The loan was not sufficient and he also had to ask for help from friends and relative. When I saw the bill, I almost passed out. It was just too ridiculous and I was restless from that point. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy to pay back,” she recalled.
Njoku continued: “We could not afford to pay for the kind of wedding gown that my husband wanted. So, what we did was to rent a gown that looked very glamorous. The cost of renting the gown was twice as much but it was something extraordinary. We rode in a limousine, and for me it looked like fairy tale, the stuff you read about in books only. The set of rings also cost a fortune and the rest of the details were taken care of by an event planner that walked away with about ten million naira.”
It is, indeed, a thing of joy when a man decides to commit to a lifelong relationship with his spouse. “For many, standing at the altar, saying, “I do” serves as the foundation for many childhood fantasies. Unfortunately, this love story can also get stuck with high bride price which is the norm in some parts of the country.
”At such moments, the groom is presented with a mandatory list with monetary token attached. This token, some actually believe, portrays her as a commodity which also affects the relationship,” opined Tayo Adebiyi, a social scientist. Sometimes, the problem can also be caused by a financial imbalance of the couple. “I know of a recent case where the lady earned an income that was twice the groom’s and she had to foot about 80 per cent of the wedding bill. It was a wonderful event but tension started on their wedding night. Instead of spending a blissful time together, they fought all night and tore each other’s clothes to shreds,” Adebiyi disclosed.
He continued: “They sorted out the difference the following morning and travelled to two countries in Europe for the honeymoon. The pictures were quite memorable but, unfortunately, they just could not go far together. A few months after the ceremony, the rich bride realised that the man was nothing but a gold digger and things gradually began to fall apart.”
Adebiyi also linked the high cost of getting married to the reason why a lot of bachelors have refused to kiss their status goodbye. He stated that “the trend can also be linked to the increase in single parenthood. Those who make up their mind early settle for cheaper options like going to a marriage registry with a few friends and loved ones.”
The new frugality, he noted, is causing some friction between more traditionally-minded parents and young people who are trying to change the stereotype. “Most times, the young couples are not the major character in the play called weddings. It is usually an event where parents invite friends and acquaintances who had organised weddings which turned out to be extravaganzas and they would also like to show that our wedding is bigger and more expensive than yours.” For some parents, it is a time to show off their wealth or pretend to be wealthy depending on those involved.
To save yourself from the stress, you can opt for the marriage registry where the cost of tying the knot is brought to the barest minimum and affordable. Sadly, the burden is not just for the couple alone. Most times, the cost is transferred to close friends and relatives too. So, when they get into a financial mess shortly after the dream wedding, those who should assist them are also grappling with bills incurred from the same event.
Marriage, according to experts, is not a bed of roses. As early as possible, it is important to learn how to be a good spouse and wriggle out of any unforeseen situations. These include getting financially stable, honing your culinary skills and avoid conflict. As you plan together for this special day, you need to ask yourself some critical questions about the cost implication, the alternatives you may need to forgo as well as the overall impact of emptying your bank account, as well as taking loans that would impoverish you at a time you need a robust account to cater for the new lifestyle that you are going into.
Yakubu and Victoria Gowon. Otunba Adekunle and Erelu Ojuolape Ojora. Modupe and Folorunsho Alakija. Olu and Joke Jacobs. These are couples who still step out and rock as if they just got married yesterday They boast of marriages that have spanned three or four decades and many wonder why these celebrity couples continue to steal the show , unlike a number of their contemporaries whose union hit the rock a long time ago.
For many, the big question is: what does it take to become inseparable and never short of each other’s company?
Some celebrity marriages in Nigeria also attest to the findings and here are a few examples below:
