The Nation Newspaper

Tag: misfortune

  • How youths can be financially independent

    When struck by misfortune and poverty, many people tend to seek succour in religion or fetish ideologies. To some people who never have the opportunity to become wealthy, money suddenly becomes evil. They usually console themselves with sayings, such as: “money can’t buy happiness”, and “money is not everything”. Quite often, people’s response to financial failure is unnecessary resentment.

    Money matters. It always will. We must admit this. So what?

    Before you give up and claim this as your destiny, remember even as religious people, we know there are ends and there are means to get to them. So, what happens to money making? Does any kind of religion in the world deny a man from seeking the bounty of the Lord? No! Whether religious or non-religious, good things of the world are there for man to enjoy. Why not probe into why money seems elusive?

    It is understandable that getting rich in Nigeria seems to be an uphill task. The system seems rigged against us. We have a government that consumes up to half of that national resources, and corrupt politicians, who care little about the wellbeing of the citizens. Many Nigerians face the daunting task of making a headway. Setting up a goal on money sure does require some courage. But like any other enterprise, getting rich has its dos and don’ts. As students and young people, we can arm ourselves with tips I have found workable.

    First, let us admit we need money. This sounds simple but it’s a great deal. As many prefer to shy away from talking about it, it is never a good idea hiding what you are born with. Every human is destined to crave for convenience. Money buys some comfort. And to deny such is to be ashamed of how we are created. Nothing drives a man to success than a desire to succeed in anything. We must know this; it is a golden rule.

    Secondly, we must save money. Remember, as a student, we started accumulating knowledge in ones and twos. The same thing goes for money. Unless some of us have wealthy parents from whom we can inherit property that can fetch us fortunes, there is a need to save the little we have if we want to have a foothold in the financial world. If not, we can be impoverished forever. Let us kill that monstrous fear now and begin to save, possibly five to 10 per cent of money we have. That is how to get ourselves off the ground, even if we have no one to finance our ideas.

    Thirdly, we must suspend desires and buy only what’s necessary. Benjamin Franklin said: “Beware of little expenses; a small leak will sink a great ship.” Most Nigerians live beyond their means of livelihood, believing, erroneously though, that money comes their way by accident and more will come. Well it does come by accident but goes by choice. Until we learn how to live below our source of income, most young people will always have a lean purse.

    Investment is another key value we must imbibe. What obviously can we do with our savings? If we ever want cash to always flow in our direction, we must create for ourselves the kind of opportunity we create for others. That is, unless we have something we sell for others, the money we spend will never come back to us.

    Make no mistake, investment does not necessarily have to be on buying and selling of goods. A worthy self-improvement pays even more dividends than material goods. Let us take a cue from writers, graphic designers, carpenters, public speakers, etc.

    Let us continue to seek for knowledge. This is a must, if we want to improve our condition. Most start-ups lost their money to lack of knowledge. In an intellectual world, everyone who wishes to thrive must seek knowledge constantly to keep up with the pace of a fast-developing world, lest they would be consumed by leaping blindly or get duped by downright liars or fake advertisers. Knowledge gives us power.

    Neither in today’s world nor in the past has long-term success ever favoured mediocrity. If it seems to thrive at first, it’s only a matter of time before it gets swallowed by the presence of the originals. Let’s make sure we always give our best to see the best result.

    Lastly, we need to place a premium on human relationship. Nothing can be compared to good relationship among humans. No human loves to deal with robotic or emotionless human. Create a cordial atmosphere where people are free to engage you.

     

    • Ali is a student of Usmanu Danfodiyo University, Sokoto

  • Dazini’s misfortune (2)

    There was a gentle tap on her shoulder. Gentle enough to wake her up to reality. She opened her eyes, but she could not see the person who tapped her shoulder. She cleared her eyes with her left palm. And she saw clearly. She was no longer in the sitting room where she and her mum had shed uncontrollable tears.

    The whole place was beautiful. And sweet-scented. She was puzzled. She wondered what she was doing there, and how she had gotten there. There was no one around she could ask.

    But she could not but be fascinated with the beauty of the garden-like environment. This must be another Garden of Eden, Dazini thought. In no time fear seized her entire being. But just before she decided to scream, there came again a gentle tap on her shoulder. She turned to see who was there.

