The Nation Newspaper

Tag: mistakes

10 mistakes first-time authors make and how to avoid them
- From Niran Adedokun
I can tell that writing a first book is an exciting milestone because I’ve been there. The process often begins with a strong, irresistible idea hitting you in an unforgettable manner. You just feel you must share it with the world. It could be a personal story or something someone just shared with you. It could also be a deep knowledge whose democratisation, you have convinced yourself, would benefit the world. And so, you decide that a book is necessary. However, the idea is not the end of the story in putting a compelling book out; there are some avoidable traps that can cause you to struggle if you do not anticipate them from the outset.

Let me share ten of those errors with you in this newsletter in case you have decided to “eat the frog” and get that book done in 2026! Taking note of these common mistakes, some of which regular readers of my newsletter may have encountered before, will save you time, money and much frustration.

Here are the ten mistakes and how you can avoid them.

•Writing Without a Clear Purpose

The first thing is that many new authors start writing without clarity about why they are writing the book. Are you doing the book to set an agenda, influence policy, build your credibility, start a new line or business or just share your story to inspire others? If you do not make up your mind about this, the book will, at some point, appear unfocused even to you, and you may get frustrated.

Advice:

Before you start writing, define your primary goal and plan every chapter to serve the purpose of that goal.

• Trying to Say Everything at Once

First-time authors also tend to want to pour their entire life story or professional experience into a single book. You must watch out for this because it usually results in an overloaded manuscript that overwhelms readers.

Read Also: Türkiye, Nigeria target $5bn trade volume as Erdogan, Tinubu seal new economic push

Advice:

Focus on the central idea or promise you plan to deliver. Remember that if you do well with this, you can always write more books.

• Writing for “Everyone”

Many of us make the mistake of thinking that our book will appeal to everyone; that is not possible. In fact, when you write for everyone, you end up writing for no one, so avoid that trap of thinking your book can be a solution to the problem of everyone in the world.

Advice: Finding your ideal audience should be one of your preliminary considerations before you start writing. Picture one ideal reader and write as if you are speaking directly to that person.

• Skipping the Outline

I have heard writers argue that drawing outlines kills creativity. I do not think so. I know that some writers, especially those with experience, do well as flying “by the seat of their pants,” but first-time writers should do themselves the favour of having some guiding structure. It helps avoid unfinished, scattered manuscripts.

Advice:

Create a chapter outline before you begin. Although this will serve as a roadmap, you can always change direction when you see the need, but you should not start without an idea of where you are going.

•Overediting too early

Many new authors edit by the sentence! Most authors will stop at every paragraph to edit, polish, and fine-tune. This will slow down your momentum if not totally kill your confidence. As I have said many times, perfection doesn’t exist anywhere, and getting better is a journey that you must take one day at a time, so do yourself that favour.

Advice:

Writing and editing are separate processes; kindly separate them while writing. It’s fine if your first draft is messy, just focus on progress and get it done.

•Underestimating the Time Commitment

Know from the start that writing a book takes a lot of time and discipline, much more than people imagine. Prepare yourself for that so you do not lose steam halfway through the mission.

Advice:

Set realistic goals and don’t push yourself too hard. Daily, weekly, or even monthly goals are okay. Treat the time you set like appointments you cannot miss, but by all means, set targets that won’t push you off the edge.

7. Ignoring Professional Editing

After writing, you need proper editing. Some writers think they are so good that mere spellchecking their work is enough. It is not! Poor editing can undermine the very best writing and ideas, and you cannot do it all by yourself.

Advice:

Editing is a key part of the book-writing process, so budget for it. A well-edited first book helps build trust in your ability, and it gives you credibility with readers. Get professional help.

8. Poor Book Positioning

The place of your book on the shelf is not a decision you take when your book gets out of the press; it is one of the very fundamental considerations at inception. Many first-time authors don’t think about their book’s positioning, but they should, and it should affect their title, subtitle, cover, and marketing plan. It is an important factor.

Advice: Ponder what book you are writing and what shelf it belongs on from the beginning. Think about similar books and where they stand, and let that guide every decision.

9. Neglecting the Reader Experience

When writing a book, kindly consider your reader’s experience. One expects this to be a natural consideration for subsequent books, but when writing your first book, understand that long paragraphs, dense language, and hazy transitions can put readers off. You are not writing for yourself, so consider your readers.

Advice

Use short paragraphs, clear examples, and practical takeaways. Make your book as easy and enjoyable to read as possible.

10. Expecting the Book to “Sell Itself”

Many first-time authors believe that the job ends with publishing their book, but it doesn’t. You didn’t just write your book to keep it on the shelves, did you? So, you must get the book into the reader’s hands, and no one has more at stake on this front than you. Getting the book out of the press is no time to rest.

Advice

Have a plan for promoting your book before publishing. Consider reviews, newspaper and online articles, social media exposures, reading tours, speaking engagements and partnerships that support your book.

With my first book, Ladies Calling the Shots, I explored various levels of partnership. I visited higher institutions offering films and related courses. I celebrated the International Day for the Girl Child with some secondary schools and held reading sessions with different groups of people within my target readership. I have replicated this with some of my other books, and you can do it too.

In the final analysis, know that writing your first book is as strategic as it is creative. It might just be the pathway to another career, and how well you do it may determine your chances. Avoiding these mistakes will make your journey far more rewarding, even if it requires a lot of effort.

Clarity, structure, and the right support can make your first book a tool for reinvention, influence and legacy. You cannot afford to sleep on it, as they say.

If you’ve been thinking about writing a book, the best time to start is not when everything feels perfect, but when you’re prepared to do it well.

If you think you need help, let’s talk about it. Simply reply to this email with the word HELP, and we will take it off from there.

Niran Adedokun,

Writer | Communications Strategist | Book Strategist | Author of “Every Journalist Should Write a Book
January 28, 2026
‘INEC must learn from past mistakes’

Former Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) Deputy National Chairman Chief Olabode George spoke with reporters on why the Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) should be dissolved and other national issues, MUSA ODOSHIMOKHE reports.

Why are you calling for the dissolution of INEC?

I want INEC scrapped, so we can start all over again. There is no half measure to the remedy. I am an engineer of 50 years above; when you have a smart card and you go to a place where they request for your card, when the card is inserted into a machine, they will clear you. You can then vote. But today we go through lot of stories; telling us that they are still test running the system without heading somewhere. My suggestion is that they should clear the whole thing and start all over again. We have another four years now, we can invite top experts who gave the model to come and teach us about it. In India, about 800 million people voted; mind you that is not the total population of India but the voters. I was so keen and watching the ongoing election every day. It took them two weeks and at the end of the day, the Prime Minister was declared. The government is rolling way without any protest; their new leader even attended the G20 meeting. Now, one major concern for all Nigerians, irrespective of political affiliation, is how to get the electoral process working. I am ready for any discussion concerning INEC. A situation where the final result of election is being determined through the court process cannot be the best way out. I am ready to challenge Prof. Mahmood Yakubu. I am not a professor, but we can meet in the worst location, the burial ground even at 3 am in the morning. I will be there to discuss with him. This system has collapsed; in the 21th Century, we are still doing manual collation. They use motorcycle, molue and Marwa tricycle to dispatch electoral materials. I am shocked and this thing is global. People are looking and watching us; they are wondering what is happening in the country.

