The Nation Newspaper

Tag: Me

  • ‘Obanikoro’s evidence has vindicated me’

    ‘Obanikoro’s evidence has vindicated me’

    The whistleblower on the alleged fraud that marred the 2014 governorship election in Ekiti State, Temitope Aluko, has said he has been vindicated by the evidence given in court by former Minister of State (Defence) Musiliu Obanikoro.

    Aluko said the court cannot be stopped from revisiting the alleged manipulation of the polls with fresh evidence of the use of arms fund, soldiers and other acts that violated the Electoral Act.

    He added that the January 24 Federal High Court judgment ,which took the control of the state PDP structure away from Governor Ayo Fayose, has saved the party and ended one-man dictatorship.

    Speaking on a special interview programme on ADABA 88.9 FM monitored by our reporter, Aluko said Fayose was afraid of his shadow, adding that the governor knew that the election violated the constitution and the Electoral Act.

    He said Obanikoro’s confessions that he gave Fayose $5.37 million while another N1.3 billion was given to his (Fayose’s) associate, Abiodun Agbele has confirmed his (Aluko’s) revelations that arms cash were diverted to ‘fraudulently’ procure victory for the governor.

  • Peace and me

    In a recent tweet on the Journalists for Christ Twitter handle (@journalistsFC), I asked if journalists were one of those Jesus Christ had in mind when he said in Matthew 5:9, blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the sons of God.

    I am yet to get a response to my question from any of the followers of the handle, but I have a conviction that even though there were no journalists when the statement was made, journalists now have a major role to play in promoting peace in whatever they publish and broadcast on their various platforms.

    There is a report of how in the second republic in Nigeria, a federal radio station played a popular song Give Peace a Chance during a political crisis and the state radio played Get up, Stand Up, Stand up for your Right.

    Many lives were lost in the crisis, no thanks to radio stations that chose to fuel the crisis instead of helping to quell it.

    What can I do for peace as a journalist?

    As a journalist, I take the role of promoting peace seriously. My theory for justifying the need for journalists to be peacemakers is that the media needs peace to thrive.

    I usually remind journalists who indulge in fuelling any crisis situation that they should always remember that the media also has a lot to lose.

    In war or any other violent case, not only are journalists’ movements restricted like others, the media business is adversely affected.

    Many journalists who dare to report some of the crises have been killed.

    As a journalist, I will continue to do my best to promote peace in my publications and urge others to do the same.

    I wholeheartedly subscribe to the principle of peace journalism which states that journalists should make choices that increase the prospects of peace.

    The choices include how to frame stories and carefully choose words in the body and headlines of the reports without compromising the basic principles of good journalism.

    As an Editor, I will be more careful in deciding what story should be given prominence considering the overall interest of the society. I will seek to educate my readers on controversial issues to ensure that they have better understanding, especially when there is a deliberate attempt to mislead the people by interested groups.

    I will do my best to get all sides of any story and provide necessary context with a view to ensuring that the general public is better served.

    I will be more willing to take sides with the government of my country in a crisis situation like the kind we are having against Boko Haram terrorists. I will not allow my organisation to be used by terrorists to make false claims which sometimes gives the wrong impression that they are having an upper hand even when they are losing grounds.

    What are the limitations for me to work for peace?

    There is no major limitation for me to work for peace. The code of conduct for journalists in my country implores us to strive to enhance national unity and public good.

    There are, however, instances when journalists don’t have enough information or access to give a true account of a crisis situation. We have had to rely on information that cannot be verified and end up misinforming the public.

    Government officials and even the general public sometimes also make our work difficult by not being willing to speak up when they should. We are aware that there is information that the government cannot disclose, but journalists need to be taken into confidence to help them know how to go about reporting some issues.

    How can I overcome the limitations?

    I have a commitment to promoting peace in whatever way I can, and will do everything possible to overcome any limitation except it is beyond my control.

    Instead of rushing to write on any controversial issue, I will opt for seeking all necessary information to enable me have a truthful, balanced and fair report or informed commentary.

    How about us?

