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‘You don’t have to be a politician to impact lives’

Vera Onyeaka-Onyilo is a development communications specialist, social entrepreneur and co-founder of TheoVera Foundation. The foundation has supported several charitable causes in some parts of the country for which she has won wide acclaim both locally and internationally. In this interview with Ibrahim Apekhade Yusuf, she shares her success story thus far. Excerpts:

WINNING the Life Changers Women of Influence award in London

I feel highly honoured to be recognised for this award. It brings a great feeling when you are of service to the society without expecting anything in return and you are being appreciated. This will certainly spur me to do more in my spheres of influence.

Tell us about your organisation

I’m a development communications specialist, social entrepreneur, an advocate, co-founder of TheoVera Foundation. I work in the development sector, particularly health, governance and agricultural sectors. Our foundation caters to needs of widows and orphans, career guidance and counselling for young people, skill acquisition and financial literacy trainings for women, community outreach and advocacy. I have been involved in this endeavour for the past eight years.

Source of inspiration

I was privileged to participate in a British Council InterAction Leadership Programme in Zambia in 2007 with 22 countries participating and there I learnt about Ubuntu. Ubuntu is a Southern African term which means human kindness and is often used in a more philosophical sense to mean ‘humanity toward others.’

I was truly inspired by that conference and upon our return from Zambia, some members of the Nigerian delegation pulled our personal resources together and embarked on some community projects such as donating borehole and education materials to some communities in need in Nasarawa State and since then I have not looked back. I believe if you live for yourself you live in vain and that has been my driving force.

I would say I have enjoyed the journey so far. Though it has not been rosy all through, I see trying moments as stepping stones and opportunity for me to learn lessons.

Staying power

The difficulty of a task is not an excuse for avoiding it. My motivation is my passion for the kind of work I do. I’m passionate about making a difference; transforming lives and empowering rural communities, especially women and youth. You don’t have to be a politician to serve people. Each one of us can make an impact in the lives of others. That’s the essence and major ingredients of happiness. You can serve people at any level; it shouldn’t be the position you occupy but the people you are serving.

Challenges of humanitarian service

The major challenge has been funding. We have not had oppositions to our work and we usually collaborate with other NGOs and development partners to achieve our goals and objectives. Partnership is key for us and it has been wonderful collaborating with people of like minds making a difference.

Balancing family life, career

I must give glory to God who first of all created women as special beings and imbued us with amazing gift of multi-tasking; combining the role of helpmate, motherhood and contributor to the wellbeing of the family and society. I also thank God for giving me a good husband and family that understands and supports me. It’s not easy balancing work and home, but how well you manage this can make a significant difference to your relationship with your family. I do not take my family for granted, so I plan ahead. The key is to focus on a plan, get organised. Figure out your family’s priorities and ensure they get your attention. Don’t take office work home and use your weekends to spend quality time with your spouse and children.

Source of financeMany NGOs experience funding issues but that does not mean we should stop working for the good of the society. We would love to undertake more projects but we are constrained due to financial challenges. So we continue to strive to make impact in the society. We do receive support from some corporate organisations and technical support from donor funded projects, but it is not enough and so our personal resources go into sustaining the work of the foundation.

Beneficiaries

A lot of people have benefitted from our work directly and indirectly. About 5000 lives have been touched directly through our community outreaches, mentorship, capacity building etc. But if we want to look at our partnerships, more people have been touched. For instance, I was part of the coalition that mobilised and led about 5000 women to the National Assembly to advocate for the passage of the National Health bill that will improve healthcare system in Nigeria and benefit the people, especially women and children. The bill was passed, signed into law and is now the National Health Act.

Projections for the next five years

I see us getting bigger, expanding our frontiers, transforming more lives.

Women in leadership

Women are doing well in all spheres of endeavour even as leaders, but the challenge has remained getting more women into leadership positions. I am an advocate for equal opportunities, rights, resources etc for men and women because I believe women have what it takes to contribute to sustainable development of the society. We need to have more women take up political leadership. 55 years after independence, we are yet to have a woman elected as a governor, president or vice-president in Nigeria. I am writing a book on women and elective politics in Nigeria, which by God’s grace will be published later in the year. We need to get more women into the highest level of leadership as that is where decisions on issues affecting both men and women are made. There needs to be continued advocacy on the part of women on leadership issues in the society, disproving the age-old beliefs and advocating a new paradigm shift. I also want to emphasise mentoring of emerging women leaders. It is the responsibility of women leaders to mentor younger women, so that when they quit the stage, they will have effective representatives to carry on the mantle of leadership.

Women education is paramount if there should be meaningful progress towards women empowerment. Education is very key. The late Madiba, Dr Nelson Mandela, once said education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world. We need to tackle the problem from the root, educate the girl-child to the highest level and she is equipped and has the chance of a better life and achieve her God-given talents. For women who were not opportune to get formal education, they can still learn vocational skills which will help them earn a living. Government needs to create an enabling policy environment that would enable women access credit to grow their business. We need to consider quota system and affirmative action in women political empowerment, also Information Communication Technology, mentoring and networking, among others.

Idea of mentorship

Mentoring is very important to raise good and strong women leaders. My first role model is my mum who taught me early in life what it means and takes to be a virtuous woman and not to think of myself alone but to render selfless service for the good of others. My other role models include Dora Akunyili of blessed memory, Liberian President, Ellen Johnson-Sirleaf, who is the first female in Africa to be elected as president. I met her in 1997 when she visited Lagos and I was inspired by that encounter. I have also received mentoring from women like Mrs Moji Makanjuola, Mrs Felicia Sani whom I fondly call “mama market”, especially for her mobilising skills, the Country Rep of International Fund for Agricultural Development (IFAD), Ms Atsuko Toda, I have learnt a lot from her leadership and management style.

Hobbies

I enjoy travelling to rural communities, especially to work with women and youth, reading, writing, listening to music, nature lover and adventure, playing table-tennis, football.

I am a very humorous person. In my family, we crack jokes a lot and so no dull moment. At times, when I am under pressure and stressed, rather than cry I just begin to smile or laugh and it helps me relieve the burdens in my heart.

Lasting legacy

I want to be remembered as an advocate, a change agent who contributed to the development of our fatherland in many ways, be it in the health sector, agric sector, politics and international development.

Last word

Don’t give up. It’s never late, so keep hope alive and you will get to your destination! Look at President Buhari, after four attempts at the presidency, he achieved his dream becoming Nigeria’s current president at 72! No matter your age, you can still make it if you remain focus.

September 20, 2015
Guinness, Oregbeni community: Looking beyond business, impacting lives

Experts in the field of Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR) have described community engagement as the continuing commitment by businesses to behave ethically and contribute to economic development. It is also generally inferred that CSR is about giving back to the society.

However, there are some organisations that go beyond the primary objective of making profits for their shareholders to build capacity for sustainable livelihoods in the communities. One outstanding example of such an organisation is Guinness Nigeria.