The proposal for Ruga settlements has received lots of criticism. What is your take on the matter?

Let me use Lagos State for the example. In Lagos, the only thing we have here is the lagoon; this has made it a fishing community and you hardly see any serious agriculture. So, when you bring your wares, you negotiate with the people, if the people want to buy from you, they buy. If you make enough money and you want to build a house, you are free to go ahead. There is negotiation between Lagosians and those who came with their wares. So, whatever deal that is desirable must go through negotiation. Veering out of this formal pattern will only trigger crisis. Already, people are complaining of the Fulani army of occupation. The government is planning a policy that will compel every state to provide land to enable Fulani settle for herding. But why is Oga trying to tow this line? When we had for President Goodluck Jonathan, who is an Ijaw man, why didn’t he replicate fish ponds in every state for the Ijaws who are predominantly fishermen? When Baba Obasanjo was there, why did he not enforce that everywhere must have farm settlements for his people? I don’t agree that government should get involved; let the negotiation be between the real owners of the land and the visitors. Land is vested in the state governments and not Federal Government. So, if they want to do animal husbandry, the business should be between the land owners and the visitors. But, to enforce it will be arbitrary. Again, I don’t think this is the right time to be involved in things like this. Everybody is now suspicious of one another; instead of the gap between the various tribes closing up, it is getting wider. That is my fear, because my background is military, where we don’t have tribal sentiments. When we go for operation, we don’t look for Yoruba man, Ibo man or Hausa/Fulani man to go for certain operations. Once you are in the military, the spirit of camaraderie is fully observed. That is what this nation must be thriving to achieve, but there is so much distrust and fear in the land. Irrespective of where you come from, there are three major things in life; you have no control over the day you are born, the tribe you are born into and the day you will die. You don’t have control over these things, so what is our problem? How do you know who you will be when you reincarnate? Why are we creating problem, instead of closing them? Let there be togetherness, nationalism and see each other as brother.

Government says the reason for the settlement is to douse the tension between farmers and herders…

Implementing Ruga will blow it out of control. But maybe the tension would not have existed, if all things had been going on well. But the suspicion now is high and people are also asking why it is it coming now. Why did the Ijaw people not replicate fish ponds everywhere, when they were in the saddle? Why did the Yoruba not replicate the plantation of cocoa everywhere when Obasanjo was in office? You may have a good intension, but it is heavily rejected by the people from the South. The best way to do it, because we are in a democratic society, is to call for national town hall meeting. The governors will nominate the elders, obas, youths, women from each state. At the meeting, people will ask questions and deliberate on the germane issues that are threatening our unity. The suspicions will be rolled back to give room for convivial society. It is better to jaw-jaw than to war-war. The votes from the people put you there. In a normal civilian society, order should be from bottom top and not the other way.

July 11, 2019
‘Mistakes start-ups should learn from’

Nigeria is one of the countries with the largest number of start-up businesses. Unfortunately, most of them die before the end of their gestation period. Many opportunities are available to them, especially in the creative sector, but they find it difficult to access such. Is yours one of those businesses? African Hub founder Mrs Olunleye Oluwole says you are not alone. Having the same experience in her first attempt in business, she has become an inspiration to start-ups as she now connects them to their dream through her platform and trade missions. In this chat with EVELYN OSAGIE, Mrs Oluwole shares her experience and thoughts on start-ups development in Nigeria.

You would not believe the number of start-ups winding up every day. They need support and platforms that will help them grow and achieve their visions, says Mrs Oluneye Oluwole, founder of Africa Hub, an entrepreneurship development centre, which was borne out of her passion and experience of failing in business.

Birth of African Hub

My vision was to rewrite the narratives on how to do business in Nigeria and globally, using less to achieve more. And so with a mind of giving entrepreneurs the right environment to create, the hub was set up, primarily to provide support, a platform and an enabling environment/ambiance for entrepreneurs where their only concern would be thinking about their business, and not about light/power or the Internet. We started with the provision of work spaces, meeting room, training and capacity building in various areas. Today, we have grown.

Mistakes start-ups should learn from / my early voyage into business/writing

Start-ups do not need to take up huge expenses, like office rent, administrative support staff and other additional things. As a start-up in 1999 when I started my first business, a travel and tourism company, all I had was raw passion. I knew I wanted to be on my own and had lofty ideas and I knew I was good at packaging and running tours and travel agency.

But I didn’t have a guide, proper mentoring, mentors or a network of entrepreneurs like me in that space and environment. I thought all I needed was a good office and staff, among others. I had serious expenses that I shouldn’t have. I did so many things wrongly and, of course, expectedly after a long struggle it came to a halt in 2005. And that affected me and my psyche. So, I ran away from the private sector into public service, with a mind of carving a niche for myself. But, inside of me, I was a private sector-driven person, who loved creating ideas. Although I learnt a lot from the public service as a supervisory counsellor for public health, I was a bit constrained because of their ways of doing things, which were not favourable to me as an ‘ideas’ person. So, when my term ended in 2010, I started writing books and penning down my life experiences and my observations, but I was seriously considering going back to the private sector. And in 2015, I decided to go back there.

Going back to private sector

So I went back into private sector in 2015, but this time, my focus was beyond Nigeria: I wanted a more global reach. I wanted to open new frontiers for entrepreneurs through strategic partnerships for them to leverage. And so, after the book presentation in the United States, I returned to Nigeria with a mind of creating a platform for entrepreneurs, given my experience. I knew what I went through as a start-up; especially how alone I was in that space as a woman. So, rather than looking for platform or who to help me, I decided to be prodigious by being the platform for start-ups and emerging entrepreneurs, by connecting them to who can help them, and has their interest at heart. And so, African Hub was born. I initially wanted to start it as a library because I was writing books, but by divine design we established a workspace. And I had never worked into a workspace before in Nigeria. So much so, my husband kept asking what I wanted to create.

Most challenging period in my business

Interestingly, we launched out in January into recession with eight state-of-the-art work stations at Amore, off Toyin Street, Ikeja, Lagos. It was the most challenging year of my life, carrying the vision amidst absolutely nothing and driving traffic and sustaining it for almost a year. 2016 and 2017 were the worst years for business people in Nigeria. We ran business at a huge loss, and there was no support from the government. We had no client for the first three months.

Coming out of recession

in business

But we kept on. We began to build strategic partnerships, knowing that that was what entrepreneurs would need. We gave discounts, got marketers and after two months, we noticed we have outgrown the eight work stations and had to move. We then moved into our current place in May of the same year. And from eight work stations, we grew to 32 work stations in the same year. And we were still in recession.

Opportunities available to start-ups, especially in the arts

There are opportunities available to start-ups, especially in the arts, but the government needs to go beyond policy making by creating an enabling environment. More should be done to move start-ups and entrepreneurs up the business scale. Unless the government understands the position of the private sector and role hubs like ours play in the drive towards encouraging and empowering entrepreneurship/start-ups, unemployment would keep getting worse. In advanced countries, the model of SME development is the government and NGOs support incubators to help the SMEs. Hubs as ours are multi-sector-based. We would love to be at different locations to spur SMEs development in the country.

