Tag: Purity

GOD is interested in your marriage being successful. As stated in the previous teaching, what you do with the foundation laying stage of marriage, which is courtship, determines how successful your marriage will be. Therefore, to have a successful marriage, the most important thing is to ensure that you follow God’s principles for marriage. The irony is, when we focus on His principles instead of our pleasure, we end up having a very satisfying and pleasant marriage!

Courtship is about open and honest exploration of each other’s lives and families, leading to engagement and marriage. Courtship is about preparation for marriage and it helps you to see if there is any reason why you shouldn’t get married. There is no romantic interaction until after the commitment to marriage (wedding). This does not mean that you don’t love your spouse-to-be. The Bible says: Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these (Mark 12:31). Loving him or her could mean disciplining, correcting and exhorting each other, to change. Other times, it may be to quash a selfish desire in your heart in favour of their desires. Basically, it means taking the focus off yourself and looking at what you can invest in the other person.

In the context of courtship therefore, there are two neighbours that we should love (i.e. keep their best interests at heart). Firstly, your future spouse. Keeping his or her best interests at heart will result in saving your sexual and emotional purity for her or him, developing your character and preparing resources for a stable marriage with him or her, etc.

Secondly, there is the future spouse of that person you are interested in. Unless you are ready for marriage, you should not have ’emotional exchanges’ with any member of the opposite sex. You should treat every friend as though they will be someone else’s spouse. Loving that spouse as a neighbour means treating this person as a brother or sister in Christ, not defrauding their emotions or their purity but investing in them without motive for selfish gain.

Some people wonder about a relationship where there is ‘no romantic involvement before marriage’ and the possibility that a couple could get married but later discover they have no sexual or romantic feelings for each other. To clarify, however, my conviction is that you shouldn’t be romantically involved until after the commitment to marriage (wedding). Keep your romantic emotions for your husband or your wife. This is the only way to romance one partner in your lifetime.

If you allow the romance before the commitment, then there is the possibility of several romances, with all the pain and emotional baggage that it entails. The Word of God says: So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies… Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself (Ephesians 5:28 & 33). From the above passages you can see the underlined words.

Thus the Bible says: “Love the one you married” rather than to “marry the one you love.” That is why the above verses say, “Men love your wives”. Romantic emotions should be reserved for marriage not for courtship. This is because when you get romantically involved and the courtship ends due to some things you have discovered about the other person, often times, this results in hurt. Therefore, keep all romantic emotions till after the wedding to avoid heartbreak and hurt. Have you ever wondered why some people in a relationship go mad when it ends? The Word of God says: What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh (1 Corinthians 6:16).

Getting romantically involved is like being joined to become one flesh with who you are in courtship with. Any break in that relationship will amount to literally tearing the flesh. Be wise and don’t get emotionally involved during courtship. Let your emotions be intact. Guard your heart with all diligence because out of it are the issues that will make your marriage successful. The courtship period is quite a vulnerable one but the boundaries God has set are for the protection and preservation of your heart from hurt. It is also for the protection of your future marriage from shame that comes when the marriage bed is defiled. Take it in good faith because the commandments of God are not grievous; rather, they are meant to groom us.

From the foregoing, you need the help of God to maintain purity in your courtship so as to enjoy the honour in marriage. This help is obtainable by accepting Jesus as your Lord and personal Saviour as you say this prayer: “Dear Lord Jesus Christ, I come to You today. I am a sinner.  Forgive me of my sins and cleanse me with Your Blood.  Deliver me from sin and Satan to serve the living God.  I accept You as my Lord and Saviour. Make me a child of God today. Thank You for accepting me into Your Kingdom.”

If you prayed this simple prayer, you are now a child of God. He loves you and will never leave you. Read your Bible daily, obey God’s Word and seek Christian fellowship (John 14:21).

Congratulations! You are now born again! All-round rest and peace are guaranteed you, in Jesus’ Name. Call or write, and share your testimonies with me through contact@faithoyedepo.org; OR 07026385437 and 08141320204.

For more insight, these books authored by me are available at the Dominion Bookstores in all Living Faith Churches and other leading Christian bookstores: Marriage Covenant, Making Marriage Work, Building A Successful Home and Success in Marriage (Co-Authored).