Diageo,Guinness Nigeria’s parent company, recently released its sustainability and responsibility targets for 2020 which succinctly lay out the company’s plans for tackling issues in three key areas – leading the alcohol in society discourse, building thriving communities and reducing environmental impact. In its statement to announce the 2020 targets, the company said: “At Diageo we believe celebrating life, every day, everywhere means to make the most of life – to be the best you can be at work, at home, with friends, in the community, and for the community. We want our people to progress and fulfil their potential and our company to be a leader, to always make a positive contribution to society, to create shared value, wherever we work.”

A company that thinks like this cannot but make the right connections at global and local levels to ensure these targets are achieved. In Nigeria, the development projects the company has embarked upon in Oregbeni, the host community for its Benin brewery in Edo State, Nigeria typifies this approach.

Over the years, the company has shown its commitment to community development by consistently attending a monthly all-parties meeting,held to discuss critical issues aimed at strengthening existing relationships and the developmental challenges facing the community. It was through this meeting and further consultations that key areas of need and intervention for the Oregbeni community development were highlighted.

Top on the priority of the list of interventions was the construction of three major roads for the community. The roads are Igiesota, Ighodalo and Iyoha roads. Igiesota and Ighodalo roads have both been constructed with side drains and walk ways.Phase one of Iyoha, which is the longest road among the three has been completed and was commissioned by the Executive Governor of Edo State, Comrade Adams Oshiomhole on 14th November, 2013. The Governorwas pleased with the quality of the construction work carried out on the road that he enthusiastically decided to rename it Guinness Way. Plans to commence the second phase of the construction work on the road are underway.

Beyond roads, another pillar of Guinness Nigeria’s CSR thrust is education. From the renovation of the only Primary School in the community to providing scholarships to Oregbeni indigenes.

The importance of foundational education was well captured by the renowned America educational philosopher, Richard M. Hutchins who said “the object of education is to prepare the young to educate themselves throughout their lives.” This is what makes the example of the primary school of particular interest because before the renovation, the school was bedeviled by a barrage of problems ranging from bad roofs, defaced walls to broken windows and doors and lacked basic amenities such as toilet facilities and perimeter fencing of the school compound.

The company ploughed a huge sum of money into the renovation effort changing the entire roofs of the school, painting of the entire school buildings, fencing of the school compound for security, replacement of broken doors and windows as well as provision of toilet facilities for both staff and pupils of the school. In addition to the renovation of the school, the organisation provided an overhead tank for water supply to the school and donated textbooks and notebooks to the school.

Critical to the success of any community initiative is the commitment and ownership of said initiative by indigenes and Guinness Nigeria ensured this by awarding the contract for the renovation to the indigenes after following due process of bidding for the project there by providing employment for a significant number of residents.

Beyond education, Guinness Nigeria and Diageo have a commitment to “reduce water use through a 50percent improvement in water use efficiency as well as return 100percent of waste water from our operations to the environment safely.” In Oregbeni community,the company installed a water treatment plant in 2007 consisting of two giant reservoirs with standby 20 KVA Generator to complement public power supply.Guinness also supplies diesel every month with backup services and has provided a paid operator to ensure constant water supply to the community.

The relationship between Guinness and the community appears to be the poster child for community-business relations.

August 28, 2015
Our dramatic escape from Boko Haram bombs, bullets that claimed 50 lives

Jos, the Plateau State capital, recorded its 4th multiple bomb attacks last Sunday night. YUSUFU AMINU IDEGU x-rays the unique nature of the last set of attacks.

The attacks on a restaurant and a mosque in Jos, Plateau State capital, which left more than 50 people dead and 48 others injured on Sunday, was one attack too many. The Plateau State capital is fast building a reputation as the city of multiple bombings after the first experience on December 24, 2010. On that eve of Christmas, multiple explosions occurred simultaneously at Angwa Rukuba and Kabong communities in Jos North Local Government Area of the state. The ones carried out on a mosque and a restaurant would be the fourth multiple bombing in Jos city. These are besides suicide bomb attacks on worshippers in churches or on markets and viewing centres, among others.

Not a few residents of the city doubted the story when the news of Sunday’s explosions broke. Since it occurred at about 10 pm, it was unthinkable to start rushing to the scene. Only security agencies and officials of National Emergency Management Agency (NEMA) could do so. The twin explosions were unique in the sense that the explosion aimed at worshippers in a mosque on Dilimi Street was accompanied with gunshots. The state police command described the shooting as rapid and sporadic.

The attack was also unique in the sense that the casualties were mostly children and teenagers. That much was evident in the faces of the victims on admission at various hospitals in Jos. In the Izala mosque at Dilimi, there were as many children on the night of the attacks as there were adults, listening to the Tapsir (sermon) delivered by a famous Islamic scholar, Sheikh Sani Yahaya Jingre, the leader of JIBWIS Islamic sect.

Many of the children and teenagers were shattered by the explosion, while many of others were shot dead and others escaped with gunshot wounds. Eleven-year-old Ibrahim Umar, who escaped with gunshot wounds and was being treated at the Plateau State Specialist Hospital, said: “I was feeling sleepy while the sermon was going on, so I went home to sleep. But my mother said I should go back and remain there till the end of the preaching because my mates were still there. I went back and after a short time, the gunmen came.”

Another 13-year-old boy, Mustapha Isah, said: “I was so tired after breaking my fast, so I slept off during the preaching inside the mosque only to be woken up by the sound of gunshots. I was confused and I didn’t know where to run to. As I was just coming out of the mosque, a bullet caught my shoulder and I fell down only to find myself on the hospital bed the next day.”

An adult victim, Abubakar Abubakar (35), was also lucky to discover himself at the Plateau Specialist Hospital the next day. He said he did not know how he got to the hospital. His tummy was ripped open with bullet and doctors had to stitch it. “I went to the mosque with my two children for the sermon, but I don’t know where they are now,” he said.

•11-year-old Ibrahim Umar

The various hospitals in the city have had to contend with more victims than they can accommodate. At Plateau Specialist Hospital in Jos, many of the injured victims had to be put on bare floor because there was no more bed space. Facilities at the casualty section were also over-stretched. Many of the wounded victims required surgery for the removal of bullets from their bodies, but there were not enough medical experts to do that.

Medical doctors had to be mobilised from wherever was possible. The Nigeria Medical Association (NMA) in the state had to send appeals through the media and also made phone calls to its members to come to the hospital and help to save lives.

The day after the attacks, many people stormed the hospital searching for their loved ones and praying for those undergoing surgery to get the bullets out of their bodies. Distraught mothers were all over the hospital, creating a scene that looked like a market setting.

At the mortuary section of the hospital, it was wailing and mourning as trucks and ambulances were brought in to evacuate bodies for burial. Some other family members were busy going around the various hospitals to locate their own. People ran into one another in confusion as they moved from one hospital to the other. The event simply turned the entire city upside down.

A lucky survivor, Jibrilu Shuaibu, said: “The children were mostly affected because at the time the attackers came, it was already past 9 pm. Naturally, the children were already dosing off. So, when the attackers started with gunshots and people were running, the children became confused. They had just woken up from sleep and did not understand what was going on around them. Some of them were even running in the direction of the attackers. That, I think, was why they formed the bulk of the casualties.”

