Their’s is the most unlikely love story. She, a dark, bold and beautiful head-turner, voice-over artiste, MC, teen mentor and teacher; and he, a young man living with the cerebral palsy condition, who drawls and wobbles in the name of movement, but who is nevertheless resolute, passionate about disability issues and making a life for himself in real estate and online marketing. It’s our Valentine’s special. They spoke with Gboyega Alaka.
For many so-called able-bodied, men or women, friendship with a person living the Cerebral Palsy condition is something they would hardly consider, let alone a love relationship, or marriage. But with dark and lovely Bukola Dada nee Adeosun life goes beyond the ordinary, hence her decision in 2017 to hook up with Olawale Dada, a young man, who has lived with the cerebral palsy condition for as long as he can remember, and say the ‘I do’ words of eternal love and commitment.
Bukola and Olawale had met, first via the social media, Facebook to be precise, and then a gradual relationship evolved to the amazement of all, who may have been watching.
In an interview with her beau, Olawale, in May last year, he had told this reporter how he had seen a ‘natural beauty’ on the popular social media platform and couldn’t resist the urge to go to her page and do a little poking. So he said, “I went to her page and wrote, ‘natural beauty’. Of course, he had his palpitations, he recalled, but he just had to damn the consequence and shoot. “I thought ‘come on, he who is down fears no fall.’”
So he went for the broke, “I requested a date, and lo and behold, it was as if two lovebirds had finally met.”
On that day, Olawale recalled that he was actually broke and couldn’t even afford to pay for both their orders and they ended up sharing the drink and water.”
However, Bukola would say now that he needed not have worried, as she isn’t the uppity type and would not have been contemptuous of him, even if it wasn’t going to work out.
“I saw him as any other human, so it wasn’t difficult to give him a listening ear. Moreover, I’ve always been a listener. Coupled with the fact that he came humbly,” She said smiling.
But having met him first on the social media, wasn’t she anxious? And was she in anyway disappointed when she finally met him in person?
“No I wasn’t disappointed,” was her sharp answer. Obviously, Bukola is not a woman of many words. Smiling, she continued, “Neither did I feel like running away as you would imagine, because I had seen his pictures before then and had an idea of what he looked like.”
As the relationship grew, did she have to worry about acceptability, especially from her parents? To this she acquiesced. “I initially was not sure how they would react, but after a period of prayers with Olawale, we decided to inform them. I summoned courage to tell them. And to tell you the truth, I was amazed at their positive response. They were quite receptive. I was really happy the way they received him with open arms.”
What about friends and naysayers, who would have been consternated at her choice?
“I don’t have many friends. Just a couple who wouldn’t joke with my convictions. I guess they knew that whatever I set my heart to do must be worth it. So they really never interfered.”
As regards naysayers, Bukola said, “I’ve always been an independent-minded person. I never give room for others to make decisions for me or rubbish my decisions. So they absolutely had no say in this.”
Bukola also said the relationship took a while to grow but it was entirely her decision. “It wasn’t love at first sight; and neither did we need any intermediary. As a matter of fact, it took a while for me to consider dating him, though we had become friends. And mind you, I didn’t start dating him because I had problems getting suitors. Absolutely not. I just never met someone I was comfortable with,” Bukola said, as if contemplating this reporters next line of question.
Then this reporter tried one last one. Could it be out of pity? This time she smiled a knowing smile. True many have been known to marry out of compassion, but she says that was not the case with her.
“Not at all. He knows I don’t pity him. Besides, he’s not an object of pity. You need to hear him speak passionately about disability and you’d realise what I mean.”
Asked how she copes with Olawale’s anger moments, as people in his conditions have been known to have their low moments and bursts of anger, Bukola again smiled, and then she threw back: “His anger moments or mine? Well, I let him speak out his mind and when he has cooled off, we talked about it. But most times, he is calm and I’m really the one who gets angry more. And he sure knows how to calm me down (winks).
In all Bukola says, “I may not be very romantic when it comes to describing how I feel about Olawale, but I sure know when love overtakes every human ‘selfish reasoning’ and I must confess that’s how I felt and still feel.
“On the other hand, he is a hopeless romantic. His declaration of love for me came months before I ever said the popular ‘I love you’ to him. Olawale is a selfless lover and this amongst others adhered me to him.”