    She did not see anybody. The fear in her increased a thousand fold. The tap came again. And she turned again. Still there was no one. Then came a voice. A voice more than terrestrial.

    “Welcome!”

    She was startled. And she jumped up.

    “Who are you and where are you?”

    She did not get any reply.

    “I said who are you and where are you?”

    Still there was no reply.

    “What the hell am I doing here?”

    And the reply came.

    “To answer for all you deeds on earth…”

    She laughed.  A rancorous one at that.

    “Do you mean I’m dead and no longer on the earth?”

    “Yes…”

    “You can’t be serious…”

    “I’m more than serious. The difference between the state of sleeping and dying is very minute. I hope you know that.”

    “What is your name, who are you and where are you?” she cut in.

    “I’m Mr. Judgment…”

    “Mr. Judgment? Can’t you show your face?”

    All Dazini got for a reply was a chuckle.

    “Answer me now…”

    Mr. Judgment did not say anything.

    Tears gathered in her eye-lid. She could not believe that she was dead. The last she knew before finding herself in this perfect environment was that she was crying with her mum. To think that in such a short interval somebody who identified himself as Mr. Judgment was telling her she no longer belonged to earth sickened her.

    For the first time since she found herself in this environment she took a proper look at herself and discovered that she was naked. Stark naked.

    She soon became more confused when she was transformed into a different environment, where a full moon forced its way out from a sheet of dark-blue cloud, showering the area with silvery beams. You could see people walking down the different sides of the asphalted road. It was night fall already and the number of vehicles on the road had drastically reduced. Many of them had been parked in garages.

    The canopied trees lining the road created the illusion of mercury bright drops. Dazini was over-powered by some strange feeling and she could not but whistle. The moon and the dark patches of the cloud soon got entangled in some fierce battle. In the end, the moon had its way. And the area got more dosage of gentle rays of light.

    The beauty of the area could have filled Dazini with joy and satisfaction. But her heart was heavy. A thought was yet to take shape in her mind when Mr. Judgment spoke again. This time, she was back in the environment she likened to the Garden of Eden.

    “Do you like this environment?”

    She did not answer.

    “Do you like this environment?”

    She first hesitated, but later answered in the affirmative.

    “You sure like good things…” commented Mr. Judgment,” but I’m sorry to inform you that you are not home yet. This place is not meant for looters like you.”

    She could not protest.

    “Bye forever,” announced Mr. Judgment.

    Then a being she could not describe appeared from nowhere, grabbed her and dragged her towards an inferno she had not seen anything like before. And made to drop her inside…

    ***************************

    “Ye, ye,” she shouted and was back to life in her beautiful London mansion.

    “What is it?” Madam Ikuku asked, jumping up from the floor where they had both fallen asleep after minutes of shedding hot tears.

    Dazini cleaned the sweat on her face. She was shaking.

    “What is the problem?” Madam Ikuku asked again.

    Then, the dreaded six-letter word headline Dazini forfeits $153m to Fed Govt came to her mind again. And the tears increased. It had indeed been another long night filled with scary dreams.

    She was too saddened to notice that it was only 422a.m. Sleep had been murdered and thrown out of the window.

    “How did I get here?” she asked herself.

    It all started when a long-standing family friend, Dr. Luck Than, accidentally found himself in power as the president and pulled her out of what she thought was a well-paying job. First, she was put in-charge of the Ministry of Works. Her first major assignment was a tour of the Lagos-Benin Expressway. The road was a death trap. There were craters almost on every one kilometre. Some of the craters were big enough to swallow a danfo. She was shocked at her discovery and she wept and the cameras caught her and she appeared on the front pages of many a newspaper.

    She could not fix the road before she was moved to another ministry, where she was off the public radar for some time. Then what appeared to be her breakthrough, which time soon turned to her doom, was her movement to the Ministry of Petroleum Resources.

    By this time, she had become the golden fish and there was no hidden place for her. Men courted her friendship. Women were not left out. Black and white people and even albinos fell over one another to be in her good books. Bank executives, oil sheiks and politicians either prayed to find her favour or get some juju to make her see things their way.

