Hamdalat Abiye Abiodun Aremu (née Ajisegiri), my darling wife died on Tuesday December 15, 2015 in Lagos while on a brief holiday with her parents. The burial took place in Ilorin on Thursday, December 17, 2015. The 8th day Fidahu prayers for her held on Tuesday December 22, 2015.
After two long weeks of agony, global bagful of condolences is making a difference in the most difficult healing process of our lives. Some solidarity messages understandably raised the painful nostalgia of sudden and unnotified deaths of our beloved! One was from Maiduguri.
Commiserating with me, Zainab Bala Muhammed, the widow of my dear late Comrade Dr. Jubril Bala Muhammed reminded that it was 14 years since Bala’s departure hit us like a thunderbolt. Bala died in an auto-accident on his way back to Maiduguri. In similar vein, brothers and relatives of late comrade, Abdulrahaman Black Masa, also my dear late friend recalled his death on the January 27, 2004 in Lagos without any noticeable illness. Indeed I had expected him in Kaduna for our usual ED Kabir/ Sallah rendezvous.
Just like yesterday, decades of sudden losses had passed by. Due to these tragic memories, I did a reflection entitled “Grave Concerns”. It was a singular challenging tribute to of departed comrades which later included Abubakar Jika of Bayero University, Kano and late Chris Abashi. Death has long been likened to robbery whose impact denies us our valuables. This truism dawned on me with the deaths in quick succession of these comrades. Myself, late Dr. Jubril Bala, (he was a pride of Department of Communication, University of Maiduguri), Chom Bagu and Lamis Shehu Dikko (currently Ajia Katsina) were ABU School of Basic (Basico) 77/78 Alumnus. At our final years, we became victims of the prevailing authoritarianism and repression of students’ activists in ABU in the early 1980s. Chris Abashi was 1982 President of National Association of Nigeria Students (NANS), who eventually became the chairman of Nassarawa Eggon Local Government Council, also at a point ANPP deputy gubernatorial candidate. If the reflection on my departed comrades proved so tough, then a reflection on my late mother and wife in recent times is better imagined. I have since happily made known the eternal ‘Take aways from my mother’ in my tribute to my mother.
Hadjia Afusatu Amoke Aremu died Thursday September 24, 2015 at 91, interestingly on the day of EID Mubarak! My mom’s at 91 was celebration of longevity. My wife’s death at mid-age in quick succession is one additional loss too heavy to bear. “Nothing shall ever happen to us except what Allah has ordained for us” (Quran 9:51).
I was away in Geneva representing the NLC at the Workers symposium on Decent Work Global Supply Chains billed for December 15-17, 2015. On same the day, I and my wife spoke after the subhi prayer. Strangely, 4pm I received series of feverish text messages the most intriguing announcing her death. Nelson Mandela’s quotable quote after the death of his mentor, comrade, 1964 Rivonia trial co-accused and anti apartheid fighter Walter Sisulu almost sums up my agony: ‘His absence has carved a void. A part of me is gone’. My darling Hajia Hamdalat Abiodun Aremu is an iconic symbol of the extended Ajisegiri/Aremu family. My mother (her mother-in-law), gave her the title “Iya Aremu” because of the caring and loving way she handled the entire family. After Allah, she was a selfless unifier, problem solver, hard-worker, adviser, mentor and above everything else, she was a mother to all. My mother had her last breath in her caring hands. The impact of “Iya Aremu’s death is therefore better imagined. She comforted us not to agonize over the death of my mother on a Sallah Day. On the contrary, true to her ever positive disposition, she reminded us of fulfilled life.
Who then comforts us after her own death at a relatively younger age? Whence the healing words from a tested lover? True to her teachings, we take solace in the bagful of her globally acknowledged good deeds. The last few of these deeds are still fresh in my grieved mind. I bear witness that my wife died at her brother’s place in Badagry while on a brief holiday with her brother Dr Ayodeji Ajisegiri, also a friend. She had earlier been with her 89 years old father, Alhaji Abdul Lamid Ajisegiri who she spoke with at least twice a day. Her solidarity with closed and extended families and family friends was well acknowledged. She had planned that once we arrived Ilorin for the holidays, we would continue our usual service in tying the knots of families, multiple identities, kinships, visiting the bereaved, promoting solidarity and compassion in the community. My wife’s compassion with others was indivisible, spontaneous and indiscriminate. Her last e-mail contained our usual monthly budget with the usual social support and transfers to relatives in need, not for her children or herself. Her birthday was December 22, yet December budget contained no single item for any celebration or personal indulgence.
Undoubtedly my egalitarian disposition flows from Islamic injunctions and my ideological grounding in socialism. But Allah naturally endowed my non-ideological wife with globally acknowledged selflessness and the art of giving. My wife had long been giving her “time” her “skills”, her “money” and “gifts of reconciliation” well before former American President Bill Clinton, the 41st American President authored the seminal book; Giving; How Each One of Us Can Change the World (2007), the book my wife read with joy for the obvious fact that it theoretically legitimized her appreciated deeds. Totally selfless, a bundle of generosity as enjoined by Almighty Allah, we inherited a number of wonderful children from my late junior brother. She was the mother of all children without inhibitions. After Allah I owe all my successes to my wife; abundance of children, wealth generation and trade union struggles lasting over two decades.
I have written books on varying socio-economic subjects. My wife was co-author, the first proof reader. It’s time we intensified the advocacy for gender mainstreaming. Governments and corporate organizations must mainstream women in the families, at workplaces, governments and society at large. The two women in my life, namely my late mother and wife, have shown that what many good things many men cannot do, women can even do better. My wife has shown that life is not how long but how well. I agree with the author who admonished that; “ When you wake in the morning, do not expect to see the evening, – live though as if its only today you have”!
Tears certainly are not enough. We however take consolation in her legacy of worship and work as enjoined by Allah. Comrade Governor Adams Oshimhole summed it up when he said that she had “a heart of gold”. In modesty, he however did not reveal the fact that her late wife, Clara, mentored my wife in selflessness, sacrifice, support, perseverance and the virtue of the fact that only death can do us apart. Comrades Adams, Hassan Sunmonu and late Paschal Bafyau, all former NLC presidents were witnesses to our marriage in 1990 that lasted for rewarding 26 years.
In 1986, South African racist merchants of death cowardly shot down the plane of Samora Machel, the great African patriot and founding President of Mozambique. Graca Machel his widow and later day wife and widow of Nelson Mandela in her tribute to her first husband said “Fighters never say good bye”!
Hamdalat was never a “fighter” in the tradition of Samora but a lover like Graca. My experience has shown that not just fighters but genuine lovers like my dear wife (out of eternal love!) never say goodbye! We are excited that her presence and imprints are still discernable.
- Aremu mni, is General Secretary, Textile Workers Union, Labour House, Kaduna.