    We all have a duty to ensure peace and must work together.

    My remarks  at the Peace Forum organised by the Heavenly Culture World Peace Restoration of Light , International Peace Youth Group and International Women Peace Group in Lagos.

  • Wife: he enjoys beating me

    A trader, Funmilayo Amadi, has taken her husband, Uchenna, to an Agege Customary Court in Lagos, seeking a dissolution of their one-year marriage.

    She is alleging that her husband gets angry over trivial issues.

    “I wish I foresaw this because our marriage is too young to start having troubles. Since we got married, I haven’t had rest of mind. He is very troublesome and enjoys beating me,” Mrs Amadi said.

    The Ekiti-State-born woman said she left home two months ago after her husband beat her up.

    She said: “He dealt with me mercilessly and sent me out of the house as if I never mattered to him. Since then, I have been forced to live with my parents. I doubt if I can return to him because I wasn’t born to suffer.”

    The respondent, Uchenna, said a month after their wedding, his wife insisted on returning to her parents house and left two months ago.

    Uchenna denied beating her, alleging that she packed out of her own volition.

    “We were not forced to marry each other; it was consensual. This is happening because I advised her to act like a married woman to which she objected. I still love her and am not ready for dissolution,” he said.

    The court’s President, Pa Adekunle Williams, fixed meeting with the couple and asked them to bring along two relatives each for July 13.

  • From you to me

    Yes, you said it all last Saturday. And I agree with you, but the truth is that most us have become victims of our own religions, not only the witnesses, and that is why many believe that religion is a sign of mental disorder. – Gabriel, No 1 Hearts Fan (08073518704).

    •Dear Adeola, I am indeed appr eciative of your contributions to humanity. Thanks for the 10 points on  how to be romantic. Kindly print my name for a female friend. 080631324 73. Age 30 to 35. – Barrister Abraham, Kaduna South.

    •I’m Israel Nwosu. I’m a teacher and a poet. 30th May will be my birthday. I just want to b your friend. Your piece of March 2013 was a classic. 2. You are good. (07081650926).

    •Your advice on mixed status was not good enough, pray that the young 20 year old girl is not infected, if she is lucky quit the relationship and look for healthy man. Reverse the case, the man would have sent the girl packing, no question on love at all. A lady did that but very sorrowful they died one after another. By the way if the girl is one’s daughter what will be the reaction to this? I say QUIT. 08032069635.

  • The contract (3) : It Happened To Me

    o you are married! But you don’t look it,” he stated, his eyes going over the blue T-shirt and skinny jeans I had on.

    I found his comment amusing.

    “So, how do married women look?” I asked him.

    “Well, they look stressed and harassed most of the time, especially the ones with kids. You look cool and calm,” he said in an admiring tone. We chatted for a while before he left.

    To me, he was just a customer I had to be polite to for the sake of business, but I did not know I had made quite an impression on him.

    The following week, he called me on the store’s landline.

    “What gift are you getting for your sister this time?” I queried after he had introduced himself and remembering what he had come for the last time.

    He laughed.

    “No gift this time,” he stated. “I just wanted to hear your voice.”

    “Is that so?” I noted, adding: “Don’t you have anything better to do than be calling to just hear someone’s voice?”

    “You are right. I’m on leave so I have a lot of leisure time right now,” he explained.

    “Good for you. But not everyone is so lucky. I’m a bit busy at the moment as there are a lot of customers to attend to. So, bye,” I stated and tried to hang up.

    “Hey, hold on a minute. I’ll be in your neighbourhood later in the day. I was wondering if I could take you out for lunch or something,” he quickly stated.

    “Well, Mr Max, thanks for the offer but as I said I’m busy. Besides I don’t do lunches with strangers. Have a nice day,” and I dropped the phone, a bit annoyed. Thinking he was one of those young men who liked to date married women for monetary gains, I dismissed him from my mind. Though, he called several times after that day, I refused to speak with him.

    About a month later, I went to the bank to transfer some money to one of my suppliers abroad. It was a large sum of money and I was directed to one of the managers to help with the transaction.