    Her face became an everyday feature in the media. The blogs scooped around for gossips about her. Twitter, facebook and what have you heard about the grace of this woman and could not but join in telling her story, real or imagined.

    It seemed like a roller coaster. But like life itself, everything has an end. Dr Than was defeated in an election that many thought might end in bloodshed.

    A phone call cut into her thought. The time was now 7a.m. She stood and walked to where the phone was and she sighted The Carnivorous City for the second time in about 24 hours. The caller was Jide Luko, a business associate and one of those who benefitted from her magnanimity as minister. Luko’s firm, Twelve Energy Limited, got a juicy oil bloc, cheated the government in the payment of signature fee, took loans from banks and never paid back, among many other atrocities. He became so rich that he owned an estate in Beverly Hills and went around the world with a famous model, Aomi Candle.

    “Hello,” she said on picking the phone.

    “Hello Madam, I am almost in your house as agreed,” Luko said.

    It was only then it occurred to Dazini that she was supposed to be going with Luko to see an Oncologist.

    “I have forgotten,” she said. And before Luko could say anything else, she added: “Can we reschedule? I am not really in a good shape. The last 24 hours has been terrible and it all started with that report about me forfeiting $153m to the federal government.”

    “I am sorry, my sister. I can understand what you are going through, especially with your state of health, the international probe and the media trial back home. That is enough to break down anybody. I will get the Oncologist to reschedule. He is a very good friend and I am sure he will willingly create time whenever you are ready.”

    “Thank you my brother and God bless you,” she said, as she hung up.

    She called Atete to get her Tramadol. She took two and told her mother she was going in to rest. Madam Ikuku followed her daughter in and together they mounted the bed. They did not fall asleep immediately. They tried some chit-chats, with Madam Ikuku doing most of the talking. She talked about what a blessing she had been to her and the fact that she would always be proud of her no matter what the world thought. Dazini was close to crying at some point, but she avoided it because she knew it would not change her misfortune. Sleep soon took control of their lives.

    ***************************

    Dazini wakes up. Her mother is no longer with her. The Tramadol must have really knocked her off. She checks the wall clock. The time is 8pm. It means she has slept for about 12 hours and she still feels like sleeping. She needs to eat and take her medications. She stands up and picks a shirt and trousers from the wardrobe to cover herself nakedness.

    As she makes for the sitting room, a voice seems to tell her: “This is the time to call your pastor. This is the time to make peace with God. This is the time.”

    She has heard and ignored the voice before. Now, she feels like she is getting to a point of no return and who else but God can save her soul and make her whole again?

    Dazini decides right there that the time has come to give God a chance to perfect things in her life and turn her misfortune around. She no longer wants to be hunted by Dazini forfeits $153m to Fed Govt or any other thing.

  • Dazini’s misfortune (1)

    Dazini’s misfortune (1)

    Dazini forfeits $153m to Fed Govt.

    The six-word newspaper headline tore her 54-year-old heart and she felt like she was going to go down with a cardiac arrest. The words looked to her like a suicide bomber ready to strike with 100 per cent precision. Her eyes began to moisten. Everything in the beautiful London mansion meant nothing to her. She was too soaked in tears to notice the sparkling marbles on the floor or the gold-plated L-shaped chair she was sitting on.

    The loads on her mind were too much for her Howard and Cambridge degrees to bear. Her past status as some sort of Alice in Wonderland or Cleopatra made no meaning to her now. She was down and struggling not to be out.

    “My daughter, it is not the end of the world,” Madam Ikuku said to her.

    But she was literally deaf. She just starred at the beautiful sitting room but saw nothing but a huge hell hole.

    “Dazini, calm down,” Madam Ikuku said after a few seconds.

    Still, she did not hear her 80-year-old mother’s plea. And this made the old woman extremely sad. Her beautiful daughter’s life had been turned upside down in the last one and a half years. Her beauty had literally faded. Heads no longer turned on seeing her. Perhaps they turned in pity of what she had become.

    Madam Ikuku was close to tears too for this daughter she raised with silver spoon at the beautiful Shell Camp in Port Harcourt. Her paths, Madam Ikuku recalled, were laced with opportunities. She had had almost the best that this world could offer: good upbringing, good education, good jobs, the best of political appointments available in their country.

