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Tag: joke

  • Wizkid calls Nigerian government a ‘joke’

    Wizkid calls Nigerian government a ‘joke’

    Hip hop artiste Wizkid has dissed the Nigerian government. And considering the interest whicch some music stars who have attained fame take in politics, Wizkid has said he is not ‘interested’ in politics.

    Wizkid who has transformed to an international star made this assertion on Twitter on Tuesday, while responding to a fan who asked if he would join politics.

    First, the ‘Ojuelegba’ crooner lambasted government in the country as a ‘joke.’

    “Government for my country na joke,” he tweeted in pidgin English, adding the laughing emoticon as he followed it up with another tweet, “God help us.”

    He then concluded his tirade by tweeting; “Hmmmm not really.. Just funny what i see and read sometimes.”

    Nigerian artistes like 9ice, Kate Henshaw, Julius Agwu, Bob Manuel Udokwu, and Kenny St. Brown tried their hands in politics in the recent past while Desmond Elliot is currently serving as a lawmaker in the Lagos State House of Assembly.

    And presently, ‘Limpopo’ act, KCee, has signified interest in joining the Anambra State gubernatorial race.

  • How could I have missed that joke?

    When the government begins to tax people for what they don’t provide, then there is trouble in the land or they are asking for trouble

    Have you heard that humour kills? Well, it does. Someone was said to have died laughing. However, humour also enriches. July 1 this year was another International Joke Day but I missed it. I failed to tell you how soothing it feels to spread the jokes, make people laugh and forget the jokesters in our midst. No, I don’t mean the professional ones. Those are very serious people. I actually mean the people who govern us at local, state and federal levels. In this land of contrarieties, the punsters take life very seriously, and they get rich by working hard at joke telling, while the ones who govern us take the country like a huge joke, and also get rich by, well, helping themselves to the till. I tell you, humour enriches.

    Over a Nigerian radio station this last week, dear reader, I listened while travelling as some government functionary tried to defend the fact that his state now taxes people for sinking boreholes within their premises. What the…! I must confess I was flabbergasted and I immediately thought: such wickedness… such depravity… such inhumaneness… such a huge joke!!! Whose brand of humour could that be, and what stage does he work on?!

    Unfortunately, that functionary’s argument that both surface and underground water resources belonged to the state just did not hold water for me, if you’ll pardon the pun. (See, I fancy myself something of a punster too). I ask you, is it not the responsibility of the state to provide water for the people? YES, IT IS. The government should have gone into the ground itself to get the water and distributed it to the people. Then it could tax them for its troubles.

    I ask you, is it also not the responsibility of the state to provide electricity? YES, IT IS. Again, I say it should have moved the skies and captured all the lightning of this world to give the people light and then taxed them. SO, IF THE PEOPLE WAITED FOR STATE WATER AND LIGHT AND COULDN’T GET ANY AND THEN UPPED AND HELPED THEMSELVES WITH THEIR OWN MONEY, HAVE THEY SINNED? OBVIOUSLY YES! THE PEOPLE SHOULD HAVE WAITED TO DIE OF THIRST FIRST!

    Clearly, there is something off about that government. I am thinking, should they not rather have been apologizing for failure to help the people? Obviously, that government found itself powerless at not being able to reign in enough revenue from its water resources segment because IT DID NOT PROVIDE WATER FOR THE PEOPLE. It now resolved to go chasing after the people wherever they had gone burrowing for water. I tell you, I am covering my eyes for shame at the lack of thought that has gone into this thinking.

    When the government begins to tax people for what they don’t provide, then there is trouble in the land or they are asking for trouble. I am wondering why they stopped at water boreholes. What about generators? I mean, there are all these fumes given into the atmosphere from the throats of a thousand generators doing the nightly concert in practically every neighbourhood in this land and killing people off silently. Why shouldn’t the generators or their fumes be taxed? And while that government is at it, why can it not wake up every family that generator fumes have killed off simply because they were trying to provide for themselves what their governments at all levels failed to provide for them, light, and tax them? Then it should even put them on trial for attempted tax evasion through cleverly dying. Shame on us!