It was difficult to say which of the attacks was more pathetic; the one at the mosque targeted at worshippers or the one at the restaurants, targeted at people who were having their dinner. The one at the restaurant was like the story of the last supper. The people were having their dinner without any premonition of the calamity that was about to befall them. Some of them had already been served and had begun to enjoy their chosen meals. Others were on the queue with plates in their hands, waiting to be served. The female attendants were busy attending to customers who needed extra food or extra meat, as well as those requiring drinking water.

Unknown to them, a suicide bomber was in the midst of the more than 30 people, watching everybody. Then all of a sudden, the bomber shouted “Alahu akbar!” and detonated the bomb. Of course, only one person inside the hall survived. Both the attendants and the customers were blown out of life.

A lucky man, who had only left the restaurant two minutes before the explosion occurred, said: “There were up to 20 people who had already been served and were eating in the restaurant. I was among the people waiting to be served, and there were about 10 of us. I left in annoyance to find an alternative place to eat. As soon as I stepped out, I heard a very loud sound and the impact of it threw me on the ground because I was only about 20 metres away. When I recovered from the shock, I realised that only one of the people I left in the restaurant had survived.

“I could not believe it when I saw the same people I had seen eating a few minutes ago lying dead in pools of blood. I thought I was watching a horror movie.”

The Muslim worshippers at the mosque were in the holy month of Ramadan and were listening to Ramadan sermon, not knowing that some people were planning to terminate their lives that same night. As they were planning to conclude the day’s sermon, the attackers came in a dramatic fashion and all hell was let loose. Most of them never lived to complete the 30-day fasting.

An eye witness, Yahaya Musa, said: “We were listening to a sermon being delivered by Sheikh Sani Yahaya Jingre himself. His sermon usually attracts hundreds of followers, including the young and the old. This time around, there were no fewer than 300 worshippers in the mosque listening to his sermon.

“The sermon was almost over and the Sheikh was about to say the closing prayers when all of a sudden, we heard sporadic gunshots. We rushed out of the mosque only to discover that we were under attack. The next thing was to think of how to escape. Initially, we all lay down. But after a while, when the gunmen were coming too close, we decided to get up and run as fast as we could. I am even surprised that I escaped. Many of my friends could not.”

A member of First Aid Group, Zekeri Mahmud, said: “What happened was that the gunmen came in a Hilux van. We had mounted serious security to check whoever was coming for the sermon but the gunmen came in a Hilux van and stopped at the roadside. Three of them alighted from the car and opened fire on the security guards.

“Then they headed straight to the mosque. While they were shooting at the worshippers, some security guards decided to confront them. One of us grabbed one of the gunmen by the waist but another gunman shot him dead immediately. The worshippers decided to rush towards them, not knowing that the gunmen were also carrying explosives. They threw the bomb into the crowd and disappeared within in the twinkling of an eye.”

Meanwhile, National Assembly members from Plateau State have condemned the attacks on the Muslim community in Jos, describing the twin explosions as wicked. The member representing Barkin Ladi/Riyom Federal Constituency in the House of Representatives, Hon. Istifanus Gyang, on Monday strongly condemned the attack by terrorists on Da-lo memorial college Foron in Barkin Ladi Local Government Area, Plateau State, in which two students were brutally killed.

The representative, who equally condemned the twin bomb attacks in the Jos metropolis on Sunday night, said: “No words are strong enough to condemn the cruelty and brutality of these incessant attacks on our people.”

He expressed sadness over the attacks which came barely two weeks after he moved a motion on the floor of the House calling on the Federal Government to intensify security arrangements in his constituency due to the constant attacks.

He noted that the terror attacks in Jos, which targeted worshipers in a mosque, revealed that the terrorists have no respect for creed. Gyang, who described the attack as inhuman and must be condemned by every Nigerian, especially by the political leadership of the country, hoped for speedy eradication of terrorism and extremism in the country.

He observed that all efforts at peace building were being impeded by the terror attacks. He again appealed to President Muhammadu Buhari to strengthen the security arrangements, especially at schools, places of worship and vulnerable communities and soft targets.

I.D Gyang prayed for those who lost their lives, expressed sympathies with the bereaved families in Jos and Da-lo memorial school communities.

Senator Jonah Jang, representing Plateau North Senatorial Zone and Hon Edward Pwajok representing Jos South/Jos East in the House of Representatives, have also joined sympathisers to condemn the attacks.

Governor Lalong, who personally inspected the attacked mosque in Dilimi and visited those receiving treatment in the hospitals, expressed deep sympathy with the Muslim community and promised that he would ensure that the security agencies fished out those behind the attacks.

A Jos based non-governmental organisation, known as APURIMAC ONLUS, has also condemned the attacks on Jos. The director of the NGO in Jos, Godwin Okoko, who reacted to the attack in a statement, said: “The attacks were coming at the peak period of the Ramadan season and targeted at the Muslim faithful is purely a wicked act by enemies of the state and enemies of progress.”

A coalition of Christian Youths on the Plateau (CYP) has also expressed their sympathy and condemned the attacks. The group, who also condemned the attacks on two churches shortly after the twin blast, said but for God’s intervention, the situation would have turned into another religious crisis.

The chairman of the group, Evangelist Joshua John Ringsum, who stated this in a press conference in Jos yesterday, said: “Majority of casualties in the twin bomb attacks are youths of the state, which makes the situation a major loss to the entire state.

Evangelist Ringsum said: “These victims are without doubt leaders of tomorrow who are great assets to the state and the country at large.”

While commiserating with the immediate family members and relations of the victims of the bomb blasts, the group also condemned the reprisal attacks in Barkin-Ladi, Riyom, Wase and Langtang South local government areas of the state as a result of the bomb blasts.

It appealed to the youths not to take the law in to their hands, saying the group was making efforts towards addressing issues of violence among the youth as well as unemployment, HIV/AIDS and the vigorous crusade against illicit alcoholic drinks.”

July 11, 2015
Lives at risk as Medical Centre staff battle

The situation is dicey at the Federal Medical Centre, Owerri. Patients are gasping for breath while health workers protest the plan to privatise the hospital. OKODILI NDIDI reports

The Federal Medical Centre, Owerri, seems to have become one huge facility housing disgruntled, workers. Members of various Labour unions have since laid down their tools and taken up banners of battle against the hospital management over plans to privatise the facility.

Patients, denied medical care, are suffering. Those in intensive care are harder hit, their lives on the line as the protest lasts.

The grievance of the health workers is the plan by the management to privatise critical units of the hospital.

In order to compel the management to rescind its plan, the health workers resorted to endless protests, which have crippled activities at the Centre.

The workers who ignored the plea of the suffering patients, said the action was to bring the “anti-people” plot of the Medical Director, Dr. Angela Uwakwem and members of the board to the knowledge of the President-elect and other requisite authorities in the health sector.

They argued that “the decision to outsource or privatise the pharmacy and laboratory units of the hospital at the tail end of the present administration is suspicious and not in good fate”.