    Dazini looked at her worried mother for the first time in almost an hour. She touched her head. It had become almost bald. The little hair on it was fresh and grey.  Her back started hurting badly. She had been advised not sit so low. She adjusted herself and the words appeared in her memory again: Dazini forfeits $153m to Fed Govt.

    The pain these words gave her reminded her of the effect of the surgery, chemotherapy and radiotherapy she had had to endure as a result of an aggressive form of breast cancer. On one occasion, she even slipped into natural and induced coma.

    That day Madam Ikuku thought the end had come. And she wished she died first before her daughter would be pronounced dead while she was still alive. But after five painful days, she rose from the dead and her pains continued on earth. It was not long after this that the London Metropolitan Police came calling. They searched everywhere and only found 27,000 Pounds but the reports about the search inflated the figures ridiculously. Her home in Abuja was also frisked by the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) that day.

    Dazini forfeits $153m to Fed Govt.

    These words again came to her memory. Some steps away from her position was The Carnivorous City, Toni Kan’s latest novel about Lagos, crime, sex and an elder brother who ended up ‘marrying’ his missing younger brother’s wife and wished he would never be found. The copy was brought in from Lagos by Daniella, her cousin whose love for Kan and anything he wrote could only be described as legendary.

    Reading was a luxury Dazini could not afford at the moment. She was between the devil and the deep blue sea. She was fighting cancer and at the same time battling to keep what was left of her reputation. She had been turned upside down so much that she could not even recognise herself in some of the writings about her. Facts had married fictions and telling the difference or the meeting point was a task too much for her troubled brain.

    **************************

    From an early age, Dazini was not confused about what she wanted to be. A particular event helped shape her. Her father, Ignatius Amama, was a Big Boy with Shell Petroleum Development Company. And they were living in Shell Camp in Port Harcourt, a picturesque city, a city of promise, a city flowing with milk and honey, a city where dreams came alive and a city where great minds found the room to flourish and flower.

    Like Lagos, it was some form of convergence for races. Igbo, Yoruba, Hausa, Kanuri, Ibibio and others saw in Port Harcourt a home away from home.

    Port Harcourt of yore was not a city where fear walked on all fours. It was a city where people loved their neigbours like themselves. It was a beautiful city. So beautiful they rechristened it Garden City because of the choreographed embrace between its well-laid road networks and flowers lining them.

    In it, oil giants made money and were not afraid. Their gates were not manned by stern-looking soldiers or riot policemen. Neither were their key figures escorted everywhere by gun-toting security men.

    The Nigerian civil war was the first blow on Port Harcourt. Igbo who saw the Rivers State capital as home put their all into it. They built houses, industries and so on there. Then came the war and their properties were confisticated all in the name of abandoned properties. Their attempts to reclaim their toils after the war were resisted. Though some got back their due with time, not a few lost their properties forever.

    After the war, Port Harcourt seemed to get its groove back. But the return to democracy in 1999 marked another twist. Politicians — out to show strength —  armed young and jobless youths with rifles and machine guns. Opponents were taken down with ease. Key political figures, such as Chief Marshal Harry, were killed and the culprits never found not to talk of being brought to justice.

    Dazini’s father was not happy with the way oil giant was treating the Nigerian employees and he turned himself into an advocate for the oppressed. This did not go down well with the expatriates who soon threw him out of the Shell Camp. Their properties were flung into a truck and they thus said goodbye to their beautiful home.

    Pa Amma’s grouse was that the oil giant came in promising the people heaven on earth only to even treat their Nigerian workers with disdain. That event made her decide to position herself well to be able to get the oil giants to do the right thing.

    **************************

    Her reverie was cut short by the arrival of Atete, her house keeper. Atete was the live-in lover of a militant who almost killed her with constant beating before she rescued her and took her from Yenagoa to Abuja when she was minister. She moved with her to London after she left office. Atete had shown so much loyalty that she felt she would be so useful for her at this critical phase of her life. The cancer diagnosis had been made while she was still in office and she disappeared once in a while to London for treatment under the disguise of official assignments.

    Atete was holding some magazines. They looked like the soft-sells from Nigeria. They were. Her friend who just relocated from Nigeria brought them and gave her the copies because they contained stories about her Madam.

