Tag: masturbation

  • Masturbation: dangerous habit, dangerous addiction

    Masturbation: dangerous habit, dangerous addiction

    Olusegun Johnson explores the problem of masturbation amongst young people, highlighting the health and psychological implications.       

    Masturbation today as in generations past remains one of the most noxious habits perpetrated by young people all over the world. Many consider it harmless and sinless, as they feel they stand no risk of contacting any disease, and are of the opinion that they are in no way committing any sin – not fornication and definitely not adultery.

    Online encyclopedia, Wikipedia, explains Masturbation as “the sexual stimulation of one’s own genitals for sexual arousal or other sexual pleasure, usually to the point of orgasm. The stimulation may involve hands, fingers, everyday objects, sex toys or combinations of these.”

    A further explanation says “masturbation involves touching, pressing, rubbing or massaging a person’s genital area, either with the fingers or against an object such as a pillow; inserting fingers or an object into the vagina or anus; and stimulating the penis or vulva with an electric vibrator, which may also be inserted into the vagina or anus. It may also involve touching, rubbing, or pinching the nipples or other erogenous zones.”

    Masturbation can also be a mutual exercise by partners. This has been tacitly approved across ages, but it is not the focus of this piece.

    The primary reason many people ever get into masturbation has been acknowledged to be attainment of puberty and rise in libido level. Wikipedia explains libido simply as ‘sex drive’ or ‘a ‘person’s overall sexual drive or desire for sexual activity.’ Many young men and women therefore get into masturbating as a result of puberty attainment and urge to enjoy sex outside sexual intercourse. Often it is influenced by exposure to negative information, peer pressure and influences from books, movies, internet and the social media. The initial motive usually is to ease sexual tension, but more often, addiction sets in, leading to other problems including health and psychological.

    Dangers of addiction

    Online health journal, Vaughter Wellness, states the side effects of masturbation to include “lower back pain, fatigue, thinning hair or hair loss, soft or weak erection, premature ejaculation, fuzzy vision, groin-or testicular pain and pains or cramps in pelvic area or tail bone.”

    However, it might seem like most people indulging in this trend are unaware of these dangers.

    Emmanuel 24 from Ikorodu, Lagos, confessed that he started masturbating at age 15. “I was not influenced by anyone, it just came up like that.” He confessed. “But presently, I find myself disturbed. I don’t really enjoy or see any good in it anymore. Recently I took a conscious decision to stop it, but suddenly realised I couldn’t. Now I’m 24 and still masturbating.”

    Emmanuel revealed that “I often get moved into the act anytime I see a girl in flashy or suggestive wears; and usually, what I do next is go somewhere private and masturbate.”

    Unfortunately, Emmanuel confessed that the habit has turned him into a recluse. “I no longer mingle with friends.”

    David, 21 who started masturbating at 18 said “I masturbate just to satisfy my urge, and it all started when I attained puberty I watch pornography movies a lot and this has been part of what is affecting me up till date.”

    Meanwhile, Julius for whom masturbation has literally replaced his emotion for females said “I started masturbating a year ago. It was first introduced to me by my friends in school and I have since found it hard to do away with it. Every time I indulge in it, it’s as I’m having sex.”

    Doctors on masturbation

    Is masturbation a true alternative to sex? Is it really a veritable avenue for relieving stress or tension?

    Doctor Onwuchekwa Chinwendu of Limad Hospital, Command, Ipaja, Lagos, in his response said, “To some extent, this is true. I say this because many who are emotionally stressed and do not want to go about meeting with prostitutes, usually embrace the option of masturbation to satisfy or ease their sexual urge. But in truth, masturbation does not really reduce stress and tension. When you begin to indulge in masturbation, it begins to increase your stress level and the need to satisfy yourself emotionally through self-inducement also gets on the high. Inevitably, this increases the stress and tension and gets your body asking for more. This eventually gets out of hand become a life habit.

    On dangers of masturbation, Dr Chinwendu said “Masturbation to some extent makes you free from sexually transmitted diseases, especially because sexual intercourse or canal penetration of the opposite sex does not take place. The downside however is that it has a tendency to make one a recluse, as they tend not to socialise with friends.”

    Medically, Dr Chinwendu said “It causes erectile dysfunction. I know of people who face this problem as a result of masturbation.

    “You can also injure yourself in the process between orgasm and release of sperm because at that moment, you increase your effort of inducement on the instrument or hand on your private part, which can result in sourness or tear. And when this happens, you are exposing your private part to diseases. How clean is the instrument or hand you’re using for instance?