    That’s right, reader, you can see I am boiling mad today that we’re celebrating jokes. I do not have a bore hole in my house because I am not able to afford one yet. I am saving up for it though because I am tired of opening my taps and hearing that long whistling sound coming out of it signaling emptiness that tells me ‘hello, you can see I am not flowing with water right now, so shut me, please’. I need a borehole. And when I get one, I sincerely hope one water functionary will show up at my house one day and tell me he has come to tax it. Oh no, I will not shoot him. I also do not possess a gun because… well, you know that one. I assure you though, one of us will end up in court for assault and battery. My fists are not famed for being puny for nothing. I’m telling you, this is no joke.

    The Joke Day is passed but what the governments have done to the people is certainly a humourless joke. They have completely disabled the people through bad economic policies, not providing functioning infrastructures, not caring about the people in any way and yet expecting them to pay taxes as and at when due. Let me tell you what governments are supposed to do.

    Once, I was stopping by a foreign country for a short while and noticed that an additional route to the very wide one that led to a city’s business centre was being constructed. I thought that the volume of traffic on the existing one hardly counted for anything. When I asked why this was being done, I was told that the city council felt that in a few years, the existing route might be overstretched because the population of the city was envisaged to grow given the rate of migration. That government was doing that over and above all else: the light never blinked all the while I was there, the water never ceased flowing, the trains never stopped moving, and I wish I could report that the people never stopped smiling either for happiness. Hmm. I don’t know but I tell you this, that would have been the quantum of happiness for me.

    Sadly, I thought, this progressive thoughtfulness could never happen in my country, mainly because I think that governance in Nigeria is practiced by humour merchants. They are players who are busy playing. Unfortunately, they are the only ones clapping to their own jokes. A good example will be a Senator whose name I can’t quite recollect now, representing a state in the middle belt, whose antics before the entire nation resemble those of the long-forgotten Vaudeville Halls – something of a cross between slapstick and burlesque, a ludicrous caricature. Clearly, ideas such as the above come from comedians like that.

    I think it will be well if those in governance leave joking to the professionals. Those not only do it better, they get genuine, rib-cracking laughter that brings tears of joy to our faces, even when we have been the objects of their ridicule. On the other hand, let our government functionaries get serious with the art of thinking for governing. Yes, it is an art that requires studiousness and seriousness. It requires character and the heave-ho. It requires nobility of soul, not some tomfoolery travesties that only take one to the gallows. Louis XVI never imagined he could be a victim of the guillotine which had been built for the enemies of the state. Since he was the state, his enemies were automatically enemies of the state. But he ended up becoming a victim of a contraption he contributed to building.

    This year’s Joke Day is to remind us that life is short, so laughing matters. We can however prolong life with some good laughter provided by the good jokesters around us. Just look around you; they are there. If you can’t find one, then you have not looked hard enough. Get a mirror; there’s a good joke there.

  • Evans: It’s no joke

    What step will Chukwudumeme Onwuamadike, better known as Evans, take next?  Those who think the self-confessed big-time kidnapper, who was arrested on June 10, is being held illegally by the police need a rethink, including Evans himself.

    Assistant Commissioner of Police (ACP) Abba Kyari, who heads the special squad that caught Evans, was quoted as saying: “All those who want Evans released did not know that the police had obtained a 90-day warrant to detain him.”  He said the detention warrant was obtained on June 21.

    For Evans, this turn of events must be disappointing and demoralising.  Emboldened by sheer desperation, he had gone to court in a move that was as absurd as it was amusing.

    A  June 30 report said: “In the new suit filed yesterday by his counsel, Olukoya Ogubgbeje, through an originating summon, marked FHC/L/CS/1012/ 2017, Evans is claiming N300m as general and exemplary damages against the police for what he termed “illegal detention and unconstitutional media trial.”

    Evans sued the Inspector General of Police, and three others before a Federal High Court in Lagos over his alleged illegal detention; the other respondents are the Nigeria Police Force, the Commissioner of Police, Lagos State, and the Special Anti-Robbery Squad, Lagos State Police Command.

    What does Evans want?  Answer: “Evans argued that his continued detention by the respondents since June 10, without a charge, or release on bail, is an infringement on his fundamental rights. Evans is seeking a declaration that his continued detention since June 10 without arraignment violates his fundamental rights as guaranteed under the 1999 Constitution.”