    The stories were simply salacious linking her with no less than four younger men. These were men she had dealings with as minister. The reporters concluded that they got the deals from her ministry because she was going to bed with all of them. One even wrote that she was some form of nymphomaniac whose older husband could not please sexually.

    Dazini had heard all kinds of stories of her supposed sexual exploits before and was learning to develop tick skin.

    After the greetings, Atete simply walked in with the magazines without bothering to discuss them or show them to her boss. She had seen enough of the pains of the once-beautiful woman now ravaged by cancer to add to them with the gossips in the magazines.

    As Atete left for her room, those words Dazini forfeits $153m to Fed Govt came tearing at her heart again and the tears came, now ferociously. Her mother could not resist the temptation to join in this time around.

    It was certainly going to be another long night and the ominous clouds seemed not about to give way to a beautiful blue sky.

    • The story continues

     

  • Strings of misfortune hit sector

    Strings of misfortune hit sector

    The outgoing year has been challenging for the petroleum industry. It recorded slow growth, following a dip in operators’ revenue, among other issues, writes AKINOLA AJIBADE 

    The oil and gas sector faced major challenges in the outgoing year. These ranged from the crisis in the global oil market – the fall in the international spot prices of crude oil to many local problems that have their roots in inequity in oil wealth distribution, resulting in militancy, especially in the oil producing areas of the Niger Delta.

     

    Fall in crude oil price

    The volatilities in the global oil market and the subsequent fall in the prices of crude oil is affecting Nigeria and other members of the Organisation of Petroleum Exporting Countries (OPEC).

    Being an oil-dependent nation, as its derives more than 70 per cent of its earnings from crude oil exports, Nigeria was hard hit by the crash in crude oil prices globally.

    The issue delayed the implementation of the 2016 Budget, as the Federal Government struggled to get money to execute fiscal projects.

    Also, it was the inability of the government to arrive at oil price benchmark, that is appropriated for the budget.

    The issue generated controversy, a development, which made the government to settle for $38 per barrel, as oil price benchmark for the 2016 Budget.

    Amid this, the government struggled to raise money to finance the budget, as international prices of crude oil dropped further.

    With crude oil price falling as low as $28 per barrel in the second quarter of the year,  stakeholders  said the  country is in for a big problem.

    The Ministry of Finance, in its report for August, said the weakening revenue and  the low oil  output, have compounded the problems in the country.

    According to a data from the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation (NNPC), oil production was below two million barrels per day for the greater part of the year.

    It said the prevailing oil production level in the country, coupled with the low crude oil price, which at a point, fell to $28 per barrel, has negatively impacted on the government’s earnings and its capacity to implement many of its fiscal programmes.

    NNPC said the low crude oil output was as a result  youth restiveness in the Niger Delta  region and its accompanying breaking of oil pipelines owned by multinational oil companies such as Shell, Agip and others.

    Minister of State for Petroleum Resources, Dr Emmanuel Kachikwu, said the government has put in place measures to improve crude production and further boost the economy.

    He said the government was providing a conducive environment for operators to enable the industry achieve optimal level and further boost the economy.

    Kachikwu said: ‘’For most part of 2016, especially the third and the fourth quarter of the year, there was increase in the number of oil and gas pipelines bust by the militants in the Niger Delta region. It is regrettable that these things are happening in the country, where the development of oil and gas assets and other national assets should have been given enough consideration by its people.‘’

    He said the effects of destruction of oil facilities were visible in the region, adding that it boasts of 90 per cent of crude oil, which Nigeria relies on for sustenance.

    Also, a former Country President, International Association of Energy Economists (IAEE), Prof Wunmi Iledare, said oil production and exploration activities was reduced to a abysmal level in the year, because militants refused to stop bombing oil facilities in the Niger Delta.

     Niger Delta Avengers (NDAs) The self-styled militant group paralysed activities in the region, by breaking major oil and  gas installations  in the region. The body, which prided itself as fighting for the interest of the oil-producing region, destroyed facilities belonging to Shell, Agip and other International Oil Companies (IOCs) producing in the area.

    The facilities were of immense value to the nation’s oil and gas industry, such that any attack against them, would affect power generation and other activities in th value chain.

    The group did not only claimed responsibilities for the destruction of Escravos terminal and other facilities in August this year, but also threatened  to break more facilities before the end of the year.

