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Tag: ladies

Trace of destiny (2)

It came to a point whenever I was home on holidays, I spent more time in Rachel’s place than in my own home.
“We hardly see you these days, Jul. You are always with Rachel. Have you fallen in love with her? Is she your new girlfriend? What about Vera?” Mark, my younger brother queried. During vacations, both of us were usually together, hanging out and doing stuff together.
“Are you jealous?” I countered teasingly. It was a Saturday and we were downstairs washing our parents’ cars in the courtyard.
“You bet I am! I have lost my only brother to a ‘strange’ woman! Brother snatcher!” he said in mock anger. I laughed, playfully splashing him with some water from the bucket on the ground.
“Stop oh! Or I will throw this soapy rag at you!” he said, waving the cloth at me threateningly. I laughed again and ran into the house.
Later, in my room I thought about what my brother had said earlier about Rachel. He could be right. For whenever I was with her, I felt a kind of happiness and inner peace that I had never felt with any other girl including my current girlfriend, Vera. We had been dating for nearly two years and though I cared about her a lot, things had changed since I met Rachel. Most times, she was the one on my mind, the one I was always thinking about. I was not sure she was aware of the way I felt about her; I had not told her about my feelings for her but I knew it was only a matter of time.
****
A few days before I was to return to school, I invited Rachel out on a date. I borrowed my Mum’s car and we went to watch a movie. That evening before I dropped her at home, I opened up about the way I felt about her.
“I know this might come as a surprise to you. But I can’t pretend any more. I’m in love with you, Rachel,” I stated.
She did not look surprised or anything; she just looked up at me quickly before stating simply:
“You can’t be. You have a girlfriend.”
“I know. But I don’t love her. It’s you I love and want to be with,” I stated. I added that when I returned to school, I was going to break up with Vera.
“It’s not fair to her, remaining with her when I’m in love with someone else,” I pointed out. That day, she did not give me any firm answer; she said she needed time to think about my proposal. So, I remained hopeful as we parted that night.
On my last day, I went to Rachel’s house to inform her Mum about my leaving for school the next day.
“She has gone to the salon to fix her hair,” the woman said on my arrival. She was watching a movie showing on the cable TV in the living room so I sat to keep her company. But she seemed to have lost interest in the film for she was more interested in chatting especially about her youngest daughter.
“So, you like Rachel. I knew it! I could tell from the way you look at her!” she declared succinctly.
“What?” I said, taken by surprise at her words.
She laughed before saying:
“Rachel told me everything. She tells me about her love life, you know. Unlike her sister!” She paused before adding:
“I think she likes you too from the way she talks about you. You know, you are the first guy she has shown interest in since Tony.”
Rachel had never mentioned him before and I became curious about him.
“He was her ex-boyfriend,” she explained when she saw the quizzical expression on my face. “I think he was her first love; she used to be so crazy about him. When they were together, she would talk about him all day long till I got sick of hearing his name. But two years ago, they broke up and he left the country. He’s based in Canada now. Though she denies it, I think my daughter still loves him.”
Rachel came in shortly after.
“Hope Mum has not been boring you with tales of the past when she was the most beautiful girl in the country!” she said teasingly.
I laughed at her words.
“No. We were talking about you instead,” I stated. She glared at her Mum, grumbling about how she would not mind her business but always sticking her nose in her affairs. Then picking up her bag, she went to her room.
Her Mum laughed, stating: “What other business do I have but you? Afterall, I’m a jobless woman!”
“Your hair looks fine,” I complimented her sometime later as she saw me off. She smiled up at me and to my surprise, took my hand in hers.
We walked in silence till we got to the gate of my house.
“I will miss you,” I said, taking both of her hands in mine.
“Call me when you get to school,” she said.
“You bet I will!” I assured her. I kept to my promise, calling her regularly and enquiring about her Mum. It was while we were chatting one day on phone that she told me something that made me feel so happy, like a man who had won a fortune at the lottery…

•Join us next Saturday for more of Julian and Rachel’s story!

•Names have been changed to protect the identity of the narrator and other individuals in the story.