The aggrieved unionists, who displayed placards with various inscriptions like ‘Don’t sell FMC to corrupt contractors’, ‘PPP is fraud of the highest order’, ‘Hospital drugs not for commercialisation’, ‘they want to sell us and buy us’, among others, disclosed that the MD had already leased out the mortuary, laundry, security and transport units and is plotting to privatize the entire hospital if nothing is done.

One of the Union leaders, Comrade Nwokedi Samuel, said that every Unit of the hospital is performing creditably well so the reason cited by the management for the planned privatization is untrue.

He said, “The issue of selling the pharmacy is already before the Board but our question is why they are in a hurry to outsource the units now. Our worry is not all about us but the poor patients who may not be able to pay for the services thereafter. So we say no to leasing, outsourcing, privatization or whatever name it is called it is a fraud and we will resist it”.

He called on President-elect General Muhammadu Buhari to investigate the move by the outgoing Medical Director and her team.

Apparently piqued by the stiff resistance to its plan, the management queried the union leaders who coordinated the protests, apparently to discourage the struggle but this further incensed the workers, who perceived the action as the height of intimidation.

Following the development, the determined union leaders completely shut down activities at the hospital by announcing a-three-day warning strike, preceded by massive protests that left patients and visitors scampering for safety.

The protesters who were dressed in black attires, marched round the premises, displaying placards with inscriptions such as, ‘We are tired of intimidation by management’, ‘ Withdraw the query given to our leaders’, ‘We say no to PPP’, ‘We need our 2013/2014 promotion arrears’ and ‘Buhari, please come to our rescue’, among others.

Addressing reporters, one of the union leaders and chairman of the Nigerian Union of Allied Health Professionals (NUAHP), Comrade Ezeugwu Clifford, listed the grievances of the workers to include the non-payment of the 2013/2014 promotion arrears, which he said has been released to the management of the hospital, issuance of query to the Union leaders over their position on the plan to lease out some units of the hospital by the Management led by the Medical Director, Dr. Angela Uwakwem.

He also disclosed that as part of measures to press home their demands, the workers have embarked on a three-day warning strike, “we are going to apply the work-to-rule for three days as warning, this means that the workers will come to work but will not attend to any patient or do any kind of work.

“We are strongly opposing the plan to privatize the hospital because when this happens, many patients will die because they can’t afford the charges and already as we speak, FMC Owerri is the most expensive government hospital in the country”.

Another union leader, Comrade Dr. Stanley Emegwara, said, “The summary of our protest is that the management should pay all the benefits accruing to the workers and to withdraw all queries issued to our union leaders, which were meant to weaken the struggle against the plan to privatize the hospital”.

Emegwara, who faulted the charge of inefficiency and lack of accountability by the management as the reason for the planned privatisation, noted that, “the claim that we are inefficient by the management is unfounded. Our private investigations showed that FMC Owerri is one of the best performing government hospitals in Nigeria and the only three grounds provided for the privatization of government firm are inefficiency, unaccountability and lack of transparency”.

It would be recalled that at a time during similar protests, the management in defiance to the demands of striking workers hired ad hoc staff to keep the hospital running.

However when contacted who the Medical Director denied any plan by the management to privatize or outsource the entire hospital.

She insisted that, “what we are doing is a Public Private Partnership (PPP) to make our services more efficient. For instance we just built a new laboratory and we need partners to equip it because we don’t have the resources. We are not sacking anybody because we are providing the Staff and building so they don’t need to be afraid”.

She added further that, “the measure we have taken is in the best interest of the hospital but they are afraid because some of their excesses will be curtailed. On the issue of their promotion arrears the management is not withholding the funds as alleged, we are yet to get the money and it is not peculiar with FMC Owerri”.

Meanwhile stranded patients have appealed to the warring factions to shield their swords for humanity sake. According to them the health conditions have deteriorated since the crisis started.

Mr. Stanford Ikuru, an accident victim, lamented that his wounds have not been treated in the last one week.

He said, “We are the ones suffering as a result of this crisis. Nobody has attended to me and several others in the last one week so we are appealing to the management to resolve whatever crisis they have with the union and save us from further trouble”.

Another patient, Mrs. Grace Ilechukwu, described the situation as traumatizing, “if you go to the wards you cannot stand the odour because no one is cleaning up the wards. The labs and pharmacies are no more working the patients now go to the open market to buy their drugs”.

May 22, 2015
Re: Fleeing for their lives

In this column last week, I wrote on the title “Fleeing for their lives”. The article which came a few days before the now rescheduled general elections, had examined the seeming tension generated by events of that election. The tension was such that non-indigenes were reported to be fleeing to their ancestral homes for fear that harm my come their way.

The matter generated so much concern that the Inspector General of Police had to intervene, reassuring the people of the capacity and preparedness of the security agencies to protect them wherever they may live. The summation of his message was that people should remain wherever they are as the security of their lives and property were assured.

The article had appraised that assurance and its capacity to assuage the sensibilities of those fleeing. We had also looked at the phenomenon of people fleeing to their home states for fear of being attacked by their hosts; what these portends for nation-building and whether the outcome of the coming elections will have any direct bearing in redressing this fear.

The summation of our position was that those things that give rise to the feeling that indigenes will vent their spleen on non-indigenes at the slightest provocation are the greatest challenges holding this country down. And as long as we have not shown any serious commitment to addressing them, so long will the problems of this country remain a recurring decimal.

Elections may be won and lost. Those who win or lose may not make any real difference if there is little or no commitment on their own part to consign this “us versus them” syndrome to the dustbin of history. Our fears were heightened by the fact that the coming elections are rather raising these fears of insecurity, ethnic and primordial sensibilities to an all time high. The language of political discourse has not helped matters as we are inundated with threats from various groups and ethnic nationalities on the dire consequences that await the nation should one of theirs in the race for the presidency fail to win that election. So much have these threats raised fears that there are now speculations that this country may implode after the elections. And we ask, is election an end unto itself or a means to satisfy public good. If it is to attend to public good, why are people fleeing to their ancestral lands? And can we really build a united nation when these ethnic and primordial sensibilities have been reinforced by the unbridled quest by the constituent units for power at the center.

One of my readers Adeniyi Akintola SAN was so moved by the issues raised by that write-up that he took time to send me text messages on his views on the matter. I found the views so serious and challenging that they are reproduced here for the benefit of the reading public. Now read on:

“Fleeing they are and they will continue to flee. As it is today, it would be tomorrow until we embrace the two basic gifts to the world by the French which are assimilation and integration”. When you assimilate and integrate into the local culture without looking back into your biological origin, you blend easily and become one of the locals. A Yoruba man living in Enugu who takes delight in celebrating the Oro festival is courting trouble ditto an Igbo resident who loves celebrating new yam or Ofala festival in Lagos has unwittingly set himself apart as a stranger for the day of trouble. The north-western part of the country is a model place of assimilation. The Abubakar Rimis, the Abacha’s, the Abdulkareems and the Adamus, etc assimilated very well into the culture of their place of birth and place of settlement. They propagate the interests and ethos of their place of abode and in some cases became more Catholic than the Pope in defending the interests and aspirations of their locals and their hosts.