    Transmission Company of Nigeria(TCN) Managing Director, Mr Abubakar Atiku Tambuwal, while assessing the performance of the oil and gas sector, said the industry would have performed better, if not for the activities of militants, who break the oil pipelines.

    He said the destruction of Escravos terminal was affecting activities in the petroleum and allied sectors of the economy.

    He said the bombing  of Escravos terminal, by the militants was affecting the sector greatly.

    He said the facility, owned by Shell Petroleum Development Corporation(SPDC), provides gas to Afam power plant, adding that the bombing of the facility by the militants, is hindering supply of gas to the plant.

     

    Shortage of gas

    The perennial gas problem has resulted in poor power generation in the country.  Like a recurring decimal, the issue of shortage of gas reverberated throughout the year, causing  untold damages to the power, manufacturing and other sectors of the economy.

    Tambuwal said power generation peaked at 5,000 megawatts (Mw) of electricity in February this year, because power companies were able to access gas for production unhindered.

    He said generation has in the past few months, dropped to a little over 2,5000 megawatts(Mw) of electricity from 5,000 megawatts(Mw) of electricity,  because power firms were unable to access gas for generation.

    He said: ‘’For sometime bow, power generation has been fluctuating between between 2,000 megawatts (Mw) of electricity to 3,000 megawatts (Mw) of electricity. The reason is because militants have broken many gas pipelines, a development, which has made it difficult for power firms to access gas for operation.’’

     Power sector crisis

    The nation’s power sector was troubled by high technical losses, inability to recover cost, vandalism, obsolete equipment,  huge debts, caused by failure of customers, especially Ministries, Departments and Agencies(MDAs), to pay their bills,  and loss of jobs, a fallout of cost-saving measures adopted by the power firms.

    Association of Nigerian Electricity Distributors(ANED) Executive Director,  Mr Sunday Oduntan, said the sector was enmeshed in crisis.

    In his presentation ‘Getting the power sector right to boost productivity’, at a stakeholders summit in Lagos, he said the sector was facing some challenges that had made it unable to play its role as the engine of growth and job creation.

    According to him, “The electricity supply chain still remain comatose, the promised increased generation and reliability as part of privatisation –has not happened; generation continued to hover around 3,000 and 4,000Megawatt; energy theft and meter bypassing are very rampant; and shortage of meters.

    He said Ministries, Departments and Agencies (MDA) are owing the power distribution companies (DisCos) N100billion debt, adding that the liquidity gaps of the energy distribution companies would hit N900billion before this December, unless urgent steps are taken by the operators, to improve funding in the sector.

     

    Subsidy removal

    Minister of State for Petroleum Resources, Dr. Ibe Kachikwu, said the Federal Government is saving N16.4 billion monthly for removing fuel subsidy. He said the government would have been paying the money to offset the subsidy claims of oil marketers had it not taken the decision to remove the subsidy on petrol.

    He explained that at the time the government made the decision, it was incurring about N13.7 as subsidy on each litre of petrol bought by Nigerians.

    Kachikwu said: “There is no provision for subsidy in 2016 appropriation. As of today, the PMS (petrol) price of N86.50 gives an estimated subsidy claim of N13.7 per litre, which translates to N16.4 billion monthly. There is no funding or appropriation to cover this.”

     Fuel scarcity

    Long queue returned to the fuel stations nationwide in March and May 2016, due to inability of marketers to import bring in enough fuel to complement, whatever the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation (NNPC) is supplying the market.

    Fuel scarcity continued to June, when the Federal Government introduced the new pump fuel price of N145 per litre. As usual, individuals and private entities were counting their losses, a development which made the labour  unions to threaten to go on strike.

    Manufacturers Association of Nigeria (MAN) President, Dr Jacobs said the country  lost several billions of naira to the fuel scarcity early in the year, adding that the issue has compounded the woes of his members.

     Flexible exchange rate

    The implementation of a flexible exchange rate policy by the Federal Government, is a blessing to fuel importers. Introduced to enable importers source for dollars from multiple windows and further ease the burdens on them, the idea has assisted marketers to import fuel into the country.