•Send comments/suggestions to 08023201831(sms only), psaduwa@yahoo.com or psaduwa007@gmail.com

January 11, 2014
Solutions to real life relationship issues

Thought for the week.

Why are men nowadays treating ladies as if they themselves have no dignities? I have had a lot of complaints about men running the other way as soon as you allow them to sleep with you. As long as you don’t open your legs for them, they will for the most part treat you like a “Gem”! The moment you do, you are just another “used good” to them. My concern is:-

(a) Are men doing this for their own selfish interest?

(b) Are they treating women this way because too many goods are chasing little money, meaning, the law of demand and supply had been exhausted to the extent that too many women are now chasing too few men, hence we have an “inflation” of women.

(c) Is it that the men are doing this because the women are not able to satisfy them sexually in bed, so they keep seeking and looking all around for ladies to fulfil fully their sexual greed?

(d) Is it that women have so much cheapen themselves, since there is a believe any ways that an average woman is smarter than an average man, women are now using their so called “smartness” to scam men, men even though they are not as smart as their women counterparts are now waking up to the reality of what some women are doing to them, it’s now payback time.

(e) Do the women see the men sleeping with them as a means for asking for material things and forms of gratification? This creates a negative impression on the minds of the men and ultimately pushes them away from the women folk. Ultimately, they are not able to differentiate between a woman of quantity and a woman of quality.

Men of Quantity will find it difficult to appreciate a woman of quality, no matter how rich or educated the man is!

Sadly, both are losing out greatly and it’s affecting everybody both young and old.

Dear Princess,

I am a man of God, aged 54 who is pastoring awhite garment church. I have a wife (aged 46), who is so suspicious that I have women friends and girlfriends outside our home. She has not always been like this; she used to be a loving and caring woman. When we met several years ago, we were inseparable lovebirds. We grew up in the remote town of Ilesha. We attended the same elementary and high schools, people had always been linking us together as husband and wife right from those our school days, our families became very close because of our relationship. Even though she was a quiet and reserved person, I was her best friend and she was always comfortable around me. When I started my ministerial workher mentality has always been negative when it comes to men in white garments. Most times our communicationturns out to quarrels and misunderstandings because of her mind-set on men in white garments. Princess, I am able to advise and assist couples when they have conflicts in their relationship or marriage but I am finding it difficult to solve my own marital issues. I am an extrovert and she is an introvert. She loves staying lonely without talking to anybody. She is not really fat and tall but she knows and people do confess that I am a handsome man. To me personally, women, ladies, girls do approach me a lot but I don’t have that kind of emotion or affection for them because of my ministerial work. I just have the beginning of any approach but I don’t have the finishing when it comes to female relationships. I have tried all my possible best to satisfy her in every way as a husband but all to no appreciation. The wife-husband relationship is not there. Most times we can stay together without any communication for hours or even days. It is only when I am feeling hungry that I do talk to her, even most time I will plead for my food but she will be sleeping while I take my food by myself. As at now, she is not working, trading or neither doing anything to keep busy. Sometimes, she is so abusive and do curse with a little or no provocation. I am the one carrying all the responsibility of the home. Even our children have known what is going on between us. We have three girls aged 20, 13 and 9. This problem has started affecting our children. I have played all my fatherly and husband role but her response is futile. She is somebody who eats and sleeps a lot. I have tried all my possible best to satisfy her emotion and affection but it is futile. People have talked to her severally to cooperate but she is not blending. I built a shop for her to be trading, she let out the shop. I have settled her for trading many times but at the end of day nothing came out of it. Every responsibility of the two of us has turned to my shoulders alone. Even she always punishes me on bed sexually; thinking and saying that I have sex with every woman outside, but the nature of ministry do not permit such nonsense. She doesn’t trust me in anything I do and she is not supportive. She is used to begging for money from me all the time which I do refuse some times. I have talked to her mother; some of her family and

relatives but all is futile.

The wife-motherly role is not there. In such a case like this, what would you advice and counsel me before I make up my mind and set out to take any decision.

Anonymous.