Challenges in empowering

The challenge has been funding, because we are talking to investors, who would invest in the vision of the African Hub to support African entrepreneurs. So, if we get funding for them to provide what we are talking about and help them, we will be able to scale up and entrepreneurs will become successful in their different sectors such as: creative industry, skin care, fashion and others.

My interest in entrepreneurs

in the arts sector

We are also interested in entrepreneurs in the arts sector. I think the sector has a huge potential largely underutilised. We sponsored the first start-up in 2016 – called the Rewa Hut. It’s our baby. It was a hair exhibition expo in Canada; the African Alvanc Hair Show. The promising young entrepreneur, Ife Ajayi, a hair artist, was ready to explode and needed a platform to reach the world. We are glad to be there. Today, the name has evolved and she is now into food and drinks. For the literati, we had a book reading club for upcoming writers, where we hold book reading sessions. We’ve hosted Jamiu Abiola, MKO Abiola’s son. Last August, we hosted Ayanfe. For the arts we are open, but looking at how to have more collaborations with start-ups in such areas and what our involvement can be.

Facts start-ups in the art industry should know

For start-ups, and this time I’m speaking directly to those in the arts, it is not all about the passion or talent. It is about finding the right platform and the network that has the passion to build your business. What you are looking for is more of socio-enterprise kind of service. I see start-ups as a growing seed that has to be structured, packaged and nurtured. If you bring them out too early without structure they would collapse. Hence, there is a need for guidance and mentorship to help channel their talents on the right path.

In proper packaging and branding, one cannot take away training and capacity-building while helping them to look after their talents through the business eyes. In today’s world, they need a website and good social media presence. And most importantly, one needs to match and network them with opportunities and events that will place them and make their talents visible. This is the reason we are involved in a lot of trade missions. For instance, we are going to France soon where we intend to bring businesses in the arts. One of the agenda for President Emmanuel Macron of France is in the entertainment and creative industry to see how they can support Africans in the arts. And that is the type of partnerships and collaborations we are looking to bring to the platform for start-ups.

Writing for the country and humanity

Whether it’s on my experiences in politics, on Ogun State or on Nigeria, my books reflect my thoughts and love for Nigeria, my home state and humanity. The first book was “My Heritage: The history of Ogun State”, which is a book chronicling the history of the state: from politics, human resources to tourist attractions and more. I put them in three volumes. The second one is “Dreams of a Patriot”. I see myself as a patriot and love Nigeria so much. And it pains me that we do not cherish history; we do not take advantage of what we have been blessed with, and particularly, I was concerned about the leadership. So, I did a chronicle on 50 years of its leadership – from 1960 to 2010. So, the book talks about the dreams of a patriot and what has been the lot of Nigeria.

In 2015, I wrote my political memo on my experiences as a politician in the state and local government levels. So, I put together my experiences as a politician, married woman, a mother, and someone, who has passion for change and I called it “With Heart and Might”. This is because that was exactly what I set out to do – to serve my people and constituency with my heart and might.

My voyage into Politics

I was to be the vice chairman of my local government and then because of how politics was in Nigeria, some of the people, who vied for the post of chairman and didn’t emerge were to be given the slot of vice chairman. So, I was appointed as a supervisory counsellor for public health – counsellors were like commissioners at the local government. I held the portfolio for three years and the experience gave birth to a book.

Life nuggets

I got an early understanding about servant leadership and it changed my life. I’m a very practical, creative and down-to-earth person, who has a call to help the downtrodden. I believe success in not about money, its the impact you make. Today, seeing the people God has brought across my life and the impact I have made in their lives, is more than a million dollars. to me. Also integrity, perseverance and placing others before one’s needs as modelled by my father, have encouraged me to do more for people. And those nuggets have come into my business space. Being a platform for people is an extension of who I am as a person.

As a woman it has been tough and difficult having mentors in male- dominated world of business without them crossing the line. My father is my number one mentor, but I’ve had to mentor myself through Men of God like Bishop TD Jakes (I’m an e-member of the Potter’s House), the Lord Jesus, because my anchor is in Christ, and Pastor Lanre Thomas of the Sanctuary of Solution Ministry.

October 17, 2018
Fed Govt to avoid housing mistakes, to award contract for 69 roads

The Federal Government has said it is working hard to avoid mistakes committed in previous housing initiatives, just as it has concluded plans to award contract for reconstruction and rehabilitation of 69 highways nationwide.

The Minister of Power, Works and Housing, Mr Babatunde Fashola disclosed this at an interactive session with members of 21 Civil Society Organisations and the media in Lagos.

Fashola explained that government was working on avoiding mistakes of previous housing projects that saw the houses abandoned. He explained that some houses constructed by some past administrations were not occupied because they did not take into cognisance the issues of culture of the people, climate and location of projects.

“All across the country you will see houses but they are not occupied,” he said.

He said that in 2016, the government took time to sample opinions of Nigerians across the country on what type of houses they wanted and how much they could pay, while state governors were approached for land at suitable locations to make the houses attractive for intending house owners.

“At this moment we are constructing in 33 states, when we finish then we would subject that design to affordability test. When we find its works then we will subject it to acceptability test,” he said.

“This is the first time that Nigeria is undertaking a national housing scheme after Alhaji Shehu Shagari’s housing scheme.

“There has been other interventions, previous governments have been building houses but a national housing scheme, this is the second time. Shagari’s was the first.”

In a similar vein, he disclosed that 25 roads would receive attention soon as bid processes to deliver the Sukuk bond were almost completed.

“Each zone of the country is getting N16.67 billion and they are going to those major arterial roads that take us from the ports to the Sahel. Since the Sukuk was agreed we had to follow due diligence,” he said.

He said that with the dry season ahead, a lot of construction would be witnessed nationwide, adding that the 44 other roads captured during a nationwide tour of roads were also under procurement process.

“If we complete the procurement we would award the contract to cover six zones of the country,” he said.

The minster expressed hope that all the 69 roads to receive attention would become motorable within a short time.

Fashola sought public support in the fight against illegal mining of sand on road edges and other forms of road abuses.

He expressed worry over activities of illegal sand miners who dig up road verges (edges) to cause rapid road degeneration and collapse of federal highways.

He said that it was unfortunate that some people took pleasure in “destroying our common assets” and appealed to members of the public to join in the surveillance.

He said gadgets like cell phones could be used to get evidence of such acts to ensure perpetrators were brought to book, adding that there was a law against road abuses that needed enforcement.

“We have set up a Right of Way (RoW) Recovery Committee and I know that it has started working.

“We are trying to recover all the RoW that used to belong to the Federal Government across the country breaking them into zones.

“It is a lot of work, but there was no budget for it, so, all of the costs are being compiled and then we are hopeful that in 2018 we would be able to do something if we get the project approved.

The minister explained that vegetation control was also ongoing as part of its RoW recovery plan.

He added that the government was ready to hand over more roads to states governments who were willing to take them over.

Speaking on the Ota-Abeokuta Road, he said that the project was going to be redefined because the road was not initially in the 2018 budget and the contractors made some additional claims.

He said that the road would be stabilised before the end of the year.

