The news of the divorce case between Pastor Chris Oyakhilome and his wife of 23 years, Anita, is the latest of shocking marital breakdowns among Nigerian preachers. Sunday Oguntola writes on many pastors opting for the courts despite the many negative implications.
IT perhaps only came to public knowledge penultimate weekend. However, to many the seed had been planted as far back as 1999. The then 30-year old Anita Oyakhilome decided she had had enough. Her young marriage was turbulent. The husband was hardly in town. When around, he was always busy with ministry works with too many “ladies in skimpy skirts” lurking around, according to a former domestic staff.
Anita, according to multiple sources, was drained and exhausted. She had two young girls to cater for all alone. The strain of raising them and working in the church weighed her down. She craved for her husband’s attention but couldn’t get it. He was just damn too busy with church works. The presence of too many ladies in his office also left her spent.
Then one day, she decided to quit the marriage. “She wanted out since she was not getting emotional support. She felt she was not loved enough and was becoming a pain for her husband. She asked to call the marriage quit but her husband would not hear of it. He said it would destroy his ministry and church. He was willing to negotiate and Anita felt comfortable with the proposal he offered,” a family source confided in our correspondent last week.
The proposal, according to Pastor Chris Oyakhilome, founder of Christ Embassy Church with headquarters in Lagos, was to dispatch his wife to Woolwich, South London with their two daughters, Sharon and Charlyn. The relocation will give the flamboyant pastor “a breathing space and sanity of mind to move the ministry forward,” a church source confirmed.
On her part, it would allow Anita to express her prodigious gifts and fulfill her calling. She was to pioneer the UK branch of the church. She had always complained of being underrated and overlooked in the schemes of things. She felt she had a calling and deserved more in the then budding church. For the couple, it was a win–win situation. The husband would have his space while the wife would be able to prove her calling.
That development more or less led to the physical separation of the popular couple. The flamboyant husband had all the time and space to expand the church. He travelled without any restraint. The number of ladies around his Lagos office codenamed ‘White House’ increased significantly. The church grew in leaps and bounds, opening branches within and outside the country.
Free at last
Anita also settled down in her new abode free from the emotional strains in Lagos. She devoted her time to building the church to a force to be reckoned with. The branch she built from the scratch became the Europe’s headquarters of the church, raking in remarkable revenues and breaking new records. “It was like she came in prepared. She gave her all. South London became her territory. Her amiable personality and beautiful mien attracted people. She was the new kid on the block,” a founding member of the church, who identified herself as Isabella, informed.
Pastor Chris, as members fondly called him, noticed the strides his wife was making. He felt justified with his proposal. The wife was breaking barriers in Europe while he was making headways in South Africa. He made occasional visits to the UK branch to the delight of his wife and new members.
But while their church was making remarkable progress, the union was cracking and failing. Separated by thousands of miles on two continents, the popular couple drifted from each other. It became a marriage of convenience with intimacy taking a serious dip. “Both of them were happy that at least the church was growing and raking in revenues. They just forgot their marriage and became more or less business associates,” another source explained.
The couple’s smiling faces dotted Rhapsodies of Reality, the church’s popular devotional. But deep within, all was far from well. There was tension and suspicion between them. They masked all of these with excited public appearances. A former pastor in the church said: “They felt they just had to keep a bold face for the sake of the church and themselves. They were making money and thought that was enough to get going.”
Though Anita was taken care of, her emotional stability remained a challenge. She wanted her husband around for the growing daughters. “There were days she cried and cried with no shoulder to lean on. Fine, there was money but where was the man? She wanted him around desperately but he was busy crisscrossing the globe,” a friend to the wife hinted.
Last April, she finally filed for divorce. The case was filed at Divorce Section A, Central Family Court, First Avenue House, High Holborn, London, UK, on Anita’s behalf by Attwaters Jameson Hill Solicitors. The development became a public knowledge penultimate weekend when The Cable, an online publication broke the news.
Investigations revealed that the months leading to the filing of the case were really stormy for the couple. Anita, it was learnt, became aggrieved in November 2013 when she was shut out of the church. Her husband, sources said, became enraged when she allegedly started making demands and claiming equality. He accused her of planning to usurp authority and being rude to senior pastors of the church.
His reaction was to seize the church from her. Anita, on her parts, felt she had contributed enough to be so recognised. She wanted more visible presence in the schemes of things and thought she was being shut out. Sources close to her stated that having pioneered the UK branch to stardom, she should have been further elevated despite being the Vice President of Believers’ Love World Incorporated. The power tussle between husband and wife spiraled to several confrontations and accusations.
