HOW goes it, comrade? You look tired and confused. What’s the matter?
“Ol’ boy, ground no level at all. This matter no laugh me at all. In fact, e dey me above. Man tire.”
“You’re back at your old foxy game, right? Whenever you want to be dramatic and recondite in your attitude, you launch into this kind of esoteric mannerism. You get melancholic. Just tell us what the problem is.”
“My brother, I was in the traffic for three hours. My leg was shaking as I forced it to stay on the throttle. I was hungry and the car was coughing, jerking. I had to switch off the air conditioner. The LASTMA boys are sleeping. Governor Ambode needs to wake them up or shake them up.”
“You see, many people don’t understand the complexity of this simple matter. Lagosians were grumbling that LASTMA was high-handed and brutal in its enforcement of traffic laws. It was either the guys were beating up a recalcitrant driver or they were being punched in the nose. The whole thing, a simple enforcement of traffic rules, was becoming a war. Ambode stepped in to pull the brakes on the violence and ordered that Lagosians must be treated with respect. Decency. Then, as the story goes, the LASTMA guys mounted a kind of passive resistance. They stopped directing traffic and watched, arms akimbo, as impatient motorists barged and rammed into one another and caused the gridlock that threatened to stifle the city.”
“But why would they do that? Aren’t they being paid for the work they do?”
“You’re right o. What I learnt from the rumour mill was that the LASTMA guys – the bad eggs among them o – were lining their pockets as they enforced the rules. So, asking them to be decent was like shutting their oil block. The gridlock was their own way of fighting back.”
“So, it’s all sabotage?”
“Well… I no know book o. I think the government is planning a reorganisation of the agency. The other day, the government said more officers will be hired, perhaps to give those who won’t work the kick. But then, how many of us obey traffic lights? A fellow sent me an illustration the other day of what he called the traffic light and its interpretation in Nigeria and in other countries. ‘The rest of the world: green is go, yellow is go safe and red is stop. In Nigeria: green is go, yellow is go fast and red is check if no police then go.’ Besides, Ambode has ordered full enforcement of traffic laws, given tank farm owners 90-day ultimatum and warned that the days of impunity are over. ‘Any person who fails to comply with any of the provisions of the law commits an offence and shall be liable on conviction as stipulated in the law,’ the governor said.
“Okay. But, how do we explain the fact that robbers are getting more daring?”
“You see, let’s be fair; let’s be objective. It is very easy for us to forget that some of the major robberies you’re talking about – Lekki and others – did not take place during this administration. Lekki was broad daylight. I recall that Black Sunday when robbers seized the city by the throat, shooting all the way from Oworonsoki to Mile 2 and Agege – unchallenged. Besides, what happened to all those vehicles the security agents were using? Why are the police less proactive? Are the criminals just taking advantage of the transition period between the old and the new administrations? Sabotage? My brother, we must begin to ask questions o.”
“I agree. We must ask questions, but I insist this government needs to move faster.”
“If that is what people like you —and those still bitter that they couldn’t capture Lagos— are saying, you aren’t correct. Look, they said so when Asiwaju became governor. By the time he began to roll out his plans, he had become the toast of the city and went on to win the hearts of millions of our compatriots and the man in the street. Not so? In fact, he drew up a massive development plan and executed many projects, which the Fashola administration built on. Ambode is set to take it further and there is no doubt that he has the intellectual and physical ability to do so.”
“My brother, our people are not that patient. That is our level.”
“You’re right. They are right to be in a hurry. But governance is like building a house. After identifying your site, you call in the architect who will do the drawing, the civil engineer, the electrical engineer, the structural engineer and all other experts so that at the end of it all you will have a solid structure that can withstand the test of the elements. Ambode, I understand, has been putting structures in place.”
“What we hear is that Ambode is not spending money; he’s busy saving cash.”
“ Hmmm. You see, that is not the problem. The governor can’t spend money that is not appropriated. He will be committing an impeachable offence if he does that. We are told that the administration is doing a reordering of the budget drew up. The House of Assembly is said to be considering the request.
“Na wa o! You seem to know more than us about this government matter o. How you take do am?”
“Me? You see, my aunty’s landlord is a government man, a big politician and he briefs us whenever he returns from their meetings. We get educated about all these rumours.”
“Oh! I seeee. So, what will Ambode do about this traffic wahala? He is already doing something. LASTMA will get new equipment, including cars, and more hands will be hired. You see, Lagos has been carrying a heavy load. Thousands of people move in everyday, coming to do nothing in particular, just to seek a greener pasture at all cost and – in many cases– by all means. All amenities are overstretched, besides the security implication of having to keep an eye on more people everyday. The police are not strong enough – in terms of men – to keep the place safe from criminals. The truth of the matter is that Lagos deserves a special status. It is a city of about 20 million people. It contributes about 85 per cent of the Value Added Tax (VAT). It deserves special attention.
“Are you saying money is the problem? Haba!” And the roads?
“Not really, my brother. But Lagos can do with more cash. There should be pipe-borne water and street light everywhere. The roads are getting attention, but we must realise that some of those that are giving us hell, such as Oshodi-Apapa, which has been seized by fuel tankers, are federal roads. The others are getting attention. Agege, Ejigbo, CBD, Ikeja and many others. Some pedestrian bridges are being built and where they exist, people are being forced to use them. You see, the problem of Lagos is huge; it requires that the government should deploy its all – intellect, a rare agility that is the hallmark of youthfulness, money and experience as well as the wisdom of its leaders. Making contumelious remarks by those who would rather block the solution and become part of the problem won’t do any good.”
Dokpesi: back from a trance
RAYMOND Alegho Dokpesi has just woken up from a long trance in which he got a landmark revelation – the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) lost the last presidential election because it fielded Dr Goodluck Jonathan as its candidate.
First, it was Pa Edwin Kiagbodo Clark who said Jonathan was weak and could not fight corruption. A shocked world screamed hypocrisy, considering the filial affectation between Jonathan and Chief Clark, who called the former President his son.
Now Dokpesi. Yes, Dokpesi, the shifty politician- businessman, has chosen to ignore the log in his eyes and call attention to the speck in another man’s. I assume that you know that the high chief owns the Africa Independent Television (AIT), which ran those nauseating documentaries on then candidate Muhammadu Buhari and lent itself a handy tool for casting aspersions on some of the leading lights of the All Progressives Congress (APC). Those hate campaigns. Dokpesi’s television station ran without any consideration for decency and ethics, no doubt, contributed to the PDP’s shellacking.
But human memory is short. Dokpesi has forgotten all that. He, at a press conference on the PDP’s national conference on Tuesday, lay the blame for the party’s fall at Jonathan’s doorstep. I disagree. Did he raise any objection when Jonathan was chosen? Nigerians were simply disappointed and disenchanted by your PDP’s mediocrity and impunity.
So, dear chief, nobody is interested in those regrets of yours; keep them.