Some of the civil society groups include Centre for Democracy and Social Economic Rights, Alliance for Good Governance, Grassroot Democratic Initiative and Centre for Social Economic and Human Rights.

November 23, 2017
Warning Men: These 3 Mistakes During Sex Makes Your Wife Cheat On You!
Let’s face it, a whole of lot of Nigerian men both married and unmarried men usually have this issue of their wives cheating on them.

The truth is, when you cannot have proper, enjoyable sex with your woman… she is likely to cheat on you with another man. Most of these women are BORED with the sex life that they are experiencing at home.

You see, it’s not just about being a rich husband or partner, but on the contrary when you cannot satisfy her… then she is definitely going to LOOK OUTSIDE for another man that performs well in the bedroom.

Click Here To See The NAFDAC Approved Supplement That Helped Me End My Shame And Embarrassment Of Being A 1-Minute Man in Bed And Weak Erections!

Listen, when you the husband cannot give your woman deep satisfying sex that is when she goes outside to take advice from her friends.

Problem is, women will start to do something funny like…

1) Picking quarrels with you because she is frustrated with the sexual life

or

2) Buy things like sex toys, dildo so she can use it to pleasure herself and masturbate

But then, these sex toys cannot really satisfy a woman like a manhood, so the next step she takes is to cheat on you with a man that can handle her in bed very well.

Don’t Wait Until Your Wife Starts Using Sex Toys To Masturbate,
Click Here Get Access To The NAFDAC Approved Supplement And Enlargement Oil That Have Helped Nigerian Men To Cure Weak Erections And Last Longer In Bed.

Inside this short article, I will let you know 3 things you should know that makes your woman cheat on you…

1) Unable to Satisfy her in Bed: Sadly, one of the main reason why women cheat is because of their husband not being able to satisfy her during sex.

When you release within 2minutes or less of penetrating a woman every single time you make love to her, she will definitely be frustrated and your sex life will become boring.

Frankly, millions of Nigerian men are suffering from this problem of severe premature ejaculation and having a weak penis.

When these problems continue, most women begin to deny their husband from having sex with them.

My Ex-girlfriends Laughed at Me Because of my tiny manhood and lasting just 40seconds. After Taking This Supplement, I Now Last Over 25minutes And Ladies Beg Me To Release During Sex, Click Here To See The Solution That Worked For Me!

On the long run, the woman begins to cheat on her husband with another man that can satisfy her and give her body-melting sex.

The main causes of premature ejaculation is due to excess sugar in the body system, excessive masturbation, sexually transmitted infections (STIs), bad lifestyles and habits (like too much smoking and alcohol).

Good news is, today you will Have access to a Solution that completely cures your premature ejaculation and Renews Your Body System.

Get The NAFDAC Approved Solution That Flush Your Body Off Harmful Toxins And Makes You Last 35minutes+ During Sex. Click Here!
2) Jumping into sex too fast and Neglecting foreplay

Most men usually get this wrong. They jump into having sex too fast with their partne like having “quickies”.

Women really enjoy this. You just can’t jump foreplay.

You have to stimulate her physically, psychologically and emotionally for her to be ready and enjoy the sex with you.

Foreplay might even give women multiple orgasms. Some of the foreplay you can do is kissing, cuddling, caressing her breasts, massaging her and talking dirty.

Do you release during foreplay or within 3minutes of penetrating your woman vagina? Here’s A NAFDAC Approved Supplement That Makes You Last 35mins In Bed During Sex, And Get Harder Erections Without Any Side Effects

When you skip foreplay, most women find the sex boring and that in turn can make her cheat on you with another man.

3) Unhappy with their Husband Penis size: This is actually one of the main reasons why women cheat on their husbands.

The truth is, when a man’s penis size is very small like 4inches or thereabout when it is erect, It cannot fully penetrate a woman’s vagina completely.

Such a manhood will never be able to satisfy a woman completely, and when that happens most women will cheat on their husband with another man that has a bigger manhood that can satisfy her completely.

See the Enlargement oil that has helped over 1,300 Nigerian Men Increase Their Manhood Size up to 3.5inches Without Side Effects!

Talking about having a small penis size, the good news is that there’s an enlargement oil that helps you correct this issue of having a small manhood and releasing too fast.

The enlargement works for increasing the length and girth of your manhood without any side effects.

It’s known as MK Essential Oil, and it has helped over 1,300 Nigerian men to increase their manhood size up to 3.5inches within 3 weeks

What you simple do is to use the enlargement oil to massage your entire manhood and testicles before going to bed.

To order for Your Bottles of the MK Enlargement oil, CLICK HERE NOW to Place order and Get the Products at a Discount Price!

Once I started using the enlargement oil, I was surprised at the results I got. To ensure it is real, I had to take out a measuring tape to measure my penis size, which was 3.2inches when flaccid but now up 5.5inches.

And you know the best part about the MK enlargement oil, the results are permanent. No shrinking of penis or any side effects of any kind.

Yes, your manhood can become BIGGER just like my own when you start making use of the oil. My manhood is now increasing in size and getting longer, we measured it recently and it has added 3.4inches in 4weeks of using the mk oil

My wife now plays with my penis and gives me blowjob, sex is exciting and much better!

Overall, I now command the respect that a complete man should get from his wife. All because I can satisfy my woman sexually.

Apart from that, if you have been suffering from releasing too fast during sex with your woman, then there’s a NAFDAC approved herbal supplement recommended by Men Health experts that helps men to cure chronic quick ejaculation, weak erection and low sperm count.

It’s the exact herbal supplement that changed me from a 1-minute man in the bedroom to performing for over 25minutes without releasing during sex.

The NAFDAC approved supplement known as Mascum herbal pride contains 50capsules and it helps men to restore their sexual stamina, boost libido (also known as low sex drive) and permanently cures premature ejaculation and poor erections.

Get the Premature ejaculation killer and enlargement oil at a special discount price here

And the best part about Mascum herbal pride is that…

– it’s 100percent natural, it has no side effect on you even if you are a diabetic or hypertensive patients.

– Also, it’s safe for Nigerian men no matter how old you are.

– Even though you have been struggling with these problems of premature ejaculation and weak erections for years, it will surely help you permanently cure it.

– Just 1 container of mascum herbal pride is enough to cure you of your sexual problems and end the miserable life of living with poor erections and quick ejaculation

– Once you start using it, you no longer have to suffer from watery sperm, just use mascum herbal pride with natural honey to cure watery sperm

– To be taken 1 tablet morning, and 1 night as a permanent cure to weak erection, low sperm count and quick ejaculation.

Bottomline is, these 2 products helped me cure my quick ejaculation problem and it increased my manhood size.

Click Here Now to order for your bottles of the Mk Enlargement oil and Mascum today!

I do not have to go through any humiliation or embarrassment every again.
My manhood is now bigger and normal like a matured man.

To top it off, my wife and I are experiencing exciting sex and we make love like young couples now. She’s no more irritated by my small manhood because now it is much bigger and makes her scream and moan.

What about you?

Are you still suffering from these embarassing problem of having small manhood that makes women run away from you or even deny you from having sex with them?

Then you should get the 2-in-1 solution Mascum and Mk oil to transform your sex life starting from today!