    So it may reduce sexually transmitted diseases, but you are at the same time exposing yourself to other diseases.”

    Asked if masturbation improves sexual relationships, Chinwendu said “There are two schools of thoughts. In the early twenties, the U.S worked on Masturbation and its Effects on Relationship. While one school of thought says it makes you relate well with your spouse and enjoy improved sexual life and relationship, the other absolutely negates it. One of the negative sides according to the other school of thought is that it can cause erectile dysfunction because you’re excessively over-working your sex organ. It increases your sex organ but also weakens it. Ultimately you will not be able to satisfy a woman in bed. This is the fact.”

    Can it be overcome?

    “First of all, awareness is needed.” Dr Chinwendu said.  “Does a victim believe it is wrong? Do they feel that what they are doing is wrong?  When it becomes a habit, it is difficult to stop. For example, smoking cannot be done away with easily. So there should be awareness in schools, in communities and in the media. People have to be informed of the dangers of this practice.

    “A sufferer should purposely delete or destroy instantly all those things that induce the practice such as pornography movies, pictures, discs and whatever. I know of a 16-year-old girl with more than 20 pornography movies and pictures, which her father eventually discovered. Imagine what would be going on in such girl’s mind!

    “Bad habits corrupt useful habits; if you have friends that are into such practice, cut them off, do not mingle with them. All materials used to self-induce yourself should be done away with.

    “Thirdly, this practice largely affects people who are on their own or lonely; so  sufferers should start socialising. When you start having the feelings to masturbate, call a friend and go out and mingle. That way, the habit starts to die and you will gradually leave it.” Dr Chiwendu said.

    Dr. Gbenga Adeyemo, a psychologist attached to a government health facility in Ejigbo, Lagos also spoke on the side effects of masturbation.

    “First, masturbation is a known form of sex throughout the world. It is the act of stimulating oneself sexually by use of one’s hand.” Adeyemo said

    He said “The reason for masturbation is mainly for sexual enjoyment, sexual achievement or means of avoiding unwanted pregnancy. What we hear, see, and our environment can affect us negatively to go into such act. For example, when you see a lady dressed half naked, what comes to your mind first is to have sex with her. And knowing that the avenue is not there, you would rather go and masturbate.

    “Also, the friends young people keep or their community is a huge determinant. 70 percent of people who practice this get involved through bad company.”

    On the hazards, Adeyemo said “when masturbation is you, you are masturbation; that is, if you can’t do without it in a day, you begin to stay on your own and prefer to do things secretly. Ultimately, it affects you when you get married because you as a male will not last in bed. If it is a female, you will prefer self-pleasing to sex with the opposite sex. That shows there is a problem.

    “Again if such person does not have an exposure to sex initially, they want to try sex on their own and when they touch their sex organ, it takes them along.

    “Also if you are fond of masturbating, it can become hereditary, whereby your children might be affected too, just like we have Polio, HIV and Laser Fever. We have seen situations like that.”

    Said Adeyemo, “What is common today is that it results into problems of quick ejaculation and memory loss or Down’s Syndrome. They may even begin to see nothing sexually attractive in any other sex partner other than themselves. So they create hatred for mutual sex.”

    On ways of stopping masturbation, Dr Adeyemo said “Masturbation should not be seen as diseases that you get admitted to the hospital to treat or that you are prescribed drugs to cure like malaria or headache.  First, it is important to know the things that move you into the act and how long you have been into it.”

    “One solution is for such person to mingle more with friends. He or she should avoid being on his own as much as possible. They should try to find something doing, that will occupy their mind and take them away from the act.

  • I can no longer tolerate my wife’s masturbation, husband tells court

    A 44-year-old businessman, Ekpolador Ebi, told an FCT High Court, Kubwa, that he would no longer tolerate his wife’s masturbation.

    Ebi made this known when he testified in his divorce petition against his wife, Gloria Onajero, in Abuja.

    He urged the court to end the marriage, which had produced two children because of his wife’s unfaithful and intolerable character.

    The petitioner questioned the paternity of his children, when he found out his wife’s extra-marital affair with one Richard.

    He also noted that his wife’s “ugly character” has had a negative impact on their children.

    “She masturbates on a regular basis. I have warned her severally but she wouldn’t stop. Now it has affected my first daughter.

    “I caught her on three occasions; I spoke to the mother about it and she promised that it would be resolved but it did not.

    “Now, I noticed since we separated, that the children have developed confidence issues in school.