Dear Anonymous,

There is a saying “physicians cannot heal themselves”. It is a known fact that most people can solve other people’s problems but when faced with similar situations they find it almost difficult to solve their own problems.

My first question to you is that do you still love your wife? Is it possible you rekindle what you shared at the beginning of your relationship?

What most couples fail to realise is that as we grow up, get busy with our different ways of finding our daily bread, couples will sometimes drift apart. Knowing this, it is important for you to call your wife, ask her what is bothering her. Mind you, she might not be able to put her hands on it, but if you are lucky and she is able to, then your problem is solved.

You are a pastor,you are supposed to set examples for your followers, when you married this woman, it was for better ,for worse. If you are telling me the truth that you are not cheating on her, then the marriage can be helped. But, if you are not been honest with me and you do cheat on your wife, which is not unlike most men, then both the yam and knife are in your hands.

I want you to try this, Date your wife for the next four weeks. How do you date your own wife? If you are gifted, write her a poem, if not buy her a card that expresses your feelings for her, Next, what does she like the most? Cloths, jewellery, money? Whatever it is that she likes, this you give her with the card on the 31st.

As a pastor I know you hardly have time to romance and spend time with your wife, but if you want to recapture this marriage, you will need to romance your wife again. Once a week for the next four weeks, take her to a nice restaurant and show her that you care. Now after doing all this and some more, meaning it of course, see if in between if she will open up to you. Have in mind that you are doing all this because you still love her, your three daughters and you want to do everything in your power as the head of your family and ministry to make your marriage work. If you don’t love her anymore and you do not feel the marriage is worth saving then do not bother with this approach, but am sure you want to save this marriage else you will not have seek help.

As a woman and from how you described your wife’s attitude nowadays, she appears to have given up on you and the marriage. Knowing how busy a pastoral work can be,am sure she feels neglected and unappreciated. It is up to you to bring her into your world; it is up to you to let her know that she is “part” of you and not “apart” from you. After trying my recommendations, create an avenue for effective communication and try to “listen” to her, talk “with” her and not “to” her. I look forward to hearing from you first week in February. I wish you the best.

Wishing you a happy, healthy and prosperous New Year.

Thought of the week

“All that glitters is not gold”

Follow me on my blog , askprincessnow.com, New number 08155558750

January 5, 2014
Since I lost my pretty wife I’ve been scared of ladies

Adeola, I’ve been following your Hearts column right from my days in Lagos until my recent relocation to Uyo.I have a problem which I need your urgent advice on.I lost my pretty wife almost 3years ago and since then I’ve been scared of ladies because I’m afraid if I could ever find a replacement.

Dear Uyo man, it’s usually hard for people to start afresh after losing a very nice partner. The truth however is that you must move on in life and accept the fact that no two people are exactly the same. You may or may not meet a woman who is as good as the one you lost. You may even be lucky to find somebody who is so good you would be happy you have a second chance at love.

Life does not always give us the best options; we have to learn to mould what we have into what can make us happy. Yes, dating again after the death of a spouse can be an awkward experience. It can bring out feelings of confusion and concern from friends, family, and those who were close to the deceased spouse. You’ve lost a spouse and are looking to date again, here are 10 tips to make sure you’re able to successfully navigate the dating waters.

1. When you decide to date again is up to you: There’s no specific time period that one should wait before dating again. Grieving and the process of moving on is something that’s unique to each person. Some people take years, others weeks, and then there are those who choose never to date again. Whatever you do, don’t let others tell you you’re moving too fast or waiting too long. Make sure it’s something you’re really ready to try before taking that step.

2. Make sure you’re dating for the right reasons: If you feel like dating again, take some time to understand why you want to date again. It’s not wrong to date because you’re lonely or desire some company. Single people date for those reasons too. However, if you’re dating because you think it going to somehow fill the void or heal the pain that comes from losing a spouse, it’s not going to happen. However, dating does give you the opportunity to open your heart to another person and chance to experience the unique and exquisite joy that comes with falling in love again.