    Another answer: “He is also seeking a declaration that his parade on June 11 before journalists in Lagos, at the Lagos Police Command Headquarters in Ikeja, without any court order, is unconstitutional and illegal. He prayed the court for an order, compelling the respondents to immediately arraign him before a law court, or release him from custody forthwith. Evans is also seeking an order, compelling the respondents to jointly and severally, pay him the sum of N300m as exemplary damages for illegal detention and alleged harm caused by the alleged media trial.”

    Yet another answer further exposed the joke and the jokers: “The suspect is also seeking an order of perpetual injunction, restraining the respondents from further arresting, detaining, harassing, investigating or inviting him in relation to the facts of his case.”

    Evans must be living in an unreal world where kidnapping is no big deal, and kidnappers don’t have to deal with the consequences of crime.  In the real world, there is crime and punishment.

  • Enugu Disco is a joke

    SIR: Umuoji people in Idemili North Local Government Area of Anambra State have been in darkness for a period of over two months.  The abusive intermittent supply of power, needless to say, has amplified the suffering of the people from the economic recession.  Unlike in the past when residents were ridiculed with nonsensical excuses for power failure, the authorities currently left them in the dark without communication.

    Earlier this year, a circular was forwarded to the various Umuoji village meetings from the President General of Umuoji Improvement Union (UIU).  The letter informed the villages to conduct a census of all the residents using electricity.  It stated that it will be their responsibility to collect money for the amount of electricity consumed every month by users.  This arrangement ensued from a meeting held by UIU in which an official from Enugu Electricity Distribution Company (EEDC) was invited.  The ingenious plan agreed upon during the meeting was that EEDC will send a bill with bulk amount to the town at the end of each period.  Villages will be expected to share the bill amount among them and collection per consumer will be done by them on behalf of EEDC.  Money collected will be paid to EEDC by the Umuoji Electricity Committee.

    The sad fact that UIU agreed to this thoughtless arrangement with EEDC speaks volume of whose interest it is serving.  Not unless there are details left out from its circular like how the recruited villagers will be paid for their untrained for job, the process is bound to be fraught with gross inefficiency and inevitably, leave room for corruption to fester.  It is a damn shame for EEDC to unscrupulously abandon their responsibility.

    Soon after this reckless proposal was circulated, the entire town of Umuoji was plunged into total darkness. The protracted power outage was not seen as unusual by residents until a member of Umuoji Igwe-In-Council sent an announcement to various Umuoji WhatsApp forums that EEDC has disconnected electricity supply to the town for lack of payment of their bills.  Members could not help but to protest on various WhatsApp forums against the blanketed punishment of all electricity users for the offence of some who defaulted.

    Chairman of the Electricity Committee intervened in the WhatsApp forums discourse.  He assuaged the tension. The initiative he took to mediate between the community and EEDC resulted in power supply being restored. His agreement with EEDC was that, going forward, electricity users should pay the amount specified on their bills every month.  The chairman was generally applauded for his diligence. However, news about payment of the full bill left a bitter taste in consumer’s mouth.  Explanation by EEDC that they came to the payment formula by sharing the total amount of power load to the community by the population of users was not acceptable. Since there is no way of ascertaining each consumer’s usage, lumping a poor widow who uses two light bulbs in her hut with a rich person who lights a mansion with same bill seems totally unfair.

    Our woes are unending.  For more than two weeks, we have barely had electricity in Umuoji.  The privatization of electricity supply is leading up to a big fraud. Once again, Nigerians are disappointed by government inability to provide basic services.

     

    • Pius Okaneme,

    Umuoji, Anambra State.

  • Let’s stop the sick joke

    Let’s stop the sick joke

    Former President Goodluck Jonathan seems so unpretentious you could vow he is like your next door neighbour. No airs. No ostentatious display of wealth. No professorial jargons of an exhibitionist academic. No boasting – except when he needs to remind us that to him we owe a world of gratitude for surrendering power to President Muhammadu Buhari instead of listening to the sharks who pressed him to hang in there even when it was obvious that it was time to throw in the towel. Poor fellow.

    There he was the other day in London sermonising on how he had fought corruption and how –irony of ironies- he had become a subject of investigation by anti-corruption agencies.

    “I did very well also to curtail corruption,” Dr Jonathan said, adding:

    “My approach to corruption was don’t make money available for anyone to touch. We made sure that the area of fertiliser subsidies was cleaned up and the whole corruption there was removed.