    Read Also: Monarchs drag Fayemi to Court over appointment of Chairman

    “My first daughter has also developed anger issues; she slams the door at you when you try to scold her. All these never used to be,” he testified.

    Ebi also told the court that he ran away from his home because his wife and her mother frustrated all his good intentions.

    According to him, his wife also beats the children with so much force and without mercy and when he tried to caution her, her mother supports her.

    The petitioner urged the court to, aside dissolving the marriage, help him recover his property from his wife.

    “My wife came into this marriage with nothing, but when she left, she went away with everything I had.

    “She took all the original documents of my property, including our marriage certificate.

    “I want everything back, including my first daughters’ international passport which has a five-year-visa on it.

    “I also want this court to order her to stop calling me at odd hours. She calls me around 1 AM, 2 AM or 3 AM for no good reason,” he said.

    Mr Festus Ukpe, Counsel to the respondent, applied to the court to grant them two dates of adjournment to enable him and his client prepare their defence.

    The presiding judge, Justice Bello Kawu, adjourned the matter till March 21 and March 30. 

     

  • Masturbation and the way forward (1)

    Masturbation and the way forward (1)

    I AM 16 years old. I desperately need your advice.  I am not living with my parents due to some circumstances.

     My problem is masturbation, and I have been doing this for two or three years now. This act is affecting me seriously. All I think is sex. My concentration has dropped drastically and my academic work is suffering.

     I use to be very intelligent, but not anymore. I have resorted to examination malpractices which I feel so bad about.

    Please, I need your help urgently. I am ashamed of myself.

    Name withheld.

    Realising the fact that you need help is good. We must commend your courage for sharing your problem with us. It takes a lot of strength to summon such courage to do so, bearing in mind that masturbation is a secret habit that victims are ashamed of talking about freely.

    Most teenagers, males or females, are confronted with the same challenge, but they find it difficult to open up. The reason is that at the stage of adolescence which starts from the age of 13 to 19 years young boys start going through changes in their bodies. Physically and emotionally, this is also applicable to girls as well due to the hormonal changes.

    Feelings come to play when a young boy or girl starts thinking that he or she is in love with a particular girl whereas in the actual sense, it is just mere infatuation or crush. Now a child that does not understand why he or she is feeling in a certain way might go the wrong way because of lack of proper information from home to start with at an early stage.

    Masturbation can be described as self-stimulation of one’s genital to the point of orgasm. This is one widespread struggle of adolescence which some see as a joke. Some silently talk about it among friends, while some are so ashamed to be related with the act.

    The issue of masturbation is not only centred on males. Some females are also involved in the act as well, but the difference is that the ratio of boys that masturbate is more than the girls.

    Teenage stage is a remarkable period of physical and emotional changes in a person’s life. Therefore, the sudden changes all teenagers experience often surprise and confuse them because of little or no information given. They are most times not adequately equipped to understand and tackle the sex urges as the play up which is natural due to their current stage in life.

    In addressing the issue at hand which is masturbation, it will be proper for us to list out the possible reasons why teenage boys, for example, masturbate.

    Physiological changes: This is as a result of the hormonal changes that take place at this period. Feelings start driving wide, so lack of the right information on how to deal with such feelings can actually lead to masturbation which, if not addressed, can affect other aspects of the person’s life.

    Next is lack of proper sex education. This is a situation whereby a child is not properly informed about the changes that will occur in his body both externally and internally at a certain age, that is, what to expect and how to go about it. Once there’s a gap, the child, in the process of seeking answers or solutions, might be guided wrongly into masturbation.

    However, some adults have this notion that talking to children about sexuality, sex and relationship is actually encouraging them to put the act into practice, forgetting that knowledge is power. On the other hand, some children to view any awareness of their bodies particularly sexuality as bad. This simply leaves some children unprepared for sexual urges and surges they encounter as adolescence.

    Other factors are the company they keep: The type of friends they keep and what they do (peer pressure).Rumours and secrecy can also lead a teenager into the act of masturbation. Masturbation is like a drug addict hungry for his next fix when to address.

     

    Harriet Ogbobine is a counsellor and a motivational speaker.

    Send your questions and suggestions to her blog; www.liwh.com.ng, text messages only 08054682598 or bineharriet@gmail.com.  You can follow her on twitter: @bineharrietj and instagram: harrietogbobine.

  • How do I stop masturbation?

    Dear aunty, I am now 24 years old but I started masturbating at age 14. When I reached the age of 16, though not courageous enough I began to approach girls but they would turn me down. Funny enough after the first ‘no’ I would not go again; I decided not to approach girls again. Masturbation continued and I have guilty conscience about it. How do I stop?