3. Feeling guilty is natural – at first: As you date, feelings of guilt should subside over time – especially when you find that special someone you might want to spend the rest of your life with. If the guilt’s not subsiding, you might not be ready to date again. Give dating a break and try dating again when you might be more up to the task.

4. It’s okay to talk about the deceased spouse – just don’t overdo it: Unless you’re good friends or have known your date previously, he or she is going to be naturally curious about your spouse and previous marriage. And it’s OK to talk about the spouse when you’re first dating someone. Answer questions he or she may have about your marriage but don’t spend all your time talking about the dead or how happy you were. After all your date is the one that’s here now. And who knows, he or she might make you incredibly happy for years to come. Constantly talking about the past, may make it seem like you’re not ready to move on and start a new relationship. Showing that you care enough to get to know them can help reassure your date that you’re ready to start a new life with someone else.

5. Remember: your date is not a therapist: Would you like going out with someone who constantly talked about issues she was having in her life? Dating isn’t a therapy session – it’s an opportunity to spend time with someone else and enjoy their company. If you find yourself dating just to talk about the pain in your heart, how much you miss your spouse, or tough times you’re going though, seek professional help. Your date will have a more memorable night if it’s about him or her then about everything you’re going through.

6. It’s okay to make mistakes when you’re finding your dating legs : If you find yourself forgetting simple dating etiquette, don’t worry about it. Most dates would understand if they knew it had been awhile since you dated. But don’t make the same mistake over and over. Learn from them and continue moving forward. You’ll be surprised how fast your dating legs return.

7. Defend your date: You may discover when once the family and friends learn you’re dating again they may not treat this new woman or man in your life very well. The treatment may come in the form of a cold shoulder at family activities or constantly talking about the deceased wife in front of the date. If you have family and friends who are doing this, they need to be told privately, but in a loving manner, that this behavior is not acceptable. If you wouldn’t let family or friends treat your spouse that way, why would you tolerate that behavior toward someone else – especially when your date could become your future spouse? Don’t be afraid to defend your date. If you can’t do that, then you have no business dating again.

8. Realize that not everyone will understand why you’re dating again : There will always be someone who will not understand why you’ve chosen to date again. They may give you a hard time for dating again or have some silly romantic notion that widows and widowers shouldn’t fall in love again. Their options do not matter. All that matters is that you’re ready to date again. You don’t need to justify your actions to them or anyone else.

9. Take things slow: The death of a spouse means losing the intimate physical contact. After a while we miss the kisses, having someone’s head resting on our shoulder, or the warm body next to us in bed. This lack of physical and emotional intimacy is enough to drive a lot of people into the dating scene. Don’t feel bad if you find yourself missing these things. It’s completely normal.

In the dating world wanting something that was part of our lives for years can become a ticking time bomb. It can force us into a serious relationship before we’re ready. The result: lots of broken hearts and emotional baggage.

If you find that you’re on a date and it’s going well, don’t be afraid to take things slow. This isn’t always easy. Sometimes it’s hard not to throw ourselves at our date if things are going good because we want to be close to someone again. We want that warm body next to ours and have the words “I love you” whispered in our ears. But it can save you and your date a lot of emotional heartache if you wait to make sure what you’re doing is because you love the other person and not because you miss the intimacy that came with your late husband or wife.

10. Make your date feel like the center of the universe : It’s a basic dating rule but it’s often forgotten by widows and widowers. Because we already have someone special in our lives, sometimes we forget to make our date feel special too. Treat your date in such a way that he or she feels like she’s the center of your universe. He or she shouldn’t have to compete against a ghost – even if you only have one date with that person. As long you’re out together, he or she should be the center of your universe.

Even though dating can be awkward and difficult at times, it can also be a lot of fun. There’s no reason being a widow or widower should hold you back from enjoying a night out. Part of the reason we’re here is to live and enjoy life. And dating is a great way to start living again.

July 6, 2013
Chris Attoh throws door open for ladies’

CALL him a ladies’ man and you won’t be caughat blabbing. Ebony Ghanaian actor and Tinsel hunky star Chris Attoh, who added a year on May 7, has thrown open his VIP birthday bash, free for all tomorrow night, Sunday 26th May at Cokobar London Bank where it holds. Guess its payback time from Chris who has always enjoyed the attention of ladies across the continent; whether it’s for his looks, when he’s acting or just about anything!