They respect the interests and wishes of the locals and never at any time showed any sign of superiority complex over their hosts. They assumed local names and imbibed their traditions. They never at any time looked back at their so-called place of origin. They bid bye, bye to the anachronistic town unions of their places of origin and before long became locals and indigenes of their places of abode. Before long, they were becoming governor in Sokoto, Kano and Kaduna. These people have no other towns, states or region they can flee to.

In contrast, take a look at the settlement pattern of the ethnic nationalities in cities other their ancestral places. They set themselves apart. You hear of Sabo, Sabongari, Alaba, Nassarawa, Gwom and Janpanu in cities as Ibadan, Kano, Lagos, Jos and Sokoto. By these segregated settlements, the ethnic nationalities made themselves sitting duck in the event of the outbreak of violence.

The locals know where the non indigenes reside in large numbers. Most non indigenes monopolize certain trades at the expense of the locals and in some cases the locals are prevented or banned from engaging in those lines of trade. Of course the locals get bottled up and wait for the slightest opportunity for violence to descend on the “outsiders” most of who could have been third or fourth generation settlers.

The truth is that your 200 years of settlement outside the place of your origin is not a safety valve. If in doubt, ask the Yorubas of Jos, the Igbos of Kano and the Hausas of Onitsha. Outside Nigeria, ask the British Asians of Uganda, the British farmers of Zimbabwe or even the Nigerian of Yoruba extraction in Ghana in the sixties. Even as late as 2013, the Mayor of London was heard complaining of the overbearing and domineering attitude of Nigerian settlers in South East London.

Yet some Nigerians especially of Yoruba extraction are fourth, fifth or even sixth generation settlers there. But the fact remains that their respect for the locals are waning and their domineering attitudes are becoming too glaring to be condoned by the locals. The Pakistanis of East London just like their Nigerian counterparts are no better. This has made the British authorities to be paying more than a passing interest to these “settlers”. The Aborigines of Australia are now becoming more vocal and a threat to the settlers. All over the world, the trend is to go local. Every one is a local champion. The antidote to this madness is to assimilate with the locals. Eat their food, wear their clothes, imbibe their culture and possibly religion, assume the local names, shun tribal associations and affiliations of ancestral homes and build a nation of common interest instead of that of ethnic nationalities. After all if you are in Rome you behave like a Roman. Those who think they can defend themselves in another man’s territory are deluding themselves.

Ask the white South Africans of the apartheid era, the British Asian of Uganda or better still the Yorubas or Igbos of Jos and Kano respectively. They had their noses bruised and seriously too during the various attacks on “outsiders” in 2001, 2002, 2003 and up till 2011.

The security system that could not guarantee the safety of the INEC and the electorate cannot be trusted with the lives of helpless settlers who are scattered around the nooks and corners of this country. If you are a settler or outsider assimilate fast or get perished with your investments in foreign land. For now, fleeing, we must all. To your tents all settlers until we meet after the April elections”.

February 16, 2015
Fleeing for their lives

All things being equal, the Presidential and National Assembly elections will hold this Saturday. There is no cogent reason they should not hold despite suggestions from some quarters that they be postponed due to the inability of the INEC to get all registered voters their Permanent Voters Cards (PVCs)

By now, so much has been put into the elections by the various political parties and their candidates that any further delay will amount to overstretching them both financially and physically. Apart from the wrong signals it will definitely send to the outside world, such a scenario is bound to demoralise not only the candidates but the electorate generally.

The opposition, for justifiable reasons is imputing sinister motives into the development and it is within it rights to do so. The National Council of State has met over the issue. But the buck has stopped at INECs table. The right thing to do in the circumstance is for all those concerned, to do the needful and ensure that all impediments to the smooth conduct of the polls as scheduled are removed.

Already, the political atmosphere has been heated up. There is even apprehension and fear in the land that the worst is about to happen. The feeling is high that the coming elections may make or mar this country. Postponing the polls in this very uncertain circumstance may be the last straw that will break the camel’s back. The authorities may be playing into the hands of those simulating calamity for this country if they go ahead with such a plan. But as it stands, the INEC will have to take responsibility should the election be bungled. That appears to be the unwritten message from the National Council of State meeting.

Moreover, aborting the elections now will be a sad reminder to the inglorious days of the military when elections were postponed, annulled or cancelled all together even when results had been collated. The Ibrahim Babangida regime had an uncanny notoriety in this regard. And we are all witnesses to the unmitigated damage which such precipitate action wrought on our collective psyche. The problem this country still encounters in the area of power shift is in the main, a logical consequence of such misguided interventions in our political process. We can ill-afford a repeat at this point in time.

That however, is not the only source of the foreboding signals that have enveloped the nation. The outcome of the elections, especially the presidential election, is fraught with frightening prospects for the peace order and unity of this country. It has come to mean so many things to so many people. The stakes are very high as sections lay claim to that office as a matter of right and none would let go.

The question on the lips of the discerning is whether this country will survive as a corporate entity after the polls. The situation is not made any easier by the utterances and threats from sundry groups and individuals laying claims to the rights of their zones to occupy that exalted office this time around. Tension and fear have been so much so that we are now regularly inundated with reports of non-indigenes fleeing their residences to their ancestral homes for fear of what is to follow with the elections.

They fear that given the high emotions that have been ruffled by events leading to the elections and the benefit of previous experiences, it is nigh risky to stay outside the place of their primordial attachment during elections. By the same logic, they seem to be saying that it is only within their states of origin that their lives and property can be guaranteed. And this point goes without saying.

The Inspector General of Police was so concerned by reports of the exodus of people especially the northern parts of the country that he had to come public reassuring that measures had been put in place to guarantee their safety wherever they live. The police boss has discharged his duties. But it is left to the people who are fleeing to their home states to believe him or not. It is left to them given the benefit of hindsight to believe whether the police had been a trusted and readily available friend in incidences of mob action and urban violence. The way they perceive their previous encounters with religious or political uprisings will point the direction as to whether they should take the police boss serious or not. And if one may hazard a guess, they are very unlikely to heed his advice and assurances. That is the stark reality.

But that is the real problem this country has to contend with rather than this obsession with which section of the country captures power in the coming elections. That thing which regularly gives rise to the feeling that one is only safe and his live and property better assured within his ethnic origin is the real problem of this country.

It can neither be whittled down nor obliterated by the mere fact of an Ijaw or Hausa-Fulani man emerging victorious in this crucial election. Rather, such feelings are further reinforced and accentuated when elections are fought along ethnic and religious lines as is evident from the current one. It is therefore not enough to ask those fleeing not to do so. It is not also enough to give assurances of their safety when the real causes of their fear are still there.

Those things that make non-indigenes unsafe outside the boundaries of their ethnic origin, those things that mark them out for selective attack each time their hosts feel aggrieved, are the greatest impediment to our national development. They are the things to watch if we are honest with ourselves. And they will continue to be so unless genuine and conscious efforts are made to redress these systemic dysfunctions.