LAST week, I started this teaching on how to maintain purity in courtship by showing you the purpose of courtship. This week, I shall continue with that teaching.

Some Christians begin in the Spirit and end up in the flesh. The Word of God lists all the various works of the flesh: Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God (Galatians 5:19-21).

Some begin quite well in the Spirit, but mess up half way by engaging in the works of the flesh. All categories of uncleanness are referred to as the works of the flesh. Since courtship is not marriage, you have no marriage rights over the other until marriage is contracted. The Bible says: Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled (Hebrews 13:4). Marriage is an honourable thing when the bed is undefiled. Once the bed is defiled, that marriage has lost its honour. What you do with the bed during courtship amounts to laying a foundation for what your marriage will be like when you get into it. The law of sowing and reaping still holds here. The Bible says: Whilst the earth remaineth, seed time and harvest shall not cease (Genesis 8:22). Since the earth still remains, whatever a man sows, he will reap. When the bed is defiled, the seed is sown and you can be sure that it will produce and when harvest time comes, it will manifest.

Discuss your visions and goals together

In other not to engage in the works of the flesh, this is the time to discuss about your visions and goals together. This is a very important point to note. Goals and plans for the future ought to be made clear to each other. Marriage is for help, not hurt. It is a decision made by you to help the other party fulfil his or her goals and vision in life, and vice versa.

Before I married my husband, I knew the direction he wanted to take. I knew his level of love for God, his character and integrity. Ours was quite a long courtship but I have no regrets. It has really helped me in being able to understand the kind of person he is and as a result, we have enjoyed every bit of our marriage. Just a word of caution: A broken courtship is better than a broken marriage. When you discover differences that border on incompatibility, it is wise to dissolve the relationship instead of being another number on the divorce list or another broken marriage amongst many.

Check for maturity

Since the period of courtship is a time of proving all things, it is wisdom to prove his or her maturity. In God’s concept, marriage is for men and women, not for boys and girls. The Bible says: The rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man (Genesis 2:22). The Word of God also says: Therefore shall a man…cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh (Genesis 2:24). Take particular note of these words ‘man’ and ‘woman’ in the above passages. Maturity is required before marriage. One need to mature spiritually, physically and emotionally and this must be addressed in courtship.

However, maturity can be determined from two view points: age and ability to handle life situations. These two, put together, help in determining how mature an individual is. One that is mature for marriage should be able to assume responsibility for his or her actions, and take up the welfare of his or her spouse and children. If you are not mature enough to be a parent, then you are not mature enough for marriage. Adulthood is a basic requirement for success in marriage.

When you are spiritually, emotionally and physically mature for marriage, you will be able to control various aspects of your life and also be in control of your emotions. Wild emotions or impure emotions can lead to defilement of the marriage bed in courtship. You will discover, therefore, that God’s concept of courtship is quite different from man’s concept. Everybody has a choice to makewhether to accept man’s concept or God’s. However, it should be noted that God, Who is the Sole Designer of courtship and marriage, has the correct view. This view must be accepted, if we desire to reap the full reward of honour in marriage via pure courtship.

If you desire more counsel, ask God in prayer. However, for your prayer to be answered, you need to accept Jesus as your Lord and personal Saviour. If this is your desire, say this prayer in faith: “Dear Lord Jesus Christ, I come to You today. I am a sinner.  Forgive me of my sins and cleanse me with Your Blood.  Deliver me from sin and Satan to serve the living God.  I accept You as my Lord and Saviour. Make me a child of God today. Thank You for accepting me into Your Kingdom.”

If you prayed this simple prayer, you are now a child of God. He loves you and will never leave you. Read your Bible daily, obey God’s Word and seek Christian fellowship (John 14:21).

Congratulations! You are now born again! All-round rest and peace are guaranteed you, in Jesus’ Name. Call or write, and share your testimonies with me through contact@faithoyedepo.org; OR 07026385437 and 08141320204.