    Most men masturbate because a man needs sex at a certain age, so if they can’t have sex they masturbate to satisfy their needs. As you’re used to self-help (masturbation), how do you hope to stop when you haven’t found woman (or a wife) to fulfill your needs? You must find an alternative first before fighting masturbation. You can start by occupying your mind with something that won’t keep you indoors like outdoor games with friends or religious activities.

    Read Also: Effects of masturbation

    The fact that one or two girls have turned you down doesn’t mean you should accept defeat. When it is time for you to settle down, your own woman will show face and she won’t turn you down. When that happens, remember I told you so. Cheers!

  • How to master ladies’ G-spot

    How to master ladies’ G-spot

    There’s no doubt you’ve heard of the G-spot: that mythical area that feels extra good for ladies when you hit it. But sadly, there are a lot of women who actually haven’t even found their own G-spots themselves. Why not?

    For starters, it can be hard to locate. And when she’s masturbating and her clitoris is right out there in the open and ready to go, going on a solo treasure hunt in search of it the G-spot might just feel a little unnecessary.

    However, for the women who have managed to find that sacred spot, the results can be pretty mind blowing, and any guy who can find his partner’s G-spot and use it to give her maximum pleasure would qualify as an incredible lover. Finding it, however, is only the first step. You’ll need to know how it works, and the best way to stimulate it for maximum pleasure. Having a few sex positions handy that target this erogenous zone will further help your cause.

    Ready to start searching and blow her mind? Here’s how to master the G-spot — what it is, what it does, how to find it, best practices for making it feel good and beyond.

    Now would also be a good time to note that the orgasms that occur through stimulating the G-spot versus the ones that result from clitoral stimulation are related — but are felt a bit differently. “G-spot orgasms also overlap with clitoral and vaginal orgasms, as the area known as the G-spot is accessible through the front wall of the vagina and is located in very close proximity to the legs of the clitoris,” says Dr. O’Reilly.

    “Both scientific and anecdotal accounts of G-spot orgasms, however, suggest that they are distinct from other experiences of pleasure.

    Women often report that a G-spot orgasm feels different from a clitoral one, as they experience sensations of bearing down or pushing out with their pelvic floor muscles as opposed to tenting effect from clitoral stimulation.

    In fact, research suggests that the brain actually uses different regions for processing each of these feelings.

    “Dr. Beverly Whipple and Dr. Barry Komisaruk discovered that vaginal, cervical and G-spot stimulation activates different parts of the brain via four different nerve pathways that innervate the clitoris, vagina and cervix,” says Dr. O’Reilly.

    “What is most exceptional about this differentiation is the fact that the Vagus nerve bypasses the spinal cord, allowing even those diagnosed with complete spinal cord injury to experience pleasure and orgasm via the cervix.” So, now you know how it all works. But if the G-spot differs in location from woman to woman, how do you go about finding it?

    This article first appeared on askmen.com

  • Dealing with masturbation

    Ma,

    I am a boy who just clocked18. I thank God for it. Well you can wish me a happy birthday. Madam, I am facing a serious challenge which I have been with for almost 10 years. It is the issue of masturbation. It all started the moment I was raped by one of my cousins. Since then, I cannot control my sexual urges and masturbation. I have this feeling of opening up to you as a counsellor to help me out. This issue has been a secret in my life. I am ashamed to confide in anybody for fear of being condemned. I really don’t know how to deal with my situation. Please, I need your help. You have my permission to publish my message, but please, don’t disclose my identity. Thanks.