    “I tried to do the same in the oil industry, but the very people that were accusing us of corruption were the same people frustrating it; it’s unfortunate.”

    His Excellency had hardly left Bloomberg’s studio before the questions started coming in torrents from seemingly bewildered Nigerians and their friends. Which administration was Dr Jonathan talking about? Did he exhibit the courage needed to clean up the oil sector that had become a cesspit of corruption? Who are these people holding him by the neck and frustrating his bold bid to move even as they accused him of corruption? The same people who caged him for six years, as he once told the world?

    But Dr Jonathan was not done. He said in reply to a question: “Obviously, I’m being investigated.” Would he be found guilty?” He said: “I wouldn’t want to make certain comments because when a government is working, it’s not proper for immediate past president to make certain statements. I wouldn’t want to make comments on that; it’s not proper. After all these investigations, the whole stories will be properly chronicled.”

    Chronicled? Sure. The facts are already being assembled – in the courts where many who played key roles in the administration are saying all they knew about the stealing that went on as if it was a kind of sport in which the best thief would snatch away some golden trophy and then mount a city victory parade. Incredible. The chroniclers, I am sure, are already confused by the fact that it is all real. Masters of fiction are stunned by the surrealistic details.

    Huge cash being turned in voluntarily. A key security office turned into a mere cash machine dispensing cash to whoever had its not-so-secret code. A minister shelling out millions of dollars to bribe election officials. Phony payments for phony multi-billion naira contracts, including – wonders of wonders – prayers.

    All this and yet we are regaled with stories of how the administration fought corruption? C’mon Dr Jonathan, give us a break.

    We look forward to when our former president will take a break from the lecture circuit to write his memoirs. It will be quite interesting to know where he was when Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) leaders took a sledgehammer to the treasury, hammered their way through and ripped it open for the unbelievable pillage that left it bleeding to death. Besides, he should remember to put on record how he tried valiantly to let Nigerians know the difference between “corruption” and “stealing”. He may also wish to add the definition of what many Nigerians believe is a brand of kleptocracy – “lootocracy”.

    Interestingly, many of those PDP leaders who have done well for themselves are  now either battling to free themselves from imminent charges being prepared by the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC). Some are already in court. Others are being nostalgic about the past. They are romancing the past in which they saw life as one huge Lagos party that will never end. They have been threatening that in 2019, the PDP will –God forbid – return to power.

    A reporter asked elder statesman Ebenezer Babatope to assess Buhari’s first year in office. “I want to be honest with you, even though we are suffering, we have never encountered this kind of suffering before,” he said.

    With due respect chief, Nigerians know that Buhari is not the architect of their pains, which he is doing his all to stop by stemming the bleeding caused by the rapacious PDP. By the way, are PDP chiefs part of this suffering multitude? I doubt it. Whenever the condition in which we have found ourselves is discussed, it should be clearly stated that Buhari has got his teeth into clearing the mess of about 16 years in which PDP chiefs, at our expense, led a rollercoaster champagne life that would make Hollywood greats green with envy. They lived like kings and partied like movie stars. Nigerians said “enough”, kicked them out and handed Buhari the mandate to demolish the edifice of vices built by fraudsters, pranksters and gangsters parading themselves as leaders. Now the rebuilding has begun. It will take some time and patience, despite the hardship.

    I salute the courage of the PDP crowd. In other climes, a major calamity, such as losing power after 16 years – they threatened to keep it for at least 60 years, in the first instance – would have seen some committing suicide. Hara-kiri.

    Little wonder they have been grumbling and whining about how the Buhari administration has not been good to them. Senator Ben Murray Bruce has been all over the social media, complaining that a Department of State Services (DSS) official blocked him from shaking hands with Buhari during a dinner for lawmakers at the Villa. That was pettish of the distinguished senator, who has often been criticised for his inability to draw the line between an objective criticism and sheer bitterness and abuse of privilege that his blistering attacks on the Buhari administration constitute. He once offered to donate his salary to Osun workers. I wonder why he has not extended such a cheeky gesture to his home state Bayelsa workers who have not been paid for five months. Nor have the dying states’ pensioners got any such impetuous offer from the loquacious showbiz host turned senator.