Click Here to Get the Mascum Herbal Pride that made me last extra 25minutes in bed with my woman!

To order for the mascum herbal pride and mk enlargement oil at the discount price today, follow the instructions below…

You will pay for the products only when it has been brought down
to you face to face by our courier service agent.
Pay on Delivery Option Available to All States in Nigeria

Here’s How to Order for Your own Mascum Herbal Pride & MK OIL at a Discount Price today

Depending on the product that you are ordering for…

*If you are ordering for only “Mascum Herbal Pride”… indicate the code MASCUM in your text message…

*If you are ordering for only “MK Enlargement Oil”… indicate it “MK OIL” in your text message…

*If you want to order for the 2 products together… text “Mascum AND MK OIL”…

MASCUM ONLY – N15,000

MK OIL ONLY – N13,000

MASCUM & MK OIL – N22,000

Here’s what to send to us…

Text the CODE with the following information below…
1. Your Full Name
2. Your Phone Number
3. Delivery Address
Send This Information as a text message to 08034920365

Please Note: Your address Must Include Local Government and State. Detailed Enough to make it traceable by our courier company that will come around to deliver to you.

You will get a SMS and Call from us within 24 hours to confirm your Order Before we Parcel It Across to You.

DELIVERY TIME

Once we received your order, and your details are correct, you will receive an sms or call confirmation from us. Your products will then be sent to our courier service partner and the items should get to you within 2-5 Days.

Note: The product will be packaged discreetly and no one else will know what’s inside, and every other information will be kept private and 100% confidential.

Option 2

If you live in Lagos, or nearby, you can also walk into our marketing department office to pick up the products.

You will meet our team ready to give you these products at same price…

That is you Pay at our office, and get it instantly

Vantagesoft Marketing Enterprises

Block B, Suite 9, Primal Tek Plaza, Beside ECO centre,
by Mokola Bus stop, opposite Gowon Estate Market,
Egbeda-Idimu road, Egbeda, Lagos.

or

Suite 3B, First Floor, Shopping plaza beside NNPC Filling station,
Ilo awela road, opposite Toll Gate Bus stop, ota
off Lagos-Abeokuta Expressway

(Monday – Saturday 9am – 5pm)

Customer support line: 08034920365

Frequently Asked Question (F.A.Q.)

Here are some of the more common questions about Mascum and MK enlargement oil. Also, if you have more questions, you can always speak with our customer support on 08034920365

How long will I last with Mascum Herbal Pride?

Mascum has been formulated to help men last longer for up to 20 – 30minutes during sex, permanently cure your quick ejaculation problem, get hard erections and boost your sperm count and improve libido (sexual desire)

Does MK enlargement oil really work?

Yes. The MK enlargement oil really helps you increase your penis size.

What the Mk-oil does is exercise your penis and PC muscle which in turn causes the penis to increase in length and girth and also get stronger, harder erections.

Most of our customers get results within 1 month, the length will start increasing for about 2 – 3 inches upwards. The more you use the MK-Oil, the fatter and longer your penis will become.

Men who are small when flaccid seem to get the fastest, most noticeable results. We recommend 3 minute sessions as often as once per day.

How quickly does the products work?

Mascum contains 50 capsules, you will permanently cure your premature ejaculation problem in as quickly as 2 weeks of using it.

Mascum Herbal pride will help you rapidly increase your sex stamina and you will be able to have sexual intercourse with your woman for 25 – 30minutes, have stronger erections and go for up to 2, 3 rounds of sex.

For mk enlargement oil, continuous usage for about 4 weeks (1 month), will lead to permanent results as for increase in the size of the manhood.

Is It Safe?

These 2 products are not meant for children and should be kept out of their reach. Both products are safe, and have been tested and approved. Most men use these 2 products with no problems at all.

Are there any side effects?

Absolutely NO. Mascum Herbal Pride is 100percent natural herbal supplement that has been tested by NAFDAC, it’s NAFDAC approved & certified and therefore it has no side effects. You can use it with full confidence and be rest assured that it solves your erectile dysfunctions problem.

When can I begin to see effects?

You will start seeing effect of the mascum herbal pride within 45 minutes up to 1 hour of using it, but to cure your premature ejaculation and weak erection permanently, you will need to use the complete pack.

Can a Diabetic or Hypertensive person use it?

Yes, mascum is 100percent natural herbal supplement and it does not contain any substance or chemical that can cause any problem to diabetic or hypertensive people. So you can make use of it.

How do I get the Mascum herbal pride and Mk Oil?

To place order for the products is very easy, simply text us your name, full address, local govt area, state, phone number and the products you are ordering for… send it as a text message to 08034920365

How/When will I get my items which I’ve order for?

For orders in Lagos, expect your item to get to you within 1 – 2 days, once your order has been confirmed and shipped out. While for orders outside Lagos, depending on the state/city, you will receive your items within 2 – 5 working days.

Kindly contact us if it has been up to a week, and you are yet to receive your items.

Reach us on customer support lines: 08034920365

Your package will be sent out from Vantagesoft marketing enterprises, and the courier delivery will bring the items to you and you make payment on delivery. All orders are discreet, private and 100% confidential.

You will pay for the products only when it has been brought down
to you face to face by our courier service agent.
Pay on Delivery Option Available to All States in Nigeria

Here’s How to Order for Your own Mascum Herbal Pride & MK OIL at a Discount Price today

Depending on the product that you are ordering for…

*If you are ordering for only “Mascum Herbal Pride”… indicate the code MASCUM in your text message…

*If you are ordering for only “MK Enlargement Oil”… indicate it “MK OIL” in your text message…

*If you want to order for the 2 products together… text “Mascum AND MK OIL”…

MASCUM ONLY – N15,000

MK OIL ONLY – N13,000

MASCUM & MK OIL – N22,000

Here’s what to send to us…

Text the CODE with the following information below…
1. Your Full Name
2. Your Phone Number
3. Delivery Address
Send This Information as a text message to 08034920365

Please Note: Your address Must Include Local Government and State. Detailed Enough to make it traceable by our courier company that will come around to deliver to you.

You will get a SMS and Call from us within 24 hours to confirm your Order Before we Parcel It Across to You.

DELIVERY TIME

Once we received your order, and your details are correct, you will receive an sms or call confirmation from us. Your products will then be sent to our courier service partner and the items should get to you within 2-5 Days.

To place order for the Mascum herbal pride capsule and MK enlargement oil, Click Here to see full details

The main reason I am sharing my true life experience with you is because I know that millions of Nigerian men suffer from this bad situation but hide in shame and silence.

Don’t wait until the situation gets out of hand and your wife or fiancée leaves you for another man that can satisfy.

You have the opportunity to get these 2 products now at an affordable price and save yourself from this frustration.

The mascum herbal pride and mk enlargement oil has worked for over 1,300 Nigerian men and they have wonderful testimonies to give about it. It will definitely work for you too.

Click Here to Get the 2 Solutions at a Special Discount Price

Yours,

Dave & Damilola – 08034920365
August 16, 2017
Family Planning: Our sad stories; our mistakes

Medinat Kanabe, in this report, feels the pulse of Nigerian women who have had sad experiences as a result of exploring one family planning method or the other. She also seeks explanation from experts.