For the actor who ranks top in the league of Ghanaian’s sexist man alive, the ladies will be falling over their heads to make a statement at his VIP birthday bash as they did when they took to the social media last Friday to make sure it was a memorable day for him.

Chris’s fame continues to soar; he posted a Bentley Car gift on his Instagram to mark his birthday. With a birthday gift like this, the shindig will undoubtedly meet its billing.

Guys if you must be at this party, you’d better be holding your wallets! Because Chris isn’t opening his door free for you, sorry!

May 25, 2013
Ladies at war

A fierce war is raging in Nigeria, and I do not mean the one declared by militant Islamist group Boko Haram.

It is the “battle of the first ladies” – being fought with political and legal weapons in defence of egos.

Ex-First Lady Turai Yar’Adua is fighting to retain prime land allocated to her in the capital, Abuja, when she was president of the African First Ladies Peace Mission (AFLPM).

The property was taken from her after the death of President Umaru Yar’Adua in 2010 and given to the current First Lady, Patience Jonathan, in her capacity as the new AFLPM head.

African leaders, nearly all of whom are men, have the African Union (AU) headquarters – a stunning building funded by the Chinese in Ethiopia’s capital, Addis Ababa.

So, in these days of women empowerment, no-one can fault their spouses for setting up the AFLPM.

Some critics may argue that such a facility should be within the AU complex in Addis Ababa, but that would not show that Africa’s first ladies are independent of their husbands.

To the delight of the Nigerian government Abuja was therefore chosen as the AFLPM headquarters, as no other country made a bid to host it.

Mrs Yar’Adua was known in Nigeria as a very tough woman who saw her union with the president to include a unity of office.

Many insiders described her as the alternate president, more so when Mr Yar’Adua fell ill and was admitted to hospital in Saudi Arabia in 2009.

At the time, Mrs Jonathan was the unobtrusive wife of Vice-President Goodluck Jonathan, who wielded no power.

Eventually, Mr Yar’Adua died and Mr Jonathan became president. Power shifted.

That saw the natural abdication of Mrs Yar’Adua and the enthronement of First Lady Patience Jonathan.

The battle for the choice piece of land in Abuja started.

Ex-First Lady Yar’Adua’s lawyers said that the land in question was allocated to her for a non-governmental organisation, the Women and Youth Empowerment Foundation (WYEF), which she had launched.

As far as they are concerned, it was never meant to be the headquarters of the AFLPM – an organisation launched more than a decade ago.

Not so, said her successor.

Her spokesman said the property was originally allocated to Mrs Yar’Adua as president of AFLPM, but was later reviewed in favour of WYEF and the decision by the authorities to re-allocate it to the AFLPM was the only “appropriate logical action”.

Mrs Yar’Adua took the Federal Capital Territory Administration to court to reclaim the land. She won earlier this month.

The court ruled there was no evidence to show that the land had been originally allocated to the AFLPM, as claimed by the justice minister. The government responded by saying that it would appeal against the ruling.

Every Nigerian knows that the battle is not one for the courts.

Even the court had advised the two parties to settle the matter amicably.

We lay men say that courts deal with the law and politicians in power make the law. As it is in Nigeria so it is in every other African country.

Come to think of it, there are scores of properties in the choicest parts of Abuja available for allocation.

I wish I knew what is driving the battle over this one.

So far, other African first ladies have not intervened.

I think they should launch a mission to resolve this dispute, if indeed their objective is to promote peace across the continent.

Culled from be BBC

May 19, 2013
More controversies for African First Ladies

Last year, a mendicant African Union (AU) needed the benevolence of China to get a new and befitting $200m office complex in Addis Ababa. On the other hand, ‘wealthy’ Nigeria is proudly and confidently proposing to shell out N4bn to build the headquarters of African First Ladies’ Peace Mission (AFLPM) in Abuja on a controversial land. Nigeria’s generous spirit is obviously unlimited and undiscriminating. The Senate, which is considering the Federal Capital City’s proposed budget for the project, has so far given the impression it is scandalised by the presidency’s absolute lack of reality check. The country’s economy is in such dire straits, the Senate said, that it is shocking the government could tend to that project at all, not to talk of voting such a huge sum for its execution.