    PDP governors who collected ecological funds and blew the cash have been exposed by the heavy rains that have caused floods in some states. All Progressives Congress (APC) governors were shut out of the revelry. Now such funds are not available to be easily diverted to oiling their fancies. And we say they shouldn’t grumble? Buhari, it should be noted, did not discriminate in the bailout funds for the states.

    They say the anti-corruption war is selective? How? PDP leaders’ blithe disregard for honesty and proclivity for impunity led them this far. They deserve to have their day in court; not those who knew nothing about the looting of the treasury.

    What those who blast the Buhari administration for its “slow pace”, especially in tackling our economic challenges, should think about is where we would have been if the PDP and its army of thieves had remained in the saddle.

    They should not talk only about what they think the administration has failed to do but spare a thought for its achievements in security, in the fight against corruption, in workers’ welfare (the bailout funds) and in the battle to save the naira –its present trouble was imminent, no doubt.

    Now, let’s stop the sick joke and put our hands on the plough to save our dear country. Have we any other?

     

    Stephen Okechukwu Keshi (1962-2016)

    I was barely two hours in bed at 5.12 a.m.when Sport Editor Ade Ojeikere called to break the news of former Super Eagles Chief Coach Stephen Okechukwu ‘Big Boss’ Keshi’s death.

    I recall how firm his grip was when I shook his hand. Ade brought him to my office at “The Nation” after an interview that preceded his appointment as the coach of the Super Eagles. I remember his broad smiles, his towering figure and his happy, carefree disposition. In a soccer-crazy country as ours, Keshi meant so much to the fans. Some saw him as bold, brash and brutal – in demanding his rights. But he was easily the most successful indigenous coach of our national team – and its longest serving captain.

    He had a great career, decked with trophies and accolades. Keshi was the first to lead the Eagles to the World Cup as a player, captain and coach. He was the first to win the Nations Cup as player, captain and coach.

    Keshi’s death was not just a family tragedy, coming about six months after his wife’s. It is a national calamity. May His soul find peace with the Lord.

  • ‘Doctors’ sack is a joke’

    ‘Doctors’ sack is a joke’

    A non-governmental, humanitarian organisation, the Peoples Problems and Solution (PPS), has said President Goodluck Jonathan’s sack of over 16,000 doctors was a big joke.

    In a statement yesterday in Lagos, its National President Dr Wale Omole said: “This is a wrong time to crack such a joke in the history of the world. To the rest of the world, it is ridiculous.

    “At this time when the world’s survival is threatened by the Ebola Virus Disease (EVD), all nations depend on their doctors. They value and treasure them. The reverse is the case in Nigeria. The Ebola virus, which is taking the government’s attention, has not killed up to 20 people in Nigeria. But hundreds of common people die everyday because government hospitals are closed down.

    “How many people can afford bills at private hospitals? Nigerians are dying in hundreds everyday. More people die from doctors’ sack than Boko Haram and Ebola pandemic. Who are the government’s advisers on health?

    “Now that the 16,000 doctors are sacked, we hope the advisers will ask the government who to take over the running of the hospitals nationwide.”

    The group noted that “there is no sense in that sack,” adding that the Federal Government should compensate the families of those who died as a result of the sack.

    It said: “Since all doctors working in the government’s facilities are sacked, we wonder what the Health Minister is still doing in office because he is a doctor in a government facility, who also stands sacked.”

    The group urged the government to resolve its differences with the doctors to enable them return to duty.

  • The Ebola joke!

    Trust Nigerians! Ebola has become a joke – though there is nothing funny about it.  It is a deadly virus that kills infected people fast after a two-day to three-week (the average being five to eight days) incubation period.  Yet, comedians have started making jokes out of it.

    Someone sent me one created by a comedian called Funny Pikin.  It is a conversation between AIDS (a male) and Ebola (a female)  in which AIDS complains that the new comer has come to usurp its influence as one of the most feared diseases in Nigeria.  To remain ‘relevant,’ AIDS said he would ‘upgrade’ to become an airborne disease.  Ebola tells AIDS that people have been advising her to go to Sambisa Forest, where the Boko Haram sect is allegedly holding the girls abducted from the Government Secondary School, Chibok, in Borno State on April 15.  She (Ebola) adds that it would be her “Bring back our Girls” mission.  When AIDS warns her not to infect the girls, Ebola replies that the girls would even prefer her to Boko Haram.  This is not funny at all and should not become the butt of our jokes.