    Name withheld. Lagos

    I must commend you for the courage you showed by sending in your mail about your situation. It takes a lot to do so. You have done great. Sending this mail is one step to your healing because when you open up on issues like this, it gives a clear picture of what you are going through. Now, we have two issues to tackle. First is the case of rape and the second is masturbation. Rape is a serious issue and must be reported. It doesn’t matter who is involved, whether family member or not. The rapist must face the law for such an act. On the other hand, the victim must be protected and reassured of a bright future. He or she must see a trained counsellor who will take the victim through a healing process.  The reason for all this explanation about rape is because it is one of the major causes masturbation.  Come to think of it, most of the rape issues are done by family members who take advantage of the innocent. That is the reason why parents must protect their children all the way. Discuss with them, telling them everything they need to know about sex education. Listen to them when they complain about certain people. Trust them; don’t intimidate them. Build their confidence, show them love and answer all their questions. Correct your children with love when they are wrong.  Masturbation is one common act that a large number of teenagers are involved in mostly when the above are missing and when there is lack of information or wrong information given to them as they are confused about the natural changes that are taking place in their bodies, both physical and emotional. Apart from the issue of rape, some get answers from their friends on what to do when their sexual feeling comes to play. Others get these answers from books and media. Masturbation becomes an addiction and can actually affect other aspects of their lives, if all the necessary steps are not taken to put an end to it. Some of the effects are as follows: obsession, guilt, lack of concentration, absentmindedness, memory loss, depression, solitariness, low self-esteem and so on.  However, stopping masturbation addiction requires a lot of self-discipline and total commitment. It is achievable once you set your mind on it. There are some useful tips on how to deal with the issue of masturbation.  My first advice on this case is that you see a trained counsellor, so that his rape issue will be treated properly. He needs to open up to a professional who is not going to judge or condemn him, but reassure him of confidentiality and assist him through the healing process which comes in sections. Since his unspoken rape incident is what led him into masturbating and uncontrollable sexual urges. The next step is to learn to divert your free time and energy into active areas like sport. Take up an activity that you enjoy instead of staying idle. You can start daily exercise, if you like, but once you start, make sure you stick to it. If you can’t keep to it on your own, then go and register with a gym and be consistent.  Getting really busy with yourself in a useful and productive way is also another way to end this practice. Take up courses to acquire skills, if you like. This will occupy your mind and help you improve yourself. As a matter of fact, the truth is that you need to seriously work on your mind set because all this started from the mind. So dealing with it means that the mind must be occupied with right thoughts- positive thinking, nothing more. You must be determined to make it work. Above all, don’t forget to surrender yourself to God. He is your creator,  the only one who will make all this action work, if you take it to Him in prayers. Therefore, whatever your religion, take your situation to Him, while you follow all the tips that are given to you. Trust Him and He will deliver you.   Avoid being idle because the idle mind is the devil’s workshop. Read inspirational books that will help. Fill your mind with thoughts on how you can improve yourself for good. Be creative, for example, learn how to play a musical instrument.   Furthermore, avoid every situation that might trigger the urge of masturbation. Keep away from anything that turns you on sexually. They could be films, books, magazines, bad friends and so on. You have to take absolute control of yourself at all times by avoiding tempting situations, if you want to end it.  In short, start something new that will keep you busy and excited. In addition, you need to take this process step by step to avoid making  mistakes along the line. Don’t forget it took time to get into this habit and it will take time to get out. So, if you fall, do not remain there. Dust yourself up and continue because it takes a willing heart to achieve change.

     

    Harriet Ogbobine is a counsellor and  motivational speaker. Send in your questions and suggestions to her on bineharriet@gmail.com. You can also follow her on twitter@bineharrietj or txt messages only to 08023058805.

  • Since I was abused by our housemaid when I was 7 years, I have grown to love porn and masturbation. How do I get over my addiction?

    Good day Ma, I’m a 21 years old male medical student. Ma, you are not only beautiful, but also an inspiration. I was abused by our housemaid when I was 7 years and have grown to love porn and masturbation. I am trying to get over my addiction use because I’ve  had related health problems lately and I’m no more a high-flyer in my academics like I used to be and I don’t want to disappoint my Mum. Though I’m an introvert, girls flirt a lot with me but I shun them because I don’t want a relationship. Ma’am do you think developing friendship with girls will ease my addiction problems and clear thoughts of sex? If Yes, Ma how do I start? Thanks Ma – J.

    Dear J, at some point or the other, young people are exposed to porn, masturbation and thoughts of sex. But you can tell yourself today that you have control over all things that may slow you down towards having the perfect future you deserve to have. You need to sort out yourself first before trying to have female friends. You will win this battle against flesh and be the proud doctor your mum would be proud of and one I’d love to associate with in the near future. God help you.

    Below are some advices someone else in your shoes got, which I hope you learn from:

    Using porn and playing with yourself is a big problem. That kind of activity basically can start you down a path of addiction that can lead to all kinds of problems.

    You need to get a new hobby, asap; one that doesn’t involve a computer. Whenever you get stressed out or are otherwise feeling like you want to look at porn, go do the other hobby. If you really need help, go talk to your parents. Tell them the truth, because you may need professional help to kick the habit. – by Matthew Y.

    Porn addiction can be hard to control. Many people have lost jobs, family, and loved ones because they could not tame their porn habits.

    I suggest you seek some help. Here is a site that has addiction information and a directory of addiction treatment centers so you can

    help. www.addictionselfhelp.com.

    Good luck.