WITH recent talks of Nigeria overtaking the United States of America in population by 2050 and the call on citizens by population experts and government to embrace family planning, a few women who have undergone one family planning method or the other and have one unpalatable experience to show for it are calling for caution. They fear that many female folks may not be aware of the side-effects since they are hardly highlighted; but experts have debunked these claims saying that although all family planning methods have side effects, they don’t outweigh the consequences of not choosing any method at all.

Mrs. Franca Chijioke was lucky; after having her first child, she went to a health care centre to give her baby the Bacillus Calmette-Guerin (BCG) Vaccine. Whilst waiting for her turn, a nurse walked up to her and asked if she had done any family planning. She replied in the negative, so the nurse who became excited, told her about the available family planning methods. She also told her that the method that would suit her most was the implant.

She explained that all she had to do was pay a sum of N7, 500 and she’d be secured for five years.

But Mrs. Chijioke didn’t have the money at the time, plus the fact that she didn’t plan it, so she told her she’d come back during the week and left after her baby had been attended to.

She told The Nation: “Yes, I had the mind of going back that week but I didn’t have the time and looking back, I thank God I didn’t because the following week when I went to my hospital to see my doctor for a check-up and told him how I hadn’t had the time to go for the implant, what he said shocked me.”

“He said implants are not given to women who just put to bed. That it is advisably given 2 weeks after delivery or thereafter.”

Mrs. Chijioke, who kept thanking God, told The Nation she could imagine the number of women ‘uneducated’ nurses have advised wrongly to insert an implant just days after delivery.

But Mrs. Grace Olumide was not lucky. Although a journalist, she had adopted the intrauterine device IUD method after her last child and started to bleed months after. She bled for 10 months non-stop and yet didn’t tell anyone or visit any hospital.

It was beginning to affect her life and marriage but she still didn’t talk until one day when she attended a seminar on family planning and realised that it may be the family planning method she was using. According to her: “As soon as the IUD was removed, the bleeding stopped.”

Mrs Obehi Iyagbatan was over 72 years old when she began to fall ill and her children took her to a hospital for treatment. After listening to her complains, the doctor requested that a scan and X-ray be done.

It was discovered that she had used the IUD method for more than 20 years and never bothered to remove it, because according to her, she didn’t know that she was supposed to remove it.

While speaking to The Nation, one of her children said: “My mother used the method about 20 years ago. A friend took her to the facility where it was inserted and she didn’t have any information about it or whether it should be removed, so she forgot about it until she started falling ill and it was discovered that a little piece of it still remaining inside her was the cause.

Mrs. Fatima Lucky’s case is different. She claimed she started having acnes and boils on her vagina after using a method in April. “My sister, I sometimes have up to eleven boils on my labia and pimples on my face. The boils also come out on my laps and back side. I can swear that since I was born I have never had a boil or pimples, so it is easy for me to conclude that it is the implant, even though I have not visited the hospital to find out.”

Most family planning methods have side effects

Dr Edun Omasanjuwa, state team leader for the Nigerian Urban Reproductive Health Initiative, NUHRI who spoke with The Nation said most of the family planning methods have side effects, which are not unique to a particular person. As a result, not everybody will experience the same side effects.

“At the time of receiving the method, if you go to a qualified practitioner, they first do what we call a balanced counseling, where you are told of all the methods available and then you will pick your best preferred method.

“After that, the provider (a nurse, a doctor or someone who is trained to provide the service) will give you details of how the method works. Part of the details they will give you is the possible side effects. So for some women who use implants, also called ‘Jadelle the side effect is bleeding’. What happens is that for some women, in the first three weeks of taking it, they will have spotting, where they will have a little blood for about two to three weeks, which eventually stops.

“We usually tell the women that they shouldn’t be alarmed but if it becomes heavy, they should come back to the provider or go to a nearby provider because there is a drug that can be given for a period of time to regularise the menstrual cycle. But if it doesn’t regularise after two months, we tell them to come back and remove it.”

“Another thing” Dr. Omasanjuwa said, “is that there is no test to find out which method will suit you, so what WHO has come up with is the Medical Eligibility Criteria, MEC Wheel that has all of the possible scenarios that will make you not to be able to use a particular method.

“So for example, if a woman were to be hypertensive, she is advised not to use implant; if she has breast cancer, she is advised not to use a particular method. If a woman has just put to bed, she cannot use a particular method.

“All of these things have to be found out to determine which one will be good for her.

On whether IUD causes infection, he said: “If a woman is having recurrent urinary tract infection (infection around the perennial region) and she is using an IUD, it is because she is having multiple sexual partners or her hygiene level is low, so if you cannot keep up a high hygiene level, it is advised that you remove the IUD because IUD will increase your risk of UTI; it doesn’t cause it though.

“Some people also tend to bleed a lot from IUD. Once you see that you are bleeding a lot, all you have to do is come back to the care provide, remove it and then try another method.

“If a woman uses the implant and she is spotting for two weeks in a month, it will regularize, as long as it is not a heavy bleeding.

“Like I said, a woman who is hypertensive should not use the Implant because one of the side effects of implant is water retention. When your body retains water, it will increase your blood volume, which worsens the hypertension,” Omasanjuwa said.

Asked if implants can cause boils on the vagina labia, as complained by Mrs Lucky, Dr Omasanjuwa said it is definitely not the implant. She needs to go and check her hygiene because there is no connection.

He said there are lots of hearsays out there, so women should try to get the correct information from the family planning provider at the health centres.”

He also said: “There are lots of myths and misconceptions about family planning by people out of fear and they are trying to transfer that fear to others; and if out of fear you begin to bring forth children that you cannot take care of, the burden to take care of the children is worse.

“We have heard lies about how the implant moved from the hand to the head or to the other hand.

“To be honest, the benefit of family planning outweighs whatever side effects there may be.”

On whether family planning makes people add weight, he said “Not really, as it varies from woman to woman. While some women lose weight after the method, some others add weight.”

For implant, there is a tendency to add weight because of water retention, so if you were a size eight, you may move to size ten in a space of three years.

The doctor said if a woman carries her implant or IUD for more than the number of years she should have ordinarily carried it, nothing will happen except that the method will stop working at the set years.

July 9, 2017
Okpotu blames Lobi’s mistakes for defeat

Tony Okpotu has revealed that Lobi Stars paid for their mistakes in defence to lose 1-2 to Niger Tornadoes yesterday at the Confluence Stadium, Lokoja in a match day 17 tie.

Ibrahim Babawo’s double put Ikoh Allah Boys in the driver’s seat before Luther Iyorhe pulled a goal back in the second half but Okpotu told SportingLife that the scores would have been different had they not conceded cheap goals.

The scorer of four league goals in the ongoing season, however, pointed out that they will be going back home to correct the lapses noticed before their next tie with FC Ifeanyiubah.

With the defeat, Lobi slumped from sixth on the log to 11th with 23 points from 17 games.

April 3, 2017
‘PDP made costly mistakes in Ondo’

Ondo State Commissioner for Culture, Toursim and Special Duties Femi Adekanmbi, in this interview with LEKE AKEREDOLU, explains why the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) lost last year’s governorship election. He also sheds light on why crisis broke out in Owo, two days before the governorship poll, and those responsible for the mayhem.