    However, there is a truly hilarious real-life experience that someone shared with me that should give us concern about the level of ignorance of the disease. This colleague was asked by her niece, who just completed her secondary education from a public secondary school in Lagos, about Ebola.  This was the conversation that transpired between them.

    Girl: “Aunty, what is Ebola”

    Aunty: “It is a deadly virus that kills infected people quickly.  It is highly infectious and can be caught by coming into contact with an infected person’s body fluids (saliva, faeces, urine, sweat, vomit, breast milk, semen)”

    (Girl goes to her room but returns shortly)

    Girl: “Aunty, did you say the virus is deadly?”

    Aunty: “Yes it is.  Why do you ask?”

    Girl: “Because my friends have changed their names on facebook from Dorosexy to Ebolasexy and Dorodiva to Eboladiva.”

    We are in an emergency situation and need to act fast to check the spread of the Ebola virus in Nigeria.  Government has to do more to sensitise the public about the disease, and going by what transpired between my colleague and her niece, school children should not be left out.  Though schools are presently on holidays, the government must find ways to reach the young ones where they are.   Since regular hand washing with soap and water can kill the virus, this is an opportunity to teach primary and secondary school pupils about age-long hand washing techniques that have not been taken seriously.

    Information provided by the United States Embassy also states that apart from soap, the virus can be killed by sunlight, bleach and drying.  Washing machines can also rid clothes won by victims of the virus.

    Apart from school children, the general public needs to be enlightened about the dangers of touching corpses of infected persons or eating undercooked bush meat.  Infected fruit bats and primates are said to be the major carriers of the virus.  And I learnt that there are some areas in Nigeria where they are eaten.  This means Nigerians need to avoid them while the epidemic lasts.

    We need to take this campaign seriously to protect the lives of our people.  When people are educated, they can take informed decisions to protect themselves and prevent the spread of the disease.

    This is also an opportunity for our researchers to go to work.  If the United States has been able to come up with a serum that is helping its infected citizen, a doctor, to recover, then our government should demonstrate its seriousness to check the spread of the virus by commissioning our researchers to go to work.  At least, we would be contributing to knowledge.  Already, some of our natural medicine experts claim there are some herbs that can combat the virus.  This is an opportunity to find out if it is true.

    Now that health workers in Sierra Leone, Liberia and Guinea have  shut down hospitals because they are the ones most at risk treating infected patients, we cannot afford to treat our own situation lightly, especially as we have a much larger population, and doctors are on strike.

    The Federal Government should liaise with the United States to get the serum.  That may be the fastest way of stopping the virus in its track.  But the preferred outcome would be for our own doctors, biochemists, biotech experts and others to come up with an indigenous but effective solution to the problem.  And who says we cannot?

  • ‘We don’t joke with details’

    ‘We don’t joke with details’

    Bayo Adio, an engineer by training, joined the services of Optimum Exposures, a frontline outdoor advertising agency and member of Troyka Holdings in September 1995, from where he rose through the ranks to become the Managing Director/Chief Executive recently. In this interview with IBRAHIM APEKHADE YUSUF, he speaks on the company’s investment in digital media, pros and cons of digital marketing and his management style. 

    Your company set up an iconic billboard along the Adeniji Adele axis. Why did you choose that strategic location?

    The iconic billboard on Adeniji Adele is not just an iconic billboard but at an iconic location. Prior to what you have there now, we had a billboard there that was the biggest billboard in Africa. In the last few months, it was upgraded to a digital billboard, so it is an iconic billboard in an iconic location. It’s actually a location that is at the descent of the 3rd mainland bridge.

    So what is the unique selling point of this billboard?

    It is unique because it is a digital billboard with a platform that is very interactive, engaging and flexible and efficient. It provides a lot of social platform; you can tweet on it, have interactive messages and you can also display public information to the audience. You also have the current time and temperature on it. It’s the biggest free-standing billboard in sub-Saharan Africa. We partnered with a leading supplier of digital billboard in the world; Daktronics. Daktronics has 30 percent of LED market in the world; it is the leading manufacturer of LED in the world.