    I opened the door to the manager’s office and sitting behind the table was Max!

    “What are you doing here?” I queried, surprised to see him.

    He looked shocked to see me too.

    “I work here,” he stated, offering me a seat.

    “I didn’t know you worked in this bank. I come here often,” I said.

    “I was transferred to this branch after my leave. Besides you never gave me a chance to get to know me,” he said a bit accusingly.

    “So, what can I do for you, Madam?” he asked. I told him what I wanted and he quickly attended to me.

    Before leaving, I said:

    “I’m sorry about the abrupt way I treated you the other day. I thought you…”

    “I know. That I was one of these hustlers in town,” and he laughed.

    I smiled, glad that he had taken it in good faith.

    He called a few days later and we began to speak regularly on phone. I got to know a bit about him. He had been married but his wife had died in a car accident two years before, leaving behind a little girl of four.

    “My mother and sister help look after her as I’m too busy with work,” he stated. I felt sorry for him, that he had to lose his wife so young.

    At this stage, Max and I were just good friends. I grew to like him with time as he was such an amiable and likeable person. I remembered the arrangement I had with my husband though and tried to keep things platonic between us. I was not ready to lose everything just for a fling.

    Things however changed some months later. It was a Saturday morning and I was in the store when Max walked in with a little girl in tow. It was Lola, his daughter.

    “This is Aunty Amanda. Greet her,” he said.

    “Good morning, Aunty,” she said, looking up at me with her big, innocent eyes.

    “Hi, Lola!” I greeted, bending down to hold her.

    “She’s so cute,” I said.

    “Yes. She must have taken after her mother,” he stated, smiling.

    “You are not bad looking yourself,” I said and we both laughed.

    He explained that he wanted to spend some time with Lola as it was his day off.

    “I had told her about you and she insisted on meeting you and inviting you to join us on the outing,” he said. I initially wanted to turn him down but seeing the little motherless child touched my heart and I agreed to the date.

    Max drove us to a theme park in town. It had lots of games for children and Lola ran around, playing excitedly on some of them. Later, I watched as Max pushed her on a swing and seeing the closeness and love between father and daughter affected me strongly. Call it the maternal instinct, but at that moment, I felt this strong urge to have a child of my own, a little girl like Lola that I will dress in pretty clothes, plait her hair and do other things that a caring mother did.

    For one of the few times, I felt sad that I did not have a normal marriage with my husband. ‘How wonderful it would have been to have a couple of kids that we could take to places like this, have fun together as a family,’ I thought glumly.

    “So, how’s your husband?” Max asked sometime later as we had lunch at a nearby eatery.

    “He’s fine. He’s out of the country right now on business,” I stated.

    “It looks as if he travels a lot. So, how do you cope in his absence?” he said.

    I shrugged.

    “I’m used to it. Besides, I have my own business to run so I’m quite busy as well,” I explained, with a forced smile.

    He looked keenly at me for a while but said nothing.

    Days after the outing, I still could not shake off that broody feeling, that strong desire to have my own baby. I knew my arrangement with my husband did not permit that but I kept thinking, what if it happened by accident? Perhaps, we both got drunk, slept together and I got pregnant? Will he ask me to get rid of the baby?

    I thought about this a lot until it evolved into a plan. My intention was to seduce my husband and hopefully conceive.

    So, on the night of his return from his trip, I showered and put on one of my sexy nighties, a short pink one with thin straps.

    My husband was sitting in bed, working on his laptop when I entered his room. He looked up in surprise when he saw me.

    “I thought you were asleep. Is there anything you want?” he asked.

    “Yes. You. I want my husband.” I slipped the straps of the gown over my arms and it slithered down on the floor. I stood naked, waiting. But instead of desire, the only reaction I got from him was anger.

    He jumped up then from the bed, his eyes flashing with irritation.