In the past, we have seen non-indigenes suffer heavy losses in lives and property because of mere cartoons in other countries considered irreverent to the faith of some fanatics. It does not matter to the perpetrators and purveyors of violence and hate that those they attack had nothing to do with the said cartoons or alleged acts of ridicule to their faith. It is this unjustifiable penchant for such people to resort to the law of the jungle that compels non-indigenes to flee each time they notice potential sources of schism.

Most of those fleeing are not in doubt that though their ethnic group is not in a direct contest for the presidential slot, they stand the greatest victims of any violence that will follow the outcome of that election. And with threats of dire consequences coming from right, left and centre, the circumstance of those fleeing can be better appreciated.

The Catholic Bishop of Abuja Cardinal John Onaiyekan and the Sultan of Sokoto Alhaji Sa’ad Abubakar were so moved by these fears that they had to issue a joint statement warning that unless urgent steps were taken, the elections might spell crisis for this country. They also warned that religion should not be allowed to divide the country. These warnings are very instructive and are at the root of why people are fleeing.

Implicit in them, is the negative role religion and ethnicity are bound to play in determining the character and direction of the elections. These are the real irritants to contend with. They are at the heart of the progress or lack of it of this country. Elections may be fought and won. But as long as these factors remain irreducible decimals in electoral contests in this country, so long shall this country know no peace.

February 9, 2015
Mission to save lives

Members of the Pharmaceutical Association of Nigeria Students (PANS), the University of Benin (UNIBEN) chapter, have marked their 35th annual Health Week with a sensitisation rally and donation of free drugs to residents of the institution’s host community. EZEKIEL EFEOBHOKHAN (300-Level Pharmacy) reports.

The Uselu Market in Benin City, Edo State capital, received unusual visitors last Monday. Commercial activities were halted for more than two hours when Pharmacy students of the University of Benin (UNIBEN) hosted the traders to a talk show on health and hygiene.

The students, under the aegis of Pharmaceutical Association of Nigerian Students (PANS), have marked their 35th annual Health Week. They sensitised the market women on preventable ailments, such as malaria, ulcer and Ebola. They also held free medical check ups and distributed drugs free to the traders.

The event started with a walk round the Ugbowo Campus, during which the students enlightened their colleagues on how to stay healthy and free the campus of diseases. They moved to the institution’s host community of Oluku, where they gave free drugs to the residents.

Addressing a crowd of market women in Pidgin English, Ehidiamen Olobor, a 300-Level student, told them to improve their eating habit. He explained why they must sleep well and eat at the right time to prevent the acid in the stomach from corroding the stomach lining, which causes ulcer.

“I beg, make una dey sleep well well. Also, as una dey sell food so, make una dey use the food wen una dey sell take care of una self. So, una no go get ulcer,” he said.

Ehidiamen also told the women to avoid stagnant water from their environment and practise hygiene to prevent anopheles mosquitoes from causing malaria. After the talk, he distributed the drugs to the market women.

Praising the students for the health education, a trader, who simply gave her name as Mrs Osaiyi, said: “I thank God for the pharmacy students wey come educate us and give us medicine to treat malaria. I go try eat and sleep well well so that I no go fall sick.”

The PANS President, Samuel Ugwumba, said the spate of malaria in the southern part of the country inspired the sensitisation rally to enlighten the people and check preventable deaths. “This event was held in memory of our colleague, Hulera Momoh, a 500-Level student, who died from ulcer complications. We took it upon us to educate students and members of the host community about the disease,” he said.

The chairperson of the event’s planning committee, Dianne Ofeimun, praised companies that sponsored the event through donation of drugs and other medical equipment.

She said: “We are grateful to Emzor Pharmaceuticals, Big Joe Waters, Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation (NNPC) Hospital and Notre Dam Water for providing drugs for the event. They have touched the lives of the people in Benin City.”

Meanwhile, the Anti-Drug Misuse and Abuse Programme (ADMAP), an arm of the association, held another rally to enlighten female students on Ugbowo Campus on the importance of keeping their body hygienic. The rally took place at the car park of the Hall 1, a female hostel.

Speaking to the audience, the ADMAP chairperson, Jennifer Otakhor, told the students that being hygienic was the only way to maintain a healthy body and good reproductive cycle.

She said: “There is nothing like toilet disease; we all have to take proper care of ourselves and the environment we live in. We are supposed to use the right soap to wash our most intimate parts. The use of medicated soaps affects the natural body and can lead to infections.”

ADMAP recommended Lactasyd, a special soap used by women in washing their intimate parts. The group also carried out free medical checks on the students, checking their blood pressure, weight and height determination, Body Mass Index (BMI) and malaria status.

Speaking to CAMPUSLIFE, a student from the Faculty of Science, Success Idele, said: “Pharmacy students are wonderful people among us. I now know that there is nothing like a toilet disease but good hygiene is all that is needed to be free of diseases. This is free education from our colleagues.”

October 16, 2014
‘This bridge is saving our lives’

31-years after the Ogun State House of Assembly passed a resolution calling for the construction of a flyover across the Sagamu-Benin Expressway at Mobalufon junction in Ijebu-Ode, the bridge has finally been built –– to the relief of motorists and pedestrians. ERNEST NWOKOLO reports.

Princess Titilayo, daughter of the reigning monarch of Igbekebo in Ese – Odo Local Government Area of Ondo State, His Royal Highness, Oba Emmanuel Egbukuyomi, heaved a sigh of relief and joy recently when told by a friend that a fly – over bridge now runs across the Sagamu – Ore Expressway at the chaotic and treacherous Mabolufon junction in Ijebu Ode, Ogun State

Titilayo who is married with a kid, said the building of the bridge was a long overdue life – saving intervention for cyclists, pedestrians, motorists, commuters and street traders. She said:”that is nice. Whoever conceived the idea and executed it must be lauded for his concern for the safety of road users and smooth traffic flow that would now be engendered by it.

“People coming from Ijebu -Ode town and going to either Ondo or Eastern part of the country or Ikorodu in Lagos State, would not have to cross that expressway again directly at a grave risk to their lives. Also, those coming from either Ondo, Ikorodu or in the direction of Sagamu would not have to cross it before veering into the Ijebu – Ode town.

“The flyover would have come handy to save travellers’ lives, that of the pedestrian and street traders. Many travellers, street traders and cyclists have died there while some survivors are living with one form of impairment or the other.”

Titilayo, an English teacher at a public Secondary school in Lagos state, is neither an Ogun state indigene nor does she lives in Ijebu – Ode but it is understandable why she is enthusiastic about the flyover.

Barely out of the secondary school about 12 years ago, providence saved her from losing her life in a fatal accident at the Mabolufon junction but she bears scars that served as constant reminder of that dreadful experience.

”It was an incident I can’t forget. It was a trailer that collided with my bike, far back in 2002 at Ijebu – Ode Expressway (Mabolufon junction),” she had told The Nation.

It happened that Princess had paid a visit to her sister who is married to a lecturer at the state – owned Olabisi Onabanjo University (OOU), Ago – Iwoye, and after spending some days, decided on November 2nd, 2002, to return to her Igbekebo home town in Ondo.