    Besides, this product is equipped with what we call an Intelligent Device Management System that ensures that from a remote location, we can put in each of these adverts the time bound that is needed in that platform. What I am saying to you, in essence, is that as many brands that are on the platform, we ensure that they have equal amount of exposure on the platform. So, there is equity and that is ensured. This is what we stand for. The core values of this company are integrity, innovation and quality service. And that we ensure that we provide to our clients.

    What really informed the installment of this board and what do prospective brands stand to achieve by signing onto it?

    In out-of-home, we are pioneers in the business; we pioneered the biggest billboard, the flexi material, the unfold spectacular, from the single to the double and triple face. So what actually motivated that billboard was that what is the next level to take the business? So we looked at that location and said we wanted to digitalise this billboard. It is the biggest in sub-Sahara today; so it’s something that is really raising the bar of out-of-home in the region.

    In some countries, firms are dragged to the court for erecting distractive structures in form of billboards. Don’t you think the iconic billboard might be open to such?

    Thank you for that question. We affiliate with agencies outside this country; like the outdoor Advertising Association of America. Studies were conducted but the fifth study found out those digital billboards do not cause road accidents. I can give you a reference. A recent story on state and local roads shows that it’s not a cause for road accidents. There is an ambience that the digital billboard gives to the environment. This is one of those things we are also working on. I am also a chairman of a committee in OAAN saddled with the responsibility of formulating a practice manual for out-of-home ads in Nigeria. Let me say to you that there is always a good and a bad side of everything. I have said to my team and other practitioners of out-of- home that there are things you need to do to ensure that the environment is not impacted negatively on this platform, and this is what we need in this country. And I believe that we must practice in a way that it enhances the environment and when we do that, the benefit will be to the practitioners, advertisers and the environment as a whole.

    The industry has been in turbulence in the last few years due to stringent policies from regulators. Many agencies have closed shop, can you share your experience regarding the regulations and regulators?

    The regulator of outdoor adverts in Lagos is LASSA. I can say to us that the advent of LASSA has brought sanity into out-of-home practice. Be that as it may, it has also affected a lot of practitioners due to the removal of billboards in Lagos. We also suffered from it but the truth is that it brought sanity and we can practice with the confidence that you are doing it professionally.  Before LASSA came in, you can wake up on a morning and see a billboard blocking your billboard. That cannot happen now. I think that the good side of LASSA has brought in strict regulation and it has been replicated in all the states of the federation. Then coming into regulation is the issue of fees and taxes from the regulatory agencies. The taxes are still high and we are engaging them to ensure that they are reduced. And I must also say that LASSA has been very approachable and are also practitioners.  There was a signage conference organised recently and we were part of it. That shows that they are approachable. The issue of regulation is good for the business but the issue of taxes and rates is what we are negotiating on and they are open to it.

    You mentioned earlier that the digital marketing structure is still emerging in Nigeria. As an insider, can you tell us the level of business we can harness from this sector going forward?

    You know that the media fact reported that in 2012, digital out-of-home was about 18billion that was lower than 2011 which was about 28billion. You can see that the 18billion is huge but I am saying to us that it would increase. The way to also explain that decrease in 2012 is what is the scenario playing out in our airports. In the airports, the advertising concession there was reviewed and there was no practice in the airport during that period, that I am sure lowered the spending.  But in the next few months, who knows what will happen in the airports? So I am sure that with the advent of the digital out-of-home which is more flexible, time sensitive and targeted towards consumers, more spending is going to come in. When we brought in that our iconic billboard, it was not the first in that industry, but a lot of brands want to play on it. You can see that brands we have on it; Mastercard, Nigerian Breweries, Glo and MTN, they are all big brands. And more of that is still going to come. We are opening up the opportunities as we have done in the past. Lagos is a mega city and mega signs are coming in, of which this iconic billboard shows that this can be done here.

    As the Managing Director/Chief Executive, you lead a team of experts. So would you let us in on what your management style is?

    Our emphasis is on results. We set our targets and we ensure we meet up with the targets. With the crop of experts we have, we know what we want to do; we go into the depth of it and ensure that whatever we are putting out there will stand the test of time. So we are professionals who deal with details and also relate with all the stakeholders in ensuring that when these products are there, there is no fear of attack from regulatory agencies, the environment and even the consumers. So we ensure that our consumers, advertisers and the environment are all satisfied. We are driven by results, have penchant for innovation and innovation drives us.