For more insight, these books authored by me are available at the Dominion Bookstores in all Living Faith Churches and other leading Christian bookstores: Marriage Covenant, Making Marriage Work, Building A Successful Home and Success in Marriage (Co-Authored

DEAR reader, I am glad to let you know that marriage can be one of the sweetest experiences on earth and also be a bitter pill, depending on how it is handled. God designed marriage from inception to be a thrilling experience filled with joyful events, new discoveries, and the euphoria of companionship. After designing and creating the blueprint for a happy home, the Bible says: God saw it and rated it as very good (Genesis 1:31).

But the natural man with his own rules and ideologies corrupted it and this led to the “bitter pill” experience in marriage and family. The Word of God says: Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled (Hebrews 13:4). As believers in Christ Jesus, He has not left you alone to be confronted with the bitter experiences some have in marriage, through the defilement of the marriage bed in courtship. The Lord Jesus has provided guidelines in His Word that will help you triumph in every area of your life, including courtship and marriage. If you will just follow them, you will reap the blessings therein.

The subject of marriage begins when two individuals, man and woman, decide to marry each other. That is the beginning of a real relationship, where you love that person enough to be honest about who you are, what you plan to do and be, and how you feel about them. At this point, what does God’s Word say to the believer? It says: Prove all things (2 Thessalonians 5:21).

‘To prove’ means to examine. Your would-be spouse needs to be proved and this is done by getting to know him/her better. You too need to be proved, in order to know if you can cope and actually be a helpmeet to the other party. This period of waiting and watching before the actual wedding is called courtship. Others call it, “going steady”. Whatever the case, this is the period where you determine if you have made the right choice or not. At such a time, you need to be very alert and not be blinded by romantic feelings, because marriage is not a fantasy, it is a reality.

Next to love, the most important ingredients in relationships are openness and honest communication. If, as someone who is preparing for marriage, you cannot communicate with transparency and vulnerability, then you need to work on these areas! Communication is a crucial foundation to every marriage and open communication is necessary in order to understand what is truly motivating each person, especially when you have differing points of view. Courtship is a period you get more acquainted with your would-be spouse.

Despite the fact that you are getting closer and knowing each other better, courtship period should not be equated to marriage. It is actually the foundational stage of marriage and what you do with this period determines how your marriage will turn out to be. The Word of God says: If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do? (Psalms 11:3). At this stage, you can’t move in or sleep with your would-be partner in a bid to know each other better.

It is ungodly, unhealthy and doesn’t allow you establish a good foundation for your marriage. To maintain purity in courtship, you must know what to do during this period and this will help you to have a fulfilled one. I shall be taking some of them in these teaching and subsequent ones.

Pray Together

As believers in Christ, you need to take time out to pray and share God’s Word together. This is when you can ascertain your partner’s spiritual depth, spiritual maturity and genuine love for God. Pray together with this purpose in mind.

Play games and visit friends together

In the process of doing this, you get to know who your partner’s real friends are. This is another way of knowing who you are about marrying. The saying goes, “Show me your friends and I will tell you who you are” and “who you will become”, if I may add (Proverbs 20:13).

Visit family members

It is wise you don’t rush into this step, until your conviction is strengthened and you are becoming certain of your partner. By so doing, you owe your integrity not only to God but also to your family. From the foregoing, you need the wisdom of God to be able to really discern the kind of man or woman you want to live the rest of your life with.

To obtain wisdom, you need to accept Jesus, Who is the Wisdom of God, as your Lord and personal Saviour by saying this prayer: “Dear Lord Jesus Christ, I come to You today. I am a sinner.  Forgive me of my sins and cleanse me with Your Blood.  Deliver me from sin and Satan to serve the living God.  I accept You as my Lord and Saviour. Make me a child of God today. Thank You for accepting me into Your Kingdom.”

If you prayed this simple prayer, you are now a child of God. He loves you and will never leave you. Read your Bible daily, obey God’s Word and seek Christian fellowship (John 14:21).

Congratulations! You are now born again! All-round rest and peace are guaranteed you, in Jesus’ Name. Call or write, and share your testimonies with me through contact@faithoyedepo.org; OR 07026385437 and 08141320204.

For more insight, these books authored by me are available at the Dominion Bookstores in all Living Faith Churches and other leading Christian bookstores: Marriage Covenant, Making Marriage Work, Building A Successful Home and Success in Marriage (Co-Authored).