On arriving at the Lagos Garage, Ijebu – Ode from Ijebu – Igbo, she boarded a commercial motorcycle to Mabolufon junction where she would take a bus for the onward journey to the Sunshine state and while the cyclist tarried at the junction to enable speeding vehicles going in the direction of Lagos from the East pass before crossing the expressway, a lurching danger turned up around 1:30pm: a truck that lost control roared from the rear and swept her and the cyclist away as well as others equally waiting to cross the highway.

When the dust finally settled, about a dozen of persons, including postgraduate students of OOU, were crushed to death when the truck fell on them but Princess and a few others survived.

Narrating it, she said: “When I returned to the scene to see if I could see some of my items, I discovered that the truck had pulverised the bike, I saw on the ground, particles of brains from crushed skulls and I don’t know if the bike man that carried me made it as ten dead bodies were removed from the spot.”

Experiences like the one above had happened before 2002 and had also continued to occur ever after, even on a more scaring scale at the Mabolufon junction, prompting many to wonder whether there were vampire spirits inducing accidents for the purpose of collecting victims’ blood.

A teacher and trade unionist living in Ijebu-Ode, Comrade Badejo Abosede, who described the junction as a “death trap for years,” said residents and travellers had always looked in expectations for respite.

There is no readily available official data on the number of lives that have been lost at that spot within a given period but a resident of Mabolufon area of Ijebu – Ode told The Nation that over 75 persons might have lost their lives there in the last couple of years and scores of others maimed while the monetary cost and attendant challenges was put at about N25million.

That the Mabolufon junction was such an Achilles heels of travellers first came to the attention of the Ogun State government in the second republic during the administration of the first civilian governor, Chief Olabisi Onabanjo.

The Nation learnt that the then Ogun State House of Assembly which was worried and saddened by frequent loss of lives at that location, did pass a resolution recommending that a bridge be constructed to run overhead across the expressway at Mabolufon to check such reckless loss of lives there.

Perhaps, Onabanjo might have built that fly – over provided for in the House’s resolution but the lifespan of his government was cut short by the December 31, 1983 Buhari – Idiagbon military coup.

While the resolution remained largely advisory and perhaps ignored by successive governments in the state, 31 years after it was first conceived, lives kept getting wasted there needlessly with each passing year.

Former Speaker of the state Assembly(1999 – 2003), Hon. Muyiwa Oladipo, said a resolution of the House is merely advisory, and is not binding on the executive to act upon if there was a resolution in the past recommending a fly – over across that junction.

Oladipo who is the current Commissioner for Local Government and Chieftaincy Affairs, noted that Onabanjo was a forward looking and progressive leader, and would probably have constructed the fly – over as at the 80s but financial constraints and his short-lived administration didn’t help the situation.

The former Speaker who recalled that between 36 and 50 persons died on a particular day at that junction not long ago, said the state can’t continue to allow precious lives to be lost there unnecessarily hence the current measure in place.

Governor Ibikunle Amosun, last year, awarded the contracts for the construction that stretches into the Ijebu – Ode – Ikorodu road.

Many said what propelled the Governor to embark upon the billion naira project was the gory incident of Tuesday September 18, 2013.

In the morning on that particular day, no fewer than 37 people lost their lives at the said junction in an accident involving a truck, two commercial buses and several motorcycles.

The truck which was carrying fertilizer lost control due to over speeding while trying to avoid collision with another truck that dashed into the expressway way headlong from the Ijebu – Ode – Ikorodu road.

Coincidentally, Lagos State – bound passenger bus that took off from Ondo State had just pulled – up at the time to drop a passengers at the junction, when the truck crashed into it, killing those inside, some that had already disembarked, hawkers and some cyclists that had rushed out in a scramble for the passengers.

The driver of the passenger bus had taken – off in the morning at the Ajebandele park, Ondo State, and had stopped at the junction to drop one Mrs. Adebowale Ayomide, a nurse and an employee of the Ondo State government.

The nurse was waiting to collect the balance from the N1, 000 she gave to the driver, who also came down to split the N1, 000 note around the Mabolufon junction and while waiting, the killer-truck rammed into them.

Though the driver and Mrs. Adebowale survived the accident, but not without severe injuries that sent both into coma following severe fracture while the driver also had his leg chopped off from above the knee region by the truck.

And because of the gravity of the accident and numbers of people affected, the Secretary to the Ogun State Government (SSG), Mr. Taiwo Adeoluwa, visited the victims at the State Hospital, Ijebu – Ode, and also personally donated N200, 000 for their treatment.

The hospital’s Chief Medical Director (CMD), at the time, Dr. Wellington Ogunsanya, told The Nation that victims who suffered from “severe fracture, head injury, lung – limb fractures were referred to bigger trauma centres at the Olabisi Onabanjo University Teaching Hospital (OOUTH), Sagamu and the University College Hospital (UCH), Ibadan for special care.

Today, Mobalufon bridge is completed and already in use with residents of Ijebu – Ode and motorists not only lauding the project, but also saying it is saving their lives and time from a location hitherto notorious for fatal and ghastly accidents as well as routine gridlock.

Mr Gbenga Aroyewun, the Publisher and Editor -In- Chief of the Obanta NewsDay, a grassroot magazine published in Ijebu – Ode, told The Nation that the Mabolufon fly -over was a plus to the state government as it has put a halt to the accidents on the expressway that occur often when vehicles moving to Ijebu-Ode from the Itoikin-Ikorodu road or Lagos end attempt to cross the highway.

Aroyewun said such vehicles now safely use the flyover instead of risking head-on collision with those coming from the Benin-Ore end of the expressway as were hitherto the case.

According to him, aside serving as life saver, it is also bringing succour to motorists who had to contend with the chaotic traffic gridlock there in the past as there were neither traffic light nor presence of the officials of the Federal Road Safety Corps (FRSC), the state’s traffic agency – TRACE and the Traffic Wardens to control vehicular and pedestrian movement.

Also, Comrade Badejo Abosede, a public school teacher and trade unionist, said it was a long overdue rescue effort that came at last from the present state government.

Lauding Senator Ibikunle Amosun for the initiative, Abosede who is of the Academic Staff Union of Secondary Schools of Nigeria, Ogun State chapter, noted that the junction until now “was a death trap for years” but said it gladdens the heart that sanity has returned to the location.

For an Ijebu – Ode based legal practioner, Mr Olajide Banjo, the fly -over is saving the lives of cyclists, padestrians, motorists, Ijebu people and others travelling to the eastern part of the country from Lagos end and also those coming from the Benin – Ore direction of the highway.

The state’s traffic agency, Traffic Enforcement and Compliance Agency (TRACE) said since road users started using the bridge following its completion four months ago, respite has returned to the junction as no case of accident whether major, minor or a narrow escape of it has been recorded.

The Zonal Commander, Ijebu – Ode TRACE Corps, Cmdr Tommy Hamzat, said the fly – over has reduced accident at the spot by 99.9 percent.

Hamzat said:”it is really helping to save lives and accident by 99.9 percent. We have not recorded any accident again at the junction since motorists and cyclists do not cross the expressway directly.”