What are your achievements as the Commissioner for Culture, Tourism and Special duties?

I want to thank God that I have been able to offer my service to the state and indeed Nigeria. I have not been able to perform as expected because of the fact that the resources needed to achieve my set out goals are not there. You will agree with me that the recession in Nigeria is something that has drastically reduced governance in Nigeria. So, I was not able to achieve all my set goals due to recession. But, I still give glory to God that despite the challenges, we were still able to record a lot of things. We have been able to turn around ‘Mare Festival,’ and other things were also touched in the culture and tourism ministry. Also, we have been able to achieve a lot at the water sector in Ondo State. I have been the Commissioner for Water Resources for over a year and my achievements in the water sector is something that I have not been achieved in the state for the past 32 years. For instance, the state has been able to pass the water policy bill into law. When I came in, I met the governor and I told him if you want to achieve a lot in water, this bill must be passed into law and he gave me the go ahead and I traveled almost on weekly basis to Abuja. I want to commend the minister for water resources, who gave us all the encouragement to pass the bill. Another achievement is that during my time, the Owena multipurpose, contrary to what the people are saying was not abandoned.

We will soon complete the drainages of about 100 boleholes in all the 18 local governments. Concerning culture and tourism, when I came in, I look at Mare and I said I am going to set a standard that the festival supposed to show the culture of our people and that is what I have been able to do. The last Mare festival showcased all the cultural richness of each local government.

What lesson has your political involvement taught you?

My experience has been positive and negative. Negative in the sense that I have seen quiet a lot in politics. At my level and my age, I have discovered that, in politics, never trust anybody except yourself because somebody, who comes to your house today and smiling with you, can come another time and attempted to kill you. I have been able to gain a lot of experiences in politics, I am now wiser and mature. When you are in politics,before you sit, you must carefully looks at the seat. In Ondo politics, I want to give kudos to Governor Olusegun Mimiko because what he has done in the past few months, especially prior to the election and after the poll.

Why did the PDP fail to retain power in Ondo State?

A lot of things went wrong. Let me start from the issue of our party. A lot of mistakes were made by us. Everybody should know that the moron was in the party to destory the party and up till now, instead of them to sit down and settle the rancour, they are still destorying the party. Sheriff or no Sheriff, Markafi or no Markafi, this party does not belong to anyone. For goodness sake, this party belongs to all Nigeria and we have expected that by now, they should have forgotten about this matter. But unfortunately, somebody is set to destory it. That was where the problem started from. We did not get our hearts right and which gave room for Jimoh Ibrahim. If we have gotten our hearts right, we should not be talking about candidature three months to the election. It is sad because we have the best candidate, Eyitayo Jegede. I know Jegede very well, I worked with him closely. Mimiko did not canvass Jegede to me. I canvassed Jegede to him. I told him that look, Jegede is a person that can never take the state backward and I still stand by it. Since, we noticed the crisis in PDP, we should have returned to the Labour Party (LP). But we got it wrong from the on set. If Jegede has contested from Labour Party (LP) from the on set, we will have joined him in the party and forget about PDP crisis that got us to this level. Another issue is that we did not have sincered and honest people among those who worked for Jegede. A lot of people that work with us were fake. They are a lot of sycophants. I am writing a book on my experiences in Ondo State politics, and the book is going to be an eye opener. A lot of people are working in this government, when you look at their behaviours despite the fact that Mimiko did a lot for them and did not offend them, they prefered to pay him back with evil. I have worked with Mimiko and I used to tell a lot of people that he is not a perfect man but he had tried his best in the state.

Was the neglect of zoning not a contributory factor to the PDP’s defeat?

It was not zoning. The power of money ruled the day on the election day. Jegede, would have won the election but thank God that the man who won the election, Mr. Rotimi Akeredolu SAN is a perfect gentleman, my brother, somebody I respect so much and I know he too is capable of performing. I am a PDP man, as at today, I am a PDP man.

It was alleged that you were the brain behind the crisis that erupted in Owo, two days before the election. What really happened?

Is saddened that people will accussed me or associate me with any crisis in Owo. This is a community that is so dear to my heart. This is a community that I have been involved in the development of the community. So, what will I gain in causing crisis in the town, absolutely nothing. If you check the record in Owo right from the time when crisis I have been happening in Owo, I have never be associated with any rather, people I have been attacking me since I have been contesting in the community. I was attacked in all the local governments I went to. When I Akeredolu started his campaigns in 2012, a certain individual attacked him, and the same person was behind the November 24, 2016 crisis. What happen on that day was that, we got a court mandate, which pronouned Jegede as our authentic candidate and I told my people that there is no how we can campaign again but we should create awareness by dancing round our towns. When I got to Owo I told our party members that there is no how we can hold a rally in Owo because this is the hometown of the APC candidate, but they insisted we should do it. We held a sucessful rally that was monitored by the security operatives. Immediately after the rally, I left Owo for Akure for a meeting the governor and I was shocked that the APC people went and attacked our people where they were sitting. I never asked anyone to atack anybody, I cannot do that. It got to a point that the APC petitioned the police and I went to the station and clearified myself. That is what I said about the bad side of politics. When people don’t like your face, they put up fake stories just to nail you. I want to tell the people of Owo that I am a total and committed citizen of that community. I am totally committed to the development of that town. Presently I am doing some projects with my money. The water fountain at the Mapo Hall aroundabout is being constructed by me. Why I mine being accused is because I open my gate to everbody. I don’t discrminate. When you have a lot of boys in the society and everybody discrimate about them that they don’t want to associate with them, then you are building up criminalities. When you don’t have someone that can caution and assist them, then there is a crisis. So, I open my gate to all these boys, and I assist them in my ow n little way to get elevated. I have never used anyone of them to go an attack anyone. The main person causing this crisis is from Ose local government, but stays in Owo. He has attacked him, he has attacked Otunba Oyewole Fasawe, attacked Akeredolu, Mimiko, Adegbele and others.

You relationship with Akeredolu was once cordial. What really went wrong?

Barrister Rotimi Akeredolu, the incoming governor is my brother. Fortunately, my father and his own father are from the same street. It may interest to know that I am saying to tell Nigerians that I was the first person to call Akeredolu way back in 2011, to give the governorship a shot and he said Femi I don’t want to involve. I sat down with him in the presence of his colleagues and said if I am going to work with you, I don’t have an issue with that because we are brothers but you must support me for my House of Representatives election and he said oh! He would but when he election came, he declined. We were both in the ACN then and I said there is no reason of causing crisis in the party and that was why I left the party. It was not just I felt out with him but just maturity level.

February 23, 2017
How to avoid mistakes in relationship (2)

HERE are more useful tips that will be of great assistance to those who have been out of relationships for a while and people who are of age that at the verge of going into a relationship for the first time.

In the previous edition, we mentioned the following: making your first date short and casual, letting go of the past, personal space, getting a life and avoiding unnecessary jealousy.

This review is necessary for readers who are joining us for the first time. Total dependence can put a strain on your relationship; always depending on your friend or partner can affect your relationship. When you keep asking from a person all the time, let’s face it we are human, it will get to a point where the person cannot take it any longer.