In his reaction to widespread outrage over the AFLPM office project, the FCT minister, Senator Bala Mohammad, knowingly begged the question. He tried to justify the allocation by arguing that according to the law the FCT was charged with the responsibility of building public offices. As he put it, “The Decree No.6 of 1976 that created Abuja also simultaneously created the FCTA with duty and responsibilities to plan, design, provide the infrastructure and construct public buildings as well as services to the entire 8,000 square kilometres of the FCT…As part of its remit to live up to its international obligation, the Federal Government accommodates certain international bodies – just like it is done across the globe; every year, the cost of rent or accommodation for such bodies tends to be above one billion naira…In Abuja, this obligation is transferred to the FCT Administration and as part of its efficiency measure, the FCT Administration saw in the proposed headquarters of the African First Ladies Peace Mission building an opportunity to save cost by using the AFLPM building to serve multiple roles in providing office accommodation as well as housing not just the African First Ladies Peace Mission but to other international bodies as well.” But who is disputing the functions of the FCT? It’s the project and the public money, stupid.

Even if you ignore the obfuscation in the minister’s response, how could you also ignore the tendentious view that the AFLPM had become a part of our international obligations? And who can forget the messy controversy surrounding the land upon which the office complex is to be built? In February 2010, the land was allocated to the Women and Youth Empowerment Foundation (WAYEF), a Non-Governmental Organisation (NGO) run by the immediate past First Lady, Hajiya Turai Yar’Adua. In November 2011, however, the FCT minister revoked the allocation and transferred ownership of the land to AFLPM, thereby setting in motion a very nasty and embarrassing struggle between the two First Ladies. The minister of course later explained that the earlier allocation to Hajiya Turai was inappropriate in the first instance.

No matter how much the Senate wants to cooperate with the presidency, it is unlikely it can be persuaded to approve the expenditure for AFLPM as part of the FCT budget. After all, the sponsors of the project had vehemently clarified in 2011 and in July last year, during a dispute over supply of cars for the AFLPM summit, that it was an NGO. Taken together with its recklessness on the centenary project and other financial imprudence such as the N12bn proposed expenditure for the construction of two city gates for Abuja and rehabilitation of commercial sex workers in the FCT, it is clear that the President Goodluck Jonathan presidency has lost all sense of restraint in spending money and prioritising projects. The legislature must recognise that in spite of being sometimes ineffective in carrying out its oversight responsibilities, the onus for saving this democracy is on its shoulders. It should do what is right on the AFLPM office project, and put a leash on a presidency that has lost virtually all sense of reality and proportion.

February 6, 2013
Married women love me more than single ladies

All through my love life, it has been disturbing as married women admire me and show love to me more than single ladies. I am a bachelor and I’ve been willing to engage a lady for marriage but always I make attempt in keeping a relationship, I could not find love. But wherever I go and have contact with married women, they tend to admire me much and wish to keep me away from having relationship with any other woman. I don’t want to commit adultery but the pressure on me has been too much. How can I escape this since most of these married women are caring?

My brother, any married woman that tries to get you in her bed is digging a grave for not only herself, but you too. Once a woman gets married, she belongs body and soul to her man. So all these women showing interest in you are silly. If they’re tired of their marriages, they should leave rather than cutting corners.

I really wouldn’t know why single girls would not find you good enough. Could it be that you’re so handsome girls feel insecure around you, or you’re so matured they can’t handle you? Whatever the problem may be, try to ask those who know you well what they think your problem is. It’s also possible that you love older women and so, you’re free around them and they show you the green light as a result of that. If that is the case, get the attention of an older woman who is single (she could be a divorcee or a widow) and try to start a relationship. But married women? Don’t go there.

November 10, 2012