    “Amanda! What do you think you are doing? Get hold of yourself! And go to your room. Now!” he ordered, fuming…

     

  • Me, too died for seven minutes

    Since this must be the season for dying and resurrection, I, also suffered the Lazarus syndrome last Monday after reading what I want to call Patience’s profundus. Our adorable and freshly regenerated first lady, Dame Patience Jonathan had announced to the watching world last Sunday during a resurrection thanksgiving and party that she must have died for at least seven days last year but for the grace of God. I think I must have ‘died’ too while reading the account of her demise and how she eventually shamed death. I want to wager that not a few Nigerians must have been put to ‘death’ by that presidential opera if only for a brief moment. After all, are we not in a semi moribund state where most of the people are either perpetually lying in state of the state is lying to them?

    The first set of people who must have died by association to the wife of the president must be her aides and speechwriters. Dame Jonathan in one inspired moment tossed aside what must have been a carefully prepared speech and delved into what may yet be recorded as her most profound, off-the-cuff remarks ever. One is rather familiar with such situations when a principal cuts loose and dances far away from the choreographed paths at public functions. Their aides literally die, often on their feet and with eyes open. Frozen, petrified and indeed mummified by the open display of their principal, they remain helplessly ‘dead’ hoping that the star of the story would return to the well paved paths. It would amount to being doubly dead if your-principal-gone-loose was a Dame Patience Jonathan. I wasn’t there of course, but I could empathize with her aides throughout the duration of Madam’s spirit-led speech.

    While her aides ‘died’ because Madam must have ‘scattered’ a carefully plotted script that must have been consistent with earlier tales of travelling for holidays and rest, I had passed out for different reasons. I was in deathly shock upon realizing first hand, how Nigeria, our great country is run on lies; I died out of the wanton deceit and casual dishonorableness that define high offices in our land today. I died as a result of the starkly arid intellectual atmosphere pervading the land and the vacuous histrionics wafting from our seat of power. I died for seven minutes.

    But I was far luckier in my moribund state than our adorable first lady. Not because she was ‘away’ on death leave for all of seven days while I had only the leisure of just seven minutes but for several other reasons. First I don’t have such great valuables like exotic jewelry for my two-faced friends and hangers-on to make away with during my state of deadness. Surely I did not undergo any surgeries at all not to talk of nine by our dainty Dame. Though she forgot to tell us what ailed her tummy for her to suffer nine cuts and patches on it. I, of course have no such duodenal challenges to warrant such luxury of a multiple splicing. On the other hand, I would be a disgrace among well-healed Nigerian men and women. A well-rounded tummy and a healthy backside are the landmarks of the wealthy Nigerian person. I must be a poor specimen of the great Nigerian persona. Yes, I paint the picture of the average Nigerian journalist who has carved a niche lamenting about the great Nigerian debacle while others feed fat on it. But my only solace, as it has turned out now, is that one would not have to die of tummy trouble.

    Unlike our dear Dame who admonished Nigerians to stop playing politics with sicknesses, the nature of which they were not told, nobody played politics with my ‘sickness’ and my seven minutes situation. Who would want a mere columnist’s space anyway except those who wish for accelerated graying and a touch of white beard to boot. And if anybody politicized my condition, I could never have known because I was not playing politics with my demise either.

    The most profound aspect of the Dame’s pronouncement is her confessed realization of the vanity and futility of life. She said her experience thought her that there was nothing like First Lady, realizing that she was “a common woman and my name is simply Patience”. On this point, there may be a convergence of minds between us. Yours truly had long made shirt and trousers of the fact that life is but a candle, fluttering and futile. Me, I have always been simple Stephen; in fact, Steve for ease and convenience. I guess it is safe to say to Mrs. Jonathan, “welcome to my world, to terra firma.”

    Finally, while the Dame has sanitized Aso rock and exorcised the morbid demons that often seek to consume the occupants and as well as throw a Presidential feast to celebrate her survival, her fellow returnee from ‘dead’ has a word of advice for her. She must remember that someday soon (!) she will cease to be the number one woman in Nigeria. Then she will be truly, truly ‘common Patience’. What are we going to remember her for: dying and returning back to life after seven days; for having tummy challenges; for large ceremonies and parties; for building a mammoth edifice to some forlorn African women tin gods; for lending a voice against the wave of unprecedented violence against women and initiating help centres for women across senatorial zones; for fighting the rampaging maternal mortality in the country through mother and child hospitals?

