The Vice-Chancellor (VC) of Ajayi Crowther University, Oyo, Oyo State, Professor Dapo Asaju last week wrote a letter which went viral. In the strongly-worded message to parents and guardians of the institution, the VC expressed his disaffection over what he described as overindulgence of the students by their parents and warned about raising the “next generation with the same corrupt and indisciplined ethos that has ruined Nigeria.”
Prof Asaju said his action was informed by the “insubordination of some parents” in the affairs of the university. He said many parents whose children and wards are facing one disciplinary action or the other want to use their influence to stop trials, and that one parent “had even sued the University for suspending his 400-level son who sexually abused two female students in a classroom on the campus.”
The VC’s letter was in reaction to protests among some parents who had complained that their children were being treated like “secondary school students.” He pointed out that students are no longer punctual in schools and faculties, and that rather than being chastised by their parents, they are further indulged.
In a chat with a reporter to verify the authenticity of the letter, Prof Asaju said; “My brother, I am very sad over what our universities are becoming. If faith-based institutions can be experiencing all these immoral habits, how much more of public institutions.
“Our parents think their children only do well when they flout rules and regulations simply because they claim they have paid fees. It is quite unfortunate, but when parents have failed in their responsibilities, where else do we run to? I am afraid of the future of this country if right-thinking men and women do not rise to salvage the situation. Our societal problems have been traced to the homes and until the homes are fixed, we will just be working in vain.”
Principally, the letter was addressed to parents against the backdrop of what, in my opinion, is the crisis of parenting in the country. I will implore readers to get involved in this important conversation. I was completely taken aback when I first read the letter because it is quite unusual; something must have pushed the VC overboard. Taken aback because this is perhaps the first time I’ll be reading such a direct letter from a university VC in Nigeria. Forgive me; I attended a traditional university where I could hardly imagine my VC writing such a letter – which Prof Asaju himself confirmed in his introduction. The times have really changed indeed.
Secondly, – and most importantly – I am concerned about what was not said in the letter – the negation of the entire notion of the university. I wonder if we are not gradually deviating from our understanding of what a university is or should be. Is the proliferation of private universities in the country negating what universities are and stand for? This is certainly worth interrogating and will form the nucleus of the second part.
While still in the university several years ago, I overheard two elderly mothers discussing about parenting. Their discussion – which has been etched in my memory ever since – was triggered by an interaction they had with a young mother who had pleaded with them to babysit her child while she attends a paid conference on parenting. When the young mother left after explaining what a parenting conference was, the elderly mothers – who didn’t have formal education – started ruminating how they were able to successfully raise twenty one children without attending any conference.
They wondered why anyone would pay in order to learn how to be a good mother or parent. The lessons I learnt eavesdropping on these mothers – alongside those learnt from my mother – prepared me in the journey of parenthood when I became a father. They resolved to sit the young mother down and give her free and timeless lessons in motherhood.
I used to sit “at the feet” of a retired war time army general discussing various societal issues, especially the problems of Nigeria. In one of our discussions, a guest joined us and informed the general that his son – who was a commissioner in his home state – has been accused of embezzling public funds. Without blinking an eye lid, the general said; “That can never happen; I didn’t raise my sons to be thieves. Go and tell the governor to investigate him.” He continued with our discussion as if nothing had happened.
About a month later, the general – who is now late – sent for me and handed me an open newspaper without uttering a word; there was also another newspaper on his lap. The news story I read was the outcome of a probe panel set up by the state government to investigate if the commissioner (the late general’s son), or his accomplices were complicit in embezzling public funds. When I was done reading the first story, he handed me the second newspaper.
The news story – which was about the panel report – did not find the commissioner culpable in any act of embezzlement of public fund and he was allowed to continue serving the state in that capacity. The second story – a feature story written by the same reporter – was quite detailed from an entirely different angle. The reporter focused on the family background of all those accused – that is the commissioner and his perceived accomplices. That of the commissioner was quite instructive.
The reporter wrote about the general, his long years of impeccable service in the military with particular reference to his civil war records and how he treated his men. He also focused on the commissioner’s other brothers and how they are excelling in their chosen fields of endeavour. What he succeeded in doing was to draw a strong correlation between ones conduct and the family one was raised in. He did this without even interviewing the general; he only interviewed close associates of both the general and his son which further added impetus to his report.
After I finished reading both stories, he delivered a strong sermon on fatherhood to me which has been helping me since I became a father myself. He told me he was confident in the sons and daughters he raised ensuring they lived, not only within their means, but to be content with whatever they have. He also informed me that he taught them not to focus on his earthly properties but strive to have theirs and train their own children along that line. I wasn’t surprised when he passed on that his house was put up for rent – all because his children were encouraged to strive for theirs or rent one until they have theirs.
Slightly over three years ago, I was patiently on the queue at a supermarket alongside other customers waiting to pay for purchases when a young man in his twenties walked past all of us straight to the cashier to make payment. The gentleman in front politely asked him if he’s not aware of the other people in the queue. He simply waved and said “so?” The visibly angry man pushed him away and told him to join the queue. He was trying to cause a scene when we all insisted he join the queue. He didn’t but simply left the purchases on the cashier’s desk and walked away.
I have witnessed several incidences of jumping the queue and other deep societal challenges like drugs, kidnappings, fraud etc to arrive at the conclusion that we may be facing a parenting crisis in the country. Many of our adults, young men and women behave as if they do not come from homes. The home is the bulwark of who we truly are. But unfortunately, what we know as home in the traditional setting is gradually melting away. In its place we are inadvertently raising a generation of citizens without any sense of responsibility whatsoever.