Hamzat however rued that despite this provision, some motorists in a bid to save time, occasionally avoid the bridge and attempt to cross the Highway directly at a great risk to their lives, that of the passengers and other road users.

According to him, the agency would be monitoring the spot to check such reckless drivers who would want to dash into the expressway headlong instead of using the fly – over.

Also, an Ijebu – Ode based transporter and member of the National Union of Road Transport Workers(NURTW), who identified himself as Segun, said it was a huge relief to everybody particularly the commercial transport operators who bear the brunt of such crashes.

Segun said in every case of accident, aside the passengers who equally suffer and perhaps lose their lives, the transporters suffered double tragedies. Where the owner is the driver, he could be killed or maimed in an accident and his accidented vehicle too, may turn out to be a write – off in severe cases.

August 20, 2014
The men in our lives (VI): Brothers

LAST week we discussed the responsibility of our brothers towards us girls, which is to protect us and hold our hands as we coast through our impressionable years through adolescence; however, reasonably. A lot of girls face so much discomfort having to deal with over-protective big brothers. But while you may think they are monsters and forever wishing they could suddenly disappear from the surface of the earth so you can breath, some day, you’ll understand they protected you out of love. Here are a few tips on how to deal with them.

1.     Think positive of their actions. Your brothers are only looking out for you. They aren’t doing this to hurt you. It’s actually the exact opposite they’re doing everything they can to make sure you don’t get hurt. They feel a sense of responsibility to watch over you. The next time they act overprotective, think of it this way: they love you and care about you enough to take care of you, and they don’t want to lose you or watch you get hurt.

2.     Let him accompany you out if he insists. You’re too young to understand the evil in the world. There are some heartless OLDER men out there who are interested in girls as young as you. Sometimes many years older than your brother, even your father’s mates. He’s just afraid something might happen. He won’t accompany you all the time anyway!

3.     Avoid sneaking around. If you find a guy that you really like, then introduce him to your brother, and try to get him to know the guy better. Chances are he will surely like your boyfriend better if he meets him first, rather than hearing about it much later by a group of his friends or bumping on you two at a corner.

4.     Try your best to not fight. If you find yourself in a fight with him. Try to end it. Take a breath and breathe. No matter what you’re fighting about, fighting even more doesn’t make it better, Show him you’re mature. Show him you can act like the better person.

5.     Confide in him. This builds up the elder brother, younger sister relationship. You’ll both get to know each other, and better yet, offer each other advice. He’ll get to know you, and you’ll get to know him, it’s a win, win. This could make him discover you are not as gullible as he thinks.

Dear girl,

Your big brothers got into this world before you and watched you grow. In other words, they more or less represent your father. The male folk are generally domineering and this they apply while being protective. They want you to do as they say because they feel they know best.

Your brother wants you to stop seeing that boy because he feels he is up to no good. This is just natural. He may know better since he also has his way with girls. You just have to understand that they may not want anyone to hurt you. Their ego may be considered as well. There are a lot of boys who are wolves in sheep’s clothing. Your brother would certainly treat them with contempt.

It would be nicer to reach a compromise with your brothers otherwise, your social life may be unenjoyable. True, they have no right to live your life for you but you may try and make them realize you are not as foolish as they think by getting close to them and letting them share in your anxieties and expectations. And most importantly, be yourself.

If they fail to understand you and keep assuming wrongly and making false accusations, pray to God about it and follow your heart; so long as it makes you happy. Remember, to be very careful with the decisions you take as you will be the one to bear the consequences.

Dear brothers,

We love you so much just the way you love us. We thank you for being there for us since we got into this world. We only want you to know that we are no longer kids; we are growing into young adults and have some good brain. We want you to believe we are not as gullible as you think. We want you to know that we are in control of most of what happens to us. You only need to relax a bit and study us then you will realize who we really are.

We feel so terrible and tend to rebel when you report us to our parents especially when the accusations are false. You shouldn’t believe all you hear all the time. Some people speak ill of us out of envy and others just to make unnecessary troubles for us. We would not mind being open to you and sharing our experiences with you so you can advise us better. We love you.

Yours sincerely,

Lil’ sis

August 3, 2014
The men in our lives (V): Brothers

We all played together as children. Sometimes they were very caring; sometimes they were bullish and loved to chance us. They were ever ready to put that troublesome classmate of ours in order. We grew up loving them most of the time. Our brothers are our little daddies and could be more protective over us than our fathers.

A time comes when things suddenly change and we see our brothers as a clog in the wheel of our progress conniving with our fathers. They tend to be so hard on us and protective when it comes to boys. They are the ones who report us to dad about some boys we have been seeing or some group of bad girls we have been hanging around with. True, the word “brother” stands for love, support, comfort, succour, protection, amongst other things, but how far should it go? Every young girl sure needs some guidance from an older and wiser person but some brothers tend to stretch their duties too far. In fact, so many young girls would rather not go to the same college or university with their brothers. Not because they do not want anyone to check their excesses but because they do not want unnecessary hassles arising from assumptions.

Elizabeth, 22, said she went to the same university with her brother whom she had a wonderful relationship with while they were in the primary and secondary schools. So close were they that they were seen as partners-in-crime and got punished for each other’s naughtiness most of the time. They had to share a flat together at the university. Her brother virtually terrorised her throughout her stay because of hear-says which were mostly false as she said she wasn’t interested in her environment and could not mingle. She said he beat her sometimes and was fond of calling her all sorts of derogatory names. She said he always went home recounting what the tell-tales told him about her and this always got her into serious trouble and she ended up being punished for atrocities she never committed. When she could no longer bear it, she left their flat in school and refused to go home damning what her family thought. She would have revolted easily but had so much sense her brother never knew she had and a lot of times she felt she was wiser than him.

She refused to talk to her brother for months because the effect his seeming protection had on her was totally devastating and hurt her badly. After a while, he realised his foolish ways of protecting his sister and apologised to her. Her family had to wade in and apologise on his behalf, but the trauma he put her through had made her so tough that she refused to talk to him. A lot of times when they came across each other in school she wanted to talk to him because she loved him as her brother but the pain he caused her was incomprehensible and not one she could forget for so many years.

Interestingly, some girls said their brothers cover up for them and take them to parties though they are protective to a certain extent. While talking to the boys, most of them maintain they know better the “evil” boys could to do to girls and they would not want their sisters caught up in all that. This is true, after all the boys who practice the “evil” on girls are brothers to some girls. And most of them believe young girls are gullible and pretty silly in thinking. Some of these brothers want to put some sense into their heads by battering them. This is not nice.

Every brother has a duty and responsibility to protect his sister and guide her through life; however, it should be done reasonably. It must be emphasised that growing up is a learning process of getting to be a better person and being who you really want to be. A girl should be reasonably monitored and cautioned but at the same time allowed to make her mistakes and learn from them and most importantly live her life just the way she wants. Besides, one’s adolescence comes in a life time and that phase has to be lived to the fullest, though with wisdom. However, we must appreciate our big brothers because they only mean well. Next week, by God’s grace, we’ll discuss how best to deal with them.

July 27, 2014