    Now that God has delivered her, if only she can think legacy, she may well be remembered as one of the greatest women to pass through Aso Rock.

    LAST MUGS: (1 )Onolomemen and the 3rd Mainland Bridge: in one breath, the Works Minister, Mike Onolomemen tells us this bridge is safe and in another, he says there is need to start “progressive maintenance of the bridge,” which may cost as much as N5 billion. Though the bridge may not be on the verge of imminent collapse as feared by Sen. Gbenga Ashafa who is calling attention to it, we are suggesting a comprehensive review of the 35-year-old facility. Why don’t we get the builders to do this check? This government is often quite comfortable living in denial.

    (2) ICPC and the 4 governors: Not a few Nigerian must have been shocked by the remark credited to the chairman of the Independent Corrupt Practices (and Other Related Offences) Commission (ICPC), Mr. Ekpo Nta that four governors would soon be arraigned for trial. Who are these four? We will not say until investigations are completed, he says. But why is he flying such infantile if devious kite? Are these the same governors the other parallel Commission told us were to be tried a few months ago? Could ICPC and EFCC prosecute the same set of offenders? Is this another ploy for extortionate plea-bargaining that has tarred the work of EFCC? Not one governor has been successfully tried since 2003, where is ICPC going to start now? Why don’t we delineate areas for these two bodies?

    It is a pity that the very important job of fighting corruption has been mired by both ICPC and EFCC. Sadly, they seem to have become victims of their sordid environment.

  • ‘How Olori Oko made me’

    ‘How Olori Oko made me’

    Adedayo Liadi is a choreographer and dancer. He is equally the creator and owner of Ijodee Dance Company whose concept is for the development of modern African dance patterns. He was also the lead dancer in the Olori Oko dance projected by the Infinity musical group. In this chat with Edozie Udeze, Liadi discusses how contemporary dance has made him popular, rich, and created a brand for him and lots more

     

    There’s this product that has been branded in the name of Ijodee, your dance company. What does it entail?

    The performance which we had recently in Lagos was connected with a new car engine oil called bestlub. It was branded in my name by the owner. It has just come into the market. I have been signed to be the ambassador of the product. The name of the director is Jide Taiwo and the performance on that day was a big ceremony to bring all his customers together. He did that because he believed in my pattern of dance, especially with the role I played in Olori Oko.

    In that programme too, we had in attendance many Nigerian young and up coming dancers. It was an opportunity for them to see one of their own being branded. The idea too was for them to witness it and see how dance can be used as a tool to re-engineer Nigeria and make the youths focus on it as a profession. That was why the likes of Frank of the Big Brother Africa was there as one of the judges of the event. Nneka, a teacher in Maltina Dance Hall, was also present. Uche Onanwu of the same Maltina fame was part of the show.

    Generally, it was an opportunity to use dance to reach out to a lot of people. That was why Mr. Taiwo did not want to miss that opportunity of ensuring that prominent dance practitioners were in attendance. That was why also he used the Agape Hall in Gbagada to do it so as to give dancers ample space to dance and entertain the guests.

    What is happening to the concept of Olori Oko which you helped to create?

    I don’t really know. All I know is that I was just a dance consultant for Olori Oko. Olori Oko dance as it was constituted then belonged to Infinity. Infinity as a team is still much together. However, about two of the members of the team have left. Last year, I performed again with them. This year again, they have contacted me about the many shows they intend to do. Even though one or two people had left, they are still doing their thing.

    What is so unique about Olori Oko dance pattern that young dancers want to identify with it?

    What happened in Olori Oko, for instance, was the display of the unique technique of Ijodee. And as a dance critic, you should know what that sort of concept does to the mind of the young. They want to identify with it. That was actually what made me popular in the Nigerian dance scene.