The storm came
Last May, Pastor Chris decided to frontally address the issue in a meeting with pastors and elders of the UK church. “Bitterness is prolonged and accumulated anger. My wife is always angry and bitter,” he told the stunned pastors.
“Some pastors’ wives think when they marry a pastor; they are equals to the pastors. My wife thinks so. As a matter of fact, Rev. Tom was her pastor before I married her and Rev. Ray and Evang. Owase were her leaders long before I married her. How come she thinks she’s senior to them now?” he stated. (The two reverends are pastors in the church).
To put her where she rightly belongs, Oyakhilome declared: “I already started Christ Embassy before I married her. I didn’t marry her and said we should start Christ Embassy. I was already pastoring. I already set my sail and knew my direction before I married her. I only said come and help me.”
The public accusations meant nothing again to Anita, who had already filed for divorce. She knew her husband was going for her jugular and cared less. Long before the suit was filed, Anita had been prevailed upon to reconsider. “Pastor was willing to make peace because of the backlashes on the ministry and their daughters. He begged her but she had made up her mind,” a source in Pastor Chris’ camp hinted.
The charismatic preacher reportedly offered to give her more attention and visibility but Anita, it was learnt, could not trust him again. “She realised he wouldn’t change. He was just pleading to save his face and image,” one of her friends stated. To her, the divorce was a fait accompli. “Even when some concerned ministers outside the church intervened, things were already out of hands. She just wanted out and wanted to really hit back at him for years of suffering,” she added.
It was learnt that Anita perfectly timed her fight back. The first daughter, Sharon was going to be 21. She clocked 21 on August 11 and threw a bikini party in London for her friends. Sharon is a UK-based gospel singer with the stage name CSO formed from Carissa Sharon Oyakhilome. Her younger sister, Charlyn, is already 18, old enough to understand the messy affairs. Their understanding, it was learnt, convinced Anita to finally go ahead with the suit.
The daughter of a former MD/CEO of Nigerian Deposit Insurance Corporation (NDIC), Mr. John Ebhodaghe, Anita met Pastor Chris in the former Edo State University now Ambrose Alli University where she studied English. Her mother is Swiss and she is the first in a family of five children.
Since the news broke, officials of the church have maintained complete silence. All efforts to extract official comments proved abortive. But Oyakhilome is not one to take such affront without a fight back. Checks revealed he has removed the profile and picture of his wife from the church’s official website, www.christembassy.org. His personal website also no longer has her picture and profile. They have been replaced with those of popular gospel singer, Sinach, who worships in the church.
Like Oyakhilome, like others
Their messy divorce case has brought to the fore again the unexpected marital turmoil of preachers and church founders. Some of the affected preachers include Pastor Chris Okotie, Bishop Bola Odeleke, Pastor Olumide Emmanuel, Evangelist Wunmi Owolabi and Pastor Eze Ofoegbu, among others. (See catalogue of Nigeria’s pastor-divorcees for details).
These celebrated marital spats ruffled not a few feathers. As it is in the wider world, indications have, however, emerged that Oyakhilome’s case might not be the last among preachers in the country. Several others, according to findings, are working towards breaking their marital vows. Many who married before they became preachers now consider their wives unsuitable for their new status.
“To some, these women are no longer suitable because many of them were married before ministerial calling came. They feel they have made mistakes and desire someone with ministerial outlook,” Pastor Bisi Adewale, a marriage counselor stated. He, however, said such consideration is terrible. “Even if you married an unbeliever and became a pastor, you must stay married. You have a responsibility to pray and work for her conversion instead of leaving her,” the televangelist stated.
For those who think their wives no longer match their status in life and ministry, Pastor Taiwo Odubiyi said such preachers must ensure they brush them up. “Even if she is way below your standard, you up her level. Carry her along as you grow in life and ministry. Bring her to your level. You have married and there is nothing you can do about it,” she advised.
Church growth consultant, Dr. Francis Bola Akin-John, is of the opinion that there is no going back once Christians get married.
While stating that divorce is never an option for gospel ministers, Akin-John said: “There is no room for divorce at all. Pastors divorce a lot today because they have committed a lot of errors. These days, most of our pastors are not real men who can fight for their homes. When there is what they term ‘irreconcilable differences’, they look for every reason to get out of the marriage.”
He added: “Once you are married, you must remain married. You must fight for that marriage. You must adjust to each other. You must be willing to offer sacrifices for your marriage. You must not do what only pleases you but learn to adjust to your partner’s personality.”
The question most outside the pastorate ask is: “If iron gold rusts what will iron do?” In other words, if those who preach patience and endurance in marriage can’t live by what they preach, what will the flocks do?
