Communication is very important in any relationship. It is the fuel on which the engine of a relationship runs. In our homes, communication is the building block of intimacy in marriage because through it, spouses convey their thoughts and feelings to each other.
For two people from different backgrounds to come to live together as one is not easy at all. Effective communication is really the only way they can understand themselves and also be able to tolerate each other’s strength and shortcomings.
Therefore, for better interaction, the sender who conveys the message must make sure that the information is clear, while the receiver must also be sure that the message is clear, heard and understood. The big question that comes to mind while dealing with this major aspect of relationship is how do we communicate?
We communicate in different ways, verbal and non-verbal.
Verbal communication is simply the use of wordswhat we say, how we say it and when we say it. Spoken words are very powerful. They can make or destroy a marriage or relationship. Words we speak to our spouses or friends register more in their minds, whether harsh or kind. As we know, in our society, spoken words are compared to a broken egg that cannot be put together again. The truth is that your body language or attitude can be misinterpreted, but spoken words are usually difficult or nearly impossible to deny. Some homes today are suffering from spoken words said carelessly. Relationships have turned sour because of harsh words and so on.
However, non-verbal communication is a process through which we interact without talking. Instances include attitude, eye contact and body language during conversation. Physical expression like hugs, handshakes, kisses and a pat on the back are also kinds of non-verbal communication.
We cannot overlook the three important elements of good communication. They are WHAT WE SAY, HOW WE SAY IT AND WHEN WE SAY IT.
What we say: Our choice of words is very important in order for us to have an effective communication with our spouses or friends. The words we use to express ourselves matter a lot because if not said properly, they might pass a wrong message.
Take for example, a woman who is worried about her husband, working late for the fear of the danger of the night might express her concerns wrongly. Instead of choosing her words in order to relate the right message to her husband, she may say it in a way that her husband would think she is accusing him of self-centeredness or unfaithfulness. Reactions to situations like this might vary, depending on the temperament of the man or his perception of the message. Some would become aggressive, especially if they are wrongly accused; some would go completely silent and others might complain to their friends and relatives, or decide to stay so late in order to avoid nagging or false accusation. Therefore, our message must be clear for easy understanding.
What we say: Instead of complaining, ask questions. Then, express your concern, while being mindful of your choice of words, so that you don’t miss the point. Understand your spouse’s or friend’s personality type and talk accordingly. Be specific and simple, while interacting with your spouse or friend. Always think before you say anything.
How we say it: How do we present our message? How do we make our point clear without missing the main issue? Understanding your spouse and knowing the approach that is suitable for her or him are very important. How we convey our message, either through word or action, must be clearly understood to avoid misinterpretation.
When we say it: The timing or rather, when we choose to speak is also an important aspect of communication with our spouses. Talking at the right time is an aspect that must not be neglected. Understanding your spouse’s or partner’s mood tells you if he or she will be ready to listen to your conversation at that given time. Timing is very vital in communication- know when to talk so that you can get a good response.
Ability to listen attentively during communication is crucial as well. You must listen to each other in the process of interacting. Most of the times, we hear our spouse or partner talking without us listening.
Moreover, couples, for instance, that communicate effectively tend to understand each other better. They smoothen out their differences easily as communication takes away barriers and obstacles. In addition, a relationship or bond is created between them and this gets stronger by the day.
They work as a team for the good of their family. Marriage is an institute and we learn every day. Couples that communicate are constantly learning from each other at all times. Conversation really takes care of many needs. As a matter of fact, good communication in marriage solves most problems. It helps spouses to have their feelings and thoughts heard and respected.
Harriet Ogbobine is a counsellor and motivational speaker. Send in your questions and suggestions to her on bineharriet@gmail.com. You can also follow her on twitter@bineharrietj or txt messages only to 08023058805.