    Olori Oko was an eye-opener for me and that was why I decided to do it. It was for me to show the people how to use dance in a good music like that. It was to let people know that we don’t really need to dance from behind all the time. We are supposed to make a statement with the movements we display on stage. It was for us to show our bodies, for that was the training I received as a choreographer, dancer and music exponent.

    When I was trained in Europe, the concept was how to make statement with movements and not just to exhibit your body on stage. It wasn’t so much as to display nudity in musical ideas but to let the people appreciate how the body moves on stage. That was the idea.

    Who created the Olori Oko concept?

    I’d say we shared the ideas about it. It was between the Infinity group and my self. I brought all the ideas of the movement. I set the stage actually, brought in the drums and positioned them. Then, I brought all the dancers and did my dance patterns. Then the director liked what I did and that was how we went on with it.

    They did their own stuff too. But the idea of the stage light was done by me. All these made the work of the director much easier.

    On the whole, it was more like an experiment, because we had an idea. Then we said to ourselves let us see how we can make it work and it did work out. Today we give all the glory to God.

    What does contemporary dance mean to you?

    Contemporary dance to me is now. Contemporary to me is today. It is what you create now, what you have done now. It doesn’t really have a long meaning or concept. It is a dance of the moment and your ability to create the necessary dance steps and patterns to go with the concept.

    And because you just create it now, it means contemporary. By tomorrow, if you decide to change it, because you can change it, it still means the same thing. But what happens is that contemporary dance makes sense, it makes meaning, yet a lot of people do not know that. With the kind of dance people do in Nigeria, they do movement for the sake of movement. But in reality, with contemporary dance, you do it to make statements.

    How do you imagine the dance patterns that give you the movements on stage?

    I conceptualise a lot of things before I take them into the stage. I also take a lot of ideas from people around me. I listen to people a lot and I don’t keep a lot of things to myself. When I am working, I even listen to my dancers. A statement can spring up an idea in my head. I am not rigid when I am working. I am usually open to a lot of ideas, ideas that help to create dance patterns in my head.

    In the end, I take home the idea that makes more meaning to me. This helps me to create the ideas that have made Ijodee Dance Company what it is today.

    You have brought this sort of dance closer to the people. Do you think you are being appreciated?

    I will say to God be glory… Oh, yes, I have been very much appreciated. When we started it was very difficult; no one gave us a chance. But today, Ijodee dance patterns have come to stay. After the success of Olori Oko, people could see what we can do with contemporary dance. Today, more people have chosen to be dancers and the profession is growing.

    We have seen what we can do with African dance movement on stage and how they can be used to entertain the people.

    It has all shown us how far we can go; how far we can develop our African dance patterns. We don’t need to wait for the West to do it for us. This is so because we have the idea; we have the training to be our own masters. That is why I am happy that indigenous coaches have become important in African football. That is what we need to do in music, in dance too, so that our people can take over and make a lot of money from it. That’s my joy as a choreographer, as a professional dancer and composer.

    You have trained a lot of people in this business. How do you assess their progress so far?

    I will also say to God be the glory. It is one of my dreams to train people, to help them discover who they are. It is not just me, because today I have plenty of such people working on their own. They are all doing fine now especially in the area of modern African dance. I am still working together with lots of the people who passed through me. And I am glad it is so.

    Are you really making money from this dance?

    Eh, yes, there is money in it. Yes, I will say I am making money. But we shouldn’t look at the money aspect of it. We have also to consider the professional aspect of it and the proper statements we have to make with the dances we develop. Yes, if you do it well, it gives you money, real money.

    Just like me, I have decided not to do anyhow productions. It is only good productions that can give you money and make you popular. And that’s what I do and that’s why I have got to the level I am today. And I must tell you I am happy doing what I am doing. It gives me a lot of joy.

     

  • From you to me

    •Adeola, my dear, the lady after my heart. God bless you. You don’t know how many lives you touch every Saturday. Your articles make my day. As I was reading your article of 26 Jan 2012, I read the story of Dami. It is not only the women but some men too are fraudsters too.