The effect is that less attention or avoidance will then set in because of the constant demands. Relationships thrive when there is a level of independence, a situation where you don’t solely rely on your partner or friend for everything. It will interest you to know that most of the mails I receive from those seeking relationships or life partners have financial independence as the common requirement in demand.

This goes to show that majority do not want liability. Besides it pays a lot to be empowered no matter the situation. Next is to try as much as possible to know your place; it is very important to know and maintain your position in a relationship. Some people misinterpret certain actions to suit their personal intension without seeking proper clarification. Avoid playing the role of a wife or husband until you are declared one.

In addition, unrealistic expectation cannot be left out when mentioning mistakes in relationships; expectations are good, but must be discussed together. After all, everybody goes into a relationship for instance with some level of expectation, depending on individual needs, but the challenge is when such expectations are not actualized because of the fact that they are not practical. This can affect the relationship.

Knowing the warning signs: The signs are always there when the relationship is no longer the same, but in most cases, people seem to ignore the signs by not addressing necessary issues. Numerous indicators can warn that a relationship may be heading for the rocks or at least for some sandbars.

Avoid taking things for granted and be observant. Many get carried away without taking note of certain details. It is always proper to use your head in matters of the heart.

However, setting of boundaries must not be neglected in avoiding mistakes in relationships because boundaries define who you are, it reinforces the fact that you are different and unique from others. Boundaries explain what you think and feel, as well as what you are ready to tolerate.

They also define your preferences, your likes and dislikes. Most importantly boundaries help you determine for what you are and are not responsible. A healthy dating relationship requires good, solid and well-defined relational boundaries.

Lack of patience for the relationship to take its natural course: Taking it slowly allows you to get to know each other better with time. Most relationships can be classified into four stages. The initial stage is the period when you are simply testing the waters to see if you like the person or not.

Then, next is regarded as the infatuation stage. This is the time you are madly in love with the person and absolutely blind to his or her faults. This can drag on for a long time, everything is happening so fast.

Thirdly is the stage of reality bite which occurs when you suddenly discover that your perfect friend or partner is not that perfect after all. Finally is the stage where you are caught between staying and maintaining the relationship in order to advance to the next level or let go of the relationship and move on.

Therefore, with a clear understanding of the various stages gives the ability to take things easy by allowing the relationship grow at its own pace without rush. Trying to change your friend or partner to suit your specification is always a big mistake.

Our personalities are different. So, in a situation where you go into a relationship with the mindset to change the other person is not a good idea because you can only change yourself, not your friend or partner, but knowing and accepting the fact that everybody has their strength and weakness is a better approach instead. Don’t try to change them. What you can do is to learn how to accept them for who they are.

Being too desperate to get into a relationship is a major and universal mistake, especially for those who feel that time is running out. Biological clock is ticking fast. As a result, they panic and are ready to settle for any one so long they are in a relationship. Wanting a relationship is just not the same as waiting to be in a relationship with a special person.

Finally, putting the above points into consideration will help your avoid certain mistakes for your relationship to run smoothly and for your protection from the pain of contemporary dating pitfalls. As a result, you will be on your way to building a loving and lasting relationship.

Harriet Ogbobine is a counsellor and a motivational speaker. Send your questions and suggestions to her blog; www.liwh.com.ng, text messages only 08054682598 or bineharriet@gmail.com. You can follow her on twitter: @bineharrietj and instagram: harrietogbobine.

December 24, 2016
How to avoid mistakes in relationship

DEAR Harriet, I want to go into a relationship after a long break. Please, counsel me on the mistakes to avoid in relationship. Thanks.

Mr. David, Akwa.

Making up your mind to date again after a long break simply shows that you have actually overcome your past situation and that you are now prepared to open a new chapter.

It is always good to be ready before going into a relationship because it helps you to avoid repeated occurrences of your previous experience. Relationships have their ups and downs just like every other aspect of life. Don’t forget that it has to do with humans and by nature we are not perfect even with our strength.

Everybody has its challenges, but the ability to understand this fully puts us in a better position to learn to be tolerant and not neglecting the golden rule which is “do unto others what you want them to do to you”.

Great relationships don’t happen overnight. Just like your daily chores, they need time, effort and dedication. Therefore, relationship is an investment like a bank account. What you put is what you get. Before I proceed, permit me to state that the counsel is not for children and teenagers.

This clarification is important because I have young readers. For my young ones, there is time for everything. Concentrate on your goals and visions. Avoid every distraction because the sky is not just your limit, rather it is your starting point.

Moving on, as you work towards building a successful relationship, it is very important to note that there are some common mistakes that should be avoided. Hopefully, this might be of great benefit for you who have been off relationship for a long time and for those who are of age and feel that it is time for them to start a relationship.

Firstly, as you are on a first date with your friend, try to be yourself. Avoid putting up appearance to suit the person. Since it’s your first time of having a conversion with the person, don’t volunteer too much information upfront because when you share too much at the beginning, it’s as if you are verbally pouring out too much words on the person and most times it puts people off. Instead, make your first date short and causal.

Most people make the most ridiculous mistake on their first outing. They get really intense, so as a result, they start asking deep questions and staying up late trying to know everything in one day. Allow things to progress gradually. Give yourself a curfew, if the date is in the evening. It shows a sense of responsibility and respect.

Most times, people bring their pervious baggage to their present relationships, and this affects the way and manner they handle their relationships. Whatever you might have gone through is in the past now. Leave it in the past, learn from it and move on. Beside, this person is different with his or her unique qualities. Avoid comparing notes and assumptions, rather give the person the opportunity to prove him or herself. Keep an open mind.

Next is personal space. No matter how excited and in love you are, it is very important for everyone to have their space. Accepted that at the beginning of a relationship, all you want is to spend most of your time with the person, countless visits, constant text messages and endless phone calls and so on. Enjoying each other’s company is not a bad idea, but with caution because as the relationship advances someone will start feeling choked by the whole scene and might need his or her space to be left alone to do things on their own. Most people, no matter what, just love their space sometimes. Understanding this factor will be of great help in sustaining relationships.

Another point is that you must get a life. For some people, once they are involved in a relationship, they put their lives on hold. They have become so consumed with finding someone to meet their needs and give them a sense of significance. As a result, they have lost their identity. Things that matter to them become irrelevant as long as it is not in line with their partners’ or friends’ wish all in the name of being in a relationship.

While you are going into a relationship or you are in a relationship, get grounded. It is the foundation for getting a life. It is all about having a solid identity and sense of self. Know who you are, appreciate the fact that you are complete and whole. What makes relationships thrive is when both parties have a life. When you have a life of your own, you are attractive to others.

In addition, avoid unnecessary jealousy, the feeling of wanting to know the happenings in your partner’s life. Checking his or her phone or getting worked up over every move (insecurity) can put off someone. Take the relationship one day at a time and allow it to grow naturally. Don’t force it.

To be continued

Harriet Ogbobine is a counsellor and a motivational speaker. Send your questions and suggestions to her blog; www.liwh.com.ng, text messages only 08054682598 or bineharriet@gmail.com. You can follow her on twitter: @bineharrietj and instagram: harrietogbobine.

December 10, 2016