    The Independent Petroleum Marketers Association of Nigeria (IPMAN) National President, Chief Chinedu Okoronkwo, said marketers, as a result of the policy, were getting enough dollars for fuel importation.

    He said activities of marketers and other operators at the downstream sub-sector of the petroleum industry has improved in the year, following the decision of the government to liberalise the forex market.

    He said the industry can now meet its daily 40million litres target, without any problem, adding that the forex policy has improved the operation of the industry.

  • Architect of her emotional misfortune

    FOLARIN and Ndidi have been dating for about three years. Each time one of their friends sends an invitation card to their wedding or bachelor’s or spinster’s eve, Ndidi’s heart skips. This time around it was Biodun’s bachelor’s eve and Folarin kept the details from her but fortunately for her, she got the news from Biodun’s girlfriend because they were close. She found her way to the venue and found him with another companion.

    Cheated? Well, if there was another word that could take care of her feelings, this wasn’t quite appropriate. She moved nearer and gave the gal a beating of a life time. The whole party and attention shifted to her and on the spot, Biodun told her it was really over. “Now that you know that it isn’t you that I love, then I can have some peace.”

    What could she really do now? Perhaps it was better to go back to the drawing board and bury the love hatchet. If she got another opportunity to talk with him, they would try to figure out what went wrong and what they could do to get their love back on track again.

    Wait a minute! Haven’t they been talking about this same matter before? As a matter of fact, the talks actually made her upset and even angry at times because his arguments were always unrealistic. But then she persisted because she felt if they could talk things through and make him realise how much she still cared for and loved him, then he may just change this terrible attitude.

    That was not all. Even your friends and family had intervened at different times and it all turned out that you were doing the right things and that if he wasn’t listening, opening up, and “getting it”… then he was the one to blame. That he was the one being selfish and immature.

    Naturally, some of these other reasons made her feel a little bit better but it was only for a moment. It still didn’t explain why, despite everything she was doing to improve herself and their relationship, he was still getting more and more distant, difficult and just wanted to end things with her.

    Sometimes, it is possible to make a miscalculation based on your intuition. This way you are likely to ruin a great relationship because you did the right thing at the wrong time. Of course, there is nothing wrong with following your instinct, the only difference is to understand where and how to apply it.

    For a number of ladies, therefore, you discover that instead of using this intuition to their benefit such people actually end up shooting themselves in the foot and destroying what would have been a marvelous relationship.

    But there are times, when what you have is not worth expending precious energy on. The heart that you have fallen helplessly in love with is actually a counterfeit, an adulterated version of what you dreamed of. It may also be that you are not totally ignorant of the antics but you just want to hold on thinking that things would sort themselves out with time.

    Sadly, some women get so caught up in the mindset that “he will change” once they are married and he would fit into the arrangement with time. But most times, it doesn’t really turn out this way.

    For Bimpe who has found 60 per cent of her requirement in her man, it still can be a hell of a time. “The same laid back demeanour and quiet disposition that my sweetheart possessed and the reason I fell helplessly for him is the same laid back demeanour and quiet disposition that sometimes works my last nerves at times,” she recollects.

    In every relationship, it is important to spell out the terms and understand the personality you are dealing with from the outset. This would let you know whether it is better to continue or make a U-turn if it is only going to end in tears.

    If you do not get off a stressful emotional train then you may crash with the train. Many get caught up in trying to mold and perfect things even when it is obvious that they are never going to go far together.

    It is better to let your woman or man be who they are….flaws and all. The one thing you need to know is that you love unconditionally with not only all the person’s good sides but with all the bad as well.

    We also need to remember that men think differently from women especially when it comes to why they do the things they do in a relationship (s).

    “I am going on my sixth relationship and have been with this current boyfriend for seven months. At the beginning, I liked what I saw and it looked like a dream come true.” But gradually, she began to discover another side of this emotional story and at the moment she is at a crossroads. “He stammers but I didn’t see it as a problem because he was always smiling and happy. But when I got closer and we got used to one another, I realised that he always got angry if I didn’t quickly understand what he was saying while stammering. At such moments, he could be really difficult and I wondered how I was going to cope with such moods in future.”

    Well, she needs to make up her mind on time. This may actually make or mar their relationship and she needs to be sure that it is something that she can cope with in future.