    Most of them call telling you that they are in the EFCC cell, that you should send recharge cards. Some call telling that their divorce case is in court that he you should provide money for the divorce case and that once that is over then he gets married to you. Further investigations, you discover there is no divorce and the person is happily married. You find someone you have not seen telling you I love you.

     

    •Adeola, I don’t know what the world is turning into. I remember days of pen pals. I have seen people get married through this. There are genuine ones out there also the ones who are fraudsters and more. All you do is if your profile is published be on alert, be careful, be warned, that is just the truth. Most of the men calling may not have genuine interest, all they are looking for is bed partners or to dupe one. Please keep it up. Don’t let these fraudsters kill your vision.

    God bless you. Have a great day. – Onyi, 08028260208.

     

    •Hi Deola, more power to your elbow. My name is Adeyinka Olowoniyi, I’m a reader of your articles because I’m also in matchmaking business and I want to react to the guy who said a girl duped him. Maybe the guy is impotent or how can someone be so foolish that you are in love with someone you have never seen before. I beg continue with your good work. God will crown your efforts.

     

     

  • Me and the oga madams

    I have an older cousin, Fola Ajibola who calls her husband ‘my oga’ and I have a friend, Bimbo Odedeji who has been addressing her husband as ‘my lord’ for all the 17 years of their marriage. That’s on one hand.

    On the other hand, I know of a woman who tells her husband that if he is not home at a particular time of the day, there won’t be food for him and for four months running, she has not cooked for him as he has not been returning at that stipulated time. You may want to know the time she set. Well, it is 6.30pm! Once he’s not home by 6.30pm or 7.00pm the grace time, there won’t be food. Pronto!

    I also know a woman who competes with her husband on all activities. If he can go out and hang out with the men till late, she can also have her limitless ladies night. If she needs to go out for a function, she needs no permission as he also doesn’t take permissions to attend functions. After all, he just announces that he has an event to attend and she doesn’t have to agree to it before he goes, so why should she take permissions from him?

    To my very old-fashioned mind, I will rather embrace the woman who calls her husband ‘my oga’ and the one who calls him ‘my-lord’ than the woman who sets boarding house rules for her husband. I won’t also want to be friends with the one who competes with her husband.

    I may be thinking this way not only because I am old-fashioned. I may have seen so much joy in the home of my cousin that I would rather copy a woman like her.

    Fola was born in England and was raised by her very successful father and my highly sophisticated aunty. She schooled in England and she runs one of the most successful online shoe businesses that I know of.

    She also shuttles between Zurich and Dubai for lace materials and gold, which she sells in London. So by all means, she’s not an illiterate and she is really exposed.

    Fola loves ‘gisting’ on the phone and you could hear her giggling across many miles when we talk on the phone, but the moment she hears the key in the lock signaling her husband’s arrival from work, she announces that her ‘oga’ is back and she has to receive him. You can bet that she would rush downstairs to meet him no matter what she’s doing.

    Calling her husband oga does not take away romance from their marriage; it only constantly reminds her that the man is the head of the home and in the order of things, his opinions come first. Well, her husband literally eats from her palms and they are truly happy because she gives him the respect men want. He reciprocates by giving her all the support she might need for the growth of her business and she gets the cooperation she needs in the house.

    Bimbo, maybe because her husband is her lord, has never raised her voice on her husband even during arguments. You won’t want to rubbish the man you call your lord; would you?

    For me, I love endearing words like ‘honey’ ‘darling’ ‘sweetie’ and I may even experiment with ‘my gift’, ‘my treasure’ and so on, but subconsciously, my man is still my oga no matter how ‘stupid’ some people may call that. If by being nice and respectful, I get my peace and my happiness, why not continue to be just that.

    Were dun wo, ko se bi lomo.  That’s one wicked Yoruba saying that literarily means a ‘mad man is good to watch for amusement but nobody wants to have a mad child’. I honestly enjoy relating the stories of the fights and disagreements that most often than not come up in the homes of the women who are themselves ogas in their homes, but I would hate to have their experiences. I maybe madam in my office; in fact I’m madam to my domestic staff but to become oga madam in the home to my partner, may God not give me such powers.