Our love reinforces the saying impossibility is nothing -Olawale Dada
I move around with a wobble, and with the slightest touch, I’m down. I use my walker in the house, but when I go out, I use this walking aid….”
That was Olawale Dada describing himself last May when this reporter had an encounter with him to commemorate the World Cerebral Palsy Day. Confident, no-holds-barred and confronting his reality.
Olawale was diagnosed of his condition in 2010 at age 29. Yes, it was that late in his life. Although he always knew he was not physically fit, both he and his parents just never knew what it was. He blamed the poor awareness of our medical professionals on the condition for that. The good thing however was that his parents never treated him differently. “They literally threw into the world,” he recalled. And did that pay off!
He was literally thrown into the fray of life and he had to take the bull of life by the horn.
Re-echoing the ‘fearing no fall’ adage, Olawale again said of that first meeting at a popular eatery in Egbeda, Lagos, “Yes, I was scared, but I was ready for any response. I called for a date even when all the cash I had in my pocket was N5,000. If you add that to all the money in my account, I would be lucky to have N15,000. But at that point, my mindset was, I’d rather try and get a ‘No’, than not try and assume it was not possible for me to find somebody who would love me for who I am.”
However, after that first date, he was reassured. There was hope. “After our first date, I was like ‘Eureka!’ I also discovered as we progressed in the relationship, that she was not a lady whose decision was informed by money. And, frankly, I didn’t think she was being propelled by any kind of ulterior motive. I just thought she was different and independent-minded.”
At that point, Olawale said his greater fear was sustaining the relationship, going forward. “My only fear was how to sustain the relationship, so the embarrassment of the first date won’t happen again. I had to reduce the food order when it dawned on me that the bill outweighed what I had on me.”
Asked if he knew of any competition and why he thought Bukola stuck with him, Olawale said, ‘No,’ before adding that “We had developed into a very close friend and I could tell we had a mutual affection, even when she kept telling me, ‘Don’t get your hopes high’. She was forming stone heart, I guess to test my self-confidence, not knowing that I was actually Godfident.” Smiles broadly.
What about the fear of losing her? Bukola is a beautiful woman and would in any circle, turn heads and attract overtures.
“I must confess, I had my insecurity; but it was never about if she would leave me for a richer guy. It was more of fear of the unknown. However, after we had a 3-in-1 prayer point for divine confirmation, which turned out positive, I was relaxed. I became the lover boy demanding for a date to meet her parents and pastor.”
Asked to recall those early days of the relationship, Olawale said, “Like you already know, we met on Facebook. But before we eventually met physically, we had migrated to WhatsApp, and developed such a great friendship that a ‘No’ from her would have been a scam. From our third chat on WhatsApp, I had asked her if she could date someone with disability. The manner of our closeness even after the question, just perished all apprehensions.
“And when she finally said, “I love you,” though it was involuntary, after several ‘Don’t get your hope high’, it was reassuring.”
They got married August 26, 2017 in a wedding that dada himself said trended well on the social media. Since then, he says “The journey, like every other marriage, has been filled with ups and downs, have and have not moments; but through it all, I have discovered that I married my woman, my love. And that is why I fondly call her ‘my beautiful M.O.O.D.’ Mood as in Mrs. Oluwabukola Olawale Dada.” (Winks again).
Asked to appraised the nearly two years union, Olawale said, “Sure there are quarrel moments, but I simply stay calm. Even when I get overwhelmed, which happens sometimes, and I talk at her, I usually feel bad, and then I’m the first to say sorry. And then we sit down and talk about the issue that led to the quarrel.”
When asked how becoming a father makes him feel, Olawale said “Our baby, my princess is doing fine. She makes me happy. In all, getting married and becoming a father gingers my sense of responsibility, creativity and gives me cause to be hopeful and believe that impossibility is a myth. Impossibility is nothing.”
Olawale prides himself as a real estate consultant. With the help of technology, he has been able to engage in so many businesses online. In 2017, he made his first big sales in the estate industry, when he sold six plots of land in Ibeju-Lekki, Lagos. He also markets for Jumia and when he makes sales, he gets paid a commission.
Advice to those looking for love
“My advice to people living with disability and practically every human being looking for love is discover yourself, love yourself, be confident, discover who you need in your life, why you need them, and don’t settle for less. Be the most wanted (not in the criminal sense though), be available, be approachable, and above all, let God guide you.”