    Do you micromanage or you allow your team to hit the ground up and running?

    When you say micromanage, we have professionals here in all fields and when you see our products out there, it is a complement of professionals. We have project managers, accountants, engineers, information technologists and other services within the company. And if there are additional resources needed to complete a project, we go outside to source those. So we engage the best in order to achieve the best.

    Still talking about management, can you let us into how you motivate your staff? Do you make use of the stick and carrot approach?

    I can say that the staff of this company are the envy of competitors because when I go into meetings of associations and I see old staff of Optimum Exposure in other companies, I know that it’s a way to say that this company has affected all the practice. As regards motivation, our staff are highly motivated. We motivate them by ensuring that we train them internally and externally. You know that there is no university of out-of-home anywhere that I know of, but we train our staff because we know what knowledge is required. And when we see that the knowledge available is not up to par, we bridge the gap and send them for training. And there are also other motivational things apart from training such as salary increase, performance; we have key performance indices which are reviewed yearly.

    Talking about challenges, what has been the toughest decision you have made so far as the Chief Executive?

    When you are bringing in an innovative product that you have seen outside the shores of the country and you have that challenge of ensuring that the industry here can actually ascribe to it. It has been a hard sell to sell a product that the industry has not seen, but really, it should not be so.

  • Fayose o, joke o o o o o o o o !

    Now, isn’t this Fayose a joke?

    Peter Ayodele Fayose is the Peoples Democratic Party’s (PDP’s) governorship candidate for Ekiti State in the June 21 gubernatorial election. But that is not why he is a joke. To contest is his democratic right.

    But the joke comes from Fayose’s choice, in his own gubernatorial ticket. No crime, is it?

    Still, the oddity stands out. But you won’t know, until you examine all the particulars, vis-a-vis the contending tickets.

    The Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) just released the list of Ekiti guber tickets and the list is quite instructive.

    Governor Kayode Fayemi, 49 and PhD, runs with Prof. Modupe Adelabu, 63 and PhD.

    Accord Party has Kole Ajayi, 46 and LLB, BL as its candidate.  He runs with Akinyemi Adeola, 41 and BSc.

    Opeyemi Bamidele, 51 and LLB, BL is the Labour Party’s candidate.  He runs with Mrs Bolanle Bruce, 47, who boasts of a Post-Graduate Diploma (PGD) in Journalism.

    And Fayose, the PDP candidate?  He is 53 and boasts of an HND.  But wait for his running mate: Joshua Olusola-Ojo, 80 and Grade 2 Teacher’s certificate!

    And all that in Ekiti’s fountain of knowledge where professors are half-a-penny and virtually no family is “made” until it produces its own PhD holder?  Fayose o, odd oooooooooooooo!

    But don’t be deceived. The same INEC statement that gave the low-down added the  caveat that parties had up till May 18 to substitute names of candidates.  So, aside from the high drama of hoisting an 80-year old, who by his age and rather modest academic qualification appears both physically and intellectually suited for such an articulate state and a demanding job, it is obvious that Fayose just put the name, pending the agreement, among stakeholders, on the actual candidate.

    That appears fair and smart enough. But what is outrageous is the level of in-your-face cynicism that Fayose has employed to hold down the space.

    On stark cynicism, Fayose appears on the same page with his party.  The controversy of his emergence is too recent to bear any re-telling.  Ditto for the funny haste with which his party jumped to endorse his candidature, as if he was the paragon of a candidate everyone should fear and envy.

    But lo! Fayose is damaged good, given the heavy baggage on his neck, easily comparable to the albatross on the neck of the sailor, in Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s poem, “Rime of the Ancient Mariner”.

    Still, Fayose gallops on the hustings, hardly saying what he would do but only tarring and discrediting what his electorate can see! Is that a joke taken too far?  Maybe.  Maybe not.

    But it is clear that if his party can present Fayose with his baggage, and it has high hopes that its liability would triumph, it is either the electorate are deemed idiots (which they are not) or that party has absolute contempt for voters.

    Who knows, the concert of cynics, party and candidate, may well have a joker up their sleeves.  And what might that be?  Well, with the famed federal might, you just might guess!

    For now, it’s only fair to hail the peculiar candidate: Fayose oo, joke oooooooooooooo!